Heres what his popularity looks like [ laughter ] Party Officials have released the ground rules for this weeks democratic primary debates, and candidates will have 60 seconds to answer questions and 30 seconds to respond to follow ups. Follow ups like, im sorry, what was your name again [ laughter ] no, no, not you, the other one who looks like you. [ laughter ] President Trump today bragged about wall street performance tweeting, quote, stock market is headed for one of our best months in the history of our country. Thank you, mr. President. [ laughter ] is he thanking himself in his own tweet . [ laughter ] thats like leaving yourself a voicemail the morning after you masturbate to say you had a good time [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause anyway, call me back. You know the number, because its this number. [ laughter ] First Lady Melania Trump announced today that her director of communications will shift over and become the next White House Press secretary. It turns out you dont really need your own Communications Director when you never actually, you know, communicate. [ laughter ] boeing is currently in possession of so many malfunctioning 737 max jets that they have started storing the planes in their employee parking lot. Either that or jerry in marketing finally got that raise. [ cheers and applause wow jerry, looking good. Yeah, thank you. The legoland Amusement Park in new york has constructed the worlds smallest pride parade made exclusively out of toy bricks oh no, ours is smaller, said alabama. [ laughter and applause ikea has begun testing its own food delivery service. Unfortunately, it also comes unassembled. [ laughter ] federal officials today announced the launch of a program to combat robocalls, which theyre calling operation call it quits. Sorry, that name is already taken, said trumps personal trainer. Disneyland this week opened its new star wars themed park. The park has nine sections, but it is only worth seeing the first three. [ audience ohs ] you didnt love it but it doesnt matter, because this next one [ laughter ] it was reported [ laughter ] it was reported today that cuba will open its first sex shop its called fadildos. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause and finally, after President Trump was accused of Sexual Assault by wellknown advice columnist e. Jean carroll, trump first denied that hed ever met her, and then said in an interview monday shes not my type, which brings us to a segment we call, hey. [ cheers and applause seth hey, ass [ bleep ], if someone asks you did you rape that woman . And you say, no, shes not my type, thats not a defense. Thats a confession. [ cheers and applause its like if you ask Hannibal Lecter did you eat that guy . And he said, no, he looked a little boney. And hey, you alssa never met this person in my life despite the fact that the article literally has a picture of you talking to her at a party. So you lied, you did meet her. Of course, the problem is even if you showed this picture to trump, he wouldnt change his mind, because hes such an egomaniac that when he looks at a picture that hes in, its a being John Malkovich situation. [ laughter ] and when someone asked him about the photo, trump dismissed it saying, standing with my coat in a line, give me a break, with my back to the camera. Hey man, if anything, that makes this photograph even more memorable, because its one of the few times you didnt do that weird thing where you looked directly in the camera like the cloverfield monster. [ laughter ] and hey, no one believes you when you deny this stuff, because you already admitted to it, remember you were on a bus with billy bush bragging about assaulting women like some sort of Port Authority pervert. Trumps head shot shouldnt be hanging at the white house it should be hanging at every Greyhound Bus station in the tristate area [ laughter ] carroll is now carroll is now [ cheers and applause at least at least the 22nd woman to step forward on the record with an account of an unwanted sexual advance or other encounter with trump hey man, who do you think is lying to us in this situation . All 22 women who have nothing to gain by lying and are showing incredible courage in the face of these kinds of attacks or the ge ahinese hoax, said three Million People voted illegally in the last election, and once told eric trump, i enjoy spending time with you. [ cheers and applause and hey, man, i know i know you think everything is a conspiracy, and the fake news is out to get you but i promise you all these women are doing is courageously telling the truth. The media isnt trying to screw you, because to borrow a phrase, youre not