A group of leading brexiteers, demand guarantees, before any divorce bill is paid. All four Board Members of the governments social Mobility Commission have resigned, in protest at what they see as a lack of progress towards a fairer britain. Donald trump hits out at the fbi in a series of angry tweets, claiming the agencys reputation is in tatters. And skywatchers begin catching glimpses of this months supermoon when the moon appears larger and brighter in the sky. And coming up in a minute, bbc radio five lives anna foster hosts the biggest conversation about mums and Mental Health thats in mumta keover. Now on bbc news, radio 5 live presenter anna foster hosts the uks biggest conversation about mums and Mental Health at this special event held at the iconic blackpool tower. Hello, everybody. Were here at the beautiful blackpool tower in this gorgeous circus to kick start the uks biggest conversation about mums and Mental Health. Everything from post natal depression, anxiety, loneliness, work life balance, the whole lot. Anything that you felt or talked about. Were going to be live. We got a0 plus. But no, thats not impressive. We got 400 plus mums in the audience and some dads, too. Shout out to the dads. Applause. There they are. We will be discussing the facts, hearing personal stories and looking for solutions to the Mental Health challenges affecting so many mums and dads in the uk. Weve got our gorgeous panel of experts and not to forget of course our mums who have joined us today. Lots of you from blackpool. And you can follow the conversation facebook, twitter and instagram. Mumta keover. And dont forget today is all about starting this conversation. Is going to continue for a long time online. Its just a chance to share experiences, share your thoughts, your stories and sometimes its just about hearing somebody say, you know what, i recognise that and i have been through it as well. 0ur celebrity mums will head off into the audience and get themselves ready and its a good time to meet our panel. Hi. Im annie and im the editor and chief of net mums. We are a place where eight million mums come and talk every month. And where they can offer peer to peer support, that invaluable support to get you through those tricky days. I am a perinatal psychiatrist consultant on the nhs and im also chair of the maternal Mental Health alliance which represents 85 patients and professional organisations all committed to improving the Mental Health of mums and the outcomes for them and their babies. And also a presenter on the bbc two series, trust me im a doctor. See it in january. Im claire law. I work for better start right here in blackpool. My role is to design new services for mums and dads with babies and Young Children as part of the better start initiative. It is a National Lottery funded initiative and it is all about improving outcomes. Hi everyone, im neev. Im a radio presenter and a dj. I had my first child last year. A beautiful child cold genevieve. I struggled with my Mental Health in the month that followed her birth and i feel like, because i got through it all, i have so many tips and hopefully some really useful advice for you mums today. Im so excited to be here. Thank you. Lets get this discussion started because weve got so many mums and so many fantastic stories to share in the audience. Well begin with eve. Eve, hello. Hi. I was reading one of your posts online the other day, which was so much good information that i wished, to be honest, someone had given me on the way home from the hospital. Tell us about your experience to start off with. Im coming at this from having never had a Mental Illness and when i had my son seven and half years ago i developed postpartum psychosis and post natal anxiety disorder. I didnt have the rush of love the people talked about. I have something very different and dramatic. I had a realfear of him and i thought he was evil, i thought he had been sent to destroy me. I had hallucinations that i was floating in the air, or that id been buried alive. And i had never heard that having a baby could cause this. That was a complete surprise. Because it seemed so extreme, the symptoms that you have. But they started to happen to me within a few hours of having my son and when he was six years old i was hospitalised six weeks old. In a psychiatric mother and baby unit to start my recovery. And it took me around a year and a half to recover from the symptoms i was experiencing because it was so traumatising. I wrote the blog that i did the other day, because myself and my family had absolutely no idea where to go or who to talk to. Can you remember who you first went to . Sometimes it is making that first leap, isnt it . Trusting one person to tell. I rememberfive days after i had my son i went to the gp and said, i had a very realfear of him and i didnt why. I didnt want to be near him. She told me that i needed some more sleep. And i saw another gp, and ive written about this, one gp told me to make a cake, get some new make up for myself and maybe start feeling a bit better for myself. Were they well meaning . Was it just that they didnt