Transcripts For CSPAN2 Alejandra 20240704 : vimarsana.com

Us Alejandra Campoverdi and jen a memoir. Alejandra campoverdi is a nationally Womens Health advocate founder, producer and former white house aide to president obama. She produced and appeared in the celebrated pbs documentary inheritance founded the latinos and brca Awareness Initiative in partnership, the penn medicines besa center and has served as a First White House Deputy Director of hispanic media. Alejandro is currently the boards of Harvard Shorenstein center on politics and Public Policy and friends of the national museum, the american latino and the California Community foundation. She holds a in policy Public Policy, Harvards Kennedy school of government and graduated cum laude from the university of southern california. Her book is described as an unflinching memoir about navigating social mobility as a first gen latina, offering both a riveting personal story and an examination of the emotional tolls of a trailblazer part memoir part manifesto, first gen is a story of generational inheritance, aspiration, and the true meaning of belonging, a gripping journey to, quote, reclaim the parts of ourselves we sacrificed in to survive, unquote. We have her in conversation this evening. Another wellrenowned person here in our community and a good friend of books and books, fernand amandi is the managing partner of bendixen and amandi, the nations leading, multilingual and multiethnic Public Opinion research and Strategic Communications consulting firm. Over the last 25 years, theyve conducted large scale projects for numerous corporations, multinational institutions, political candidates, and elected officials for over 30 countries and as many as 20 different languages. Mr. Armanis communications projects and analysis have been featured in the new york times, cnn public radio, the washington post, usa today, newsweek, time, the economist, and, of course, the miami commercial. Please, lets give them both a nice, nice welcome. Thank you for coming its so wonderful to see all so familiar and new faces. Im really excited about this conversation. Asian, especially in this city of every of all of them. And with this incredible person that i know, a friend, but also as a colleague and researching this population. Fernando ill kind of pass the mic. You well i want to start by obviously thanking all of you and alejandro. I also want to thank barack obama because hes the person that helped me meet this extraordinaire, author that we have here tonight. Ive met alejandro and if you remember chicago in the 2008 president ial campaign, it was the final weeks. Everything charged. And there were a bunch of, you know, interesting engaged, intelligent, young, dynamic. But alejandro, even then out as someone who made a tremendous not just on me, but on everyone her and to see her come full circle with this extraordinary book is just remarkable. But i guess the first question i have for you, as long as ive known you, what impressed me so much about the book. In addition, you know what you talk about firsthand is the searing honesty. And, you know, youve always been someone who has been open and transparent, but i want to start by asking, did you it difficult to be as open and talk about some of the issues you had to go through and struggle as a first gen in telling this memoir of yours. You know, thanks for that question. The interesting thing is thats actually why i wrote the book was that that feeling of needing to be more honest, i was giving a speech at harvards latin next graduation. I mentioned this in the book and when i was looking out at the young people kind of looking at their faces like i am with all you right now, i started recognizing emotions that i had had when i went through the same thing and kind of that twisty, sometimes contradictory, dynamic, these big moments in our lives. But the the struggles of what we got, we went through to get there being just as present. But thats not having a lot of space and. So when i went to, to speak to these young people, i felt like i was just only telling a part of the story. And thats not really helping anyone. So i started changing the way i would speak, and when i would give these these talks and what i started realizing was a lot of nodding faces and a lot of kind of wet eyes and occurred to me that talking about this and this vulnerability is actually this connective tissue thats really important. And when i had the opportunity to write this book over covid, i to unravel this first generation experience in a way that really was true to the spaces between our bullet points. Because right now, the introduction, beautiful introduction that we both had. Thank you much was and doesnt tell the whole story we know that those are thats what weve done not we are and so lets about who we are so that we all feel less alone and more validated in our journeys. You know, you talk about that and thinking not just the struggles of you call the first and only the gen the trailblazer toll where lay out a series of variable roles that you know, you dont necessarily think about. Others dont think about as people like yourself and others who to kind of walk that path are balancing while at the time trying to make it so to speak. So if could speak a little bit about too what are some of those particular elements i think you laid out eight components or eight variables in the book, but to insight into what people might be thinking of, it isnt just the drive that first gen person faces or, you know, the support that they have behind them. Theyre also to navigate many Different Things that tend to people, that of that, you know, that are not of that experience not to really take into consideration if you could speak to that a little bit. Absolutely. And id make a point in the book to say, you know, im not a therapist here or a social scientist. And im not saying that this trailblazer is comprehensive of all everyones experiences, all at once. But what i did think was important, is, you know, we cant heal from what we dont name. And theres a lot of the gen experience that is centered seems to be centered around imposter syndrome and that idea but so much that unfolds throughout our lives that is has not been put under an umbrella to understand oh, wait this this kind risk taking or this pontification or this guilt on in my life, like this is all coming from a similar place, but there so i wanted with the trailblazer told start having that conversation that these this is all a composite of experience that we can kind of look back at and understand in a way that is connected it starts even before were born. I mean the first trailblazer toll component that i talk about is invisible