their type. This has been hey. [ cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Hes the star of spiderman far from home. Tom holland is here, everybody [ cheers and applause yeah shes a very funny comedian and actress who is the voice of gidget in the secret life of pets 2. Our friend jenny slate is here tonight. [ cheers and applause and we have music from soak. So youre here on a great night. You know guys, theres been some amazing stuff going on with space lately i read recently that scientists at nasa were actually able to take a photograph of a real live black hole and you know, things like this they they start to get me thinking that im getting older, and sometimes i look around me i dont even recognize the world im living in anymore. Things are changing every day. Not always for the better. [ laughter ] and its times like these that get me to thinking about how things were just a bit more simple back in my day. [ cheers and applause seth back in my day, we didnt have photographs of black holes, horse feathers. Well, technically, we did have photographs of black holes, but then we deleted our browser history, and our wives never found them [ laughter ] thank god for that back in my day, o. J. Simpson didnt have hundreds of thousands of followers on twitter. Back in my day, o. J. Only had 8 followers, and they were ar. [ cheers and applause back in my day, we werent trying to start a war with iran. Back in my day, we were trying to start a war with iraq [ light laughter ] i guess the moral of this story is that if your name starts with ira, youre in for trouble so better watch your back, ira glass. [ laughter ] do you know who ira glass is [ dog barks oh, of course you do we love public radio, rusty. [ dog barks back in my day, tiger woods wasnt shocking the world by winning the masters. Back in my day, we were shocked if tiger did win the masterslos jeepers, i wonder if somethings wrong with him. And then, we found out, and were like, yeesh. [ laughter ] back in my day, doctors werent 3d printing body organs for patients, cod buckles. Back in my day, the only time we printed organs was when we put our butts on the copy machine, printed out a hundred copies, and then, handed them out at the Office Christmas party [ laughter ] [ dog barks thats right, rusty. At one time, the butt was considered an organ. [ dog barks well, i personally dont think they smell good, but to each their own. [ dog barks back in my day, we didnt have denim underwear, wafflecock. [ laughter ] back in my day, if you wanted something rough and uncomfortable rubbing up against your junk, you had to ride the subway at rush hour. [ laughter ] [ light applause ] back in my day, people werent getting cancelled online for saying something stupid or racist back in my day, if you said something stupid or racist, you got cancelled by abc, but then, they tried to bring your show back without you but it was [ laughter ] [ light laughter ] back in my day, the hit tv show friends wasnt streaming on netflix. Bingfiddles. Back in my day [ laughter ] the only friendsrelated streaming we had was that one episode where monica got stung by the jellyfish, and chandler had to stream all over her [ laughter and applause back in my day, we werent watching toy story 4. No sir, if you wanted to see a woody on screen, you had to go to a different kind of theater [ laughter ] [ dog barks thats a good question, rusty. I guess they dont really have them anymore [ dog barks oh, well, because of the internet [ dog barks that is not what you saw, rusty. [ dog barks i was doing my taxes online. [ dog barks back in my day, we werent going crazy over the korean boy band bts, no, sir we were going nuts over korean boy bands like xo, shiny, big g monster x, qt me, hi hello, and pp pie [ laughter ] and only three of those were made up. [ laughter ] well im sorry, everybody. But sometimes this grumpy gramps has got to get his old jaw flapping flap right. This has been back in my day. [ cheers and applause the shawn mendes verizon up concert was surreal. We were right in front of him. Dead center. Front row. Ill never forget that day. vo the network more people rely on, gives you more. Like big savings on our best phones when you switch. Thats verizon. Crabfest is back at red lobster with 9 craveable crab creations. Like crab lovers dream with crab. Crab. And more crab. Or for those who want it all. New crabfest surf turf. Grab your crab crew, hurry in or order it to go comfort and security for thethe little ones inside. Des possibly the inspiration behind hanes comfort flex fit with a breathable pouch. That. And probably this. yells hanes comfort flex fit. Pringles wavy. With a big crunch and