Totally, bro. This sanitizer puts new york to shame, just like we did in the 2004 a. L. C. S. Dave roberts was too fast for mariano, bro. Sorry, bro. Too fast. Our Hand Sanitizer aint made by no prisoners, is it, markey . No, its made by people who should be in prison but they got off because theyre wicked smart. You want sanitizer youre in luck try our product yankees suck its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight new york state of mind. Plus, stephen welcomes and Peter Sarsgaard featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey how are you . Hllo, friends its nice to have you here. There you go very nice. It just warms your heart to see these nice people here. How delightful. Welcome, welcome, one and all to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Coronavirus is all anyones talking about, and ill talk about it some more tonight in tonights edition of goin viral. Touch my body. Stephen there are now how many . Over 900 confirmed cases of the coronavirus in 36 states, and one of the worst hit states is right here, new york. Start spreading the flus applause much of the activity here has centered around suburban new rochelle, which has the largest cluster of these cases in the united states. Well, this afternoon, we got a big announcement from new york governor and man who just heard someone cough, andrew cuomo. laughter governor qoam on announced plans to enforce a containment area for a onemile radius around the center of the cluster. Oh, what a clustersuck. laughter as part of the response, Governor Cuomo has called in the National Guard. National guard . Containment area . These are family feud answers for the question name something you hear in a zombie apocalypse. laughter show me oh, god hes eating my brain cheers and applause now, the National Guard is not there to enforce the containment area. Instead, they are going to help with the cleaning of public spaces and to deliver food to homes. And i think we have a picture of the areas new dominos guy. laughter but this is a very brave action being taken by these guardsmen. So, guardsman, i salute you. Oops, im touching my face. Now, people in the area can still travel freely, but the containment zone blocks any large public gatherings in the area, to prevent further transmission of the virus. Oh, so its just a precaution. Nothing to worry about. In fact, Governor Cuomo tried to calm anxious residents, saying, this is, literally, a matter of life and death. laughter show me literally a matter of life and death big choice. A good one. Jon ding, ding, ding, number one stephen number one answer because of anxiety over the coronavirus, everybody wants to stay sterile, and that has led to a lot of price gouging in the state. For instance, purell was selling for 79 in one manhattan hardware store. Well, side say thats certainly not. A true value. laughter in response in response, yesterday, new york state announced that it will be producing its own Hand Sanitizer, to be available at local government and state agency offices. And, since its new york, it will also be available on a folding table next to a fake Louis Vuitton clutch, used paperbacks, and a bootleg dvd of mister poppers penguins. laughter now when when applause when Governor Cuomo made the announcement, he did it with style. Open the curtain, please. We are introducing new york state clean Hand Sanitizer made conveniently by the state of new york. Stephen heres what troubles me i shouldnt be this excited sanitizer. laughter if this were the price is right, when that curtain opened it would have sounded like this. cheers and applause now jon thats what it sounds like, right on. Stephen the governor helpfully demonstrated how to use Hand Sanitizer. It has a very nice floral bouquet. I detect lilac, hydrangea, tulips. Stephen as cuomo lilac, hydrangea, tulips. And since this is new york, all of that is being overpowered by garbage, and subway poop that you hope is from a dog. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. applause although, dont get too excited about that floral bouquet, as cuomo explains just to clarify, i said this had a floral bouquet. That was a joke. laughter stephen its not really a joke if you just Say Something that could be true but isnt. laughter hey, guys, its my birthday oh, happy birthday its not my birthday. That was a joke. Hey, everybody ted here thinks i tell the truth when i talk. What a jackass by the way, why does everyone hate me . Fear of the virus has had a huge effect on the economy. Yesterday, the dow fell 2,000 points, so the president immediately held a press conference to announce his plan to plan to have a plan to do stuff. Were going to be meeting with House RepublicansMitch Mcconnell, everybody and discussing a possible payroll tax cut or relief, substantial relief, very substantial relief. Were also going to be talking about hourly wage earners getting help so that they can be in a position where theyre not going to ever miss a paycheck. Well be working with companies and Small Companies, Large Companies a lot of companies so that they dont get penalized for something thats not their fault. Stephen as trump im here with