Can you leave my plumbing out of this Freddy and could you please stop pretending to be a street kid from Brixton it doesn't fall anyone and though I'm not usually familiar with the Argo of Black use I suspect they don't talk like that at all so why not just be the posturing privileged and pampered brat that I know you to be there's no shame needed any more you know posh boys are back it's alright not to be upper class fake and useless just look at the conservative from Bench wait a minute wait a minute I think I've got it new Can't believe it has style plus anti aging Sarah it's not a woman at all is it no because you turn the boy Mother we can no I has not turned party boy he's just about to record his 1st the d.l. Part cast the politics in it and I write my text note well. Yes. You see as a print journalist I've never cared about how I looked my byline photo from 988 just serves me well but those days are gone you see when millions and millions of people can see you online Oh you mean the Well actually actually Oliver says I could go back to revive virus Yeah all of it was lying I don't think he's the editor it's his job to Lot wait a minute look what's coming in and pay at 1030 this morning music legend Elton John was arrested in Wolverhampton for assaulting a security guard in a branch of our own while witnesses claims that Elton trying to strangle the guard next to the jewelry display cabinet I'm on it I mean I'm mourning I've often thought of strangling people in August I think it's something to do with the catalogs I get this online right away I'll just take it off the was and fix up a bit do you really think Elton John buys his Jory at all costs I sometimes think he might all girls in Wolverhampton but he's going to be someone text me these people do have private lives maybe there's some sort of camp thrilling buying in bling in the back country anyway it'll be checked it'll all be checked I'm going to put a big team you don't have a big team Amelia all of the newsroom was fired a month ago when I make a couple of phone calls Ok Ok sorry so I should leave you to the big serious and very important Elton John story while I write up a 1000 words of trivia about the latest terrorism bill if I'm allowed a 1000 words that is probably be sucked down to about $200.00. On the flight I need to hear it will be a pleasure as they come in come in and how they used to her my rushes back and I couldn't sleep last night my mother has been rather difficult I'm having terrible problems with the dishwasher happening but apart from that I'm far good for what I need to tell your allies we put 18000 on our circulation yesterday lad did brilliant I never thought I must room. Wall chart will be so popular thought it had all been done before but there you are you were right and I was wrong and it's not every day you hear an editor say that so well there aren't as well that yes thank you but I have to tell you we may have to shed a few jobs around here but I want you to know marketing manager won't be one of them no. Good and only for I don't know quite how to explain in fact I only just heard about it and I realize that you as just come a point where you're busy are a leak Campbell nuclear power plant hushed up at a high level. Is this an exclusive Yes brilliant You bet I'll clear the front page get everyone you can onto it thing else has name only is going to get a bit busy that there is a bit of a problem don't tell me all the mushrooms on your wall chart are poisonous. Not to all of them. Just one but it's very very police and us that. Then you are I mean then you have a section illustrating all the lethal varieties that you had to avoid Yes the danger of poison so yes well it wasn't in that section Well where was it then in the delicious fried with butter and garlic section oh God I know I'm going to tell it all my fault and I think that's a possibility does name yes oh yes it comes as no surprise to me my fingers to the bone to keep this newspaper afloat but when it's a disaster that it's me to blame Well this is a disaster and you are to blame. God nobody appreciates me nobody appreciates my wall charts to you. But all over this country there are millions of kitchens with marble chants on the wall friends to come mom has name nobody actually puts war charts on the wall what happens is people go into their news agency that we're giving away a free mushroom watch and say oh great I've always wanted to identify types of mushrooms because some of them are poisonous and it's usual the next time I'm out gathering mushrooms in the woods which they will of course never get round to doing but nevertheless they buy our newspaper when they get home they take a quick that they say that looks jolly useful and very pretty and I must get round of putting it up on the wall some time and then all the hour for crap that we get away with every edition spilled out on the floor and they think Oh God this is all too much and the next more of a car find the wall jar anyway and they think sod it I'm a whole bloody pile of baby gets shocked out that how war charts work that's very unfair I can feel right and the time to starting up anyway we can't miss you miss will chart hasn't gone up in a while I mean even one dead reader twisted up lifelessly on the line and pulled him 100 a stiff accusing finger on here for pointing at our wall chart will wouldn't because it was a no no in any of circulation drop of one God Just think of the pub listen to the newspaper that kills people. Yes. Call him. Why would it be a small leak but if the nuclear power station is leaking people need to be told why can't you stand it out now we're pursuing you mad what now that. Lesson from it's all about is no. Yes Yes At the time. The news editor appears to be losing a board or models of both I don't think either be able to go to mushroom again not on 8 mushrooms because I'm allergic to them but if I want to are still wouldn't you see why no tears me here's how I see it we could issue an apology and a warning which would mean a huge amount of bad publicity just when we got our 1st exclusive would have been months all we could we could just hope that nobody snuffed it and even if