Grief and purpose. The knock at the door. [inaudible conversations] all right. Welcome. I want to welcome everyone to the Doylestown Book shop. We, the entire staff, are all happy to have you here and its such an honor to host this event. My name is glenda chiles, im the owner of the book shop. Were so happy to be in a community that supports our local businesses as well as our local nonprofits and this is a special one today. So, its my honor to introduce you to the authors of this book. Well start with briryan manion she has supported our families of fallen heroes. Inspired by the character, leadership and sacrifice of her brother, First LieutenantTravis Manion who made the ultimate sacrifice in iraq on april 29th, 2007. Serving as the president of Travis Manion foundation since 2012, ryan leads a National Movement focused on assisting veterans and families of the fallen to take the next step in their personal journeys and inspiring the next generation of leaders. And in 2015, she received the president s Lifetime Achievement award for volunteer servi service. In 2016, ryan took an official appointment to serve on the remember and explore subcommittee and the honor subcommittee for the Advisory Committee at Arlington National cemetery. Ryan also served as a board member of the National Association of veterans serving organizations, as well as on the Advisory Board for the global war on terror memorial foundation. So, ryan resides right here in doylestown with her husband and three children where she continues to serve our community as a township supervisor since elected in 2011. [applaus [applause] Heather Kelly is a coauthor of this book as well. Shes the surviving spouse of marine lieutenant kelly who was killed in afghanistan on november 9th, 2010, as west Region Program manager of the Travis Manion foundation, heather works closely with veterans returning to civilian life, the surviving members of the family from the ultimate sacrifice and fostering the next generation of leaders. So ryan and heather will be in conversation today with derrick morgan. Derrick is the director of marketing for the Travis Manion foundation and the coowners of monkeys uncle store here in doylestown. Please join me in welcoming ryan, heather and derrick. [applaus [applause]. All right, welcome, everyone. So what well do this afternoon is, im going to ask ryan and heather, theyre going to read some of their favorite excerpts from the book, theyll elaborate on them a little bit more and well go through a few of those and well do some q a and then well lead into the actual book signing portion. And to open, you know, what i really want to do is, ryan, i think ill start with you. Obviously were here in doylestown. The knock at the door for you happened right here in this community, and your brother travis was so wellknown that this community really did feel that ripple effect. So with that, your family really made a decision on how to move forward and really honor travis. Do you mind elaborating on that a little bit more . Sure. There. Okay. Thank you for thank you all for coming out today. Truly appreciate it. And i was just telling glenda, heather and i are so excited to be here. Weve been in new york all week and were just so happy to just be with people. Weve been sitting in hotel rooms all week and its great to be in doylestown for this today. And yes, for those that are not familiar, i am the president of the Travis Manion foundation. Our organization was founded in 2007 after my brother, First LieutenantTravis Manion was killed in iraq and you know, ill tell you when i got the news that travis was killed, i was standing in front of coaches. I actually had i was actually about to open a store right there where now i think its the Holiday House grooming and i was standing there with the landlord about to sign the lease on my second location. I owned a Small Business in avalon, new jersey and my phone rang and it was my aunt on the other line telling me to come back to my parents house, so i drove five minutes down the road and learned that my brother had been killed. And it was on the day of travis funeral, my dad pulled my mom and my husband into their bedroom and he said, you know, from this day forward, we continue on making sure that we live to honor travis, that we continue his legacy of service, and we committed that day to do just that. And that was really the birth of the Travis Manion foundation and i say it all the time, weve become a National Veterans serving organization across the country, but the roots of our organization are from right here in this community. To this day when i travel across the country and they say where are you headquartered . I say doylestown, pennsylvania. We have eight regional offices across the country and operate with over 130,000 members. A staff of over 50 employees across the country, but the community here really played such a large part and still plays a tremendously large part in helping us to do the work that we do, to support veterans and families of the fallen. Perfect, thank you. So with that, what i want to do now is go into a little bit more of some ryan and heathers favorite excerpts of the book. Ryan, well start with you, if you wont mind reading that through. Sure, this is from our introduction, a little bit more about us talking about grief. None of us know how to do grief right and none of us believe theres only one way to do it. We know how to do it wrong though because weve all erred at various points. Weve lashed out at loved ones and checked out of daily life. Weve drunk and selfmedicated heavily, slept too much and exercised and eaten too little. Weve known anger and depression. Weve abandoned friendships and selfcare. You name the tragic flaw or unhealthy coping mechanism and weve all done it at one time or