Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140307 : vimarsana.

And my guest Theaster Gates believes we can transform poor neighborhoods with art. Thats easy just paint a better neighborhood over it. laughter staples is closing 225 stores. Great now where will i not find the ink cartridges i need . This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Thank you for joining us. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen thank you so much. Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. cheers and applause thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. Ive got to say, i was i was a little thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. I was a little bit worried there for a moment because the two stephens werent in sync with each other, but then we achieved what astronomer ares call a harmonic conversion. Nation, if you watch this show and i hope you do you know i treat every day of the year like its the 4th of july. But there may be no 4th more july than today, the 6th of march. Because today, ladies and gentlemen, america goot a little bit freerer. A surprising ruling wednesday from the high court in massachusetts. The practice of socalled upskirting that is, taking photos up a womans skirt without her knowledge is actually legal in that state. Stephen upskirting is legal let freedom ring. cheers and applause laughter oh, my. Someone waxes their clapper. All right. laughter now, nation, for the record, i want to be very clear about this. I do not approve of unauthorized groin photography. It is wrong. But are the me remind you, you cannot spell freak woit first spelling free. And we owe our newfound right to assemble under strangers legs to peeping patriot, Michael Robertson. Now, he may not look like a civil rights hero, looks more like a guy strokin it behind the frog pond in boston common, but that would be prejudice. Because this man struck a blow for liberty. He exposed a legal loophole in his states oppressive peeping tom law, and like a lot of loopholes, it was exposed on the subway. Back in 2010, this guy, Michael Robertson of andover was aciezed of upskirting twice on the green line. His defense . The law say its only a crime if the woman is naked. Thats what his attorney argued last year. Section 105 doesnt prohibit that kind of conduct. That is courageous of his lawyer to stand up for freedom. Really courageous for her to stand up anywhere near Michael Robertson. This decision means that upskirting americans no longer have to sit at the back of the bus. Now they can lay down on the floor like they like. Because the Massachusetts Supreme Court found the that robertson was not a peeping tom. A female passenger on an m. B. T. A. Trolley who is wearing a skirt, dress, or the like is not a person who is partially nude, no matter what is or is not underneath the skirtk, by way of underwear or other clothing. Yes, underwear or no underwear, as long as you wear a skirt, technically youre not nude. Thats why basic instinct is rated g. laughter and for any ladies who might be upset out there, remember, massachusetts has given you the right to upskirt, too. So if youre next to a sexy young highlander, just grab your phone and snap a pic of his bagpipe. And its all thanks to this hero. I would not be surprised if one day someone built a statue to honor Michael Robertson, one assumes right under the statue of liberty. laughter applause and folks, folks, that landmark ruling could not have come at a more appropriate time because womens history im sorry. I ment womyns herstory monthstration. For the record, i wont be mentioning any African American women. You already had your history month. Dont get greedy. But i do want to talk tonight about something thats close to all womens hearts womens bodies. Theres a lot of pressure on women to be thin these days, and all days. Now, some women say, screw it. Im big. Im beautiful. Deal with it. Like kerry washington, who showed up at the oscars with a huge beer gut. Brave young lady but sadly, many fall victim to societal pressure. In the u. S. Alone, 20 million women suffer from an eating disorder at some time in their lives. And its starting earlier and earlier. Did you know some women only weigh 8 pounds . Stop reading cosmo. And its not just how much ladies lose. Its where they lose it from. The dangerous thigh gap trend. Have you heard of this . This is an obsession among some young women to get so skinny that their thighs dont touch when their feet are together. Runway models have it. Women dangerously obsessed with getting a thigh gap. Stephen yes, young girls are obsessed with having a thigh gap. I blame the impossible body standard set by spongebob. laughter then again, then again it does make things easier for this guy. And it is no surprise that 40 of women feel they are constantly dieting. The other 60 are starting