Larry thank you very much. Ightly show. I appreciate it. We have a very exciting show tonight. Rapper lanc joey badass is heren the show. By the way, the two ss in his name are dollar sieps. Speaking of dollar signs, i dont know where you guys buy pies laughter just saying. Just saying. But apparently, theres somewhere in the world where they cost 4. laughter not new york. Theyre like 25, okay. Thats why i department know the answer to that. It makes no sense at all. Okay. Also, my book is out in paperback today. cheers and applause so, chaching. Id rather we got casinos, and other black thoughts. You can find it where all brooks sold. That would be the internet or the airport. laughter wrote it a coup of years ago and now the paperback is out. Lets get started. You know what . Lets check in on whats happening with the unblackening. All right, from the democratic side, the race is more confusing than whatever is happening on miley cyrus hair. So whats the key to victory in this election . Perceived authenticity. Authenticity. Authenticity. Authenticity, which is kind of one of the buzz words of this election cycle. Authenticity matters a lot in this election. Those candidates who can barely come across as being more authenticity are having more success. Look at donald trump and look at bernie sanders, on the liberal side. Larry i love that donald trump has become an example of authenticity, right, saying that mexicans are rapists, and john mccain got captured by the viet cong because hes a loser. Yeah, thats authenticity. Hes speaking to me, right. So why isnt hillary mentioned on that list . She doesnt seem authentic. Voters say the first words that come to mind for clinton are, liar, dishonest, and untrustworthy. Larry really . Shes the untrustworthy clinton . laughter really . applause you know what im saying. I mean, am i the only one who was alive in the 90s . Did we forget what the meaning of is was . See how i did that . Okay. What is it exactly that the people have against hillary . They just dont connect with you. They dont trust you. They might not like you. Oh, that really hurts my feelings. I have to tell you. Larry, of course, it does thats the meanest thing anyone can say to you. Hey, have you heard. Everybody hates you. Sorry. And to add insult to injury, thats a morning show. Do you know how early you have to get up to tape that insult . Can the bleep have a coffee before she gets kicked in the vadge . Please. Thank you. I just want to point out that you just clapped for the fact they had the former first lady saying bleep and vadge in the same sentence. Its a good thing. But its okay. It was in her defense. Its all right. But this is the thing i dont understand about our political discourse. Were impressed with somebody who says racist things and communicates through twitter with misogynistic putdowns of reporters but were put off by someone who is intelligent and actually has ideas that involve compound sentences. I get why america is fascinated by the train wreck, but why are we rejecting a perfectly good train . I dont understand. I get it. Hillary isnt the most natural candidate. Sometimes dont know whos talking when she gets on stage. I dont feel no ways tire. laughter larry all right, nobodys perfect. But the truth is, she was in a black church and was told she gets all plaquityblackity. And everything is like, why is she getting all blackityblack . For the record, the black people did like it. Had we first met hillary, she was real tough. Im not sigging here some little woman standing by my man. I suppose i could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas. Larry and america was like, i aint buying. Nob said you should to bake keeks. Calm down, loud lady. Right . And years later when she ran for president , she had a moment when she shed a tear at the New Hampshire prar and people criticized her for being too weak, the lady cried. Lets vote for the black guy. Every political race is a romance between the voters and the candidate. We have been in a long race with hillary. It might feel like the romance is gone. Oh larry you can oh, all you want. Im keeping it 100. Her biggest challenge is reigniting that park with the electorate. Maybe i can help with that. But instead of using technical comedy host language, i think we need some sweetsweet love talk. Oh, yeah. Hey, americans. Lets put some bass in my voice. Whats up . Youre looking good america. Come in closer. Let me get a look at you, with your purple mountains majesty. Damn, arkansas, did you lose weight im just playing. Everybody knows youre statistically the most obeing boos state in the nation. applause all right. Now lets talk about you and my girl hillary. Now yall been in a relationship since the 90s. Thats a longass relationship. Thats wiland jada territory. But now those love days are gone. And yoyou in the friend zone wih hillary and when it comes to feelings of love, friendship is some dangerous bleep . Instead of wanting to follow her to the end of earth, you just want her