Transcripts For KRNV Today 20160214 : vimarsana.com

I hope its a going away present. Why . What have you got against the kirkwoods . Plenty. Since they moved in, you spend all your time with them. Sometimes i feel like a motherless child. I know, ed. Good. I know ive been neglecting you a little bit the past week. Neglecting me . I dont hear a friendly voice all day. I know, ed. If it werent for huddley and brinkley, id be climbing the walls. Itll only be for a little while. Eh. After all, colonel kirkwood was my Commanding Officer in the air force, and now that hes our new neighbor, why. I feel obligated to help him get settled into his new house. Dont you feel obligated to me . Look how nice i shellac those, uh. Uhoh. Shellac what . laughs nervously youll excuse me. Im expecting a call from my bookie. Bookie . Yeah. Theres a track meet at the coliseum, and i got two bucks on a man running in the fourth. All right, ed. Stick around. I cant. cloth tearing sighs uh. Ed yeah. Excuse me, wilbur i. I got a few things to rinse out. woman talking oh, honey, winnie needs an extension cord for their new tv set. I hate to bother you when youre working, but the colonel wants to watch a special program. Well, thats. Thats no bother. No. When it comes to helping neighbors, you can have the shirt off my seat. stammering i. Ill get it. No. Carol, its in the second drawer, down in my desk. Oh, wilbur, wait till you see their new tv set. The colonels crazy about it. It has a wonderful screen, Remote Control, an electronic aerial. It does everything but serve sandwiches both laugh oh, honey, i cant get it open. Its stuck. Will you please open it . I. Sure, sure thing, dear. Sure. laughs yeah. Take me just a second. Yeah. Probably got too much stuff in it. Ill have this open in a minute. grunting oh hah, what an unusual place to catch the measles. laughs oh. Hi, gordon. Very stylish, wilbur. Plunging seatline, huh . laughs now, gordon, leave wilbur alone. Winnie laughing its not funny. Its not funny at all. laughs please excuse me. laughing i have some work to do. laughing since our air force days. Anything for a laugh. laughs oh, i just happened to sit down on a freshly shellacked chair, which i guess is a pretty silly thing to do. You know, wilbur, thats what i like about you. Ive always believed if a man can laugh at himself. slowly which chair . The one with the gabardine seat cover. This chair im sitting on. Was it shellacked, too . Well, gordon, if you plan to laugh at yourself, nows a good time to start. cloth tearing welcome to the sunworshippers of america. Gordon. Colonel, sir, im sorry. Winnie, look. A brand new pair of slacks completely ruined. Now, stop carrying on. These things are bound to occur. Only when wilbur post is around. The mans a walking accident looking for someplace to happen. laughs doorbell ringing hello, wilbur, carol. Hi. Are we interrupting anything . No. Come in, come in. Yeah . Good evening, colonel. I dropped by with this little housewarming gift. Oh, how sweet. Look, colonel, a gift. I hope its a pair of pants. Gordon. I insist on paying for those slacks. Oh, dont be silly, wilbur. Those were just an old pair of pants. Werent they, dear . Oh, yes, yes. An old pair of pants that happened to match the jacket of my new suit. laughing oh, it would make wilbur feel a lot better if youd let him pay you. Oh, forget it. Accidents will happen. Look, colonel. Isnt it lovely . Oh, im so glad you like it. Hey, you got a new television set, huh . Yeah, thats right, wilbur. Ah, thats. Thats a nice one, isnt it . The. What, uh. What kind of picture you got on . Well, uh. You sit on the sofa, and ill show you how it works. Oh, all right. We get perfect reception, except for channel three. That comes in a little grainy. Uh, and we see spots like you had on your. Oh, pardon me, wilbur. Ah, thats all right. Sounds like the trouble is here in your Remote Control unit. My friend jack had the same problem. Remember, honey . Mmmhmm. But he just made a couple of adjustments, and everything was fine. Uh, what kind of an adjustment . Well, you see, the back comes off here, and then, theres a little set screw that you. You can. Well, look, itll just take a second. Ill show you. straining oh. Oh. Well, we will have this back in no time at all. Attention forward march now right now right now left continues with marching orders sighing laughs oh, my goodness. Look how late it is. Well, thank you for a very lovely evening. Bye. Who were you talking to . The operator. If