Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121208 : vimarsana.

Creators of the hobbit for the past four days has changed me in ways i never expected. I mean its hard to put my finger on it. laughter i got to tell you, it is such high maintenance. I can never find the parts. And frankly my manipedi girl is on a suicide watch. But of course tonight a big story comes from my home state of South Carolina. Big breaking news in this town, senator jim demint, a Tea Party Favorite and conservative icon is surprisingly resigning his seat he had tend of the end of the year. Stephen thats right, South Carolina jim demint is dequitting. Now the decision on who will replace demint falls to South Carolina governor and friend of the show nikki haley. But who will she pick. Lets see, you want somebody young. Somebody conserve fiv, somebody from South Carolina. Maybe somebody who had a super pac. Wait a second. cheers and applause watch where you point that thing, its powerful. Okay. Now folks im to the going to sit here and say i should be South Carolinas next senator. Not when so many other people are saying it for me. U. S. A. Today is Stephen Colbert running for the u. S. Senate. Huffington post, Stephen Colbert for senate. Role call, South Carolina for Stephen Colbert. New york post, are we ready for senator colbert . cheers and applause are we ready . Well, i get it i get it i know when i look at the u. S. Senate. I say to myself, you know what they could use, another white guy. laughter so i want you to take to the twitters, okay, take to the twitters. I want you to tweet nikki ask nikki haley why she should appoint me to the u. S. Is senate with the hashtag senator colbert. cheers and applause s that that feels right. Now of course we all know jim demint leaves some big shoes to fill. Then again cheers and applause but im not surprised that the people want me to have this honor. Ive been honored in so many ways. In lego form, in ice cream, in space station treadmill, as a plush hockey mascot. Which of course let me realize my dream of having drunk townies throw beer cans at me. But now the ultimate honor has come. Being immortallized at Madame Tussauds wax museum. They i know, i know, its impressive. They have the worlds biggest collection of glassy eyed fake celebrities outside of the bravo network. Now while madame tussaud is a storied institution with 200 years of excellence, could even they capture my essence . Find out tonight in. Stephen colbert, wax on and wax off at madame tussaud the. Last june i sat down with the art frist Madame Tussauds so i could get waxed. Just leave a landing strip, okay, do that for me . They walked me through their painstaking process. When they make your figure they will insert every hair in your figures individually, every eye lash, every eyebrow, it takes six weeks. Thats fantastic. Isnt it. Im so glad that effort isnt going into curing cancer. If you have a tattoo somewhere we want to recreate that. I do. I have a black panther crawling out of my butt crack. Thats awesome. It says welcome to the lair and the panther is going so you have a box of eyeball its. We do. Do these come from chinese prisoners. They are glass, what are you talking about. I dont know what Chinese People are made of. I have no idea. laughter next i slipped into something more revealing so they could measure my every nook and cranny. cheers and applause i feel dirty. So dan, how did you get this job. Im the general manager at the madame in washington d. C. As a child did you dream of turning people slowly in a circle. Oh, it burns i did it. My work was done. I sat, then the artists got to work. While they attempted to reproduce my waxy pallor i headed to the museum in washington d. C. To check out my future wax companions. My guide was an incredibly life like dan ragosky. laughter we should get going. Come this way. We started with a history of the museum. Is it tussaud. Why so french . She was a french woman. Okay, but youre in america now, why not change the name to mamma doesys house of candles. It has been around for 200 years. Okay, all right. Then it was off to the hall of celebrities. So this is all wax. Thats correct. I know what im doing here. Im not just some ham ture coming here and licking wax figurines. You may not lick them. Lets move on. This is tiger woods. This is senator jackson. Okayment i didnt recognize him because this is the longest i have ever seen him go without screaming the word [bleep]. Johnny depp. Cant lick any of these. Cant lick one of these. No. Can i lick it and you dont watch. I am not looking. Could do you have the authority to do so. Without does, can i talk to madame tussaud please. She died in 1850. Im so sorry. I didnt know. Apologize that was insensitive of me. Very good. Thats excellent. Wow. You really captured me here. My hair is not that salt and peppery and im not this fat but that is my jaw. This is george clooney. I get that a lot. But its very good. This is jennifer lopez. This doesnt seem