understand. They were well meaning but i think they hadnt ever seen anything like me and they were giving me the lines they would maybe give to other people for when they come into them something very mild. I genuinely think now, working how i do in this Mental Health, that they had never seen anything like me. Really . And how do you. Once youve identified what the problem is and living through that, how do then start to things . What do they do to try make that better . For me going into the mother and baby unit was the single best thing i ever did. It saved my life. The day i went in there was the day i decided i wanted to die. I was heavily medicated. You say that so. Casually is not the right word, but such a huge thing for anybody. Ive come to terms of my illness and the symptoms that happened to me and my friends always say, motherhood has been the making of me but not in the way i thought it was going to be. In a new side to myself, a massive strength and i have reached those steps. I thought i did not want to be here. To see my recovery and how accepting help from Proper Health care professionals with medication, that it is all right to go into an in unit if need be and accepting that you need time and lots of support. Ive accepted that. Ive accepted that im very much recovered. Stacey, who have you got . I am here with fiona. Youre the founder of young mum support network. You are an incredible woman. Tell me your experiences of becoming a mum. So i became a mum 13 years ago. And sadly for me the person i became pregnant for told me i should terminate my pregnancy and if i didnt he would have nothing to do with her. So to date he has never seen her and hes never been in her life. So, that, for me, was a big shock. First time pregnancy and being faced with rejection was really soul destroying but very embarrassing as well. You felt ashamed for being a single parent. Idid. I felt ashamed. I felt that i was the only person had this experience and i didnt feel that i was allowed to enjoy pregnancy, if that makes sense. Going for the appointment and suchlike that was very kind of. It wasnt fun. When you are dealing with a mum in that situation, what would you say . People must feel that same pressure. What do you say to try and reassure them. I think its really important. What im hearing so far today is that there is this huge thing around stigma and actually people feel that it is their own responsibility to seek help and access online chats. And there is that, of course, but i think its really important that professionals and people working with young mums or dads that work in children centres that work out in the community, that we really upskill workers and Community Members to actually reach out to people, to routinely ask about how theyre feeling, are they 0k, have they had experiences of trauma or difficulties within their lives, just to make more normal to be asked so that were not always putting the onus onto people to find help themselves. Notjust mums today. Dads as well. Lets talk about that because i think they get overlooked. Mark is the founder of fathers reaching out to campaign to raise awareness about post natal depression in families. Can you tell us a little bit more about you and what you do and what youve gone through. I was uneducated about Mental Health. I was 30 years old. I remember going into the labour ward in these doctors came rushing in and said your wife has to have an emergency c section. I had my first ever panic attack. Ive never had one before. I thought my wife was going to die. She went on to have severe post natal depression. Wales have not got a motherand baby unit. I had to give up myjob, after her and the baby. I had a new mortgage, money worries, credit cards, eventually i started to get depression as well myself. Suicide thoughts around the four five month mark. I suffered in silence for six years. My wife got well and it wasnt until later i had a full on breakdown. I suffered from the feeling ofjust man up, coming from a community of kick boxing. Trying to be a man. It took a breakdown. My physical health was great but my Mental Health deteriorated to the point then i had a full breakdown. Anna and the panel, do you feel we just overlook dads . That we forget them . It was interesting hearing you talk about your wifes emergency c section because i had one and my husband said afterwards that in that situation he felt very left out. Like he was a spare part, like he was in the way. And afterwards, you are trying so hard to help your wife that you felt that you may be to the back seat, i bet. I wanted her to be well. I never told my wife how i was feeling because it did not want to impact on her Mental Health. I suffered for years and i didnt know that the nightmares and flashbacks and thinking my wife died, waking up in the middle of the night, what i knew now is pts. I want to explain to men, the quicker you get the help the quicker the recovery is. Where are you, carla . I will climb stairs to find you. Its great to see you. Tell us about your situation. Because you started feeling that isolation, didnt you . After having your kids. Yes. My