totally different flavors, theyre not really pringles. Just like thats not really daddy. Yes it is. Ok. Pringles wavy. Theyre not, not pringles. I want it that way. I cant believe it. That karl brought his karaoke machine . Aint nothing but a heartache. No, i cant believe how easy it was to save hundreds of dollars on my Car Insurance with geico. I never wanna hear you say. No, kevin. No, kevin believe it geico could save you fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause back again with us tonight, hes the indemand drummer for indie legends superchunk and bob mould. He can also be heard on the new album from the mountain goats in league with dragons. Jon wurster is here, everybody thank you for being here, jon. [ cheers and applause thank you seth guys, this is very exciting thanks to newly developed technology, we here at late night now have the ability to record the tiny voice that is inside Donald Trumps head and you might be surprised to know that like everyones inner voice, Donald Trumps is filled with paralyzing fear and selfdoubt so, here it is the tiny voice in the back of Donald Trumps head. Hey, dour lldst favorite thi the job, waiting for foreign people to stop talking so you can eat your dinner. [ laughter ] and you have to pretend to listen, and give a little nod. Oh, good point i didnt understand a word you said, but i want to eat these dumplings. [ light laughter ] im going to look at them, and im gonna steal a little peek at my dumplings and there they are [ laughter ] okay, one, two, three. Thats good. Ill eat those and then melania will give me hers thats six, seven, eight [ laughter ] so thats eight dumplings. And maybe shinzos wife will give me one or two thats 15, 16 dumplings. Thats a lot of dumplings. This will be worth it, but you have to stop talking [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause seth you know our first guest tonight from his work as spiderman in the avengers films. He returns as peter parker in spiderman far from home which opens in theaters and imax july 2nd lets take a look. Oh, cool. [ explosion what is that . I dont know. What are you gonna do i left my suit in the hotel room why because im on vacation, ned. Everyones gonna see my face just get them out of here. Go. Go. Just go oh, no you dont you okay seth please welcome back to the show, tom holland, everybody. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, tom [ cheers and applause it is it is very hard to believe, but i guess it makes sense with how hard they make you work this is your fifth fifth movie playing spiderman somehow, yes it is. Seth yeah. Theyve kept me for five movies seth theyve kept you for five movies. Yes seth im certainly happy theyve kept you you now get we were talking backstage, you have a little break coming up. Mmhmm. Seth where you actually get to enjoy yourself. I know you like to golf. Have you been able to golf much in recent years, or has it been too busy i have been golfing a lot recently seth uhhuh. Golints so great about the every place that i go. Seth thats a good use of your time. I like that. Which has been really good. Im still terrible at it seth uhhuh. [ laughter ] but one day i will get better [ laughter ] seth there are it does seem to be the sport of choice for a lot of celebrities have you ever gotten a chance to play with any other people in your field not massively, no seth yeah. I know Justin Timberlake plays golf seth yeah. Id like to play with him seth okay. [ laughter ] that would be a lot of fun. So if justin, youre watching, my number is no, but i was on set of this film spiderman far from home and i was talking to sam jackson about my golf life seth yeah. And i play with my brothers and my dad, mostly and, you know, well you know, well bet a pound a hole or something, so at the end of the round, youre only gonna lose or make 18 pounds seth right and he wasnt very impressed by my story. [ light laughter ] because he was saying that he plays this crazy betting game when he plays golf and then he also dropped in, and i was playing with tiger woods and michael jordan. [ laughter ] so it wasnt quite as cool as my story. Seth no. I will say, i bet sam jackson didnt feel even a little bit bad about making you feel as though you were less cool than him. He loves it seth yeah. [ laughter ] you also got to work with Jake Gyllenhaal on this film yes, i did. [ cheers and seth and how was that . Hes a great guy were fans of his here it was interesting because [ laughter ] that was hilarious [ laughter ] no, it was interesting, because i have always been such a big fan of his work. And i really, really looked up to him and when i found out that he was cast, i was quite nervous