Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20161207 : vimarsana.com

From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show thank you so much, everybody im trevor noah. I am so excited. My guest tonight is an honest to god legend john legend is here, everybody cheers and applause joining us on the show. But first, just in case you havent been paying attention to austrias election, i got some good news austria will get a new leftleaning president after reject ago farright candidate. The farright candidate Norbert Hofer was trying to become president. He would have been the first far right head of state in europe since world war two. This is a party found bid essentially former nazis, so it may have been one step too far. Trevor yes one step too far. Thank you, austria. Thank you so much the voice of reason in the world. Feels like rightwing populism is sweeping the globe but austrian voters were like, eh, right wing populism, thats so 1930s, yeah . But the politician who lost was the most bad right winger ever. Hofer walks with a gain. The result of a serious dplieding accident and he carries a 9millimeter glock pistol on the campaign trail. Trevor yeah, and he carries the glock in case he pumps into the hang glider again. This time im ready for you, glidey he sounds more like a bonneville than a candidate. Can you imagine a hang gliding nazi . The two dont mix. Hang gliders are super chill. Nazis . Not so much this is peaceful, yeah im floating lik people look like cockroaches to me but lets focus on the moment, president elect donald trump. audience reacts cant deny, he knows how to throw a punch. With his fists, very little wind resistance, hes basically bullied critics, forcibly renamed critic rivals and called the New York Times the failing New York Times so much they finally just went with it. laughter but for trump, those were small fry. Hes always had his sights set on a much larger enemy. I always hate that i have to have my ties made in china. We cant continue to allow china to rape our country. China is ripping us off. Theyre taking our jobs. We want deal china, china, china trevor chyyyna laughter quick question, how are you going to fight a country when you cant even pronounce their name . Chyyyna. Chyyyna. Sounds like a toddler who just learned the name of her private parts. Chyyyna chyyyna chyyyna thats where my ties come from talking like a baby and, by the way, why do Donald Trumps suits fit so poorly . I dont understand why they fit like this. Theyre made for you and by you why would they fit so badly . I wouldnt be so shocked his suits fit like that because he exaggerates his measurements to his tailors. No, my arms this long laughter since the 80s, trump has been itching to pick a fight with chyyyna. Even though its 44 days till he officially takes office hes already started bleep . In an unprecedented move mr. Trump took a call from taiwans president , breaking tradition. Calling it a blunder. Phone call touched you have a weekend diplomatic fire storm with china and broke decades of president ial protocol. Trevor yep, once again, donald trump breaks protocol. Which is basically his specialty, because since nixon, all american president s have publicly regarded taiwan as being a part of china. But not trump. Yeah. Donald trump, he treats protocol like the koolaid man treats walls. I think there are a lot of questions Going Forward about what Donald Trumps policy towards china will be. It took decades to develop the ground on which we talk to china, and donald trump tore it up today. If i were china right now, i would have no idea whats going on, and im not 100 trump does either. Trevor one knows what trumps plan is. Hes that kind of guy. Wakes up, says, who said that . Me . Oh, okay. Okay. Because nobody knows if he has a plan. This could be a blunder or his opening chess move. Or actually its too complicated. Maybe his opening checkers move. No, no, im sorry. His opening hungry hungry hippos move. Half laug laughter that looks right. There is more skill in that game than you think laughter the president of the United States has a right to determine americas policy toward china. Donald trump doesnt seem to know which direction hes shifting or even how hes shifting it. Now trump is positioning his taiwan call as taking a progressive stance against china. When the story first broke, trump implied in the tweet he didnt plan it. He spoke to the president of taiwan because she called him out of the blue. Which is even more frightening. How are people able to call the president of the United States randomly . And also, if thats the kay, why is he answer if thats the case, why is he randomly answering calls . This is president elect of the United States ringing oh, that could be a world leader or my uber calling. Hold on. Yes, this is donald. Hello, donald, this is tsai ingwen from taiwan. Yeah, im waving. Is that you in the camry . Is that you . laughter who is this man . And this is why everybody is freaking out because it doesnt look like trump knows what hes doing, and chinas relationship with taiwan is too tricky to not know what youre doing. You see, just like Dwayne Johnson wasnt always the rock laughter china wasnt always communist. And after its communist revolution in 1949, all anticommunist fled to taiwan and declared themselves independent from china. Thats how it started, which china vehemently reject which in chinas book stores they open the page and rip out the page for taiwan. Thats crazy exlover behavior. You realize when you rip out a page of the dictionary, you lose not only taiwan, all the other words with t are around it. Taken is gone, thats why liam neesons movies flubbed in china. They had no meaning. Hes like, what . My daughters been gotten . laughter but thats how china rules. And because america tries to respect both china and taiwan, their relationship end up being complicated. Ever since nixons visit to china in 1972, the u. S. Has had a onechina polls, recognizing only one of the two countries that call themselves china. Recognizing taiwan through defense contracts and informal contacts but not as a separate government with its own diplomatic standing. Trump tweeted, interesting how the u. S. Sells taiwan billions of dollars of military equipment but i should not accept a congratulatory call . Trevor it is weird america