Mitch Mcconnell and others to announce hastilythrowntogether measures that feel like im throwing handfuls of dry dog food at a charging tiger. Heres a tax cut maybe some loans substantial reliefs for everybody Small Companies fat companies sexy companies Ugly Companies tell me when one of these works. Anybody send up a flare. cheers and applause today, trump emerged to address a worried nation about the virus from the capitol buildings official chamber of echoes. Just stay calm. It will go away. Be calm. Its really working out. And a lot of good things are gonna happen. Stephen really . laughter because thats what i kept telling myself about you, and three years in, no good things have happened. cheers and applause the president seemed to downplay how Many Americans might be in danger. Reporter have you been briefed that up to 100 million americans could ultimately be exposed to the virus . Ive been briefed on every contingency you can possibly imagine, many contingencies, a lot of positive, different numbers. All different numbers. Very large numbers. And some small numbers too, by the way. laughter stephen as trump big numbers, like seventyteen berzillion. small numbers, like 3 and its a 3 in a really, really tiny font. the point is, i know all of the numbers and most of the letters. L. P. M. Youd think trump would be taking the threat of the coronavirus more seriously than this since he might have it. See, someone at the conservative Political Action conference, or cpac, later tested positive for coronavirus. And some republicans, like senator ted cruz and representatives paul gosar and matt gaetz have had to selfquarantine at home. Our thoughts and prayers are with their families. laughter the most recent person cheers the most recent person in trumps orbit to selfquarantine is representative mark meadows, who President Trump just last week selected as his next acting chief of staff. That is a rough start to a new job. Welcome aboard, mark heres your keycard. Snack rooms down there. Parkings in the rear. Now get out of here for two weeks while we burn everything you touched. One republican who has refused to selfquarantine is texas representative louie gohmert, seen here snorting the steeple. laughter gohmert also came in contact with the coronavirus patient at cpac, but he has declined to selfisolate after a physician said he could return to work if he observed proper hygiene protocols. Sounds okay, but yesterday, rather than limit nonessential interactions, gohmert chose instead to lead a large group of children around the capitol that consisted of well over 100 kids. as gohmert disease vectors you know the expression children are our future . Well, were gonna test that theory today okay, highfive highfive come on. cheers and applause at the Economic Press conference, reporters asked mike pence about whether trump has been tested. Reporter has the president been tested . Sir, hes been in contact with people who were in proximity to somebody who had the virus. Let me be sure to get you an answer to that. I honestly dont know the answer to the question. Stephen as pence we dont know the answer to that question, because we keep putting the swabs in his mouth and he keeps eating them. He thinks theyre tiny cotton candies. So President Trump, who is now surrounded by people who have gone into selfquarantine, still hasnt been tested for coronavirus. That means well just have to keep our eyes open for any signs of sickness, like mental fogginess, or poor sleep, thinning hair, and strange coloring. Not only has trump not been tested. He seems proud of the fact that hes not taking any precautions to protect the people around him. For instance, yesterday, trump arrived in florida and immediately began shaking hands with people waiting at the airport. Yikes thats like not using protection when having sex with a porn star you just met at a golf tournament. laughter who would do that who . Would . Weve got a great show for you tonight. Charles barkley is here. But when we come back, joe biden gets feisty. Stick around yeah, you know the happiest place on earth, but. Did you know this is where you can harness your inner jedi . And tear around radiator springs . Or get your flex on with the incredibles. Kids enjoy the magic for just 67 per child per day, with a 3day 1park per day ticket. Kids enjoy the magic for just 67 per child per day,. Doesnt mean you got to spend a lot because dennys brought back the super slam™. With eggs, hash browns, bacon, sausage and pancakes. All for just 6. 99. The 6. 