about the idea of working with him and then, he came to set fisof marvel do sometimes is they will completely change the lines overnight. Seth gotcha. So you walk in on monday morning, and all of a sudden, you have a threepage monologue about interdimensional rifts and all these kind of crazy stuff. Seth sure, right very important plot things that might not be super natural coming out of a human mouth. Totally so jake was, like, he was, like, panicking. So i found myself on day one with working with one of my idols, like, its okay, man, its okay. [ laughter ] this is just how it goes over here in the marvel world. Thaas like what happened right before this photo [ laughter ] that is exact w we have talked about the suitsfr argument is, you have the hardest suit to wear of anybody in the marvel universe yeah. I would argue that, yes. Seth yeah. Because i have no skin showing. Seth yeah. Im straight up head to toe in lycra [ light laughter ] i dont even have my i cant even use my phone. [ laughter ] and im 23 like i use my phone a lot. [ laughter ] seth yeah. Ive become so good at, like, liking pictures with my nose and [ laughter ] seth yeah, i mean, thats one if anybody shouldnt be able to use their phone on set, it should be sam jackson that should be the tradeoff exactly seth yeah. I know Robert Downey jr. , who, of course, youve worked with in many films yes [ cheers ] seth you have you have his phone number, which is a pretty cool thing i do, yeah. I do have his phone number he i was where were we i think we were in london and he facetimed me at 2 00 in the morning. Seth okay. And i didnt even check to see who it was i was like, who is that . I, like, hung up and then i woke up in the morning and in my phone, hes saved as the godfather. [ laughter ] so, i woke up and panicked i was like, oh, my god. Im so sorry i didnt mean to ghost you. [ light laughter ] and he didnt he obviously didnt reply for ages, because of the time difference in l. A. Seth yeah. So that was maybe the most stressful day of my life where i thought my relationship with downey was over. Seth yeah, but imagine how stressed out he was, being like, oh, my god, i got ghosted by tom. [ laughter ] is that what its come to seth i was the godfather and now this . Hey, so, i know, you went to hawaii when was your hawaii trip . We my family and i went to hawaii in january. Seth very nice amazing trip. Seth and do you ever have this happen where youre flying, and because you have been in so many of these films that people watch all the time, that they watch on airplaneszed, like, oh, that person is watchi yeah, it happens occasionally, yeah i also ive seen someone watch one of my movies and turn it off seth yeah, yea were flying to hawaii, i noticed this young lady was watching spider man homecoming. And, you know, it was kind of cool i was like, oh, that lady is watching my movie. And then this other lady walked past me, and i said to my brother, i went, dude, that lady looks so unwell. And then, all of a sudden, i heard this thud next to me and i looked to the left, and this lady had passed out next to me seth wow like, full on, out cold so, i jumped up. I was trying to im not a doctor, im an actor [ laughter ] i was like, maam, are you all right . So i was calling for a doctor, i was trying to clear her hair out of her face, check her airways and stuff. And this woman who was watching my film was looking at me. [ laughter ] and she must have thought, she was like, wow, this kid just never stops. [ laughter ] you know seth just go, go, go yeah that was great [ cheers and applause she was like, hes better at spiderman stuff than he is at doctor stuff. I know, i was useless like, i was trying to find her pulse. I dont know how to do that. I was like, she has no pulse. Oh, no, she does she does, i just dont know how to do that. Seth i was checking her hip. I was wrong. I looked in the wrong place. [ laughter ] you travel one of your brothers is backstage. Yes, harry. [ cheers and applause apparently, he has more fans than i do. Seth yes [ laughter ] do they ever when you travel and youve got the family together, are they ever trying to sort of trade off the fact that youre a well known older brother . Do they every try to say your name loudly to draw attention to people and maybe use it to meet the ladies meet the ladies i mean, they wouldnt. But i would always help them seth oh, very nice so, wing man, yeah as a wing man seth you do never rest, its true i do never rest [ laughter ] no, we were in hawaii and sam and i were we were swimming in the sea and there were so many beautiful ladies on the beach. And, you know, sam was single at the time and he was like, oh, i just