Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140401 : vimarsana.

Jimmy carter. [ cheers and applause ] of course, this is not my first president ial rodeo. I sat down for a oneonone with president obama and 500 guests at a state dinner. I made a science project with bill clinton. On several occasions, i put George Washington into a vending machine. And while touring the nations capital, i even sat down with abraham lincoln. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] sadly, he did not bring the gifts i wanted that christmas. But i cannot overstate how huge tonight is. The size of the hugeness large. This night will go down in the annals of epic clashes between journalist and leader. Frost nixon. Wallacekhomeini. Asteroidfreeman. But tonight is historic for another reason, because following our broadcast, this episode is going to be played in perpetuity for visitors at the carter president ial library and museum in plains, georgia. [ cheers and applause ] so, right now, not only am i speaking to millions of people watching tv, im also speaking to several dozen tourists sitting on benches. [ cheers and applause ] hi, yall if you need the bathroom, go down the hall, turn right, and ask someone. Ive never been there. I assume they have bathrooms. Of course, as a conservative pundit, tonights interview has tremendous personal significance to me. As a boy coming of age in the 1970s, jimmy carter was the very first liberal who made my blood boil. So in some ways, i have been preparing for tonights interview my entire life, but specifically starting about three hours ago. But before the interview, carter library. First, a little background on the man youve named your building after. Jim . Stephen colbert presents [ music ] president jimmy carter. The colbert interview. [ cheers and applause ] stephen welcome to the stephen t. Colbert National Museum of jimmy cartering. James earl jones carter, jr. Was born october 1, 1924 in plains, georgia, the eldest of four children to Bessie Lillian gordy and james earl carter, a prominent peanut farmer, which is why to this day carter must wear a label reading warning manufactured in a facility that processes peanuts. After graduating high school, carter attended the u. S. Naval academy and applied to work on the fledgling Nuclear Submarine program. In 1952, he dashed into a malfunctioning Nuclear Reactor to help shut it down. Afterwards, he celebrated his success by destroying tokyo. After his father passed away in 1953, carter returned home to run the family business, ending a promising naval career. Sadly, he never rose above the rank of commanderinchief. Carters family then fell on hard times and briefly lived in a georgia housing project, making him the only president to have lived in public housing. Other than all of them. In 1970, carter was elected governor of georgia. Did some stuff, probably. Then, in 1976, carter became the first president since Zachary Taylor elected from the deep south. Naturally, he was sworn in on a chickenfried bible. In 1977, carter gave away our canal to some place called panama, enraging a man i like to call ronald reagan. Ronald Wilson Reagan was born in 19 whats that . Wrong library . Okay. Im sorry. Lets get him on. Okay. In 1979, president carter negotiated the camp david accords, which brought peace between egypt and israel, marking a period of tranquility in the middle east that lasted almost 20 minutes. During the oil crisis, carter set an Energy Conservation example at the white house, where he turned down the thermostats wore sweaters to keep warm, installed solar panels on the roof and attached a windmill to walter mondale. 1979 also marked the beginning of the iran hostage crisis, when our Tehran Embassy was stormed, and 52 americans were held hostage, resulting in a low Approval Rating for carter, and an even lower trip advisor rating for the iranian embassy. Rescue attempts failed, because, sadly, add the time, ben affleck was only seven years old. [ laughter ] on july 15th 1979, jimmy carter gave his infamous malaise speech, which, interesting note, didnt actually contain the word malaise. Just like how during f. D. R. s fireside chats, he wasnt actually on fire. Not many people know that. In 1980, carter defeated ted kennedy in a hardfought primary, and went on to win the greatest title of all, the man who lost to ronald reagan. Ronald Wilson Reagan was born in tampico, illinois what . Still not doing reagan . Fine. Deals a deal. After his loss to reagan, president carter became former president carter, a title he has successfully defended for 33 years, including a 1987 split decision against hector macho camacho. I lost a lot of money on that. Within years of leaving office, jimmy carter founded the Carter Center, a humanitarian organization which has fought for human rights and disease prevention. And for three decades, he has worked with habitat for humanity, building houses for the poor all over the world in an obvious attempt to launch his hgtv show, nail to the chief. [ cheers and applause ] in 2002, jimmy carter was awarded the nobel peace prize, making him the only native georgian besides Martin Luther king to have won the award. But good luck next year. Hulk hogan. In summation, when talking about our nations president s, history will recognize jimmy carter was one of them. Congratulations, sir. Back to you, stephen. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, stephen. When we return, i will sit down with the 39th president of the united states. Whos that . Youll have to stick around to find out. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] avo wherever your journey takes you the expedia app helps you save with mobileexclusive deals download the expedia app text expedia to 75309 expedia, find yours hard work, work there you go. Hard work, work everybodys doin it right hard work, work hard work, thats what we say hard work, work ahhhhhh hard work, i earn my pay hard work, work hard work, do it every day hard work, work get up bout a quarter to three hard work, work got to go and earn my pay hard work, work hard work, thats what we say hard work, work wake it up with olay regenerist. Formulated with a skin energizing complex, it penetrates 10 layers of the skins surface. Because energized skin is younger looking skin. [ crowd gasps ] [ crowd gasps ] [ cheers and applause ] [ male announcer ] if youre on a diet of taking it up a notch. That was some mighty fine ridin. [ male announcer ]. Drink diet dew. The only diet with dew in it. [ male announcer ]. Drink diet dew. And then take everything out ofn the truck and out of the boxes . You know the answers to questions like that, so youre the best person to do your taxes. Intuit turbotax. Its amazing what youre capable of. My tell em babe. How shemes doesnt solve the crimes. Dont call babe . Were not together. What . I have your lipstick all over my rim. Look, this morning was great. It was, it was amazing, but its over. Over like, over. Joyed . Look im from New Hampshire youre a beverage. Sarah, im having a weird day. Alright were done. Break up with lingering food. Ding this is such an us fight. Its such an us kind of fight. For that just brushed clean feeling. Eat, drink, chew orbit [ cheers and applause ] stephen my guest tonight is the former leader of the free world. Please welcome former president jimmy carter [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much president , thank you so much for being here. It has been a longtime goal of mine to have you on the show so i can take you to task for your liberal ways. I have been expecting that. Stephen have you ever seen the show youre on . Yes. Stephen okay. [ laughter ] did you know ive got a bone to pick with your presidency and your legacy. Well get to that in a moment. Youve got a brandnew book. I have, yes. Stephen a call to reaction, women, religion, violence and power. First of all, just from the subtitle, this isnt one of those 50 shades, right . [ laughter ] youve written about a dozen books at this point. 28. Stephen 28 books. But whos counting . [ cheering ] i understand a call to action, sir. What do women, religion, violence and power have to do with each other . They seem like unrelated topics. I understand the violence and i assume the power, but what does religion have to do with it . Religion is the greatest force for the good as long as youre a christian. And the world. And as long as you take your religion from jesus christ. Thats true. Stephen im a christian, are you . Absolutely. Stephen great. Youre not a baptist yet. Stephen im not a baptist. I understand youre not a catholic yet. No, not yet. Stephen theres still time, sir. Im thinking about it. I have two provisions to be catholic. If pope francis stays on in office and when a female Catholic Priest asks me to join her church. [ cheers and applause ] [ chanting ] stephen those are your demands. Jimmy carter has drawn a line in the sand. [ laughter ] all right, all right. Have you told the pope this . I wrote the pope a letter about this book and about the problem with womens abuse, and he sent me a very wonderful letter back, and he said that he agreed with many things that i told him about, which he already knew, im sure, and said, in his opinion in the future years, women needed to play a much greater role in the Catholic Church than they were playing now or have played in the past. Stephen so what do you think the negative end of religion is when it relates to women . [ applause ] thank you. I did ask that question well, thank you. [ laughter ] whats the negative side of religion . Well, if you read just the words and actions of jesus christ, he exalted women. He never made any insinuation that women were inferior in any way. Stephen but he only picked 12 male apostles. Yes. Stephen dont criticize jesus, watch it. When paul wrote his letters to asia minor, he wrote to the individual churches about their problems and some of the words of paul as our chief religious theologians for christians can be interpreted either way. If you are a male religious leader and want to stay in power and not want women challengers, you can pick some of the things paul said. Stephen men love your wives, wives obey your husband. And says husbands and wives should respect to the other and then goes on. Stephen right. But paul wrote to the galatians saying theres no difference between a man and woman, slave and master, gentile or jew, everyones equal in the eyes of god. So there are 36,000 or so verses in the bible and you can choose one or the other ones if you want to stephen thats whats great about america. Our freedom of religion allows me to interpret the bible exactly as my world view already. Yeah, i noticed that on your show. Stephen yep. [ applause ] if i read this book, my problem with liberals is theyre always trying to make me feel guilty about things. As a white, christian, male, upperclass guy, am i going to feel guilty if i read this book . Because i already have so much guilt. I already feel you know, i feel guilty about black people, about women now. A black woman walks in the room, ive got to leave. Too much for me to handle. Will this make me feel bad . Not unless youre in favor of abusing girls on the campus or in the military. Stephen okay. Or unless youre in favor of slavery. Stephen no. Lavery is a worse problem now than in the 19th century. Stephen wait a second its true. Stephen we had institutionalized slavery then. I know. 80 of slaves sold across the borders are little girls sold into sexual slavery and this comes from the u. S. State department in which im sure you have confidence when a republican is there. [ applause ] stephen well, we have to take a little break. When we come back, lets talk about the time there was a democrat there named seriously earjames earlcarver. Will you stick around . Is anybody else doing this . I dont think so were doing something new its called the garlic parmesan line. With that garlic parmesan sauce on the bottom. Chicken bacon tomato. We combined the bacon, and the tomato and the chicken all coming together. Roasted veggies the flavor is unbelievable. 5cheese please the combination of cheeses. Sprinkled with the aged parmesan to give you that toasted flavor on the crust edge. Home run. Heres pizza. Were taking it right up here. Try one now for just 10 bucks or get any other pizza any toppings, even specialties for 11 its our new line, and theres much more to come. Pizza hut. 