Everyone else feel free with offcamera those standing and then to put them out into the world. Congratulations im so excited for you. Is a very strange time to put a book out. And then to sell your book here and to go through the process and to give birth to Something Like this so whatever this comes out so just in time to read a book. Also im excited to do this because you and i are friends in real life. We covered the Trump Campaign. Do you remember that . Very briefly. Like i know you. Msnbc we spent more time together in a year and a half hanging out. Youre like my sister. Its weird to talk to you like that. But i feel like the time we spent together we were in ohio where you told me i dont talk to my mom or my dad and you said my dad move back to india and didnt tell me when i was in college and i remember having so many questions and that you have questions so this project exist everybody i talk to is about journalism. I would say being a journalist and i went to india to see my father and how these hard conversations and then my mother that i have to go through as a journalist and to be in word and with this child and then to relitigate and because i was a journalist in these conversations i word interrogate them and me and ask hard questions because its hard to ask parents difficult questions. And to be yelled at by trump in press conferences. You and i both. And then to have fear. So bring that mentality to talk to your parents. So in and of itself to question the president ial candidate to talk to your parents is something to hav have. Or when you are add press conference its a totally different mindset and sometimes it worked really well other times it was contentious. So it was an interesting process that i if i would do the same way today but the book captures one year of my life from when i was turning 30 it was an interesting process. Glad we did it the way we did it. And other journalists are exercising journalism but that year the center of the story. So to exercise that journalistic view but to be the center point of the story. And with a huge ego so the real answer is i had a good story to share that whenever i tell people sitting back i have not seen my dad and more than ten years how they matter how they came to this country a know anything about them. And then thats weird my family knows everything. I talked to my mom every day. Think of how unusual that is. So clearly reconnecting is also unusual so i will also go out of my way to document this in some way and to your point sometimes if the story makes it worth it but at know if theres another way to do this. Another thing that was striking and surprising thats the point we were drawn to that hearing you relive the moment where someone asks you you called me and i was in the car and then to step on the gas like you might need a person with him. Like getting arrested in chicago so those things force you to confront. So to get married in the sixties and seventies and the reason they didnt get divorced because that is stigmatized and south asian society. So i thought it was an impediment. And dads are Coaching Little League i always wanted to be white and that rational conflating of likeness. And the Trump Campaign being asked if you are a member of isys then youre told to go back to iraq where you came from so you are not a white man you have to embrace who you are. Whoever you are, your white. It was a very strange thing. It should not have but it did thats what are the benefits of the Trump Campaign and that is the case. And then to that identity. And consistently on the trail. In the grand scheme of things in the hear a member of isys and then they look at me and reduce me to her terrorist i did not even say a word and to see that rally after rally that was a very strange experience ultimately if it was positive but it taught me who i am. When i like at that part of my life it is hard to look at politics with those moments for up to 18 months that when you look back on that time that this is emblematic. So my favorite memory of the campaign trail because the wireless never worked. [laughter] so were all just hanging out. And on those brief moments they could be five minutes rides we are hanging out we are family but that one pitcher. And from arizona thats a whole campaign trail right there. We are exhausted, sleeping on top of each other and on a plane and thats a whole campaign trail right there. I dont miss much about covering the campaign to be honest. And a lot of people that are on this right now they are politics junkies, for me i dont miss that life at all. Its timeconsuming, you dont get a personal life because since that time we still talk often and then to become your family. I want to remind you to keep an eye what we are talking about any questions you might have and then to circle back but in that tiny vestibule. And those that have commentary and questions. The other thing i was drawn to is the journey i know how this would turn out at the end and im so thrilled we got a lot of closure with the new relationships which is great but there is a video of human the airport when you land and almost he was excitedly walking toward your dad. I have not seen his face literally in years no skype session were face time that we had lunch at Boston University when i was a freshman he look like life had been him up. But that i see him again for 11 years. So my fiance and i we see this confident guy when expecting a guy with a walker, may be remarried, who knows . I dont know what he looks like. And then i remember i see him his arms were toned, muscular and a thing of flowers in his hand he