Tonight, join jimmy and his guests Tracy Morgan Brian regan, musical guest jason aldean and featuring the legendary roots crew questlove gobble steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy oh, my goodness thank you very much. Please, have a seat. Welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I feel the love. I feel the thanks [ cheers and applause i want to wish everybody a very happy thanksgiving right now there you go [ cheers and applause i love thanksgiving. Its that special time where you spend half the day complaining about driving, then the other half wishing you were back on the road, you know [ laughter ] right now millions of americans are stuffed and the holidays are just starting. Yep, as we speak, everyones peleton is slowly being turned into a Clothing Rack [ laughter ] of course, today was the macys thanksgiving day parade. Steve oh jimmy it was awesome [ cheers and applause it was fantastic steve come on. Jimmy i love being there, i love doing it. You know what, i read some interesting facts. I read that in the early days of the thanksgiving day parade, they just let the balloons fly away at the end. Steve oh [ light laughter ] jimmy which is why thanksgiving in new jersey was known as the day the sky monsters came. [ laughter ] frightening. [ light laughter ] hundreds of volunteer clowns marched in the parade. Yeah, because after it chapter 2 and joker, thats definitely what you want running up to your kids. [ laughter ] happy thanksgiving agh [ laughter ] steve hes kind of nice jimmy tonight in the nfl we saw the new Orleans Saints take on the Atlanta Falcons and this is nice the falcons wore a patch on their jerseys in memory of all the birds we lost today. [ laughter ] get this the falcons play in mercedesbenz stadium, and the saints play in the mercedesbenz super dome while the Cincinnati Bengals play in the hyundai abandoned field. [ laughter ] i saw that President Trump had thanksgiving dinner at maralago at one point during the meal, trump built a wall around his turkey with mashed potatoes to prevent any vegetables from getting in [ laughter ] its almost done. Well, you guys, were just a a few minutes away from black friday [ cheers ] [ audience ohs ] i saw that this year, amazon is having huge deals on vacuums and crockpots. [ light laughter ] theyre describing the best black friday deal of 1979. [ laughter ] steve crockpot jimmy black friday is when stores offer special promotions, and this year some of them are even using new slogans for the big day. Ill show you what i mean. For instance, walmart. Their black friday slogan is its basically mma meets the purge up in this piece. [ laughter ] then there is home depot their slogan is weve got one employee and he locked himself in the bathroom. [ laughter ] steve help jimmy call me when theyre all gone next up, costco. Their slogan is we dont have bags because people tried to suffocate each other. Steve oh [ laughter ] jimmy guys, guys, calm down steve why would you make that your slogan jimmy and finally, theres t. J. Maxx. Their slogan is, dont panic, it always looks like a riot in here. [ laughter ] be careful [ cheers and applause be careful out there tomorrow. And finally, monopoly just released a longest game ever edition. [ light laughter ] longest game ever, where the only way to win is to buy all 66 properties in the game. So if you didnt get into a fight with your family on thanksgiving, this ought to do it [ laughter and applause we have a great show give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy aw, thats what im talking about. Thank you very much, roots happy thanksgiving, everyone we have a great show for you tonight. Tracy morgan is here steve come on [ cheers and applause jimmy no disrespect tour we love tracy. Plus, we have standup from brian regan. Steve come on [ cheers and applause jimmy one of my favorites. Steve its like old home week jimmy one of my favorites. And we got music from jason aldean, everybody [ cheers and applause thats what im talking about. I want to quickly thank everyone at the parade this morning. We had a great time as always. Thank you to macys, thank you to im getting choked up. Steve youre getting choked up talking about it. Jimmy no, i just i had Peanut Butter before the show. [ laughter ] steve and youre allergic to Peanut Butter jimmy well is that right . Steve yeah, you told me that jimmy no, i think im over the Peanut Butter [ laughter ] [ strangled speech ] its just sometimes makes my throat swell up, but i think im fine anyway i want to thank everyone at the parade this morning. [ laughter ] i do want to thank everyone at the parade macys, they always do a great job. Nbc. Everyone at