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I’m hoping for advice on how to discern the difference between having unrealistic expectations for a school and recognizing that your school is not a place you should continue to teach.
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I teach middle school. I am a kind-of-new teacher. I used to work in a creative field and enjoyed it. Essentially by accident, I fell into doing side projects as a “teaching artist.”
After some failing and flailing, I became pretty good at it, and I realized I loved teaching even more than my main job. I worked in many different schools and with many different populations, and I always embraced opportunities to participate in equity/inclusion trainings. As a straight, white male I feel it is pretty important to recognize my own biases and avoid a “white savior” approach to the work.
Dear Care and Feeding,
I have a 14-year-old who came out to us as nonbinary/genderfluid about a year ago. They usually present androgynously, with occasional forays more masculine or feminine. I’ve long been a staunch liberal and ally, and my spouse and I have done all we can to be supportive, accepting, and loving. But I won’t deny that this parenting path has been difficult and confusing for me. My kid came out in the midst of the pandemic, so we don’t leave the house a lot. When we do, my kid uses the restrooms opposite their birth gender. They told their younger brother that they feel like people look at them less suspiciously in that bathroom. This has been really hard for me; it bothers me a lot. I haven’t said anything to my kid about it, as questioning in the past has made them shut down, and the last thing I want is less communication with my teen now that they’re finally engaging with the family again.
Dear Care and Feeding,
My son is 14, and he’s coping with identity issues that I could really use some advice about. Last night, he was complaining about English class. “All we talk about is stuff like, I dunno. How women are so great and can defend themselves and shit.” Alarm bells, right? I probed a little, and he started getting upset. He talked about the girls in his class being aggressive towards the boys, accusing them of … he wasn’t sure what. Mumbled a few things about sexism, the patriarchy. “You know, this whole ‘kill all men’ thing.’” And with that, he burst into tears. “I’m white I’m male and I’m probably straight!” he sobbed (at 14, he maintains that the jury is still out on that last one). “It’s like, I can’t say anything! And the girls, they can say anything they like!” Of course, we talked about those girls being out of line, but also about how real sexism is that he can be proud of who he is and support feminism (and Black Lives
Dear Care and Feeding,
My boyfriend and I had been trying for three months to get pregnant when I conceived. He was the one who started talking about having a baby, and we moved quickly from playful “baby fever” talk to serious conversation. We made the decision together to stop birth control. We were in love or so I thought. We had no issues in our relationship; he treated me lovingly and sweetly.
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But last week, when I realized I was pregnant, my whole world shattered. As soon as I told him the news, he announced that he’d fallen out of love with me. He’d been feeling ambivalent about our relationship for the past two weeks, he said (just as the fertilized egg was making its way to implant in my uterus, I guess). He doesn’t want to be with me, doesn’t think we’re compatible, and seems to be rewriting our history. He is saying that the weekend we conceived, he wasn’t thinking about a baby at all. Even though we were discussing names and he suggested w
Dear Care and Feeding,
Last year, my ex-husband was involved in a highly publicized sexual harassment/assault case that made the national news. He disappeared from social media and locked down his web presence, but his name and face were still shown across the country for a few days. We have shared custody of our 16-year-old son, who lives primarily with his dad and comes to visit me all summer each year. My son was understandably devastated by the incident, but has become withdrawn and refused to talk to me about it. I pulled back as not to pry. It’s now been almost a year since I’ve seen my son in person, and have no idea how to have this conversation with him. My ex-husband was subsequently charged and pleaded guilty, so I know my son must have some feelings about this. I don’t want to put him in therapy, as I tried that when we first divorced; my son hated it and refused to talk to me for three months after his one (and only) appointment. This situation is generally heartb