looked vibrant. And it was shocking to me. And to the other point to be documented this is true about writing the book so what you see in the book so even by chapters number ten and 12 i did not know what 15 and 16 will look like so with that plot twist it is for me also writing the book so to capture very specific. In my life. At a different age would be a totally different book so what happened . How does someone d age themselves in my father seem to do it. I have not. Clearly. I feel like in talking to you and also reading it that you took to leslie so quickly but they seem to bind quickly. No. For any of you hear, leslie is not someone that takes no for an answer. Shes very oppressive and an advocate and in the process my parents sense how that she invested in me and they would invest in her. Spent does that help shes along for the ride . Shes the reason i took her. And then to come of the marketing plan. But the great thing is because we see everything the same way. I havent seen my mom in a while. She was here for the first time as well. So it takes a big load off my shoulders. I feel the subplot is your relationship obviously you are engage now. You and i talk a lot. Remember you talk to me and it is the support structure. And i was telling leslie that thats great so at some point she will realize how much i like climbing up the ladder and will figure it out before we get married i have to run out the clock. I went corona to go away for world health but the longer the wedding gets delayed a higher chance she realizes she can do better. [laughter] so social distance please for my wedding. [laughter] when i come to charleston tomorrow. With that sense of all measure foundation to create new branches. I dont know if we could do this to be very supportive and yes that gives me a model to hang out with my parents and to do this and basically wesley was one leslie was willing to go with me. And you have to want that coming from your future inlaws. Also you can feel free but also present some questions to me so what i think and to get this right but on the capacity of a parent but also not have been enough how do you resolve the conflict as you try to get back closer with him . It wasnt resolved but you have to guess effort points. And then that capacity for generational differences coming from different forces so im not sure my dad and i are ever on the same page growing up and not understanding the world and doing the best he could and i dont know if that is ever good enough for me and i say that selfishly and trying to understand where youre coming from but when you started doing this we are finally in the same space what that emotional capacity. I dont know if we could have done this at 16 it felt like this is the only time this couldve happened. What do you think of that in relation to your mom . She had to make choices that were good for her how did you reconcile that . And then you know what this book is about . So whatever far as my parents have or whatever i have is a son and my parents were flawed as mother and father but its never just them its a dynamic part of that is looking past the shortcomings thats how i try to come to terms with it. And why did it and to say okay. Now you can even choose to hold on begrudgingly or resentment or choose to move on and bridge the gap has that worked perfectly . Know not like a hallmark movie but the ongoing process but then my parents understood what i was trying to do. And then talking with friends and strangers about intimate parts of your life. So what is the reaction this is all out there in the open . My parents read the manuscript one year ago i told them up front what i was doing. They knew what i was doing the whole time they knew i was documenting everything. So they had that reaction one year ago. And to disagree with many Different Things in the book if we all wrote our own version this is my truth as best as i can see it. Is certainly dont write them down. It was uncomfortable for them. At the end of the day they came to terms we get what you are trying to do. My dad had a funny reaction. And now hes that ill write my own book now. [laughter] that is very on character and with very different english i will seek your help. [laughter] so my dad spent the last year writing the autobiography called the untold story and that he would send me the notes and to say im trying to get your book on amazon but i can send you a copy but it didnt occur that i would send him a book and that wasnt easy but. There is so much forgiveness but how much of that minivan talking right now i feel like this is one of those uncomfortable questions is there any sense in your mind who had the power to set these relationships early on . Are how much you take on yourself. My brother said the same thing. There is a process for this to work you have to look inward and be willing remember so there is a 12 year period where i did not reach out to my parents the way i should have or check in on my dad and mom is a should have but relationships are a twoway street. If its not working, if there is estrangement. That usually not how it works. And with those family dynamics. No. There are things we could have done i wish i was more empathetic to my parents going of on up and more understanding of the culture they grew up and that something i will carry with me forever. Our lives and family would have turned out much differently yes im glad we did this a last couple years but it shouldnt have to be in tell i was 30 years old. Its obvious you are talking with your brother who is active throughout the book and then talk about going on this journey alone