nbc. Hoda and al, and the roots, you guys were phenomenal thank you very much. [ cheers and applause it was great like i said, jason aldean is here tonight steve come on. [ cheers and applause jimmy so happy he could be here for the thanksgiving show he and i actually met up last night to celebrate one of our favorite thanksgiving traditions ill show you what i mean. Take a look. Night before thanksgiving pies are in the oven gosh i love my folks but im getting sick of them so i head into town to the local dive the bouncer inside is named big dave he used to kick me out when i was underage but now he just goes in for a high five take a look aroun i know everyone here theres my old math teache and shes chugging a beer and the girl who had a ki is drinking with her son theres a girl i took to the homecoming danc and theres the weird guy wh never wore pants i opened up a tab caus the partys just begun so cheers to me and cheers to yo cheers to mike wit the neck tattoo whether you lef or stuck aroun cheers t gaining 30 pounds those sticky floors and busted doors my past i am reliving at my hometown bar on the night before thanksgiving that guys tips used to be frosted that girl there used to be a goth kid barkeep used to b a football star shes in book clu with my mo and hes still calling things the bomb and the valedictorians dancing on the bar so cheers to yo and cheers to me cheers to jen an her new teeth to finally clearing all the ai cheers to your remaining hair those neon lights and drunken fights my past i am reliving at my hometown bar on the night before thanksgiving and tomorrow we wil wish we didnt go so har but tonight we wil go hard we will go hard so cheers to yo and cheers to us growing old bu never growing up cheers to havin Hometown Pride and calling your dad for a ride hey, dad . Favorite places Friendly Faces my past i am reliving at my hometown bar on the night before thanksgiving [ cheers and applause jimmy thanks to jason aldean well be back with more tonight show, everybody happy thanksgiving [ cheers and applause we ordered 10,000 units. That sounds good. Pretty cool, huh . Theyre speaking to mom in japanese, and mom hears them in english. Can you understand me . Yes, i can understand you. Okay. I have a lot of questions. How do you guys fly . What does santa do in the summer . Is mrs. Claus a good cook . Do you guys get presents . Can you roller skate or ice skate . Save on hundreds ofk black friday doorbusters this thursday through saturday only. Save on home appliances, electronics and more. Dont miss the biggest doorbusters of the season. Black friday, only at target. Cheddar, jalapeno, and sour cream and onion. The spicy nacho stack. I wish i could stack pringles, but i dont have hands. Or a mouth to. Cool, play funkytown. funkytown playing theres a pringles stack for everyone. Sort of. The roomba i7 with cleanng base automatic dirt disposal and allergenlock™ bags that trap 99 of allergens, so they dont escape back into the air. If its not from irobot, its not a roomba™ [ dramatic music ]ing ] ahhhh ahhhh elliott. You came back [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back, you guys today is thanksgiving. Its a day all about giving thanks so, i thought what better day to write out my weekly thank you notes. Do you guys mind if i write them right now [ cheers and applause james, can i have some thank you note writing music, please [ laughter ] steve wow. Hes in a tie. Fantastic. Jimmy thank you, Mitch Mcconnel for always looking like that turkey who was just told today is thanksgiving [ laughter and applause steve oh, no [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, that one relative who always brings a a weird dish to thanksgiving [ light laughter ] great, now i get to enjoy the classic combo of turkey, stuffing and seafood jambalaya [ laughter and applause thank you. No, no one else brought this steve dont set it there [ laughter ] put it in the center of the table. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, folding chairs that have to be added to the table at thanksgiving. [ light laughter ] for really making clear who the b list family members are. [ laughter and applause dont oh, whoa, whoa, whoa [ laughter ] [ talking over each other jimmy oh, no, no, no steve thats for uncle jerry. No [ laughter ] jimmy are you sure you want one sure, you can drink out of the hose in the back we have a [ laughter ] you can eat upstairs [ laughter ] take your jambalaya with you [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, stuffing for being wet bread with amazing p. R. Team. [ laughter and applause steve were not wet bread, were stuffing jimmy everyone eats it every year [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, macys thanksgiving day parade balloons for looking how were all going to feel later that day, every day [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause [ popping thank you, cranberry sauce for looking, like a can, but tasting also weirdly like a can. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause steve its jiggly. Jimmy its kind of a sauce steve yeah [ laughter ] jimmy ill give it to you. Steve yeah, sure, sure jimmy youre a sauce steve yeah, okay cranberry sauce, not cranberry jello jimmy more like a jello [ laughter ] steve you look exactly, like the can get out of there [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, post thanksgiving dinner for being the one time thats socially acceptable to unbuckle your pants in front of relatives. [ laughter and applause steve uhoh. Jimmy thank you, black friday sales, for being the perfect way to get some Holiday Shopping done for anyone who hasnt heard of the internet [ laughter and applause if go at six in the morning steve yeah, you can get there and you can get a good dial jimmy you can get 64 inch tv steve yeah [ light laughter ] you ever gone to black friday sale [ laughter ] jimmy no steve what about cyber monday [ laughter ] cyber tuesday . [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, turkey trot 5k run, or as ive always called it, a great idea for next year. There you have it. Those are my thank you notes well be right back with tracy morgan come on back [ cheers and applause man and woman [bursts of talking to animals] vo it feels good to give back. attendant thank you so much. woman oh, you are so welcome. vo you can choose the aspca to get two hundred and fifty dollars from subaru when you get a new subaru, like the all new outback, during the subaru share the love event. people talking for every dollar you spend at a small business, an average of 67 cents stays local. Shop small and watch it add up. Small business saturday by American Express is november 30th. When better chickens are hatched, we will hatch them. Its why all of the tyson chicken that bears his name is raised with no antibiotics ever. Every nugget, strip and drumstick. Keep it real. Keep it tyson. I am totally blind. And non24 can make me show up too early. Or too late. Or make me feel like im not really there. Talk to your doctor, and call 8442342424. Hvr dips. You either love it or you really love it. people talking for every dollar you spend at a small business, an average of 67 cents stays local. Shop small and watch it add up. Small business saturday by American Express is november 30th. Muright nowng there is more private information on your phone than in your home. Your location. Your messages. Your heart rate after a run. These are private things. And they should belong. To you. [lock clicking] [ cheers and applause jimmy our first guest is one of my favorite people on the planet starting in january, you can catch him live on the no disrespect tour. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome tracy morgan [ cheers and applause jimmy oh oh, thats what im talking about. Jimbo Jimmy Tracy Morgan i love you, buddy. Welcome back to the show you know it jimmy happy thanksgiving thanks for being here on thanksgiving you too, baby its Holiday Season, man jimmy it is. I love it. Its going down [ laughter ] jimmy its going down. But you know, Holiday Season is different in white households and black households jimmy thanksgiving is different . You know the holidays you know see, white people you got easter, thanksgiving, halloween, christmas, new years jimmy yeah in the black household, we got two holidays, the 1st and the 15th [ laughter ] jimmy what thats when you get your welfare check. Jimmy oh, i did not know that oh, i did not know that. [ laughter ] the 1st and the 15th. Jimmy i did not know thats a holiday. Jimmy yeah [ laughter ] but thanksgiving is the same though, right . No, like thanksgiving its different in a black household, man. White house, everybody is cool they have a [ bleep ] good time and all that and, you know, that black household, when they pop open that smirnoff, its going down [ laughter ] you got them two heavyweight uncles theyre always still fighting over the same stuff every year [ laughter ] they start the fight about one of them saying, well, we can move some furniture in here. [ laughter ] move some furniture. Jimmy wait, so they move furniture . Were going move furniture were big. We gonna start a fighting. We gonna move some furniture. [ laughter ] jimmy thats not true at all. Yeah. Jimmy no yes, it is. Jimmy well, how about you . Do you have family over to the house to celebrate no. [ laughter ] jimmy why . I get a small turkey. Thats it. Jimmy just you and a small turkey yeah, just me and a small turkey [ laughter ] you start asking you start asking for that walmart money. No [ laughter ] no if you make me explain that no one more time jimmy yeah, yeah so the family all wants the walmart money. Yeah. Who wouldnt jimmy thats terrible. This gets crazy you know some people some family members dont give gifts as big as, you know everybody cant get hit by a walmart truck [ laughter ] so you dont get no walmart gift you give Bobs Discount Furniture gifts. [ laughter ] you get raymour and flanigan gift [ laughter ] you dont get walmart gifts. Jimmy raymour and flanigan right, quest . You dont get that gift. Jimmy well, tomorrow. ]e when your daddy get hit by a a walmart truck, then you can get that [ laughter ] jimmy tomorrow is tomorrow is what, jimmy jimmy this might the first time you called me jimmy i call you jimbo all the time jimmy yeah thats weird thats my man thats my man, jimbo [ light laughter ] jimmy tomorrow is black friday see, black friday i dont get down with that [ light laughter ] black friday is crazy. You can lose your life in the best buy [ laughter ] people get trampled to death on black friday [ laughter ] you could lose your life out there, jimbo [ laughter ] going up in that best buy. I would be so mad if i got trampled to death on black friday i would get to heaven now, just be looking at god like this. [ laughter ] all the other stuff i did and i got to lose my life because somebody decided slash prices on the 27 inch zenith . [ laughter ] jimmy a zenith i didnt even know they made zeniths anymore. Yeah, they make zenith. Jimmy i dont know and they do and they also make frigidaire. [ laughter ] i know where to get a frigidaire my grandfather had a a frigidaire jimmy yeah [ laughter ] im old school, man jimmy yeah, i know i still turn my tv with clippers [ laughter ] come on. Come on. [ cheers and applause that was when good times was just looking ou of the window [ laughter ] daamn. Damn [ laughter ] jimmy we have big news we may or may not talk about tonight. What . Jimmy well, you told me backstage the government . [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah was the government . Jimmy yeah yeah, im the whistleblower [ laughter ] me im the whistleblower jimmy you cant just say that though. No, im the whistleblower. I told trump i told d. Trump, give me my money or im gonna blow this whistle. [ laughter ] i want my money, d. Trump. Jimmy he owes he owes me 37. 50 jimmy what [ laughter ] he said 50 cent you petty. And my obese aunt said like she always you damn right [ laughter ] you damn right. Jimmy why does he owe you . Im going to keep blowing until i get my money d. Trump you damn right. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause jimmy well, weve known each other for ever, man i saw you last week on snl with will ferrell and you were unbelievably funny i love seeing it [ cheers and applause you two together i went home jimmy you two together whenever me and you go back to snl, were home, ma and the lasagna is great [ laughter ] six different cheeses. Jimmy yeah isnt it fun to go see the people, same people and you go, oh, my gosh i remember this person. Yeah, yeah. And still blowing that whistle, cause people there owe me money. [ laughter ] im a whistleblower, america. But the government is always on me anyway, especially around tax time they always on me. Jimmy they do . You feel like something went down aint nothing go down i pay my taxes on time jimmy yeah yeah [ laughter ] maybe they just want to hang out . Talk to you. They always want to hang out. You know what the irs stand for . I run s. [ laughter ] i cant say the word s on tv [ laughter ] jimmy this is a family program. I appreciate you absolutely. You know why uncle sam got that pointing at you. Jimmy yeah i want my money. [ laughter ] thats what hes saying. Jimmy can we talk about snl though cause i heard a story that you met lorne years before you were on saturday night live. I did i was working at Yankee Stadium in the old stadium, gate four. Jimmy for real yeah, gate four and he used to go to gate four and i overcharged him for some souvenirs. [ light laughter ] you know the little yankee bat and two pink shirts. Jimmy yeah it was like it came out to 25 i charged him 75 cause i knew he was lorne michaels. [ laughter ] and one day in the office at 3 00 in the morning, i left money on his desk. He said tracy, whats this for . I said, i overcharged you. [ laughter ] now im getting saturday night live money. So yeah, i gave it back to him [ laughter ] jimmy overcharged him two pink shirts. Of course then little bats you