Im larry wilmore. So house of your weekend . cheers and applause mine was pretty good. I hosted a Little Dinner Party with a few friends me, don lemon, the president you know, my boys. Right . And i was wrapping up my little speech and giving the president some props, telling him how much i appreciated him being the first black president and what that meant to me. And i buttoned it with a little. Lets say, uh, colloquialism. Larry so, mr. President , if im going to keep it 100, yo barry. You did it, my nigga. You did it. Larry thank you very much cheers and applause now, there was a lot of reaction online, many people were upset about it, many people supported it. Like the president himself, the reaction was mixed. Oh, shoot. I did it again laughter im fine. Dont make those jokes, larry. Seriously, though. I completely understand why people would be upset about that its a very charged word, i get it. But there was one particular critique from across the pond that brings up a very important distinction. Piers morgan. Star of stage and screen, professional beyoncedisliker. He laughter he quoted me as saying, yo, barry, you did it, my n er. Wait, are you saying i called the president a nigger . Thats horrible. I would never do that i believe i said, yo barry, you did it, my nigga. Theres a difference. Piers, you did not properly conjugate that slur. cheers and applause very important. Nigger is what white people used to denigrate, demean and dehumanize black people. And nigga is a term of endearment some black people use between each other to take back that power. Now you also said in your article, larry, youre not a n er and nor is barack oba i know stop calling us that stop it stop it applause conjugate the slur laughter and then also dont use it. Trust me on that. Dont do it. Dodont do it,. All right, on that note, its time to check in on whats happening with the unblackening. This weekend just happened to be the 24th anniversary of the brutal 1992 rodney king riots in los angeles. All right, donald trump, you got a lot of people together in california on friday. How did you celebrate it . Chaos outside a donald trump rally. Things really got out of hand at a Campaign Stop in california. Larry donald, thats so thoughtful. You know, the traditional gift for a 24th anniversary is a race riot. Thats why its so hard to make it to the 25th. Still, according to trump, violence at his rallies is nothing compared to what america is facing from its trade relationship with china. Were like the piggy bank thats being robbed. We cant continue to allow china to rape our country, and thats what theyre doing. Its the greatest theft in the history of the world. Larry actually, the greatest theft in the history of the world was the lufthansa heist followed by d. B. Cooper, and when gru and those minions stole the moon and im not even counting the cheaters stealing the super bowl from the seahawks. Not even counting that. Thats right i went there i went there cheers and applause of course, this isnt the first time trump has mentioned rape to discuss his foreign policy. When mexico sends its people, theyre not sending their best. Theyre bringing drugs. Theyre bringing crime. Theyre rapists. Larry so let me get this straight. Trump believes that china is raping exports, while mexico is exporting rapists . I dont know what focus group youre relying on for your metaphors. But whoever told you thats the way to get the swing vote was mace taken. Was mistaken. Yet despite these unsettling comments, trump is a lot more upset about a controversial comment secretary clinton made about trump last week. I have a lot of experience dealing with men who sometimes get off the reservation in the way they behave and how they speak. She used a certain word. Off the reservation. Men that are off the reservation. And i said to myself, thats a horrible expression. Larry yes, the word reservation is horrible. Thats why when i call a restaurant for a table, i always say, can i please make an rword . laughter i recommend that. I recommend that. Or an r starstarstarstarstarstar cheers and applause Something Like that. All right. Actually, i have to give credit to trump here. Which is something i said i. D. Never do like download tidal. Man, i am really breaking my promises this week. But using get off the reservation as an insult is very offensive to native americans. Isnt that right, trump . Thats a very demeaning remark to men, in my opinion. audience reacts larry demeaning to men . sarcastic yeah, men have it so hard in this country, especially orange men. Come on, trump, tell me you at least have some idea that hillarys comment might be offensive to native americans. How disconnected can you be . I wont even bring up the fact that the indians have gone wild on that statement. You know that, okay . Larry thats really disconnected. And by the way, indians gone wild . One of the more underrated spring break videos ever. Too soon . laughter its too soon for me to make those jokes right now. laughter what jokes can i make . ahhh okay. Here to explain his most recent incendiary comments, please welcome g. O. P. President ial frontrunner donald trump. cheers and applause hey donald trump thank you, thank you. Congratulations for having me on your show. And congratulations, larry. Credit where credit is due you did an unbelievable job saturday night. Larry oh. Wow thanks . I thought maybe you would come on and Say Something rude. Trump not tonight, larry. You and me, buddy. Were the same. Brothers, really. It was fantastic. Larry wait. No, no, no, no, no. Were definitely not the same. Trump sure, we are. Brothers from a different mother. Well, from a different mother. Except mine wasnt black. Larry okay. This is making me uncomfortable. Trump not as uncomfortable as the media saturday night. I mean, that was fantastic. You killed those poor bastards and they really are poor, so sad, they all dress like hobos. I mean larry i didnt trump you slayed them. I havent seen a black destroy like that since the baltimore riots. audience reacts you left that room like a cvs. You really did. Larry hold on a second. First of all, i was just joking. I did it in the spirit of a roast. It was all in good fun. Trump this is the big leagues, larry. Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty but youre inciting violence with your rhetoric. Im so proud of you. laughter applause larry violence . I didnt incite violence trump yes, you did. Look what happened after your speech. A fight, thats a sign of a good, divisive speech larry hold on. Hold on. I feel like we have different standards of what we think was a good night. Trump no, no, wilmore and trump exactly the same. Sympatico. Really, i cant tell where my normal regular skin ends and where your black skin begins. Larry thats horrible were not close we couldnt be further apart trump you used the nword on obama i mean, cmon, so bold. So courageous. Such a terrific choice. Personally, i was going to wait until my inauguration to do that. Trump this is terrible this is not what i intended, youre awful trump no, larry. Were awful. Larry we are not awful we are not in the same boat trump listen, what are you doing the next four years . I need a running mate who will appeal to the blacks. Trump no thanks and were not at all alike. Donald trump, everybody. Well be right back america, the Sprint Network is now more reliable than ever and im on a mission to prove its the fastest. Im traveling the country betting anyone and everyone that sprint is faster than their network. And guess whos winning . The guy with a trailer full of your stuff. I bet my space suit for that slightly oversized jacket. Come on. Come on. Sprint wins that was fast yeah, sprints killing it. The sprint lte network is now more reliable than ever. So why overpay for wireless . Switch to sprint and save 50 on most rate plans. If we dont win you over in 30 days, well refund your money. Introducing pizza huts first 5 flavor menu. Just five bucks each when you order two or more. Say yes to a medium one topping pizza. Yes to wingstreet wings. Yes to new stuffed garlic knots. And much more. Its easy to say yes to our first ever 5 flavor menu. Only at pizza hut. Deux trois quatre crafted with care, for a dry, balanced taste. Cest cidre not cider. If rigcascading caramel on cookie all night,e well be over here flowing caramel on cookie. Wouldnt it be funny if they were all working late just because they thought we were working late . all laughing theyre not that stupid. Try both. Pick a side. Twix®. If stumpto n Cold Brew Coffee makes you go. And extra creamy ice cream makes you go. Youre gonna go. When you try this. Introducing stumptown Cold Brew Coffee ice cream, from tillamook. If chocol te makes you go. And juicy oregon strawberries make you go. Youre gonna go. For this. Introducing chocolate covered strawberry farmstyle gelato, from tillamook. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Social media is the one thing that loves to hate us almost as much as we love to hate it. Here to sort through this weeks online smackdowns is the nightly show contributor Franchesca Ramsey with her segment hash it out. Franchesca thanks, larry this week, one movie trailer became the most disliked in youtube history. So was it the Human Centipede . Gigli . Or the Hateful Eight that guy drops the nword more than larry nope. Its the new female front ghostbusters trailer. Because the internet is afraid of women who aint afraid of no ghosts. Lets take a look at some of the youtube comments. As a man, i feel attacked by this film because this film just exists to satisfy feminists. As a woman, i feel attacked when you dont proofread your comments. Heres one this is what happens when you let feminists reboot a classical movie. A classical movie . Its not beethoven. Or even beethoven. Sure, the original was funny, but lets be real, ghostbusters was made purely as a vehicle for dan akroyd to get a blow job from a sexy lady ghost. And as far as im concerned, if leslie jones doesnt get her carpet munched by a ghost, im going to be so pissed off. cheers and applause seriously, why wasnt that in the trailer . Or this itd be one thing if they had one, or two women, but all of them are women and it is pushing far too much. Ah, yes, because women busting ghosts is way more unbelievable than the actual existence of bleep ghosts . do you really think that women cant deal with scary stuff . Because we deal with it every day. Walking past construction sites. Walking to your car late at night. Walking through comiccon as a fullyclothed princess leia. Forget construction sites, that bleep s terrifying. And how about this . This is what Political Correctness looks like in movies. Political correctness in running hollywood. Whats next . A trans Indiana Jones or a black rocky balboa. Black rocky . Ive got bad news for you, sir. It was called creed. And it was awesome. cheers and applause and if you think a trans Indiana Jones is going to ruin the franchise . Might i remind you of a little film called kingdom of the crystal skull . And why does Political Correctness come up when women happen to be in genres that have excluded us in the past . I thought in other words were supposed to be underdogs, not bullies. This is, like, if captain america beat up scrawny precaptain America Steve rogers, or if your local dungeon master suddenly made all the players unicorn riders or arctic druids for no good reason give ghostbusters a chance. Maybe it will be good. Maybe it will be bad. But its not the fact that its women that will make it that way. Just look at batman vs. Superman, you guys destroyed that all on your own. cheers and applause larry Franchesca Ramsey, everyone well be right back. cheers and applause there are two billion people who dont have access to basic banking, but that is changing. At temenos, with the microsoft cloud, we can enable a banker to travel to the most remote locations with nothing but a phone and a tablet. Everywhere where theres a phone, you have a bank. Now a person is able to start a business, and employ somebody for the first time. The microsoft cloud helped us to bring banking to ten Million People in just two years. Its transforming our world. [ upbeat music ] larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. First up, the nightly show contributor rory albanese. cheers and applause the nightly show contributor grace parra. cheers and applause and you can see her in garfunkel and oates comedy special trying to be special available on vimeo on may 5th and in season two of another period starting june 15th on comedy central, actress and comedienne riki lindhome. cheers and applause and for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter the nightly show using tonightly. Okay. Last week, donald trump said this about hillary trump well, i think the only card she has is the womans card. Shes got nothing else going. And frankly, if Hillary Clinton were a man, i dont think shed get 5 of the vote. The only thing shes got going is the womans card. Larry okay. laughter so when trump says playing the womans card, what does that even mean . Okay, i think hes trying to come to terms with the fact that women are the majority of the electorate and 70 of us ate him, want to boil his balls in a vat of oil cheers and applause and that crosses party lines. Larry a vat of it. A vat of it, yeah. I think hes trying to come to terms with his dislikability. I actually brought a womens card with me. cheers and applause larry oh yeah, i brought one, and it actually works for a lot of things. Larry okay. I get Maternity Leave in every country but this one. Thats good. Reporter yeah i can use any bathroom in North Carolina because im nonthreatening. You can earn 78 cents on the dollar. Larry doesnt sound all that great. I think one of you men should explain it to me, because i dont get it. applause larry when is it a card and when is it just telling the truth . I dont understand the card thing, because that keeps coming up, the race card, the woman card. Were not playing magic the gathering were trying to get a president