Your books. Dirty Tricks Department and flirting with danger. Thank you for your time. [applause] available on book tv. Org. We went to introduce you to author our king russell. Here is his book the arts between us. Mr. Russell, when and where did you play professional football . Rk i was drafted to the cowboys and went to the buccaneers. Did you enjoy being out Football Player . Rk help me overcome odds as a black man from a single home. Birds to play college ball . Rk for the university. He was the first person in the football world you came out to. My college teammate. We met at purdue and were out all us with each other. I quickly realized he was the type of men i wanted to see. People who treated people kindly. He always open his heart and i was comfortable sharing my identity with. He was gracious of his time. Something normally who assumes would not be accepting of lgbtq people he was. Will happened to joe . Rk he was diagnosed with stage iv cancer. I was with them when he found out any bout of this cancel cancer per year and then he passed. What has been your journey out of football . Rk its been filled with ups and downs, hills and valleys. Depression and grief from losing my best friend, anxiety and howdy my dignified identifying me in football. From outside looking in there were times where i was playing against quarterbacks to play games and roy combs was not someone i wanted to see in the mirror. Rk the scariest part about hiding her identity and being in the closet and stop presenting truth. You not only battle things alone you put a wall up between you and people who committed to supporting you, loving you, going on this ride with you. Everything feels inconsistent because youre not being genuine. You cannot allow other people to love you if youre not first loving yourself. It creates a wall and block and block i did not realize that then but i do now. At the end of the day we can only control us. I go to sleep with myself every day and wake up with myself in the morning. I was a great team e and i need to be a great tea to myself. One thing you talk about in the book, you came out to espn before you told your mother. How did that happen . Rk . I get a little flock about that for my mom. Im not come alive. Writing has always mom truth. The most honest part of my representation of thought process. Writing an essay was something i had to see first, put in my own words and come to my own realizations. And then, i told my mom after i sent that emotion. I knew she would be gracious so he would get to the place we are now. Her reaction was initially not that. There was a lot of shock and she felt surprised by it. Not only that i was bisexual above that the world was going to know. I love the part of our story because anyone who reads my book filled know me and my mother are best friends. Even though we have faltered any parent, any person can grow, learn, even if the first reaction is not perfect you could be the partner that supports a loved one and its a journey. No one gets a perfectly right the first time. Very few of us do. Im glad my moments able to rebound and grow mom was able to rebound and grow. This scene where you called your mother involves you in your kitchen in l. A. And a bottle of tequila. Rk there were dark moments in that journey. At the point id also met my partner cory obrien was experiencing such highs that i never thought i would experience away from football. I was injured at the time and playing away from my best friend. There was a mix of joy and liberation but also guilt, these loans, these depressive moments. I remember hurting myself and moments in my kitchen and using alcohol to numb my pain. Linkages have become a pivotal place for me and my journey and emotions. That was also the point where i was no longer willing to struggle alone. I was no longer to hide my joy and happiness from other people. I was still not willing to commute my life to fit the stereotype of being a black man in america, Football Player or a man. I was going to support me and allow those to do the same. Where and how were you raised . Rk i was raised in dallas. I was born in buffalo, new york. Let there for six years. Until my stepfather passed away my mother relocated us to dallas, texas. For me i consider dallas home because that is where i found football. Thats where i found friendship, kinship and where i have a lot of the struggles that made me who i am today. Encountering racism in a Southern State. Encountering football above the redo due to a person, going through high school figuring out who i was as a person. I give buffalo credit because that is where i was born but dallas is where i grew up. In your book you talk about growing up and hiding part of yourself. The creative part, the poet part. Rk a lot of people, growing up you pick and choose the things you share based on validation and reaction and what people believe your value to be in that for me was never in writing. It was also very personal. The first letter i ever wrote was a letter to god about the passing of my stepfather. To help understand the young people who are confused with being in living through grief. Moving its a black man in a Southern State and realizing that a lot of times a defendant, be not a threat, intelligent. I broke stereotypes of what it meant to be black or from the singlefamily home. You pick and choose what you show people in writing was never one of those things i thought people would value for me and therefore, i love the perception to be viewed but it never went away. Once you are identified as someone with a talent for football, do you get a signal attracted an early age . Rk in the states we love to specialize our kids early. Football because its physically demanding it becomes a lifestyle. Thats the first thing i heard about a Football Player that you need to eat, breathe sleep football. All decisions will you contribute or hurt you on the field. That is how you then view life. You view your own identity. My friendship, interest causes and costly cause. Will a tough time to contribute to my team. A lot of people dont choose majors because they are prioritizing sport and its a deadly balancing game because there is a different from sacrificing for what you love and who you are. There a story in the book. You are at purdue and friending people on facebook. All of a sudden, what happens . Rk college is frustrating. It was the first time i was away from my mother and we were best friends. I was going through the ups and downs of a turbulent season that purdue. I struggled with injury and trying to gain weight and all the while realizing i had attractions. I was not just straight. I didnt know about bisexuality if im honest. It was presented to me as a transition or a gay individual who was afraid to say they were gay. There is so much misinformation. One day i think the loneliness and the ups and downs of the season. A call need to come back to someone in a way that was different than just about football. In a way that wasnt serving me just on the field or win games or run faster. Facebook and the internet felt like a safe place back then to have conversations and make connections outside of the public eye. Lets hear from a couple of callers. You are on with author rk russell. Caller im a big fan of cspan listing for years before begin i just want to mention. I tried to get the 25th anniversary mug and had problems finding it on the website. Im gonna drive up there because im such a fan. Ive visited the library of congress. I have an id card in 2000 eight. Anyway, i listen to rk russell. I listen to his presentation, love the presentation. I loved him. I had a sister of with us. But lucille, she was gay. She was my best friend. She was somebody who is a huge influence in my life and i am just glad that he is speaking up and out about his life and his lifestyle and i was happy to hear what he had to say. And again, im glad the cspan is still with us and i hope to come in this year. I would love to come in d. C. Really glad to see you cspan. We will let him respond in a second. The right people heard you about the mug and we will make sure that they get online a little more available and easily and if you want to even less we will send you a bag. Book tv at cspan. Org. Rk russell, he talked about his sister. Rk thank you for sharing that story. I am so sorry for your loss. There is a need for representation for all plus people and representation of bipoc people. There is a need for representation for all of us because in secret, shaman mining these controversies they are connected to realize and protect real people that a lot of us are just trying to live in love and be happy and create joy in our lives and thus not up for discernment its not a talking point. Thus on up to people who dont understand us. I just want to think your sister for letting me be who you are and letting love to be the
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