Sure, its easy to cry about majestic trees, but some of us happen to care about every living thing on gods beautiful green earth. I want to mourn the loss of all the oldgrowth grass ive seen and tell them that i love them and i dont want them to die, that there are some people here that do care [lawn mower approaching] so i want you to know that, clippings that i care jorge, make sure you square off my hedges si, mr. Daniel. All right. May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest. Good night. [applause] from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central trevor thank you so much, everyone. Welcome to the daily show. Im trevor noah. My guest tonight comedian and roastmaster general, comedian jeff ross is joining us. First, its really great to be back. Weve been away for a while now, two weeks, and it feels like its been forever. I just got back from australia, where everything is backwards to america. Their water flushes the other way. People drive on the other side of the road, and in their american election, jeb bush is winning. laughter its a totally different world. But lets get into the news, lets get into it. President obama wasnt able to enjoy the Labor Day Weekend because he had to fly to china for his final g2020 summit. They brush up on economics, learn each others names, and it always ends up the same way, with germany giving france a wedgy. The french guy is having a good time ha, the joke is on you, i dont wear underwear. And the german guy is like, the double joke is on you. I wasnt reaching for your underwear. Im sure big papi was glad hfs his final summit. It was not fun for him. First of all, talks broke down with russia. Putin refused to agree to a ceasefire in syria. You can see theres no love lost between these two men. Just look at this picture. Look at this picture of their meeting. laughter yeah, that is ive never seen obama look like like, hes looked at trump and hes had a bit of a smile in his eyes. This is just wow. He does not like like, hes droang him with his eyes right now. Theyre like the the hidellswift of the g20. Thats what they are. And putin, you forget how small he is, as well. Because were so used to see Vladimir Putin in propaganda pictures. Its always him looking badass, you know. You notice, they never show him standing next to other people because that would expose his actual size. Yeah, you see that horse . Thats not a horse. Thats a pony. Thats what that is. Thats what that is. cheers and applause we just never noticed it. Everything about that picture, like next to obama, putins face also looks a little bit dumpy. It has like to be fair, its not his fault. Everyone looks bad standing next to president obama. cheers and applause yeah, everyone does. This is this is him with zac efron. Thats, like, i mean laughter and you could tell obama was gog have a tough time in china from the very moment air force one lans. The president s trip was marked by an awkward opening moment. Chinese officials did not provide the traditional staircase, and red carpet reserved for world leaders. Instead, president obama had to exit from small stairs at the belly of the plane. Some observers described it as a chinese snub. Trevor oh, a chinese snub, which urban dictionary defines as when a man gets his dick stuck inside a chinese funger trap. laughter im told that the trick is to stop pulling, but im not doing that. Also, people, lets not make it seem like obama lost any of his swag, pawlz the chinese didnt bring him stairs. I hear people say they disreported him. No, all they did was give the u. S. President an opportunity to show that he has a plane with its own stairs. Do you know how suppressive that is . Stairs what come out obama was just just like, whats that . No stairs in ive got my own . Whats that, no Chinese People to greet me . Ive brought my own, too . This plane has everything. Now, normally, when it comes to complicated International Policy stories, you need experts, you know, to help break down what happened. But when its something as stupid as this story, theres only one man for the job. They wont even give him stakes, proper stairs to get out of the airplane. Did you see that some. Yeah. They have pictures of other leaders going there, and theyre coming down with a beautiful red carpet. And obamas coming down a metal staircase. Trevor which red carpet goes like that . laughter was trump watching the same thing that we were . Which red carpet whos coming down stairs like this, like truch has flare that we dont know about im coming down the stairs, im coming what are you talking about. Trump is purely about ego, like, no red carpet . Hes upset. Like this is not how a cartoon rich person would roll. You realize under the red carpet, those stairs are metal, too, donald trump. He makes sound like the carpet is there to protect the president s feet. Dont tell me you have tuny hands and weak feet. Dont tell me that, dont tell me that. Because he mawks it sound donald trump makes it sound like obama is going to walk out of the plane bair foot going, ow, my