99 super slam™ is back see you at dennys cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody. Welcome, welcome, one and all, back to the show. Thank you. Thank you, jon. Im back out here. Jon, one of the greats thanks, everybody. cheers and applause please, have a seat. Were back over here. More monologue. I thought i was done with the monologue, and they said, theres more monologue so you should stand over there. Our first guest tonight is one of the alltime greats a great talker, too, not just player. Charles barkley is here to talk about march madness. Jon dream teem. Stephen what else has happened . Tonight, six states held their primaries, including one of the areas hardest hit by the virus, washington state. Luckily, all of their voting is done by mail. But there is some worry that the mailin votes themselves could be a source of contagion, so the state just introduced this actual new slogan about their ballot envelopes whether healthy or sick, please dont lick. laughter yeah. Its better than the last election, when they were battling an s. T. D. Outbreak with the slogan, please dont slurp if youve got herp. laughter thats thats actually true all the time. Thats great advice. Sound wisdom, jeremiah. Thats not all the big election news. Ill catch you up on the latest in tonights edition of in i beat trump corn pop was a bad dude. Bing, bing, bong, bong. Fury road to the white house 2020. The showdown to find a place to sit down. The gloves off. The dentures are in. Two old men enters, one leaves. Come on, go its fury road cheers and applause stepen i hope theyre okay. I hope theyre okay. The democratic primary is down to joe biden and bernie sanders, and as of today, projections at fivethirtyeight. Com say joe bidens chances of winning the nomination are 99 out of 100. as bernie betrayed by the 99 laughter what next . Et tu, metamucil . laughter old men need fiber but joe seems intent on bringing down his own odds. Today, while campaigning in an auto plant in detroit, he was confronted by a progun voter, and he didnt handle it all that way. You are actively trying to diminish our seconnd amendment right and take away our guns. Youre full of bleep . Stephen ww laughter applause wow, joe, what happened to malarkey . Come on, the last thing we need is another president i have to bleep. Biden tried to explain himself to the voter, and it almost led to fisticuffs. I support the second amendment. Im not taking your gun away. At all. You need 100 rounds when you say youre gonna take our guns i did not say that. Thats not i did not say that its a viral video. Thats a viral video like the other ones theyre putting out. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Take your ar14. This is not okay. Dont tell me that, pal, or im going to go out and slap you in the face. Stephen wow he is threatening to fight a voter we havent seen this kind of roughandtumble campaign since William Henry harrisons tippecanoe and nutpunch too laughter applause bidens team is aware that the only thing that can stop joe biden now is joe biden. So they have a bold new strategy shorter speeches. In fact, we have a preview of his new stump speech. applause barack obama cheers and applause thank you. cheers and applause stephen well be right back with charles barkley. President trump and Vice President pence held a press conference to discuss the Coronavirus Task force. Lets listen in. I think weve handled it very, very well. I think theyve done a great job. The people behind me have done a great job. Mr. President , have you been tested . Has he been tested . I have not been tested for the coronavirus. Has want president. Sleep this amazing . Thats a zzzquil pure zzzs sleep. Our gummies contain a unique botanical blend, while an optimal melatonin level means no nextday grogginess. Zzzquil pure zzzs. Naturally superior sleep. Musi ladies and gentlemen shadow featuring de la soul get ready, yall get ready ready set jump to the rhythm as hard as you can go keep it steady steady, to the letter, right . Turn it up, we giving a show hey hey hey, whatd i miss . Ready, set steady, bet and my lack of impulse control, is about to become your problem. Ahh no, come on. I saw you eating poop earlier. Hey my focus is on the road, and thats saving me cash with drivewise. Whos the dummy now . Whoof whoof so get allstate where good drivers save 40 for avoiding mayhem, like me. Sorry hes a baby are haikus better than fleece . Than. Fleece edition. Uh no way grapes . pet rocks . What . are wizards better than fleece . you stole my bit neil. And no, nothings better than fleece. Get thirty percent off everything or forty percent with an Old Navy Credit card. At old navy hey allergy muddlers. Achoo . Do your sneezes turn heads . Try zyrtec. It starts working hard at hour one. And works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Zyrtec muddle no more. Where the prices make all the dresses yeses. Yeah save 20 to 60 percent off Department Store prices on our best selection of spring dresses. The ross spring dress event, on now what . Oooh. Ahhh. No. Yeah . Yes oh yeah si. Yes. Thats the sound of saving 20 to 60 percent off Department Store prices. At ross. Yes for less. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back ladies and gentlemen, folks, my first guest tonight is an n. B. A. Hall of famer, an olympic gold medalist, and a studio analyst on inside the n. B. A. He will be covering march madness right here on cbs and turner. Please welcome back to the late show, mr. Charles barkley applause cheers . Stephen when a hit . There you go. Just in case. You dont know where ive been. Hey. Stephen yup. Okay, lets talk coronavirus for just a second before we talk sports. Sure. Stephen how is that affecting your life . Not at all. Stephen its not . No you. Stephen dont have to worry about the germs, about the viruses, or anything like that . I mean, i hope unfortunately some people have passed away and some people are sick but you cant stop living your life you know. applause . Stephen positive attitude. No, well, its like, this debate where we dont let fans come to games. Im like, okay, if they dont come to games, are they not going to live their lives . Are they not going to go to work . Are they not going to go out and have dinner and things like that . You cant stop living. Just not coming to a basketball game, i dont think thats going to solve all the issues. Stephen as a player, how important was it for you to have that energy of the fans . How much did that affect your play, a real, live crowd . It affects you a lot. It gives you a great energy boost. Sometimes youre tired when youre playing three games four games in five nights or youre just physically or mentally exhausted. The crowd is really important. It wouldnt be good for the game not to have fans. Theyre an intricate part of the process. Stephen lebron james says hes not going to play if there are no fans out there. Once he misses one of those checks, he might change his mind. applause . Stephen he might in the make rent. Im pretty sure lebron makes about 2 million a week, every two weeks. I think once he misses a couple of checks, hell be back out there. laughter yeah. Stephen you will be covering march madness. Yes. Stephen it starts one week from today. Are we going to see march madness with no fans . Thats just march. Thats just march sadness man. It would be sad. Stephen yeah. It would be really unfortunate. Like i say, if you feel bad, dont come. But its such a great event. Stephen yeah. I tell people, i was blessed to play in the olympics twice. applause yeah. Stephen which two . Which two . 92, 96. Stephen 92, 96. Barcelona. And atlanta. Stephen okay, sure. Other than the olympics, march madness is the greatest thing i have ever experienced the last few years we have been covering march madness. It would be a travesty if the fans werent there. War eagle. Thats auburn. Stephen news from this past weekend speaking of the olympics, actually. I understand youve been doing a little marie condoing. Youve been simplifying your life in a few ways. Youre looking to sell some things. Im getting rid of all the crap trophies i ever won. Stephen theyre not just crap trophies. Youre selling your m. V. P. Sps trophy and 96 olympic gold medal. And a bunch of other stuff. Im from a small town in alabama called leads, and its a really small town. We need some new housing. Probably 30, to be exact. And im going to sell all my im going to keep the 92 for my daughter. Stephen the 92 gold medal. Everything else i have a bunch of good stuff im going to sell. Man, its just clutter, you know. Stephen thats very enlightened of you. I tell people, when im 70 i cant be saying, hey, guys, come over and look at my trophies. Stephen what else are you going to do . Im not that, you know, crazy. Stephen whats something of yours is there anything beside the 92 med all wouldnt give away, you wouldnt sell . Whats precious to you . A favorite pair of shoes. No, man, come on. Stephen a lay z boy chair. I have a chair i watch the sports from. Stephen it takes a lot to get to your body shape. Not with this ass, it doesnt. Stephen your ass takes control of that chair, shows whos boss. Goes right down and gets comfortable immediately. laughter . Stephen let me ask you about another n. B. A. M. V. P. Your friend Shaquille Oneal were not friends. We work together. Stephen good to know. Good to know. He lost a bet to dwyane wade recently, and the the the the bet was, if he lost the bet, he had to let his hair grow out, so we could see where his present hairline is right now. And there it is. What do you make what do you make of this . That miebt ugliest thing ive ever seen. Stephen i have to ask you this. This is here are you. This is you at auburn right there. Yeah. Stephen here are you in the 80s with your hairline back in the day. applause looking good. Man. Stephen where would your hairline be these days . I didnt have that bad hairline like shaq. I have a big hole in my head. I didnt have a receding hairline. I just had a big donut in my head. Stephen you had the male pattern back there . Yes. Stephen we fixed you up with new hairlines to see what you looked like if you let your hair grew out. We call this hugh grant from weddings and a funeral. Right there. Thats a hard no. Thats a hard no. Stephen this is the i pity the fool, right there. Yeah. Not bad. Stephen not bad. Well naught right there. Put it on the side. This is the i want to hold your hand. This is the beatles. Thats a hard no. Stephen thats a hard no. Stephen and, of course, who can paz up the fabio right there. I think if you trim up that a little bit, i might be good. Stephen sure, sure, yeah. I dont like hair for a dude way below his ears. Stephen oh, okay. Like your cut is tight. Stephen oh, it is . I want that on a card. My cut is tight. Yes. Stephen okay, he d. J. S, shaq. Hes actually pretty good, believe it or not. Stephen really. Yeah. Stephen does he have a d. J. Persona . Like some people take on