i dont find someone to talk to, im gonna turn into a dumb animal. To live alone and like it. Yeah. Maybe i should read this. Huh. Ed, you dont have to be lonely. Why, youve got the gift of speech. You can go out and talk to anybody you want. Never. No ones taking me apart to look for alan funt. If thats the way you feel, the only way youll be able to talk to people is on the phone or the radio. I could talk over a shortwave set. Forget it, ed. You know how much one of those things cost . Oh, wilbur, whats money when youre brightening the life of a lonesome shutin . Okay, tell you what. Tomorrow, ill spend the whole day with you. Eh, you mean it . Yeah. Well do anything you wanna do. Swell. Lets go out and buy me a shortwave set. Stop sending it because im not receiving. See you tomorrow, fella. ed groans hiya, neighbor. Lovely day, huh . Let me show you how to start. Oh, no. No, you dont. Everything you touch turns to scrap metal. Look, i. Im awfully sorry i broke that Remote Control unit of yours yesterday. How much did it cost to fix it . Well, you have my sincere apology. Will you put that in writing . Sure, sure. Good, ill get a blank check. No, no. Do you wanna be like that . Ive got my own checkbook right here. exhales look, im. Im very sorry about this whole thing, gordon. Oh, forget it. Forget it, wilbur. You didnt mean any harm. You never do. laughs this is too nice a day to be stuck here and mowing a lawn. Tell you what, let me take you down to my club, huh. Well play a little golf, have a little lunch. Everything will be one me. Well, thats very generous of you, wilbur. My pleasure. After all, youre more than a new neighbor. Youre a good friend. Uh, in that case, will you do me a favor . Anything at all. What is it . Sign this check. Oh. He was going to spend the day with me. Again, nobody to talk to. Carol, this vase is just what i need for the mantle. Oh, thank you, winnie. It does look nice, doesnt it . Oh, you certainly have a beautiful house. Well, after eight years in a trailer, this is heaven. Its so nice to live in a house where you dont get a ticket for speeding. both laugh laughing all right. So you won 5. Next time, were gonna raise the bet. Carol, im sorry im late. Thats all right, dear. Did you hear that, winnie . And you were worried about the mortgage on this house. This boys our own little Social Security plan. So you had a bad day, huh . Well, it isnt easy to play against a man who used to be your Commanding Officer. Try hitting a golf ball while youre saluting. Oh, carol, i have a roast in the oven. Why dont you and wilbur stay for dinner . Oh, no, thanks, winnie. Wilbur said we were eating out tonight. Yeah, we are out. What time is dinner . Its practically on the table. Ill give you a hand, winnie. Hey, just in time to catch the fights. All i can give you is my name, rank and serial number. Sit down and relax, wilbur. Ill get the fights. Keep your hand off of that Remote Control tv buzzing i hate to seem fussy about this, but it cost me 16 to get that thing fixed. Sixteen . I gave you a check for 38. I added the slacks. Oh. Wait till you see the clear picture we get on this. pinging i havent touched a thing. Im clean. We seem to be getting some interference. Maybe somebody around here is using power tools or something. Eh, hello, hello. This is nag calling anybody. Come in, anybody . Roger. Over and out. Up and under, back and forth, to and fro. Name it, but talk. Cant even get a picture. You know, sometimes its a loose connection. Hit the side of the set . Mmmhmm. pinging laughing oh, no. Harder. These things are made of iron. crashing blowing now we got rid of the interference, anyway. What was that noise . The gelatin i was fixing is still quivering. Oh, no. What happened . We were getting some kind of interference, and wilbur told me to hit the side of the set. But not that hard. Television sets a very delicate instrument. Not made of iron, you know . What kind of interference were you getting, dear . I dont know. It sounded like somebody using a power tool, or some Electrical Equipment of some sort. Does anybody in the neighborhood have a shortwave set . Hello. This is nag calling the world. Come in, world. pinging oh. Command. Somebody please talk to me. Crazy horse what do you think youre doing . Help horse in distress. Sos spca you stop that. Hello. Did i hear an sos signal . Come in, come in. Ill see what you started. Hello. Come in. That was no sos signal. That was just a horse clowning around. A horse clowning around . Uh, i mean, a clown horsing around. Uh, who am i talking to . This is kltm, liverpool, england. Now, do you read me . Loud and clear. Uh, let me talk. Its my set. It isnt. Uh, hows the weather in liverpool . I dont know. Its so foggy, we cant see it. English joke, you know . Oh, wilbur, i wanna play with my set. Actually, its not too bad, and we try to bear up the best we can. What has the weather been like in los angeles . Well, uh. Well, its um. Its been a fairly mild winter. Not too much rain. Ed, youll be able to talk in a second. Oh, oh. Hi, gordon. I. I was just talking to this. This. This, uh, man here in liverpool. Hes a very nice fella. It had a rough weather, theyve been having. But you know, the british, they have a stiff upper lip. Weak lower ones, but stiff upper ones. So, you didnt know no. Oh, this . Look, gordon, i can assure you this goes first thing in the morning. So will i. Miss your shortwaves, ed, huh . I have nothing to say. That set was the last straw, you know . Kirkwoods just moved in. Now, theyre moving out again. Well, im sorry, wilbur. I just wanted somebody to talk to. I know, ed. It isnt all your fault. I hate to see gordon go. Hes more than just a neighbor. Right. He is a nuisance. He is not. And winnie and carol are practically in tears. Stop it, wilbur. Youre making me feel like a home wrecker. If there were only some way i could talk him into staying. Well, you were saying hes really an old softie, hmm . Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yesterday at the club, he was reminiscing about the Old Air Force days, and he got all choked up. No, no fooling. Eh, eh, you really want him to stay here . Of course, i do. Why . You got any ideas . Naturally. Listen. You just sell him on the old idea that the old times will be coming back. Permission to speak, sir. What are you doing in that uniform . Uh, i always wear it once a week, sir . Just for old times sake. I those were the. The happiest years of my life. Well, mine, too. Heaven knows theyre not now. Oh, uh. Take a look at this here. Here. Its a shot of your old squadron. And theres your plane. Do you know how many times the two of us faced death together . Yes. Every time you were my navigator. Ill never forget that time you. You wouldnt assign a Dangerous Mission to any of. Of your men. You took it yourself. And when we saw your plane limping home, one motor shot away, and a wing halftorn off by. We just stood there and cried for joy. You did . Yes, sir. Big eagle. Big eagle . Thats what we called you, sir. I thought you called me old chickenhead. Not the officers. You were our leader, a man we respected. I tried to model myself after you. Model yourself after me . Yes, sir. And when you moved next door, i. I had a feeling of security. Safety, if you will. A feeling that. Daddy had come home. Daddy . Youre a father image to me, sir. Man i can turn to in times of distress for. Advice, counsel. I need you, daddy. The big eagle, huh . Lets just take this sign and. Throw it away crashing the windshield of your car. Shattered. Wilbur . Sir. Well, how about, uh, blind mans buff . Yeah, yeah ha. Gee, its nice to have my playmate back again. Theres no new neighbor who could ever take your place, ed. You know that, dont you . laughs all right, here we go. laughs ready . Okay, now. One, two, three. Here i come laughs oh, hi, gordon. What can i do for you, there . I was going to invite you for cocktails, but youve had enough. No, gordon. Ed. Big eagle. scoffs sounds more like a plucked chicken. Yeah. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. Im mister ed. A horse is a horse, of course, of course and no one can talk to a horse, of course that is, of course, unless the horse is the famous mister ed people chattering loudly wilbur, youre a scream. Now, look. I wish wilbur and his friends would keep quiet. With all that noise, how can a horse write his memoirs . They have noiseless typewriters. What this world needs is noiseless people. Wed better start home, dexter. Its twelve oclock. Twelve oclock, thats wt i was waiting for. Special announcement, folks. Exactly ten years ago, this gorgeous little creature became my wife. Congratulations thank you, very much. Wilbur ten years . Carol and you never said a word. Ghee, that noise if i could find another horse that types, id send my work out. Dexter, darling, it must have cost you a fortune. Whats my money for if i cant spend it on my wife . Right, wilbur . By the way, wilbur, what did you get carol on your last