Transcripts For CSPAN2 Hunger 20170730 : vimarsana.com

And marvels world of waconta. A contributing opinion write for the New York Times and has written for time, mcweiny, the nation, and more. Her fiction has been select for the best american short stories of 2012 and the bit mystery stovers 2014, among other anthologies. In her new book, hunger she talks. Learning thank you feed your hunger and take caring of yourself. Joining rocksian on stage, aminatou sow, and roxan gay. Thank you for joining us today. This book is amazing. Yeah. You know, i mean, youre like con yay to me. Only two or three pointers. Knew i wouldnt be disappointed. Guest speaking of threepointers, theres a basketball game tonight. Sorry. Host i was so struck by so many things when i read the book. Had to stop many times because it was very emotional, really raw, and i was just reminded of how just generous you are as a person, somebody who is not afraid to say the thing that we are all thinking or should be thinking and helps us be a little more brave, and can you kind of talk to us about what was hard about writing this for you. Guest everything. You want me to elaborate . Host sure. Guest it was a difficult book to write. I sold this book in just before bad summer came out, and i was thinking about what i wanted my next nonfiction project to be, and i thought the book i want to write least is a book about fatness and then i realized its the book i should write the most. My dad says do something no one is is doing to achieve perspective. People talk about fatness from the perspective of having figured out their bodies and have lost a lot of weight. You see a woman on the cover of her book standing in a leg her formerly fat pants. I want to write that book. Why dont i tell the story of my body today. Without apology, and im just explanations. This is my fat body and this is what its like to be in this world, in this body. Host i think one of the thing is realen video, too, that you did in the book, theres for as many new perspectives as we hear about bodies and abuse and beside rape culture, i still think theres a singular narrative of how you are supposed to react to when, like, hard things happen to you, and i think that you were really able to shift that conversation and change the conversation from you know, in saying, yes, theres such a thing at health and every size but heres where i am, such a thing as whatever the fat beauty empowerment complex is online but heres where i am at. And also the conversation around, like, choosing to call yourself a victim or survivor, and i think it was so important that you did that. What reactions are you hearing . Guest nobody has read the book yet. Well, a few people have read the book yet. But it comes out tomorrow, and so i havent gotten many reactions. A lot of people have made assumptions based on what they think the book is about and think its about selfloathing and so on. Thats not what the book is about. Its a book about what happens when you are beyond lane bryant, because often times when people talk about body positivity and fat positivity they can still go to mall and buy an outfit. What happens when youre bigger than that and when you find yourself no longer able to shop fa store for clothing . And when the world simply does not accommodate you. Its a story we dont hear unless you are watching tlc and one of their horrific exploitative shows like my 600pound life where the fat body otherwise spectacle and being shamed and we have this doctor who is wellintended but puts people on a 1200 cal calorie a day diet even though the weigh loss surgery has five percent success rate. That lets us know how pervasive fat phobia is that people are like, i have 95 chance of failing but im going to mutilate my body anyway. I just wanted to talk about all that, and i wanted to say, i believe in fat positivity and health every size but im not thrilled to be this particular size. Actually met the health at every size founder last week, and she weighs 90 pounds, so i was like, really . Shes wonderful, wonderful. Host exposed. Guest a medical doctor. And so i love that she is taking up this cause because people will listen to hear for a more than theyll ever listen to anyone else, because of her thinness. She even said that to me. But i just thought, wow, wow, okay. She is super thin. She will never know what its like to live in this body. Sure, happy and healthy at every size. So, yes, im all for it but im also just me and trying to be at realistic as i can. Host another thing i really like about the book is how it confronted me with my own kind of mir my own photo with weigh and where i think im at. Ive been grade since the sixth grade and never thought about. Also went through sexual trauma but never connected the dots in the way you lay bare, so much. But i was so i just realized how much of the conversation about Weight Centers around fat people being miserable all the time, which is like not necessarily true for some of us. Like some of us have athletic lives and are happy. Its true, your family is here, lets fact check. Im so sorry. Host im sorry. Mom and dad, cover your ears. This is not for you. Well get to that later. Where youre able to talk about all of these things and also realize that the conversation around being fat doesnt have to center around thinness. Guest yes. I think its so important for people to realize that you can be fat and live a full life. We have relationships. We have families. We have jobs. Sometimes were really good at those jobs. And people love to tell us, doesnt matter what you achieve as long as youre fat, youre achievements dont count for anything. And i definitely wanted to write against that narrative. I hear it constantly, certainly, because i live in the world, but i also know i live a full life, and thinness is not the be all to end all. It is not the ruling factor and neither is misery, but people want us to be miserable and punish ourselves because they feel like fat is a problem that needs to be solved and we should be constantly apologizing for