really wanna i wanna meet someone, man. So, i was like, all that needs to happen is weve got to get someone to recognize me. And then theyll introduce all their friends and itll be youll be golden. So anyways, so this girl walks into the sea shes gorgeous and shes walking over and im like, here you go, bro. Here you go. Here we go. [ laughter ] and she breezes right past me. Like, hello . And she goes over to sam and she goes, oh, my god, are you Timothee Chalamet . [ laughter ] and he was like, yes. [ laughter ] yes, i am. Seth and i will say, not crazy. I mean i mean, come on [ audience oohs seth i will say theyre very bold to say you are a person who is french. Like, thats like, because then you yeah. Seth then youre like moments away from the game being up you know true, true. I think sam no, he doesnt speak any french that was [ light laughter ] that was when chat shows stress of like, yeah, hes fluent in french. [ laughter ] seth he had to do that thing of theyre like, oh, well, you must speak french, being Timothee Chalamet. Hes like, not on vacation. Im on vacation right now. [ laughter ] yeah, yeah. [ speaking in Foreign Language ] [ laughter ] seth hey, thanks so much for being here thanks for having me. Seth congrats on the film. Always a pleasure to see you thanks again. Seth tom holland spiderman far from home opens in theaters and imax july 2nd well be right back with jenny slate. [ cheers and applause new magnum ice cream. Double sea salt caramel. 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[ cheers and applause seth our next guest is a very funny actress you know from tv series such as parks and recreation and house of lies. She returns as the voice of gidget in the secret life of pets 2, which is in theaters now. Lets take a look. Okay. Gidget, eat sweetpea what . Cats eat birds. Its nature. Yeah, im gonna pass. No, no, no, no. You used your one pass on the litterbox, so you have to do this but bu bu bu bu do it. Youre seriously going to h, no, no, no. Of course not. Im just freaking her out. [ gasp ] okay. Whatlaex blah, blah. [ bird chirping oh sorry. Seth welcome back to the show, our friend, jenny slate, everybody. [ cheers and applause seth hi, jenny hi, seth. Seth last time you were here, we talked about how you gave a commencement speech at a high school. True. True seth true. Correct seth you did one you gave a speech, a different kind of commencement this year recently. Yes seth made the papers yeah. Seth made the papers yeah. Seth do you want to explain to everybody why it made the papers well, first ol, socause it was so right. Thats right. H i guess i mean, yes, sure. What happened was that a lovely young lady named gwen lynch was the last student to ever graduate from the oneroom schoolhouse on cuttyhunk island. Shes an 8th grader. I gave the commencement speech to her class which was her seth yes [ laughter ] one [ cheers and applause seth so you gave a one person commencement speech yeah. Yeah seth was she someone you requested . Okay, no. Well, i mean, i would request her. I think shes really cool. Seth yeah. Heres the deal she did not request me at all. Seth mmhmm. I found this out from the new york times. [ laughter ] seth after the fact . Before. Seth before the fact okay which is also devastating seth right yeah you know. Seth because youre about to go in there, and now you feel like, i might bomb. Not only that but truly, im unwanted. [ laughter ] la and they were like, well, no, you cant have that. Shes busy she was, like, okay got it i want oprah. [ laughter ] and they were like, yeah, she cant come here. You know theres two ferries a day. Shes too busy. Then i show up, and im a nervous jewish lady. Seth yeah. Yeah. She also told the times that she wasnt she didnt really know who i was [ laughter ] seth wow yeah. Seth but then you show up. You know, there must be this incredible burden to give a speech to one person because, i think, normally with a commencement speech, its just try to think of things for all of you sure. When i gave it to my high school, it was 180 students. And i was kind of, like, i could be sincere, like, follow your dreams, be your own best lizard or a bird as a pet. Seth right, yeah good advice. Yeah. I mean, its not the best thing to do with your adulthood. [ light laughter ] seth right, yeah but thats like, you cant be general or that specific. Seth right is you cant just show up on an seth yeah, right [ laughter ] its like, yeah, yeah, you cant seth but then you could tell, shes like, oprah never would have wasted her time on lizards. [ light laughter ] thats right. Yeah oprah knows oprah is wiser seth but it went well. Yeah, it went really well well, i really wanted