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[cheers and applause] jon thats our show. Join us tomorrow at 1 00. Here it is your moment of zen. Got some legal weed. My plans are basically to pick up a quarter [crowd cheering] stephen thank you. Thank you, thank you so much. [crowd chanting] stephen thank you. Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I appreciate all that energy because this country remains in the grip of the polar vortex. [laughter] but today has brought new york temperatures in the single digits, and wind chills of why doesnt colbert make his way outside. [crowd cheering] put some hair on your chest. Of course, science tells us that if it ever gets cold Global Warming isnt real. [laughter] thats not just me folks thats noted climate ologist donald trump about this Global Warming [bleep] this is one thing trump knows its expensive [bleep] [laughter] one day at below average temperatures doesnt make you question Climate Change maybe one minute of fox and friends will. Wait until you hear how much al gores books is selling for right now. These a picture thats now circulating on twitter, you can see this right here and it shows the price of the book on the so called Global Warming crises. Well its melted to just one dollar. Its also labeled a super buy. Super buy. No word on exactly where this picture was taken. [laughter] stephen well done. All the best news report. And with i dont know where we got this. [laughter] folks, this anonymous twit pick is a major story because the only reason i ever believe Global Warming was real was because the invent trut inconveh was a movie and made a lot of movie. Thats why i believe in hunting for sport. Logically, if this one copy of an Inconvenient Truth has been discounted, so have all of its findings. What kind of science costs only a dollar, okay. Those little pill that expand in the ping spongy dinosaur. Dont take those, it does not make your penis expand or shaped like a trex. False advertising. This calls into question, folks, all low cost books of any kind. I mean how could the bin be tru bible be true if they give it away for free in hotels. [laughter] maybe i shouldnt banish my wife in her time of blood. [laughter] what about steve ducey for that matter. On amazon you can buy a copy of his parenting books tales from the dad side for just one penny. With prices that low, i have to question whether steve ducey can even father children. [laughter] try one of those little trex pills. [laughter] they work. Meanwhile, americas mooching class just cant stop sucking on the governments teeth which is disgusting. And not just because the government isnt dude. And chairman maobama has another tentacle on his squid. Its a new agenda of class warfare. I hear you focus for the Obama Administration making income hone inoakity on their a. They now put this income inequality debate to the forefront of the election year. The democrats think theyve got a winner in income inequality. Stephen and ducey knows all about income and inequity. While he makes a nice salary they still pay the brown hair guy in small ducey saucages. [laughter] but leave it to the demo crafts to attack the one thing america still makes, vast wealth disparity. Weve got one of the worlds tallest income gaps. If you drop a penny off the edge, 200 Million People will scramble to have it lodged in their skulls. [laughter] its not just obama playing the income gap card, its also hopebama. Since day one im angry too. Since day one this cat has had it out for the rich doing class warfare being a new tierney. Trickle down economics never being confirmed by the facts and talking about quote the idolatry of money. Idolatry nobody on wall street wore ships a golden calf, its a bronze bull. [laughter] [crowd cheering] oh, havoh, stephen oh ha. [laughter] no surprise, comrade franciscos crusade is starting to backfire. About the wealth being capitalism making it tougher to raise money from the wealthy and the cantists of new york city in order to pay for the 180 million restoration of st. Patricks cathedral. Ken lengon says people are upset by pope francis position on capitalism and he tells the pope his critique of capitalism so enraged one dorn that the donor is holding back on contribution. Stephen thats fund raising 101. You dont insult the donters. You dont say girl scouts saying laugh tek. Evidently langon took cardinal aside and said im trying to raise money for st. Pats but my billionaire buddy says your guy back in rome is busting your balls. Tell him ixnay. He understands that because its latin. While you are at it see if you can talk to him about his guy up stairs to tone it down. I mean money is the roots of all evil. Lets tweet that, okay. Moneys like pizza [bleep] even when its bad its pretty good, okay. [crowd cheering] [applause] you can use that one. I think langon put it best when he warned dolan that quote you get more with honey than with vinegar, okay. Hes just saying rich people all like flies. Give them what they want and youll get more of them. And if it somehow violates your precious pleas to give them honey because flies will also eat [bleep] now will this infallible man of god finally realize his mistakes. Here to tell me is chaplain of the colbert Nation Private jim martin. [crowd cheering] [applause] all right. Now sir, jim. Youre the goto guy because youre out with a new book here a big heart open to god conversation with the pope francis. This is him talking the jesuit magazine over there in rome. Your idea to have a conversation you got the forward lets talk about this guy. Theres no greater catholic than yours truly but whats the popes angle on this one. Why is he gunning for the big money people. Jesus tells us to care for the poor and the pope says i care for both the poor and rich alike but he has a responsibility to tell everyone the rich need to care and respect the poor. Stephen hepoor. Hes not attacking the poor. Hes got to attack them both. Thats his gospel. [applause] do unto others, do unto others as you would do unto all of them. Ive been reading a different translation. Stephen okay. But the rich guys feel attacked by the pope because what are we supposed to do to do the right thing. I got a lot of cash. What am i supposed to do for the poor. Well its pretty simple. Youre supposed to love the poor first of all or respect them. And then help them as jesus asks us to. Stephen love is kind of a vague word. Okay. Stephen its pretty but do you mean like love 5 grandma card bert day love or like you know care. Somewhere in between. Stephen somewhere in between caring and 5. I think we are meant to love the poor as individuals. Were meant to help them as much as we can and jesus tells us that well be judged in the last judgment for how well we took care of the poor, the least of her brothers and sisters. If you have a problem with pope francis you have a problem with jesus. That really sounds youre calling in muscle. You have a problem with me you got a problem with my buddy. You sound like a mobster right now. Hes taken care