to pick you up at the airport. Thats some bleep . I know you think once you go friends you cant go back, but you might want to give that former first lady a second look a chance at love. She may not be mrs. Right, but she may be mrs. Right now. applause cheers and now, so here we are now, here she is presenting herself in front of america again, and so whats our problem with her this time . Hillary is coldly calculating right now. Hillary clinton more calculating. Hillary clinton is an attorney and she kind of sounds like one when she speaks. She doesnt talk about emotion. She 55ots right to such carefully produced talking point, and shes so careful. Shes too polished. She thinks too much. Larry she thinks too much . How bleep refreshing. cheers and applause thinks too much . I mean, basically, what hillarys being accused of as poor qualities are all the qualities you need to lead the most powerful country in the world, right . applause i dont understand. Why do we have to hold our president ial hopefuls to the same low standards we hold the rest of the country . Like, who cares if hillary can do the whiff and the nae nae . Rutherford b. Haze never had to whip or nae nae. I know he never had to whip, but its possible he had to nae nae. Ilim saying if if we expect Higher Quality politicians we have to hold them to higher standards. Its really not too much to ask. Well be right back. cheers and applause its intelligent enough to warn of danger from virtually anywhere. Its been smashed, dropped and driven. Its perceptive enough to detect other vehicles on the road. Its been shaken, rattled and pummeled. Its innovative enough to brake by itself, park itself and help you steer. Its been in the rain. The cold. And dragged through the mud. Introducing the allnew mercedesbenz gle. Its where brains meet brawn. [ male announcer ] give extra. Get extra. Youve nevergenuineburger made like applebees handcrafted freshly ground seared flavor bombed piled high original oneofakind allin burgers with free refills of fries and a surprisingly low bill. Only at applebees. Hey, wha okay, that it . Thatll do it. Excuse me. Hey, man. Huge fan, man. Oh, thank you. All the touchdowns. And the wins. And the passes. Yeah, you know, i dont like to dwell in the past. But thank you. [ cell phone ringtone ] aikman, touchdown unbelievable aikman, touchdown unbelievable aikman, touchdown unbeliev ends abruptly i dwell in the past. I would, too. I dont blame you. Okay. As long as you are you, its miller time. Theres a network that never stops improving. Thats grown faster than any other, covering nearly every american. And these geese. But its not who you think. Its tmobile. Our new extended range lte signal. Reaches twice as far. And is four times better in buildings. Think you know our lte coverage . Think again. See for yourself at tmobile. Com coverage. cheers and applause . Larry welcome back. Big news out of alabama thats right, alabama. A state so conservative theyre avoiding gay marriage by using laws written to avoid interracial marriage. Thats true. Thats conservative. Ive said it before, then i took it back, but now im saying it again alabama, you cray. And now the heart of dixie is wading into the heart of darkness, the d. M. V. Beginning october 1, 33 offices will be closing their doors. Then the agency says by next march this will only be four drivers license offices open in the state. Larry wait . There there will be only four d. M. V. S left in the whole state . Thats four times the number of librarielibraries in alabama. Im just kidding, alabama. Its three. Because of a 2011 state bill that made drivers licenses or special photo i. D. S a requirement for voting, the Office Closures make the path to the ballot box that much harder for the quarter million registered alabama vorts who dont have the required i. D. S. Larry okay, wait a second to vote in alabama you need an i. D. , and theyre closing the places where you get i. D. S . Is this just a coincidence or something more . Hmmm. Somethings tingling. And its not coming from my fun downtowns. But look, im not going to say this is racist. Im not going to say it. No more. Larry is always saying stuff is racist. Im not. Now weve got a meter for that. See, this has got to be racist meter. Very scientific, you guys. Wow. Oh, my gosh. George wallace dream journal . Man, that sounds bad. Im sure that guy has some pretty dark dreams, or dreams of dark. That could just be the meters automatic reaction to the word requested lam. Of the 10 counties with the highest percent amgs of nonwhite registered voters eight will see their drivers licenses offices closed. In fact, all county wheres black citizens comprise 75 of registered voters will no longer have a drivers license office. Larry bleep booo larry seriously, obama look, i know i shouldnt expect much from the state whose flag is the stars without the bars but i hoped it was just the stars that were racist. Maybe the bars really did believe in states rights. Fortunately, representative teri sewell