Transcripts For KRNV Today 20160216 : vimarsana.com

Come on in, tina. you look wonderful tina yeah, you look fine. Ms. Burns, maam, ill never get away with this. What do you think, ms. Martin . You look fine you wont have any trouble. All youve gotta do is remember the three words in italian that mario the hairdresser taught you. Hello, goodbye, and thank you. Now, how do you say thank you in italian . Gratzi, maam. Ah, you can fool anybody. Whats she gonna do in between those three words . Yeah, what . Well. What every famous italian actress does come with me. What do they do . Eat grapes eat grapes . Well of course. You see, when somebody asks you a question, you put a grape in your mouth and then they dont expect an answer because its very impolite to talk with your mouth full. Gratzi, maam. Oh, terrific you know, she may not even need those two other words. She looks fine. Oh, blanche, this was your idea. And when she becomes a great star, everybody will congratulate you. Now, let me hear you say hello in italian. Bonjourno, maam. Oh, good. Now turn around and say it to george. Bonjourno, ma i mean, sir. Congratulations, blanche. No, no, no, i was that was a fine idea, really, fine. I havent had the pleasure of meeting this lovely young lady. Well, how could you . Shes the famous italian star, tina cacciatori. Tina cacciatori . What pictures did you make in italy . Well, you see, she cant answer. Its not polite to talk with your mouth full. Tina cacciatori, its familiar. Is she related to the raviolis . Well, her father is a cacciatori, but shes a ravioli on on her mothers side . All you gotta do is sprinkle a little greta cheese on her and shed be a hit in every Italian Restaurant in town. Right. Oh, well we have a lot to do, tina. Say goodbye to mr. Burns. Arrivederci, sir. Arrivederci, maam. Howd you like that disguise . Even on that show the masquerade party, shed have to sit with the audience. And when she starts to talk, that texas accent just about the same way some of those italian movie stars come through their clothes. But i can see gracies reason for this. Theres a big demand for foreign stars who cant speak one word of english. In fact, if they can read their contract, they cant get the job. Now, this sounds like a joke, but its really true. A producer came back from europe and told the head man of the studio that the most exciting thing he saw in italy was vasubbias. And the head man said sign her before sam golden grabs her. Well, come to think of it, its not true. But, then again, its not much of a joke, either. Take this new star sophia lauren. The produ do you notice that every time you see a picture of her, shes always wearing wet clothes . They must do nothing but pour water on her. I heard the other day she went out with dry clothes on and she caught cold. Anyway, when she first came to this country, you see, when shes on the screen, there isnt room for anybody else. They found a solution. They put her in the same picture with frank sinatra. But i can see why the americans are crazy about those cute little italian actresses. They interviewed one the other day and they asked her what she liked best about america. And she said that i love your baseball games because they make me feel like i want a mans arms around me. And the newspaper men said that doesnt make any sense. She says it does to me, because everything makes me feel like i want a mans arms around me. You know, this country has become so far under its hard to realize that it was first discovered by that Great American Christopher Columbus . Harry, for the seventh time, im sorry i wasnt here to fix your lunch. But i was with gracie. It is inexcusable. While you two were busy gossiping, i had to assuage my hunger with cold meatballs out of the can. Of course, it tasted better than anything you ever cooked, but that is beside the point. mumbles insult. You dont love me and you never did. That is not true, blanche. I did. dishes breaking what . I love you, blanche, i love you. It is just that i cannot tolerate your neglect of your wifely duties. You are becoming a willing tool for the preposterous schemes hatched by gracies microscopic brain. Maybe some of gracies schemes are preposterous. And maybe this one is, i dont know. But she only does it because shes trying to be nice to people and thats exactly why i helped her change bonnie sue mcafee into the italian actress tina cacciatori. Tina catchawhat . Oh, this association