anniversary . A play suit. It was a threepiece play suit she could swim in it, walk in it. Or just play in it. Christmas, i got her some of these ivory fruit pickers. Just look at it sparkle, carol. Ever see anything like it . It sure sparkles. Wilbur, why dont you get one for carol . You can afford it. No. My little girl likes practical gifts. Sentimental little things. You should have seen the tears in her eyes i got all choked up. Yeah, she. Well. Goodnight. Night i know. You want a ring like hers. Twice as big. And you want it tomorrow. As soon as the stores open. Carol you couldnt settle for anything else . No. Another play suit . No. A robe to go with the play suit . No. Slippers to go with the robe and the play suit . No. A diamond ring to go with the slippers, robe and play suit . No. Wait a minute too late, you had your chance. Wilbur post ed, is that you typing . That looks like wilbur. Id better hide my memoirs. Ed, were you typing something . No and youll never find it. Come on, ed. A man has a right to know what his horse is typing. Well, its something personal. Still, you should tell me. Aw, dont read that, wilbur. I like that title, ed, love and the single horse. ed laughing look at you, ed, youre blushing. That must be a pretty exciting life youve led. Well, wilbur, i might as well admit it, its hard to believe you were only two years old at the time. Aw, come on, wilbur. Give em back. Stop that, ed. Let me read it. Maybe i can learn a few things. I doubt it. What fun would you have kissing horses . Ill never forget my first love, yvette. She was only a Little French filly, but, boy, could she smooch. A kiss from her would melt your horseshoes. Yeah. And what a shape. She had so many curves, her saddle kept falling off. You know, im getting a big kick out of your memoirs. Mind if i read them in bed tonight . Gee, i dont know, wilbur. Besides, thats personal stuff. Come on, ed, dont worry. Everything in these pages is strictly between you and me. And a hundred happy little fillies. Wilbur . Hmm . Whats so funny in the architectural gazette . Some clown designed a building thats ridiculous. Whats personal . Love and the single horse . That single horse happens to be our horse wilbur stop. Your secrets out. I think youve written a very funny book. That doesnt excuse. I have . Its a riot and i loved that part where the horse has to get cleaned up for a date so he goes to a car wash. Crazy horse got on the wrong line and got himself spray waxed. Huh . That wasnt in the book. I guess he forgot. Who . Who forgot . The author ed me carol, its late. Why dont you go to sleep . Honey, if your book got published, you know you really could afford to buy me a diamond ring. Of course, carol, but no publisher would print this. Who cares about a horses love life, outside of other horses . And they cant read. Wilbur hi, honey. Where did you go so early . To a publisher. I just sold your book. Thats nice. Carol, you didnt you didnt really sell those memoirs. Isnt it wonderful the publisher just flipped over love and the single horse. Look he gave us an advance. Five hundred dollars ive just got to call phoebe wait till she sees the diamond i get. Mr. Post, youre making a big mistake, love and the single horse is bound to head the fiction list. Just why dont you want it published . Because well, its not exactly fiction. Then what is it . Well, its a diary. Remember, you said it, not me. You know, post, thats a wonderful publicity angle. For a while you had me fooled. I thought you really wanted to take your book back. I do. But why . Well. I just dont want to start any trouble at home. Nonsense your wife said she was acting as your agent and she was quite excited about having the book published. The fight wouldnt be with my wife. Then who would it be with . clears throat my horse. Now youre joking. Im not laughing. You are pulling my leg. Youre just having a little fun with your publisher, arent you . No. You see, my horse is a palomino and theyre very proud. How would you like the whole world to read your diary . Id feel like we had a best seller. Now, mr. Post, lets not discuss this any more. Now why dont you let me carry the ball . Could you at least keep my horses picture off the cover . Give my best to your wife. Ed, sometimes i do things for your own good it doesnt always seem so at the time but later on, youre always glad i did what i did, right . No, but keep talking. Well, you know those pages you gave me to read last night . My memoirs. Wilbur, what happened