Larry oh, thanks, jeb. cheers and applause very good timing. We actually did some research on this, and our Research Team came up with an actual number. Crack Research Team, what it that break down to . One in nine laughter larry all right. Thank you. Thank you. Our crack Research Team tim, everyone. laughter that means close to one in nine married people in america are actively trying to have an affair on just this one site. Statistically speaking, thats like two duggars. laughter [ audience oohs ] oh. So just what is all stake in at stake in this hack . Hackers threaten to reveal customers sexual fantasies and Financial Information if the website is not shut down. Larry oh, wow. They might release secret sexual fantasies of married people . laughter that sounds scandalous laughter what could those fantasies be . Hopefully tonight. laughter not missionary. laughter nobody cries. laughter or the most racy married fantasy ever unscheduled. laughter cheers woo yeah cheers got an older crowd here. laughter an experienced crowd. All right. Here to talk to us more about this hack is anonymous Ashley Madison user mr. X. So, mr. X, how do you feel about this . laughter its a disaster, larry. All my information has been exposed. Of i didnt sign up for this. I signed up for cheating, not getting caught. laughter larry well, didnt you also sign up to be married . I mean, thats a contract. laughter i dont remember. I was drunk when i got married. laughter look the only contract im concerned about right now is the Ashley Madison terms of service. They said they would scrub my info for 19. 99. They lied, larry. This is about betrayal between me and the internet. laughter . Larry your voice sounds so odd there. laughter so really . Thats how you see it . Me and ashley . We had a covenant. laughter we had a bond. Now thats broken. I wish my marriage wasnt so bad. Id like to talk about this with my wife. laughter thanks for listening. Larry hey, sorry. Its no problem. Im sorry your marriage is bad too. But if youre that unhappy, why dont you just get a divorce . Are you kidding . Do you know how humiliating that would be . laughter id have to live my whole life with this fake mustache and voice. laughter larry okay, well, thanks a lot. Mr. X, everyone. cheers and applause i have no idea who that was. Completely anonymous. Moving on to our top story and a segment called i cant believe this [ bleep ] is still going on laughter this past weekend in south carolina, racial tensions got so high, they made the recent iran nuke talks look like a super chill. Corona ad. laughter heres what happened. Thats not photoshoped you guys. This is all true. There was rally on the state house steps about the Confederate Flag, and guess who was invited . On the north steps, a small rally by the black educators for justice, a radical offshoot of the new black panther party. On the south lawn, the ku klux klan. Larry what . laughter the black panthers and the klan got booked for the same spot on the same day . laughter good lord seriously . Oh, my god cheers and applause i mean, this is the worst booking error since cosby was tapped to give the keynote address at the annual spring narcolepsy convention. laughter cheers im just reporting on this. I am just the reporter. All right . So let me see if i can guess this properly. Youve got kkk and black panthers. Hmmment. Which side is supporting the Confederate Flag . Im here for this right here. Im here for this flag. Im here for my forefathers who died under this flag. Larry i guess your dentist died under the flag too. laughter cheers and applause okay. Out of line. Okay. Lets see if we can unpack the absurdity of this. Kkk guy wants me to believe that he has honorable intentions in supporting the flag. Oh, kkk guy. laughter i just think its too soon for me to trust you. laughter but you know what . Please put some more of your honorable intentions on display so i can have a more informed decision. And please include any other people that you feel could help express this honorable point. You are the color of a bowel movement. You drag your knuckles [ bleep ]. Everybody should stick with their own damn race and then this country would be a better damn place i love connell sanders. [ bleep ] [ audience oohs ] larry hmm. Okay lets see. Color of bowel movement. All right. I would say im not on board. laughter there you have it some of the loudest profonts of the Confederate Flag. Theres nothing clearer than a man holding the Confederate Flag high while making ape noises at a crowd of people. What else is there to say . Well be right back. cheers and applause tmobile now extends your coverage beyond the borders at no extra charge. Get 4g lte data in mexico and canada just like in the u. S. And call and text as much as you want to and from the united states, mexico, and canada. You heard right unlimited calls to any phone even mobile. In mexico and canada for free its included with simple choice plans. Only tmobile gives you coverage and calling in three countries for the price of one. Switch today. If you cant stand the heat, get off the test track. Get the mercedesbenz youve been burning for at the summer event, going on now at your authorized mercedesbenz dealer. Hurry, before this opportunity cools off. Share your summer moments in your mercedesbenz with us. In the outback no worries means a 3course meal for just 12. 99 every wednesday. And now on sundays too enjoy soup or salad, an entree and dessert. All this, for that . Its no worries wednesdays sundays at outback. Music playing throughout bend the rules of whats possible with the epic hp x360. Some people may think subway doesnt have enough flavor. Im here to help em think differently. You know that sandwich you always get . I can make it even better. You ever try this toasted with monterrey cheddar . You know what, why not. Ok how about we spice this up a little bit . That sounds amazing. Lets rock this sandwich together. Subway. Eat fresh. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. Joining us again, comedian and actress rachel feinstein. cheers and applause hes a rapper and actor you can see in the new movie southpaw, out friday, 50 cent. cheers and applause and hes the director of the new movie trainwreck and author of the new book sick in the head, my old pal, judd apatow. cheers and applause its a great panel. Lot of movie power on the panel tonight. Now, judd, we did this whole cosby thing. I wish he was here tonight. Because i know you had a lot to say about this. What is your take on what all this stuff that just came out . Well, everything just came out so i feel like larry you were enjoying it. Its so sad. I mean you are one of the only people to really make a strong statement about it. And i only talked about it because nobody was talking about it. Larry well, its showbiz. I feel like the women make strong statements. laughter no one chose to believe them. Thats through. Right true. Right. applause the camille thing always shocked me that she stands by him. Larry yeah. Ike he doesnt seem to be getting in any trouble, where i larry trouble . Yeah. I accidentally only recorded the second half of the bachelorette the other night and my wife almost murdered me. I think he convinced himself that he hasnt done anything wrong. I was looking at parts of the deposition, just the fact that he describes all the the things he does with them beforehand. They do a lot of acing, almost like acting like hip roll exercises. And then he talks about them about what their goals are. Theres this massaging course he gives them first. I think he honestly believes he offers them kind of prerape spiritual advancement course. laughter and hes sick. Hes a lunatic. And i think he actually tells himself that. You know . Larry yeah. He really offers them a lot of council before he ruins their lives. Larry do you think hes sick or to you think hes convinced he did nothing wrong . I dont think 40 people say to do that this means that it has to be like a super routine. laughter . 40 people . Yeah. Ou think hes going for a number thing. I think it was like every available person like laughter a different kind of vitamin water if you will. Larry all right. Well we talked about this Ashley Madison thing. Lets show this clip of the guy who runs the Cheating Website because this is what he says. People have affairs because they dont want a divorce. Their joint economic situation, their family and household. Theres all kinds of things. But what they dont want to continue with is what doesnt happen in their bedroom. Larry okay. Now, do you believe thats true . Hes telling you the truth. I dont want to break up. Thats why i was with her. laughter guys will say anything, right . applause larry let me ask you this. Do you think cheating can actually save marriages or relationship . No but i think when youve done something youre not supposed to do, you have a higher tolerance. laughter why are you looking at me . laughter . Larry first you drugged her drink. Now whats going on here . laughter whatever you want. After youve done something youre not supposed to do. I accept your apology. laughter i dont understand cheating at all in my life. But when youre with someone that you feel like its better than like i cant imagine two women would want to have sex with me. laughter larry you mean another woman. I cant believe shes there. laughter i go out to eat. I always feel like shes going to go to the bathroom and climb out a window and run away. laughter larry why do you think its happening so much . Do you think people are cheating more or that its just easier to cheat . I think it is easier. Larry its easy to cheat . They market to people who want to cheat. Even that website, theres something so weird about it the way they call it Ashley Madison. Is sounds like the name of some highend linens. Theyre selling drapes. A lot of married men, theyll tell the woman to leave. They dont want a textmessage or email or any type of communication right there. laughter get up and leave immediately after were done. laughter larry thats what they actually say. Yeah. Theyre paying for that. Theyre not paying for the sexual experience. They can get that no communication. laughter larry do you think we care about it anymore . Do we care if our politicians cheat . You say yes but bills Approval Rating went up after you liked it better when you found out you messed up too. Larry you liked him because you thought he was human yeah. Larry or because it shows that imperfections within men. The Additional Energy in that area. laughter . Larry hey im talking about laughter if you exercise a lot right. Then you have more testosterone. See, i dont exercise. laughter . Not at all. I hit the link and it was a picture of me. laughter larry no, are you serious . Yeah. Wow. Its terrible. Dont think it works. I dont believe that like you could run 20,000 miles in your life and if i run zero, im going to live a shorter amount of time than you because im like a tire with all its tread. laughter im totally ready. Nothing has been used here. laughter larry i have a stepdad bod. Its like laughter . Someone was going to a website. On the computer and you look and it says the previous search was like that. Will i be upset . If you saw your spouse in it . R spouse was looking at it. No, because i make my wife make out with paul rudd every three years. laughter . cheers and applause larry if he saw your spouses name how would you react . Id say ahha. Larry hmm. If you saw a friend of yours under would you tell the person . Its not my business. Im not getting involved in that. Larry would you, rachel . Hes not a yeah, if it was anybody i cared about, id let them know. Its not just that theyre cheating. Thats the thing about a dirtbag. God knows what can happen. Are really attracted to women. laughter your relationship is not open. I feel like me and 50s life are very different. laughter