with gracie has gone too far blanche, i am afraid that now you, too, are a point off center. Of all the fish in the matrimonial sea, i had to hook a boston cod. Ill be up in georges den informing him of this current folly. Oh, youre going to be a tattletale again, huh . Yes. Since our marriage, it is the only pleasure i have left in life. Now, walk around the grass a little. I want you to get used to going barefoot. Gladly. Oh, you look fine. But your feet dont look italian enough. My feet . Oh, i know. Ill order a barrel of grapes and have you stamp on them. And then theyll look like you come from the wine country. Oh, gracie. Yes . Is george upstairs . Oh, yes. Harry, i want you to meet the famous new italian actress, tina cacciatori. Bonjourno, sir. Well, its nice of you to laugh at her, but youre giving her the wrong kind of confidence. You see, shes a dramatic actress. Well do me a favor. Laugh at him, he hasnt heard many since akron. Come in, harry. George, i have something i feel you should know. Well have a stool, pigeon. I mean, take a chair. George, this time your wife and mine have outdone themselves in the concoction of fantastic schemes. Do you know who that girl is down there . Of course. Thats that famous italian star, tina cacciatori. George, that is bonnie sue mcafee. Harry, you better lay off that blackberry cordial in the daytime. George, really. I thought surely you would penetrate this transparent disguise. Harry, not only is that girl pure italian, but on her mothers side, shes a ravioli. Good day harry, arent you going to laugh at me . Howdy, ms. Burns mr. Mcafee, come on in. My goodness, what are you doing here . Well, i got lonesome from my daughter, so i flew in from houston to see her and they told me at her place that id find her here. Well, she is. Bonnie sue, your fathers here. [bonnie sue] daddy ill be right down. I can hardly wait till i take her in my arms and kiss that sweet little old texas face. Well, be careful of her sweet little old texas feet, she hadnt any shoes on no shoes . Oh, daddy. Bonnie sue, what are you doing in that outfit . And, tell me daughter, what are you limping for . Well, the grapes havent arrived yet, so mrs. Burns had me practicing on some walnuts. Some what . We may as well tell him. You see, mr. Mcafee, this is an italian costume to get her in the movies. Still hankering to go on the stage. Well im going to put a stop to that. You dont approve . I do not. Its back to texas for her. Oh, but you misunderstood, mr. Mcafee. When i said it was a costume to get her in the movies, i didnt mean she was going to act in one, i meant she was going to see one. To see one . Well, yeah. Thats the fad in hollywood now. You see, you dress according to the kind of movie youre going to see. And tonight, shes going to see an italian movie. I dont believe it, not even about hollywood. Well, its true. We had to stop going to a hawaiian movies because george was allergic to grass. Mrs. Burns, thats a nice story. But youre looking at a man who can tell a few tall ones himself. doorbell rings oh, well then you better tell one to bonnie sue while i see whos at the door. Harry. Gracie, is george in . Yes, hes up in the den. Ive got to make him do that western television show. Ive learned to do some fancy shooting. Oh . I go see him. Yeah. Oh, hello. [mr. Mcafee] hello. [bonnie sue] how are you . Fine. Mrs. Burns, i owe you an apology. Youre right about hollywood. Mr. Vonzell, i guess youre going to see a roy rogers picture tonight . Who, me . And bring along your swimming trunks because the second feature is esther williams. George george boss, wait till you see what ive got. Were not doing the western. George, ive been practicing fancy shooting. You see those cans . Gonna shoot them right off the wall. Were not doing the western. You havent seen my draw. Watch this. Fast. Its liable to go off in your holster and itll blow your brains out. Thats not nice. And dont worry about me, ill. Oh, you got it out, huh . Sure, i got it out. Wait till you see some shooting. Do you shoot backwards looking through a mirror . Uhhuh. Youre going to shoot backwards looking through the mirror . Sure, been up all night reading a book on how to do this. glass shatters you knocked out one of Harry Martins windows. Give me the gun before you kill somebody. George, it was an accident. My eyes are weak from reading. I told you once, i told you a million times. Were not doing the western. George, i