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Now, president carter, you are now 32 years, five presidencies removed from office but you never retired. No. Stephen you founded the Carter Center and have been traveling around the world working to eradicate disease, trying to promote democracy around the world. Do other expresident s call you up and say, please knock it off . Some of us would like to relax. Because you invented the idea of the postpresidency. What inspired you to do that . I didnt have anything else to do. Stephen you were bored . I was one of the younger graduates of the white house and i had been defeated, involuntarily retired by the election in 1980 thanks to you and other people that voted the wrong way. [ laughter ] stephen i was only 16 at the time. Okay, okay. And a im a professor at Emory University and have been now for 32 years, but that, writing books and running the Carter Center is about the only thing i have to do besides running a family. I have 12 grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren, so i have a big family, and i have to take care im still getting acquainted with my wife rosalynn after 68 years. [ cheers ] stephen does she ever say, you know, for petes sake, jimmy, you have been president for four years, kick back and have a billy beer. Did you ever have one of your brothers beers when you were president . He advised me not to drink it. Stephen i have a sixpack. Want to open one up . No, thanks. Theyre very valuable, by the way. Stephen its now paying for my college education. Okay, heres my beef with you. Why are you out there building houses for poor people . Have you not read anything . When you give poor people things, you enslave them to your charity, its an act of violence. I cant do anything for myself, jimmy carterll do it for me. I cant reach the remote, jimmy carter, get it for me. Do you understand . I understand. My wife and i have helped build houses for 31 years and we never built a house that the family that lived in the house didnt work twice as long and twice as hard as we did, so we require them to work on it. [ applause ] and they also have to pay full price. Stephen they have to pay for the house . They have to pay full price. Stephen oh, so youre not such a nice guy i thought you were a nice guy we dont charge them any interest. They have 20 years to pay and dont have to pay interest. What bible says as you well know as a christian that you dont charge interest to a poor person, so we dont charge any interest. [ applause ] stephen now, harry truman as i said, you have been out of the presidency 32 years and out in the world working, harry truman said the highest title a person can achieve is the title of citizen. How does it compare to president . Its superior. Obviously, the citizens of america are the president s bosses and can remove him from office if they choose, which i have experienced. Stephen unless hes spying on them, then he knows when theyre coming for him. Yeah. [ applause ] stephen now, you said that you believe that the nsa is probably monitoring your emails and, therefor, if you want to be private, you send snail mail. I do. Stephen the n. S. A. Today dade, no, president carter is wrong, we are not monitoring his emails so, good news, you can start writing emails again and the n. S. A. Wont look at them. A few weeks ago they told the congress they didnt monitor anyone in the united states. Stephen so were all fine. Yes. Stephen do you have a relationship with the president . Yes, a very friendly relationship. Stephen does he call you for advice . No. But you have to remember, i have been out of office, as you said, 30something years and i think when he wants to get advice, he gets it from the most recent president s, which i did. Stephen did you have a relationship with the president s who came before you . Before you were president , l. B. J. Was gone. He was gone and truman was gone. I only had two living president s when i was president , gerald ford and richard nixon, and they helped me with key issues, might say like Fraternity Brothers having graduated from the same school. Stephen was there a hazing . I went through a hazing when i ran against gerald ford, but later, when i defeated him, subsequent to that, he and i became, according to the historians, the two closest friends that ever graduated from the white house. Stephen are they right about that . Theyre right. Stephen when president obama was inaugurated, theres a photo of all five living president s standing with each other. Yes. Stephen youre standing a little bit off from everybody. Do you enjoy hanging out with the other president s . Yeah, i really do, yeah. Stephen do you guys get together and do things . In the south, we dont get all that close to other men, you know. [ laughter ] Stephen Jimmy carter, thank you so much president jimmy carter. His book is a call to action. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] avo wherever your journey takes you the expedia app helps you save with mobileexclusive deals download the expedia app text expedia to 75309 expedia, find yours brewed for more this ispirited nights. Tune. Its undistilled, yet it has a smooth clean finish. You might choose a regular beer, but then you might get a regular night. Miller fortune. Your fortune awaits. The juicy dragon. They show funny videos to a giggly dragon. He laughs so hard that he cries superjuicy tears and they put em into starburst. A juicy dragon . [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. A juicy dragon . 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Hard work, work everybodys doin it right hard work, work hard work, thats what we say hard work, work ahhhhhh hard work, i earn my pay hard work, work hard work, do it every day hard work, work get up bout a quarter to three hard work, work got to go and earn my pay hard work, work hard work, thats what we say hard work, work [ cheers and applause ] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. [cheers and applause] thats a fact. Thank you for joining us. Our guest tonight oh, she puts the huff in huffpo. Awr arianna huffington. Tonight the malaysian flight seems to have shown the worst. A jumbo jet carrying 239 people. Were doing everything we can to get as many detail as possible from the sources around the world. Jon the accurate and humble assessment from cnn until they realized oh,