they do say that it's connected to us all right but good glad you agree now you got it here in Italy my need to draft a leader about the moral bankruptcy of government. This is very nice of you to help me record my podcast ready no worries bro see my contract to help out shufflers with the technical stuff on the shufflers Judy great for Freddie you ready yes yes . Hi I look into the lens right yes Maddox That's right you look into the lens and then you talk can you see my cross feet you know the wrinkles on your forehead draw the eye up and what about my hair I mean it's supposed to look volumizing your hair is the bomb but is that positive straight up ready right I told measure to keep an eye open online because I go fungal viral viral. I know we'll take you this is a video podcast is not news night Ok. Right I mean I might have to look at my notes during it you don't need notes man you don't want 48 seconds go of the politics minute the last 48 seconds I mean putting an ad at the start it's an outrage Can we please do this thing Maddox big story that I need to get online for yes yes I know the nuclear leak nuclear League is a great story not that the open John bling Bania. Is I think you should check that story and double check and then check it again by which time it be yesterday's news and use just so last century mower years it's so last century to make sure you've got the facts right Case them by 5 for free action Welcome to the politics minutes my name is Matt Express and today I want to commend if you are not looking to feed for God's sake mash our car Yes see I mean the studio thought about the really the only communities need to Bizzle the earth yes I do I measure as do I as well stressed musher you think I am not stressed when the journos think only of print them have no respect for the web doesn't love the really upset look what I'm doing now is for the web isn't it so can you please stop nagging me just because I haven't engaged with the so called feedback from a bunch of online nutters All right that why don't you just go in have a hot vodka and let me get on with my work no no no how often I have told you I hate the world I think borscht I had bully knees I had cabbage soup I ate tell Thore I hate the Russians full I think my homeland I hate this i need i hate all being the last and is terrible blaze that out yet with the skiing's good Masha good bye Yes All right sorry. A moment let's lay one down. Welcome to the politics minute my name is Maddox Bradley today oh just don't answer it he v. Yeah yeah tell him it's all over was the see what let him wait now standby queue Me Ok turning over q. You welcome to the politics minute my name is managed by Lee and this is the politics minute I think I just repeated myself. To see you do come in how is the politics minute I'm afraid I have seen it yeah good I think despite its enforce brevity it is uploading it now versity coffee glass or something out of the air why are you being nice to me and I think I see yes I don't normally nice to know so could you stop it and can you tell me why you've also seen me mushrooms mushrooms mushrooms are as in water yes as a problem and the need to follow days. She is a mushroom our water place I need to follow days in the delicious fried with butter and garlic section which is a bad idea because I may need to follow days is the most frequent source of mushroom poison if you know this and you didn't tell me what you do to your sore it to me is put up in the newsroom presumably as some kind of collective punishment I think people put out all to ask you to take it down. Well I want you to do something for me a matter of fact is well a short time ago I received a call it appears in one of our readers a woman in Brighton to actually eat one of the many to follow that I guess those she did know not dead apparently she only nibble that them but she's in hospital so what you want to do as well sort of yes flowers and mommy to make sure she shuts up can do that why not be an ethical matter if you're a journalist what if she runs after the red tops and tells them that we try to bribe or even worse why don't you do it I'm no good at that sort of thing and you do you should job if it came out whereas I'm dispensable that's how it works not this is all over you know the top man never falls upon the sword anymore and on the rare occasions that he does he departs with several 1000000 pounds of tension too easy you editors of the hedge fund managers of journalism banker language matters please if I do this well I'm going to pay right so he said he never gets a pay rise anymore well apart from the very rich and they act to get it otherwise they go abroad for the rest of us no pay rises and longer and longer hours since we went multi-platform if you will insist on calling it I never have to file for the print edition which used to be only one deadline and now after what load versions of the story throughout the day I have to blog I have to respond online to the mass ranks of morons out there who comment upon everything I write and now that I'm doing the politics minute I'm spending a fortune on my hair I thought your head was looking better and I'm getting the same money as 5 years ago you know that's very odd most people have paid God that's an anomaly Maddux I'll have to look into that election day come on that is the whole future of the paper is at stake circulations down advertising revenues down it's all very grim one scandal who pushes over the edge I'm asking you to save us. Dramatically. Here. Take it there's 25 grand in that on the look obviously if you can get a shot up the less I'd be grateful I don't like it all and there's no other person in the building I trust with this you know that don't you anyone else around here we're gonna have 5 grand and keep the wrist but I know you're not like your incorruptible what if she's incorruptible to hell is not much of that around these days man it's you're an exceedingly rare creature No no I won't do it all to us final sorry. Is that my politics minute Yes Still it is online already if I think I'm a bit pressed for time matters or I then let me do it can't bear other people swear the thing was