Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20130108 : vimarsana.

cheers and applause jon thats our show. Join us tomorrow night at 11 00. Your moment of zen boehner told reed to go f himself twice to perform up stephen tona avoids a financial crisis. In a related story, congress would like to talk to you about the benefits of amway. [ laughter ] then bill oreilly under attack from the p. C. Police. Instead of pinheads and patriots, from now its patriots and differently skulled americans. [ laughter ] my guest jimmy wales is the driving force behind wikipedia. Big deal, so is everyone else. [ laughter ] its 2013, suck it mayans. [ laughter ] this is the colbert report. [the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, everybody. Thank you so much for joining us. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] stephen thank you so much. Everybody, welcome to the broadcast. Good to have you with us. Nation, i am back [cheers and applause] now, i havent sat at this desk for 24 days. That is 576 hours or two viewings of les miserables. By the way, for the record i think javert is getting a raw deal here. Hes just a cop doing his job. Jean valjean is a criminal and must be brought to justice. Youre a thief hollywood soft on crime. [ laughter ] of course, i spent every minute of the break with my family. Now, it turns out [ laughter ] they are a lovely bunch of people. [ laughter ] great company. I wish them all the best. See you in the spring. [ laughter ] and, folks, like many americans, over the holidays i took care of a lot of things ive been putting off. The first six days, i spent just going to the bathroom. Just too busy during the election. I also went to the doctor for a full physical. That area i was worried about, got some cream for it. [ laughter ] and those odd little growths, apparently those are toes. Doc says i need them. Whatever. Hes the one with the fancy grow. [ laughter ] but even though i had more than three weeks off, im happy to say, do not worry nation, i am not rusty. [cheers and applause] am i rusty . I want to make sure im not rusty. Rusty colbert . No. Ill going that for a second. Rusty colbert, oh, do not google rusty colbert. That does look like me. Thats erase that browser history while were here. [ laughter ] im stephen colbert. Thats my name. [cheers and applause] im stephen colbert, and folks, i get super angry over gay penguins. [ laughter ] or super gay over angry penguins. I dont know. Okay. Well see how the year shakes out. Okay. Now, folks, before i went on break, all the news was about a looming economic cataclysm known as the fiscal cliff. I didnt watch any news over the break but i assume we did not plunge over this cliff because i have not spent the last week fighting seagulls for discarded hot dog buns. As a member of the top 1 i would rather have had my eyes pecked out by an albatross than suffer the deal accepted by republicans from owe balm yanch president obama increased taxes on the rich. Taxes go up for singles making over 400,000 or more. It goes from 35 to 39. 6 . 39. 6 , mr. President . How is kimye supposed to afford a baby now . Nation, nation, listen i dont want to brag but i make in excess of 400 large a year and by large i mean biggie fry, biggie coke. Okay . Im successful. If the government punishes me for it with the tax increase maybe i wont want to be anymore. It lowers the incentive of the people you want to take risks and to inknow rate is and to create. Its a disincentive to work. Why do we want to punish success for crying out loud . Why punish success . How can we makers continue to make what we make. Why screen a personal husband and wife omelet team . Maria, um bettero, i have terrible news. [ laughter ] thank god this horrible deal has loopholes. Included in this bill were tax breaks for porto rican puerto rican rum growings, algae growers chnch stephen which is why im proud to introduce captain colberts pond rum. Mmmmm, mmmmm. [cheers and applause] its the only caribbean spirit made with chunks of real allege yeah. [ laughter ] algae. Look for our car at daytona and our upcoming hollywood hit drink like a fish. Fiscal conservatives may have lost this round and god knows how long its going to be before theres a clash like this over the budget. Goodbye fiscal cliff hello debt ceiling. The fiscal cliff fight was ugly but will the debt ceiling struggle be eveninging uglier. Hard to believe but this could get uglier. [ laughter ] the government is aetch perfecting the legal limit for how much kit borrow also known as the debt ceiling. Republicans can demand that the president make spending cuts or well hit the