to my memoirs . You mean your book. No. I mean my memoirs. Ed, i wish youd think of it as a book. Why . Because its gonna be. Ed, listen. Carol got hold of your diary. You see, i fell asleep while reading, and. No, ed, dont ed, stop. No, ed, wait lets talk ed, open up that was my diary. My private life. You promised nobody would see it. Ed, nobody will. Believe me, people buy books, they dont read em. Yoyour book, love and a single horse. May it sell a million copies two million. Wilbur, wake up, this toast is for you. Our absentminded author. Absent minded, oh, i almost forgot. Carol, for you. A diamond ring wilbur, you shouldnt have done it they always say, you shouldnt have done it, after you just did. Ed, i hope youve gotten over. Ed . Ed . Dear exfriend, since you treat me like a statue without feelings, i may as well be a statue. Do not try to find me. It is better that way. P. S. Please forward my mail to the hollywood wax museum. Sincerely yours, waxie. Lincoln said never swap horses in midstream. Crazy horse ed, are you out of your mind . Come on, lets go home. Ed, i think youre acting very stubborn. So what if love and a single horse does get published . Think of it youll be the first horse that ever wrote a book. Ed, believe me, nobodys going to know that book is about your love life. It could be any one of a million. screaming what . Oh. Young man, youre not well. You better come home with me and let me doctor you. Of course its a real horse. And the indian is real, too. Ed, come on. It gets hot under these lights, your wax is gonna melt and. What am i saying . Try and get him to come home with me. And ill poultice his head. Hey, buddy. Whatcha doin in here . Its my horse, he ran away and im trying to get him to go home. Hes just standing still to make me look bad. Ill show you hes real. Watch. This always breaks him up. Hes biting his lip to keep from laughing. Inside hes busting up. I thought i saw the horse move. Perhaps id better go home, too. Oh, guard, can you tell me where the napoleon exhibit is . I think its right here. Be right with you, lady. Lets go, mister. Please give me a chance. Ive got to talk to him. Beat it, mister. If youre here when i get back, ill have you run in. This way, lady. That indian looks real, doesnt he . Ed, will you please listen to reason . Ed please, well get in trouble here. Lets go home. Never. Ed, listen. Uhoh. That kid again. B. J. i want to look at that indian again. All right, dear. Mom come here this indian is real i am not and ill scalp you if you dont beat it b. J. , stop making so much noise. I tell you, mommy, the indian is real. He moved and he talked. And he said hed scalp me this one sure feels different from the others. Excuse me. Its you the guy who was talking to the horse im throwin you outta here, you nut come on. Look, mommy. The horse is real, too. Lets get out of this place hes real. My wife was right. Ed, im sorry i hurt your feelings. Will you please forgive me . Just promise me one thing. What . When they make my book mr. Post . Yes, yes, mr. Durvis. Well, here it is, mr. Post. The first copy of love and the single horse. Or the true adventures of a palomino playboy. Mr. Posts if you dont mind, id like our new author to autograph this first copy for me. Just turn around and close your eyes. Turn around . For just a signature . Uh, its a quirk. Ive never been able to write while anyones watching me. Uhuh. I wont be a second. You can turn around now. Hi. Marilyn . This is roger healey. Heh. Well, i, uh ii met you at francis gordons party last year. Its, uh. Uh, no, no, no. Im not the tall, blonde banker. No. No, im the short, cute, darkhaired astronaut. Hehheh. Look, uhlook, uh, i was wondering, if youre not doing anything tonight, maybe the two of us could, uh. Uhhuh. Well, mamamaybe next month, uh. Well, maybe some other month. [line goes dead] nice talking to you. General peterson asked me to give these to you, major healey. Oh, thank you. Oh, evelyn . Yes. Uh, evelyn, i was just thinking, uh. Yes, major . Tony and i are going on a double date tonight. And i thought if you werent doing anything, maybe the two of us could, uh. Im afraid my fianc\ wouldnt like it. Hes very jealous. Jealous. Fianc\. Heh. I didnt know you were engaged. Thats great, though. Thats great. Well, maybe, uh, some other time. Ive got a lot of work to do anyway. Oh, uh, evelyn . Thinking, uh, you, uh you dont happen to have a roommate, do you . I live with my mother. Well, if shes not doing anything tonight, uh