their diets tomorrow. I swear. Folks, to me, its obvious what is going on here society has intrinsically linked a womans value to her outward appearance thereby undermining her status and strengthening the patriarchal hedgemoney. What . Whats that . Oh, wow i just got a masters in womens studies from wellesley. cheers and applause . And i deserve this, folks. I deserve this because i have learned a ton about the ladies from watching their commercials. For instance, i know which shampoos make their hair move in slow motion. I know the cheese that makes them laugh. And i know the tampons that help them ride bikes. Thats just for ladies. I tried using one in spin class and ended up in the emergency room. laughter applause as a feminist i understand chicago has a nakedded bike ride every summer. cheers and applause . Might come in handy. Folks, as a feminist, i say women need to give themselvesaise break. Thats why im so excited about a new product that lets women enjoy all the food they want, just not with their mouths. Experience the unique cooling sensation of frozen yogurt. New dial frozen yogurt body wash. Wrap your skin in cooling moisture for skin so refreshingly soft, people will notice. Stephen yes, he noticed that she showered with frozen yogurt and hes asking tcb why did you do that . laughter now, folks, periods frozeep yogurt, dial is also releasing a greek yogurt body wash. I just hope they dont make one out of that Jamie Lee Curtis poop yoigurt because it could make for a messy shower. But yogurts not the only thing on the menu. The beauty Industrial Complex is serving an allyoucanteat buffet. Todays menu juicy pomegranate, persimmon, and lychee surprise. Positively delicious. Avocado,olive, and almond. These, these, and these go in here so you can look like this. If you think you like hot cinnamon buns or hot cocoa or cobbler or pink frosted layer cake to eat, you havent lived until you shower with these items. laughter stephen ladies, are you getting this . Your life is incomplete if youre not bathing in cake. And these products dont just make you look good enough to eat. They make you edible. And isnt making women into a consumable product what the Beauty Industry is all about . Because once you smell like you had a threeway with the keebler elf and cookie puss, men will eat you up. My agree cheers and applause i only have one criticism. Why are women being portrayed as nothing more than Sweet Little Things . Why cant they be savory entrees . I dream of a day when young women loofa with a porterhouse steak, use a mashed potato conditioner and a manwitch selftanner. laughter this is womens history month, goddamn it. And i say its time to see women as more than just pieces of meat because now we can get them to marinate themselves. Well be right back. cheers [ coughing ] she singeth as she flies [ inhales sharply ] [ bird sings ] cawcaw [ female announcer ] cooling and soothing halls air. What are you breathing . Little jacks finally ditching the training wheels and hopping on a big boy bike. Wait a second. This is the ride of his life. We can do better than an 8megapixel picture. Thats what im talking about. A fullhd, 13megapixel camera with drama shot. Atta boy jack. This ride just got 4 times sweeter. I think we know which one of these photos is going to gramppy and nana. The fullhd, 13megapixel galaxy s4 with drama shot. Starburst . Juicedratic equation. Super topsecret mathematical formula they keep stored inside a safe. Inside a vault. Inside a volcano. Ohh. Juicedratics. [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. Without any of the work. Bud light lime limearita is ready when you are, with a refreshing twist of bud light lime. Just pop, pour over ice and enjoy. And now try new mango and razberrita. Just pop, pour over ice and enjoy. [boy] mom ughs] [mom] yes . [boy] whoa,whoa,whoa. [mom and dad] [laughing] [boy] whoa,whoa,whoa. [mom] youve got two left feet,boo. Stephen welcome back, nation. I just love birthdays, especially my own. I can remember them all from last year when my wife treated me to breakfast in bed, all the way back to that very special day in the hospital when i arrived kicking, screaming, and covered in goo. Ah, to be 30 again. Well, this week, we celebrate a very special birthday because the song happy birthday turns 90 years old. And i am going to wish happy birthday a festive annual age increase the way you would any 90yearold by singing a song that reminds them what their name is. Haaapppyyy. laughter cheers and applause sorry about that, folks. It turns out you cannot sing happying about the to happying about the even on happy birthdays happy birthday because because warner music contentiously owns the copyright to the song and has been earning millions from people celebrating their birthdays for a quarter of a century. And warner is so protective of his