has asked for a full investigation by the d. O. J. , which im sure will happen. At least until President Trump swears in. Fun fact, though oooh. Fun fact, though. Selma, alabama, is in representative sewels district. The march that led to the Voting Rights act. And now alabama is celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Voting Rights act by making it harder for black people to vote. Another that is not cray. That is creme de la cray. Well be right back. cheers and applause welcome. Wooah thats an egg its hard to prepare for something when youre not ready for it, huh . Absolutely. Want to meet a car that can detect things before you can . Yeah meet the chevy equinox, with available forward collision alert. It can help warn you when youre approaching another vehicle too fast so you can take action. I need that. Ford escape doesnt have that. Aw, come on ford. Love this vehicle. Very smart car. This is really nice. Of our burgers with free refills nighof fries for just 6. 99. Yup, youll finally look forward to mondays with our biggest, juiciest deal ever. Monday night is 6. 99 burger night. New and only at applebees. Digiorno . Or delivery . Taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, freshbaked pizza, is your oven. Thankfully, its not delivery. Its digiorno. They use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] its about to get juicy. Whoo i feel so aliii. It takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. It takes guts. Everyone ttim pass the queso. Tim, we need to hang out more. Timnado tbone actually, my name is brian. New tostitos rolls chips. Bring the party. Beast clear. Larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. Up first, the very funny comedian, jessica kirson. Hes the editor in chief. Of the daily beast and. A cnn political analyst john avlon. And, the next phase of his World Domination tour kicks off this friday, rapper joey badass. cheers and applause and for everyone at home join our conversation right now on twitter nightly show using the hashtag tonightly. We talked earlier about authenticity in the president ial race, and i think voters seem to be going for we want authenticity and relatability. And i think hillarys having a problem with both. What do you think about that, john . Well, you know, being first lady is not the most relatable position, right. The problem is the perception that shes all steely ambitious, that theres a nixon thing goingop when she tries to overreach, youre not going to nae nae your way to the president. Be a badass policy wonk who wants to be president and youll contrast well with all the hot air on the other side of the ail, the people trying to big yoght their way to the nomination. Larry do you think she should be doing more things like saturday night live . Does that make her more relatable . To be hop we go back to the initial question which is her being authenticity or real. To be honest, none of the candidates i really relate to. You know, being a young black man, i cant really relate to Hillary Clinton you dont relate to donald trump . In which way . Larry one day youll have your own vodka and then youll relate to him. Larry so its jessica, what do i mean, i think its very hard to be authent and i can run for office because you cant really say what you really think. I well, trump is. Well, hes like the abusive father that everyone can relate to. You know, sit down shut up you know, we all were relating to him in the worst possible way. I know. Its really hes like the alcohol nict family that everyones denying is there. You know, thats just uncle donald. Leave him alone. He doesnt drink which makes it worse. He doesnt drink. He and joe biden dont drink. Larry you think a lot of chl has to be there. I just said hes lying. Part of the reason hes resinating, even if people hate watching him and theyre watching him for the car crash, they realize hes at least saying whats at the torch his mind and its the anecdote to a lot of talking points the candidates get. Maybe people can learn something from donald trump. People are so sick and tired of the bleep around politics, they want to tune it all out, and someone actually comes out and says what they mean and has a force of revelation. Candidates should take that risk and do it more . Larry hocan hillary reach . A lot of people thought shed be the first woman president. Are women leaving her or flocking to her . What do you guys think . I think the older women are totally relating to her. Larry ill let you define older. Im not going to say whos older. Come oguys i think i think women in, like, their 40s and up. I think the younger girls arent relating to her as much. I think if she was like, and i want to take a selfie like that, if she did that more laughter hashtag she actually did. Larry she actually she took a selfie. Thats relatable. Larry thats totally relatable who can relate to that . She looks like a fan, though. Larry what do you think is a quality that we look for as americans in our leaders, the one who is the