son was born seven weeks early. I had something called placenta praevia so i had bleeds every week in the lead up to my wedding and my sons birth. The week before the wedding my dad has a massive heart attack and couldnt walk me down the aisle and then my son came seven weeks early. So i had post natal depression, quite badly, and anxiety. And initially, at the time, i dont think you actually realise you have got it. I was just thinking, though, is this what being a mum is like . I didnt enjoy it but i darent say i didnt enjoy it ijust pretended that everything was great. I remember when the midwife would say, are you 0k . I would say yes. Why did you say yes . To be honest, what you spoke about, really. I was terrified i might get my son taken away from me. Im normally quite a social and happy person so i felt like i had to keep that persona up and then behind closed doors i was just a mess, really. I didnt sleep much at night. I was just worried all the time about death, to be honest. For some reason i panic about death anyway. The fact that me and my son came so close to death, really worried me. Who have you got with you next . Im here with kerry and weve been having a chat about how everyone talking sparks more thoughts for us. And kerry has one child but shes also stepmum to lots and lots of children. But she is also blind so that feeling of being excluded and not being included is very different for you. What you like to ask the panel today . What are you doing to support people out there with disabilities . What are you doing . People make a lot of assumptions. You know, what resources are there . Why dont you take this one, alan . A lot of what you do is push people in the right direction. Specifically with regards to disabilities we mustnt forget that Mental Health problems can also be a cause of disability. Traditionally, we think about physical Health Problems causing disability but people with Mental Health problems quite often cant even get out of bed, cant get dressed, can get out of the house, so i think it is important that we look at disability across its breadth. A key point is that people disabilities have very individual needs, whatever disability it is. So its really important to surround ourselves as best we can with a network of people to help and support as, just friends and family. And then to seek professional help. Without any sense of shame, and it is easily said, but difficult to do, but maybe our friends and family can support us to seek the help that we need. Stacey, who have you got with you . You blog about being a parent. You got a strong message that you wanted to talk about today. It is difficult for asian mums to come out about being mentally depressed and everything like that so ijust wanted to know what could be done by you guys or anyone in higher organisations to make it seem more comfortable for months to come out about their Mental Health . Asian mums, definitely. You were nodding at me. I am an asian mum. I think that culturally, there is a lot of pressure when you even just get married in our culture. There is a lot of pressure before you get married to get married, and then to have children. There is a microscope that your family put over you. In our culture, there is so much pressure and there is stigma. We dont talk about being depressed. It is not the done thing. You dont see a lot of asians on tv onjeremy kyle and shows like that talking about their problems. We just dont do it. It is just not done. But i think the best thing that you can do is what you are doing, setting up these forums and telling all of the mums out there that is ok. It is a generational issue. I think it is because our parents are old school in their thinking. It is amazing having support. Albeit overbearing support, it is still support. I could not have got over my struggles with post natal depression if it was not from my mothers support, allowing me to get sleep, taking the baby so i could have a bath. Those things are so important. If it is overbearing, it can be hard to deal. You just have to make the decisions as a parent and stick to them. We are speaking to a lot of our guests today. They have found it helpful to channel something whether it is talking about it, whether it is helping other people, like you were just saying. Education has been a channel for you, hasnt it . Yes, definitely. I was 18 years old when i had my baby. It was about, you know, it was really difficult. I lost all my friends. I had lost, you know, all of that sense of. Your life is very different. Youre instantly separated, i guess, if your friends arent going through the same thing as you. I think what really did help me was going back to school. When i was in year 12, i had my baby, i had a gap year, then i went back to year 13 and went into university. Being a part time mum, you know part time mum, part time student. And being around people my age, doing things that matter to me and feeling like i was working on my own future, that was really helpful because, yes, hearing someone actually speaking openly about feeling suicidal, it happens to a lot of mums and you feel guilty