doesnt make any sense. Larry the cards against humanity laughter without a doubt, thats what trump is playing. Larry thats a fact. Yeah, i dont know, feels like the idea of hillary playing a woman card, shes a woman. Thats just what she is. It happens with every single president except, oh, wait. Yeah, its an advantage. It never works. s never even come close. Larry actually said in 2008, well, if obama hadnt been black, he wouldnt be president. What . How come we didnt knowkthis before that was the secret . all you have to do is run larry yeah. I dont understand why advocacy for position is playing a card. Of course, hillary is going to be advocating for womens rights, shes been advocating for that a long time. Anybody on that side is going to have to be advocating that. Why is she playing the card . With Madeleine Albright and gloria steinem, some of the things theyve stayed is vote for her shes a woman larry that would be playing the woman card. Though i admit to playing the womans card when i need furniture moved laughter and i could quickly deny that card. I use it to get out of camping. Larry ah, really how do you get out of camping with the card . y whining i just cant i get cold im on my period it happens, like, a fourth of our lives. laughter larry some people feel like john mccain was using the womans card when he picked palin. I think he was using the crazy card. I think he thought he was using the womans card how do we put her back in the cage laughter larry is ted cruz playing the woman card by picking Carly Fiorina . Doesnt matter what he does. Hes not going to win over women. His own daughter hates him and shes, like, five laughter applause hes already turned her off just by living with her. Larry you have a hilarious song called preeing wome prege smug. Yes, they play the pregnant card. They get a little magical, a little and ma magnanimous, oh, i dont care if its a boy or girl as long as its healthy. Which one . It makes them feel so gad but every one on earth feels that way. If you ask a man health or penis, theyd pick penis every time. I would do anything to help a pregnant woman. On the subway, i get tired, ill be carrying a water around. laughter theyre carrying human life in their body. Im, like, what can i do to help you . I feel very much like that card is i dont know if its a card, its, oh, please, be careful one time my period was late and i was at a pharmacy and i decided to park in the pregnant womans spot because i didnt know and the period came the next day and i was fine. applause i had no idea that exists s it the same as handicapped . Its like a baby on board spot larry worth ever, when we had our first child, i was watch ago video of it once and my wife was getting out to have the car with our son, yeah, oh, honey, were going to get out of the car and i was like, oh, bleep why am i not carrying my son whos the asshole . laughter the video cameras are like this big. Larry i should not have been videoing it. It was so horrible. I should have played the woman card. No one can prove you wrong if youre pregnant. My ankles hurt, i cant stand. No they dont, yes they are. Im just not showing yet. Larry well be right back. If you live in the new york city area or are planning to visit, grab free tickets to the nightly show. [ upbeat music ] [ upbeat music ] kids, juicy fyeah. Gum with starburst flavors . mmm. mmm. zipper noise zipper noise baby rattle shaking juicy fruit so sweet you cant help but chew. cheers and applause larry thanks to my panelists rory albanese, grace parra, riki lindhome. And special thanks to bob dibuono as donald trump or being here. Were almost out of time, but before we go, im gonna keep it a hundred. Tonights question is from an audience member named jessica. Lets take a look. Hey, larry. There are two women left on the earth, and you have to repopulate the planet earth with one of them . Kim davis or paula deen . Which one do you pick . Keep it 100. Larry its got to be paula deen that woman can cook cheers and applause awesome all the biscuits and everything i cant believe i said that goodnightly, everyone thanks for watching cheers and applause chris its 11 59 and 59 seconds. This happened on facebook president obama absolutely killed at the washington Correspondents Dinner this weekend and he didnt even use drones the president did a half hour at the annual blacktie circle jerk for washington insiders and media elites that i would totally go to if i were ever invited. People online call it nerdprom for some reason, even though the Correspondents Dinner is not full of nerds, its full of adults who are as serious as four dick cheney heart attacks. And its not a prom, because the only ones getting bleep ae