Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20170622 : vimarsana.com

With money taken from addicts. Canada is back to being an ethical, respected, shitty tundra. [ cheers and applause ] im gonna move here and here, and then im gonna roll to kill this zombie. Okay, good idea. What are you gaywods doing . Were playing board games so that grandpa avoids the casino and i avoid freemium apps. Well, all right. Good for you guys. Tell you what, ill join you. Board games go good with a glass of wine. Thats not a glass. Thats a trophy. That you won. For drinking. Its not drinking. Its called a wine zinfandel sipping sprint, and its competitive. Get off your high [bleep] horse. Your turn, grandpa. If you roll a five or six, you can kill these zombies. You guys want to put some money on it . [ thud ] Comedy Central from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show. Thank you so much for tuning in. Im trevor noah. Our guest tonight, here to talk about his new album, the nashville sound, jason isbell is here, everybody. cheers and applause really excited for that. But first, news coming out of the shark world. Michael phelps is fast. But can he outswim a shark . The Discovery Channel says the olympic legend will help kick off its eightday shark week marathon by racing a great white a great white. Trevor man, white people are having a good time. laughter now, can Michael Phelps beat the shark . No, the answer is no, no. If a shark stops swimming, it literally dies. If Michael Phelps stops swimming hes just a tall guy with weird arms. There is no race. Like, this is just a stupid stunt. Its not a real race. If you really want to get me interested, you know what you do . Have the shark and Michael Phelps in the same water. No barrier, yeah, two great whites enter. Only one will emerge. laughter thats what i want to watch. applause and who knows . Who knows . You may be surprised. Afterwards, people will be like, wow, i cant believe Michael Phelps ate the shark. Wow laughter my money is on the shark winning, mostly because this race is to promote shark week. So this is, like, full pressure on the shark. laughter it has to win. It cant lose to a human on shark week. That would be so embarrassing. That would be like if lebron got dunked on by Jeff Sessions during black history month. That would be the most embarrassing thing ever. laughter applause so moneys on the shark. But lets move on. Lets move on, because i dont know if you heard, but last night, the Democratic Party ended forever. Breaking news this morning, a major blow to democrats. In georgia karen handel beat jon ossoff in the most extensive house race ever. A big blow per democrats who are bitterly divide. So this is not the outcome any of us were hoping for. No no way 2018 but this is the beginning of something much bigger than us. cheers and applause trevor politicians have to be so upbeat when they lose. I wish one of them would be like, i lost . bleep everything sucks, man this is bleep ill be at home eating spaghettios over the sink. This house seat has been in republican hands since Newt Gingrich was elected 40 years ago. All politics is local. Handel ran a race that was tailored to this district. Jon ossoff is a guy who worked for al jazeera and doesnt live in the district. That was never a match. Trevor right, so this was a republican stronghold. He didnt live in the district. It could have even been he looked so young. Ossoff looked less like a politician and more like he should be bike around looking for the upside down. But, people, lets be honest here. Theres a more obvious reason why democrats havent won by running against trump. You see, democrats are clearly living in a bubble, where they think its obvious to everyone that trump is bad. So even though trump has only been president for 150 days, to a democrat, it feels like 150 years. What you dont realize is that trumps presidency isnt even a toddler yet. Even though it sounds like one, it isnt. laughter so, to think that Trump Supporters would at this point be fed up with him, like, its just not realistic. Time is relative. You realize that. As a democrat, its like, its been forever. Hes messing up. When youre not having a good time, time lasts forever. Right now, the democrats are the designated driver at the club who is not drinking. You have ever done that . Have you ever spent the whole night at the club sober. You will see how long a night can feel. You are standing there like bleep this is what we do now . Were just standing here waving our arms for six hours . But when youre drinking, youre like, what, do you mean were closing . Oh, my god, have we been here for a week . Wow, time flies. Those are Trump Supporters. And for them, its only 1 00 a. M. In the club. Trump hasnt actually done anything to anybody. We have to just give him a chance to and i hate to use this vernacular but drain the swamp. Were now in the middle of june. Give me a word or phrase to describe donald trump. I would say honest. Productive. Tough s. O. B. A lot of people are calling in and bashing trump, and the guy has been in less than six months. Give the guy a chance. Trevor now, i know what youre thinking yes, trump has black supporters. laughter but, secondly, you have to admire the optimism of these people. They see what trump is doing, but theyre still like, i know it looks