accepts chinas selling weapons to taiwan but will not stand for a phone call. But its a weird thing you have to respect because its a matter of respect. Sort of like when you visit your grandma, out of respect, you and your girlfriend sleep in separate rooms. Yeah. She knows youre together, but you just act like its not happening. Donald trump, he doesnt do respect, he doesnt play protocols. When hes at grandmas, he bleep bigley. laughter and the crazy thing is, we have to get involved. We are reading up on china because we are afraid because the president of the United States doesnt know what hes doing. Were like, all right, were going to read up just in case, donald. Because no ones ever messed with china like this before. No one really knows what the ramifications may be. It may be nothing or it could lied to a war or maybe china trials to hurt americas economy by stopping all trade. These are all really bad outcomes. Really bad. I will say this, though if a trade war means we dont have to see him in one of those suits anymore, then maybe it was all worth it. Well be right back. applause this is basically nothing. And yet, its everything. Introducing pepsi zero sugar. Zero sugar. Zero calories. But max pepsi taste. Nothing has never tasted so good. groaning continues you got one more. Eed here we go. G push. Congrats i hear youre having a baby. Here we go. 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Do you know how to pick up the pieces and go home . [ male announcer ] rated m for mature. The daily show. The u. S. Military is the biggest, baddest military on the planet, but is that big badness at risk . Hasan minhaj reports. The u. S. Navy is a bad bleep fighting force known for power, speed and synchronized dancing. And now theyre developing Crazy New Technology like rail guns, laser cannons and the great green fleet is what theyre calling it so i hopped on board one of these bad bleep green fighting machines to check out what makes it so powerful. Biofuel. laughter that doesnt sound very bad bleep . I think biofuels is pretty intimidating. The navy was transforming from this into this i wanted to help put the pants back on our military, so i went all the way to the secretary of the navy. Were buying biofuels made out of animal byproduct, made out of used cooking oil, agriculture waste, algae. Youre rung 570 million ship of destruction on algae, and Almond Butter . Yes. This is what the navy is going to look like in ten years. What in the world is that, a doobie . Yeah. That destroyer running on green fuel make the navy better war fighters. We americans love the military but even strong on defense pro military reps were trying to put a stop to this nonsense. From states like colorado. My amendment ends this wasteful and dangerous practice. California. As if its possible to fight an environmentally sensitive war. And oklahoma. How can anyone justify this socalled greening of the military . Exactly. The navys job is hunting down i. S. I. S. , not poll innerring solar panels. This is biofuel. This is regular fuel. You want to use the one that gives you the combat advantage. Thats definitely this one because this one will get me amped and make me want to punch a cop. Thats why i love rock star. That one, the engines last longer. The most vulnerable time for a navy ship is when its refueling and, so, by using biofuels, were staying out at sea weeks longer doing our job. But reps know but republicans know this is just a part of the obama administration. The obama administration. The obama administrations push for green energy. Actually, these programs started in the bush administration. Wait, what . Did i just get scoobydood . This isnt a partisan or political issue. When the climate changes, our responsibilities change. As sea levels rise, as ice melt in the arctic, you will see nations disappear, perhaps. Its a real threat. But youre on boats. Bases dont float. The department of defense uses more fossil fuels than any place on earth, but because were using this, all of a sudden, were not dependent on fossil fuels. Not dependent on fossil fuels . Thats terrible for oil states like colorado, oklahoma and california. Wait a second why do those states sound so familiar . Oh theyre lawmakers are the ones fighting biofuel, and no wonder theyre so upset, not only could they lose oil money but a more Precious Resource campaign checks from oil companies. Youre turning your back on special interests and youre saying, mae, youre not special anymore. I hope so. We cant afford to fall behind in technology. If we stayed with what we had, we would still be using sails. I guess these ships are pretty bad bleep . Choppers, energygenerating suits. This titanic sketch of my naked body, maybe a green military future wont taste so bad. Tastes pretty good. Its awful. Tastes like im drinking a car battery. Trevor thank you, hasan. Well be right back. cheers and applause twentyone years ago we created blue moon. Thats 7,671 moon rises, 48 eclipses and a refreshing taste thats always stayed the same. Creatively inspired. Artfully brewed. Blue moon. A Silicon Valley server farm. The vault to mans greatest wonders. Selfies, cat videos and winking emojis. Speaking of tech wonders, with the geico app you can get roadside assistance, digital id cards. Or even file a claim. Do that. Yeah, yeah that should work. Its not happening. Just try again. Uh, i think i found your problem. Thanks. Hmm. The awardwinning geico app. Download it today. My doctor says i havey, whats skittles pox. Are they contagious . I dont think so. Contract the rainbow taste the rainbow perfect thin, crispy. Od critic miles von gaston . Freshly roasted chipotle peppers. Hmm, mild smokey taste. He knows this isnt a restaurant right . Visit pepsiandtostitos. Com and you could win unreal nfl experiences. Trevor welcome back. My guest tonight is a musician and actor whose new album is called darkness and light. He can also be seen in the upcoming movie la la land. You say you want to save jazz . How you gonna save jazz if no ones listening . Jazz is dying because of people like you. Youre playing to 90yearolds at the lighthouse, and where are the kids . Where are the young people . Youre so obsessed with kenny clark and felonious monk. These guys were revolutionaries. How are you going to be a revolutionary if youre such a