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And may have accepted it and maybe half and half. maybe less. i don't know. it is a chance that if i took it, i might be dead today. >> you might be dead because of what? >> if it had got out while i was in active duty, i don't know. i mean, it is hard to say what the reaction would be. >> that was an actual fear of yours, a concern of yours, that if this got out, somebody might kill me in the field. >> yes. that's a fear i have right now. i don't know. when the book came out, some amazing support and some amazing praises but also some pretty amazing bigotry and hatred and it is like the comme...

When the book came out, some amazing support and some amazing praises but also some pretty amazing bigotry and hatred and they don't want to know. they make comments like i will never read that book. if you read it you could educate yourself a little bit. i don't want you to love me. i don't want you to like me but i don't want you to beat me up and kill me. you don't have to like me. i don't care. but please don't kill me. >> everybody knows that s.e.a.l.s are incredibly strong. in my opinion, to do what you're doing now requires a whole different kind of strength. >> i've seen that comment q...

There's been a lot of transgender people who are killed for prejudice, for hatred. when the book came out, some amazing support and some amazing praises but also some pretty amazing bigotry and hatred and they don't want to know. they make comments like i will never read that book. if you read it you could educate yourself a little bit. i don't want you to love me. i don't want you to like me but i don't want you to beat me up and kill me. you don't have to like me. i don't care. but please don't kill me. >> everybody knows that s.e.a.l.s are incredibly strong. in my opinion, to do what you're...

>> so how would you -- how would you let off steam? let off pressure? >> i would go to victoria's secrets and buy something, because it's easy. close to valentine's day was the best day to buy something at victoria's secret because there were a lot of guys in there buying something for their gifts. so i would buy a couple things and bring them home and wear it, but then you can't expose yourself or take the chance that anybody else would ever see this or you can't let it be there too much because then you get too comfortable with it and then it spills out. i don't want you to love me. i don't ...

Support, some amazing praises, but also some pretty amazing bigotry and hatred. and if you read it, you could educate yourself a little bit. i don't want you to like me, but i don't want you to beat me up and kill me. you don't have to like me. i don't care. but please don't kill me. >> everybody knows that feelings are incredibly strong. in my opinion, to do what you're doing now, requires a whole different kind of strength. >> i've seen that comment quite a bit and some s.e.a.l. team brothers said it is a whole different kind of courage. it is not something i look at myself and say, you know...