our bodies its not about that. Its odd. Host when i was reading your book on a subway, man gave me diet advice which i thought was hilarious. Guest i guess so much nutritional advice. Was in chicago recently doing an event, and a man gave me his name and number but not in a good way. He was like, im a a new traditionest, im like, what the fuck . Real in . And last night the Washington Post did this feature on me over the weekend, and dont read the comments. Just dont. And a guy emailed me last night and said, i dont know if you know this but exercise is really required to lose weight. And i just thought, you know host im a tenured professor and never leonard that. Guest i have a ph. D but youre right. Youre right. Have a personal trainer, but i dont know anything. Thank you. Just walk two or the times a week. Could tell this man was being kind and earnest and i have not written him back because my First Response was not kind. And cut it was earnest, like ernestly go fuck yourself. Sorry, parker. Its very frustrating. Host is that kind, to the . When youre able to talk about is how whennor body is not the norm, whatever society as decided the norm is, people think its okay do comment about it its okay to shove you, not talk to you, talk about guest the think they can treat you like a garbage can. Thats all you are. I cant tell you the number of time its got shoved . Public. People dont even apologize as if the fatness makes you immune from pain, like a force field. I thought so but just doesnt work that way. But the body does become part of the public conversation and public property and thats extremely frustrating because people read one magazine earl in in people and then everybody is a doctor. Not a day goes by that people dont give me statistics that i know already because i live in the world. And ive read a book. Its maddening iwant to shake all of thats people for you. Guest me, too much its not kindness, but i think they perceive it as kindness. I think they think theyre doing you a favor and presenting you with some information that you have somehow never seen an oprah commercial or opened a book or seen a Television Show where diet culture is consistently being thrown at us. They think that somehow we have blocked it all out. Which, like, teach me. Host crazy. Another one of the things you drew so well is just open up this conversation around shame that people have, whether its around assault or its around how you feel about your body, but its not what i felt reading it. Slowly the shame is just lifting, little by little, and having these kind of conversations. What was what were you trying to get to really in talking about this . I didnt have an end goal when i start writing the book. Just knew i wanted to write about fatness and sort of fatness is this thing where people dont want to talk about it, and they know youre fat. But they whisper around it. Or they have the audacity to say, oh, girl, youre not fat. I think i am. And the try minimize your reality, or, again, just project a narrative on to your body that is full of assumptions, and so i just wanted to end that and say, this is not the truth. Is a wrote the book i found myself taking a really hard look at myself and the choices ive made over the years, and then how once i was as fixed as im ever going to be i just was comfortable in a certain way of being, and it was all i knew, and so its all i did. So that was really useful, and also just learning i dont have to apologize for my body, which is a work in progress. But writing the book certainly got me to at least recognize that and be able to articulate that. Host i love that. Think one thing that is fairly apparent about this kind of conversation yes, youre writing about fatness and the poll together fatness. It opens up a larger conversation around accessibility and how we treat people with different kind of bodies, like i know that you are somebody who is really conscious about when you go on book tour, like making sure theres accessible seating for everyone, that you can accommodate different kind of bodies and thats unfortunately thats when a thing that a lot of people dont think about. Guest they dont. My event in ann arbor is in an auditorium, which means tiny seats with rigid remembers and i asked the venue to happen Seats Available without arms so people can sit in those site. People dont think about that. They assume we all fit in the world the way you do and the norm is thin, and any body beyond that shouldnt leave the house. So i think accessible is important and for this tour i asked that every venue have accessible seating for everyone, and for different kinds of bodies. See how it goes. Host its kind of crazy that we all assume that in the norm is this, like, thin body, because we see the statistics, its the fashion industry doesnt cater to the real bodies of women. We know how much our body sizes have changed or whatever but theres such a resistance to just accepting the reality of where whatever the average american womans body and is then extrapolating that to larger things. Like what do you think its really going to take to change that conversation . Guest i dont know but probably take with all things the financial imperative. Enough people have to have the economic power to demand we design sits that are wider than 17 inches, the average width of a chair. And i dont note if thats ever gone going to happen because all too often, who its furnished designer or clothing designer. Theyre want i want to design for a size 2, otherwise i cant feel artistic and creative. Which shows you how bad some designers are. If you cant imagine your way out of size 2, what are you doing . I dont know what its going to take. This is one of the final frontiers of discrimination, and i dont know what its going to take. Host if you dont know, how are we going youre like my i generally have all the answers but on this one thing i dont know. Host when i was reading, i found myself being really protective of you. I know what she is trying to say so smart and amazing but so many people