feet. Im burning up. I dont get trumps point at all. They didnt have the right stairs for the president so president obama said screw it, ill go down the metal stairs and do my job. The question is, donald trump, how would professionally have handled the situation . I have to tell you, if that was me, id say,un what, folks . I respect you a lot. Lets close the doors and get out of here. Thats disrespect. Trevor thats what i like about crump. He says it like it is. Clearly it is bleep . Because hes saying as president , he would walk away from a Major Economic summit because of a carpet . You realize obama sealed a Climate Change deal with china at the g20. Donald trump wouldnt have even left the plane . Thats like calling off your own wedding because the flower girl threw the petals wrong. You cant just throw them anywhere. You cant throw them anywhere. Im not doing it. Im not doing it. Its done. Its over. Its done. cheers and applause i must say, though, i must say, there is something appealing, i understand, people who go, like, i want a president , who when he deals with foreign leaders, doesnt pull any punches. There is something appealing to that. Imagine it donald trump actually met the president of mexico. You can imagine . Can you imagine what he would have said some for years he was like, theyre rapists and drug dealerses and the wall theyre going to pay per it. You can imagine what trump the straight talker got spot same room with the mexican president. I happen to have a tremendous feeling for mexican americans. They are amazing people, amazing people. Is he still watching me . Is he watching . Yeah, trump, i thought so. Well be right back. cheers and applause announcer vo who says your desk phone always has to be at your desk . Now, with one talk from verizon. Hi, pete. Im glad you called. announcer vo all your phones can Work Together on one number. You can move calls between phones, so conversations can go where you go. Take your time. Im not going anywhere. announcer vo and when youre not available, one talk helps find the right person who is. Hi, john. announcer vo so wherever work takes you, you can put your customers first. Introducing one talk another way verizon connects your business better. Learn how at onetalk. Com. Trevor trevor welcome back to the daily show. I just wanted to give you an update on the nationwide heart attack that occurred in america this morning after a poll came ow showing donald trump two points ahead of hillary clinton. Yes, now everyone is in stable condition, but bleep the panic still continues. There is one area where trump hasnt been improving at all, and thats been with black voters. Only two month ago he got 0 support from African Americans in ohio and pennsylvania, zero, 0 . applause are you apliewgd you are mean . You realize there are more black people excited for the new kevin james sitcom. 0 is where trump is. Basically, Donald Trumps people told him he needed on reach out to the black community and that means he basically has three choices. He either goes to barber shops, tyler perry movies or black churches. Ies not going to go to a tile perry movie. And hes not going to go to a barber shop because theyll hook him up. His only remaining option is church. On saturday, trump visited a black church in detroit drt. Donald trump situation to the movimusic this weekend at an afn American Church this weekend reaching out for support. Trevor no, no, no im sorry, i have to call out the media on this one. Donald trump was not situation to the music. He was situation, and there happened to be music playing at the same time. cheers and applause the two happened completely independently of each other. That was not happening with the music. laugh that was not with the music. Now, speech that trump delivered at this church was from the heart. It was from his heart. And applause and you could feel what it was from the heart because donald trump told us. Well, i just wrote this the other day, knowing id be here, and i mean it from the heart. And id like to just read it, and i think youll understand it maybe better than i do in certain ways. laughter trevor okay, wait, im sorry, wait what . So, wait, you wrote a speech from your heart that you dont understand . laughter but somehow plaque people will . What . You wrote a rap song . Is that what happened . What does that even mean . As someone who claims they wrote the speech, he seems genuinely surprised at the information contained in his speech. Becoming the nominee of the party of Abraham Lincoln a lot of people tonight realize that Abraham Lincoln, the great Abraham Lincoln, was a republican has been the greatest honor of my life. Trevor why do i feel like had trump says, a lot of people dont realize, he means, i coapt realize. laughter applause Abraham Lincoln, he freed a lot of people dont realize a lot of people dont realize. And he tried to play it like the audience didnt know. Trump, he got a warm reception from this congregation. They even gave him a prayer cloth. Yeah, you can see. You can see hes confused. You guys