debt ceiling and go through it. [ laughter ] or get crushed by it or you know what . We might have to make a skylight in it. Sounds nice. Its pretty but they rarely get caulked properly and when it rains, it drips and ruins your sisal carpet. The republicans are clearly in a strong position but the president might have a trick up his sleeve. Is there a magic bullet to solve the crisis . Try a magic coin. Some economists, legal scholars and a congressman are suggest a 1 trillion platinum coin could be minted and the government could use it to pay the debt, avoid default and preempt the debt ceiling crisis. Stephen we should have known that a coin was obamas solution to everything. It was right in his slogan. Change. Its legal in that it is not technically illegal. [ laughter ] let me explain with someone elses mouth. Technically it does appear to be legal. Here is how. The u. S. Government can print new money but theres a limit to how much paper money can be until circulation at any one time. There are rules that limit the denominations that gold, silver and copper coins can be but theres no limit on platinum coins. The president can issue a platinum coin in any denomination. The treasury can mint it and print on it 1 trillion. It president can order it to be deposited at the federal reserve. Stephen then ben bernanke goes to the fed break room vending machine, inserts the count and picks either cheese nips or save the world economy. [cheers and applause] folks frankly, i do not think this will ever hasm first of all, when ever happen. First of all, what do you put on a trillion dollar coin snon the tail side a bald eagle breathing fire while making love to then american flag. What is on the snead obama . Boehner . Ill tell what you it should be the charmin bears because when you pull an idea like this out of your ass, youre going to need something soft. [ laughter ] besides, it doesnt matter, all of this Means Nothing because a one trillion dollar coin doesnt solve anything. Our nations debt is 16 trillion. We cant make a 16 trillion coin. Thats just silly. Well be right back. [cheers and applause] stephen, everybody. Thank you so much. [cheers and applause] folks in just a few minutes my guest will be jimmy wales, founder of wikipedia, the gigantic free online encyclopedia that invites users to write and edit all the articles. Its that feature that allowed me to rally my viewers back in 2006 to save a majestic creature from the threat of extinction. Find the page on elephants and create an entry that says the number of elephants has tripled in the last six months. Folks, you responded to valently that wikipedia locked the page and to this day it remains semi protected until march 2014. Which means thanks to you, wikipedias elephant page has more protection than elegants elephants. [ applause ] with 483 million iew neeblg visitors and 19 billion page views every month wikipedia said its the number five web site in the world. Another source claims the number five web site is chinas baidu. Com. That source contradicting wikipedia, wikipedia. [ laughter ] im going to hold wikiwales feet to the fire in the broadcasts upcoming sea block but first ive come to the defense of a friend in need. My mentor, colleague and competitive couples massage partner bill oreilly. Were going to regionals, bill. Stay loose. He is once again being attacked by the liberal media for speaking the truth. You know what this means . This is blood in the water. Shark, shark, shark, shark, shark, shark. Folks on last thursdays the factor papa bear was discussing obamas home state of hawaii, aloha zone. He made this astute observation. I have to say hawaii is one of my Favorite Places in the world. A lot of social problems because they dont enforce the drug laws. You know what is shock 35 of the hawaiian population is asian. Asian people are not liberal by nature. They are usually more indust industrious and hard working. Stephen leave it to liberal media to twist that to racism. He was not being racist. He was painting an entire race with one brush. Speaking of which vietnamese, great painters. Did my entire garage in an afternoon. Didnt use scaffolding. They hung from vines. [ laughter ] no one in the mediaescape frothed harder than msnbc host and talking block of smoked gou, da. Jim . Guy who tells us he was not a racist proved himself wrong again. He was spouting off against hawaii. The congresswoman issued this Statement Leave it to bill oreilly to thoughtlessly insult 1. 3 Million People with unsweeping misstatement. Stephen 1. 