on my mouth sweaty right here we go commercial 1st. Screw the. Scene you're. Making like. And. Welcome to alt expect. Track if you touch my mouse What are you doing fortunate that they not. See me or Moby who I'm not going to be a promoter of stead of for the elderly and infirm it's the politics minute Not that you knew there was going to be any reason to be that is nothing to do with me this is all handled by marketing they are not the appropriate advertising I don't get involved at all appropriate and why did they think it was appropriate to have my politics many place alongside paraphernalia for what I do marketing of the scientists a podcast and all thought so they put in some old fart advertising designed to appeal to other old farts all thought so and so far to me they can even climb the bloody stairs on their own I'm not old you know I'm not I mean I'm not even elderly and I'm $5156.00 which is not all that everybody in this business is so be sort of the digital technology they think you're middle aged if you're older than 25 and don't have your trousers on you down below your bottom with your underpants showing up it. That I thought particularly the states for who got it you got me sounded like an old fart which I am not I have an i Pod and I sympathize but as I really do car commercial we get little enough revenue from the online version as it is every penny counts but I want to different commercial I was I don't know something with bare chested young men spraying deodorant on themselves what's being oh go buy don't lie beauty is in diaphanous underwear can't be a part of let's go broke ass for the Lib Dems Maddox just must be a commercial for stairlifts he can be baked beans for all I know no no no no not not maybe not being something sexy very something manly sorry it can't be done oh really could it be done while I'm in Brighton do you think you know what I mean Brighton shutting up mushroom woman thereby saving the paper that she's well out of order that it is isn't it all right you're wrong. All of the reply steak very rare with fries and burning source lots of it good for you son I like the lime marrow to plant with organic krill plant I'm very good so thank you. I don't like meeting you here a 1000000 you know why I have to vegetarian options No I have mean they're men you know God knows I'd rather not have to stare into a sanguinary stated close quarters and it's much too public it's the most discreet table has got I know who but friends of my wife have been known to eat here. Editor news editor much together what's to suspect I don't know making an easy stop touching my hand when one Right right I thought you wanted to leave your wife and set a pen with me no I do I do why you were afraid of her finding out well I want to be able to break the news to her myself directly honestly like a man doesn't sound like a man to me Look if you must hold my hand could you do it under the table All right . Cheating yourself Oliver if I set a pen with you within 6 months you'd be getting back to your wife. Never mind let's enjoy it not for since Don't touch me there he said and. The tape yes but that's not my hand not why was it so urgent to meet it today what is it that couldn't been said in the office I don't mean to sound I'm romantic but you know Wednesday is a never good what we're all over my mother has been almost wiped out by the recession Well I'm very sorry to hear that Amelia but you must she invested in Lehman Brothers and then she stash away rather a lot in Iceland and well. Just about all she has left are a few 1000 shares in u.k. Nuclear facilities limited she thought quite reasonably that given the government's love of nuclear power it would be a safe investment but if you run tomorrow's story if what you mean is I run tomorrow story Amelia you know you're not suggesting that story are you know I'm suggesting that if you care about me you also care about my mother my poor poverty stricken old mother another hapless victim of the recession well I'm sorry but stop touching me like that people are looking. I can't support or all of a not on the salary I'm given this one has neither here nor there or not here they don't do that please cut the service here is really very slow isn't it I wonder should we just go. I expect you have to go into a home little certainly finish off but that's your decision Oliver that's your decision I just hope you're able to sleep at night with the death of an innocent old lady on your conscience I don't like this comes as you can see that there I knew what you do like. Me. When we're not eating but we will be soon and unless we leave of course please don't do that not not there not here. I'm free late this evening on you are oh god yes yes peace homo yes we know that yes yes yes yes. Yes Yes No no no sorry did you know all there is no no no I mean. I mean Poland a lot of problems are quite. Maddux Thank God you're back with your folks for itself because I wanted to let you suffer just as you made me suffer with that stairlift for heaven's sake that has been replaced or I I get my part of the bargain now how you can join us it took quite a lot of persuasion Yes I'm sure their charm and money of course come to the point where you she's a great storm about the mushrooms Wonderful thank God for that I'm very grateful thank you Maddox your well nobody else is called in with reports of mushroom poison I think we're probably in the clear Oh good good yes I see you spike the nuclear story there oh yes the lawyers got jumpy is that can't be too careful can you know you can't especially when your news editor has a close relative with a potential interest in the well being of u.k. Nuclear facilities Ltd I can't think what you're referring to white frankly Oliver I'm sure quite frankly I don't need your approval now the cash the 25 grand Did you have to give a lot Nope she was more than happy with 5000 that's to reject Max Yes isn't it so can I have the 20000 that's left over you know why not I don't have it you don't have it I donated it to Greenpeace you did what is the press doesn't seem to think it matters some is going to keep an eye on the nuclear industry. Don't you agree. A Maddox