traditionalist . Youre holding onto the past, but jazz is about the future. Trevor please welcome john legend cheers and applause hello hey trevor welcome to the show. My friend, its finally good to be here. Trevor its good to have you finally. I have been wanting to have you on the show. Glad you made it and not a moment too soon. Youre doing everything. Youre living up to the name. Everything this week. laughter my album came out friday and the movie comes out this friday. Trevor lets talk about the movie first. This is something new for you. Yes. Trevor la la land, a lot of hype around the film. A lot of people saying its a fantastic movie. Ryan gosling, emma stone, and yourself, its so secret they wouldnt let me watch it before hand. So i have to ask you, what is it about . Oh, you could have faked it . I could have faked it . Im sure. Trevor i watch everything. Come on. Trevor no, i watch everything. The movie is about ryan and emma. They embark on a romance but also move to los angeles so they can become stars in their respective field. Really, ryans character really doesnt want to be a star. He wants to play jazz piano and own a nightclub. Emmas character want to be an actress. You see the ups and downs of their career and also romance, and i represent sort of like a villain to ryans character because im kind of telling him, you know, this whole jazz thing youre trying to do is not going to work out, and im trying to steer him in a more kind of commercial direction, and hes trying to decide which way he wants to go. Trevor you smile the way you say it like you enjoyed playing a villain. Theres a look in your eye while youre telling me that. My wife watched this. He said, john, keith is an bleep . Thats my character. Trevor was it fun . He wasnt that much of an bleep but he was trying to give ryans character a bit of a reality check. Trevor lets talk about the album, darkness and light. Yes. Trevor this is a beautiful album. Thank you. Did you really listen to it . Trevor i did. He really listened to it. applause trevor what surprised me were some of the themes, though. Yeah. Trevor i mean, like, you have images of iraq. You have themes of, you know, i guess the violence and the oppression of the black man and the black woman in america. Sure. Trevor thats not something a person would normally associate a john legend album with. Well, you might not have associated my albums with it but if you follow me on twitter, you know what i talk and think about. If youve seen me on those like this, you know what i talk about and think about. So i think about a lot of Different Things and i wanted to incorporate some of that into the music, because i always write about romance, and i still do on this album. But i want to incorporate more of my world view into the music, and so thats what we tried to do on this music. Trevor whats your Favorite Song . No one asks the artist that. My Favorite Song, my favorite track is darkness and light, overload a song i did with miguel, and a song i wrote for my daughter called i write for you, luna applause trevor oh, thats sweet. Lets talk about your Organization Free america. You say youre vocal on twitter. Sure, im vocal as an activist. We visit prisons, jails and Detention Centers around the country, juvenile centers and were trying to make america a less incarcerated place. Trevor what does that mean . We are the most incarcerated country so thats a fact. A set of policies and actions by our politicians over the last 40 years have led us to that place and were trying to reverse that. So part of it is through getting involved in local elections with sheriffs and d. A. S that control a lot of these decisions, part of it is changing laws on a state level like weve done in california, texas and other places. Some of it is federal as well. But most of it actually is on a state and local level. So we get involved working with activists working on the ground and help pass laws to make us a freer place. Trevor if someone is saying i want to get involved, do something that will help and move the country forward, where can they start . I think there is a lot of places, depending on what youre worried about and whats important, but in a trump administration, we should worry about places like planned parenthood, the aclu, organizations that are out there to protect people, the Legal Defense fund for the naacp. All these places that are out there trying to protect the people from an oppressive government and from people that would want to take their rights away. So we all need to be involved and be vigilant and Pay Attention to what the government is doing under our name and with our money and hold them accountable and support organizations that are fighting the power. cheers and applause trevor let me ask you a question, because this is something i grapple with sometimes and i know a lot of people do. Ive seen people say, john legend, great singer hate his politics trevor shut up do, what youre good at, leave the politics to the politicians, sing more yeah. So i assume i always wonder if those people are actually politicians because i dont think they are. So what theyre telling me that them as plumbers are more qualified to talk about politics than i as a singer am, but were all citizens. Were all part of this country, we all vote, we all pay taxes, and what decisions our politicians make impact all of us. So just because i have more followers than you applause laughter doesnt mean its suddenly out of bounds for me to talk about politics but you can talk about it to me. So i think what they really want to do is me agree with them. If i agree with them, they would be perfectly happy for me to talk about politics. But we all have to be involved and Pay Attention to whats happening, and when we have something to say, we should say it, and i have a special platform and im not going to waste it. Trevor i appreciate you applause trevor la la land, december 9 and everywhere december 16 in theaters, december 16 in theaters, darkness and light i girl youre going to need me. Youre going to need us. All of us. Youre going to need our help with your water. Your air, your food. Youre going to need our determination, our compassion. Youre going to need the next generation of leaders to face the challenges the future will bring. And we promise well be there when you need us