i can appreciate these things. Larry can relate to everything youre saying i can relate to everything youre saying, 50. laughter you cant even say it. He cant even say it. Well be right back. cheers and applause bacolooooogne bacon you cant eat, is bacon you dont need. Try taco bells bacon club chalupa. Crispy bacon over grilled chicken in a chewy chalupa shell. Its bacon you can eat. Its just a summer thing double it up this summer. With a hot deal from mcdonalds. The twofifty double combo. A mouthwatering double cheeseburger. And small fries for just twofifty. Ba da ba ba ba well, hes leveraged to the hilt. [shrieks] [laughing] avvo . I love baby statues. I love you. Aww [grunts as bags hit him] [gasps] avvo. Avvo. [gasps] door slam avvo. When you need a lawyer start your search at avvo and find the lawyer whos right for you. Avvo. Lets find your lawyer. Isnt it beautiful when things just come together . Build a beautiful website with squarespace. A hand pressed burger, melted cheddar with crispy hash browns and an egg your way. The thing now thats a burg explosion groans you want that to go again sweetie . The thing burger. Welcome to dennys. Fantastic 4, only in theaters. Larry welcome back. Its time for the segment we like to call keep it 100. There we go. For all you people who dont know what that expression means, it means keep it 100 real. All right . If you guys keep it 100 real you get were going to throw some all right . Judd, lets start with you. In honor yf your movie trainwreck, congratulations, you had great weekend. Thank you very much. cheers and applause very funny amy schumer who i imagine is the trainwreck in question. Thats true. Larry here is your question. Who is bigger trainwreck, amy schumer or lena dunham . Ooh. Thats a very good question. laughter i never even pondered to think that. Larry thats my job. laughter well, i dont know. Production has rapped. The movies out. Schumer cheers and applause larry is he keeping it 100 . cheers and applause good job. 50 who keeping on the trainwreck thing whos a bigger trainwreck diddy or raul . cheers and applause you can put yourself in there too. I like me out of that one. Larry thats pretty bad. cheers and applause hundred . All right. What were you going to say . I was just going to say mine was easier than his. laughter because i larry they get harder as we go along. I didnt have like the threat of violence or anything. laughter larry the degree of difficulty increases. Look at rachel getting all scared. I know because i dont want it. Larry you were in trainwreck. You should have asked me if she was a trainwreck. Larry okay. You worked with judd and you worked with me here. So whos a bigger trainwreck judd or me . [ audience oohs ] keep in mind trainwreck has rapped. Yeah. Honestly, i like i guess i spend more time with judd at this point. So id have to say you. You could have skeletons no one knows about. Larry im the bigger trainwreck . [ audience oohs ] oh, whatever i knew they were going to attack me. I knew it. Larry what should i give her . I dont know. Rachel, ill give you a hundred but you never call me a trainwreck. cheers and applause larry well be right back. How dare you . Larry if you live in the new york city area or planning to visit, grab some free tickets to an upcoming taping of the the nightly show, showcased monday through thursday. For complete details go to the thenightlyshow. Com tickets. cheers and applause one, two, three oclock. Four oclock pop. Five, six, seven oclock. Eight oclock pop. Nine, ten Eleven Oclock twelve oclock pop were gonna pop around the clock tonight. Put your glad rags on and join me hon well have some fun when the clock strikes one. Were gonna pop. Around the clock tonight. Were gonna pop, pop, pop. till the broad daylight. Were gonna pop around the clock tonight. Pop in new tide pods plus febreze a 4 in 1 detergent that cleans brightens and fights stains. Now with 24hour freshness. Kelloggs® frosted miniwheats®. 8 layers of wheat. And one thats sweet. To satisfy the adult. And kid in all of us. Nutritious wheat for the adult youve grown into. And delicious sweet for the kid youll never outgrow. Feed your inner kidult. With frosted miniwheats® and now you could win up to a hundred dollars when you buy any specially marked kelloggs cereal. In the outback we let the bold flavors. Speak for themselves. With new. Tender. Juicy. Sirloin. Portabella. And now, over 70 lunch combinations. Every day starting at just 6. 99. Its lunch at last at outback. Introducing the Samsung Galaxy s6 active only from at t. Tested to withstand pretty much anything life throws your way. Switch to at t and get a 300 credit with eligible purchase and tradein. Dy central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org cheers and applause larry thats our show i want to thank our panelists 50 cent, rachel feinstein, and judd apatow. Give them a nice round of applause. cheers and applause tune in tomorrow night when uzo aduba from orange is the new black joins me on the panel. Goodnightly, everyone cheers and applause nsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause jon welcome. Nice to see you. Welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. We got a big show for you tonight but i would like to begin it by reciting my [laughter] 29 minutes long but it gets cooking around a 117. Im not going to screw around tonight as someone reminded me in the audience tonight [laughter] apparently if i understand it correctly, no ones interested in my [bleep] tonight. So lets just get to it. Ladies and gentlemen the 44th president of the united states. Please welcome back to the Program President barack obama. [crowd cheering] thank you. Jon you know, i am amazed and humble every time i come out here and get that ovation. Im just happy you were here to witness it. [laughter] what are you going to do. How are you . What have you done now
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