Transcripts For WRC Viewpoint 20150222

We mean by that and how prevalent it is. About one in three teenagers experience some form of teen dating abuse. We use the words violence and abuse interchangeably. Really it refers to a Broad Spectrum of things i. s not just physical. Thats one of the first things we try to educate about. Its not just physical, it can be emotional psychological, sexual, financial, and it can really be primarily through the use of social media sort of a manipulative, controlling type of behavior. The physical is usually what youll see later. All the other things are the trigger sign, the warning signs we should be looking for. Its interesting, and i want to talk later in the half hour about how social media can help and hurt and raise awareness. Julian, you have done a truly tremendous job, you were in eighth grade when you came up with this psa. Back in 2012 when i was at eighth grade, i was at roberto clem mean tea focused on producing media. Some classmates of ours we were introduced of this project by our teacher, mr. Dempsey. This choose respect conference was introduced to us. So we made this psa, my friend daniel and i took up the roles as the actors and my other two friends came up with the idea. It was a cause that we were very interested in and hoping to raise a little more awafrns about. So we made the psa and amazingly in 2012 we won first place as eighth graders competing against High Schoolers and other middle schoolers. Very excited about that. Weve got a big conference coming up march 8th. Everyone said this is free. Tell people what they will find at this conference. On march 8, its for Montgomery County teens, their parents and Youth Service providers in Montgomery County and really the idea is education and prevention and some fun stuff that well be doing during the day. Our focus here is on social media. Our theme is actually hash tag respect yourself 2015 with the idea that were trying to promote and explain appropriate use and inappropriate use of social media and really lick tronnic devices as a whole. Students will literally walk down the red carpet and have an opportunity to take selfies in front of sort of a line of different sponsors and other things behind them just like the academy awards. There will be the pylons, a lot of fun. Well be incorporate rating social media into the day. The students will have a chance to hash tag or promote and put out there the things were learning through the day. Were not just touching the lives of the families and kids that come on march 8th burks also a broader reach which is what social media is about. Cheryl, welcome backs, youve been here before. You are a survivor yourself. As we focus on young people, teenagers in particular, your daughter also has a story too. Youve been working with her on this as we talk about social media and technology and the way things are changing now. Share a little bit of her story. I will. Shes now 21. It happened when she was 16 years old and a student at a Montgomery County high school. The young man in question was two years older than her. It was so interesting jim, much like a cycle of violence that adults experience. He drew her in seduced her through gifts and through being kind to her and listening to her and eventually what happened is he started tracking where she was through her cell phone, sending her very, very abusive text messages, blocking her friends, telling her to block her friends on facebook, on and on and on. Trying to gain that control really. Exactly, because its all about power and control. It was only through the intervention of a mentor that she had at the university of maryland. My husband and myself, her parents that things were able to stop. It was a long, very heartbreaking time for her and for everyone involved. Weve got a lot more to get to. Well be right back after the break. As we go to break, if youd like to learn more about the con flens coming up choose respect here is the website to go to. Stay with us on viewpoint. Yoplait greek 100. For when you just cant make it without a proteinpacked, thick and creamy, powermeupwithsomething filling tastebudloving, satisfaction by the spoonful, deliciously fruity dinner feels a million years away grab and go, lets take on the world with 100 calories, snack yoplait greek 100. There are hundreds of reasons to snack on it. Thank you, cable for the slower internet upload speeds. For making me wait longer to share my photo albums. Thank you cable, because if we never had you we wouldnt know the incredible difference verizon fios makes. In Customer Satisfaction studies, fios is rated 1 in Internet Speed and reliability 8 years running. Plus, fios has the fastest wifi available from any provider. Period. See the difference for yourself. Get a fios triple play online at an amazing price, guaranteed for two full years plus, get a 300 bonus with a twoyear agreement. Call the Verizon Center for customers with disabilities at 800. 974. 6006 tty v welcome back to viewpoint. Again, our focus is teenage dating Domestic Violence. This conference coming up march 8, choose respect. When we talk about teens and dating and violence, it can take various forms as we mentioned right off the top, debby. What signs should parents be watching for and students themselves for that matter . I can talk a little bit about the signs i saw in my daughter. Perhaps debby can talk about signs in general. He was becoming very, very secretive. She was changing her appearance. She was always wearing long sleeves which could hiz bruises. She would not want to take phone calls from her friends or do things with her friends. It used to be when she was younger, she would go out with her female friends to a movie, for instance. Now when they would call and ask her to go she would refuse. She became anorexic, she stopped eating for a while. It was very very unlike the wonderful light person she had been. It turned very bad and very quickly. Do you find that people isolate themselves young girls in this case . Absolutely. And i think