inheritances, which are these emotional inheritance is that our drumbeats throughout our and and it at harvard when i actually first heard about something called the gina graham and i dont know if anyone here knows what that is but gina graham is basically like a family but its a family tree of the emotional inheritances that pass through your family. The relationships amongst people and you think you kind of know. But when you zoom out and you create one. And i actually include one a blank one in the back of the book is, a resource you start to kind of thing. Okay, these patterns are starting to make sense. These choices, these relationships, these choices, partners, all of this. And how is it that i choose to either disrupt or continue . Because not all necessarily bad, like this book is not about pointing fingers or or blaming or being depressing in any way. Its actually about, you know, validating our experiences and being open eyed about at what made us who we are and and what is, again how is what is our personal journey look like . And thats the best thing anyones told me about this book, is they called it a resource. And ive been really intentional about in the back of the book, having materials and links to everything that i talk about in the book to continue on the trailblazer tool, i mean ill jump all the way the end to break away guilt and this is one that you know again we dont name very much but in my experience talking to folks, a lot of us feel, which is, you know when youre the first generation, you start making more money than anyone else in your family, even maybe your parents, you know, what does that expect science feel like . What responsible do you feel . How does that come up for you in the most unexpected ways . Like when youre sitting on vacation and youre like, i wish my mom was here i wish her mom could experience this. You know its theres again its not a melancholy. So as as just that tend to come up are unexpected and we dont realize common they are you know and you talk that because from the outside especially for someone like yourself who is a first gen who reached pinnacle of several different industry so to speak. One thinks everything is going its its proof the American Dream, so to speak that someone can, you know, overcome such obstacles. At the same time youre uncovering many other first gens do as they reach new challenges, as they start to find their world has an impact thats maybe unexpected and and i struck by a very poignant moment in the book youre sitting in the white, i think, and you send an to all of your friends and family about you know ive been dealing with the campaign weve got the transition and you get this response from someone in particular. Its a one word response ill admit i a little verklempt reading it if you dont mind. And obviously by book everybody but tell this story what happened here like oh we were you know the punch line and this and this is something that, you know, i even thought of it myself. You know, this is what so to speak. And the dichotomy of trying to achieve that. Maybe people in your hometown or your family never did, but reaching those heights, you start to uncover a little turbulence. Yeah. You know, the one word response i received when i sending this kind of update was unsubscribe. And it had come from. My best friend of, i dont know at that point, maybe like 15 years and. You know, i talk about in the book how it been some years of kind of fracture that had been happening because when i went away to harvard, to grad schools, i had said, you know, come visit, come hang out. And she kind of kept admiring and then finally said, i dont want to meet your snotty friends. And so there was a part of life that i had started to kind of hold back and feel selfconscious about. And i watched the fracture grow and grow and became more and more heard. Im sure she was becoming more and more hurt and we were kind of in our corners, but neither of us really had language for what was happening. But to your point, its wider because we lose a lot, gain a lot in this journey. You lose a lose a lot of friendships, a lot of relations, a lot of closeness and, you know, i would say social mobility, a lot of costume changes as youre moving through these spaces, it almost looks like youre changing or shedding, but were still i mean, i speak for myself. Im still who i was. Youre when youre moving through these spaces, trying to figure out how to survive and morph and kind of climb and youre moving so fast and everyone saying, you know, that that i mentioned in the book when youre youre skating over thin ice, your speed is safety. Thats a lot of time how you feel. And so i also wanted to center the experience, how that might look to other people when youre of moving in that speed and what that might feel like and also it feels like for the person whos doing it and, who isnt, doesnt want to like leave anyone behind or change anything other than again like adapt to a surrounding that feels like its existential. Theres a line i loved in the book where you talk about a trailblazer, someone who in essence as a first gen is achieving new heights and in essence breaking glass ceilings. Thats their family or their predecessors didnt experience. Theyre also sometimes tasked with cleaning up the shards. The glass of that experience. So i thought that was that was beautifully put. Well, everyone like break the glass ceilings, but happens after you break the glass ceilings are coming down so you know i thought it fascinating also that there is one moment in the book where, again, the outside perspective, living your best life, you know, youre in the white house working in this administration, you know, and folks, anyway, rachel, have you worked in politics and you dont work in politics . So a couple of, you know, like to have a job that alejandro had in the white house working for a brand new democrat president , the next jfk. A lot of people thought it was like a great job have but yet you struggled early on and i remember there was one moment i want to give it away you also look at it in the book. You have this very unanticipated episode that happened. We talk about everything and people by the book. All right lets see. Lets just go there. Just talk about it. We always be selling or always be closing as they say. But at one point your boss, you kind of trepidatious you know youve done a firsthand so to speak you kind of unknowingly violated what may be a social pas, but your boss comes back to and says three words that are also an alternative mantra for it is to be a first gen member with those three words were to the word do the work talk about doing work and how that becomes also a grounding but also isolating for