Thank you so much. Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming. With that kind of chanting, i feel, i feel no wall can stand before the colbert nation. I am joshua and they are my trumpets. cheers and applause folks, i like to have fun. Im a fungi. Just ask my staff, jimmy m i fun. Yes, sir, youre very fun. Stephen damn straight. But even a fungi like me knows theres a time and a place for fun. And one of those places is not with your finger on the button. National hockey league,s whoee there. Nobody. We were all killed in a nuclear war while you were too busy yuking it up with your hollywood buddies. Heres the deal. Been watching the tv, you know it but here it, no one has signed up for obamacare give or take 4. 2 Million People. Our president has gotten so desperate that he appeared on this web site funny or die. By the way by the way funny or die is also the ultimate up you get from obamas death panel. Now this show he went on between two shall it went viral which is all part of obamas sinister plan, spread a virus and watch everyone scramble for signing up for health care. Stokes, folks, minot the only one. I am not the only one who was angry. I am just the best at it. This appearance set off a firestorm everywhere from fox news to later in the day on financial news. laughter how cool was this president o obama sitting down for an online interview. Some argue it is inappropriate. I think its pretty tragic. Whoever recommended that he do that show should be fired. This is way beneath the office of the presidency. President obama hitting the comedy circuit is he getting the last laugh or making a mockery of the office. Zack is really funny, the problem is he won. He won that interview. President obama, that was not a win for him. Stephen no. No. No. He is he is right. That is what every show is about. Who wins and who loses. And she ought to know. She wins the five every day. The loser, information. laughter folks, by going on that web show, folks by going on that web show barack obama undermined the authority of the presidency. And that is fox news job. laughter just ask the underminor in chief bill o reilly. For a president under intense scrutiny to do a comedy show raises some questions. Looks like putin believes the president is a lightweight, with a comedy video, count tear that. Just ask him. All i can tell you is abe lincoln would not have done it it laughter stephen true. Its true. You cant fight that logic. Abe lincoln would never have done a viral web video. The most the most that president lincoln ever did was sit for a da guer type mim. But nation the worst part, the very worst part about this disaster is that it worked. Its gotten over 13 million views and what with everybody talking about it, its boosted traffic to health care. Gov by 40 . Well, thats that stops here and now. Theyre not tricking me into talking about health care. Gov and the president s Affordable Care act. Jimmy put the web site on the screen so i know what i am not talking about, okay. You see that right there health care. Gov. That is the last time that i ever say healthcare. Gov. Jimmy, jimmy y do i keep saying healthcare. Gov. Cut my mike, jimmy, jimmy, cut my laughter cheers and applause back on, thank you very much, jimmy. All right. No free ride, healthcare. Gov. [bleep] laughter now folks, if you watch my show you know the cold warner ended. If it did, then who nuked detroit . And ever since i know its sad, its sad. Ever since the fall of crimea we have been a cold war of words. Russia has unleashed its propaganda machine. Its propaganda war continues. This is a propagana standoff. Stephen and no one is better at propaganda than russia. And a famous man once said a lie told often enough becomes the truth that is a great quote. And im the one who said it. Yes, that was me. I said that. Now it is mine. cheers and applause and Vladimir Putin, president of russia has tightened his grip on the crimean media because all ukrainian tv channels have been blocked in crimea so crimeans now have no access to their favorite ukrainian shows like so you think you can perogue and the real mail order lives of odessa. And the russians have been secretly fighting this propaganda war since 2005, with a secret network of a cable network. Vladimir putins government may be puffing propagana into the homes of millions of americans who have no idea theyre watching putin tv. Im talking about russia today, orr t it is a cable channel that is available in a lot of homes. Rt claims it issues 85 Million People here in the United States. Stephen you heard cnn, 85 Million People. That is like taking cnns audience and multiplying it by 85 million. laughter now folks, i dont know about you, but i am stunned. Who knew rt was kremlinfunded propaganda. I watch it all the time and i thought it was just another cable news chan well the latest updates on the strength of the russian people under their visionary leader Vladimir Putin. Long live putin, long live mother russia. I blacked out there for a moment. laughter where was i . Oh yeah. Using media to brainwash foreigners is americas thing. Like radiofree europe, voice of america radio, and american pie movies. laughter a people of the world come to america and bang our pastries. Now folks, today russia today is feeling their toxic antiamerican news borsche into our homes. The media reports it is decades of terror attacks against their own population are in fact organized by the cia and the white house. Al qaeda was created by the cia. They use al qaeda to attack the u. S. So they can take our liberties. Youre saying that the cia tested out drugs on foreigners. The cia funded an sperm there involving aerosol lsd. The United States went down to anything roggia nicaragua and round up a bunch of street people and infected them with syphilis. Stephen that is a lie. Infecting nicaraguans with syphilis was to the a Government Program it was motley crews world tour. Folks, i mr. So proud. It is stuff like this that makes me so proud when one rt anchor liz wall stood up to putin a smear machine. I cannot be part of a network funded by the russian government. That white washes the