damn right. [ laughter ] jimmy heres what hes talking about. Thats my aunt. I love my aunt, man, cause she has bingo wings. Jimmy whats that . Shes obese she got bingo wings. Like, when hit bingo, you hit bingo, bingo. And the wing start [ laughter and applause thats bingo wings bingo. [ laughter ] jimmy everybody is ducking people ducking and diving out of the way i used to count her stretch marks on her stomach [ laughter ] jimmy hey, not all of us had toys, you guys [ laughter ] we did. We did [ laughter ] that was our Christmas Jimmy that was your christmas . I want to talk about your standup special. Your standup tour. Ive seen you do stand up this is goin down. Jimmy hundreds of times. And its phenomenal. Please go see tracy. Youre doing january 25th lakeville, pennsylvania and youre doing february 21st, red bank, new jersey im in d. C. Too jimmy youre in d. C. Yeah, they got me in d. C. Somewhere on there i got to be careful cause d. Trump goin be out there. [ laughter ] jimmy well see when that is he aint happy about me blowing that whistle jimmy hes not psyched about that at all. No, but he should just pay you back 37. 50. Its not a big deal. Mr. President , if youre watching he does watch. Please give me my money, d. Trump [ light laughter ] jimmy just give him the money back thats all when we come back, can we talk about old times . Lets talk about it jimmy more with tracy morgan when we come back, everybody. Stick around [ cheers and applause congrats, kim you got your own car, with your own insurance. No more driving that old handmedown. Did you trade it in . My parents handed it down to my little brother. You ready . Yea. Surprise no. Not beige betty you guys cant do this to me, seriously . That car is like a rite of passage. How do you expect me to drive this . Just turn the key. And yea, its just uh, automatic, dual cupholders. Go with the one thats here to help life go right. State farm. Well, maybe not forever. Saturday is the last day, so shop early to. Save on puffers. Kitchen electrics. Sephora, and bath towels for 2. 99 your last chance for black friday deals jcpenney your last chance for black friday deals im Christina Stembel and i chose the spark cash card from capital one with unlimited 2 cash back on everything i buy why wouldnt i get this card . i redeemed 115,000 in cash back, which doubled our Marketing Budget last summer. Whats in your wallet . Ding, ding. Oreo for santa. A, you dont know how this works, do you . Itsmy first day. Ahhhuuuuggghhhaaa you comin . Save on hundreds ofk black friday doorbusters this thursday through saturday only. Save on home appliances, electronics and more. Dont miss the biggest doorbusters of the season. Black friday, only at target. May your holidays glow bright and all your dreams take flight. Lease the c 300 sedan for just 399 a month at the mercedesbenz winter event. Hurry in today. Wean air force veteran made of doing whats right,. Not whats easy. So when a hailstorm hit, usaa reached out before he could even inspect the damage. Thats how you do it right. Usaa insurance is made just the way martins family needs it with hasslefree claims, he got paid before his neighbor even got started. Because doing right by our members, thats whats right. Usaa. What youre made of, were made for. Usaa [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back, everybody im here with tracy morgan on thanksgiving [ cheers and applause go see tracy do standup in the no disrespect tour tracy and i have a lot of history together most people think that we met on saturday night live. We go back further than that tracy and i actually were together at the same Cooking Network back in the early 90s [ laughter ] yeah. Jimmy it was called eatstv. What were we doing . Jimmy i know, man. Between shows we would do the segments where we gave the audience cooking tips. But to keep our line readings fresh, our director wouldnt let us see the lines until while we were shooting [ laughter ] so, we were reading them for first time right there on set. Well, i found some of our old footage. I swear. What . Jimmy i swear. [ laughter ] so, for the first time in decades, here is tracy and i on eatstv [ cheers and applause youre watching eatstv. Your home for recipes, restaurants and really good food stay tuned for tips from the eatstv kitchen [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome to eatstv. [ laughter ] coming up, ill teach you how to make homemade Panda Express step one, break into a zoo step two, steal a panda. [ laughter ] step three, realize youre way in over your head and just order Panda Express. Bon pandatite [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ive got a great recipe for stumpkin pie [ laughter ] first, you got to find fresh stumpkin so, dont get one with a face. Those stumpinings are scary [ laughter ] i hate scary stumpkins [ laughter ] theyve got skeleton teeth [ laughter and applause jimmy my favorite food in this order are cheese, chick peas, peas, chicks, chick cheese did i say peas already [ laughter ] peaches, beaches, cheesy reeses, beats, beefs. Heck, all the meats, fries, and pies, and wings, and thighs and telling lies [ laughter ] noodles, strudels, fruit loop coogles. [ laughter ] yodels yodelayheehoo [ laughter ] so horse my favorite food is horse. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause on thanksgiving, chew like chewbacca. [ laughter ] chewbacca used to my favorite star wars character, but then he got behind on his Child Support payments [ laughter ] he really did this jimmy no, here [ laughter ] eggs, flour, water and milk. Thats what i used to use for birth control. It doesnt work. [ laughter and applause i got eight kids off the books [ laughter ] jimmy the best cooking advice i can give you is to always use fresh ingredients, like this lemon that was just picked this morning. [ laughter ] you know what i mean im glad im doing this. [ laughter and applause i called tony the tiger, anthony because of the respect of what he does for breakfast. [ laughter and applause jimmy how come the cat food is called fancy feast . Do cats think theyre better than me . [ laughter ] well, guess what, cat, i can eat cat food, too. I want chicken i want liver i want to sleep in a little basket on top of the heater and clean myself with my tongue. [ laughter and applause its not delivery and its not digiorno its britney, bitch. [ laughter and applause jimmy dont waste your money on expensive takeout when you can make a delicious meal right at home. I like waffles. Thats why i turned my house into a waffle house. [ laughter ] i sleep on the grill and it burns my buns. [ laughter ] both waffle house burns my buns [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause eatstv, who wants seconds jimmy thanks to tracy morgan right there [ cheers and applause stick around more tonight show after the break, everybody [ cheers and applause the holidays are here and so is tmobiles newest, most powerful signal. And we want to keep you connected to those you love, with the new iphone 11. So tmobile is giving you an iphone 11 on us for each new line of unlimited. For yourself, or up to a family of four. Keep your family connected, and hurry into tmobile today, to get up to four iphone 11s on us. Only at tmobile. Only roomba i7 uses two multisurface rubber brushes. And picks up more pet hair than other robot vacuums. And the filter captures 99 of dog and cat allergens. If its not from irobot, its not a roomba™. I suff. For so long. Asis. It was kind of a shock after i started cosentyx. I wasnt covered anymore. Im not constantly thinking about it. Im still clear five years now. 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Thats a lesson politicians in washington could use right now. Im tom steyer, and i approve this message. Cheddar, jalapeno, and sour cream and onion. The spicy nacho stack. I wish i could stack pringles, but i dont have hands. Or a mouth to. Cool, play funkytown. funkytown playing theres a pringles stack for everyone. Sort of. We ordered 10,000 units. That sounds good. Pretty cool, huh . Theyre speaking to mom in japanese, and mom hears them in english. Can you understand me . Yes, i can understand you. Okay. I have a lot of questions. How do you guys fly . What does santa do in the summer . Is mrs. Claus a good cook . Do you guys get presents . Can you roller skate or ice skate . [ cheers and applause jimmy our next guest is one of our favorites and on new years eve hell be performing at the comerica theater in phoenix, arizona please welcome the very funny brian regan. [ cheers and applause hey [ cheers and applause wow. [ cheers and applause thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Wow. That is tremendously nice. Thank you very much. Well, happy thanksgiving [ cheers and applause all right. Well, i will share this with you. I suffer from o. C. D. Obsessive compulsive disorder. Yeah, thank you. [ laughter ] suffer, that word is overused, dont you think . I think the term suffer should be reserved for people writhing in agony on the ground [ laughter ] theyre suffering, you know . Am i allowed to run up to them youre preaching to the choir [ laughter ] i have to alphabetize everything [ laughter ] quit wiggling around im trying to count your ribs [ laughter ] the alphabetizing thing is not true, at least in my case. People think im weirder than i am and its hard