appropriate. This is not in any way this does not feel right to me that im doing this. How much wax did you need to create my badonkadonk. It is fibreglass, are you a seeded figure. Then why did you make a cast of your genitals. We did not make a cast of your genitals. Someone made me squat in a bucket. That was not us. Two days after you left someone came and said that. I a stumd was you guy. It was not. Jon bon jovi. During his brief lesbian period. No. Or the great tiger woods. No, this is marvin gaye. Marvin gaye. Okay from the 1960s. Whoa, here we go. Cory feldman. I think its cory feldman. No, im pretty sure it is yoko ono. Okay, did you used to have the beatles here but then when you installed her they all left . We have not had the beatles yet. Word to the weitz, if history is any guide. All right, a long haul. When we return to Stephen Colbert wax on and wax off. And madame welcome back, everybody, now folks thank you very much before the break Madame Tussauds offered me a spot in their Famous Wax Museum and then measured me for improper tallity. But the question remains could my smoldering good looks and blistering significance be captured in a medium with such a low melting point . Lets find out in part two of Stephen Colbert wax on and wax off at Madame Tussauds. I had made it to the hall of president s. This is george washington. No, he had wooden teeth. Famously. He did. Does this wax figurine have wooden teeth. It does to the. Swing and a miss, swing and a miss on that one. Larry feins from the three stooges. John adams, our second president. Okay. The fun interactive set, you sit next to him in a chair. Incredible. What other technology do you have. Our 8th president. Our first president with ironic faition hair. This is worth the price of admission right here just to pet his face. Who is this. Martin van burren. And this man, i did not realize we elected vampire to the senate. We didnt. This is William Henry harrison. John tyler, 10th president had the most children, would you like to guess how many. 425. 14. 14. All right. Who is this . Our 18th president you lisses s grant. What does the s stand for. Thats a great question. Thank you. This doesnt seem fair. Why does fdr get to sit down. I can lick him. You cannot. Were wearing almost the compaq same suit and tie t would be like licking myself. Something ive also dreamed of doing. That i dont mind but not ronald reagan. I dont mind it either but all the hot isnt bringing that around. All right. Im from the future. Got to get out. Can i lick him. No, please dont. Why, you seem pretty up set just now. Before you said no, now you seem up set. Im getting up set. Youre getting up set. Why, why is this one so special, why does it up set you to ask if i can lick lincoln. You cant lick any of our wax figures. But this is the one that somehow broke the camels back for you. Something happened. One of our most popular president. Yeah, i would say our most popular president. Agreed. I seem to have a little more reference for these president s than you do. Lincoln i think if anybody should be able to lick him it should be i. You understand. I apologize. Apologize for him. Okay. So here we have tiger woods. This is harriet tubman. So technically its not a hall of president s. Juliette gordon lowe, founder of the girl securities. And when was he president. She was not president. Again, not hall of president s. All right, this is it, tiger woods applause ill take your word for it. Finally we were ready for my unveiling and the whole world was watching. I want to thank everyone at Madame Tussauds for the honor of becoming the latest waxican american because become cast in wax is true immortality as long as the earth is not in any way getting warmer. At least it was time to give the people what they wanted. Another me. But had Madame Tussauds captured my waxy essence. Ladies and gentlemen, one, two, me cheers and applause they did it. They made my dream a reality. And there was only one thing left to do. cheers and applause i am delicious. cheers and applause well be right back. Welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight is the director of the hobbit. Which takes place in a beautiful imaginary world called new zealand. Please welcome peter jackson. cheers and applause good to see you again. How are you. Stephen sit down. Its good to see you again. Yeah, thank you. Stephen and it is again. It is, i know. Stephen because a year and a half ago you invited me and my family down to the set. I did in new zealand. I did. Stephen i dont have a question. I just want everyone to know that for the record. Its true. Stephen i hung out down tlrb, it was awesome. You hung out. Stephen lets talk about what you did to make this film. First of all, why did you go 3d on this thing. Because i saw it on frichlt and i dont first of all, dow sell insurance to your audience because they might need it you got to strap in for this film it takes you for a ride. Great, yeah, well, i mean, look as a director