are not going to get it. Theyre absolutely going to fly over their heads. And seeing some of the coverage, of your piece or the way people have engaged you, asking you to describe your void. Very offensive. You have enavailabled with engaged with this material. Guest its interesting when people read the book and still learn nothing from it. I did a radio interview this morning, with a woman i have interviewed at least twice before, and she used npr void as if she was trying to like really connect with me on my level. She was like, and white lady, so she was like, so, describe your body to me. And i was like, um and i stambered and i said, im tall, because i knew what she was trying to get me to do. She expected know just enter this fugue of selfloathing and my body is this huge, hulking mass. Thats not how i think of myself because i need to get through the day. And then later in the interview she came back and she said, so, describe your body to me. And i lost my shit and i said, seriously . And she was like, yes. And was like, huhuh. And then nomism hope they air it, i hope they air everything. I had a witness. My publicist there is and she said, yes, its as bad as you think it was. People dont know how to talk about it. Every single review so far i write in the book what my highest weight was, and i wrote it just to give people context because people are actually really bad about guessing numbers of what weight looks like. People think that every woman weighs 140 pounds or 110pounds and is like, no, im rocking 210. And every single review has mentioned it. Every single one. And im just like, fuck me. Really . Really . Host the obsession with the thinness and people still read weight loss memoirs to find like its almost dangerous to write about your weigh of what youre trying to do because people theyll use it as a manual for like, okay, heres how no how im going to lose how i dont become her, which should be so lucky. Its very frustrating. People like want answers so they want it to be a cautionary tale. What is the number where i need to start panicking . And just do over. Its really interesting. The coverage has been well intended but interesting. Host you should start panicking when youre not in an acclaimed writer and stay in your own lane. Thats like really interesting. I love to hear you say in the like in the intro do the book you talk about how its specifically a memoir about your body and where you are at right now, and i think that the form itself challenges on some level it is a traditional memoir. We get to learn about your childhood you family, the college years, but the way its wherein, the focus on the thematic focus on the body is very interesting. Guest i never wanted to write a memoir, and i thought id write a memoir when my parents die. Then i realize theres nothing in my life they dont already know or cant know. Dont read the book. And so i just thought, okay, if i have a focus it will be easier, and i was very deliberate about making sure it stayed focused on my body elm thats what the book is about. So thats how i as i got deeper into the book, with felt lost i just thought, okay, how does whatever it is youre talking about in miss moment relate to your this moment relate to your body . That helicopter me stay on helped me stay on course jive you dont follow roxane on social media, youre a fool. Whats the you get a lot of good stuff for free. But like we like in my friend group we always joke about how good you are the internet. Do dastardly good. Theres a whole arc i didnt know about, how you spent so much time online talking to stranglers internet chat rooms and being a lurker and being a contributor and i thought there was some obviously like that came from a place of pain but to see the full realization of that and i think it goes back again to how just generous you are with sharing your ideas and your life and letting people in on the level they can relate to. Guest which im always accused of not doing and my actual life. So funny. Ive been online probably since 1996, back in the day. I went to conclude and my parents favor me a macintosh lc2, and back then we would use the 2400 baud modem to get online and tie up the phone line and when i would go home id take the big computedder in a box and fly with it because laptops did not exist. Would tie up the phone for 16 hours at a time, and i would just talk because i was so shy and i was so just afraid of the world that i had very vivid imagination and a very large desire to be out in the world, and being on the internet allowed that. So i would good on Message Boards back in the day, and just talk to strange people, and back then, believe it or not, the internet was fairly safe. Wasnt what it is today. You could talk to a 40yearold guy and not get murdered. As an 18yearold girl. Which is not necessarily the case anymore. Also i think i was very lucky. But i just loved im a writer. I work best with writing and not having to do facetoface interactions so it just was great to have this medium. Now im like, youre saying something ive been doing since 96. I should hope im good at twitter at this point. Host i mean, i our culture is so obsessed with wunderkinds. 