should have known it was you look, harry did you see. He thought it was you who shot out his window you have to admit, thats kind of funny. Well say something. I will. Out out . Oh, as long as you have my gun, you might as well out we heard some shots, what happened . Oh, its nothing. Vonzell tried to knock some of those cans off the wall and knocked out one of Harry Martins windows. Well that doesnt look like a hard shot. Oh, that looks like fun. Let me try. Look, look, gracie, i wouldnt glass shatters yeah, woo, i did, it hit something i dont want it assure you, mr. Robert, this girls gonna be absolutely great. She must be with my mother somewhere. Mother well, as i told you ronnie, the part is not particularly difficult. But theres one thing i insist on realism. Now i want an authentic texas accent. Yes, ronnie . Oh, mother, this is mr. Roberts, the movie director. I brought him over to meet bonnie sue. Bonnie sue . Oh, shes upstairs, ill call her. Bonnie sue, ronnies here but in the meantime, i want you to meet the new italian actress, tina cacciatori. Italian . How do you do, ms. Cacciatori . Bonjourno, sir. Youre a very pretty girl. Gratzi, sir. Oh, when youre leaving, be sure and say goodbye. She also knows arrivederci. As a matter fact, i speak a little bit of italian. speaks italian i dont think i can answer that, sir. I wish i had a mouthful of grapes. Oh, so do i ms. Cacciatori, as it happens, theres a part in my picture that calls for a texas girl. I just have the feeling that you might be able to play it. I know i can oh, hello art [mr. Roberts] hello, george mr. Burns, i got it well good, good. Daddy, i got a part in the motion pictures. Oh no you dont. No daughter of mine is going to be in motion pictures. Youre coming home with me. Aw, thats too bad. Well, ill just have to find another girl to play Davy Crocketts wife. Davy crocketts wife . Like i said, no daughter of mine would dare to turn it down. Oh, thank you, daddy. Mr. Roberts, are there any love scenes in this picture . Well, of course. Well then bonnie sue and i have a little rehearsing to do. Well, whos going to take me back to the studio . Why, id be happy to goodbye. Goodbye. Now, sir, do you know that Davy Crocketts father was a man about my size . Now ive never made it into motion pictures, but with good direction. And they tell me youre a fine director. And even if youre not, im willing to take the gamble. Well, gracie, you got bonnie sue a job. Well, i knew i could do it. Thats because i understand hollywood. Right now, italians are in demand and the minute he thought she was one, he hired her. Yeah, you did it again. And im sure youll be able to think of something for next week. You know you can count on me yes. George and gracie will be right back and do one of their mumbling routines. [voiceover] and now, carnations contended couple, george and gracie thank you, thank you, thank you very much. Well, gracie, any news from home . Well, my cousins in the hospital with a broken leg. Which one . Oh, i dont know. Whether its the right or the left, he didnt say. I mean, which cousin . Oh, the bus driver, rush allen. Rush allen, the bus driver, and he got into an accident . Well it wasnt his fault. Oh . You see, he was driving the bus and he couldnt see where he was going. Why not . Of them that he pasted them all over the windshield. What does he drive . A transcontinental bus or a local one . Well that depends on how much gas he has. I guess i asked a simple question. Thats all right, dear. Weve been married so many years, im used to it. Oh yeah, well thank you. Is he a good driver . Oh, theres no driving problem my cousin couldnt solve. Like the time his bus was going from San Francisco to sacramento. Well, he was halfway there when he hit such a big bump in the road that it knocked his rear vision mirror off. Well, what did he do . Well, he knew it was dangerous to drive when he couldnt see the cars behind him, so he turned around, went back to San Francisco. Well, what good did that do . Well, now the cars that were behind him were in front of him. Well, i guess when youre a bus driver, all kinds of things happen. [gracie] they certainly do. Like, once he signaled for a left turn a left turn, yeah. And he accidentally stuck his and the cop bit him. I bet. Yes. Ill bet that taught him a lesson. Oh, rush is no fool. Now when he puts his hand out to make a left turn, he always holds his sandwich in it. A man that smart