a first gen i consider it a privilege to be able to do the work. The thing you know, a lot of times, you know, you feel that what you might have done get to where you did or the embarrassing jobs or the embarrassing situations or all of that can be weaponized against you. When you get there, youre like, im just here to do the i just want to do my job. And how is it that you sometimes disqualify yourself or feel like you disqualified yourself along the way . And i just wanted to say one thing, because i understand how lucky i was to have that position. And im super grateful for of these opportunities. And, you know, lets keep it real. I start this is the first word of words of the book. Im going to keep it real with you. Lets it real about what the cost is . What is this trailblazer toll . What this look like when youre the first when we have one third of students right now in college or first gen but only 90 of them or 90 of them dont graduate in time. I mean, you think about this, millions of students were talking about so i do want to talk about doing the work and being in these places, what that looks like. And i also want to make sure were super honest about that takes because that is the part that was missing for me you know in a lot of ways i wrote the book i wish i had back then and the part that i still feel that when we talk about imposter syndrome recentering it that were not confident enough so much is missing from that. I want to im going ask a question now im going to go back towards you, but i want to center the poll that we did together because there was along this topic, there was Something Interesting that i think makes a point that were talking about right now. So to take it back one second. When i wrote this book, enough memoirs and these stories are anecdotal now we all know that this stuff is is true for a lot of us. But it is anecdotal to share know our personal experiences and but so lets lets talk to first gen students you know for now and i together and i wanted to commission a study to really hear from their mouths do they feel that there is a negative impact to their mental and Emotional Health and being a first gen student, while 65 said yes. Right. And what are the most impactful Mental Health aspects of this experience . And i think the answer will surprise. And what we found was imposter syndrome what is again stage always in these conversations was it the bottom number one was financial trauma, which i dont think is a surprise to here. And number two, the reason why i wrote this book was loneliness and isolation, which is crazy when you think of how many people were talking about. So i actually wanted turn the floor for a second to our brilliant pollster here. If you can speak to, you know, what surprised you and also just this experience to talk is to look, i think in conducting the study, i mean, the book gives a face to this concept in a way that i havent seen it articulated as in print before, before the book. But this of first gen, its not small thing, its not a small slice of american society. And when you look at the fact that those the i think the statistic is. 500,000 hispanic x turn 18 every year the United States and that will be the case for the next 25 years. The vast majority of those are either first gen or children directly, children of immigrants themselves. So this is something that you see come life in the numbers. And what theyre saying is, yeah, were struggling is hard and would a face to me with the numbers and reading it with the book is as we saw those cries for financial help and financial trauma. What i took away from the poll was, its harder i think be a first gen now in a lot of respects it was when you had your opportunity and i did in the nineties and in late nineties when it seemed that the economy was stronger now we saw in these and the poll people on campuses saying we need more support financially emotionally we need programs designed for us to help us navigate experience of going college for the first time. And when youre a legacy and i love that you talked about when you went to harvard the notion legacy came with new concept for you the idea of a legacy well for a first and they dont even know what that is you know for oftentimes they are first truly to ever set foot on a college campus, let alone attend inherently in being first gen is the breaking of a cycle, you know, and and we had we talked a lot about harvard and the white house, but i always say for me i think the hardest journey was getting childhood to college. That was the biggest leap, frankly, because once youve gone to harvard, go into working in the white house, isnt as big of a leap. Im not saying that thats an easy thing to do by any means, but when you grow up and you dont. These conversations around dinner table, there isnt a lot of financial security. I mean, i about in the book that there were there were usually the second and third week of the month where there was nothing in the fridge except for one little section with my name on it because my mom would protect it and it was something she had bought with her stamps. And it said alis food called me ali after ali macgraw. She loved that movie love story. But seeing that as a child still has ripples for me yet still affects the way that i eat at a buffet. I dont know if you guys have that. Like theres something about buffets and youre just like, i have to taste everything because. Like, i dont know why i realized on that. Thats not something that everyone does. Other people just kind of like leave food a cannot waste food. But anyway i but yeah theres there is so many tentacles of all these and the childhood teen years a lot of this was born in that time and so i dont want to skip over that because thats where my own adolescence and my own kind of childhood trauma was mixed with that of my familys and my mothers. And thats a complicated part about. Writing this book is a posing in a lot of ways pain of other people and the responsibility that we also have to protect it and to honor it. You know, and as kind of an ambassador of first gen, you never really stop being the first gen, no matter how far you advance or how successful you become career wise, financially there was this other moment later in the book, i im skipping ahead, but you at one point decide to run for office. Likes all the old stuff. Im like you back to the kids and someone says to, all right, well, alejandro, all you need to do raise 100,000 in ten days. Ten days. But dont worry. You know, your family and your close friends. Ill help you do half of that. And which is a lot of people right before our first gen, we look at it back like, you know, if we had that kind of first of all, at that time, i had six