30 under 30, five sunny shed a tear when i turned 40 because i didnt make the the new yorkers 30 under 30 list or 40 nor i was heartbroken. Can you stretch it to 42 under 42 . Host about your city is so much its like part of your success, one, is that you have been doing it forever. Just like, okay, know what im actually doing, and im seasoned and im a pro, but i think its also to me it was really heartening to be like you can toil at something for a long time and do it and when success comes and when your doesnt comes youre ready because theres no imposter syndrome. Guest well there is tons of it. I have to admit. But i know that meritocracy doesnt exist but i always told missiles cream rise told myself, cream rises to the topment thats how i got through years of obscurity and not very good, and i just got better and better. Was fortunate enough to be raised with the kinds 0 of saddenings thatted put me into position to succeed. Success is very much not an accident but ive put in the work and people are like overnight sensations and im like, huhuh. No. If im an overnight sensation, its the longest overnight in the history of overnights. It took some time. Host can we talk about your family . Guest yes. Host i hope theyll adopt me after tonight. I promise. Im so guest i have a lot of relatives. Host i think that there is i dont know. For me also an immigrant, hearing how close you all and are how just like your parents have really been there at crucial moments even when you didnt have the kind of slow lab vocabulary and courage to talk to them about something. Its great. A lot of times we hear about the tensions in immigrant families guest oh, yeah. Those were there, but i was like 19, 20 whenever my brothers and i went through the issues, it was always in our late teens or early 20s when you shouldnt talk to children at all. Shhh. Theres nothing good happening there. I dont have we didnt have those tensions for whatever reason. Bless you. Its just i was lucky. I had parents who were willing to parent even when i did not want to be parented. Haitian parents, parent forever. Trust me. They boss me around today and give me advice. What are you doing and did you have dinner yet . I got this. I live on my own and everything. But its a blessing. My mesh friends are often times surprised. Your parents call you how often . And im like, every day. I promise you. Its just what it is and i think that often times in marginalized culture and in haiti, the asset you have is people and family because lord knows Everything Else is working against you. Thats one of the many reasons we have a very close family. Host thats great. Im going to start telling people im on the adoption short list. Guest the top five. Maybe the top two. Theres a little bit of a waiting list. Host thats so great. You talk about earlier how you have to delay write something of the books because it was just like really like we talked about how hard it was. What was the how hash tag blessed are you that you can take your time writing a book and the relationship with the team that it publishing. Guest im very lucky because i was just like just keep making up these deadlines, and every single time they were like, okay. Im like, you know im lying this time. Were on the fifth deadline they could tell i was lying but they just let me lie. It was really quite sweet. I just really dragged my feet on writing the back because it was so domestic be so open and i was dreading whatever is going to happen in the next two weeks. Very, very much. And so im going to actually ignore as much of it as i can. It was just i didnt want to face myself and finally i just decided, do you really want to pay back the advance . Thats a lot of money. Thats a joke. I just i was roxane, suck it in. Just write the book. And i was pouredded by an editor and my agent, my agent, maria, never once nagged me. Never in two years of delays. Never gave me any pressure. Books take good books take time and i was given that time. Host i love that. Im so glad that you wrote it. Guest me, too. For now. Ask me again tomorrow night how i feel. Host okay. This is my question. Do you think oprah has read the book and what should her response be . Clearly i feel like shes lagging on talking about it. Guest i think oprah will read the book. I think that i think shell have a public response and a private response. He private response will be that young whippersnapper better get in line because im Oprah Winfrey and i will agree with her. Host a loaf of bread saying, from oprah. Guest yeah. [laughter] host or send us something from her farm. Sunny also have a farm called whole foods. [laughter] guest the other day she posted Something Like fennel. Host i love her like a mother. Her farming is so fraudulent. Sunny cannot get enough of oprah farming and all ore weigh loss comer shall she is in her kitchen, cooking. Im like, oh, girl. You are not cooking a damn thing and youre 50 million kitchen. If you are, let me show you how to be rich. Just invite me over and ill walk thank you through the step. I dont know what she would say but part of her would be, like, no i genuinely believe this isnt my best self and that dish think she would give some tv show oprah speak about living my best life and my best life is in a smaller body, not because of societal pressure but because of selfactualization. If i had a billion dollars, that selfactualization is enough for me. I was just rub myself in dollars. Its fine. Host thats a great note to end on. Rocksan, thank roxan, thank , just thank you. Youre amazing. Guest thank you. Ive youre a rock star. Just want to follow you. Its perfect. Guest for free. Host heres what is going to happen. Well take a couple of questions from the audience, and i many real questions, dont, like, tell us a long story or we dont need your name. A lot of people want to know things here so well take just a couple in the audience and then rane will be signing books. So raid your hand. Guest here we go. Hi. How are you. Guest im good. Huh. Good, thank you. I didnt get too far the book but what was the moment like when you told your parents and your family what happened . Guest i didnt. No, they know. [laughter] guest that we be uncomfortable. A little magazine called Time Magazine published an article about my last nonfiction book, bad fem mist, and that opened up the familial conversation. Im very passive aggressive. Im not proud of it. If i could do it over with i would do itself differently. Its difficult to find the word, like so many years later emill religion just cross ill just cross my fingers and pray they never read the book because who is going read a book about feminism. Oops. Another question. Just yesterday was discussed with somebody the buy biom are you familiar with that . Guest no. Just learn about it yesterday. Pertains to us not being the sum total of our parts but each of our parts having their own things that inform us. However, i