wouldnt make the same mistake twice. Well, people like to ride in his bus. They do, huh . Yeah, cause he always goes out of his way to take the most scenic route. Like what . Well, now, he was the only person ever to drive a bus down to the bottom of the grand canyon. Gracie, thats impossible. Well, it was easy for him. The hard part was getting it back up again. How did he do that . Well, each of the passengers carried a piece of it. Each passenger carried a piece of it . Yes, but rush carried up the steering wheel. You see, he wouldnt trust anybody else to drive gracie, say goodnight. [voiceover] appearing on tonights show ms. Meredith appeared through the courtesy of universal international pictures. Ralph dunphy as mr. Mcafee, and booth coleman as art roberts. Accessories and perfume by arpege. applause brought to you by general mills, home of Betty Crocker and these perfect Betty Crocker mixes. The mix is guaranteed by Betty Crocker ronnie, why did you have to ring, did you forget your key . Oh yes mother, im sorry to bother you. I want you to meet pamela crawford. Shame on you ronnie, meeting her isnt any bother. Ive been dying to meet you, pamela. Thank you, ive been quite anxious to meet you too. Well, thank you. No mother, i didnt mean that meeting pamela was a bother, i meant about having to let us in. Oh, well that was no bother either, as long as i had to go to the door to see who was ringing it, i might as well let somebody in. Wont you come inside. laughter well anyway mother, this is the english girl i was telling you about. Ronnie while pamela and i get acquainted, why dont you bring in some coffee. Its already out in the kitchen. Oh, good idea i hope you dont mind my wearing a tennis outfit. [gracie] on the contrary, i insist on it. [pamela] what . I dont know what your customs are in england, but please, our windows are open. [pamela] oh, youre wonderful. [gracie] well, thank you. I promised not to mention this but ronnie said loads of nice things about you. [pamela] really . Yes, but i know this, youre even more beautiful and charming than he said. So ronnie has also been talking about me . [pamela] yes. Well, if hes gonna say such flattering things about both of us, neither of us will be able to believe him. Oh, heres your coffee. Oh ronnie, why didnt you bring a tray . I couldnt get it on my chin. laughter oh, girls, i wish hed save his flattery for you. You know im almost old enough to be his mother. laughter yeah, thats right. Oh i didnt know you had company, or i wouldnt be wearing this robe. Well, please keep it on. I didnt know he had english blood in him. laughter unclear i had it thrown in by the bbc. Dad, this is pamela crawford. Pamela, suppose i show you the rest of the house . [george] hello pamela. [gracie] oh no, no, no, ill do it. Then we can get better acquainted. Now pamela, this is the entrance hallway see, and this is our stairway, that either goes up or down. But from here, its better to go up. Some times i wish mother werent so hard to understand. Ronnie isnt this a nice house were living in . Yeah. Were both driving nice cars. Well sure. Well lets try to keep it that way . Stop beating me to my lines. Well, what do you think of pamela . Oh, shess pretty, pretty girl. Well you know dad, you wont believe this but this is the only girl in the world for me. Why shouldnt i believe it . You told me the same thing about her seven days ago. Seven days ago . No, that was cathy. Cathy, well that means you told me about her 10 days ago. No, no, that was bonnie sue. Oh, oh well how long have you known this only girl in the world . [ronnie] four days. [george] four days, huh . Ralph and i were out playing tennis and she was over on the other court and by accident, i hit my ball over in her court. [ronnie] and [george] how many courts away was she . [ronnie] three. [george] well that was quite an accident. laughter anyway . Oh, anyway. Anyway, yeah. We started to talk. Every thing starts with anyway, yeah . And we found out that we had a lot in common. So we started playing tennis. That was four days ago . Mmhmm. What happened to ralph . Ralph . The fella you went out with in the blue suit four days ago . But this girl is the real thing though . Oh yes dad, yeah, and you know, she comes from the most wonderful family. And you wont believe this but her mother is the most charming is this bonnie sue youre talking about . No, pamela, yeah. [george] oh pamela, pamela. Her mother is the