figure, four student loan debt, you know, because, you know, one part that i really want to center is, again, we keep saying, oh, yeah, i went to harvard, went to harvard by taking out full Student Loans because that was what was to me and in my mind, maybe im nuts. I was like, im not going to miss this opportunity. I around into this. Like, im going to go and i swear to you, i like sweating to death. I was signing the promissory note because how we make our first gen students and our students, period, whether or not theyre first gen basically put under this noose of debt in order to go to higher education, which just getting worse and worse. And we could talk about that for hour, but i totally lost my train of thought. What are we talking about . Just how you never say. Just wanted me to write. Thank you. So they wanted me to raise 200,000. I was. , thats what i just like, took out for school. That is an interesting chapter because i had worked in part two politics in that sense shouldnt surprised me that much i worked pretty level politics but being a candidates different and the worlds biggest microscope and all that, i came up against a lot of the trailblazer talk components that i thought i was well past and i just went careening into them. Alejandro for people that may be asking, what wait a minute . You know, this is great. You know, the books, i love your story, but how is this unique . You know, every american generation at one point or another is first gen. What does it about what youre laying claim to are basically trying to articulate and describe the experiences that this country is having grapple with today that maybe they didnt have deal with as much in the past . Well, you know, im not trying to compare different eras so much as really trying to Center Social mobility period, because we really do have this disney land version of social mobility. And the American Dream that we still perpetuate and why its so beautiful and and and so hopeful and first gen students in particular we see this in the poor are amongst the most blindly optimistic i mean think having everything around you saying and youre not going to be able to do this no one else has done this and youre like oh yeah. They were all like, were going to be able to buy houses. Were going to be able to spend our, make more than our parents. Were going to be able to make all this financial risk worth it. Like there was just this beautiful drive that had no it was faith. It was pure faith. And i get that because thats what a lot of times is motivate you. But thats one of the reasons why i really expanded the definition of first gen, because first gen in the book, in the very beginning said that were not talking about just latinos, children of immigrants, even though that certainly a big demographic, but the first thing your family to go to college, the first of your family to break out of a cycle of poverty, the first in your family to be a professional theres so many different gradations of this experience. And i think the experience of social mobility and crossing these thresholds, whether there are physical borders, emotional borders, borders that me is is unique is not unique amongst this generation. You know, thats something ive had folks who are in a different generation than mine tell, you know what this resonates with my experience. Well, because weve all been the only person in a room, first person in a room and understand, understood how unique that situation. So one of the other things that i with because i the son and grandson of that came to this country so im the first gen literally in my family born in the United States. But you about this idea of the parenting child right where parented by child where in a lot of respects a first gen has undue pressure us having to guide sometimes the grandparents or the parents in cases through life in this country as theyre trying to make it. But as a child trying to make it, how does that burden, how did it impact you and how do you think its something that maybe goes unspoken, but more people need to sensitive to as they consider the the first gen trailblazer told this really struck me when some years back when that movie encanto came out and a lot of people were really connecting with the songs pressure. And for those who havent seen it, its about the oldest daughter in this family saying that she this debilitating pressure to be the one doing all the emotional and physical labor for the family. And i saw her on social media. It exploded and everyone was like, yes eldest daughter duties or daughter and immigrant family duties. And of of course, you know, i was so glad to to see our experiences being reflected back and at the same because i guess ive a lot of therapy we talk a lot about the panic disorder that i dealt with as an i also recognize we were talking about parental ification, you know, and it seemed like that language, again, was being kind of minimized. Is eldest daughter duties and thats an invisible trauma that has tentacles. It creates people pleasing tendencies, which something that happened with me or hyper vigilance, something happened with me or starting to center other peoples needs over your own. I mean, there are ways that this continues to unravel through our lives. And it seemed like we really naming that right and that is something again im not saying that every single first gen young person has been parented fired at the same time, when youre the first person in your family to cross these thresholds to whether its language, again, social class, you find yourself doing a lot of this caretaker for your family. And again lets lets talk about that. I know i keep saying that over and over again, but im not i dont have the answers for any of this. I dont know if there is i dont know this is going to be a journey throughout my entire life to to look at these pieces of of my of our experi ence. But lets be open. I didnt name it. You know, its had this conversation and i cant wait for the q a. I hope you guys arent shy. Every time we this conversation, it gets easier. I was i was talking to i like a zoom talk today earlier and its hard because you cant see peoples nodding or smiling like i can right now which is always really nice to see recognize again. But when we open it up to questions heard story after story after story and from different cultural backgrounds, completely different experiences. Hungry to talk about this be like me too. So thats why again not to point to trauma, not to wallow that so much as to say like our experiences matter, you know, being to fight as a child and acknowledging that for yourself it matters. It mattered for me. So not to be redundant. But im curious, as a first and in your case with