song, that even to sing happy birthday in a restaurant, at a concert, or a public place, you must pay royalties. Dont believe these people are serious about protecting their intellectual property . Marilyn monroe sang it to president kennedy and one year later they were bot both dead. Folks i know, i know. Folks, this is a shameless cash grab, and in warner music insists that happy birthday belongs to them, then i tonight offer america a birthday song that belongs to us. Just as our founders intended, this song, like america sroyalty free. So, please rise, for the singing of our new National Birthday anthem. Happy birthday to you happy birthday to me now we all get to sing. Happy birthday for free and the candles red glare dont set fire to your hair youre getting so old. And sure shaped like a pear. Happy birthday insert name here. If you dont know it, just mumble softly. Warner music cant sue me and the home of the brave make a wish well be right back. cheers and applause up. A short word thats a tall order. Up your game. Up the ante. And if you stumble, you get back up. Up isnt easy, and we ought to know. Were in the business of up. Everyday delta flies a quarter of Million People while investing billions improving everything from booking to baggage claim. Were raising the bar on flying and tomorrow we will up it yet again. The juicy dragon. They show funny videos to a giggly dragon. He laughs so hard that he cries superjuicy tears and they put em into starburst. A juicy dragon . [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. Theres a new meter in network speed. A juicy dragon . [ male announcer ] the night starts with so much possibility. Anticipation. Electricity in the air. So, when youre ready to turn up your night. Turn to bud light platinum, the next generation of smooth. Brewed with topshelf ingredients for a bold, slightly sweet finish. Yeah you always make me go whooaaa turn up your night i will find you. [ male announcer ] turn up your night, and make it platinum. [ male announcer ] turn up your night, uncle go one,two,one,two,one [uncle]thistwo,one. Cotch,okay . [niece]okay [uncle]okay . [niece]one,two three,four,five,six,seven,eight [uncle laughing] okay,we go the other way,okay . [niece]one,two,three,four,five, six,seven [uncle laughs]theres ten spaces,you want to try again . [uncle]yeah . cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight is an activist working to transform poor neighborhoods with art. Well, that explains all the chalk outlines in chicago. Please welcome Theaster Gates. Whooo good to see you thank you so much for coming on. Brother gates, how are you . Super good, man, things are well. Stephen i just met you backstage a little while ago and i almost have a contact high off of all the positive energy that comes off the of you. You are an artist, correct . I am. Stephen how would you describe your art . I believe my art is interested in transforming ugly things into beautiful things. The perception of ugly spaces into beautiful spaces. Stephen let me explain to the people a little bit how you do that. You live in chicago. Youre an insulation and social practice artist and your work has been shown in chicago, all over the world at this point. You hold masters degrees in fine art, religious studies, and urban planning, mr. Smarty plant, and the founder of the nonprofit rebuild foundation. Lets show an example of just one of the things that you do in chicago. Jimmy, show one of the photos that we of of mr. Gates. Thats the house on the left you found and bought. And this is what you did do it on the right. Thats right. Stephen explain to me how you transformed this house. What do you think this house means now . Well, at first the house is abandoned. Stephen yes. And what does that mean . That meant that well, when things are abandoned, other things start to happen in the house, like people would go into the house. And do bad things in the house. Stephen you can use the word Gang Violence if youd like. Like. Some. It was under used and we converted the house into a small archive and invited our neighbors and friends to use the archive from time to time. It was a way of creating kind of an amenity in a neighborhood where there were seemingly few amenities. Stephen lets show the next house here, jimmy. This house, there it is on the left first, ands and that you did to it on the right. When you turn the house on the left when you turn it into a work of art, do you give it a name . Yeah, i do. Stephen is that called something . Its called a listening how. Stephen why . Because there is a collection of albums in there there a record store called dr. Wax, and we play albums there. Stephen heres the thing that worries me about your work, okay. Is that youre turning things into art they use to not have to think about. laughter . Is there ive never gone up to a house or seen a house