Lincoln and davis signed a treaty, general. The war is over. No its finally over cartman. You lost yeah, and now you can take that stupid beard off. [tears] [screaming in pain] [scream echoing] boys, as president of the united states, i want to commend you for stopping the rebel uprising. Dont touch me. Well, cartman, the south lost. That means youre our slave for a month. Damn it damn it i was so close. Damn it now, the first thing i want you to do for us is wait a minute. I dont have to be your slave. What . The north still won the civil war. That means slavery is abolished hes right, boys. Slavery is illegal and immoral, partially in thanks to the north winning the civil war. Aw [mocking laughter] aw, to hell with it. Lets just go home. Thanks a lot, bill clinton. Yeah, thanks, dick. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor thank you so much thank you, everybody and welcome, welcome. Welcome to the daily show. Im trevor noah. Thank you so much. Take a seat, everybody. Good to have you. Our guest tonight, our guest tonight, rapper and actor ludacris is here, everybody. cheers and applause but first up, first, the Winter Olympics are in full swing. Which means we get all the pageantry of russian cheating on ice. After winning bronze in mixed curling, russian Alexander Krushelnitsky tested positive for a banned substance. Word that russian curler Alexander Krushelnitsky may have used a banned substance has sent shock waves through the olympic village. Were trying to make it the cleanest sport possible and these games clean, and theres no place for it in the olympics for cheating and doping. Trevor yeah, curling should be the cleanest event. The entire sport is sweeping. In fact, the only thing cleaner than the ice is the seats because no one is watching. laughter do the russians cheat at everything . What a waste of steroids. Think about it. I did the steroids applause what are you doing . This athlete is having the worst week ever. He lost his medal. His ball balls have shrank. And hes still just a curler. laughter but lets move on, lets move on to the continuing story of the School Shooting in parkland, florida. Its been one week now since the tragic event occurred. And it appears progress might be coming from an unlikely source. President trump is offering some insight into what the white house may be working on in the wake of last weeks School Shooting in florida. The president is tweeting his support for strengthening background checks for gun purchases, and hes directed his Justice Department to draft a ban on bump stocks which makes it easier to fire rounds more quickly. Trevor thats right, President Trump might be sipting a ban on bump stocks and strengthening of background checks. Which is weird, right . Trump might do something good. laughter yeah. You know you dont know how to feel about that. laughter yeah. Its like getting hit on by someone really hot, but theyre also your cousin. Laugh its like, im flattered but i cant go home with you. You know, like, call me when both our parents are dead. No, because thats how it workses, right . Your parents are dead and then you can smash . No . Okay, just me. Anyway, maybe the reason the president has signaled this on gun safety is hes watching the same kids we have been watching the past few days the survivors of the shooting who have been speaking out. The only reason we have gotten so far is we are not afraid of losing money. We are not afraid of of getting elected or reelected. I beseech our american lawmakers from congress and senate to stop slinging mud across the isl aisle. We stared down the barrel of an ar15 ourselves. Trevor i think that last kid is very relatable. I, too, do not wish to be shot in the bleep face. Yeah. Wherever malala is right now, shes like, thats what ive been saying yeah were all on the same page now, most people who see those kids are impressed by how articulate they are, and theyre inspired by their passion. Other people, like excongressman and paid cnn contributor jack kingston, they think its suspicious that these kids say they dont want to be shot in the face. I think its a horrible tragedy, and i am heartbroken, but i also know that their sorrow can very easily be hijacked by left wing griewns. But do you think it has that have an agenda. Well, lets ask ourselves, do we really think and i say this sincerely do we really think 17yearolds on their own are going to plan a nationwide rally . Trevor i say this sincerely get the bleep out of here, man. Really . Really you think applause you think adults can convince teenagers to do something they dont want to do . laughter really . Like, you think these kids were actually pro gun and then, what, george soros showed up and he was like, who wants skittles . Yeah youre shocked that these kids can plan a few events. If this guy had even seen one movie about high school, he would know that planning rallies is at least 30 of being a teenager, right . Year, the other 70 is falling in love with vampires. Im not saying