writing her first book, what was process like being an author from a first gen perspective . Well, we figure it out, dont we . We always we always just figure it out. We always just kick the door and figure it out. No, it was i mean, never done it before. And i mean, i, i could talk for an hour about the things that ive learned, but the process ill more on the emotional part of it because the excavation of a lot of these wounds especially i was doing this during covid and really unique emotionally charged situation and having to look at this again and dig into i mean im not going to lie there were tissues all over the place and sleepless and insomnia and all sorts pieces to that and again, it was part of the responsibility felt for my parents. But also, when youre writing anything, i hope you feel this when you read the book, when you go into a scene and you and really want to write something in a way thats evocative. You cant be like and this happened like you got to get in there. You got to emotionally get in there. And i were in and i started noticing that i had to write earlier in the day because when i would write any time after like maybe 2 p. M. , i couldnt sleep that. And i started noticing heart would palpitating a lot. And so i checking and it would be like i really low resting heart rate would be like 53 beats per minute and be like 160, you know. And i was sitting in a chair the entire time right, so i was like, okay, somethings happening. But was, it was beautiful and complicated like all of this . And meaningful and connected with the people . My family, i mean, i found out things from my family members that they didnt know about, like my our littles or my great grandparents, my a little thing i found that no one knew my grandmother would take it. One step up, my great left her husband when she was pregnant with my grandmother and her abusive husbands name was alfonso. So none of us i mean, no one who connected these dots. My grandmothers first son was named she named him alfonso, and no one did really connected Different Things that she had named them after her father. That was completely strange. They had no relation ship with and just again just seeing these parts, all of us being like oh, and you know, incidentally, when my mom later left her own abusive husband when she was pregnant, again, we knew these things that it was this mirror that was happening through generations. But no one had really connected the dots. So it created this conversation for us that was beautiful and difficult, and frankly, i dont know if everyone in my family has read the book, i dont think they all have my mom has and my sister has and i, i look forward to that conversation. So that was my next question because im sorry. You know, coming from a Latino Latina family, you know, we dont necessarily like to put our stuff out there for the world but, you know, youre very searing, very honest and i could see that therapeutic aspect, so to speak, of kind of trying to overcome. But what was any family members reaction that has read book was it positive was it negative because even talk about that in your own experience the reaction sometimes from was different than you might have expected be even on other milestones. Career accomplishment. Thank you for saying that because this is another part that think a lot of us feel and we dont talk about, which is not necessarily a lot of feedback or positive feedback. Our family, when we reach these milestones, not because our families arent proud of us or but a lot of times its a lack of understanding or maybe not knowing what to say. And so i would come home from working at the white house and id down thanksgiving dinner and id be like, so are you getting sleep . And like and would talk about my cousins job . Like, wed never talk about mine. And so it was one of those situations where youd kind of you thats why its so important to have this community and to be able to talk, to each other and root each other on. Its its so nice to see friends of mine here to just kind of to be that each other because thats not always there. And i know if everyone in my family respectful i dont know really understood until saw like a physical book you know what this experience is like. And i asked my aunt who i talk about in the book. I asked her if i could have the family album of photos. So my grandmother, my abby, who as you see when you read the book, is a very figure because i was raised by my mom who was a single mom and my abby my grandmother and my mom was very much my older sister. And my grandmother was like this kind of maternal figure that it was just like just kind of like a guardian angel, always passed away when i was 16 and getting away way too much by the book. But before she passed away, abby made a point of creating this series of album with her own hand, you know, using like an elmers glue stick. Right. And she put all of these old pictures, these albums, you know, these beautiful, like disintegrating pages at the time. And she made one that was kind of her right. That had her ancestors and kind of and her father, so on. And aunt. It was the keeper of that. And i asked her, i said you know, if you look in the middle of this book, 16 pages of photos and the first page of those photos are all old photos. And know when were looking at the generations of relationships. I really wanted to show that and its funny because again, my aunts were like, oh my god, i havent seen that picture before. So i went into this album and said, you know, im going to have to take some of these photos out in order to scan them for the book and i respectfully remove some of the photos, but from the place where my grandmother put them with her own hands right. And so now they live in this book that i think its safe to say that book will outlive all of us. As far like being on the shelf and but my aunt was really, really upset about it and i tried to explain to her that, you know, that this is this was something to honor our family, you know, to have these photos in the book. But i dont she could she couldnt understand it. And hope that now, you know, i havent i havent talked to her since the book came out. But hope that theres more understanding. But thats thats hard. You know what i mean . When youre having these experiences and you do, you are trying to honor your family in feedback you get back is well are you doing you know you did something wrong or its not right or it doesnt make sense and. This is just again, a small example, but ways that we have reflected back. Why are you taking an internship thats unpaid when you graduate when you just went to college for four years, why on earth would you go work for free . And youre going like, oh my god, all