another, but weve grown, too. We found forgiveness, healing, and peace. Weve realized just how much fight there is left in us and how much opportunity has been afforded us. Weve been challenged to embrace those moments of opportunity and we fully expect to continue to learn. Our individual journeys dont always look the same and they wont look like yours. But despite our differences, we have learned one universal truth that applies to each of us. Every human will struggle in this life. Our challenge is to struggle well because after all, struggle is the anticedent of growth. And its only when we ultimately find the strength to grow from those moments. This is a fact of human existence and true at a molecular level as it is with the celestial one. Our muscles dont grow unless we damage our muscle fibers by exercising them strenuously. Only when those fibers have broken down can our body go through the natural process of repair and strengthening. Perfect, thank you. [applause] i actually went a little too long. I had a stop point and i didnt stop at it. So. [laughter] shes a boss. I cant tell her what to do. In that section with what you detail, it really does not speak directly to anything related to the military or a loss as goldstar family members. It really sounds more something that anyone can relate to in different types of a knock at the door that they may experience. Can you talk about that . Sure, so heather, amy and i, our coauthor amy is not with us today. Shes been with us all week, but she has her first child eight weeks old. Took that baby grace up to new york with us all week and we so we gave her the day off today. We said, we actually gave her the weekend off, i should say, but you know, heather, amy and i all lost our loved ones in service to this country and while we obviously felt that it was important to share our stories and brendan and rob and travis story, more than that, we wrote this book because each and every one of us is going to get a knock on the door. That knock can come on many different forms, it can come from the death of a loved one. It can come from divorce, it can come from heartache, it can come from a cancer diagnosis, and you know, what we talk about a lot in the book is not so much about what happens when that knock comes, but how you respond when you get it and so, we talk a lot about through that process and im very upfront to say that it took me 12 years to be able to put pen to paper and share my thoughts on all of this. If you would have asked me five years ago to write this book, it would have been a very different story and probably not terribly uplifting, but i think weve all come to find that were in a place now where and we also very much say were not selfhelp experts, so but we also feel we do have some pretty good professional experience in grief and loss and how you move forward. You know, weve kind of put our tricks and tips and what worked for us and what didnt work for us into this book. And it really is, its for anyone. This book is for anyone, not only who has gotten a knock at the door, but also for those who havent. Because we always say for those who havent gotten a knock on the door yet, you know, be the best version of yourself today. Thats great. Thank you. Heather, i want to ask you to read your first excerpt and ill kind of preface is by, ryan, i think, did a tremendous job of kind of setting the table for what her knock at the door was like and heathers first excerpt, shes going to explain how her experience was with that. Yeah. Turned it off. Oh, no, youre on. Okay. Can you guys hear me . Yeah . Hi, so like derrick said, this is kind of the story of how my knock started. Tuesday november 9th, 2010. My knock at the door came at 3 a. M. I was in a deep sleep and when i first heard the rap at the front door, it felt far away. So i didnt i was still coming out of a dra drowsy haze, i didnt know what it was. I thought it was part of a dream. The sound was real coming from my own front door. Obviously i wasnt expecting company at that hour so i hesitated before answering. I got to the door and looked through the peephole to see three sharply dressed marines standing together. Immediately had a sinking feeling in my gut. My husband rob had deployed to afghanistan six weeks earlier, with our third deployment together and i knew the appearance of marines in uniform at your home was rarely a good thing. Then i remembered something i had heard in a meeting i attended for spouses of deployed Service Members and gave me some hope. If you received a notification that Family Readiness officer instructed shortly before rob left, two to three marines would come to your house no earlier than 8 00 in the morning and i rer sitting at military families at the meeting, learning important things wed need to know the seven months. A strict protocol when families are notified of a loved ones death. And remembering the readiness officers called me. If this were bad news about rob, it wouldnt come for five hours. I wondered how long they had been standing outside trying to get my attention. After concluding about that was nothing about rob, i thought they would ask about another family. I knew they were bringing bad news for someone. I had been half a sleep a moment ago, but wide awake now. One of the marines served as notification and when he began the scripted speech telling me my husband, rob kelly was dead, on behalf of the president of the united states, the rest was a blur and my head fell into my hands and i shut down. I heard the remainder of the script and like it was underwater. Something about the honor of the duty, he had sustained injuries from an ied blast and lost a leg and extended deepest sympathies and silence. When he finished reading the speech the officer looked up at stared at me, and i imagine waiting for