for then feeling that way. You feel selfish, you feel angry with yourself and i think actually, getting out there and doing things for you. I think that mum guilt is something that for all of us here that will always be there, right . It is a big thing. Thank you for coming today. Thank you. That moves us into the final topic and that is work life balance. And of all the times you feel guilty probably that moment, maybe it is the first time you go off to work after having a baby. You go back after Maternity Leave or it is when youre a late home one day and you miss dinner, you miss bedtime. Those bits of guilt are really difficult to deal with. Mum guilt seems to be a running theme. Definitely. Ive got a really poorly husband and i beat myself up every day, thinking that maybe, you know, i could be a better mum, but i dont think i can be a better mum so its quite emotional sorry. Its totally fine. You beat yourself up for what reason . Just basically being a mum and dad. Youve got a lot on and you have to take a minute for you. And its ok to down about it and it is ok to feel that. I think generally, if we didnt feel mum guilt, we essentially wouldnt be a mum, right . Thats your job. Its yourjob to look out and you want the best for them 24 7 so if you feel that youre not giving everything, you are going to feel mum guilt. But thats because youre spreading yourself thin maybe and youve got a lot to get done. Yes, i mean, everybody says to me youre doing an amazing job, i do know how you do it. And its like, i stand back and i think, how am i doing this . Its kind of like autopilot. You just do it. You focus on your work, what youve got to do after work, how many hospital appointments youve got to go to, the tests, the tests that are coming up, the results to wait for, and its just like every day is a battle. It is dads as well. I feel like my role today is to bring the dads in. Bring them in, bring them in. I have sam and kevin with me. How have you been finding today and has anything resonated with you . I found there to have been so many inspirational points made in so many amazing stories. A couple of times, ive gone to break into applause but there are sleeping babies around this area so it would not have been a good idea its been great to listen to all those stories. As a dad myself im a stand up comedian as well, so ive always been very comfortable talking about my own insecurities and my own feelings because thats where comedy lives. You dont get laughs from talking about how you had a great day. Weve all got one friend who is like that and theyve got no good stories whatsoever. But when i started blogging about being a dad, its mainly women and mainly mums who read my blog. They were often coming in, saying im glad someone has been honest about this but that was never something i set out to do. It wasjust a case of, i didnt know what i was doing either, and it was nice to hear that there was a conversation starting between people who were all so feeling comfortable admitting that they were struggling. It is a point that people have brought up a lot today. Im really impressed that there are men coming here talking about this as well. I was a teenage parent at 17. When i found out i was a father, i was very isolated. I didnt hang around with a good crowd. I remember being in my Business Class in college not talking to anyone in the classroom because i felt that i was different from everyone. And i think its important for us to talk about this, you know. We are heading to the end, which is why wanted to speak to danielle. Youve got a really good question to ask which kind of sums up everything that weve talked about. It is almost impossible, really, to work out a path through life, isnt it . And your question is about having it all, really. Just tell me about your story. My name is danielle. I am a mum to an 18 month old son, anders, and my second son was sadly stillborn. I work as a Public Affairs manager and before anders, i wasnt one ounce maternal at all and didnt really think about having babies or anything. When i went back to work, i found it incredibly difficult to try and give 100 to work, which is what i had always done, and 100 to anders, who was my whole world. And ijust wondered if anyone here had the secret to the elusive having it all. I find it completely impossible even having half of it, to be honest. So if anyone can share anything with me, that would be wonderful. Im a perfectionist type personality who always gives 150 of everything, thinking that everything had to be perfect. And ive had come to accept, and actually i am a big believer now, the 70 rule dont tell my boss this but that 70 is enough. Do you know what i mean . Nothing has to be perfect. No one is perfect. There are only 24 hours in the day, and half of those you should be asleep, so you can only do what you can do. Lets just get some final thoughts from our mums and from our panel. Because i think two hours have flown by, but one thing that has been really obvious throughout is the themes. The fact that even though we are all separate people, different lives, we all have the same fears. I think