my other friends are their families are supporting them. So they can do these unpaid internships and theyre so proud of them are taking them out to and sending them stipends and im being told that im somehow like doing something completely dumb because im doing an internship, you know . So that might be a more common, but its the way its reflected back to us takes a lot of inner fortitude to remind yourself no, i got im, im doing these things because i want to help my family. I want to help our future. And i a vision that maybe not everyone understands, but i know is inclusive, inclusive of everyone at 100 thinking now in terms a broader perspective, youve obviously written this book and its just a memoir. Youre wanting to work a little deeper in this space. So from the perspective of what america and policymakers need to know about first gen. Because as said earlier, we looked at the numbers, what they told us was pretty compelling. But what policymakers, educators, University Administrators and the general public. Is this a group worth cultivating or is it Just Another Group . You know, in the american story thats you. You dont figure it out on their own. I mean, me hear your take. I mean, come on. If youre talking about the standard bearers of mobility, the American Dream. I mean these are these are the young people. But they told us very clearly what they needed. So thats what i would say. Administrators and policymakers mean when they were talking about the support that they need in the schools that is even above academic. Youre looking at creating these programs Mental Health support was the number one things they said they needed. And again may sound like a soft kind of skill that were talking about. We all know we get in our professional and we get to these upper echelons. And if we have the emotional Mental Health support, it doesnt matter what we achieve. Weve that time and time again and what that looks is that schools or certain schools that i visited, im about to go on a big college tour. There are certain that i visited that have psychologists that are first gen focused psychologists in first gen center on call to these students that lead seminars on again navigating these cultures navigate these systems that youre now a part that again have their own hidden syllabus their own hidden agenda from close to interact to how to how to relate your teachers and office hours all these different pieces and maybe you know, its funny when we talk about this, i feel like sounds like, oh, we need support. We really need resume writing know these these are the reasons these students dont graduate on time feeling that they have to support their parents financially while theyre in school. I mean theyre 50 of these students we found were having to work to support themselves or their families so we can not center the emotional and the Mental Health aspect of this. But thats to our detriment because to your point, these students are the ones that are going to help us close this wealth gap. Theyre the ones that are to address inequity in our country because theyre the ones who are really leading charge. You know i got a million more questions, but i want to get to you in the last i could talk for 10 hours real quick because i just think its an important point close on something that concerned me both in the poll and you hit on it so many times in the book itself. This notion the financial trauma of what it means to even take on the burden of being a first hand person, but also recognizing the guilt that it means to sometimes say to your families who are coming from humble, meager backgrounds as College Tuition rates are exploding, the debt college is exploding to say, yeah, mom and dad, take on that second mortgage so that i can go to college. And what that does to the mindset of some of these people we see, you know, Interest Rates rising, affordability getting more of a challenge and just the ability to go to college at a lot of places is now becoming an option that is not on the table for a lot. First gen and otherwise want to take advantage. While i. I dont know what to say about guilt of having your parents take on a second mortgage because that was certainly not my experience. You know, there wasnt a second mortgage to have. I was a pell grant, you know, like a lot of us and there was i was financially supporting myself from a very young age. And so i think a lot of the financial trauma can come from not able to help your parents or your family as much as you even want to, you know. And again, there are theres so many great nations of this. For some students, it may be guilt that your parents have stretched themselves too thin in order to be able to afford your school for. Other students is why am i going school and taking out debt when i should, going straight to work and can make money to help my family. And i mean since i know were going to move to questions after this maybe thats where we should end in the sense that this not an experience that is easily tied in a bow. We each have our different versions of what this guilt looks like or what balancing act by culturally looks like, or what this childhood trauma looks like, or what the risk looks like. Theres so different pieces and it belongs to all of us, right . And we all get through it. So much better and so much smoother and less, much less scathed. If we talk about and thats what trying to catalyze in these different schools literally this week im doing my first talk with five of the five seven claremont colleges in california and going to be zigzagging around to talk about this with students and what the answer that comes out from their mouths is what the most interested in. You know, for me is the next step of this conversation. And what do they need . What are they saying . How can they best support themselves through this time . Theres too many of to generalize any of this and these conversations are whats going make the difference. And i can i hope to continue having them. Well, its time, you guys now, if you have any questions, you do youve seen the book or are about to pick it up. Any questions for our distinguished author here tonight . Dont be shy because the man skipped over age five to like 25. Okay. I got a lot more to ask, but i want to give you guys opportunity if any other any any questions. Dont be shy here. Hi. I havent so i have a question around the social piece, which i think is really interesting. I think personally for me that took me a while to kind of figure out, you know, to be in the right room at the right time and the right things to say and how to say it and all that was. There a moment in time for you. It sounds like maybe was either high school or college where you