before and say i dont get this house the way i dont get some art. Do i have to get your houses to enjoy your houses or do i have to be in them . I think its super cool that people dont get the houses. And i think its also really important that the houses not register as art, necessarily. Whats important to me is that people know that an artist made an intervention in the city thats very different from another kind of person making an intervention. Stephen now, why did you want to do this . This is on the south side of chicago why do that on the south side of chicago . Why not do some place where the Property Value is is already pretty darn high and you can flip a house and get a show on tgtv. Right, right. Thought about that. But my vocation isnt a developer. My vocation my my belief, my calling is to be an artist. And i think that the to have a building like this on the north side, on the north shore, and to transform it would be business as usual. Stephen how do the people in the neighborhood take it, you know, if they see a house that, you know, has been there a long time and they come along and you create this art space out of it. How do they take it . Do they like what happened in the neighborhood . Well, for five years, that was my house, it looked like that. Stephen so you lived there. I was the poor guy on the block. And they were like so sorry, do you need some help. Stephen is this the first house you did, your own house . This is my house. Stephen did you do any houses around there. Im building a house. Stephen are you building a compound. Theafter, are you a cult leader. I think its really important stephen possibly, possibly . Does anyone call you father . No. Stephen do you have child brides . No, no. Stephen tell me now because when the subpoena comes, it will be worse. One of the things they really wanted to do was is it possible to think about a neighborhood that has not been fully thought about in a long time . Its under resourced, and can i take my skills as a creative person, and then show how with a little bit of resource and a little bit of imagination, a neighborhood could have the possibility of being like every other good neighborhood the city. Stephen you created art centers by doing this as well. Absolute. Stephen do you have, like, ambition to revitalize the south side . Do you take this to other cities . Could you take this kind of thing to detroit where you transform whats already there into something more useful could you turn scrap metal into a robocop for detroit . Right. Thats been done. Stephen okay, yeah. laughter . But i do think theres a way in which whether i do it or not, that there are people in detroit, in gary, indiana, in akron, ohio, who really who are already on the ground doing the work. But they may not have the resource that they need. They may not have the strategies that they need to be successful. They may not have access to banks and the philanthropic community. And i think what i could do better is demonstrate this as a model in chicago and in st. Louis and in omaha where i work, and then say this model has the capacity to be a greater scale if we would identify people in those neighborhoods around the country, who are already doing the work but they maybe need a little bit more support. Stephen can people buy your art . Or to 53 your art do i have to have a house large enough to put another house in it . Do you sell your art . Can i get an original Theaster Gates, like throw a master bathroom in that . Yeah, bathroom, living room, kitchen. Stephen can i do something in a pale pink . I already have the towels. I can do that. Stephen theaster, i look forward to it. Theaster gates, artist, entrepreneur. Well be right back. So tell me about your relationship. Well, were Peanut Butter and chocolate. Were perfect together. Nut but choco. Dont do that. He says when somethings good, why change it . Exactly. Exactly. What if you were to try Something Different . [ chocolate laughs ] yes, its mr. Butterfinger [ laughter ] im sorry. What are we doing here . Ooh [ male announcer ] its a whole new way to love Peanut Butter chocolate. Smooth and crunchy butterfinger Peanut Butter cups. Oh man lets go the other way. Um, im good. [ male announcer ] nestle. Good food. Good life. [ yowls ] [ music, indistinct talking on tv ] youre eating all the ammo, sir. Remember your training. Your whole life has been leading to this moment. [ blows ] [ woman shrieks ] cheers and applause stephen good night. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org 11 59 and 59 seconds, this happened on jkl brands. Com today. What is that . That is a commercial for Matthew Mcconaugheys sportswear clothing like, jkl, Just Announced they are opening their own showroom where customers will be recognized for their own path, as long as they look exactly like matthew mcconaughey. Jkl stands for j