actions of putin. I am proud to be an american. And believe in disseminating the truth. And that is why after this newscast, i am resigning. That was a brave move by anchor liz walsh. cheers and applause stephen she will be missed. Oh, shes still alive. And shes sitting right next to me . Please welcome former rt anchor liz wall. Thanks so much for being here. cheers and applause okay. Liz . Okay, explain russia today to me. Who is making the decisions on a daily basis about what goes on the air at rt . Russia today is an english language news channel funded by the russian government. Stephen so the money comes from the kremlin. From the kremlin. Stephen how much . I am not sure about that. I cant verify that. Unclear, i cant verify. Stephen we researched it. Really. Interesting. Stephen yeah, yeah. Okay, so but who is actually making, are you getting like a marching orders from people at the kremlin. Do they have people there in your station in washington, d. C. Saying do say this, do not say that. Well, i dont directly, i can tell you what i dont, when i worked there i didnt speak to Vladimir Putin on a daily basis. He didnt tell me exactly what to say. But there is a kind of, its interesting. A kind of selfcensorship, you kind of know what management wants to hear what they dont want to hear. Stephen but you hear that everywhere any one works. Right, right. But the difference here is that we have a conflict going on in ukraine and as we know, putin is trying to keep the media out of there, keep out international eveners. Stephen the United States does not have a conflict in the ukraine. Russia does. Dow work for russia or do you work for the United States . It is interesting. Stephen is this an episode of the americans right now. Because youre sexy and im sexy and i would watch you. Well, thank you, thank you. cheers and applause stephen okay. What is it like off camera . Who is actually talking to you that we cant see, is it mostly men wearing cameo pants and no shirts . Saying like is good, is good, yes, liz, is good. What are your coworkers like. They are american. Stephen so where are these russians that are putting the pressure on you. A medley of people. Stephen a russian like peas an carrots but its the news director there is russian and i think he ultimately answers to the kremlin. And theres kind of middle management that kind of keeps the reporters in line which apparently didnt work for me. Stephen now that youve resigned, are you officially a member of pussy riot . cheers and applause not yet. Stephen not yet. Well, liz, thank you so much for joining me. Liz wall. Thank you so much. Stephen unemployed. Well be right back up. A short word thats a tall order. Up your game. Up the ante. And if you stumble, you get back up. Up isnt easy, and we ought to know. Were in the business of up. Everyday delta flies a quarter of Million People while investing billions improving everything from booking to baggage claim. Were raising the bar on flying and tomorrow we will up it yet again. The allnew Chevy Silverado from the family of the most dependable, longestlasting fullsize pickups on the road. The truck that beats any ford f150 in fuel economy. And the 2014 north american truck of the year. And now, during chevy truck month, the price you see is the price you pay, for a 2014 Chevy Silverado now use special truck month pricing to get a total value of over 75hundred on this silverado allstar edition with best in class v8 fuel economy. Get to truck month at your chevy dealer today stephen welcome back, everybody. Thank you so much. Nation nation, its no secret that i am a huge fan of the nsa and i support their unlimited budget and zero supervision. Base you know what they say, absolute power succeeds absolutely. And im sick and tired of the people stressing out about the nsa specifically, people who work at the nsa thankfully they have a cutting edge system to deal with employee stress. Who knew americas spies had their own dear abbey. According to the hill newspaper, nsa employees send their personal and workplace questions to ask zelda, a popular column and a bulletin on the eaks internet. Stephen the nsa has its own dear abbey and she gets a lot of letters, some of which were sent to her. Now zeldas first column was about Proper Office attire in the summer. She writes not only is beach attire unprofessional in the workplace, but in certain cases it can be down right distracting to coworkers if you get my drift. I do, zelda. If your coworker cant keep his eyes off your bare legs how is he supposed to keep his eyes on the person he is watching undress through their laptop camera . Perhaps my favorite zelda letter comes from an agent who wrote in to plain that when the boss sees coworkers having a quiet conversation, he wants to knows whats being said. He has his designated snitches and expects them to keep him apprised. Now were more suspicious of each other and team work is becoming harder. This Snitch Program is just another example of the nsas famous total information awareness and total irony unawareness. laughter and zelda has got the answer for these concerns too. If you are bothered by snitches, the best solution is to keep your behaviour above reproach. Exactly. Remember, nsa employees, surveillance is designed to root out treason. So it shouldnt brother you if you are not hiding anything. And since nothing can be hidden from the nsa, nothing is bothering you. Well be right back. Well be right back. cheers and applause why get delivery, when you can have digiorno . Delivery or digiorno. Now with a flavorful new sauce, digiornos rising crust pizza is better than ever thankfully its not delivery, its digiorno. Transferred money from his before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. Before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an underserved season. And before he quit his friends leafraking business for not offering a 401k. Larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. Thats why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. Thats the power of streamlined connections. Thats merrill edge and bank of america. Its an invitation to stop and