a storm to erupt. I saw their gaze on me, im not sure what they thought of my reaction or rather, lack of reaction, there was nothing on the surface to observe for me, i was in total shock. I didnt offer any bellowing screams or ago niced cries or torn up yes for them to feel. I think we would have preferred if i had. I sat dumbfounded staring straight ahead all that was a deep quiet sadness that made me feel empty. The news of robs dead didnt seem real, made me feel hollow. And unlike other people, i didnt feel it was a mistake and that notification wasnt meant for me. I knew they wouldnt screw up. There was nothing to be said so i said nothing. [applaus [applause] thank you. Thank you for that, heather. You mentioned in there that your knock came at 3 a. M. Can you talk a little bit more about why that time . Why it happened specifically at that time . Yeah, so like i mentioned in the book, it was very out of the ordinary that they came to my home at 3 a. M. At the time when my husband was serving overseas my fatherinlaw was also an active duty marine and they knew when they went into work he would have found out the news immediately and sign onto his computer and see the list of casualties. He was very dialed into that. So i was notified i was living in california at the time and i still do. So i was notified at the exact same time he was. So one of his best friends that he went all through training with in the marine corps went to his door at 6 a. M. And notified him and so the marines also came to me at 3 00 in the morning. So we would both find out at the same time. And we were able to communicate immediately, but so that was the reasoning behind my unusual notification time and why it did know the go not go along with what i had been told it would be like. Great thank you. Ryan, were going to come back to you, and have you read your second excerpt, if you dont mind. Okay. These are this is from the third paragraph called a few months out, my drug of choice. Second and i had take aways at the end of the chapter. The first take away was, second, embrace your support system. Relationships are everything. Family, friends, and loved ones can get us through the darkest and saddest moments. We just need to let them. Our friends and family feed our wild ambitions and nourish our illconceived dreams. When we share with them embarrassing fantasy well beyond our reach they say go for it. If youre lucky enough to have family and friends like mine, they say im in, they gently and lovingly protect us from our own destructive habits and lift us up literally when we cant go enough step and they cheer us on when we look like frankenstein. With a loving support system we can afford to be a little naive, be bored, be fearless, but dont do it alone. Youre only one person, i a lou yourself to be carried forward by those who love you. And finally, dont wait i had no idea how tough i was. Why did i wait until my brother was dead to find out. My only regret running the marathon in 2007 was that wasnt in 2006. You know who would have loved running with me, travis. Something with focus and discipline was far more up his alley than mine. He would have been so proud and we could have done together. Im not the same woman he knew when he was alive. Im better, stronger. Why did i wait for him to disappear before i became the woman i wanted to be. Thank you. [applaus [applause] in that excerpt, you talk about youre better and stronger than the woman that travis knew. What he is your thoughts if travis were here today. What would he think about what youve done and the person that you are now today . Well, i always say as it pertains to the Travis Manion foundation, i say, you know, he would be right beside all of us, with the organization. Hed be right in the mix. I also am very clear to say that the one thing he would hate is that we named it the Travis Manion foundation. And that was actually something we recognized, but it was like a few years ago and my dad said, gosh, i just feel like travis wouldnt like we named it after him. Maybe we ought to change the name. And i said, were already committed. We cant change it now. And in the chapter i talked about how i decided to run along with about a hundred of our family and friends, in 2007 we decided to run the Marine Corps Marathon because travis signed up for it that year and one of the things i say in the book is that travis didnt ask me to run the Marine Corps Marathon from iraq. He called my dad. He knew that wasnt something i was going to do. So it was a thing as soon as travis passed away, here i am saying, well, now im going to run a marathon and theres something to that where, you know, of course, i finished that marathon affeldt and i felt tremendously strong and proud, why did it take him leaving for me to say now im going to do it. And thats what an i battled with and wrote about in that chapter. But, you know, i think that he would be incredibly proud to be right here besides us and i know that he had transitioned out of the military, he would be doing everything he could to support his fellow veterans and those transitioning out as well. Great, thank you. Heather, were going to go back to you. The next excerpt that heather is going to read is from, it actually has a heading, your dream may be taken away from you tomorrow, but dream anyway. When my 17yearold self met charismatic rob kelly in florida in 2002, we dreamed of spending our lives together and occupied every part of our adult lives, as the years went on, the dream remained and it evolved and adjusted to our circumstances at any given time. We imagined our reunion after deployment. Imagined parties at our house, holidays with our families and we played the dreams out and wrung it dry and in 2010 i buried my fellow dreamer and left to dream alone. There was no mark