bad, but give him a chance. Like, if there was an earthquake, these are the same people who book saying, hold on hold on. We dont know where this is going. Hold on. Not yet. It might shake the stuff back on to the shelves. Hold on hold on you never know you never know hold on give it a chance give it a chance. applause now, im not saying democrats wont win in 2018 or that they need to change their message, necessarily. Im just saying that it might be too early for trumps people to make a judgment about him. Trump has still got that new president smell for them. Yeah, i mean, it smells like hair spray and taco bowls, but its still new for them, still new. Now, speaking of things that dont seem to change, yesterday on the show, we spoke about the killing of Philando Castile, right, and the verdict that exonerated th Police Officer who shot him. And, honestly, i thought that i felt all i could feel about this story until i got home, and i watched a newly released video. And if you have already watched this video, you dont have to watch it again. I wouldnt say anyone has to watch this video, but if you havent seen it, it is graphic, and you probably should watch it. And were going to play it for you now. Authorities have released dashcam video revealing the chilling moments that led to a Police Officer shooting and killing Philando Castile during a traffic stop last year in minnesota. The video comes just four days after a jury found the Police Officer not guilty of manslaughter. You have your license and registration . Sir, i have to tell you, i do have a firearm on me. Okay, dont reach for it then. Dont pull it out. Dont pull it out gunshots bleep . Did you just kill my boyfriend he wasnt reaching. Dont pull it out he wasnt. Dont move oh, man. bleep this is oh, my god. Oh, my god dont move oh, my god dont move oh, my god im shaking dont move. Dont move, baby. Code three get the baby girl out of here oh, bleep . Trevor i wont lie to you. When i watched this video, it broke me. It just it broke me. You see so many of these videos, and you start to get numb, but this one, seeing the child, that little girl, getting out of the car, after watching a man get killed, it broke my heart into little pieces. Like, i thought of every joke people make about oh, the most confusing day in the hood is fathers day people dont know where their parents are, haha. Black dads. Thats a black dad thats gone. Thats a child that grows up not knowing what its like to have somebody in their life. Like, you watch that video, and you know you know whats the you know whats the most painful thing . For years, for years, people said that theres a simple solution to police shootings. Just give the police body cameras. Film everything. Then there will be no question about what happens. Yeah. And black people have already taken that initiative. Thanks to cell phones, every black person has a body cam now. Black people have been saying for years, just give us just give us an indictment, just an indictment. Get us in front of a jury, in front of a jury of our peers, of our fellow citizens. Well show them the video, the evidence, and then they will see it, and justice will be served. And black people finally get there, and its like, what, what . Nothing . You hear the stories, but you watch that, and forget race. Are we all watching the same video . The video where a lawabiding man followed the officers instructions to the letter of the law and was killed regardless. People watch that video and then voted to acquit . And the saddest thing is that wasnt the only video that they watched. You told him to get his i. D. , sir, his drivers license. Keep your hands where they are yes, i will, sir. I will keep my hands where they are. Please, officer, dont tell me that you just did this to him. You shot four bullets into him, sir. Trevor you shot four bullets into him, sir. Its bleep mind blowing that Diamond Reynolds has just seen her boyfriend shot in front of her. She still has the presence of mind to be deferential to the policeman. In that moment, the cop has panicked, but, clearly, black people never forget their training. Still, in that moment, the black person is saying, sir, i respect you, sir. I understand what i need to do, sir. The same thing Philando Castile did. But still, according to the law, the jury had to make a decision. That decision is, do you think this policeman was justified in thinking that his life was in danger . And their opinion, having watched that video, having listened to that exchange, they still said, yes, yes, i can see why that cop was afraid. But why . Lets be honest. Just why . Why would they say he was afraid . Was it because Philando Castile was being polite . Was it because he was following the officers instructions . Was it because he was in the car with his family . Or was it because Philando Castile was black . Its one thing to have the system against you the district attorneys, the police unions, the courts thats one thing. But when a jury of your peers, your community, sees this evidence and decides that even this is selfdefense, that is truly depressing. Because what theyre basically saying is in america, it is officially reasonable to be afraid of a person just because they are black. And thats the truth of what we saw with this verdict. Saw with this verdict. Well be right back. I may be