national once a word with you really I suppose I'm going to preach that to breaking some ridiculous rule about being polite to bloggers could be you has no respect for bloggers my books that is went out of order better no respect for bloggers than no respect for the truth does not mean truth difficult concept Freddie how long you have or I get you is blaming me for that little misunderstanding about John little misunderstanding you almost put that story up online and why because you believed everything you read and none of it was true some of it was there was a security guard assault that needed jewelry display in a Wolverhampton our God is yes by Ilton John tribute act with a borderline personality disorder who is playing the no good Bob Which of us. I think anyone could have made. Maddox come in please to take Steve. Moore you stop calling me your eyeball your smasher you do not this time I like your politics mean what is good yes oh yes I said. Talking of which the ads you know the steady diet of beginning what do they replace it with something better I think go to the Tell Me Don't tell me let me guess a top of the range car of a high end restaurant an ad for the timeless craftsmanship of a protect Phillipe Watch know is an advert for Eric dial that handsome scream what they do special for this week 50 percent all for seniors Oh my God I will break all of us feel like for him I want blood magics deal Magic's calm yourself down please it is all still good news I don't care I have moved from being a promoter of steady if to a promoter of dodgy pharmaceutical products promising people not promised to live but the aged How can the many good news in my life after that well that is good news for you I have received email from the manufacturers yes then the You years the ply entirely free of charge I don't need it right I don't need it all right all right Belgium right well let us look at the other good news thing the online communities they are buzzing there is much excitement about your politics minute. You have become online phenomenon by yes it is all about number of the hits Maddux and you have got over 14000 in the link 2 hours 40 but that's good isn't if. It's also been uploaded to You Tube Look where it's now a 111000 of you good have been signed have gone viral case you are right up there with the sneezing pandas The fun thing bright eyes and the monkeys playing to get out yes yes yes yes I knew I knew quality would be recognized. Even online I mean his hope for the world yet. Is hold on. But why is that You Tube version called Donald Trump lookalike I'm afraid your new hairstyle is causing. Glad a lot of amusement in my hair cause amusement for the 80 pounds getting it ready for the video is made it was a mistake because the comments the only man to look at Boris Johnson's fare with envy Oh my God I'm laughing stock of fire all laughing stock meds if you had a world wide web sensation look many a 98 in Hungary still not strange at all the men and all that she said why is the balancing a dead squid along because it is even people you know raw commenting on it you'd think they'd have other things to worry about that laughed the people of Iraq and something to laugh at this is the bloody disaster no big success they may ease the all us celebrity now you'll find a whole new audience and all these extra people have come to our website and we make money at the not interested in the content of what I'm saying doesn't matter what I actually write doesn't matter how mad the Maddux you just do not understand the journalism. You know electric Inc not it's was played by Robert Lindsay and all over by Alex Jennings Emilia was Elizabeth Berrington Freddy Ben will bomb. And Tasneem z. To set up electric ink was written by Alice to be eaten with additional material by Tom Mitchelson. The director was Sally. And next week old hack Freddy Chase is a big scoop you can read all about actually hear all about it next week at the same time I am John Holmes and this week on the b.b.c. Radio 4 extra comedy clubs and everywhere else for that matter it's. Great big battles so we have some Christmas treats for you to enjoy the comedy program going it's just a small one it's Christmas expect to. Count all the strong. Expected to. Think the unthinkable but if Christmas isn't. Because we've got some perfectly normal comedy from. Stephen Fry and Sally Phillips. And you know there will be plenty of. Comedy clubs present in the comedy club b.b.c. Radio 4 extra every night from 10 till midnight. Now Tony Hancock fans this is our Christmas gift to you Brian you re creation of a missing episode of Hancock's Half Hour and what with all the election action a couple of weeks ago can you possibly imagine a prime minister. This is the b.b.c. Light Programme. We present Tony Hancock built her Sydney James Andre Malley and Kenneth Williams in . Hancock software thank. You well it's all over the election that is another government has been installed at Westminster the country has reverted back to sanity and defeated members of parliament will now have to find somewhere else to sleep. The 1st of millions has been which candidates would be elected and no one was born interested in this Mr and me and Kong and my friends in asking you to return me to the house of your Member of Parliament I make no rash promises I offer you nothing I cannot fulfil all I do say is one of the bloke is offering a family allowance of $63.00 Bob for every child at the age of 24 and old age pensions for everybody over the age of 26. For those if you want unfortunate enough to be 25 I could only offer you work with long periods of unemployment. But as I stand on the rostrum tonight. Get down off the side what you think you're doing and practicing me election speech you know are still going through with that stupid idea of style of a Parliament I don't think it's a stupid idea to want to serve one's country and our police job and take that cigar out of your math you're not fooling anyone member of parliament forget about it don't you wasting your time it's too late to forget about it I've been nominated proposed seconded accepted and Me 150 pounds deposit has gone in a 100 why did you