a name. D. J. Diesel. Stephen because hes like a train you cant stop him . No shaq diesel, just something he made up. Stephen i love how much the tone of respect you put in your voice. I will tell you this. When were supposed to be watching the games at work. Stephen yes. Hes in the back practicing. Stephen d jing . We have to put him on another side of the studio. He practices. He puts his time and effort in. I have to give him credit. He actually should be watching the game. But he doesnt watch the game. Hes in the back doing d. J. Stuff. Stephen when did you first meet him . Did you meet him on the court or off the court. I met him on the court. And i said, what the schedule that . Hes the biggest human being youre ever going to meet. Stephen ive never met him. Have i met him . Have we had him on . No, we couldnt fit him through the door. laughter i would like to meantime him, but i never had a chance to. Hes a wonderful guy. Stephen yup. But hes the biggest person youre ever going to see. And you can imagine when he could really run and really jump, have a guy 72 who could pretty much outjump anybody and outrun anybody. He was a physical freak of nature. Stephen he can still do that. No, he cant. Stephen thanks to the miracle of icy hot. He can rub that. Youve seen those commercials, right . Yeah. He could take a bath in that stuff and he cant dunk anymore. Stephen he doesnt have to jump. He just does this. Thats the thing. Hes fun to work with. Hes got a great sense of humor. Stephen charles, we have to take a little bit of a break. Dont go anywhere. Well be right back with more mr. Charles barkley. D of the ri. Play my straight outta the shire playlist. I want to see the king. Find lebron. Search more cartoons. Play the last o. G. Take me to the streets, play sesame street. Me want more cookies. [cooking show] soft and cookielike on the inside. Find the things you love with a voice command. Introducing at t tv. With live tv and access to streaming apps. Visit att. Com tv. Ladies, my friends and i are having a debate. I have a back rash. Alright. Whoa, mara. I laugh like this. [ laughs obnoxiously ] its just not my scene. I couldnt help but over do you like insurance . I love insurance. Did you know you can save money bundling home and auto with progressive, and renters can bundle, too . I know, right . [ laughs ] [ singing continues ] whyd you stop . I was listening. [ microphone feedback ] how we worship, or who we love. And the 2020 census is how that great promise is kept. Because this is the count that informs where hundreds of billions in funding will go each year for things like education, healthcare, and programs that touch us all. Shape your future. Start here. Learn more at 2020census. Gov what started at my dining room table, has grown into a serious operation. Thats why i chose the spark cash card from capital one. With unlimited 2 cash back on everything i buy why wouldnt i get this card . i redeemed 115,000 in cash back in just one year which doubled our Marketing Budget last summer and i saw 69 growth year over year my spark card is more than a credit card. It has actually helped me grow my business. Whats in your wallet . It has actually helped me grseaonly abreva cany to help sget rid of it in. As little as 2 1 2 days when used at the first sign. Abreva starts to work immediately to block the virus and protect healthy cells. Abreva acts on it. So you can too. Neutrogena® rapid wrinkle repair®. Weve got the retinol that gives you results in one week. Not just any retinol. Accelerated retinol sa. One week is all it takes. Neutrogena®. Just a blur when they jumped the median. The corner of my eye. There was nothing i could do. daughter daddy dad vo shes safe because of our first outback. And our new ones even safer. avo welcome to the allnew subaru outback. An iihs top safety pick plus. The highest level of safety you can earn. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, were back here with charles barky. Charles, this year, retired n. B. A. Star kevin garnet right there he got a lot of props for his performance in uncut gems. He was really good. Stephen what are some of the best and worst performances of athletes that youve seen in hollywood movies . Ive got a couple. Okay. Stephen what did you make of lebron james in train wreck. I actually saw that. That was really good. Stephen yes . Im a big amy schumer fan. Stephen yes. Very talented. How about lebron. Did you enjoy lebron . Lebron actually did really good. That was one of the few times he made fun of himself. He was really good. Stephen how about kareem . I thought kareem i thought he was great in airport. And when he started screaming at that little kit kid, that was hilarious. Stephen how about tyson in the hangover. Did you see that . I did. He was really good. I like mike a lot. Ive known him for a long time. He was great in the hangover. Stephen lets get down to some serious acting here. How about shaq in kazzam. That maybe if not arguably the worst sports acting job of all time. applause . Stephen and how about you in space jam. cheers and applause arguably, the greatest sports movie ever. laughter applause . Stephen yeah. Yes. Stephen undoubt undoubtedly. Yes. Stephen space jam wasnt the first time you had to perform, right . I understand you actually had to put on an acting exhibition during your draft. What year was this when you were drafted . 