savor the unmistakable taste that reminds us that life is delicious. But that grand slam looks so good. Girl mom, with 18 options to choose from, theres over 300 combos under 550 calories. Man kids a genius. Girl dad, it says it right here on the menu. Man oh. Woman hey, welcome to dennys. Are you flo . Yes. Is this the thing you gave my husband . Well, yeah, yes. The name your price tool. You tell us the price you want to pay, and we give you a range of options to choose from. Careful, though that kind of power can go to your head. That explains a lot. Yo, buddy i got this. Gimme one, gimme one, gimme one the power of the name your price tool. Only from progressive. Stephen welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight has a new documentary about impoverished americans, i assume its about people who make documentaries. Please welcome maria slifer. Shriver. Hey, good to see you again. Thanks for coming back. All right. How have you been, third time back, good to see you. Im so happy to be back. Stephen what are you doing, working over at rt . They got an opening. They have an opening. I need an anchor job. Stephen you are a peabody and Emmy Awardwinning journalist, sixtime New York Times best selling author, former first lady of california, nbc special anchor. You have a new documentary, are you impressed with yourself. I am, wow, when you say it like that, wow. Stephen a new document called paycheck to paycheck, the life and times of Katrina Gilbert that premiers on hbo, 9 00 p. M. On monday. St. Patricks day. So the luck of the irish is going to carry us. Stephen all right, now is this that show with Woody Harrelson and mcconneghey. Yeah. Im looking it for an oscar like mcconneghey. Stephen who is Katrina Gilbert and why are we talking about her . Well, were talking about her because she is like 42 million women in this country who are raising kids, 28 million kids and they are turning in and out of pover in the this country. We did a whole shriver report on them they are working hard trying to get them selves off the brink of poverty. Get their kids off of it and this her story and a story being represented all across the country. Stephen well get to the shriver report in just a second. I have a bone to pick with you about that. But the important thing, you gave david i dont think you read it, did you read it. Stephen no. You didnt read it. Oh, oh, oh. Stephen no, why should i this is a poor person. There is a working woman. Stephen you said poor. , on the brink. Stephen on the brink. And you should care. Stephen why should i care . Oh, good. Stephen dont get my wrong. I mean im a really good guy. I know. Stephen im a good guy but why should i try to understand somebody elses experience. I barely understand my own experience. Well, maybe it will be easier to understand her experience if you watch this film because will you see how hard shes working. Youll see what she is trying to do for her children. Youll see that she is caring for people who have alzheimers. Stephen this is left wing propaganda trying to raise the minimum wage. No its not. Stephen this is all it is, all raise the minimum wage, steven has to pay 7 cents more for the curley fries. That is the deep story here. No, the deep story here is that millions and millions of women are occupying minimum wage jobs. Stephen what about men, why do you divide to women. I love men, i want to do a report on mechblt i want to know what is going on with men. Stephen i think men dont do men dont go out there and say im all poor. We dont do that, okay. You take those emotions and we stuff them down. Yeah. Stephen until our heart bursts at 53, okay. How do you think she got pregnant. Stephen from a man . Yeah wow. Stephen that can happen from anybody, you know. A bunch of lesbian with a turkey baster that is your plan. Oh, oh, oh. Stephen see this is violence. Thats right. I love. Stephen poor people. I i love that you know what a turkey baster is. Stephen i know what a turkey bass zferment i cooked a turkey before. I use it for turkeys. Here is what i dont get, you know that poor people im sure she is a lovely lady. That is not katrina. Stephen okay this is like the shriver report. But katrina is in the inside. Stephen thats fine. Katrina is on hbo. Stephen im to the going to read the whole damn book to the people right now. Why. Stephen poor people dont work hard enough. Thats why i am rich and they are poor. I work harder. Oh, are you so wrong. cheers and applause stephen okay. So we have a free market system. If you work hard, you get ahead. What is wrong with that. Shoot a hole in western culture. Im talking about the 42 million women who are living on the brink, working really hard, 7, 8 days, taking care of peoples parents. Trying to educate their kids, trying to fulfill the American Dream just like you. This is. Stephen jesus christ, there will be poor always. Are you familiar with the man. Yes. Stephen . I thought about becoming a nun. Stephen how did that work out. Dont tell me you never thought about becoming a priest. Stephen no i thought about it i was an alter boy for 11 years, i thought about it. How did that go. Stephen i love the ladies. All right. Now listen, but what can an average guy like me what can i do, what can these people out here, because these people can change the world, not me. Thats right. cheers and applause stephen what can we do for people like katrina. First of all we can tell our daughters to think of themselves as providers. We can tell our daughters to stay in school as long as possible and to delay having children until you have an education. Because it is a direct corelation between your education and the amount of money that you can make so that is really important. Stephen here is the bone i have to pick with you. This is called the shriver report. Yes, thats my name. Stephen you started this in 2009. Not this one. Stephen no, but you started the shriver reports in 2009. Right. Stephen and where did you get the idea to have your name and the word report after it, was it perhaps when you came on my show in 2008. Yes. Stephen i will see you in court. Maria, thank you so much for joining me