to do a good job for this young lady and so i went to cuttyhunk before the speech, and i took a walk with her. And cuttyhunk has a tick problem. Seth yeah. So theres like a lot of seth this is a tiny Little Island in massachusetts. A tiny, teeny island where people drive golf carts instead of cars. Seth yeah. And you know, everyone knows each other and i showed up there. I had overlsureneck. I had my overalls tucked into my socks and galoshes seth all tick fear this is all tick fear . Tick fear seth yeah. A jacket, a scarf also, in june. This just happened seth yeah. Right. Yeah. [ laughter ] just in case youre like, oh, she graduated in the dead of winter in the past . [ laughter ] yeah so she showed up barefoot in a like, really cool and we took a walk and i got to know her. And shes wondl. She lives on an island and goes to school by herself and still has more friends than i had as a teenager seth wow, yeah [ laughter ] yeah. Seth i imagine one of the fears was, because obviously people were going to film it, this might be one of those it could live on in the internet. You also have that pressure. Thats right. That were in the future now seth yeah, right and everything is computer. Seth yes you know, and computer rules. So i was like, okay, theres two things im obsessed with on the internet that are painful for others, but i cant stop watching them. One is sorry. I cant even think about it without laughing failed productions of local peter pans somee backstage pulls the wrong rope and, just like, wendy gets ripped out of her bed. [ laughter ] truly bad karma, and i cant stop watching it and there really is e where wendy gets ripped out and then she is in character, and shes like, oh [ laughter ] and like goes back to her bed. But anyway then theres this other thing that im obsessed with, which is brides that sing original songs to their grooms. [ light laughter ] seth uhhuh. Oh, wow. Because its like a oneonone thing, and theres one video, that its a bride she goes down the stairs and she sings a song and like, it actually hurts me to remember it, but i am addicted to it and shes like kevin we are gettin married to each othe right now and hes like [ laughter ] and he has to stand there and be like, yes, baby, you are the best singer. You are so beautiful. Shes like our parents are there judy and bil and there is my aunt you know, its whatever. [ laughter ] seth so you i was like, i dont want just be in her face, being like you are graduating today you knoweal ol seth ive written a song called first in ycl yeah. [ laughter ] that would have been a cool leap, if i had jusde yea [ laughter ] and just shown up on that island it was in a tiny church. Seth yeah. And just been like and a one and a two [ laughter ] seth cause i will say, my biggest fear in life is someone singing a song directly to me. Oh, yeah. Seth like that is the worst thing in the world oh, i cant imagine it. I mean, i guess thats why i watch that on the internet all the time [ laughter ] just to condition myself in case im in my house one day, and someones like were in the kitchen and im just like [ screaming [ laughter ] i dont want it. I dont want it. Seth this is your congratulations. Im so glad. Thank you seth thats so awesome but it was okay it was great seth there is a photo, too okay. Seth ts seth a newspaper that ive ive read the vineyard gazette. Yeah, do you remember last year now, were a little off topic. Seth yeah. But they had a whole story about how a bird called the bluefooted booby landed on someones boat and it made the newspaper. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] you know, thats whats going on seth my fatherinlaw had a pet goat that died, and it got an obituary longer than a president s. [ laughter ] it interviewed other people, like, what did you think of raisin . Well, you know, hes like he was like most goats but i guess well miss him. [ laughter ] oh, man im super sorry to hear about the goat, though seth thank you [ laughter ] it was weird when he died that i didnt hear from you yeah. Yeah [ laughter ] i dont know i had a really bad personality seth this was in the vineyard gazette. Yeah. Yeah, yeah seth you and gwen. Okay. Seth are you happy with the photo . Look, gwen looks great. I want to go on record gwen, you look great my feeling about this photo, and i cant believe im going to do this on television, but another fear of mine besides brides with microphones seth yeah. Is this thing that one of my friends calls adult head spread. Seth okay. I call it pumpkin head. Its this feeling that once you get into your adulthood your head becomes, like, a lot bigger like you just cant control it you just get adult head spread i saw that