That only works in imaginationland. Youre grounded aw, shit. Captioning by captionmax www. Captionmax. Com from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody thank you so much for tuning in thank you for coming out thank you so much for coming out im trevor noah. Our guest tonight is a professional gamer and an internet superstar. He has now come out with something called a book. Tyler ninja blevins is joining us on the show, everybody cheers and applause bona fide superstar. Also on toots episode, sugar daddies are going to school, Bernie Sanders beats a heart attack, and donald trump is getting impeached yeah whoo thats right yeah, make noise for congressional procedures laughter lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with some great news. 2020 hopeful Bernie Sanders says hes feeling good after heart surgery. The have the senator canceling several Campaign Events after the treatment for a blocked artery. Sanders is using the opportunity to push his Healthcare Plan tweeting, none of us know when a medical emergency might affect us, and no one should fear going bankrupt if it occurs. Medicare for all. Trevor bernie cheers and applause bernie oh, man i am so happy and im so glad that bernie is still, like, in the mix. This is what i love about him hes consistent most people wouldnt think about other people and their policies in a crisis, but bernie uses it as an opportunity to reinforce his beliefs. The dude has a heart procedure and his first statement is this is why America Needs healthcare if bernie was kidnapped by the joker, he would be, like, this is why we need better healthcare in gotham these psychopathic clowns, they need our help laughter bernie needed a procedure to unclog an artery in his heart and looks like hes recovering well. Im really excited. I thought it was really sweet many of his president ial candidate opponents sent him well wishes. Whats sweeter is when bernie received the wishes he equally redistributed them amongst people in the hospital. You get the one from kamala, you get the one laughter it must be hard to operate on bernie. No one thinks about that because he solidly believes what he believes. I bet he woke up in surgery and said why does the doctor make so much more than the nurse . They work just hard pull the plug dont try to silence me laughter were happy bernie is getting better. Do you know who i blame for this happening in the first place . Iowa. Stop making candidates eat that shit no more fried hot dogs. From now on, only fried salads. In other news, facebook, how we keep up with racist friends and how we rsvp for parties well never attend. Now the f. B. I. Has found a new use for it. The f. B. I. Is now running facebook ads targeting russian spice. The goal is to convince the spice to switch allegiances and cooperate with the u. S. Government. The f. B. I. Did not confirm details about the campaign but we can confirm theyre powered by the bureaus verified Facebook Page and publicly viewable. Trevor yes, you heard it right facebook is targeting russian spice who live in america with ads hoping to get them to defect. And that should tell you how powerful facebook ads are. Like if a spy cant resist them, what chance do you have, like, resisting those unpocket shirts ive got to buy one laughter and i will say, it must be terrifying for a secret agent to see an ad targeted youre trying to be secret and the ad pops up and hes, like, russian accent how did they know . Sergey, the umbrella, i told you, the next day, it will show up on instagram they are listening to us, you hear . laughter i guess its obvious, but i never likely thought about russian spice having social media just like the rest of us, because when you think about it, its bad enough when your mom posts an embarrassing comment on your photos, but for a spy that shit can get you killed. Can you imagine some russian mom is, like, hey, vlad, how is being a secret spy in america . Are you eating enough . laughter all right, and finally, in education news, Everybody Knows that teachers in america dont get the appreciation or the pay that they deserve, but now some teachers are going online to find people who do appreciate them. A lot of teachers have to take second or third jobs to make ends meet but now we are learning more and more resorting to sugar daddy web sites to seek an arrangement to pay the bills. The site allows women to set up mutually benefit relationships often with older men who are willing to pay for companionship. Secret arrangement says they have more than 10,000 teachers on their site. Trevor yep, thats right. Teachers in america are paid so poorly that some of them are turning to sugar daddies to make ends meet. And im sorry, thats embarrassing news for america. All right. Its also bad news for sugar daddies. Yeah, because theres no romance, this is not what theyre going to do with the teachers. The sugar daddy will be, like, hey, baby, i got us tickets to paris for the weekend. She wouldbe, like, great, but i just wanted 36 boxes of crayons. Can you help me with that . laughter i hope the students use this to guilt students into working harder. You didnt do your math homework . Do you know how much 80yearold dick that calculator costs . You should be doing your shit, young man all right, thats it for the headlines, lets move on to our top story cheers and applause impeachment, its the thank you next of politics. And today was yet another day of mainly development in the unfolding ukraine scandal. So lets catch up on all the latest news in our ongoing segment the fantastic, absolutely tremendous road to impeachment. cheers and applause no other president should ever have to go through president ial harassment cheers and applause trevor things went into another gear on capitol hill today as Congress Heard from the first witness in its impeachment inquiry, kurt volcker, the former envoy to ukraine who resigned last week after it came out that he had been texting with trump lawyer and haunted egg rudy giuliani. Now, volckers testimony took place behind closed doors so we dont know exactly what he said. But while he was talking in private, donald