3 million asians. You know that number is accurate because they are good at math. Relax congresswoman or as ed schultz calls you. Calen spain honbushie. Stephen who cares. You say tomato, i say chop seuy. Lets not get distract from the icial iew racial insensitivity. Everybody just calm down. Papa bear said they are hardworking. Its not racism if its a compliment. If these asians cant stand the heat they should stay out of the kitchen where the lat teen yeses are. Okay. Very high tolerance for heat. Gotta admire that. That is not stereotyping. Black people come from africa where its hot but it did not give them a tolerance for heat. It made them extremely fat. Here . Okay. Right there. [ laughter ] thank you. Well, folks, i have been informed by my networks lawyer that even when complimenting, i should not racially generalize. I assume he is right. Jews make the best lawyers. [ laughter ] and right there. And do i date it, right there . Thank you very much. [ laughter ] okay. Evidently my racial comments were also insensitive which has a woman, of course, shes far more attuned to because of her hormonal stephen welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight is here to talk about the footandmouth disease of wikipedia. The neutrality of this interview will be disputed. Please welcome jake jimmy wales. Hey, jimmy nice to see you again. Thanks. Stephen all right. First off do you not wear ties in the internet world . Ties . No, no, not really. Stephen wikipedia one of those loosey goosy places where you hang out on bean bags all day long and play pap pop a shot. Ping pong. Stephen good to see you again. The last time you were here was right after i saved the he elephants. I remember that. Stephen six years now. Since you were last one wikipedia was been ubiquitous i dont know what that means go to site for billions around the world. 19 billion page views a month. You must be rolling in the cash. [ laughter ] right . Right . What is your Business Model . Well, were a charity. And we exist from donations from the general public. Stephen okay, so you have no Business Model. None, whatsoever. Stephen frankly thats why i want to have you on. This is it an intervention. [ laughter ] in december, you went on and went to wikipedia in december . [cheers and applause] you had that banner across the top it was yellow with red lettering. Super panicky like Hazardous Waste spill saying were all going to die unless you give wikipedia money . How much do you need . Weapon spent around 28, 29 million. Higher for next year. Stephen forgive me if im mistaken. 8 5,000 writer editors unpaid . Unpaid. Stephen where is the 28 million going, jim . If you dont say my fleet of cigarette boats in boca. Why do you need 28 million for something others are doing . We need the servers, the technical staff. Stephen godaddy. Com. They can handle that, right . No. Its a little more complicated. Stephen really 28 million just to run the nuts and bolts of it. We do. A portion goes to that. Outreach. Stephen what is outreach . Wikipedia is outreach, what do you mean outreach . One of the things were focused on is the growth of wikipedia in the developing world. Getting people from all around the world to contribute in their own language. Stephen china has their own twitter. Do they have their chinapedia. Baidu, which you mentioned they copy everything from wikipedia and call it baidu. Stephen i do the same thing and i call it guest research. [ laughter ] we do exist in china. We were banned for three years in china. Were mostly available. They still filter certain pages on sensitive topics. Stephen what is sensitive to the chinese . Racially sensitive . I know you are not supposed to be racially insensitive to asians. Apparently not. Things like tien men square. Taiwanees independence. Stephen sure. Tie bet existing. Thats a sore subject. You have crushed britannica. You destroyed it. They no longer print. All right. Stephen how am i supposed to press my floarl rarngments. Do you know how hard it is to dry a calla lily between two ipads . What is the next thing . What is the future of wikipedia . Well, one of the things were focused on is growth in the developing world. The other thing is we have a travel site that is opening up soon. Well see how it goes. Stephen wikitravel . Its not wikitravel its wikivoyager. Stephen you travel some place and said i love the atmosphere, try the win. Exactly. [ laughter ] stephen id good to that. [ laughter ] will you have a Business Model for that . No. Stephen why wont you take advertising . Its so easy. Product placement. Under Marie Antoine nets let them eat kate entry have an ad. Think about it. Ill think about it. Stephen thank you so much, jimmy. Wikipedia founder jimmy