get 150 pounds the patron put it up with the guy as well as the waiter 150 pounds and you must be crazy Who was it you see the. You I haven't given you a penny Well you didn't exactly give it to me but I haven't got a 150 pound note in cash but there were those empty beer bottles in your room. And I put the other 4 in top and stood me self. Listen are taking a look from you don't do shout at me you may be a Christian the future prime minister of England more than you Prime Minister certainly I've already picked the shadow cabinet go all the lads in Chancellor of the Exchequer but Flanagan Minister of Education Jimmy Wheeler minister of pensions Wilfred pickles what about me Son How about Governor General of Australia no thank you we've already lost India but the whole idea is screwed who's going to vote for you. There right there you are I just let you do election pamphlets from the print is false sets as a would it vote your Labor candidate then 5 o'clock your conservative candidate that's behind your liberal candidate and votes then call up your other party's candidate and you're not taking any chances are you are you going to work this one simple knock on the doors find out their politics then give them the appropriate pamphlet my calculations are correct out of a total poll of 56000 I should get 55999 and I'm still working on the other one who was the opponent of this all sounds just a little bit dishonest Whose idea was it me election agent and his that should James. Bond of guest fancy trust in him that you're sure is not working for your opponent as well to p.v. DECUS of course he's come to think of it I've seen 5 different posters up for him to know it's a coincidence it promised me he's full support Now what does he stand to gain by nothing if I get in I've got to legalize nobody at the dump trucks I think I get a big mistake top leave politics to the politicians it's not for the ordinary man on the street that's not true in a democracy ever. What he has the right to stand for Parliament of course there in France my family are only ordinary people and they've all taken up politics well that's out there when free body gets a turn to be in prime minister but I wait here which Different Well I think Tony will do very well in the election with his experience of the stage and enjoy speaking to a large audience who see well he's never had one before. You feel is right we won't go into my histrionic history I'm standing for Parliament so that's that can I count on your help or not now I suppose so what you want me to do you can be chairman at meetings so it's got some good speakers supported me Sundays got Anthony Eden coming down Monday he's got a night in bed been coming down and on Tuesdays got Clement Davies coming down should be a very interesting meeting on Wednesday why it all coming down. There is it but it gets down to the committee rooms and see if Mr changes organizing things properly right with me grows it like a conservative on liberal all of the must be to me sue to get. This is your election headquarters yes no better it's a pub is it. I must have a few words with Sydney about this he didn't tell me it was a bubble What did you think the bottles inside were he said they contain ballot slips from floating voters. Should must be out of his mind to choose a place like this Oh I don't know we save some money on the posters he's just pasted Hancock on the ones already there see my goodness my uncle. Well we want to thank all. And cookies good for you. And cook for strict. Down we don't cook then you'll feel better you know that one day but. I must say Mr James has done very well with the public city attorney's name is everywhere and even pasted to spill to our favor the pub sign not the best place to put it this is the cock and bull. But let's go in the. Evening for their evening Mr Coffee there in the back thanks excuse me coming through excuse me thank you write your for 5 double top volunteered. For you from the bowl to the how do you tell me going up to the flight. To get all Hancock for the house Come on top of the. No Tony boys you know silly minute I'm on the who are fixing things up would be cheaper assisted canvasser allow slash Now this is Hank Cook's opponent is holding a meeting down the parts of the art I want you and the boys to do Beckley you better go down there Bob Bullock The Chinese won't come in handy Oh and by the way on election day you'll be drivin the cause taken the people down the polling booths Now don't forget find out who their vote in full 1st if you see of a bloke slam the door on the right in hand yet keep it touch say yes oh things go and sit of great great I've got the campaign well I'm the wife of been along all the other blokes me in and I can safely say things are going in the right direction yes yet balls eggs and if I'm with you Larry and so on what do you think our chances are marvelous of got everything organized to not hold in a mass meeting of your supporters he found a square breezy yet one of the slime. For That's not very good is it now which is one of had to take certain precautions such as of spread a few rumors about me of a gays or little things like he's a drug addict to drink like a fish does it June the war left his wife and 3 kids running around will blow and you know the usual election stuff I don't like it I'm very disgusted with the ole thing I had no idea it would be like this. Stoop to anything even attack one's friends usually what the other side of been saying about Bill much worse than what you said about them frankly I'm very worried about it why it's all true I think the only thing is very unethical look you want to get in don't you only put on East means when it grew right for in under candidates and I'm going to pick a Charlie I assure you every non doing is normal election practice now here are your instructions when your address in a meeting and someone else you know could question ask him to stand up why we don't want to bring anybody else do it. Now is a map of the district we've shaded in the areas for and against you that big red patch there charts that big blue on your charts that yellow lump there charts that big green look you haven't