on the road map. No part of the dream involved losing high husband my husband at a young age. Its like through a snowstorm, its scary and treacherous, but doable. You may not know what awaits you 15 or 50 miles down the road. If rod and i had known fate would separate us so early in our marriage, i dont think our dreams would have looked different. We still have had summer in tallahass tallahassee, still would have committed our lives to one another, anyones dreams can be ripped away in an instant and believe me, it hurts like hell. Im not going to pretend it doesnt, but dream anyway. The joyful anticipation those dreams bring you will far outweigh the absence leaves behind. After all, anticipation is half the fun. [applaus [applause]. Thank you for that, heather. You talk about dreaming anyway. Can you speak a little bit more about the process for you in your own personal journey and how you went about being able to dream again and look forward to things as you started to kind of take those first steps forward . Yeah, i think part of, kind of finding that anticipation in life again and things to look forward to was trying to find a way to find a purpose in having lost rob. You know, i dont know that theres ever something that you say it feels worth it to have lost rob, but finding a meaning behind it and what can i do to continue to move forward purposefully and part of that was the Travis Manion foundation, thats how i first crossed paths with my coauthors, ryan and amy and i met both of them at different stages of my grief journey throughout the years and finding what Travis Manion foundation did and a way to honor robs sacrifice and service and to continue service in my own way in his name was a huge part of that and being able to volunteer with the foundation for a few years was very early in my journey, very important to me. And i kind of talk about it in the book, but after volunteering for a while out in san diego, a Fulltime Position with the foundation opened up and when i interviewed for that job, you know, at the end and our west coast director at the time said we want to bring you on the team, congratulations. How soon can you start . I said ill go today and give two weeks notice at my job. He said okay and flips the calendar and two weeks from the days with a it something there in his office, i was there on a monday morning, two weeks ahead was november 9th, 2015. So, it was my first day was going to be the five Year Anniversary of losing rob. And in that moment when he said november 9th work for you . And i knew that rob had kind of sent me a Little Something special, that, you know, that was what helped kind of bring me to the other side and a huge part of that journey and taking on a career with the Travis Manion foundation helped me see ahead and see what that future could look like without him and i did an internal thank you and, yeah, today is that fourYear Anniversary five Year Anniversary of joining the foundation, nine years since we lost rob and, yeah. Beautiful, thank you. Heather. [applaus [applause] ryan, were going to ask you to read your third excerpt and this is from a section thats titled failure is a bruise, not a tattoo. Before travis died, i never bothered to think much about failure. Thats not because i was wildly successful at everything i tried my hand at, believe me, i failed at plenty of things. Rather, it was because i didnt care enough about anything to give it much effort. I was sometimes apathetic. Travis was ambitious, goaloriented and i was just coasting through life. After he died, and then my mom died, i had a major wakeup call. Now i feel compelled to take advantage of the time i have left on this earth to lead a life they can both be proud of. I want to do this not for my sake, but for theirs. After their deaths, goals, intention nourished me and i finding a mountain to climb. I would not let anything stop me from getting to the top. And then like all humans, i had failed. And i had never dealt with failure since i never permitted myself to deal with it before. Failure can make you feel disillusioned. The first few times i failed i was simply not prepared for the consequences. I had become so programmed how to forge ahead. I didnt know how to handle a roadblock. For a long time, i allowed my failures to define me and then a stage in the process, failure wasnt so scary anymore, when we recognize our lives are a series of successes and failures, were more likely to also handle difficulties when they arrive and they always do. Eventually despite the inevitable failures, we come to learn that our next success is never too far off in the distance. Distance. [applause] thank you. You talk about overcoming some of the challenges and the failures and the successes. Having, taking over leading the foundation, you had big shoes to fill from your mom and obviously with carrying on travis legacy going forward. For you, what really is your approach when it comes to just almost like that goal setting and saying, okay, this is what were going to do and this is how were going to do it and this is how were going to get there . How do you approach that knowing that you almost, in your own mind, kind of put yourself in a very high position that you feel like you have to succeed at everything . Sure. Well, you know, five years almost to the day after my brother was killed, my mom passed from cancer and at this point the Travis Manion foundation was was at a National Scale and i actually worked at the foundation at the time. I had come on a couple of years earlier. My position was executive director, but i actually just was janet manions assistant. I followed her, she led the charge. I never had to make any real decisions because she made the decisions. I was just, hey, whatever you need, mom, and i was just kind of filling in the