in the only other person with your brother. I have a Good Relationship with him he is nine years older but never in the same period of life so when i was five he was entering high school. I was in high school he was entering 25 then i was 25 he was married with two kids. So a good portion of my childhood my brother was not in the house. He goes this book is not about what you say this is about. Its about the business, not about connection and i didnt fully agree with him but the notion of forgiveness and the email has always stayed with me. The reason he isnt featured in the book is not a sort of guidelines or snub of him. This is my story. He always kept his distance and was always good about this. Host if you have questions, the little blinking under the city go is to purchase the book and if you havent done that you definitely should. I wonder knowing what you know now and the way the characters responded to, what would you have done differently . I dont know that i would have done anything differently. I am not a person that like ive made mistakes in life and theyve made me into the person i am for better or worse and the character flaws that i have. I acknowledge they exist. I dont know that i necessarily would have done anything differently. I would have done it earlier. Did it go perfectly, no. To capture it exactly as it happened whether it was the right thing or the wrong thing to do. Its almost cheating in a way because i did it for that reason. Host i feel like the only thing we know for sure in the buck the journey wasnt a question. Its like you got the big interview. When you were reaching out before the book began was there a part of you that wouldnt be interested in going down this road . Guest i havent spoken to her and didnt even know where she was living. My ear when i called my mother is that she was no longer a life because i didnt even know where she was. They were game early on. They were just so excited to hear from me as many parents would be that they were excited to take part. Then there were bumps along the road but i think they were just excited to hear from me. Guest host your dad would email you and he was more excited to hear about your life and you were more reticent about going there. Its not like you were not ready. Guest i wasnt. He would reach out and our conversations we would talk once every couple of weeks and they would last for two or three minutes. I was always weary of being close to him because i didnt understand anything about my life and it wasnt until a couple of years ago so if they want to know about your appearance now is the time to reach out to them. Host those are highstakes to set up for yourself. Guest yeah. I didnt know exactly how old they were when i first started this but its like when you are 75, at that point you know, you dont have half of your life left and in the case of my parents if they passed away they might not even know about it and its not totally out of the realm of possibility. I hate to be grandma about it. I would carry it with me forever and that is a burden that i wouldnt want on anyone. Host what is the hardest conversation for you to have with them . Guest that is easy. Leaving the country without telling anybody. And i will never forget this because it was the most ashamed that i had ever been in my life. I didnt ask him where he went or why he left until 11 or 12 years later. I remember at this apartment he had this kind of like the brooklyn of calcutta he told me after he visited, he got into a car crash, a serious car crash and that he went to the hospital, comes back to the apartment after. He wakes up and this is the way he told me he said im going to die here in this country. He never told us about the car crash. He felt we didnt care enough about him. He felt like we wouldnt care, we wouldnt do anything. He said i have to go back and then when i go there i will be the best father that i can beat my kid. When i heard that i was so shocked by it and this notion that my dad left the country to go back to a country that he hadnt been here because he felt like his children wouldnt care if he died in a car accident and that was a very difficult conversation. Moving to another moment we put an iphone camera on him. I realized something. When he passed away, we know how many years he has left, that would be the kind of end of his legacy because he wasnt close to us and that moment has stayed with me since those conversations. They were probably the most memorable conversations i had with my father. Guest did you think that stems from him watching you, but he thoughthat he thought he wout accept as part of its . Guest it isnt like california and new york distance themselves from each other. We were never close to each other. He never absorbed it. We would never think that way because we never thought about that, about motives. He never noticed because he had never known to begin with, so i dont know. I will give you my 15 minute monologue. Two things, first of all i felt like some of the most emotional moments in the book were the very simple moments. It happened exactly on the page. Another answer to the question is to see a broadway show, chicago actually, she an in her life had never really been out and never had someone take her on a date so i remember from 42nd street or lion king or a aladdin the raunchiest thing she would definitely disapprove of that i took her to see chicago and she was thrilled. In chicago when this happened this was the allegations. What is the first big number . Genius and an attractive guy and my mom is like okay. My mother and i never talked about this but she