these kids arent get anything help from adults. But that doesnt mean its not their ideas. Its the same way teenagers get grownups to help them by booze. Thats what they do. When that happened, were not like, really, who made you want to get cronked tonight . Who was it . Was it the democrats . laughter now, some pro gun vacation taking the opposite approach. They do believe theyre acting without adults and for them thats the problem. The teenagers are focusing more on expertise and supplyside of guns. Which, tucker, lets be candid, they have not probably studied a very complicated layered issues. Trevor they may not be professors in guns but maybe being in a mass shooting get you an honorary degree. Yeah, maybe, just maybe . applause you do realize, you do realize if people werent allowed to know share their opinions unless they studied the issues, then donald trump would never be allowed to speak, right . cheers and applause never allowed to speak. Because, i mean, the only thing he studied is real estate and cheeseburgers. Thats it. It goes bun, patty, cheese, lettuce tomato. You can ask for the tomatoes to be removed. A lot of people dont know that, folks. Layered issue. Layered issue. But maybe the most disturbing attack on the survivors of the shooting isnt about their age or their expertise. Its the claim that they were never involved in a shooting at all. Social media is being inundated with conspiracy theories, claiming some of the grieving students fighting for gun control are actually hired actors. Some posts like this one, being shared more than 100,000 times. Trevor you know, i honestly still cant believe that this conspiracy is even a thing. Aside from Everything Else and how disgusting it is, have you ever met an actor . Huh . You think these kids are actors in a secret world . No actor would be able to participate in a secret conspiracy. Like, if they played diarrhea guy number 3 in a commercial, thats how they introduce themselves at every single party. Theyll be like, nice to meet you. You probably know me from my work. Yeah, thats me. Thats me. Thats me. laughter heres what i find fun bethis whole debate. Most of the arguments boil down to one idea teenagers are too young, too emotional, too inexperienced to talk about guns. Yeah. But as soon as they turn 18, they can own as many of those bad boys as they want. And i guess in a way, this is how you know these students are having an effect. Youve never seen gun advocates so desperate that theyd start attacking the victims of a mass shooting. And thats the power of these teenagers. Which is why the n. R. A. Has decided to shift the conversation with some inspirational teenagers of their pone hey, there, fellow teens. My name is adrian. Im 16 im olivia. Whassup . Whats up, yall. My name is jamal. I love the kardashians and Spongebob Square pants. I think all of us teens should have the right to own guns and take mad selfies my gun is my b. F. F. No one likes senseless killing, but whats even more whack is letting Big Government confiscate our guns take it from us three teenaged people. The only thing that stops a good guy with a gun is a cool dude with a gun. Or a dudeet. Or a nonthreatening black guy. laughter . Paid for by the n. R. A. The a stands for awesome. Trevor well be right back. cheers and applause hold together. A little to the left. 1, 2, 3, push easy easy easy horn honking alright alright weve all got places to go weve all got places to go Washington Crossing the delaware turnpike . Surprising. Whats not surprising . How much money sean saved by switching to geico. Big man with a horn. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. Show me the olympic winter games like ive never seen before. Xfinity x1, yeah, i always know the scor. Triple corks in 4k. Lookin so sick. Stream live on every screen, every win, every trick. 2000 hours of coverage, get your mind blown. 50 olympic channels, yup, youre in the zone. And if theres something that you want to see, pick up that voice remote and just say show me. Experience nbcuniversals coverage of the olympic winter games like never before with xfinity. Proud partner of team usa. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. As we said, the parkland teenagers are committed to fighting gun violence. In fact, they are so committed, that yesterday, they did something no rational person would do they took a bus to tallahassee. laughter i know, crazy. But it was for a good reason. They were lobbying the Florida House of representatives for a ban on assault weapons. And because its florida, you can guess how that went. As the students arrived at the florida capitol, the Florida Legislature showed just how tough changing those laws is going to be, voting to not even take up debate on an assault weapons ban. 36 yeas, 71 nays, mr. Speaker. The notion is not adopted. Trevor shame. Are you serious . These kids drove all the way to tallahassee, and you wont even debate gun control. Maybe its just me, but where im from, when someone comes