trump was letting loose on the white house lawn. This is just breaking, President Trump leaving the white house, calling on two different foreign governments to investigate his political rival joe biden. So i would say that president zelensky, if it were me, i would recommend they start an investigation into the bidens. China should start an investigation into the bidens, because what happened in china is just about as bad as what happened with with ukraine. Trevor this guy is unbelievable. laughter hes already facing impeachment for asking ukraine to investigate joe biden, and now hes, like, you know what, china . Get on it, too, you jump in as well laughter trump may be the only person on earth who thinks two wrong do make a right. Hes probably in his mind, yeah, it makes sense, don, jr. And eric cancel things out, that means i only have ivanka. Works, people. Totally works. laughter now as the scandal develops, more and more people in trumps orbit are getting sucked in. First trumps personal lawyer, then his secretary of state. I wouldnt be shocked if next week we find out sea sean spices a part of this. Be, like, yeah hes been sending secret messages to ukraine on dancing with the stars. Because thats not dancing, we can all agree. Thats full body morse code, thats what that is. laughter but now yet another member of the trump cabinet is getting pulled into ukrainegate. This morning the Washington Post reporting President Trump repeatedly enlisted Vice President mike pence to join in his Pressure Campaign on ukraine. The president ordering pence to skip the inauguration of zelensky. White house Officials Say pence likely would have received detailed notes of the president s call with zelensky in his Daily Briefing on july 6. If the president knew about that that not only taint him but makes him ineligible as well for the presidency. Trevor so mike pence likely knew about the phone call, had access to the transcript, and personally told zelensky he wasnt getting his military aid. I bet mother considers it cheating. Im not shocked pence was involved because he does whatever pence tells him, right . Trump is homer simpson, right, and he basically picked ned flanders as his v. P. If trump says jump into that volcano, pence would be like oakley dockley, sir, ill do it. laughter mike pence doesnt deny he got tough with ukraine. He claims it was all totally innocent. Questions swirling about what pence knew and when. Officials close to pepsi say he was unaware the president pressured zelensky for damaging information on i political rival joe biden. His aides insist he was in the dark. Trevor i wont lie. This is a weird excuse. Pence said he was pressuring ukraine but didnt know it had anything to do with joe biden. That doesnt make sense. Why was he pressuring him, didnt he why . That would be like a mob enforcer not knowing what hes enforcing. I dont think you understand, tommy, my boss wants me to do the thing. What do you want me to do . I dont know i just show up and do this with my hands and people do a thing. I dont know what it is laughter mike pence seems to say he was blissfully unaware of what trump was up to. But seems like this is his excuse for a lot of things that happen in this white house. Seven people close to the Vice President tell cnn pence was unaware flynn spoke to the Russian Ambassador about sanctions. He was unaware of flynns ties to turkey. This is the first i heard of it. Pence wasnt aware of communications with wikileaks. He was unaware of this controversial meeting. I was i learn as i awoke this morning of those developments. Trevor , i awoke like this. When theres a trump scandal, mike pence doesnt know whats going on. Hes like every mom watch ago movie. Is that the bad guy . No, mom, thats the pixar lamp. It hasnt started yet. Why did he kill the guy . The movie hasnt started my mom used to do that. We would be watching a movie. We would just get started. You know how somebody gets killed in the beginning and my mom says, trevor, why did they kill him . I would say, i dont know, mom, were watching it together. Ill tell you at the end. laughter the way he tells it, mike pence doesnt know about anything of the bad things happening in the trump administration, which is most of the things happening. And i mean, if thats true, thats actually not good for america because you realize if trump gets kicked out, pence becomes president , but clearly he has no idea whats going on. Which means hes just going to be at the state of the union, like, my fellow americans, the state of the union is uh like this . You know, the thing. Well be right back. cheers and applause you dont let a cold ruin your day. You take dayquil severe liquicaps and crush it. Dayquil severe. The daytime, coughing, aching, stuffyhead, fever, sore throat, power through your day, medicine. Why do wrinkles happen at the worst times . Showing up here. Here and even here . With new bounce rapid touch up spray, you can fight wrinkles anywhere. Spray smooth and youre fresh and ready to go wherever you are. New bounce rapid touch up spray. Bounce out wrinkles anywhere. When you think about the best times. You werent bothered some people didnt know the rules. Or upset the weather chose today to not cooperate. You werent concerned your seat ended up being an exercise bike. And you clearly werent stressed about the clean up afterwards. Because when youve got the good stuff. You can focus on the stuff that really matters tostitos. Get to the good stuff. Of hersheys milkf whole chocolate with almonds. Dont believe us . See back for details. Amazing. Welcome to the daily show, everybody. Thanks for coming out. Thanks very much for being here. cheers and applause if you have been keeping up with the news, youve probably seen this story coming out of texas thats blown up, andeth been taking place for a while. Its been the trial of the Police Officer amber geiger. Any of you saw that . All right, the Police Officer who said she accidentally walked into a mans apartment in her building and then she thought that he was th the intruder ande shot him dead. When this happened, it was a wild story