84. Stephen 84, okay. Well, you know, i was kind of heavy in college. Stephen uhhuh. Soy weighed about 295 pounds when i was in college. And the sixers wanted me to get down to 285 to draft me. So i went down to texas and got down to 285. And then back then we had a hard salary cap. Stephen for the team . Yes. So the sixers made me stop in philly before coming to new york before the draft. So i got down to 285 pounds. My agent sits me down and he says, charles, you know, you might have to play for 75,000 if you get drafted by the sixers because of the hard cap. I said, dude, i didnt leave college for 75,000. I could have made that in college. Im just kidding im just kidding laughter applause so we go out, i got two days before i have to go to phi got e grass lambs. We went out and i got two big porterhouse steaks two days in a row. And when i stopped in philly i weighed, like, 305. laughter and then im standing there, im all excited, the sixers are not going to draft me. And the next thing i hear, the 76ers draft charles barkley. And if you go back and look at this awful videotape, i got this look on my face because i want to cry. laughter im like, i left college for 75,000. But they traded some players and gave me a little more cash. Stephen uhhuh. Yes. Stephen and which parent were you acting . Oh, because i was like i was really pissed. laughter . Stephen so you had to pretend to be happy about it . Yeah. When you get drafted you have to look happy. But i didnt leave college for 75,000. Stephen can i see you pretending to be happy . applause see . Yeah. Stephen very good, very good. You can watch march madness on cbs and turner starting tuesday, march 17. Charles barkley, everybody well be right back with Peter Sarsgaard. Soaring voices sing ] [ music begins to build ] [ drums beat faster ] introducing an unlimited coffee subscription for 8. 99 a month. At panera, your cup is always full. Nyquifor your worst cold andrful relieflu symptoms, on sunday night and every night. Nyquil severe. The nightime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, best sleep with a cold, medicine. Hello, i saw you move in, and i wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood with some homemade biscuits oh, thats so nice and a little tip, geico could help you save on homeowners insurance. Hmm cookies uhh, biscuits. Mmmm, is there a little nutmeg in there . Oh its my mums secret recipe. You can tell me. Its a secret. Is it cinnamon . Its my mums secret recipe. Call geico and see how easy saving on homeowners and condo insurance can be. Ill come back for the plate. Saving on homeowners and condo insurance can be. Wherever we want to go, we just have to start. Autosave your way there with chase. Chase. Make more of whats yours. applause shouldnt you pay less when you use less data . Now you can. Because Xfinity Mobile gives you more flexible data. You can choose to share data between lines, mix with unlimited, or switch it up at any time. All on the most reliable wireless network. Which means you can save money without compromising on coverage. Get more flexible data, the most reliable network, and more savings. Plus, get 300 off when you buy a new Samsung Galaxy s20 ultra. Thats simple. Easy. Awesome. Call, click or visit a store today. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is an actor you know from an education, jackie, and the magnificent seven. His new show is interrogation. Hes in here . I didnt think a boy culd do Something Like that. If we clear him, ill sleep a lot better tonight. Mr. Fisher. What . We cant ask eric to take the poly. It has to be his idea. Understand . Stephen please welcome, Peter Sarsgaard applause thats what im doing now. Stephen blowing cizs from a distance . Thats nice. Nice to meet you. Thank you, nice to meet you. Stephen congratulations. I think we just missed your birthday weekend. Did you. Stephen 49. I tried to miss it. Stephen why . Its great. You have the big one coming up next year, 50. Im going to spend the next year training to run 50 kilometers. Stephen now how much is that in everybody distance . Everybody distance . I think its 31 miles. Stephen wow. So more than a marathon. Yeah. Stephen why . Why . laughter . You know, i guess ostensibly because its 50. Its 50. It makes sense. But also because a number of years ago when i turned 40. Also ran 50 kilometers, which doesnt make much sense. Stephen it does not. I was about to say. This friend of mine, this return, scott jurick. Americas great longdistance runner. He was in the book born to run. He said he wanted to honor the Long Distance runner ted corpet, who was an African American runner plawz. Yeah, ted corbett, a new yorker. And his training route was one lap around manhattan, which turns out, if you do the whole island, we started at the united nations, we ended there, is 50 kilometers. So i ran that with him. Stephen is it eye nice run . It was a nice run. Its not so nice under the f. D. R. , as