for me, you know [ laughter ] like, they ask questions, like brian with your o. C. D. , do you have to alphabetize your books at home . And im, like, uh, no. [ laughter ] i organize my books by when i got them chronologically on the top shelf. [ laughter ] i dont have to alphabetize my books. Im not a cook [ laughter ] and the bottom shelf is for the books i finished reading, organized chronologically. [ laughter ] i dont have to alphabetize them [ laughter ] and the middle shelf is for the books im in the process of reading. Those are organized chronologically. [ laughter ] when i start reading a book i just move it from the top shelf to the middle shelf. And i know exactly what youre wondering, well, wouldnt reading the title of the book count technically as being in the process of reading the book then how would you distinguish between the top shelf and the middle shelf . [ laughter ] well, the way i do it, i make myself read all of page one before i allow a shelf change. [ laughter ] i dont count the introduction or the forward or the book jacket i do read all of that word for word, but then i make myself read all of page one all the way to the bottom. Unless it ends in the middle of a sentence, i make myself turn the page [ laughter and applause i finish the sentence to complete the thought, i turn the page back, i write down what date that book started and move that to the middle shelf furthest on the right. I dont have to alphabetize my books. Im not out of my mind [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause you know, when i first suspected that i might have o. C. D. , i googled it and there are different symptoms and some i have and some i dont. And the ones i have, some i have more strongly than others so, i decided to make a color coded graph. [ laughter ] i wish i was making this up. [ laughter ] i listed the symptoms and i said im going to rate from zero to ten how strongly i feel i have each symptom. Ill total it up and divide it by the number of symptoms. [ light laughter ] if im higher than five, ill seek professional treatment. [ laughter ] if im under five, ill self diagnose that i am aokay. [ laughter ] number one, are you the type of person who has to check the stove over and over again to make sure its off and im, like uh, zero that is looney tunes land. [ laughter ] number two, you are the type of person who has to wash your hands repeatedly and i had this nagging feeling that i forgot to answer that first question [ laughter ] so, i looked up. Yeah, i did write zero okay, hand washing [ laughter ] six. Im, like that aint even right. I scribbled that out i got some ink on my hands i went to go wash my hands [ laughter ] while im washing my hands im, like why did they mention stove . So, i checked the stove. It was on. [ laughter ] im, like im never going to make this mistake again and came back and changed hand washing to two [ laughter ] i did the whole test and averaged fivepointzero so, im like i still dont know. [ laughter ] so, i decided to buy a book about it i got to get to the bottom of it somehow, right . [ light laughter ] i go into the bookstore. I ask the clerk, can you tell me where the self help section is . And she said, why dont you try to find that yourself. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] well, i finally found the section. It was so disorganized, i spent the next three hours rearranging all their books, rather than finding out whether or not i have o. C. D. [ cheers and applause thank you very much. Thank you. [ cheers and applause jimmy brian regan. Brian regan come on, brian regan brian regan, im sorry i sometimes i turn into you sometimes you have to get down low. Jimmy get down like that [ laughter ] brian, thank you so much for that ive wow, thank you. Jimmy ive been a fan of you for years. Thank you jimmy i love your act. Ive never seen you, i believe, get heckled. But im sure everyone gets heckled at once or twice in their career i get i dont know i dont get mean heckles i get, like weird heckles. [ laughter ] i was doing a show and i wanted to do my airline joke. So, i said, hey, i just flew into town and i did my airline stuff. Jimmy yeah later, without thinking, i wanted to do my Greyhound Bus jokes. So, i said, hey, i took a a Greyhound Bus into town, not realizing i just said that id flown into town. [ light laughter ] later, same show, i wanted to do the rental car jokes. So i said, hey, i drove a a rental car into town. This guy in the back goes, hey thats three modes of transportation. [ laughter ] jimmy weird heckle the first time in the history of comedy, the word modes was used in a heckle [ laughter ] how do you come back after that hey, quit paying