most charming woman youre ever met. And this is ronnies room and here are the souvenirs of all his hobbies, baseball, and fishing and skiing, golf, archery, you know there isnt a day that he doesnt come home with a new hobby and those are his Three Sisters. laughter sisters . Ronnie never mentioned having sisters. Oh yes, this is my daughter cathy, and bonnie sue and well i cant remember her name because she didnt sign the picture. laughter unclear id like to meet them, are they here at home . Oh no, no, they dont even live here. They dont . No, theyre away. Oh, where are they . [gracie] well i dont know. You see, this one is supposed to write me and let me know where they are, but if shes too lazy to sign her name to a picture then shes certainly too lazy to write a letter home. laughter i understand perfectly. Oh good. Then you remember because if i have to explain it later, ill need your help, come on. laughter so pamela comes from a very distinguished family well, im glad you finally found the right girl. Oh, i am too dad, you know all this looking around is really tiring me out. laughter oh ronnie, you have a lovely home. I saw all the souvenirs in your bedroom and the pictures of your Three Sisters. My Three Sisters . Mother i dont understand. Oh, well pamela understands perfectly. Shell explain it to you. laughter those girls in the silver frames, cathy, bonnie sue and . Edna. Oh yes, thats the name of my lazy daughter. laughter ronnie, dont look so surprised. laughter well pamela, ill drive you home. Goodbye. [gracie and george] goodbye. Now, let me explain about ronnie, there is nothing to explain. I know youve had other girlfriends. Any boy that can hit a tennis ball three courts away must have. laughter oh, that ronnie is lucky to have a mother like me. You know, there isnt a day that i dont get that boy out of trouble . Oh yes, you do a nice job. laughter aw, thank you dear. Youre welcome. Ronnie was telling me the that they invited pamelas mother over to tea and shes gonna be here at three oclock. And he wants us to make a very good impression. Oh, im sure we will. Now, gracie, im gonna tell you something but you got to promise that youre not gonna run right over and tell it to blanche. Well, i promise, i wont. Well, pamelas mother has a title, shes Lady Crawford. laughter gracie, you promised i just want to get a glass of water isnt it funny how a piece of news laughter so, ronnies got another girl you know that saying, in the spring, a young mans fancy turns to love . Well, this kid is a four season man. Its autumn and the leaves change colors, and so does ronnie, he goes from blondes, to brunettes, to redheads. laughter but im glad that pamela saw the photos of those three gorgeous girls that ronnie is running around with. Now it gives her an idea of the kind of american cooking shes got to compete with. laughter i better warn ronnie about saving souvenirs of the past. Someday, he might get married and a husband cant hang on to things he had before he was married, especially old girlfriends. laughter and take that little black book with the phone numbers, that you got to burn immediately. Of course the way ronnie is building his up, it should be able to heat his apartment for the first five years. Now, keeping a diary isnt as dangerous. Of course any young man, who has time enough to isnt really living one. laughter now, take old love letters, they can cause a lot of trouble for a married man. Although, not as much as new love letters. I always thought it was women who saved mementos. I heard about a girl in france who wouldnt kiss anybody unless he was a french general and she had a very good reason. You see, from force of habit if a french general kissed you, he would pin a medal on you. And this gal would come home with 20 or 30 medals on her every night. laughter and finally, one of the french generals wanted to marry her but she couldnt, because she was already married to the fellow who was selling the medals to the french army and they were making a fortune laughter you know, come to think of it, when i was a young fella, i had a little black book. Of course, they didnt have any phones then, but i had some wonderful Smoke Signals written down. laughter lets see, there was pocahontas and minnehaha and. Very popular and her smoke signal was always busy. laughter gracie, everybody that meets you loves you. I dont see why youre so nervous and excited. Im sure youll make a good impression