gaps. After she passed away, it was two weeks later, our board met and they told me that i would now be the president of the Travis Manion foundation. And i felt a tremendous weight on my shoulders, one that i didnt fully comprehend until i got a little bit more into it. But here i was being tossed into, okay, youre in charge. Youve got close to 50 employees, youre running a multimillion dollar nonprofit. Oh, by the way, its named after your brother and oh, by the way, your mom started it, so dont fail. And that was really scary. And so i jokingly said, but i also seriously says the first thing i did was i went out and i hired some really talented people who i knew would not let the organization fail. And we brought in some great leadership to help us, but you know, i think that for me, the way ive worked through things is like, it was, it was this idea of like, i cant fail at this. And i cant let this, you know if i fail at this, i dont just fail myself, i fail a lot of people, including the legacy of my mom and my brother. And so i had to learn to not just look at setting goals in a way of, okay, next we have to do this. I had to be very intentional and i talk a lot in the book about intention and setting intentional goals and not just setting goals for sheer glory, but setting goals in a way to say this is how were going to do it and being very intentional about the thought behind it, why youre setting that goal and what the purpose of it is. And you know, as ive i guess, its been, gosh, almost seven years now, running this organization and you know, outside of that, its i also talk about the daily challenges of not just what i do at the Travis Manion foundation, but also being a wife and a mother and making sure that i dont let those responsibilities fall to the wayside. So its a bit of a balancing act. I dont know any other way to say it and is there a happy medium . Is there a fine balance that youre going to find . No. And thats why i talk a lot about this idea dont let these small things set you back too far. For a time in the beginning i was letting small failures. When i talk about failures in the book. Its small things, its failures we didnt get that grant i thought we were going to get and i would go into a place of, oh, my gosh, this organization is ending, they dont believe in our impact. Clearly were not doing what were supposed to do. And now its like, okay, that one didnt catch. The next one will. Its about changing your mindset and having a belief in knowing again, that youre going to fail today, but you have the opportunity to wake up tomorrow and succeed. Great. [applause] how to struggle well. How to struggle well, exactly. Heather, im going to ask you to read one last excerpt for us. This is from section thats titled. If you expect to see the good or expect to see the bad, you will. Theres a quote by henry ford that goes, if you think you can, or you think you cant, youre right. Perspective is everything, and so much of life is subject to becoming a self is subject to becoming a selffulfilling prophesy. I think the way we deal with grief works in much the same way. Not long ago i was perusing things for sale near a shop near carlsbad. There was a bar set consisted of two cocktail glasses one said yours, and one said mine and a matching pitcher that said ours. There was a time i would have considered the set sweet. This days i found it depression. I was feeling down and bits of my grief followed me everywhere i went. I turned the corner in the shot and as i did, the song that rob and i considered ours by jack johnson, i thought that was a way that reminded me reminders of our sadness are everywhere and the fact is reminders of happier times are everywhere sure and we can feel reassured by them and take them as gifts when we need them the most. Sometimes we have to be much more intentional about seeking out these little signs. [applaus [applause] thank you. In the book, you also speak a good deal about how you used humor. I was wondering if you could elaborate on that a little bit more. Yeah, so definitely one of my earliest coping mechanism after losing rob was kind of trying to find some dark humor in the situations that came after and my brotherinlaw, robs brother john, was kind of my partner in that. Its pretty surreal to be 26 years old and have lost your husband, and be sitting in a funeral home planning his funeral with his family. And my brotherinlaw tried to, you know, lighten the mood. He and i and he whispered to me you know what rob really would have wanted for his funeral . I said what . He would have wanted you to ride into arlington with an elephant. Just the most absurd thing you could possibly think of. I said youre right, he would have and it became our joke for that kind of first week and he reminded me, theres a simpsons episode when bart could win an elephant on the radio or money and he wanted the elephant and materialized and he gets indignant, where is my elephant. That was our folk between he and i. Where it my elephant, john, get that elephant here, but it sounded so absurd and ridiculous, but it was what kind of could take us out of that moment and still, you know, john and i reconnect and have a moment of lightness because you have to laugh, you cant i didnt want to cry every day. I couldnt cry every day. And so, that early humor was so important and kind of carried me through still. And you know, rob was really funny and sarcastic and always cracking jokes so i can see him in that still with humor being definitely one of my earliest ways to cope that i still use. Great, thank you. [applaus [applause]. So at this point wed like to open it up to some questions from the audience. If you could raise your hand, the girls would love to answer a few questions. Yes, go right ahead. Question, my husband drives to work