She was miss new york and now she is just a girl telling you she was miss new york. It is all downhill for joanne analling quickly, nosuchunsky. He is the answer if you cross no personality with an ugly sweater, andy levey. And like a vending machine you pull his knob and he will offer you chuckles. He is the former editor of the onion. A block. The lede. Thats the first story. Police killed a man after he randomly shot up a free speech event in copenhagen and then randomly attacked a synagogue on saturday. The press identified him as omar abdul uh meed al hassan probably cuban and had a history of Gang Violence and may have been inspired by the Charlie Hebdo masacre. I could hear the gunshots approaching so i could hear arabic and the shouts. In completely unrelated news isis released video showing the random beheadings of 21 egyptians spashing a wave of airstrikes of egyptian strikes on libya. And the great Kareem Abdul Jabar appeared on a show called the joe said it should not be seen as true representatives of the religion. You can make parallels to things that happened here in america like the ku klux klan saying they are christian and they did not practice christianity. Thats right. All right, who knew in 2015 the riskiest job would be a cartoonist . Are you glad to be out of the onion . I am glad to be out of the cartooning game. For years i was going after the kathy artist. She was always my personal vendetta. I think somebody ended up chopping her head off. Kathy guisitte . I dont know. I didnt learn her last name. I was a fan of her for better or worse. Do you remember that . Yeah. She always had a weird boyfriend. I think that was one of the ones i did not read. It was one of the boring ones. It was in the mary worth ghetto. Slightly below funky winker beam. We have gone off the rails on this. I want to ask you, how does the west deal with these attacks on free speech . How do we deal with isis . It seems like it is so far away that we really dont care. I think the answer to an attack on free speech is more free speech. If you allow it to impinge upon what you think you can scwoak about or talk about then i think the message they are trying to send comes in loud and clear. Fair point. Katherine, thoughts on this it looks like evil had a great weekend. Right. Well it is just a bunch of random people attacking random things. It is like how hitler killed the random people in the holocaust. The basketball player is saying it is not about religion. It is about them trying to get money and power. And then he talks about 9 11. Does he not realize the attackers dont have money or power because they blew themselves up . Use context clues people. Thats what those are for. I never learned context clues. To learn to read . I was born in 1964. Context clues . So if there is a word around it. I know. I look so youthful. I do a lot of facial exercises, joanne. What is going on with your face . What do you make of kareems thoughts . He wrote a Childrens Book . Yes he did. I am trying to get over that. Everybody writes a Childrens Book. It is part of your life. I think he was on morning joe to talk about the book and somehow he gets into a discussion so the parents who are watching are now confused. The one bright spot in this tragic event, if there is one, after the shooting happened during this free speech event a bunch continued their discussion. If they dont then the terrorists win like he said. More free speech is the best way to combat this. I do think that there are some people who will continue to do what they are doing and express those freedoms and thats awesome. It is awesome. Good for you. Andy, the israeli Prime Minister netanyahu said the only solution at this point is mass migration to israel. Yeah. When are you leaving . You would like that. Netanyahu is in the middle of a political cam feign. What he said was campaign. What he said was for israel. The subject has been coming up at the meetings lately. It hasnt for a longtime. It is something we havent seen in awhile. There is a fine line between needlessly panicking and remembering history. I think people are going to draw that line in different places. I may be thinking about getting out. The last time people who didnt get out at the beginning didnt get out at all. You hope thats not what is happening. It is a big move. You have to pack bags. Flights are not cheap. Maybe you take a steamship. I coined a new phrase i would like to use. I think america suffers from ocean prifl lienal. The privilege. We are not threatened because we are impervious. We have ocean privilege. We look at this stuff and we know that these hoards are not going to come near us where they are 300 miles from italy at this point, right . I read that. I thought it was 500. Well it might be 500 and it could be 300. It is not a concern though because we are not watching them come at us. The fundamental question