because it was already crazy. You walk into a wrong apartment, shot the person, what were you doing . So the trial has been going on. The first thing haves weird for me was the judge allowed the defense to use what they called the Castle Doctrine in america, so they would allow the defense that she was protecting herself because she thought it was her house, which already was weird to me. The Castle Doctrine is a very strict one in america, but i get it fundamentally. If youre in your house, you can do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. But its, no, you thought it was your house and shot someone but its not your house because then you can think youre in your house anywhere. So it was weird. I honestly was worried this was going to be another one of the cases in america where just didnt get served because it seemed a fairly black and white, excuse the pun, case. And then the verdict was handed down and the jury did find her guilty. But what has followed sense has been a really interesting story. We actually have a clip. Its a really complicated story, but this is basically what went down. The white former dallas Police Officer convected of murdering her black neighbor has learned her fate. Yesterday, arm beer gigger amber guyger was sentenced to ten years. 18yearold jean forgave guyger for killing his older brother botham. At the end, he gave her a bible and embraced her as well. She will be eligible for parole in five years. Some thought outside the courtroom the sentence was too lenient. Trevor thats basically the story as it stands and its interesting because, like, i sat with this story and talked to my friends about it and its so funny how many you know, how many complicated feelings there are in and around it. First and foremost, a thousand kudos and just, like, honestly i admire the compassion of the jean family. At the same time, though, i understood why so many people were angered by that moment because this thing has really blown up online. People saying they were angry she was getting hugs from the judge and angry that she was getting hugs from the family, and some people it was like a lot of people fighting about this now and they were, like, she murdered a man, why is she getting hugs . Yes, but theyre forgiving her. She goes to jail but theres forgiveness. I have conflicted feelings, but i think i understand what is happening in so many different ways with how people are looking at the story. On the one hand, you cant deny that people feel like ten years, five, actually, is not a lot of time to be given for taking another human beings life, especially if youre found guilty of murder. Theres people in jail in america for doing far lesser crimes, you know, whether they have been charged with, like, Drug Trafficking where they just had a certain amount of drugs and assumed to be drug traffickers, or where people said it was Violent Crimes and it was assault, but theyre spending more time in jail, and it seems like another case of the system preferring people look like a certain way and fit a certain narrative. I get it, white women tears doing their magic. The myth, white women tears, anything, traffic stops. White women cries and people are, like, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. laughter its true. Its a joke but its true at the same time. Its, like, white women throughout history have been good at stepping away from the thing with their tears. You know, it will be like everyone looks at the clan, everyone forgets its wives of the clan. People are, like, its the clan. And the wives would be, like, i didnt know my husband but its, like, you helped him put the sleet on every night. I just thought he liked halloween, im sorry thats what a lot of people feel like in these instances, they feel like the white tears are really felt, whereas the tears of people of different races and other genders arent felt as much, and i think, you know, that, like, all of it stems from the conversations in and around race in america. You cant avoid it. People are looking at a story of a white woman who shot a black man in his house who did nothing, who was just in his house, and people were angry and i understand why so many people were angry because theyre, like, she doesnt deserve hugs. She deserves to lose her life the way she took a lifetime im not speaking for everybody. I know maybe im speaking for some of my friends and myself, but i feel like the anger actually comes from people feeling like that is the level of empathy everybody should receive in a court, you know . Everybody should have a judge look at them like a human being. Everybody in society should be treated with a level of compassion. They should still be punished if theyve committed a crime, but we should still look at them as human beings and, yet, this narrative doesnt seem to be afforded to black people in america especially by the news, because if you look at all the news stories about this, they paint it, like, its a beautiful moment where shes hugged by everyone. They dont use the same editorial when a young black child is going to jail. They dont go this young black man who was recruited into a gang and had no other choices theyre just, like, he was sentenced and found guilty and thats the story, as if thats whats expected. It almost feels like if youre a black person and commits a crime and goes to jail, thats what black people. Do but if youre a white person and commits a crime and goes to jail, its, oh, what a disaster story. They tell you about the human behind the act. This story shows you exactly the opposite example. This black young man was doing his own thing, got shot. They told you he had a history with weed. The news told you. Why . He was stopped in a traffic stop. He did have a case. What does that have to do with it . The cop traveling through time to punish him . People have to understand some of the narratives about what we tell and share about whats happening in the world is so much more powerful than what we they they are. You think its just on the surface but people are seeing the reinforcing of an idea, but i think the mistake we shouldnt make as people