attention [ laughter ] im trying to i do my act. You guys are more on top of my show than i am jimmy i follow you on instagram. Is it brianregancomedian . I dont even jimmy you dont even know . [ laughter ] brianregancomedian on instagram. Okay. Jimmy yeah im not good at that whole world. Jimmy sure you are i dont know, man like, when i tweet, i never want to sound too young, but i also dont want to sound to old. I saw metallica in concert jimmy uhhuh and i wanted to tweet that they were great. But i didnt want to come off, like a young whipper snapper [ laughter ] but, i also didnt want to sound, like an old fuddy duddy so, i settled on, boy, these fellows sure know how to boogie. [ laughter ] jimmy thats the thats ridiculous. Come on now. Do you use emojis . Oh, the emoticon thing is confusing me, man. [ laughter ] i dont understand anything. [ laughter ] jimmy is it called emoticon . [ laughter ] i dont know. [ laughter ] i heard someone calling them emoticons. If theyre supposed to helping with communication, theyre not working with me. They are of faces ive never seen in the actual human condition. [ laughter ] the one with the oval mouth and all the teeth are showing. Its no the smiling, nor is it frowning so, what the hell does that convey [ laughter ] see you thursday . [ laughter ] i hope this is my dentist. [ laughter ] and then they have the one with the one eye open, one eye closed, tongue sticking down jimmy yeah ive never seen a human do it [ laughter ] i dont know how to feel when i see it [ laughter ] want to go to a ball game this weekend . [ laughter ] not if thats how you behave in public [ laughter ] jimmy brian reagan, everybody. [ cheers and applause catch him on new years eve at the comerica theater in phoenix, arizona jason aldean performs next, after the break. Stick around everybody [ cheers and applause [ electrical buzzing ] [ dramatic music ] ahhhh ahhhh elliott. You came back [ cheers and applause jimmy performing we back from his new album nine, give it up for jason aldean [ cheers and applause wheres the guy in th steel toes covered in dirt just a rock n roll tshir headed to work with a pack of red ma in his pocke hes kind of red man but hes rockin wheres the beat up tel and the marshall stack little Marshall Tucker and a sixpack wheres the good ol boys and the good ol day straight u gettin sideways we back we back we back in the speaker back in black gettin blasted in the bleachers its probably tru what my momma said i do it just lik my daddy did we back we back we back in the saddl back on stage making the whole place rattle back with the atea train on the track thought we were gone but you wrong now its on we back [ cheers and applause wheres the chick wearin blue jeans a little too tigh got a grip on a koozie if its what she likes getting picked up in a picku and kickin it wit guys like us we back we back we back in the speaker back in black gettin blasted in the bleachers its probably tru what my momma said i do it just lik my daddy did we back we back we back in the saddl back on stage making the whole place rattle back with the atea train on the track thought we were gone but you wrong now its on we back sun comes up an sun goes down yeah everything goo comes back around we back we back we back we back we back in the speaker back in black gettin blasted in the bleachers its probably tru what my momma said i do it just lik my daddy did we back we back we back in the saddl back on the stage making the whole place rattle back with the atea train on the track thought we were gone but you wrong now its on we bac we back we back thought we were gon but you wron now its o we back we back we bac its probably true what my mama said we back we back we back in the saddl back on the stage making the whole place rattle back with the atea train on the track thought we were gone but you wrong now its on we back [ cheers and applause jimmy oh, my gosh jason aldean we back. Nine is out now. My thanks to tracy morgan, brian regan, jason aldean once again. [ cheers and applause and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching happy thanksgiving i hope to see you tomorrow byebye, everybody [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its a very special thanksgiving episode of late night with seth meyers. Tonight hilary, larry, and josh meyers a special edition of jokes seth cant tell. And well play pictionary with the meyers family, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause seth happy thanksgiving, everybody. Im seth meyers. This is late night. How is everybody doing tonight [ cheers and applause yeah that is great to hear. In that case, lets get to the news today was thanksgiving, so if