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Many of us do, from time to time, cross paths with couples that make you think: “But why are these two still together even under such 'unhappy' circumstances?” We ask ourselves this question usually in the backdrop of what we see as the reality of an untenable situation with a string of terrible experiences we may have witnessed in their marriage.
Extra-marital affairs are a lot more complicated than they are entirely lust-driven. Part of the complexity is hidden in why would a partner cheat but simultaneously still claim to deeply love their spouse? Also why would many of those cheated on, still be unprepared to leave the relationship despite the deep wounds of betrayal and broken trust? Cheating is not a deal-breaker for many couples — at least not in practice.
We’ve held back from thoroughly devoting exclusive time to this topic for a while, because we felt we had addressed it, albeit sporadically, in other themes we’ve written about. However, when we recently took time to examine suggestions we get from some of the readers of this column on issues to consider when writing, we were amazed at how we’ve overlooked such a glaring challenge in many marriages.
We’re probably all guilty of saying something unkind or thoughtless to our partners in front of others. But in the final analysis, there’s simply no reasonable justification for such behaviour. It’s humiliating, cringeworthy and highly embarrassing. It’s also abusive, undermining, hurtful and unacceptable.
Growing apart, one of the most cited reasons for divorce, is never quick. It happens slowly, over a period of time. And it doesn’t happen to a couple without their permission. Growing apart, or growing separately, is a state of disconnectedness from your spouse that is as a result of you not prioritising one another and are living separate lives where it’s each to his/her own.