least dishonest . I think thats. Case, the person who just you know, that looks the best, that speaks the best. Confidence for me has a huge part in it. Trump is very confident. He seems very confident, you know,. Larry does that mean something to you or no . I get well, im not a fan of trump. But i do think he seems confident. And i know that that makes a lot of people drawn to you when youre confident. Some folks this is what bill clinton used to call strong and wrong. In the absence of an alternative, people gl to strong and wrong. They get a little weak kneed by somebody who seems to know what theyre talking about in the face of mealy mouthed indecision. Larry and clinton has had a few instances of strong and wrong. Honest to god, the takeaway is, where candidates screw up, especially when it guess to talking points, is they try not to lose rather than trying to win. In politics as in sports, the best defense is a good offense. When you get consultants to wear earthtoned shirts youre done. Larry and the sloppy kisses he and tipper had. Thats just bad, man. Also with the clinton thing, clinton really got ahead and got ahead from that whole situation. applause its true. He did. And hillary was seen as, you know, people disliked her after that. Because she didnt they blamed her right, he got ahead. Larry she cant do anything right in that situation. Thats what im saying. They disliked her after that. People were like, how come she doesnt leave him . She cant win. Larry is this your first election . Are you voting for the first time . This is my first election. Larry what are you looking for in a candidate as a person who this is your first time . Right away i feel like, you know, vote young young black voters like myself, i feel like, you know, there are a lot of things going on in america that are, like, affectssssing us right away. Me, im looking for the president ial candidate that will put all my problems at the forefront. The Police Brutality issue. Im in favor of anyone standing strong and firm about that issue. You know what im saying . Larry so youre thinking of, like, mike huckabee. Yeah, hes perfect. Hes the one. Kimberly davis and Police Brutality are his top priority glz do you think bidens going to get in this race . People are relating to biden. He had a horrible tragedy. He seems authentic. He is groping people left and right. Thats awe thntic in hes doing whatever he wants. Hes cursing in the hot mic. This is a bleep deal. He said that. Do you think biden can overtake hillary because he seems to have all that . Biden has a perfect storm. He perfectly triangulated between Hillary Clinton and donald trump. Donald trump makes the prospect of President Biden seem plausible. We can get someone who speaks their exphiend maybe says some crazy bleep . He actually has experience in government. Ill take that opposite. Whereas hillary is not authent and i can warm and hes all warm. And in the wake of she has experience in government, too. Look, she was a great secretary of state people forget in the beginning of the obama administration, she was every republicans favorite cabinet member. When she was on the Armed Services committee, she could make her way around. I think for biden people are planning for that possible. My guess is he doesnt honestly know. Hes in deep grief right now and theres always the danger the best day you get in is your first day and then youre done. Hes run twice before and it didnt really work out for him. Larry unless youre donald bleep trump and no one thinks you have a chance, and you get in and say crazy bleep your numbers keep going up. Because hes confident about it. Larry no, because its america. Well be right back. cheers and applause la la la la lala la la la la la lala la and it whispers, be bold. Be an artist. A titan of business. Beats inside all of us, it says, make music. Inspire. Be a hero. We all have greatness in us, and with the right tools, there are no limits to where your rhythm will take you. Introducing the ultimate laptop. Surface book by microsoft. Shell use that educationing to get a job. Shell use that job to buy a home. This is lilly baker. Her mom just refinanced their home and is putting an extra 312 a month toward lillys tuition. Lilly is about to take over the world. Whos with her . Buy in. Quickenloans home buy. Refi. Power. cheers and applause . Larry thats our show. I want to thank our panelists jessica kirson, john avlon, and joey badass. Watch when jay leno will be here. Good nightly everyone. From Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central trevor welcome to the daily show. Im trevor noah. My guest tonight, seth rogen is joining us, seth rogen is here, everybody cheers and applause trevor yes, yes, yes. But before all that, breaking news. Its awesome. Fans drink some apple cider and start planning for halloween. Who is my first one so im going as sexy iphone 6s. Yeah, the s stands for slutty. Lets take one look back. The nation has a craze
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