of. Geez says poor for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Theyve got everything. We rich people only have our stuff. [laughter] do you realize what an empty reward that is. It does not nothing for me. Meanwhile the poor people know what its like to be close to god. What would i give to be poor other than my money. Thats the point. I mean christ invites you and theyre Simple Living to help the poor as a way to participate. So its only invitation its not a command or directive its an invitation to love the poor and be with the poor and therefore be with the people that jesus loves the most. Most. Stephen can we talk capitalize. I know the popes not from here and he doesnt get it. By the wait jesus wasnt from here and he doesnt get it either. No, im not a mormon. [laughter] [applause] stephen isnt there something the church could sell us for our money. Are there any indulgences laying around. An invitation for us to look carefully at one another. Thats basically it. Its hard to hear. Stephen its true. But its actually an invitation to participate in a beautiful place which is called the rain of god. Stephen what will i get from that . Joy, peace and eternal salvation. Stephen have you ever been on private jet. [laughter] thats heaven my friend. Thank you so much father jim martin. Big heart, open to god. Well be righte right stephen welcome back everybody. [crowd cheering] every day out there you hear about the government raising taxpayer money on useless scientific research. Studies on do you recollect peen deduc duck migration. Its d and a alphabetical. Prepare the Michigan Tech university has finally done something useful by searching the internet for evidence of time travelers. [laughter] to tell us how we turned to ktbc often news leader. To see if they could spot a time travel by searching for events that havent happened yet. For example they look for pope francis back in 2011. Stephen it seems logical if youre an advanced civilization from the future that has finally unraveled the mysteries of space time you blow your cover with hash tab pope francis. Although if i could time travel i would go back to 1930s germany and come up behind hitler. Today thats the poland adolph, thats the poland. Ive had it. [crowd cheering] unfortunately despite the size of the search new time travelers were discovered. Yet somehow, i know that in the future these guys wont be receiving any more research grants. [laughter] anyway, that settles it. Time travel does not exist. Not so fast stephen colbert. Stephen who are you . Im the time traveling brandy thief. I have appeared on your show in the past. [laughter] stephen great. In the past. Thats impossible. Oh, is it. Then where did i get this newspaper dated yesterday. Stephen oh my god. So youre tell meek tha tellingl does exist. I think youll find the answer in the bottle of brandy under your desk. Stephen theres a bottle of brandy under my desk. Not anymore, ha ha ha. Stephen brandy thief. While were at it colbert, is this your car. Stephen i never picked a card. Pick a card. Oh my god. It is. [applause] you see stephen what you failed is a study disproved time travel may have done the opposite. Stephen are you suggesting we may all be time travelers, that the present is in fact just a future of people riding the time stream from the past . Uh, yes, yes. Maybe i dont know. Im getting a little confused about whose from the future and whose not. What year is it . Stephen 2014. Thank god, i just wrote 2013 on a check this morning. I must travel to the future and call my bank. Poof. [laughter] [applause] stephen where did he go. The time t t nn stephen welcome back everybody. [cheers and applause] please welcome john sei dwvment thanks for coming on. You anchor the mb nbc weekend nightly news for nine years or Something Like that. Through the prime time news anchor for al jazeera awe america. I am. Stephen who got to you and how . Who turned you, when were you radicalized . I was. Radicalized but in summer they approached me and asked me to anchor their prime time newscast. Stephen do they have your family members some place. If this is stockholm syndrome just blink. No, they dont. Stephen they dont, okay. My family is safe. Stephen good. They offered me the chance to anchor a newscast that focused on serious news. Indepth journalism, unbiased report. Stephen oh come on. Fact based. Stephen oh come on. This is al jazeera awe. Stephen what the is your angle . What is the grift over there, is it liberal or is it fair and balanced. You got to have a take. You got to have a take. Which one is it. [applause] which one are you . We have no angle. Its just the news. We just cover the news. Stephen okay, this is why your ratings like 10,000 people a night. Night. I want to give you the colbert bump. Okay. Weve only been on four or five months. We just came on in new york probably two weeks ago. Stephen okay. But this is the network where bin laden used to send his gloating tapes, right. Al jazeera annette wor netwon bust them this year because it is absolutely not part of the alqaeda network. Stephen alqaeda america, whatever. Al Jazeera America is one of the largest news organizations in the world. We have 71 bureaus around the world. We have 12 bureaus in the united states. We cover 130 countries with broadcasts around the world. We do serious fact base journalism. Stephen okay. That may be true. Ill tell you whats true. Can you put up the al jazeera please. That is terrifying. [laughter] that looks like, that is not only arabic, it looks like arabic on fire. It looks like exploding arabic. Why shouldnt i be afraid of al jazeera. Do you know what it means. Stephen it says the bombing starts at midnight. [laughter] no. It means p peninsula. Stephen what does that mean. Florida, a peninsula. Stephen where to attract. [laughter] no. Stephen what was the draw for you, though . I mean youre an established network anchor. Whats the draw to work for this fledgling network. If youve been watching journalism and news over this last four or five years. Stephen i have been watching journalism. [crowd cheering] you know theres been a dramatic change in the way journalism turns lately. Stephen its very interesting now. Its been more about opinion. A lot more sensational and a lot more about celebrity. And that is not where this channel is headed. And the opportunity to work at a channel that covers serious news again was a tremendous opportunity for me. And i jumped it. Stephen lead story tonight. Zp i cant keep people from being afraid of this. I cant convince people of that. All i can do is say watch what we do and i think if they see what we do on the air and they see the stories that we cover, they will i think theyll understand that were doing serious news. [cheers and applause] stephen if i know anything about the nsa, someone is watching what youre doing. [laughter] stephen john, thank you so much for joining me. Thank you. Stephen al Jazeera America. Check it out. Well be right back. L l l l

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