kind of figured, oh, i need to hang with those people or i need to i need to this. Right. Was it something happened or was it just kind of a a slow understand finding that while theres a humility, i think, in our culture that we shouldnt care about and it doesnt matter. And like you said, faith, you work hard, youre going to get there. But truth is, you need to put yourself in the right room at the right time. So i wanted to hear about how you learned that and how you figured it out. Youre completely right that that its kind of need to be like, oh, work hard and well get there. And we all know that its not always okay. Some of the people that work the hardest, you still need to work hard, but. Oh, absolutely. And thats a given but some of the people that work the hardest in this country necessarily see the fruits of their labor. You know, its funny because what i figured out when you look at like the trajectory of achievement actually was born of coping mechanisms and i want to center that because a lot of times we you know validate our first gen young people are high achieving first gen folks because of their achievements, not always realizing that sometimes that perfection can be a compliment. Ism to trauma, right. So i was my mom had just come out of that really difficult relationship when she was pregnant and i was going into high school and i was really struggling and she put me into a nonprofit that was to help young kids basically develop confidence. And i thought was, you know, an acting writing nonprofit. But it was really one of these great Creative Arts nonprofits that helped you kind of find a skill. And through that nonprofit i wrote a play and that was performed and it was a real its a real pivot moment in the book when you realize that i shared something really vulnerable through that play, thinking that no one knew who i was talking about, but it really showed to me that connected tissue that by being vulnerable, you can really everyone feels less alone, you know, that it actually can something that helps everyone through the by revealing and it also that nonprofit met in a park where all local met as well so it introduced me to several Different Things and at the time i was really looking an armor i was really looking for a way to kind of feel i could protect myself and i, i didnt. I wasnt at the effect of everyone around me. So i started being very drawn, you know, this kind idea of troublemakers. And in nineties in los angeles, i looked a certain and for me it looked like really baggy pants, brown lipstick and and whole vibe, you know, during that time, those of you nodding that know what that looks, oh, it also meant finding myself a little taller boyfriend. You know that is is i wont give that one away but thats the central love story of the book. So i share that to say that the more i was like riding around stolen cars, my actual boyfriend, who, by the way, would steal the cars to take me on dates that to this day is the most romantic thing any guy has ever done for. While i was riding around in cars rides with my boyfriend, my grades were going up a. A it was very weird and when he and i later broke up and i was my grades started going up, up, up, up and it was interesting because i started as looking back the more pain i was in, the more i was achieving. And started kind of unpacking what that and you know, there was a way for me to feel like i had like some semblance of control. I think, you know, if i look back and how is that true for a lot us you know so to answer go back to your question as im thinking it in real time because these arent can answers im thinking about like when did i figure it out . But when i start figuring it out, it was because i was struggling, you know, and i was kind of like i was finding my way to kind of maneuver through it in a white knuckled sort of way. What was lying in the book in that you said anger or being angry was easier than being or maybe its not even easier. I dont know about you guys. I actually this is a thing. All right. I remember reading this that when youre angry, you can be scared. You maybe thats why when like, something really bad happens and you just get angry and its easy to say its over or im out here or i quit because like when, youre angry somehow that fear is not there. I mean, it comes back later. Youre like, what . I do . Oh, but when i was angry, i didnt feel as scared. And, you know, i had i didnt have that figured out when i graduated. And two months later, i landed usc having panic attacks because i didnt i had no kind of inner resourcing be able to handle this. It was a white the whole way through. And again i know were were jumping ahead but that was the biggest figure it out because i get to usc i have a panic on day one and like pass out in the middle of campus and my moms like weve got to figure this out. We got to figure this out. We like, i need to do something for you because gave up your dorms because i thought they just for International Students i know my mom says you should do this thing and she pulls out a pamphlet you should rush a sorority. So talk about putting right into the line one from one lions den to another, someone have a question. Two questions for you. The first is what happened to that childhood best friend . Did you all or was that a relationship of the past and then curious about your relationships now . Do you compartmentalize and have a community that is also first gen that has been trailblazers . And are those the people that you most relate to . You have some sort relationship with people that i call them, people from now. How do you grapple with your two worlds or is there not and how you have community . No, thats a good question. The childhood best friend, you know, ive tried a few times, but i describe it. Yeah you know, theres only so much you can do now. I, i, i, ill always her. We shared this incredible and, you know, peoples journeys diverge, but, you know, you never know. I always keep hope that life is long. And so maybe as we both go through our journeys, one day well find each other again. And its funny because youre not the first person to ask a lot of people like what happened to all my which by the way, all the names are changed to respect peoples privacy. But that really got to people. It got to me, too. It was a very painful experience. And yeah, my relationships now arent compartmentalized because i think thats a big part of this journey. Ive been asked a lot, you know, how do you bridge these two parts . How do you bridge your friends from your your ethnicity from here to hear your experience from here to, here . And what ive said and and i stand behind is we dont have to bridge those things because we are the bridge like we