Empire extends all throughout the entertainment industry. Because in addition to this show i have my best selling childrens book. My alpha squad 7 graphic novel and my Family Friendly ku klux cartoons. Call me anything, jr. , okay, or youre the racist. But even media moguls like me got to stay connected to the fans. And theres no better place to do that than at this weekends San Diego Comic Con where every conceivable scifi, tv show or book moneymaker for at least 130,000 rabid attendees. It is an orgy of people who will probably not be invited to the orr gy. laughter but besides, besides being the super bowl of marketing. It is also the world series of cosplay. You can be batman, superman, dead pool, hawk cat, lady thor, mystique, princess leia, bobafet bobafet with boo bs. Walter white, walter quite with boo bs. I know who im going as next year. And while the avengers and mad max and batman an superman were all there this year, one superhero stole the show. How are you doing, comic con. cheers and applause stephen, stephen, steve if i could only go back in time and show this to my 13yearold self. Yes, i hosted the hobbit the battle of five armies, the panel. And everybody in the cast was there, it was a magical afternoon. My only disappointment was with comic con at all was that this weekend i was really hoping to see Daniel Radcliffe who i knew was at comic con pushing his new film horns who i am not going to mention on my show. No free rides, daniel. Got to say it sounds good, go see it. I wanted to just set him straight about something he said on a press line last week. What is your ideal post probably the face on i guess like ice cream. Ice cream. Yeah. What flavor . Stephen colberts flavor, right. Harry potter reaches for me after dumbde doing it. And im not surprised. Im not surprised. Ice cream is the official snack of just having had sex or giving up on it entirely. laughter now folks heres my beef with d rad. Daniel, youre not supposed to eat it after sex, are you supposed to eat it during sex. Thats what the waffle cone pieces are for. Theyre ridged for your pleasure. laughter so enjoy, please, enjoy. But by the way, just a warning, just a warning, do not try this with Jimmy Fallons flavor late night blast. laughter folks, these days these days it has going fashionable for politicians to attack the rich. Well, you know what they say sticks an stones may brack my bones but my Security Team will shoot you. Sorry socialists, are you not going to make me feel guilty. Being rich is fantastic it is wonderful t is garglegadong which is a word describing the pleasure of wealth which cannot be translated into foretalk. The problem is sometimes when im riching and town i will accidentally catch glimpse of a nonrich person. Then i get a funny feeling in my heart, apparently i have an allergy to nonwealthy people called empathy. laughter my doctor said there may never be a cure because its not a disease. Please, give generously. Fortunately the free market has found the way to make the 1 feel 99 better and it brings me to tonights word. cheers and applause see no equal. All too often we superwealthy find ourselves coming in contact with the money disabled. But soon, soon we could all be saved that unpleasantness thanks to the example set by a new apartment complex here in new york city. The controversial ruling in new york city. A developer plan to include a poor door in a luxury apartment complex. The building will have 219 units overlooking the waterfront and 55 affordable units that face the street. The idea, sparking backlash because it require as fordable living tenants to enter the building using a separate door through a back alley. Stephen yes. A poor door because if i dont see something, i dont want to know about, it doesnt exist. And that makes me happy. laughter folks, its just like its just like the old saying, out of sight, out of sight. laughter and i believe that separate doors are great. As another luxury home builder david von frequentelson recently von frequentelled, i think its unfair to expect very high income homeowners who paid a fortune to live in their building to have to be in the same boat as low income renters who are very fortunate to live in a new building in a great neighborhood. Yes. They get to live in a new building in a great neighborhood. What else do they want. Dignity . Now whos greedy . And folks, if you think about it, theres a sound moral principles behind separate wealth based entrances. Jesus himself said it is easier for a came told go through the eye of a needle then for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Thats why the rich use the separate entrance to heaven. That needle one smells all camelly. If anything, folks cheers and applause i believe just one poor door is not enough. Because if im paying over 25 million for a penthouse apartment, why should i have to be stuck in an elevator with whatever vagrant is dwelling in the 15 Million Dollar half el one floor beneath me. Under 20 Million Dollars, what is this bang da lesh bangladesh . No, poor doors poor doors are just the latest in a trend that helps us haves no the have to see the have nots. We have skyboxes, set of bleachers, personal shoppers instead of going to a store and an airport, first class has its own tsa lane. I mean even the happiest place on earth is happier for us because we can pay up to an extra 500 an hour to skip to the front of lines at disney world. Even better, we get to meet snow whites top secret 8th dwarf. laughter but as exclusive as all these perks are, i think occasionally i still run into average people like my chauffeur or my chef. And i just got to say, what is the point of being rich if you cant be left alone with