is how do you fight an enemy that wants total uh blight ration . You give them what they want of the i dont have a problem with that. There you go. Ufos. He was gungho for ufos. He says he regrets keeping america in the dark about our extraterrestrial visitors. On friday he was reflecting on the past year and tweeted, my biggest failure of 2014 once again not securing the disclosure of the ufo files. The truth is still out there. Cc Maureen Daoud. He also serves as clintons chief of staff was long intrigued by ufos. This is 2002. It is time to open up the books on questions that remain in the dark, the question of government investigations of ufos. It is time to find out what the truth really is that is out there. We ought to do it because it is right. We ought to do it because the American People quite frankly can handle the truth. You know who else wants to know the truth in his cat. It is time to find out what the truth really is that is out there. We ought to do it because it is right. We ought to do it because the American People quite frankly can handle the truth. Wow. Anyway joe, is he on to something . He is on something. I dont know. I am unclear. Does he know the truth or does he want to find out the truth . He can just tell us. He keeps saying when they open the books. I always like that phrase. Has he seen what is in the books . I want to know if he know whats is in there. If he is worried just throw on one of those groucho marx things if it is about his identity. I would like to know now. I have the secrets, but i cant tell you. This is a major media person. What is the deal with Maureen Daoud . Why is she so special . I dont know. Either he knows something and is not tell us or he he is making it up. I hate people who pretend to know something and they dont really know. It that is almost as bad as lying. Did it for the retweets. Are you scared or excited by the thought that there may be someone else out there less attractive to you . Hey now. We dont need to to see the paperwork to know what is really going on. I am a believer. I dont need the evidence to believe. I believe without seeing which is what makes me a special person. Why wouldnt we share all of this unless the government knows exphg something awful. And putting it out in public puts us in jeopardy. If they are protecting me, im fine with that. If not, i want the juice so i can profit in it, star in it something. On the hallmark channel. I think thats where you are headed. It would be a huge let down if we all found out. I said it would be great if they were stupid and slow and adorable and we ate them. Wouldnt it be great to eat like they are happy and we eat them. They are like little lambs. But they but lambs made of chocolate. Like an easter bunny filled with candy. We made contact but the high level government ate. They dont know how to tell us there were aliens. We ate them all. We talked about this before. Maybe they could be maybe they could be so advanced and they used it in the past. We are like ants on an ant hill and they are building a freeway over there. We cant see it. Could they be so big and magestic that they are around us and we dont know that . I dont think your use of the word was a coincidence there. We want to talk about project magestic. He can say he regrets not releasing the ufo information. If he had released it most likely he would be dead today. If podesa revealed the information in project sigma which established communication with the aliens would he be allowed to continue to live if he talked about project playdoh which is the off shoot that establish relationships with the grays or the e bands, do they we have to go. They want me to stop you. They always want you to stop. Wake up, america. At some point it will head ba chem trails, right . Arent chem trails the aliens trying to tell us what the government is doing . Thats what the government wants you to think. Maybe the aliens are disguised. Maybe they are disguised as devices. What if these cameras are actually aliens and they have been studying us for the past eight years. I would be okay with that. I am too. Can we move on . The bull tore him a new one. Bull . An american man messed with the bull and got the horns. Benjamin miller, 22 years old from georgia no less traveled to spain for a bullfighting festival and it didnt end well. It ended in his end the bull bum rushed his bum injuring his back thighs and sphincter. I had to practice that before the show. The surgeon said quote, it is not the worst injury i have seen, but it is the biggest goring wound i have ever had to operate on. Meanwhile the bull was not done goring people. Lets take a look. You feel really bad, dont you . Thats awful. It was embarrassing for the bull. Thats on the blooper videos. If you ever watch the blooper videos . It is great. There is a lot of china shops involved. Thats so true. Why do people