in the newspaper. I was like, what is this year of me finding stuff out in the newspaper thats, like, terrible . And i think i just think it might be the start of head spread seth yeah. And im also like, you know, did i really need to wear a big chunky sweater but thats for another show. Seth yeah. It does feels like its local it feels like, local girl meets out of towner afraid of ticks. Yeah, thats right. [ laughter ] thats what it was thats what it was seth this is your second time playing in secret life of pets 2. Yes seth this is a very pampered dog . Yes seth we can tell shes really seth are you pampered in real life . You know what seth really . And i was saying i was hoping, just before i came here, to just even get a lip wax [ light laughter ] like im out of the manipedi game its over. Seth really . Fully out . Yeah. Im just really [ laughter ] wild and free seth yeah. Yeah. Seth youre with the ticks now. Youre running with the ticks now. Yeah. Oh, yeah i live on a peninsula with my boyfriend in massachusetts and we just, like, check each other for ticks. [ laughter ] thats my chosen life. I like it. Yeah seth thank you so much for coming back. It is always such a delight to see you. Thank you for having me seth thats jenny slate, everybody. The secret life of pets 2 is in theaters now. Well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause more, more, more how do you like it, how do you like it more, more, more how do you like it, how do you like it all you can eat is back. 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Like a special price for military families and big savings when you switch. Thats verizon. Wherever you are. Whatever youre craving. Doordash has the most restaurants across america. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. First order, 0 delivery fee. Delicious, delivered. Look its a hmm. Whale. I dont know. Thats it. Suit up haha watch the fur look ahhh. Can we keep him . What do you see in your cheetos . [ cheers and applause seth after a handful of celebrity parents were caught up in a massive College Admissions scandal, theres been a renewed focus on extreme parenting techniques, including something called snowplow parenting, a trend in which parents go to Great Lengths to shield even their Adult Children from lifes obstacles. Here to comment, please welcome one of my writers, dina gusovsky. [ cheers and applause thanks, seth. Now, as a native russian and a child of immigrants, i think this whole idea of snowplow parenting is absolutely insane which brings me to a new segment called everyone should be raised by immigrants. [ cheers and applause look, growing up is hard, but immigrant parents make it even harder they dont snowplow. If anything they bury you in snow and give you a tiny shovel to dig yourself out. [ laughter ] you know, to build character now, i came to america when i was 4, and one of my first memories here was my parents sending me off, without warning, to the horror that is kindergarten [ laughter ] seth oh. I remember kindergarten being fun and easy for you im sure it was, but i did not speak english, and no one there spoke russian. Seth oh, yeah. Thats different [ laughter ] well, seth, that was the least of it, because my parents also wanted to make sure that i was not underdressed for my big day. So they sent me to school in what they assumed all americans send their kids to school in a tuxedo and a top hat [ laughter and applause thats right i had to explain to the other children in broken english that i was, indeed, their classmate [ light laughter ] and not a tiny cruise ship magician [ laughter ] but that taught me to fend for myself very early on seth i mean, thats rough. Its adorable, but its rough. [ light laughter ] and if you think thats bad, as you get older, immigrant parents are constantly reminding you how much better you could have been, how much more you should have done and how svetlanas daughter is going to harvard and she is only 12yearsold [ laughter ] they always bring up svetlana when they you want to feel bad seth im sorry, is svetlana your mothers friend she says svetlana is real, but no one knows for sure. Like a russian santa [ laughter ] seth, i read an article that said some American Parents let their kids come home from college, because they didnt like their roommates you think living with a College Roommate is hard try living with an immigrant mother no matter how bad your College Roommate is, theyre not gonna keep weekold veal tongue in the fridge [ light laughter ] and they certainly wouldnt ask every date you bring back to the dorm when he intends to propose. [ laughter ] do you know that she is already 20 her ovaries will not last