to your house asking for help, you dont turn them away. You do the right thing. You turn off the lights and pretend youre not home, okay . Yeah. laughter its called an african hello. laughter seriously, thats pretty shitty what they did. But dont get angry. Dont get angry. Youre going to need that anger for when you find out what they did pass less than an hour later. Pornography is being declared as a health risk at least it is here in the state of florida. The stase house of representatives approved a resolution for this yesterday. The goal, they say, is to protect floridians, especially teenagers, from any type of adult content. Trevor wow, guys, porn control instead of gun control. Yeah, i think you guys are worried about the wrong kind of mass shooting. laughter applause and, listen, i know its easy for politicians to go after porn. It doesnt have the power the gun lobby does. Like theres no n. R. A. For porn going, you can take my porn when you pry it from my warm, lotionfilled hands. But still, come ohave some common sense. Your state is reeling from a shooting. Now is not the time to debate adult films. In fact, just ask Florida State representative Carlos Guillermo smith. He was furious that the house was choosing to focus on protecting kids from porn instead of from guns. Im curious as to the prioritization of this bill and how urgent of an issue this is. Has anyone ever been physically handicapped, like, for example, confined to a wheelchair and unable to work as a result of porn being such a Major Health Risk . Trevor okay, i hear what hes saying, but i mean, if the porn is good then, maybe you will end up in a wheelchair. laughter i mean, heres me after i got broadband. Thats all im saying. laughter its just but im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry, representative. I was rude. I was rude. What were you saying . Has any First Responder ever needed to seek counseling for p. T. S. D. Posttraumatic stress disorder as a result of maybe their addiction to pornography . Trevor again, im on your side, but have you seen 2 girls 1 cup . You want to talk about p. T. S. D. . I still cant look at frozen yogurt without getting a hardon. laughter but, still, despite all reasons, despite all reasons, the day ended with the Florida House basically saying that it thinks guns are safer than sex on camera. And you could choose to be mad about that, but i prefer to be excited about how this new thinking will change porn in florida. doorbell rings did somebody here order a big, hard gun . It couldnt have been me. Im already packin. Oh, yeah. Trevor welcome to the new world. Well be right back. cheers and applause this is lynchburg, tennessee. This is how many people were born here. This many are fifth generation. This is how many are named hiawatha kitty mcgee. He keeps the town dry. Theyd prefer it a little wet. This many are proud of what we make here. This is how many will go around bragging about it. This is our town. If you cant get here, just look for one of our postcards. We send them all over. They look like this. Look we send them all over. Its the bud knight. Its the bud knight were saved yes. Dilly dilly time to do what must be done. bell sounds on Automatic Door i did it heres to the friends you can always count on. Everyone has a thing. That binge watch over the weekend thing. More checking in. Or checking out things. No no no no no no no. That tripledouble thing. Doing it yourself or tagging a friend thing. More revolutions in the making thing. That play like a girl thing. That fourlegged friends thing. At t gives you more for your thing. More entertainment, internet, and unlimited plans. More for your thing. Yeah, thats our thing. [i feel you by depeche mode playing] you understand i want whats best for you . Im gonna check it over here. In here. Now starting at 199 c puppy barks you can do it duck. Hurry up duck you can do it duck. Iams. Helps keep your dog healthy at every stage. So you can always look forward to whats next. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is a grammy Award Winning rapper, actor, as well as host and executive producer of mtvs fear factor season from hell. Today you guys are going to experience your own personal hell, and today, more than ever, youre going to have to count on your best friends. Because every single challenge will involve trying to free yourself. Oh bleep ive never been shackled in handcuffs before in my life. Just that lack of control, scary as bleep . So, as you can see, were standing in the haunted house. This is that building in the neighborhood that no kid ever wanted towards, right, because there were always stories about it. Well, today, you guys are going to be trapped in here and you must find a way to get out. I call this challenge, find it. Trevor please welcome ludacris cheers and applause trevor welcome to the show. Thanks for having me. What a live studio audience you have here. cheers and applause trevor oh, yeah, these are real people. These are real people. By the