your money . Thats all we ask. laughter there must be a simple way to get away from average people. I dont need a penthouse. I would settle for something small and luxurious. Maybe a tiny silk lined apartment with a pillow to lay my head on. Just room for one. Carved on a single piece of mahogony with brass handles for sticks for my servants to carry me to my country place. Its not a big piece of land but at least its in a gated community. And thats the word. Well be right back. cheers and applause this summer. You dont have to be a superhero to be a winner. Enter the galaxy of fresh at subway. Find codes on 30 oz. Cups for a chance to win free subs and other amazing prizes catch marvels guardians of the galaxy, in theaters august 1st. Subway. Where winners eat. And drink too. Thought i told you to stay off our turf. And what would you know about turf, skipper . Lets end this here and now lets dance flo whoa there progressive covers boaand rvs, okay . Plenty of policies to go around. [ grunts ] oh, oh, im the bad guy . You threw a fish at us, so, yeah. Yeah. Coverage for land and sea. Now, thats progressive. Excuse me. Can you tell me where ah no problem roller skates. So you are going to want to palm tree the fish until the second seahorse on your tea pot, then you should be light bulbs. Let your random side out with new wonka randoms. Remind me to tell her happy anniversary. [ cortana ] next time you talk to caroline, ill remind you. [ siri ] oh no, i cannot do that. Oh, and remind me to get roses when im near any flower shop. Sure thing. Remind you when you get to flower shop. I cant do that either. Cortana, its gonna be a great night. [ beep ] oh wow thanks for the traffic alert. I better get going. Now that is a smart phone. Oh, wait its cause you make me smile welcome back, everybody. Thanks so much. Folks, cheers and applause folks, time was to be famous you had to ride the bus whether it was acting or jumping or owning a large pair of pants. But these days fame is finally democratized. Just look at Kim Kardashian. I am a huge fan of whatever it is she does. laughter she has proven that becoming a celebrity can be a skill all of its own. And now the tragically famed deficient can get a taste of her superstardom at americas most exclusive boutique, the app store. Reality star Kim Kardashian launched a new video game called Kim Kardashian in the game she instructs users how to become alist celebrities. They start out on the e list, not a far stretch from her own life. Stephen thats right. The Kim Kardashian hollywood app simulates her rise to the a list. To win you must carefully navigate some 20 levels or upload one sex tape. You begin as a lowly e list store clerk until you are approached by kim who is having a fashion emergency. You help her pick from one of two dresses. Then have a choice between giving it to her for no charge or playing the different game because that is the only option. But once kim takes you under her wing, you tap your way through the hottest photo shoots, the trendiest runway shows and the most vacuous celebrity parties avoiding anything that could set back your career. Post hip do not date randy cade. The goal is to bring your avatar from the e list to the a list which takes hours of tapping on your screen. But all the hard work youre putting in is just as real as the fame youre achieving. laughter best of all kim is offering this virtual friendship for free. All she gets in return is bringing joy to her fans and 85 million. She might be able to take some time off from, again, i do not know what she does. cheers and applause her cash comes from inapp purchases. Users can spend as much as 99. 99 for 175,000 virtual dollars which they can then use to buy the lightning bolts of energy needed to complete paths. Of course a real celebrity without never buy energy. Your assistant picks up grams of energy for you from some guy with a face tattoo behind the in n out burger. Folks, seeing average america throw away millions on a celebrity iphone game is disturbing because im not that celebrity. Well that ends tonight. Im proud to introduce my app Steven Stephen colbert, id tap that. The game begins cheers and applause the game begins when your avatar meets world famous celebrity Stephen Colbert and i greet with you my famous catchphrase, give me 5. And unlike kims game you have options am you can give me 5 or you can give me 10. Thats if you write to c list friend level where you have the chance to give me 20. So folks, download now and start tapping your money my way. I need it. Im just a few dollars short of the silver shutter shades. I need to get to be invited to kims miami beach house. Please notice me. Please well be right back. Please notice me cheers and applause son oh no. Can you fix it, dad . Yeah, i can fix that. dad i wanted a car that could handle anything. I fixed it dad thats why i got a subaru legacy. vo symmetrical allwheel drive plus 36 mpg. I gotta break more toys. vo introducing the allnew subaru legacy. Its not just a sedan. Its a subaru. Ina bite size new ways. To enjoy the full size sensation of peppermint and rich dark chocolate. New, york minis, get the sensation. Stephen welcome back, everybody meyer guest is a multiplatinum grammy winning singer songwriter or you may know him, a loser. Please welcome beck cheers and applause hey, beck. Thanks for being here, man. Rabbi, thank you for joining us. Unless this is an amish look you are going for. Its kind of a mixture. Stephen either yentl or witness, well find out. I havent seen you since you crashed on my couch in l. A. Thank you for the kindness. Stephen no problem. Everybody knows who you are. I dont need to go through your cd. Lets get straight to the