and is this available on audio books . The audio book version is actually being recorded right now and we just picked our voices and that was actually a fun process, so, yes. So, they havent given us a final date, but, yes, audio version forth coming. Great for heather. When you got the news did you have any family members near where you were in california . At that time i was the only one right there outside of san diego. But my brotherinlaw john who i just mentioned is also an active duty marine and he was stationed about two hours away and as soon as the marines were at my door and the family members knew i needed to see john and he hopped in the car immediately and sat with me the first day before i flew to the east coast and talk about it in the book, but he helped me take care of all the Little Things and sat with me as we sat with that news. John was robs big brother and he was the closest one when i got the news. And just want to make a comment not so much a question, but on how not letting, thinking that people are gone forever, they are there, because when my mother passed away 10 years ago, i had spoken with her the last birthday, she died of lung cancer within two months and that day forward starting the next june, my parents anniversary was june 20th, they were married in 1959, and all the time i find that that day, i found a dime and a penny, the penny was 1959 and i find 11 cents. And my stepdaughter died from suicide october 13th and i was pumping gas and randomly stopp stopped, 13. And we at dinner the other night were talking about stuff like that, yeah. How is the foundation funded . Our foundation is funded through individual donors, corporations, and private philanthropic funds so were pretty evenly disbursed funding dreams. Private foundations and grants and everything. Do you want to talk about what the foundation does with the fund and the program . Sure, for those who are not familiar with the Travis Manion foundation, were a 501 c3 nonprofit. Our mission is to the families of the fallen and care of the next generation and really were a community of likeminded individuals compromised of veterans, military families and what we like to say, inspired civilians and we do everything like right now we are in the midst of operation legacy and have Service Projects happening across the country in the month of november, all of our Service Projects are named in honor of a Fallen Service member so well bring out thousands of people in month of november to do that. And one of our biggest initiatives is called character does matter and we actually train veterans to go into schools and deliver Character Education to our youth. So weve worked with over 300,000 kids across the country, ages 12 to 18, and you know, its all about this constant engagement for our veterans. We have programs happening each and every day in cities and states across the country for them. Making sure that they have an opportunity to continue to serve outside of uniform. Thank you. I had a question. Im going to get all emotional. I want to say thank you the three of you for giving me an extended family. Im not in amongst the people you know here today, but being an educator whos benefitted from a cdm, i now get to like you know, i collaborate with Charlie Ellison and inspired by suzie cook and i thank you for the family that youve given me as an inspired educator. Thank you. So im i thank you so much for the family that ive been given and youre all responsible for that and i talk to your dad at the northeast summit last year and got to thank him being in front of you right now, star struck. As an educator ive been trying hard with charlie to get my administrators on board for a clc in my middle school. Do you have any advice to, kind of turn the tide for getting administrators and local police officers, veterans, on board with teaching a clc . Let me go talk to them. Ill help you with your administrator, no problem. Im good at that. [laughter] yay. I will say as a im in san diego. An educator. And i think word of mouth has been so popular, if i can go to a middle school and say, you know, their fellow principal at whichever school weve been there and seen success and if they can talk, i think the proof is in how the students, the experience that they get and that word of mouth and the testimonial is key for sure. Any other questions, folks . Okay. At this point then what well do is im going to ask our authors to make their way back to the signing table and then christie is going to come up and give everyone here some directions on forming a line and how well go about getting their books signed. Nobody fight over each other. [laughter] thank you again, heather and ryan. Thank you so much. [applaus [applause] members of congress testify today before the house Small Business committee on the Paycheck Protection Program and other measures intended to provide Economic Relief to Small Businesses impacted by the coronavirus pandemic. Live coverage begins at 11 a. M. Eastern on cspan2. Cspan has round the clock coverage of the federal response to the coronavirus pandemic and its all available on demand at cspan. Org coronavirus. Watch white house briefings, updates from governors and state officials, track the spread throughout the u. S. And the world with interactive maps. Watch on demand, anytime, unfiltered at cspan. Org coronavir cspan. Org coronavirus. Next, book tv after words features university of virginia history professor sara milov on her book the cigarette, tobacco in america. Shes interviewed by former commissioner david kessler. Congratulations. Thank you. Your book is a major accomplishment. It is a significant scholarly work. I think its fair to say, you move the field. Oh, well, thats a tremendous thing to hear coming from you, david. Thank you so much. How does it feel