put it on the shoulders . My other friends put the white sheet over their head. But, i mean, to each their own, folks. We all on it differently, folks. Ditch ways. applause one reason trump gave the speech in detroit is that its where his number one black fan is or his number one black hype man sben carson. Yes. And carsons response to the speech was truly prices. I think maybe there are things that we can learn as a society because in order for our country to be great again, every aspect has to be great, including our inner cities. And we just saw mr. Trump here, i asked him, how did it go . He said, great and he said he learned a lot of things. What do you think he took away from today . Oh, my luggage. Hold on. Okay. Looks like dr. Carson is going to try to find his luggage. laughter applause trevor i love ben carson so much i love him so much and i also trust him less and less as a surgeon every day. I know hes good i know hes good but im sorry, guys my luggage . In the middle of a live interview . My luggage . Is that the number one thing on his meend . And the way he some something that happens in ben carsons life . You know . Just like him at the hospital, mshapiro, theres no easy way to say this, but the upper my luggage who is this man . For more on trumps detroit speech we turn now to our Senior Campaign correspondent roy wood, jr. , everybody, roy wood, jr. cheers and applause this is an interesting time, roy. What do you think about trumps visit to the black church . Trevor, i feel bad for every member of that congregation. Think about it. You go to church every sunday praying to god to keep trump out of your life only to show up one morning and see him in the pulpit. Trump is turning good church folk into atheists. I can tell you, people were not happy about this. Trevor but roy, but roy, there were people at the church. Stop acting like trump packed out the cathedral. He was at a normalsized church and it was half empty. Do you know how hard it is to not fill a black church . laughter applause black people stop at church on their way to church. Its important to us. Church is important. Thats why the the service is so long. I went to Church Sunday morning. I just got out. We have a lot to pray for and, man, it takes time. White church is an hour because all they gotta do is give thanks. Mostly, thank god ooum not black. Trevor thats hymn 52, i think. Beautiful song, beautiful song. Look, man, black people have a long list of grievances. I go to church with a briefcase. You think flint, michigan is going to be saved with a couple of hail maries . No, no, no, no. We need on put on a show. Were not just there for the new police cruiser. Half our time in church is checking in on the old prayers were still waiting on. I got a prayer from 97 im waiting to still come through. Man, im this close to getting tickets to see cisco. applause trevor roy, okay, lets be honest, though. You should at least give credit to trump for trying to appeal to black voters. Um, mow. Thats why why hes there. Trump is just trying to convince white voters what hes not racist so they feel better for voting for him. cheers and applause thats all hes doing. Now these white people get to go to the polls, how can a man hate black people, he went to a black church. Check. Trumps trying to win that white people with black friends folks so they dont feel guilty around the water cooler at work. Hey, jamarcus, did you hear that new drake album . Guess who voted for trump trevor i hear you, roy. Donald trump cant be president. Exactly, trevor. We have to do everything we can to stop him. Trevor so i assume youll be out there every day until the election knocking on doors in ohio, getting out the vote, making the calls. My luggage laughter . Trevor thank you, roy. Well, you know, i think there donald trump, and this whole scenario we learned something very important my luggage cheers and applause take on any road with intuitive allwheel drive. The nissan rogue, murano and pathfinder. Now get 0 apr for 72 months, plus 500 bonus cash. A light beer. Brewed to have more taste. Than any other light beer. Hats off to that. Miller lite. Spelled different because its brewed different. Find your way to relaxation with the crisp, soothing taste of real ginger and bubbles. Canada dry. The root of relaxation. Range of strongbow hard cider. R to show off the awardwinning oh i know about that award just like i know about your trophies. What trophies . The ones your mother wants you to get rid of because they are taking up too much space in the basement. Gasp you crossed the line, stewart strongbow cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is a comedian whose new special is called jeff ross roasts cops. Lets go hassle some plaque people. Were going to do that right now in about five minute. When youre out together, does the the white copblack cop dynamic come into play on how you deal with certain things . In these racially charged times . The black people dont talk to me. Theyd rather talk to him. They know, well, if we go to certain areas, hell