way, i dont even know if they know happy belated birthday, my man. Trevor thank you so much. Thank you so much. What did you do to celebrate . Trevor what did i do to celebrate . Or have you celebrated yet . Trevor no, i dont do anything. I just get older. Were going to have to throw you a Surprise Party after this. Well figure it out. cheers and applause it wont be fear factor style. Not fear factor. Trevor i hope its not fear factor, because this is one of those shows every time i watch i go, yeah, i could do that. And thoan im like, no, i couldnt do that. I couldnt do most of those things. Fear factor is back and back way bang with the highest ratings weve ever seen. Youre come in as executive producer and youre hosting the show as well. This is season from hell. What does that mean . That means we do our homework. We find out exactly what people are most afraid of individually, and then we kind of cater that to them. Its their own personal hell. And thats what its all about. Trevor why would do you this . laughter well, you just said it for ratings. You know something about ratings. You know a Little Something about that. Trevor do you think people ever get i dont get why anybody would want to do it beyond the prizes. Why would you want to do it . The whole moral of the story is to overcome your fears. Thats what life is supposed to be all about. You have to attack your fears head on. I always say, why tiptoe through life to arrive safely at death. Trevor powerful. Thats powerful. You should run through life and die early. Yeah run through life and die early maybe somewhere in between. Trevor somewhere in between. Jog through life, and get somewhere, and then die. I like this. Were working this out exactly. Trevor like, when you are making the show, i always watch fear factor, and then there will be stunts people can do. In this iteration of fear factor, it feels like theres been a millennial bend to it. You had people climb a skyscraper to rescue their cell phone . Absolutely, because we know millennials are most afraid of losing their of cell phones. Trevor have people not heard of insurance . If they were to lose their phone, they wouldnt know how to call their own mam aman. And you know that. You have to be very particular for these individuals. Trevor you always seem like youre always composed on the show. Youre always chill and telling people what to do. Because i dont have to do this stuff. Trevor thats what i wanted to know. I always wanted to know what is the thing ludacris couldnt do. Are you a heights person or a creepy crawley person . Whats the thing that really scares you . Sea creature creatures and shart that im out in the middle of nowhere what are you most afraid of . Trevor what am i most afraid of . Starving . Im most afraid of being hungry. Thats my greatest fear. When i watch fear factor heres the funny thing, a lot of times you make people eat, are things we as africans eat generally. And people think this is crazy. Theyll be like, oh, there was one where there was a type of worm that we eat in south africa. And they were like, youre going to eat them . And everyone was like, eeew. And i was like, i need to order some food. Believe it or not we did a study on what most people are the most scared of. And you would never believe what it is, just generally speaking what people are most afraid of. What can you guess . Trevor i would think its probably public speaking. Another no, the answer is birds. People are most afraid of birds. Trevor what do you mean birds . Birds, like if a bird is flying and comes near you is about to attack you. Trevor people are afraid of crazy birds. Why is a bird flying to you . Birds in general. Trevor thats not just birds in general. Thats a crazy bird. Birds flying to you. Youre not afraid of that . Were not talking about people who live in new york city. You all have crazy birds flying near you all the time. Were talking about everywhere else. Trevor lets talk about luda and the career. Hitting milestones. I was shocked to find out this year you will be celebrating 20 years since your first album came out. Youre make meeg feel old. 20 years. Trevor i feel old. In two years. In 2020 my first album came out in 2000 trevor oh, in 2020 it will be 20 years . Yes, well celebrate 20 years. Trevor youre getting back into music right . 100 . I gotta get back into music. I miss myself. Trevor the last i saw of you, luda was gone fair if bid bit, and i saw you were acting and i was in atlanta, a place like beer chicken beer. The restaurant. Trevor i thought it was a joke. They were like, chicken beer brought to you by lewduous crus in the airport. I was like thats not real. Its 100 real. Heres the thing my third album was called chicken beer. To see it come from an album to a restaurant in the Busiest Airport in the world is amazing to me. Thats beautiful. applause . Trevor big change, 20 years. Fear factor coming back again. It will premiere february 25 at 7 00 p. M. On mtv. Ludacris, everybody cheers and applause