do this . They say they are not the one to get gored. Somebody has to get gored. He is stupid. I feel bad. He has uh a lot of problems and he has to be bull butt kid forever. What kind of brand is that . What kind of job do you get and what kind of get well card do you get . Are people sending them . He is 20. Thats what you do when you are 20. I might have done Something Like that when i was 20. I wouldnt remember it. I might have had a horn up my ass one or two times. Is it hard to have sympathy when you know this is a risk that they accept . Well, i dont know why we are spreading it around in the media. The bull wins. How did this bull get radicalized . What is the bull trying to get across here . Exactly. By playing this tape you are encouraging other bulls to do the same thing. It is not all bulls. It is important every time i see something on the news and somebody has been gored in the ass with the horn it is a bull. I am not say a lot of gorers are bulls but not all bulls are gorers. I just wish the bull community would apologize. I am hoping for the moderate bulls. They get lost in all of this. The modern bulls need their gandhi. Is that doctor just steeking around to see a worse injury. He seemed like he was on site. It seemed like he was. When you are a gore specialist where else are you going to go . I feel like you cant wait in an er for that. Is this snatch selection . I am not saying i want the kid to die but i am saying i dont care if he does. Anytime an animal is abused i am on the side of the animal. If one of the dogs michael vic had used for dog fighting bit his head off i would be okay with that too. You probably did this for a girl, a girl like you and then comes back with a hole in his rectum and you dump him. You dont want to date a guy with two rectums. Again. Again. He was the guy with two and i was the girl dating him. My reputation was soiled. If you want an adrenaline rush there are so many things you can do. It is like when in rome. They have tapas. Have some food and drink and then a see yeses staw. You are supposed to run in a zigzag line. If you are going to do that figure out the way. The right way. You never know. Everyone who watches the show can see the gore. You know what is great about this whole thing . It is one of the few activities where the regret is instant. You saw and you knew the moment that it got close he goes what the [bleep] was i thinking . My whole world changes. Thats the feeling you have when you are falling to your death. You are showing off. How do you know that thats what i felt like when i left my job on the wub way. I got it back. It is not on there anymore. No had my phone with me so were all good. Good for you. I wanted to. Out because i dont like when we get facts wrong. He doesnt have two rectums. He has one giant rectum. We do wish him well. It is a human being. I part of me says you expect it. Thats what happens. They are both doing fine. They easily kill them. Thats wrong. Thats wrong. Now i dont know what to say. Where does he go . Thats a good question. Anybody know where the bull is . Give me a call at your private number. Just go to the chat room of greg bull. Org. What am i talking about . Children, coming up, little humans. We report, you decide. College students taking drugs. Pulitzer prize here i come. Should education require medication . According to the guardian the paper and to the my Court Appointed carlos. The drug is an am anphetamine. Is taking a smart drug the same as an athlete taking steroids . Duke you have the Duke University thinks so. They recently amended their policy to ban unauthorized use of meds after the students lobbied for the change. They say quote, they wanted it noted for the Student Community that using drugs to enhance academic performance constitutes cheating. I dont like to talk about it, but i Tutor College students at home. Lets see how their studies are going. This is why i have a camera in my apartment. When i am thought there i know they are not studying and sometimes they go through my stuff and i just dont like the fact that i dont know what they are doing. Not while studying though. I cant wait to get home for the pop quiz. Since everybody is using the drugs, everybody is doing these enhancement drugs. Can you ban them . No. It is great. You should be doing them. Who cares . Just do them. I thought it was funny how every kid they interviewed was clearly on a lot of these drugs. Everything is so stressful. College is stressful. I have serious essays and maybe a little too much of them. They need to relax. Open it up and legalize it. Dont ban it. It is not cheating to take vitamins. Actually in a weird it is basically if you look at Old School Media ther the performanceenhancing drug was adderall. Or they would go to three martini lunches to scmooze. I dont know. I dont know either. Im just like so chill right now. We would