thats one of the hallmark signs of someone that has sword of a change in routine. It may be abrupt, and it also may change over time as a relationship, healthy or unthem hi builds and people withdraw from their usual groups of friends, they have changes in their routine. Weve seen teens that pull out of Extracurricular Activities they might have been doing before because their partner doesnt want them doing and maybe not shopping at the mall with fraepd like they usually would because their partner doesnt want them at the mall with their friend. What are they wearing . What are they trying on . What clothes are they buying . Really, again, its about wanting to know where someone is and be able to watch for is someone controlling your kid or are you, as a teenager, experience that where you arent making choices for yourself anymore . Julian, youre a junior. Tell us what you and your friends are seeing or hearing about. Do you know this is going on in schools . I think thats one of the big issues right now. I think Domestic Violence, advocating against it people dont know how to deal with it, whether it be a teacher, a parent or a friend. I think in high schools it really is a difficult subject to talk about. I think the issue lies in the culture. People dont know how to deal wit, and in social media, even though it is a great avenue to advocate against it, there is a lot of influence in pop culture that will tell you this is the way youre supposed to act t way youre supposed to treat other people i think now especially with social media and being able to see how other people act especially in pop culture it may not give you the best advice on how to live your life and treat or people. Thats a really good point. When we differentiate between young people and older people young people may not have the experience or dont have the years of experience to know that this is not acceptable, its not right and it doesnt happen to everybody. They may feel like, hey, this is somewhat normal, i dont know any better than this. Do you find the age difference there . Absolutely. Thats the significant of putting together Education Programs like the healthy teen dating conference on march 8th and like the healthy teen dating curriculum that we do in Montgomery County public schools, is to teach teens whats okay and not okay. s not necessarily intuitive. Something that feels right may actually not be okay. One of the examples i point to, it may be cute at first that your boyfriend or girlfriend is texting you, tweeting you, 5 million times a day, wanting to know where you are, sending you pictures, asking you to send them pictures. At some point thats not cute anymore. Its controlling. Where are you . What are you doing . I want to i dont your location. Thats not healthy. Understanding that is hard when youre talking about a 14yearold or 15yearold teen in that situation. Its hard to differentiate. Was there an issue of stalking and control with your daughter . Yes there was. Theres a vulnerability when youre that age, 14, 15, 16, as debby is saying, it feels really good. Theres this cycle of violence and it feels good to be seduced into that cycle when it starts. Theres flowers extra attention, no matter how that attention is given. The young person feels good about that intentionally and by the time theyre sucked into that and get beyond the seduction stage and to the part where they are being abused in whatever form that abuse takes they feels theres no way out. Ki speak for my daughter and myself, you feel you dont want to talk to anyone about it because youre embarrassed and dont know who to go to. I want to talk about resources and people who you can turn particularly when youre young and in high school. Well be right back on viewpoint. If youd like to learn more about the conference coming up, choose respect, theres the web address to go to. Yoplait. With a smooth and creamy taste your whole family loves. Dont miss yoplaits exciting new flavors creamy caramel and cookies n cream. Welcome back. Choosing respect is our topic this sunday morning on viewpoint. Were talking about teen violence dating violence in particular. We have the big conference coming up march 8. Talk a little bit, debby feinstein, about who particularly young women, who can they turn to and where can they turn . Say theyre afraid to approach their parents with this. We try to encourage teens to identify a trusted adult in their life, it may be a parent arngs olding sibling, wellive teacher, guidance counselor, a coach. The conference aims not only to educate the teens, but also yes have a whole segment for Youth Service providers because theyre in roles and relationships with teenagers where they may have an opportunity to have these conversations with a teen. Were trying to encourage it from both sides, how the teens look more broadly on who they can share with and have adults surrounding them open up this type of conversation to give kids in trouble an opportunity to talk about it. Cheryl i would imagine its one of the most difficult things to share with someone whether it be a Family Member or advisor or guidance counselor. You have been out there truly sharing your story to help so many people all around our region. What do you tell them . How do you counsel them if theyre going through something right now . I tell them that theyre not alone, that there is someone there who could help them thats trusted. But other message i try to give is that we all are in this together and we all need to watch for the signs because it is so important. Thats what saved my life, my daughters life because she decided to talk to somebody. If we keep an eye out for different behavior, different ways that people might be isolating themselves covering bruises by wearing loth sleeves in the summer. Theres so many different signs they can look for and act on it. There are very very specific things that people can do to act on it to make sure that the individual does not feel about herself or his self, but they know theres someone there to liss sglen julian