realize as im speaking this might be a not a question because if you dont know there are new therapies, for example, for people with krohns disand its changes us and if your relationship to your body and if you feel it has informed not just your view of yourself but tells you informs you writing itself. Guest um, yeah, of course it informs my view of myself. I think thats unavoidable. And it has shaped some of my writing but not all of my writing. I was writing before i came bat. You only know how to narrate the world how you know how touchant separate out part of your identity and say, okay, that doesnt inform. Everything i am informs how i write and how i see myself. Its all connected for me. It on . Okay. Where are you . Right here, im sierra, and youre my favorite people ever, so i have to ask you. Guest go on. I guess in regards to someone like you and i, battling with internal issues like being overweight and finding comfort infood, its a battle day in and day out most of your life. Guess my question is, when did you feel comfortable when was it that it clicked for you that i dont have to find comfort in food anymore and i can be comfortable with my body . Because i havent gotten far in the book either but ive read agency else. Just like that personal moment when youre, im done letting this consume me and done letting the world judge me for my weight. Guest oh, well, when i get there ill let you know. I think that im stale work in progress. I dont know im fully there yet but i think in the past six months ive certainly come to as much peace as ive ever been with my body and my food, just thinking about my relationship to food and things like that. Its one thing write about, its not a traditional narrative where ive come to some magical realization and everything is fixed. Thats not what the book is about. Im not there yet. For many women in this world, dont know we ever fully get there because i dont think were allowed. We have time for two more before we move into the signing portion. Right up here. Hi. Guest hi. So, first thing, i last heard you talk was in 2015 as a keynote speaker and i fell in love with you after that day. Right now im in college, and you talked a lot in bad feminist how you felt that your peers saw you as the affirmative action advent. I feel that aside, i feel like my weigh is keeping me from fully realizing my academic illinois and i do try my best and i get grades and do everything i can. Still feel like my opinions and my work is not as valid as my peers because of the way my body looks, and how do you maneuver that . Youre an academic, youre you have youre a professor. How do you get over that imposter syndrome that has to do with your body . Guest i think you have to make peace with feeling that imposter syndrome but you also have to recognize that you cant control how other people perceive you, and thats one of the things ive always had to do as a black woman in academy to know that people might discount my ideas and my thinking and my research, but thats not about me. Thats about them. And so you have to no matter how insecure you are, you also have to have this innate sense of confidence you belong in the academy and that your ideas are as valid as anyone elses. A lot of time its think especially as fat women we count ourselves out. We segregate ourselves as protection. You say thats protection so im not going to go there the other thing you have to do is resist that temptation to hide and to quiet your voice and to make yourself as small as possible, because the only person youre compromising is yourself, and the only education youre compromising is your own, and so its a constant battle and you shouldnt have to do that work. You shouldnt the world should be accommodating and people should not look at fat people and think, oh, youre not as intelligent because youre fat. But i often say that im going to change faster than the world is, and so you have to encourage people to respect you and demand, actually that is correct people respect you while also being realistic about the amount of time it might take to get to that place. You cannot count yourself out. You cant not go to study groups. You cant not volunteer for various opportunities and put your hat in the ring. You have to put yourself in the game every single time. Thank you. [applause] i saw a hand raised over here. Hi. I am a middle school teacher, and i when i was in middle school we read really boring stuff, and so im trying to not have my students read really boring stuff and so i have them read something of your work, and theyre really, really impacted by it. Actually invited one modify students here but she didnt come unfortunately. Guest middle schoolers. I know. Guest so unreliable. Im wondering what advice i can give to them from you, the writer specifically. Guest the most important thing to tell young writer is is what i told myself to take yourself seriously as a writer. When i was 15, 13, 4, 7, took my little self seriously. Really did. I was like im going to be a writer, and my parents were like, lawyer, doctor, engineer. You need an actual job while you do your little writing thing. Hahaha. But the reality is that they were wright. You do need to have a day job, which i still have. So, you have tone courage them to take themself series seriously because no one else will. And also read. You have to read as much as you write. You have to know what is happening. Thats how you learn what to do and what not to do. Youre welcome. [applause] ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us, lets have another round of applause. [applause] if you have a book you would like to have signed, please remain in your seat. We are getting the stage ready for the signing portion of the event and well call you up row by row. The book is available at the cash registers in the back. Thank you. [inaudible conversations] book of the recently visit capitol animal ask members of congress what theyre reading this summer. Im going to start by finishing up the essay of mon tanya, which ive been reading,