on Lady Crawford. [harry] perhaps, but what about george . Well, i must have made a good impression on george or he never would have married me. laughter what i mean is, this cultured noble woman will surely want to speak of art and literature. And george contributes nothing to any intelligent conversation but cigar smoke. laughter you mean, that she wont like him . Gracie, dont pay any attention to harry. George is a perfect gentleman. Why when i walk into the room, he always. No, he has yet to do that. laughter but, when he drives you home in his car, and when you get there, he gets out first, he walks around and keeps right on walking into the house and leaves you sitting there. laughter so thats the place to keep him under lock and key while Lady Crawfords there. laughter but, its important to ronnie to make a good impression. Im afraid it wont be easy. A person like Lady Crawford is used to different surroundings. Now, she probably lives in a huge manor house with portraits of her ancestors, maids, butlers oh, oh, well if her ancestors are maids and butlers, i might as well let george out of the den. No, no gracie, i am speaking of fine paintings. Oh look, ive got an idea. Lady crawfords coming over at three, huh . Now harry, you know all about art and literature. Why dont you go over there and for once, you can get somebody to listen to you. laughter say no more, i shall be there to lend an intellectual sparkle to the conversation. Oh, thank you, harry incidentally gracie, will the tea be formal . Oh no, orange pekoe like i always use. No, no gracie, i meant, should i dress for the occasion . Oh, i should say, youre an american, leave that other stuff for the english. laughter somebody locked me in you must know something that i dont. I think ill turn on my Television Set and catch up with you. knocking [harry v. ] george, are you in there . Yeah, but i cant get out well, the key is on the outside well, unlock it and come in. Now, wait a minute george, i know what youre gonna say. But look, i got a whole new angle. harry stutters harry, for the last three weeks i told you, were not doing the western. You didnt hear what i said. Yes, i did. I said we got a new angle on the whole i heard you. And youre gonna go for this george. No, no, no im not. Come in chief. laughter terrific, huh . George . Please, im not still looking. The name is crazy moose. I know, but whats his name . laughter now, cut it out, listen the chief and i did a complete rewrite on the script, and its really exciting, right chief . Ug. laughter he helped you write the script . And its great, you know the scene where im leading the wagon train . Yeah. We have this big battle with the indians . Yeah. Well, finally im the only pale face left alive and crazy moose is the only indian. All of his arrows are gone and all of my bullets are gone. Now if you two will go, well have a happy ending. laughter george please, listen to this, i catch him at the top of a cliff. We start fighting hand to hand. Its his tomahawk against my trusty bowie knife. Harry, harry, will ya. Put that away before you cut yourself oh, i cant, this is a rubber knife, george. Oh, i see, a rubber knife against a rubber tomahawk, that, that. thuds laughter a real tomahawk . I couldnt talk him out of that george. Hes strong for realism. laughter harry, youre gonna get yourself murdered. But even that wont make me do the western. Youll do it when you see this fight on the cliff, george. Id love to watch it but my cliff is gone, the mortons borrowed it. laughter oh look george, please, let us do the fight for you in the garden. Fine, in the garden. Will ya . Come on chief. Moose, come on. [harry] oh boy george, when you see this fight, youll know im right unclear george. George . George, what happened to you . [george] im locked in again and this time from the inside. Oh, im all finished misses burns. Oh, thank you mister clark. Its a little unusual though for a private home to rent these paintings from us. Ordinarily, we just rent these to the movie studios. Well you see, Lady Crawford is coming to tea and her house in england has portraits of her ancestors hanging on the wall so, i thought id like to have some too. laughter ancestors . Yes oh misses burns, shell never believe that story. Well why not . She never met my relatives. laughter well, you have a point. doorbell rings oh, that must be Lady Crawford now, would you mind going out through the garden . Oh, of