drink coffee and we would pull an all nighter and work out butts on of and try to learn as much as we could and then cheat off the pakistani kids. I dont know why they cant do that. What is the difference if people drink 11 cups of coffee and then it is the same thing. Go to the bathroom more. It was always no doz for me. What was no doze . Caffeine pills. Did no one see the saved by the bell episode where jesse got hooked on the caffeine pills . Thats why i never did any of this in college. I would chew a pack of big red gum to get me through. I dont know why. There is thouing in big nothing in big red to keep you awake. Cinnamon. It would burn. Did you have a friend that would give you special big red gum . I was going to say it wasnt big red gum jie. No, no she ordered it from mexico. It must have taken a longtime to get there, but it was worth it. Is it cheating to take drugs for anything life . We take drugs to cheat life because it is so miserable. I couldnt disagree more. And one thing i tell him dont get caught using these drugs. Just dont get caught. I agree. When i was in college kids main lined no doze. And i dont know what the difference is except society has decided that caffeine is an acceptable drug. It has the same effect except some have fewer side effects. I am not suggesting they should use it on a regular basis, it is just a problem when a writer needs to have a politician decide they need to ban something. It is back in a big way. It goes back to what you say. It is all about who is first. Booze was the first thing. Nobody liked the pot. If pot was first then it would be booze. But it it is a stimulant that is possibly getting you a better grade. If somebody gets a better grade than me is that fair . The best solution is no grades and no deadlines and none of this. Why are we living in a society that deems what is what needs to be done when . I see your point. If you dont have the initiative to take a pill you are stupid. By the way you just described all of tv news. There is somebody that says i will get botox or this person is going to get my job. It is the same thing. If you really care you will take the botox and have a great life. You will have a totally smooth face. Maybe there is a problem taking drugs to succeed in school, maybe. No. I get what youre saying old man. I think you need to loosen up. I have tons of drugs. He is just pointing out maybe children when you get older the last thing you want is drugs that are going to make you more awake and alert. You want the exact opposite. But it is also fun to get up and then come back down and try to find the balance you would have had if you hadnt taken anything. M coming up, a story that would get you through to friday. First, a word from our sponsor. Tonights sponsor is the digital stork. A baby Delivery System for the digital age. It will drop you off faster than you can say is this a good idea . Thank you, digital stork. Should rotc make like a tree . A student at Brown University says the program is state sanctioned violence and its cadets are quote criminals. Also he wants a ban from campus as i predicted. Last week brown decided to partner with the navy and air force rotc and prompting junior peter mackloff to pen a protest in the school paper. He whined by outlining the rotc we have a tradition of engaging in military of global agenda. I could never write letters like that. The column was universally praised speaking of jerks. No, no, no. Thats the greatest cat ever. He knew exactly what he was doing. Yeah, he did. That was great. That made me happy. I am warm all over. This guy sounds like a jerk. I hate this guy. It is a you have seen thesaurus thesaurus. Com. The way he was talking about being an rotc there would be people testing teargas out on the quad or whatever they have. I dont know if they have a quad or quadlike area. Or a campus mall. Right. What are you talking about . I dont know what happened to you, but it is not our problem. Stop. He wont have any friends. I look at the internet comments. You scroll down and spend hours. We shouldnt do that. Why do you hate me so much . Are you an attractive cryer. Thank you. Joe what do you make of this story . First i want to say to the filmer of the cat video, can we do [inaudible]. That is the main thing i want to get across. I think that is important. Thats important. Any other comments about the story that had nothing to do with the cat . This guy needs to sit down and shut up and protect our freedom of speech. Yes. Andy you served in the army or so you claim. Why are these programs so important . I dont know. Nobody knows really. No they are kind of important. You have the entire officer class coming from the Service Academy and it is good to have have and officer candidate school, but it is good to have a mix. I think the article may be satire. It is so poorly written and so stupid that that is the