is we shouldnt necessarily jump to we want people like i can amber guigero spend more and the most time in jail, we should be asking for compassion and say i dont want anyone to spend excessive amounts of time in jail, and, so the same way a white shooter is disarmed peacefully, the same way a white murderer can get a hug in a courtroom and sympathy, the same way a young shooter is spoken about as a human being because he is white, you would hope that same level of compassion and empathy would be applied to black people. Thats all it is. applause [ song johnny cash, these are my people. ] these are my people these are the ones who will reach for the stars these are my people by the light of the earth, you can tell they are ours a new step to take and a new day will break yes, these are my people when i think of what my imagination looks like. [laughs] i mean, wow. The surface is a tool that helps me realize beautiful ideas. What does everyone wanttacos ht . You can call us crazy thats okay. Well get party packs delivered anyday. Taco bell party packs get your first delivery free on orders of twelve dollars or more. Only on grubhub [bell sound] trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is a professional gamer with more than 40 million followers across his platforms and a brandnew book called get good my ultimate guide to gaming. Please welcome tyler ninja blevins cheers and applause welcome to the daily show. Thank you, thank you for having me. Trevor this is so exciting having you on because you are truly the pioneer of elite Sports Gaming in terms of being a person who you brought it into the mainstream. Back in the day, people would be, like, gamers in the basement of your moms house and i was always offended i was in my moms basement. laughter trevor oh, you were. This has been a ride for you. Yeah. Trevor what did you do the first time someone paid you . Did you think it was a trap . Fun fact my mom actually made my dad come with me to my first tournament in i think, like, columbus, ohio, it was major league gaming, and she thought it was a fake company of old people who lured kids to, like, molest them. laughter trevor i would think the same thing. If my kid said im going to get money to play video games, i would be, like, whos giving you this money . But it really has blown up. What i found interesting is how initially there was a lot of resistance. People are, like, why are you getting money for playing a video game . But people dont understand you put in hours as an athlete. How many hours do you play a day . Minimum eight hours. Imagine playing a stressful game of chess for eight hours at a high level, its stress. Its exhausting. Every day i did it eight years straight with minimal breaks. I would say maximum. Actually took the longest break was one week. Trevor we started to see that in the rise of ninja. Youve become bigger than gaming. Its become an idea, a brand. You work with adidas. You broke the record for the most subscribers on the streaming. Yep. Trevor in a week. Yep. Trevor and now youve got this book. applause thank you guys. Trevor this is interesting because when there were ninjas that got a book, i was, like, a book about what . Its gaming, you have a book about the buttons . But im not even joking, i read the book and as a gamer but just like someone whos interested in what you do, i found it fascinated how you break it down. This is, like, the business of gaming and its the business of the sport. Its, like, this is a manual which technically doesnt exist. Is that why you wrote it . I really just wanted to give back. I have been streaming for a long time and every day i get asked questions. You know, tyler, ninja, what settings do you use . Whats the best keyboard, head set, how do i get better, more viewers . I was tired ofensing the questions, so i wrote a book. Trevor right. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Trevor get good is available now. You can watch him on mixer. Com ninja. Well be right back, everyone. cheers and applause oh baby. Cmom and say it now. Just let the words come out. Give me your love. No calories. No sweeteners. All smiles™. Bubly sparkling water. Crack a smile™. The final horn doesnt have to mbecause with Nhl Center Ice on xfinity you get up to 40 outofmarket games per week. And with the allnew xfinity sports zone, you get everything nhl all in one place, even notifications about your favorite teams. Watch every barn burner, barreling check, and all the top shelf action. Plus get instant access to your teams with the power of your voice. Thats simple, easy, awesome. Say Nhl Center Ice into your voice remote to check out a free preview. Dont miss out. This. Watch. Tells. Time and takes phone calls. And communicates with satellites thousands of miles above the earth and tracks your distance underwater and tracks your activity and tells you which direction youre going and has an app that measures the electrical waves traveling through your heart otherwise known as an electrocardiogram. So just to reiterate this. Watch. Tells. Time among other things . Boo ahh laughing awkward laughter laughter fading im sorry for what i did to your face. All good. Have a break wrapper rustling, snap doorbell chime have a break. Have a kit kat. What does everyone wanttacos ht . You can call us crazy thats okay. Well get party packs delivered anyday. Taco bell party packs get your first delivery free on orders of twelve dollars or more. Only on grubhub [bell sound] trevor all right, thats our show for tonight. Lights out with david spade is coming up next. But first, here it is. Your moment of zen. We know that whistleblower is a former c. I. A. Agent detailed to the n. F. C. Who is probably back at the c. I. A. Who hates this president more than they love their country and the fact is they never had any firsthand account of what transpired. Cory. Yes . Did you have a little merlot with dinner . No, should i have . Im going down to south park gonna have myself a time both Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation im going down to south park gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night