forever. [ laughter ] seth, it may seem like its tough tora immigrants, but theyre just trying to prepare you for the real world they would never embarrass you by getting arrested like some of these celebrity snowplow parents, but they will embarrass you by putting you in a top hat and a tux. [ laughter ] this has been everyone should be raised by immigrants. [ cheers and applause seth dina gusovsky, everybody. Well be right back with music from soak. [ cheers and applause comfort and security for thethe little ones inside. Des possibly the inspiration behind hanes comfort flex fit with a breathable pouch. That. And probably this. yells hanes comfort flex fit. Pringles wavy. With a big crunch and totally different flavors, theyre not really pringles. Just like thats not really daddy. Yes it is. Ok. Pringles wavy. Theyre not, not pringles. Guys ive got an idea. Ooh what is it . So people love iphone xr, right . Well, it does have an incredible camera. And it comes in all those amazing colors. Uhhuh. What if we give the people iphone xr when they join tmobile . Iphone xr on us . Yeah. Iphone xr on us. Whats not to love about that for a limited time, join tmobile and get the awesome iphone xr on us. Crabfest is back at red lobster with 9 craveable crab creations. From the new ultimate crabfest trio with three kinds of wildcaught crab to the return of crab lovers dream grab your crab crew, hurry in or order it to go what do all these people have in common, limu . Oug exactly, nothing. Theyre completely different people, thats why they need customized Car Insurance from liberty mutual. Theyll only pay for what they need [ gargling ] [ coins hitting the desk ] yes, and they could save a ton. Youve done it again, limu. Only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Itits crepe day. Day for our family at dennys. A Family Tradition we started about 22 minutes ago and now we can continue that tradition at home with dennys delivery. See you at dennys or dennys. Com shshow me homecoming. Baby sloth videos on youtube. Amy, do you uh mind giving someone else a turn . Oh. Yeah i made myself a little comfortable here. I got a pizza for amy yes, thats me xfinity lets you search netflix, prime video, and youtube with the sound of your voice. And i dont have my wallet, so. Thats simple. Easy. Awesome. Experience the entertainment you love on x1. Access netflix, prime video, youtube and more. All with the sound of your voice. Click, call or visit a store today. [ cheers and applause seth performing deja vu off her critically acclaimed album grim town, please welcome to the show, soak. [ cheers and applause i havent seen yo for months ive been waiting up on a call for a strangers voic to ask if im sitting down no one dare say i but were thinking the same thing no one dare say i but were thinking the same thing no heaven in front of m a neon light catastrophe no unexpected emergency nothings new deja vu deja v deja vu no heaven in front of me a neon light catastrophe no unexpected emergency nothings new deja vu deja v deja vu youve been drinking agai crashed the car an you blamed the rai ooh ooh dont you think tha youre better than tha what a crying shame all the neighbors are outirren and the dogs have gone mad its all going down no one dare say i but were thinking the same thing no heaven i front of me yeah a neon light catastrophe no unexpected emergency nothings new deja vu deja v deja vu no heaven in front of me a neon light catastrophe no unexpected emergency nothings new deja vu deja v deja vu nheaven in front of m no unexpected emergency no heaven in front of m a neon light catastrophe no unexpected emergency nothings new deja vu deja v deja vu no heaven in front of m a neon light catastrophe no unexpected emergency nothings new deja vu deja v deja vu [ cheers and applause seth soak, everybody the album grim town is out now. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause the nature of a virus is to change. Move. Mutate. Is helping hunt them down at their source. Because the faster we can identify new viruses, the faster we can get to stopping them. Sonal technology, is technology with the power to change your life. Life. To the fullest. That leave therea lasting impression. Like the feeling of movement as a new journey begins, or the sight of soft fur, warmed by the morning sun. You might remember new flavours, or a view that defies all expectations. These are the memories that stay with you, long after the moments have passed. [ cheers and applause seth my thanks to tom holland, jenny slate soak, everybody. Jon wurster, 8g band stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause carson good evening and welcome to last call