got shot me to admit it wait a minute with me strengths lie going on here somewhere always be magnifying glass Oh yeah here see that little white doc down there in the corner oh yes yes you're right there I'm not surprised that's my house. Said What about the area here you haven't shaded in this world we didn't think it worth while canvassing that bit why not use the symmetry. There doesn't seem much point in carrying on does that of course the reason 3 days to go yet a lot can happen the battle is never lost until the votes are counted and if it's any consolation to you Miles the bunny says this is only as personal opinion Mark you but reckons you win but at least $60000.00 votes what does he know about it you counsel. But just in case anything goes wrong we've got to carry on the campaign Oh yes you must go around and speak to the people pass in Italy address public meetings knock at their doors talk to them show them what a good man you are and what you're going to do for the when you're elected by Evans your right Come let's go meet the people. Scuse me thank you coming through your throat Charlaine. Yeah. Well we just have to finish the game we've won John. Woo hoo. And my friends by casting a vote for me you will be instrumental in bringing back to the silent home the great this that has been I had a chance for hundreds of years you will be still Great Britain to its full abilities and the rightful place as leader of the nations of the world you the people who are proud to call yourself British we once photodiodes up by in the nations we look towards us and say this Hope Street salvation you you can't you can't pay your pot gets you in years to come we will carry on until you have your way did you build the rock on which ever your feet. Best much to get up united in a common cause. Months down the broad avenue towards the business of a glorious future spread out before us such as a pretty good job is breaking to day after already done so at last the field of battle lies before us. And every one of you owe it. To you. Thank you. And on top perhaps someone will turn up at the next meeting. Go on to any Let's try some door to door canvassing whom. Your good evening where I meant to be and cocoa a local candidate may I just. Know if I could just have it but you've got the picture stuck up all over the front you're out here keep the butts off me when de book says. The book just hit me hard on me polished up on the way I'm not even trickster ole. Peace Miss Yeah don't close to doing. Good evening near solitude nurtures you bear you know such an intelligent understanding man home rather than. Your escaping saw to what I will talk about it and a dream Oh thank you very much he'd like to. Open the door let me. She's not the candidate i'm not be in I can see you Andre come out what's all the noise about. This year I do hope I've persuaded you to vote for Mr Anka you know your summer school us or our realm or next election our side. Drape What did you do what went on in there what does it matter to any of us going to vote for it's disgusting I have no desire to get votes that way down the mines the whole structure of the British electoral system I am very good shamed if you all come on let's try next door. I mean to me and call your local candidate can I count on your vote No I don't think they still are great Ok when have a cup of tea you got 20. Of them. That's about time she came out of that house to give it a chance she's been of the 3 Yeah but she said in trouble persuading him you have a 3 Aus Ah be willing to change the nationality have to 3 minutes. This year and silly if I've taken up too much of your time I'm not the tool I'm Joey to. Play should you come a game. Like this up off amounts could have. I trust this young lady has persuaded you to give me your vote will she deets Yates of a night he came out to help you as well but then I thought may remember they took a couldn't why not on the other candidates. Good. That's it no more knocking on doors I'm finished with going oh no but I think you have lipstick left not on your face you haven't. I'm so we can have that sort of thing going on over here if that's the way French elections are carried out no wonder they have so many but it isn't the British way we have to think of some other method of getting votes I've got it got around the babies that look at the pups to be silly to young to vote oh damn others one is always a sucker for someone who takes an interest in a kids kiss the babies and the women don't run for yet never miss it just come on lets give it away. How is he dumped her nothing to worry about it just is like case of the diesels planned here you'll be all right a week or 2 will Goodbye Mr Hurd could buy doc to look after yourself to keep away from children as long as I live measles whose bright idea was it to go around kissing all the babies. Don't forget the one with the freckles he said. What about the election sticking it in bed well there's nothing more you could do anyway the fucking finished 10 minutes ago that probably started happening by now trying get some sleep Tony will get the result in the morning if I get off as many votes as I've got spot so sweet the country to worry about it will know whether you close in soon enough you just get some rest Goodnight goodnight and I thought maybe . I hope to get some. A breeze done in my thought as I could. Hear. How wonderful getting. Sleep Let's get some sleep. Counting for well 234. Counting for 567. My skating. Right Honorable and cock I hate those. T.v. Shows. We interrupt this program to bring you the results from. The right honorable and not embarrassing 26058 Jaipur and conservative 6822 Labor looked hurt their church that was there but. The results from Shepherd's Bush Green north. Central Bangkok 83345 and tool. The claimant actually to Bangkok elected both the conservative and labor camps to its full freight their deposits that was Shepherd's Bush for your. Thank you. Thank you thank you my friends of shipments Bush I thank you for the confidence you have bestowed upon me and said to me to Westminster I will pledge myself to do my utmost to justify the faith you have placed in me and I just