youre coming in for the home stretch. And it was raining, and no one had told me about, like, chafing. Stephen oh, no. And i was actually fine in every other way. I was totally prepared. I was you know, so when i was 39, i trained for when i was 40. Stephen sure. Its something i do every decade. And youre supposed to put, you know, on all the places, youre supposed to put some stuff. Stephen youre supposed to lubricate your nipples. Yes, you are, and your armpits and your groin. I didnt do any of it. And i was wearing these shortshorts, and it was raining so it was just. slapping and for the home stretch the only thing on my mind was get all of my clothes off of me and just like do that. Stephen was there anything left from the rubbing when you got there . Or did you look like a ken doll when they took everything off. Youre in the upcoming batmanment. I am. Stephen the batman with robert pattenson. Theres a new character created for the movie called gil colson. Yeah, and im a district attorney. And im basically a politician that has trouble telling the truth. Stephen oh. What a novel idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stephen novel idea. Of course for the people out there who you may not remember, your lovely wife, maggie gyllenhaal, was also in the dark knight. She was. Stephen do your children have to choose which nonbatman character from a batman movie they love more . Are they prepared . Are you going to put the screws to the kids . Hers of so lovely. Her character. Im a pretty distasteful person. Daddy doesnt play nice people, typically, typically. The guy in this is not very nice. Stephen you have a novel approach to working on a batman movie, because this is if i have this right is this you up on this frontend loader . Yeah. Stephen this is you building a bat house. That thing on the top say bird house but for bats . It is. You know, basically, bats want to be up high to protect them from predators. And this thing is a box, and its very shallow, but its big. And you paint it black because they like to be at 100 degrees or so. Stephen oh, really . And they get all real tight in there. Underneath tyou can see, i have a compost heap for my garden and theres bleep on the compost. And then that gives me my my nitrogen. You know we need that. Stephen we do. And so i actually went to pattenson and the director and i said, i happen to know about them. We have over 200 bats in that bat house, and thats pretty good, considering with the white nose fungus that is killing a lot of bats in the northeast, like, six million. We have a big problem. Stephen you do know a lot about that. Yeah, i do. So i went eye went to them, and wed been working on this scene for days. And i said, you know, actors typically do a thing called an animal exercise, you know. Like you would sayue know, even if youre not playing batman. Im playing this politician. Maybe im a hedgehog. A porcupine, Something Like that. Stephen a baboon spine. And i go through a little walk and go through it all. And i said, i happen ton about them. Are you interested in . They both kind of looked apt me and i took out the pictures to show them what i was talking about. You typically hear batman playing sotto voce. And i said, a bat is an animal that goes like screeching and they fly really erratically. And they like to be really tightly packed with each other. So wouldnt it be cool if you had a scene where you just were like, yo, you know, like, gettig really, really uptight with people. And, like, you know, when you flew, you didnt fly like gracefully, but it was kind of like this. And, you know. Anyway, i told them all these stories about bats and everything, and everybody just kind of looked at me. And i really meant it. I was like, we have an opportunity to do something different. laughter like, you know, what i mean . applause right . Yeah. Stephen i look forward to that movie. I look forward to that movie. Good. Stephen lovely to meet you. Thank you so much for being here. Happy birthday again. Good luck with the 50k. Can. Interrogation is available on cbs all access now. Pete get to the ross spring dress event, where the prices make all the dresses yeses. Yeah save 20 to 60 percent off Department Store prices on our best selection of spring dresses. The ross spring dress event, on now just like covered california helps you find Health Insurance you can afford. Theyre the only place you can get Financial Assistance to help pay for Health Coverage. Plus, this year, the state is providing more help than ever before. And because a new law requires californians to have Health Coverage or pay a penalty, covered california has made it easier to get financial help, but you gotta sign up by april 30th. Visit coveredca. Com or call to enroll today. What . Oooh. Ahhh. No. Yeah . Yes oh yeah si. Yes. Thats the sound of saving 20 to 60 percent off Department Store prices. At ross. Yes for less. Stephen thats it for the late show, everybody. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be hank azaria and avenue fives suzy nakamura. Now stick around for james corden. Its niall horan week. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late late show