you put together this amazing psa. Youre a junior, we mention thad before, in high school. Students your age, are they more aware . Is this something people talk about . Do they look for signs . They see it in movies, perhaps in media . I think its something unfortunately that we dont talk about and dont notice as much. Thats why at i choose respect, were trying to bring it more into the cultural light. I know within the school system, ms. Feinstein and i were trying to bring it and the other members of choose respect were trying to bring it more into the more prevalence throughout schools, throughout the county and other places where adolescents might be. Its interesting. Its a great catch phrase choose respect. Thats what were talking about here, respecting a fellow human being. Some people dont get it or perhaps theyre not wired that way. When we look at do ples tick violence and we often har that people have witnessed it in familiar leets and they carry on the wrong behavior, as they grow up, do you think that thats a large part of whats happening when we talk about young guys carrying this out in school . I think theres a number of different sources this can derive from. I think that would be a mistake to say thats the only way, if you were victimized or witnessed at a child that you will become a perpetrator. As we were talking about before theres a lot of sensationalization in movies, in on the internet, videos, youtube. I think that also theres modeling certain behaviors and what people think is cool and what people dont think is cool, i think thats a big problem too. And sometimes, unfortunately its just sort of the viewpoint the place where the abuse ir is coming from and they see an opportunity and they can exert their ability to control someone else and theres power in that. You sort of feel more powerful as a result. I dont think it can be linked to any one thing although certainly there are many studies that talk about kids that are in the pros sense of Domestic Violence with adults an absolute fact, are more likely to be abusers themselves. It would be a mistake to limit it just to that. When we come back, i want to talk about selfesteem too, on the other side of the break. If you want to learn more the choose respect conference is coming up on march 8th. Our focus this morning choose respect. Julian, tell us a little bit about how you got involved and how other young men your age can get involved as a bystander if they witness something or see something. I didnt get back into too much into this issue until last year actually. I worked at the Montgomery County circuit court, and i was exposed to a lot of case wheres there was Domestic Violence within family cases. Seeing how prevalent it was, i had never heard about this before it just really opened my eyes to how big an issue it was. I looked for ways i could help out within the county and it ended upbringing me to choose respect. Because i wanted to make an impact, i applied pour the position to be the student member, and here i am now. Even if i wasnt give then great opportunity, theres still many ways you can just by listening to friends, looking at researching how to help other people reading the news because it is so prevalent today in our news whether it be college students, adults. Just being informed. Just being informed is a great way to know what the signals are, how you can help and i think most of all, try to always be there for someone who may be in that position. Well put. He mentioned the courts. Debby feinstein, i ask you, what options are there out there for someone and when that should they take the avenue of calling police and Law Enforcement and the legal route . Obviously an acute ordaining rouse situation, call 911. Thats a very clear path. If theyre not sure what to do or not ready to reveal everything, theres so many opportunities for counseling and support. The same website you go to for the conference is part of a broader website through the family justice center, a onestop shop for people of Domestic Violence. It over the last few years has expanded resources for teenagers and their families who are direct victims witnesses to Domestic Violence. Weve been working with nonprofit organizations including one of our great supporters through the conference, the aware program. They actually offer counseling to teens on site at the family justice center. They can help them make these decisions. Its not so easy. Its easy for us to say go to the court get a protective order call the police, tell your parents. Those are all incredibly difficult decisions. As the teen caught in whats going on, its hard to break out. Cheryl, you have certainly walked the walk and are helping so many people. What is your message to young women out there, particularly when were talking about high school . This abuse is all about power and control, and it is in your power and it is is in your control to make it stop. My wish for every young person who is experiencing this is to take back your power and end it. And your daughter is doing well now. My daughter is doing well. She talked about it opened up and got the help. She got the help she needed through our support our Family Support through therapy and through finally knowing that she had the ability in her to make the changes that was needed to stop the abuse. And anyone can go to this conference on march 8th right . This is a free conference . Free conference. Come on down. Thank you. This is such an important critically important conversation. Thank you for sharing your stories with us and congratulations for all the great work youre doing and continue to do. Thanks so much for coming in. We thank you for having us in. Now back to news 4 today. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, everybody. 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This morning its all about the cleanup, driving into work. A lot of slick spots out there, chuck. There are a lot of slick areas out there on area roads this morning. This is going to continue as we go into the