like to express my appreciation to me to opponents. And toad. For the sporty way in which they've taken their bashing bad luck and that's is a little consolation prize knew at an appointed Goodell thank. You to show how strict the country at that. Mission. But no What's it to. Be a new British parliament met today in the House of Commons for the 1st time and a fantastic position as a result of the Labor Conservative parties having an equal number to. Seats that. The new Independent Member for Shepherd's Bush Green know of Mr and. Neither party can form a government without his support M.P.'s from both parties are desperately trying to persuade him to vote with them on all major issues very unclear I don't think we'll have any difficulty in getting him out to. Do me a favor he wouldn't touch your look too large a dog out of touch with the working man that's your trouble. Standing up to us warfare we have many moving peer groups here are not. Cool bloody option go into great intrigue into the whatever aides say for me Cook and Cook Tommy with us so he . Made a mock last of just about had enough of you and your last and my trust is that enough of your willing to report you to my party leader and family. We need a guy with a. Gun to Mr Hancock thank you Mr Hancock I think scuse me yet as he seems to Hancock anywhere oh yeah you know what it took me to speak of course isn't the 1st time I've been in the Commons you know well you can tell from the way what me feet on the woolsack. Mind you I've never been a member before I was in the public gallery me a coach party was done from Brum we were waiting for the mobile to come in the M.P.'s anyway in they come board we train Berlin Lloyd George because I'm going back a bit and then I left comes in Percy truck short so we all got up and cheered waved and we were thrown out you know it is when a few of the lads get together anyway we came back in by mistake they put us in the government back benches where they would been to see them we had so we didn't get on well you do it at the pictures don't you know there was a very important debate going on effect in the future of the whole world but anyway this debate could get boring no interest at all the a minister was throwing paper ducks about the prime minister was livid they went. Further than is. So anyway we got fed up with this and we said who wants to go home so we all put our arms up and you know what happened when the bill was passed the. Cool. Kid on the right career had to make. Good on funny face this is the b.b.c. Home service it was a newsflash the fantastic state of affairs of questions to the continues with neither side having a majority there is still no government house is at a complete standstill no bills could be passed their decisions made no action taken on any question home economic or foreign policy I told Mr x. Me Hancock Independent Member for Shepherd's Bush screamed off decides which party to support at this moment he is still sitting in the house all right unconcerned as the 2 parties make a dramatic beautiful pop Uglow the Us conservatives try and form a government are you with us Mr I got no there you see he prefers we've driven through her No no I'll come over and conquer the country that stands do you got to join one of us not going to do the man's impossible here yet there were 23 little words domestic animal beginning with a c. And d. Me t. Cat I do spinning. A turn now when drawing to. A Well we just have to carry on without you all right if you'll deal Rab juices while sports on top Come on boys. Here's another news flash the country still being without a government it has been decided to take drastic steps as labor conservatives are powerless having $315.00 seats each just to edge me the independent becomes the strokes Totty of the house therefore the only solution possible has been to softer newest I was called by to come out us and I did I'd ask to form a government. At this very moment to your prime minister the Right Honorable So actually I called m.p. Is addressing a packed house. Good God please base is now going to be a few changes round here 1st of all the country is just about fed up with the way you look keep squabbling with each other because the way the election was conducted I think a few apologies are called for you lot over then above the times what you said All together now 1233. I should think so and you other not you needn't smoke go on on your feet at public just what you said you know the one apologize all together now. Do 3. Days Well that's better now in future we'll have no arguments I'm in charge you got to be more friendly none of this one not one side of the house and one not on the other I'm going to mix you up a date. So you can get to know each other right Bessie over there with Lady tweeds . But I don't give you all wearing the same hats going to the day. No no girls put your hat pins back no fencing in here if you please now. Come on rap over here please next tonight been Don't be frightened he won't bite you Blimey yes . Now let's see where we are. The Morrison brush that quiff down the block beyond you can see. As I was saying I see you so please don't think you cigar ash on the carpet there's a good chance. Now that the days business I just like booth stop comin your day you know on television now 1st of all question time any leave your job by to ask any questions about me policy what about polish it was just tack take it off what about German do away with it man up on where the money is coming from them such as from next week we're going to hold a few darts is here and he won't play any instruments Mr Prime Minister am I to understand you intend to tell the House of Commons into a dog's hole certainly think of the dollar trade put in attraction who it seems to pal a nonstop dancing from Hot Lips hoarse groan and all go back and I don't know revolving Bandstand can easily up as unease and getting in Gypsy's. Mutiny any more that and I told you divisions round begins and none of you getting . Too easy you lot of 1000 a year turning up when you feel like it in future you're going to get paid by the hour and no turning up late you've got no excuse there's a dirty great