dead, but let me tell myou one last thing. D get the new ipad pro it has the powerful a10x fusion chip, so you wont miss me at all thanks ghost computer. Whoops, forgot my powercord, coming back down. Its a lightly fruit heflavored, low carb,g. Spiked sparkling water. So now you can make the ultra light choice. Henrys hard sparkling. The ultra light choice. Well youre really gonna hate the new ipad pro because you can do pretty much everything with it, like type. Hate it. Or take notes. Hate it. Or even multitask. Multihate yeah. You can do all the things you hate. Great. Officials are reporting, this new doritos mix is responsible for the worldwide bold outbreak. Woo hoo over you to you tom things have gone totally around the bend. Has the world gone completely bold . New doritos mix. Four snacks in one. Welcome. I am the extra crispy colonel. And my extra crispy five dollar fillup is a tasty, real meal for just five dollars. Mmm kfc. Its extra crispy good. livestreat the airport. E sport, binge dvrd shows, while painting your toes. On demand laughs, during long bubble baths. Tv on every screen is awesome. The allnew Xfinity Stream app. All your tv at home. The most on demand, your entire dvr, top networks, and live sports on the go. Included with xfinity tv. Xfinity the future of awesome. The daily show. Now, i dont know about you, but ive been a little bummed out lately about the news. Theres just a lot of heavy stuff going on, you know the u. S. And russia are moving toward open warfare in syria. And youve got syria itself. Tensions with north korea are getting even worse. And the han solo movie is even falling apart. laughter and then yesterday, i turned on nbc news, and this is how it starts. Tropical storm warning expanded on the gulf coast from texas to louisiana. Also, crippling heat. So hot in one city, its forcing flights to be grounded. A violent ride. Severe turbulence sends passengers and a crew member to the hospital in houston. Train station explosion in brussels. Soldiers open fire. Another apparent terror attack thwarted. And opioid epidemics striking so many families, theyre running out of treatment beds. Jails being turned into detox centers. Trevor goddamn laughter and i thought the saddest thing on nbc was megyn kellys ratings. What the hell honestly, people, im getting anxious. Im getting depressed, and i dont think anything is going to cheer me up. I just, you know oh, boy a turntable what . Where am i . Dj khaled. Youre inical eds world. Oh, wow. Dj khaled. Its so colorful. You mean its khaleful. Lets go. Trevor oh, khaled how do you look so cool when you fall . Ive fallen so many times, i realize falling is flying. So when i fall, i fly. And when i fly, i fall. Gravity pulls you down, but it lifts me up. Trevor, this has got to be the slowest cheetah to ever live. Hes slow, but hes not unhappy. Every cheetah lives their own truth at whatever speed. If you cant be big, the key is you gotta think big. Breathing underwater, dj ical ed. When you let go of the outrage, the bleep boys cant hurt you. Trevor wow, are these the bleep boys . No, these are the kimono dragons. Trevor how come i have to ride the middle polar bear . Youre just a baby in the world of positivity, trevor. But you will grow. Trevor, feed this butterfly with this apple. Trevor what . Butterflies dont eat apples. Doesnt matter. Now feed him with another one. And another one. burb and, of course, another one. Make sure you give the hedgehog this bag of money. Major bag alert trevor dj khaled, hedgehogs dont need money. Thats what you think. Secure the future. Trevor hey, yo, khaled, what does this jet ski symbolize . Easy. It symbolizes a jet ski. Trevor, this is the end of our journey. Trevor i feel so much better, dj khaled. Then my work is done here, my friend. Trevor but wait. What do we do if we feel sad again . The key is listen to grateful and be grateful and be great. Youre going to be great. I have faith in you. Trevor bye, dj khaled cheers and applause trevor well be right back. [ ] how do they make starburst taste so juicy . They use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] its about to get juicy. Whoo i feel so aliii. It takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. The markets can be new york life on the other hand is as consistent as my free throw shooting. Theyve paid a dividend to participating policy owners every year since 1854. It may not be sexy, but it works. Be good at life. New york life. [crunch] yeah [slap] [slap] [punch] [crunch] no splashing wait, so you got rid of verizon, just like that . Uh huh. I switched to tmobile, kept my phone everything on it oh, they even paid it off wow yeah, its nice that every bad decision doesnt have to be permanent now you can ditch verizon but keep your phone. Well even pay it off when you switch to tmobile. Its a lightly fruit flavored, under 95 calorie, spiked sparkling water. So now you can make the ultra light choice. Henrys hard sparkling. The ultra light choice. I believe in me too. I am the unicorn of your confidence hi guys. In the desert. Be here. At the mall. On the mountain. At school. At the beach. In the big easy. Yeah yeah today i want to show you guys the nextgen chevy equinox. What do you think . Thats pretty. Pretty sexy. It looks aggressive. But not overbearing. Its not too big. Not too small. Seems like the perfect car for anybody. I would take it anywhere. Shes a bad mama jama. laughter current qualified gm lessees can get this introductory lease on the allnew 2018 chevy equinox for around 249 a month. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is a grammy awardwinning musician whose new album is called the nashville sound. Please welcome jason isbell. applause trevor welcome to the show. Thank you, sir. Trevor this is so good to have you here. I have been told by many people that you are the definition of folk music right now. That is, like, the thing that they say. And then im always like, oh, cool, like country . And theyre like, no, folk. Folk music. Why is that such a big distinction, folk versus country . I think folk music deals in narrative, more than anything else. Trevor thats interesting. You know, folk music kind of harkens back to a time when we made up songs so we didnt forget our storys. And thats what i think im trying to do more than anything else is remember the world and my own experience experiences at explain it to myself. And i think if youre doing that, youre a folk musician, no matter how loud your amps are, how tight your jeans are, how bedazzled your cowboy shirts are, you wind up being a folk musician. Trevor thats a nice you said the tight jeans with a little bit of contempt. I like that. You do get a bit of grief from people, you know. You are outspoken on social media. You speak your mind wherever you go. I mean, this album is one that some people would deem political, but you dont really think it is. Like, why do you speak out as much as you do . Some people say, just be an artist. Well, i think thats the thing. Theres a difference between an artist and an entertainer. What im trying to do is make something that isnt exactly for entertainment purposes. And i think to be an artist you have to set an honest location, and you have to tell people what youre life is like, your life is like, and what your experiences are like while youre telling the story because to tell any good story, you have to have a good setting. And right now were in were in some heat. Were i cant tell if were in the frying pan or the fire right now, but its one or the other, for sure. Trevor it is a time that has inspired your music. I look at many of the titles of the songs, and one that jumped out at me was when you were singing about a white mans world. Uhhuh. Trevor you know, i mean, someone may see that and be, like, hell, yeah, i want to listen to this. Right. Trevor and then the song goes in the complete opposite direction because you are commenting on a world that is clearly in favor of some people and biased against others. I was interested in why you wrote the song. In my experience i have a daughter, and shes almost two years old now. And i was home with her the day after the election. The thing that popped into my mind is thank god she was a inn faint. If she was a couple of years older i would have to be like, this is what happened today. And this is why your father doesnt know anything about human people in this country anymore. laughter a couple of days ago i thought i knew them. A couple of days before that election, i thought i come from the country. I come from the south. And theyre good people at heart, you know. Theyve got some problems, but theyre good people. They wont do a bad thing. They wont overlook bad behavior. They wont reward bad behavior, by, you know, making this man be in charge of the free world for three or foredays until he no longer became the person who was in charge of the free world. That went to the german chancellor. Trevor it feels like you know, it feels its interesting, because youre saying this to me, and hearing that accent, and then singing some of this music, they would expect to you hold political views that would be diametrically opposed to what you are saying right now. Do some of your fans ever clash with the idea of you versus what you talk about and who you are . I think some of them do. I dont think theres a lot of them that do, though, because i think i worked really hard over the course of my career to surround myself with openminded people. Trevor right. And i did that by yeah, this may seem like the most overt collection of messages that i have put out on an album before. But if you were really listening to the songs, you know where i i was in the drive by truckers, and we werent singing about your normal Charlie Daniels when the eagle flies, were all going to die kind of country music. I mean, we were a bunch of nasty punk rockers. We were from alabama, but we believed pretty much everything was all right for a while there, you know. And for me, its i dont know. Its surprising now when i catch vitriol online, you know, from people. And thats the only place you ever really hear it because im 61, 200 pounds. Nobody comes up to my face, i hate this song. Its always moms basement guys, you know. Anyway. laughter applause trevor can i tell you can i tell you, i recently fell in love with your music, but i think i would pay to listen to you talk all night. applause cheers i wish we could. Well, thank you. Trevor thank you so much for being here. Thank you, trevor. Trevor jason will be doing a special acoustic performance exclusively for us. So check it out on thedailyshow. Com. Jason isbell, everybody. Well be right back