we can do look at other people and think they have got it all. And we dont look at, we dont see whats going on behind closed doors. The thing of two hours flying by, we can all talk about being a mum endlessly. You know, you never run out of topics. You never run dry. And i find it fascinating talking to people because, you know, people of all walks of life we have the same problems, same issues. The more that we share, the more that we can create more of a community. I think there is a bit of grass is greener thing. Like, i feel guilt for being a working mum and i know that stacey and all of you have spoken about that. But i love the fact that you touched on earlier that you feel like you should be a working mum. So i think either way, you are going to feel some sort of guilt. I feel really happy that weve confirmed that were all going to feel that. Do you know what . It isjust so inspiring to be in a bunch of people, men and women, who are all on the same common ground, who have all come together to support one another, because we all know that we are facing quite an impossible task. Nobody is perfect, but were doing a good job, every single one of us. And as long as we stick together and were there for each other when we need it, everything is going to be ok. No matter what, as long as you unconditionally love and support your children, you are doing the right thing and youre doing a greatjob. And if you take away thejudgement as well. If people stop judging each other. It is something within you youre trying to come to terms with something that youre doing. Forget about it youre doing what youre doing. Dont compare, dontjudge. We are amazing thank you, everybody. Thank you to our incredible panel and guests. And to you, every Single Person in this room. All of our incredible mums, everyone online. Thank you so much, everybody. Thanks, mums and dads. Applause hello. Sunday turned out to be not too bad across many parts of the british isles, i didnt see an awful lot of frontrunners. But it was there to be had in other parts of there to be had in other parts of the british isles. The day started like that in cumbria and finish rather like that in parts of perth and kinross. Isuspect rather like that in parts of perth and kinross. I suspect not too many complaints there. 0vernight if youre looking for the super moon, many in with a chance, though more cloud at the top and tail of the british isles, quite a bit of cloud forming a rough spots east anglia and the south east. But even here if it breaks, temperatures will dip away and there could be a bit of mist and fog as well. One or two sports are chilly on the eastern side of the pennines, they could see a touch of frost. That is it cant afford in the south eastern quarter as they start a day. Elsewhere it is out of funds and macleod yet again in the third of cornwall and pembrokeshire with the passing shower. There is a lot of drier weather, notjust first up lot of drier weather, notjust first upfor lot of drier weather, notjust first up for the commute but for a good pa rt up for the commute but for a good part of the day. More cloud in parts of Northern Ireland getting to scotland, certainly more towards the Northern Isles of scotland, a wet start of the day here and it will ta ke start of the day here and it will take the time before we see the end of the rain. Into the afternoon, many areas with a chance the brightness is not some decent spells of sunshine and the temperatures range, 5 6d as a low and elsewhere, still double figures. Tuesday, not a great deal of difference. A little more and the way of cloud, the breeze coming in from the south west and into the north and west of scotla nd and into the north and west of scotland there is rain, temperatures not bad, 7 11d. Big change for northern and western parts and do wednesday. The wind really picking up wednesday. The wind really picking up and some will see quite a bit of rain, especially the west of scotla nd rain, especially the west of scotland into Northern Ireland. Later in the western side of wales. Then the south west of england, its wet and windy on thursday and the cloud and rain is easing to the east. As the low pressure moose is, it opens up the door to tap into a reservoir of cold air which is there at this time of year across the far north. So the week, mostly fine to start with but then to work and windy and then much colder by the end of the week. Hello this is bbc world news today, im ben bland. The top stories. A new war of words between north korea and the us on the eve of the biggest ever us south korean air drills. Crazy to send spouses and children to south korea given the provocation of north korea, i want them to stop sending dependence. Egyptian president ial hopeful ahmad shafiq denies being kidnapped after turning up in the capital. 0n the eve of crucial talks in brussels domestic pressure mounts on uk Prime Minister theresa may to demand guarantees before any divorce bill is paid and skywatchers get their first glimpse of a larger and brighter looking moon as it reaches its closest point to earth
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