does into cuba. It was like then she said to me walking out of the theater ive never seen anything like this. So yes, we had a great time, she enjoyed the show and im glad we got to share that together. Here is my next question though. There was a moment when you were talking with your dad you kind of reached an impasse and decided and brought it back up again but there were a couple of points you decided you know what, we are just going to leave it there. And i wonder what prompted you to do that and if theres any question that you would circle back on if you could still . Guest i asked both of my parents what they wish they were as children. So you know 11, i want to be an astronaut, a fireman, a baseball player. When i asked my parents, they couldnt even answered the question. You dont think about the choice you have or like maybe i will be an astronaut when they. My parents never thought that way because they were brought up like okay you are going to be an engineer, you will marry a person of our choosing and that will be your life is a serious question and serious answer. Jake tapper wrote the book and send an email it is a legitimate answer to the question he says this about with this chapter and the opening words to that song could i have been anybody other than me because my parents didnt understand the concept of choice and i wondered what it would have been like if they were born into another situation or if i were born into another situation or if my parents by someone else, i wouldnt exist. So i hope you dont mind. Guest i think megan also had a good question that i think about which is how did you know now is the time to stop writing . I felt like we had made enough progress to a book i start the book as you will see without adding anything away about two years later or a year later and i think there were plans on some level it was a comedy show. I didnt want it to be an inherently sad book. I didnt want that to happen. I couldnt think of a better way to do it than with comedy. So on some levels we start and end it with comedy. I wonder if you feel like right now we are in this very guest co. In burlington vermont and in des moines iowa. There is a bunch of Campaign Reporters and its like who are they walking in here right now. When they first started this talk from the campaign because it was everything. I mean it was completely immersive. The first thing i do is go to the twitter feed and the first thing i would do in the morning i dont watch like cable news so with all due respect to my cable news friends like give me a second to get my bearings. Have you become a better driver . Guest i dont know what Ashley Parker i dont know if Ashley Parker is on this we were driving in scotland during a promotional event for the golf Course Campaign to drive four hours between the two golf courses and a for some reason they didnt want to drive or could not drive so i offered to and there were such bad drivers even though i didnt drive or drink at all and it was the most harrowing moment of our lives. The plus another weird moment if we are taking a detour down memory lane that is the moment remember when we walked across the golf course and there is a picture. I have one more question. In this pandemic that we find ourselves in i think a lot of people are looking for connection and thinking about people that are not as close as they should be. I think that moment, this is a big moment in the book for forgiveness even if you dont think about your book that way. The we could attest to that relationship and i think that the empathy is really important to the connection or forgiveness or whatever. But having an e. Is the starting point looking inward like this person was mean to me. Maybe its with people yo what e not used to spending a lot of time with its something i come back to a lot and for those of you keeping an eye out for the check yes it is the time when we go to dinner on our own and our relationship was still a secret at that point. For days we were so mad at each other. You are about to begin this process, best of luck and i hope that you document every single part of what pain you are about to have. Thank you so much for doing it. I wouldnt want to do this with anyone but you. Guest me to come absolutely true. As we wrap up i want to remind you. We can look back on this conversation and say how ill illuminating this conversation was. At the Ronald Reagan president ial library in california, u. S. News and world report looked at how different president s have handled the crisis. In this portion he discusses how fdr used optimism to reassure the american public. One thing roosevelt did in addition to the standards im talking about, he actually purser appeared in a specific way and that is reflecting optimism. Every president since roosevelt has adopted this including president Ronald Reagan who admired him all his life and particularly because of this optimism he could convey to the country. This is a picture of Franklin Roosevelt getting a fireside chat and this is what he did he use to the media radio they could with their own radio or neighbors or whatever and he scheduled a fireside chats. In making sure they were sovereign by the terrain operations he called a bank holiday which is a concrete term, so much lighter he could walk through the city or the town or the country and people had their windows open and you could hear Franklin Roosevelt ordered the. Its a tremendous thing he did and its an example of the roosevelt optimism that so many people of a certain age remember. This picture on the left when did you take this . I would guess 71. Im not quite