heat of the meat. Youve got a new album called morning phase. Uhhuh, pretty meaty. Stephen its pretty meaty. The morning face, this is a kind letter gentler more contemplative beck here, a little folky in here. A little quiet, a little bit slow, good for massages, aroma therapy. Stephen do you have any like trying to break into that. Stephen any flute. A little. Stephen great, you should actually sell it as at starbucks with a little massage oil. Right. Stephen you know, essential oils. Why dow jump around in sometimes so many times. It must be hell on record store clerks to figure out where to put your next album. You know, ill put it under neo lowfi rave funk. Why do you zip around some of. Why not just settle down in one style and be happy. I dont know. I just my to settle down. Stephen if somebody met you for the first time, didnt know your music and said so you are a musician, what is your music like. Kind of how you described it, i think. Stephen theyo lowfi rave funk. Yeah. Jungle dub coolout lounge banjo as well. Stephen cool out lounge banjo. Is there any of this. A lot of. Stephen your last project song reader was just sheet music. You didnt record it. Thats right. Stephen okay. Why did why did you do that . Were a lot of fans coming up to you saying i love your music, i just hate you playing it. laughter i got tired of. Stephen dow ever feel any pressure when youve written something you think is good that you might screw it up when you record it. I think that all the time. I think there are songs that are good and then i record them and theyre not as good. Stephen like theyre perfect up here, theyre perfect up here. Or i can hear somebody else singing it better. Stephen that has been turned into an album as well. Song leader, you produced that. A compilation. Stephen other people having recorded your music. And there a jack white song there an jeff tweedy from willco. Stephen are they better at your music than you are. I think they are, yeah. Stephen okay. Yeah. I think im on to something. Stephen no, no. This latest album, i heard two of the songs you will be doing tonight. It is its a softer, more contemplative, why beck is beck i shall why is beck sad. I just need a hug. cheers and applause stephen well be right back with beck, morning phase. It takes place in anhaha, cleveland. I love it babe. Im not your babe. You werent saying that this morning, when youre like. Mmmmm mmmm mmm alright were done. Break up with lingering food. ding mmmmm mmmm for that just brushed clean feeling. Eat, drink, chew orbit for the barbeque oven roasted chicken melt, now our featured footlong. With juicy chicken and monterrey cheddar, topped with tangy pickles and mmm sweet barbecue sauce. Now thats a 6 footlong special. Subway. Eat fresh. We stathat the kid on thehought back of the bus might have a song that he has in his head but he just cant get out. With the technology of cloud, we change all that. I can sing something into my device, up to the cloud it goes, back down it comes, sounding better. We break down the walls of creation and we give music creation for the masses. Unlock the creativity in anyone. With the ibm cloud. The ibm cloud is the cloud for business. Spokesperson you can get a 1,000 turbocharged with a new card volkswagen turbo. So why are we so obsessed with turbo . Because theres nothing more exhilarating than a powerful ride. And you can get that in places you might not expect. Like the passat. And also in the funtodrive jetta. In fact, volkswagen has sold more turbos than any other brand over the last ten years. That is a lot of turbo. Avo get a 1,000 turbocharged reward card on new 2014 turbo models or lease a 2014 passat s for 189 a month after a 1,000 bonus. Excuse me. Can you tell me where ah no problem roller skates. So you are going to want to palm tree the fish until the second seahorse on your tea pot, then you should be light bulbs. Let your random side out with new wonka randoms. Yyyup. With xfinity internet soyour family can use all their devices at once. Works anywhere in the house. Even in the garage. Max whats going on . Were doing a tech startup. Were streamlining an algorithm. Whats grandpa doing . Hi. Sssh, grandpa you dont want to be an intern forever. Sorry dad, we have to get back to work, we have a deadline. Were going public [cheering] the fastest inhome wifi for your entire family. The x1 entertainment operating system. Only from xfinity. Stephen here with a new song from his album morning face, ladies and gentlemen, beck. Look around your only what you will when youre standing still where it goes. Follow the drum i have a light up there why does it hurt this way always a drum for everyone everyone you find someone to show me how to play the drum just let it go heart is a drum down down down bringing me down day after day turning me round cheers and applause stephen beck, morning phase, good night, everybody [blorgons emitting squeaking noises] take that, blorgon. Good show, inspector. Oh, wow, there are 50 years of these, huh . Yeah, isnt it great . We can go anywhere and any time in the universe. But it will probably be london during the blitz. Oh, i think i finally got abed to agree to let you come to the inspector spacetime convention. Yay. [knock at door] are you watching inspector spacetime . Why does he have to wake up so early . Cant we just tell abed that were sleeping together . No. No. Abeds fragile. We have to ease him into it, okay . Do we want him to freak out and then we have to rescue him from some fantasy world where submarines are small enough to enter the bloodstream . I totally want to do that. We need to go over the Convention Schedule again. Go, go, go, go, go. Just a minute. Troy, its a week away,