ive always liked to kind of take people from their seats and let them kind of come into the screen and be part of the action. I always try to do that just with the style that i direct and the lenses i use. So 3d is a gift. Stephen you already shot the 3 films. Why wait, why wait another year for the next one. Why not just show me the next one now. Okay, well, i tell you what, im the only person, he is the only person that, we are the only person that have seen the secretary film. I got most of it cut before i came over here. And i said dow guys want to have a look at the second film. This was a few days ago but they were too busy selecting for the premier they said no, no, well just see, you can believe that i offered them a chance to see it. Stephen well, can you i wont do my hair, i promise. Did you bring it with you . Do you have one on a thumb drive so i canning lock the door and lock you out and take it. Okay, great. When i do come over . I wont tell anyone except the 4. 5 Million People on my twitter feed. Well have a talk about that after. Stephen okay, all right. This is so amazing new zealand is so amazingablyly beautiful. These films so so important to your home country. You grew newspaper wellington. Yup. Stephen you turned it into wellie wood. Are you some guy walk around in his old neighborhood. Yeah. Stephen is that incredible s that as satisfying as making its movies that you managed to do it where you want to do it . Yeah, i mean look i was very lucky because im a kiwi. I live there and i love working there. Weve got fantastic crews. And we just happened to be the lucky filmmakers that ended up doing lord of the rings in the most per spec country in the world to shoot it i often said if any other direct never the world was doing the lord of the rings new ze lan was probably the location they would have gone to. Stephen it looks like you built it to make the movie. I can open my backyard and walk out into the yard. Stephen did you think of any other Technical Innovations that you werent able to use in lord of the rings that you can use for the hobbit. For instance, the scene with gollum, he is in some ways better even than he was in the lord of the rings what is different about him. I can tell something. Well, there are two things. Physically hes got more muscles in his face, gollum, andy serkis has the same muscles that he had 10 years ago. A little older and more flabby though. But gollum weve put more muss pells under his skin around his eyes and mouth so that every subtle expression that andy makes can be accurately replicated in the gollum puppet which makes the form of capture accurate. Stephen it is an incredible scene. The whole movie is dazzling but that scene itself i think is as good or better than anything in the lord of the rings. Thank you. Stephen do you think it has anything to do with the fact that professor tolkien himself went back and wrote that scene after he finished the lord of the rings. He went and rewrote that kaptur. He revised it, didnt he. Stephen of the riddles in the dark chapter. So it has like a darker quality to it. Yeah. Stephen than the rest of the book. It does. And i think, i mean tolkien from what i understand, you should tell me, actually. The appendices at the end of the return of the king, were they kind of like notes that he was preparing to do a revised version of the hobbit. There was a story i heard. Stephen the question was i think he finished the lord of the rings and then he looked back at the hobbit and he said well, the hobbit was probably, because he looked at things shall, like what is the history of this document that im supposedly translating into english. And he said well, why is the hobbit a childrens story. And he thought oh, okay, someone turned it into a childrens story although much more mature story. Ah there must be another document that tells it in the same style of the lord of rings. I will go write that. Okay. Stephen an then he got a ways into it and they said this is nice but its not the hobbit. Sow stopped. Im so glad i came on this show. That is a question i have been wondering for quite a few years. Stephen i think thats the truth. Yeah, right. Stephen okay. Last question, you got to go be a famous director. But do you have a cameo in this one . I do. Stephen i couldnt find you. Well, thats good, yay i got one over you, fantastic. Im in the first six or seven minutes in the movie but you will have to see it again, you see. Stephen i think i will. I think i will. Peter jackson, thank you so much. cheers and applause Stephen Peter jackson, the director of the hobbit. Off with you now. Well be right back. Is. Well, thats it for hobbit week, everybody, i will not say do not weep for not all tear from company dee centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central jon welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. Weve got a show for you tonight. Going to break the bank. My guest tonight, right here on this stage, should i say a certain boss from n