Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140612 : vimarsana.

Jon thats our show. Join us tomorrow night at 11 00. Here circuit your moment of zen. Right now there are 230 House Republicans waking up praying they do not have eric cantors pollster. Honestly, im one of them, we republican pollsters suck. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org tonight a huge shakeup in the rebound party. Youll never guess which middle aged white man replaced the other middle aged white man and you now have the right to remain silent and party and Rob Rhinehart wants to replace all meals with a nutrient rich shake with soylent. Hes people. Police in arizona arrested a man trying to shoot the moon with a handgun. What an idiot. Have you to wait until its full. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [cheers and applause] welcome to report, everybody. Whoo, whoo good to have you with us. [cheering] stephen it was all over the place. Thank you, so much. Folks, we have have to settle down. Im sorry. We have to do this. Im sorry. I understand the feeling but there is no time for your celebration. Because tonight im reporting on a surprise balloon drop Whoo Whoo Whoo [ patriotic music ] stephen now are probably thinking, stephen, why are you celebrating at the top of your show. Well, greg, for months now youve been fed a vicious lie that the tea party is dead but it turns out its alive, its alive its alive stephen its alive its alive jim. A teaparty take down. House majority leader eric cantor sent out of office sending shock waves through washington and the country. The stunning election no one saw coming. Stephen no one saw coming least of all eric cantor who helped create the tea party by stitching together dead ideas and then filling them with rage giving it a jolt of power and letting it loose on the countryside terrified of fire and science. I mean, who who [cheers and applause] stephen who could ever imagine it would come back to kill its creator. Who know who it will devour next. Daddy loves you, tea party. Oh, god, we have to keep it happy. We must find it a bride. Yes yes so life like. Now, i want you to know, tea party, that the candidate you chose is someone i backed since day one if you started counting today. Cantor, seven terms thats incumbent lost to virginia primary the economics professor, david brat. The sitting House Majority leader losing in the primary to his own party to a heretofore obscure College Professor dave brat who a mans Wikipedia Page was two lines. Not any more. Here we go. Stephen edit that page a little bit. Brat has enjoyed the longtime support and friendship of Stephen Colbert who was the best man at his wedding and who future president brat, plans to appoint as ambassador to bikinitown and wicki true. All right. [cheers and applause] stephen of course i dont have to tell you good people that brat is an economics professor at Randolph Macon college. Go fighting hyphens. And he is a great teacher. Reviewers on rate my professor dotcom have noted hes title eye candy. Hes so charming you forget to be mad at him and at least hes hot. Yes, he is. I wouldnt kick him out of bed for kick mexicans out of the country