course not and thank you misses burns. Now when my wife asks me if anything interesting happened today, at last ill have something to tell her. Misses burns . [gracie] yes. Im pamela crawfords mother. [gracie] oh i know who you are, Lady Crawford, come in. You know, i didnt know whether to bow to you and then ask you in, or whether i should ask you in and then do the bowing inside. Misses burns, you are not expected to bow at all. But, its a delightful compliment. May i help you off with your things . No thank you, i think ill keep them on. Oh, what a relief laughter you unclear our customs very quickly oh yes, you have a charming home. Oh, thank you laughter uh, i like your paintings. Well, thank you but i didnt paint them myself. Well no, of course not. laughter mumbles these are just some that i had done of my ancestors. Your ancestors laughter isnt that the mona lisa . Oh no, thats my grandmother, mona lisas the girl Nat King Cole sings about. laughter i guess i havent been here long enough, or perhaps i have laughter and this is my grandfather when he was a little boy. He looks very familiar. Oh, he was. And he even got worse when he grew up. laughter i envy your collection of family portraits. Well, i hear they are nothing compared to the ones hanging in your magnificent estate. Oh, wont you have some tea . Thank you, good heavens, i wonder what pamelas has been telling these people . Isnt mister burns going to have some tea with us . Oh, not unless he can pick that lock. laughter what . i mean, hes temporarily detained. Oh, thats too bad, now that ive met you im really anxious to see him. You are . Oh, quite here i am, three oclock [gracie] oh, come in, i want you to meet Lady Crawford. Why, it would be a pleasure. Lady crawford, may i present my husband george . Im delighted to meet you mister burns. whispers george . Yes dear, george. Oh, we dont have to be formal with Lady Crawford. You may call me gracie. laughter no, im not have some tea dear. Lady crawford we [Lady Crawford] your wife has been telling me all about your paintings. Paintings . laughter oh now that my husband is here, the conversation will really sparkle. No one knows more about art and culture than he does. Thats true. laughter im most interested in those paintings. Well, they are splendid examples of various schools of painting although granted, they are only reproductions. Well, someday i would like to see laughter what . yes, she ran into grandpa somewhere because she knows how familiar he is. laughter i better finish my tea. laughter hes nervous. laughter well, thats a nice normal little situation downstairs. You know if Pay Television ever comes in, itll cost me a fortune to keep up with gracie . laughter the burns look very happily married. I think ill go over and pick up my wife, blanche morton and join them. And as far as poetry is concerned, my favorite quotation is from the pen of the immortal john keats, a thing of beauty is a joy forever, its loveliness increases, it will never pass into nothingness. But i neednt go on, im sure you know keats works. Keats works . I thought he was laid off what . laughter were the next door neighbors, mister and misses morton. Oh, hello blanche, hello harry. Hello, gracie. [gracie] this is Lady Crawford. But, im afraid we wont have anything in common. You see, were vaudeville entertainers. [Lady Crawford] vaudeville . Yes, lets show the lady the dance we used to do. What dance . You know. scats lets do it. I cant do that. Lets do it. I cant do that. Well, of course you can, you taught it to me. Oh sure, look, one, two. Oh you see, shes a wonderful dancer. laughter this time i need a little tea. laughter hello everybody, hello mother. Hello mother, hi dad. Im not your father, thats your father. laughter harry morton here. Oh, hi dad. Would somebody please clear this up . Well, im mister burns and this is misses burns and this here is mister and misses harry morton. What was the reason for this deception . Well you see, culture is not in my racket they thought that you wouldnt enjoy talking to anybody who didnt know anything about art and literature. What an odd misconception. Of course, we have some strange ideas about america too, there are people in my country who think that the United States is still overrun by the indians. laughter well, im glad its cleared up. Yes, well so am i. doorbell rings come in, the door is open. George, you have to see this harry, if i told you once, i told