1 month ago
MONTREAL – In a press release published today CN Rail announced plans to warp sections of train tracks into speed bumps to maintain Canada’s status as a leader in slow-speed rail transit.
“Soon, Canadians will no longer have to endure fast moving passenger and freight trains,” claimed CN president Jean-Jacques Ruest. “These speed bumps will ensure we remain the only G7 country without high-speed rail.”
This announcement comes after several engineers were found participating in illegal underground train racing, at times allegedly reaching highway speeds.
Gil Donahue, a train engineer from Manitoba, isn’t happy with the new changes. “They can install these ridiculous speed bumps, but there’s nothing stopping us from swerving around them.”