clock outside. And no going to sleep when you get here that lot at the back Come on wake up get those eyes open wake up when. We. Hiked up like up. To our wake up Prime Minister if you don't mind me but pumped up on to at the house tap tap you've been dreaming say how your maze will act not so good that Feist looks like an explosion in a spotted dick factory. Oh I had a wonderful dream I had tripped I've been elected to parliament and they may be prime minister that. Well you maybe yes Mr James has just come back with the election result Good morning did I get in just a minute is the result your opponent polled 37287 and me now. We demand a recount what went wrong. It was a swing to the right yes but no votes Well yes I can explain that all you'll vote for declared Nolen void why he said would be in Fred's full study of old Mark put in crosses next to you all night on 40000 fold ballots fold so so last week he learned to write though each shelf a bit he didn't put crosses down old what did he do he signed his name and stayed with. That state I didn't get it off the old only hopes and dreams finished Oh never mind tourney you can try again in 1960 s. I suppose so well if you all wouldn't mind leaving me alone now I'm going back to sleep watching you know what I've promised Bessie Braddock the next member Good night. Thank you. Thank. You have been listening to Cox haha featuring Kevin McNally Kevin nowthen Robin Sebastien Simon Reno and Suzy k. And today the music was composed by a body stuffed and recorded by the b.b.c. Contador was turned conducted by 11 cricket the script was written by Ray going to and Alan Simpson on the programme which was recorded was produced by Neil Pearson on t.v. Stirling it was a b.b.c. Studios production. Thanks. Well next week can coax really lucky. Forward to Christmas but then his call up papers arrive and as if that wasn't bad enough his commanding officer turns out to be one Sidney James of course in his Christmas at all the shots another recreated episode of the missing Hancock's next week at the same time. Torrington on b.b.c. Radio 4 extra The crime writer and Brahmi traces his roots I've come back to the Midlands to bring you a selection of programs showcasing the best writing from the middle of the country don't try to sell to seriously don't get it for yourself people are going to bunch of normal use I know will feel. The local writers devolve Benjamin Zephaniah and leak child share their writing process you know the reader is going to start with you know who. I knew to feel the same writing the middle of b.b.c. Radio 4 extra on Saturday morning at 9 and again in the evening at 7. Well that's it for me West Coasters I'm off home for some leftover turkey of course have a wonderful Boxing Day Thank you so much for a company have a great holiday and let's hear what Still to come now with Neil thanks was could you you know unplug your Christmas jump and I may need to avail myself of your socket Good morning this is Neil sleep on Thursday the 26th of December Boxing Day when we all follow the time honored tradition of getting a load of boxes and. Really should you stack stack them. It's Boxing Day. It's 6 o'clock in time for our Ellis Peters' mystery narrated by Michael Holden a case of mistaken identity and a murder weapon originating in Cannes files only tree in Monkshood next after that Brian Sibley explores the enduring appeal of the only children's book to be written by the creator of James Bond in Fleming that's in 50 years of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang in. Back to 12th century Shrewsbury now for our brother convolve mystery a man has been poisoned by an oil that only can file can produce and they also have been chasing around the country after a young lad who's believed to be the killer but it looks like they may have found the wrong boy and only can file has spotted the mistake. Monkshood by Peter's dramatised to radio by bird Coombs with some Michael Horton as the narrator and Philip Maddox his brother can't follow episode 4. What are you talking about man I traced this boy across up account explain yourself Cat 5 now wait boy I saw your name forgot. I am Ed we Bel caught son of Martin Bell cut the master carpenter. A boy is telling the truth. Sergeant a word with you in my lodging if you please. You know so I didn't hear a lot and I guess I shouldn't be surprised if you can't get any had away somewhere so I didn't. And now we are going on I think we should talk the prison the bit was no more than 2 little circles attached to the rear of the gate house that it clean and very rarely occupied court was not a busy one. And so it was that in the early of our Lord 1138 on a chill December night with the stars shining clear and cold in the cloudless sky brother kept violent it rebel caught sat side by side warm and companionable and quite private we change places it wasn't so hot Ed we went to a cousin of my father's who lives by the riverside he has a shed big enough to hide Rufus his son brought word into the town to us and I took father tossed out to me Edwin your one stop questioned and no one was looking for a bony old Pile bald like I get that they never gave me a 2nd glance and then he rode off on the feather bed wetting the monks have it draw the sheriff's man after me and I even took my hoss and then he about don't tell me it's better I don't know all right anyway he got away safe and I eventually let that saga in and his men catch me what do you think they'll do with me. You made the law look foolish and no man in authority enjoys that I should think that someone will come for you in the morning possibly the sheriff himself sheriff. Robert will not willingly deal with an underling and certainly not one who's already wasted his time I've never even seen the sheriff the things people say about him are they true. Gilbert Prescott is a man who will not be trifled with. You will be determined to make you tell him where it has gone. Let him try I can keep my Basha up so that I'll be able to do in the morning when somebody comes in the Council thank you. I learned supposed to be exhorting you to an amended life but to tell the truth I find you a life no.