you 50 times. Come on chief laughter ill head him off at the top of the cliff and carve him to bits with my bowie knife. crazed laughter laughter what is this . Orange pekoe tea. Youve been drinking it for a half hour. laughter well, its been a delightful afternoon, come pamela. Ill drive you home. Id never thought id say this, but im glad we lost the colonies. laughter and im glad this is over, come blanche [blanche] but [gracie] oh wait blanche i want to teach you that dance in case she comes back. Von zell . Crazy moose, will you throw von zell down . laughter were not gonna do the western. laughter applause yes, george and gracie will be right back [voiceover] and now for general mills, home of Betty Crocker, george and gracie. applause thank you very much. Oh gracie, who should we talk about . Well, how about my cousin noah, the zookeeper . Noah . Id knew youd have one in your family. Oh sure, my cousin always loved animals. Ever since he was a baby, all he would play with was animals. Animals . In fact, he was very disappointed when he grew up and found out he wasnt one. So he became a zookeeper. Yes. Well, thats the next best thing. Yes. He does a wonderful job. Mm. Theyre still talking about some of the theories he had for feeding them. Like what . Well, for instance, he was the first zookeeper who ever fed the snakes spaghetti so they wouldnt lose their shape. laughter that was good, sound thinking. Yeah, oh well he knows almost everything about animals. He does, huh . In fact, his system for telling the difference between camels with two humps and camels with only one hump. Well, what is the difference . Well he counts the humps. He counts the humps. laughter on his fingers, no doubt. No, on their backs. On their backs. Well then im wrong, im wrong, ive made mistakes before. And he has a great system for telling the difference between a male bear and a female bear. I knew hed have a system for that. Well yes, you see gets in the cages and dances with them. And dances with the bears. Yes and if he has to dance backwards, he knows its a male. Its a male. Yeah, i would unclear for you. Well your cousin noah is brilliant but sort of in an idiotic way. Well, if he could answer any questions about animals. Well, i knew that he could. A lot of people want to know if its true giraffes have no vocal cords. Well, ive often wondered about that myself. Well, its true. It is true . Yes, yes but noah points out that its lucky they havent got vocal cords. Oh, he points that out . Yes, you see with their mouths way up that high you couldnt hear them if they did say anything. Now, i can stop wondering about it. Well, now once, my cousin noah had a funny experience with a very smart chimpanzee. Oh . While he was cleaning the cage. Cleaning the cage, yes and the chimp stole his keys and he got out and locked my cousin in. He locked noah in . Well, he must have felt pretty silly. Yes, especially because it was a week before they realized he was in and the chimp was out. laughter a full week . Yes, but it worked out fine. While he was in the cage, the chimp did his work so much better that when my cousin came out, they gave him a raise. unclear he deserved anything. Oh, he did huh . Yes, look what he did for the tigers more than he did for the camel and the for the bears . Oh sure, well sure, when he found out that they were maneaters, thats what he gave them for their sunday dinner. [george] gave them that for sunday . Now wait a minute gracie, that, i dont believe. He built the men out of hamburger. You know the way you make a snowman . And did the tigers like that as well as eating the real man . Oh, much better, oh . How many men are all hamburger and no bones . laughter applause [voiceover] appearing on tonights show were [crowd cheering] what a life. Throw me another pineapple, huh . This is the best luau weve had yet, chief. Remind me to send my draft board a thank you note. Could yall get a little closer together . Ah, come on. Sending this home to mother, ya know. If binghamton finds out we sneaked out to a luau, shell see our pictures at the post office. Hey, chuck, snap it up. Weve got to be getting back. Ok, skip. Ok, now, everybody watch the birdy and say cheese. Oh, and nobody blink. This flash powders pretty potent stuff. Hey, skip, theres a zero coming in at 3 00. Its hitandrun harry. Come on, take cover. Lets go, come on. Lets go. [screaming] i guess i used tomuch powder. Hey, chuck, run for it. What