are the bridge where we physically embody all those things. We dont have to go from here to here, like we were already we theres no action for us to do. And and to me, that was a great relief, you know, to that i wrote something about this that you could have your nike cortez next to your fancy stilettos in your closet because it doesnt matter and we dont have anything to prove anymore. Right. I think thats a beauty point where we get to and i hope that we can get to it sooner. I hope certainly i could have gotten to it sooner. But now that there god like like theres pieces of you everywhere you and i love that that we can ourselves in everyone at the same time and not feel that segmentation anymore. Dont be so why you of youre next i got another one once again what i love about the book like it gets me back to the nineties, the early aughts, which for me was like a great time. People grew up in the nineties. Theres lots of. But you know, im curious, you think about all this, its all there, especially california in the early nineties like peak peak period. Do you think its harder in age of social media to be first gen . Is that an or disadvantage . Because, you know, you can connect with others, but at the same time, you know, the microscope is hotter and more intense. So speak i mean, i think everything is harder in the age of social media. I think when we talk about this kind of disqualify of who you where you come from and feeling like you have to morph yourself into certain identities to kind of survive. I mean, theres a lot more photo proof of that readily available, you know, and i mean, i remember when i was going through photos for this book, sat in like a pile hard copy photos for like months, right . Because theyre all copies. But now theyre not. You know. And so i do think that theres a theres room for a lot more about this and how follows especially as women. I mean the book isnt only for women, but theres a lot there. The unique experience of being a woman and what kind of woman were told we are. What kind of woman think we are. Were kind of women. Were told, are no matter what we think we are. And how that gets reflected back to no matter what we say or do repeatedly, no matter what weve accomplished from sometimes other women, you know. And so thats thats actually a part of like the unpacking as well. And for women, a lot of that can be brought up by photos and social media and all of that. So do want to center that . I think its its an hard experience before social media but when youre able to uniquely see your differences reflected back to you constantly, i mean i cant imagine being 15 years old today. Oh yeah. And yeah, sorry. My metro is a little guy of am. All right. Thank you. I have a hi. Um, so one thing that you talk about really resonates is about the loneliness so as you more glass ceilings as you from one peak to another how do you with that and do you feel like you become stronger do you think you feel like oh, my gosh, its like trying to define me and i just im going to im going to surrender at some point. How do you do that . Like, because i do feel a lot of times times. Know you can let it. Its just for a lot, you know, to. Thats thats my question. Thank you know thank you for your vulnerability you brought tears to my eyes. You brought tears to a lot of peoples eyes. And you know what i want to tell you . Every single tear that just saw, including mine, is because we feel exactly the way that you do. Thats how you deal the loneliness, because you realize it. Youre actually not alone. We all feel it. And i think that sharing in way i hope that you feel less alone right now because of the reaction you just saw around you. I hope you do. And i think we just continue to lean into that honestly, you know, i think that i dont know what the answer is for like our our journey here on this planet. But i know that in these moments, it feels like were were connecting the way that were meant to right. So keep seeking out people experiences that help you feel, see, because out there, theres so many other things we could all be doing with our time right now. You know, we have south beach like 15 minutes away, for gods sakes, but were all here together. And i dont know about you guys, but im going to leave tonight uplifted. Thats and guys werent there to warn me because were on cspan. I have mascara going down my face. Thats how you can also help me feel. Thats a little. Well, i cant think of a more poignant, beautiful and full note to end on thank you so much for the vulnerability. Thank you all for coming can we give a big round of applause right. And. Ill give a little last secret of the book, which for me was amazing. Can i if i can share, i dont even know what your guy has no idea what hes going to say. Shes a little bit of a liar because shes not Alejandra Campoverdi. Shes actually, alejandros something else. So if you want to share that, or if you want to buy the book, youll find out what she really is. But i was so amazed by that revelation. And yeah it was a recent revelation. I mean, what ill say that, you know, i when, i say that this continues to unfold in your it really does. I mean, its just a few years ago that i tend to get pelted by new family from my dads side like on a regular, hey, im your sister, okay . Hey, im your brother. Okay . You know, it just it happens pretty regularly, unfortunately. And in 2018, i got a message on linkedin saying like, you know, dad was like, oh, boy, here we go. And and started chatting with this and came out ill spare you the long story. You can read that. But it came out that my last name is actually not real. Its not a real last name. It was a name that my dad took on, you know, kind of dad was. Really handsome, charming scoundrel that seemed to be women in my family like and so he on this name, you know, evading and it ended up on my birth certificate. And when i told my mom, she was like, well, that makes sense because your dad didnt tell me his real name until after i was pregnant. You i thought his name was willie. And she was, like, laughing. And im like, mom, it funny. Are you serious . So she was kind of like, whatevs. And was already in my thirties. So im like, well, im going to change my name now, so. So im with a fake last name all this time i was telling everyone that i probably italian because my last name is italian, campo verde. Thats italian and so no, im not italian. I dont do that anymore. But yeah, the legacies, the secrets, the stories you know, theres so much goodness there and and a lot to unpack. Yes. Fake name alias. You guys dont know who i am, but youll know if you read the book. So get your copy there at the front desk. Thank all so very much. Thank you so much for