have at separate times its a racially charged point and they look at him and say, why are you on his side . Im on anybodys side. Im on the side of the law. Trevor please welcome jeff ross, everybody. cheers and applause hi, trev. Trevor welcome to the show. Thank you. Trevor youre looking very smart. This is not how people know you hodress. Yesterday were on the roast, which was amazing, by the way, killed it. But you do not cress this is this is dapper. Im feeling very, you know, like im on the daily show with trevor noah. Trevor you look like it. applause thank you for being here. Lets get straight into it. I remember talking to you about this project long before you started it. Yeah. Trevor youre known for roasting celebrities, but then you started off with a special way. You went into prison. Right. Trevor you started roasting inmate. Yes. Trevor yeah, which is insane. But what was most interesting to me was and thats where i guess the idea really grew from you didnt just go into a space on roast them. You wanted to humanize them. Why . Because you worry about people. I care about all types of people. And criminals in jail was a logical was fun tow make fun of people in an orange jump suit, and it wasnt until i started writing that act they realized there were people underneath those jump suits, and i the thought the same thing about cops. You know, we hear so much about cops, everyone is talking about cops. Very few people are talking to cops. So i put it out there to about 30 police departments, major cities, asking if i could come and bed with their departments and they said no. Trevor it sound like you said, come in bed. Jeff ross said hed like to come in bed with your department and they said no. Give police a whole knew meaning. cheers and applause . Trevor so you embark on it this journey. You go, im going to roaflt the police in a country where i mean, the rhetoric is so divisive, the conversations are so heated. In fact, even after the boston p. D. Agreed to let you come along, you were at a black lives matter rally. Right. Trevor and then the police didnt want to talk to you anymore. It was a it was a situation you had to deal with. To research my roast of the boston police, i went to a black lives matter like most white dudes in america had no idea how bad things were between cops and the community. So i went to a rally right here in new york city, and, obviously, when i got to boston, the police union looked me up and seen that i was at this rally, and immediately profiled me as a cop hater. So now the black lives rally, youll see in my show, they hold up signs which say, which side are you on . Very divisive. And the cops also said, we dont trust you until we know you. So mow one is talking to each other on either side. Trevor how did you get cops it trust you . I bought them pizza. laughter applause the way to a cops heart is through his stomach. I bombed. I went to the roll call, i did jokes like, this is tricky. I never roasted an entire room full of youtube celebrities before. laughter applause . Trevor wow and the cops kind of wouldnt laugh. They shut me down. Trevor why . I didnt leave. I stuck with. Trevor when you talk about the conversation, you talked to actual police. Yeah. Trevor and you see it on the special, its really great to watch pup talk to them as people. You ask them some of the more difficult questions, the questions you say people arent asking. So you find police saying to you that theyre afraid. But were you able to communicate to them the way the police were perceived in many places . Theyre aware of it because everywhere they go, theyre getting heckled, and pops are being disrespected. A lot of people think thats warranted because theres a lot of bad cops out there. But i also think its wrong to hate all cops for what some cops have done wrong. Thats also prejudiced. Its like hating all transgender people because bruce jenner beat you in the decathlon in 1976. Its not fair. Haugh laugh. Trevor thats interesting. It really is a beautiful special, and i love what you said about roasts, you are roasting, but its like a roast of positivity. Youre trying to move it into a space where its not its not negative, but are you bringing issues to the fore. Are you creating a space where people laugh and talk about real issues. I think youre doing a great job and you look well doing it. Thanks, trevor applause . Trevor jeff ross roasts cops, airs saturday september 10 at 11 p. M. On Comedy Central. Jeff ross, everybody. cheers and applause my brother and i have always been rivals. We would dream about racing each other, in monaco. We were born brothers. Competition made us friends. Wish bold in the 2017 camry. Toyota. Lets go places. Tonight. Thanks for tuning in. Coming up next in its new time slot which makes no sense, midnight with chris hardwick. Here is your moment of zen. No one has ever seen god, but if we love one another, god is in us and his love is made complete in us. And thats so true. Thanks very much. This has been such Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org