easiest explanation. This kid goes off on military science. He thinks it is the creation of new weapons in the military. As a Political Science major i can say it would have been more interesting bayous of politicians. He says quote half the battle involves doing away with systems of indoctrine nation. He wants something he disagreed with banned on campus because he is opposed. He found someone dumber. He is bad at brown or this is satire. This is dumb. It was very wordy. A lot of the words i didnt understand either. He is whining about the fact that the number of liberal activists on campus is dwindling. And he cant deal with change. Some of us cant. With his reasoning we should also get rid of memorial day and veterans day but he enjoys the holidays. He does president he doesnt have friends. I think he should quit while he is ahead. It is a kerfuffle over a shuffle. They ordered gamblers to return money they won playing baccarat with unshuffled cards in 2012. 14 people won 1. 4 million at the Golden Nugget in Atlantic City. They noticed that the decks hadnt been rearranged. The casino paid to have them pre shuffled but apparently they hadnt. The judge ruled because of the cards issue the game violated the casino control act, of course. Meaning it was unauthorized gambling and the gamblers have to give back all of the money or else. And they are going to be executed. He is a hanging judge as they say. It is a she. Im sorry, she is a hanging judge. Is that an insult. I i guess it is. What are we talking about . I dont know. What i want to see them play out is get the 1. 5 million back from the gamblers. Did this happen in 2012 they would be like i will just hold on to this money in case the judge decides i should give it back. Mine is smartly invested in things like tobacco stock. Or Tobacco Products. Yes, or any Tobacco Products would be a smart thing to invest. It does annoy me though that the last entity that needs help is a casino. This is the greatest moment of their life. In Atlantic City the casinos arent doing too well. Golden nugget wants to hold on to its nugget of gold. Was this Atlantic City . As if you are not already depressed to begin with. If you are going to Atlantic City to gamble i have taken that bus. Okay, fancy pants. Then you are so depressed you win and they take it away. They should be suing the card shuffling company for their emotional distress. Shame on this casino for being lazy enough to out source shuffling. They are taking away all of these jobs, really . You know who is doing the job. A robot. I was going to say someone from another country. I had a whole xenaphobic rant i was going to get into. You actually do gamble which kind of plays into your lonely, sad existence. What is your take . My take is it is the thing we have discussed for awhile now. We do the special hour on saturday about women judges right . Yeah. And it hasnt aired yet. It was fun to do. I think joe, to get to something you said, i think they havent let them cash the chips. I think they still have the chips. I think they stopped them from cashing the chips once they realize what was going on. The owner of the casino decided to let them keep the winnings, but the players had to drop other claims they were making at the casino and they declined to do that. So they blew it. I dont know what your other claims were but you had 1. 5 million. Take the money and run. Thats another part of the story i chose not to read. They went all in. You when gamblers make mistakes, it is not like the casino says you can start over. When you decide to hit on a 19, i think thats how it works. They dont say you screwed up and we are doing it over again. What the casino does, they get a do over and thats unamerican. And you can read about that more this my book unamerican. Another 50 shades story coming up. First here is that thing. Autographed copy. First, here is what is coming up tomorrow on kennedy. Hi, guys on the next cain gnaw de paul mccurio will be here and a sword fight with lou daabs. I will see you here on the fox business network. Well 50 shades beat up the box office. The controversial film, i dont know why which is based on the bestselling book killing lincoln took in 85 million the opening weekend. Thats double what i make in a year, jo, thats all i though. Jaime dornan celebrated by eating his own abs. Look at that. Look at that. That is great. I was doing well and now i am just tunneling. This is you. How do you taste . Better than i imagined. Isnt that cute with the accepts accents. And three women attacked a man when he asked them to quiet down. They hit him with a glass bottle. The drunk women were vomiting in the aisles. I think we have mug shots of two of the women here. They do look familiar. Anyway, is there thig more to add . All right joe, did you see the movie . No. Do you plan on it . I dont think so. It is not your it up of tea . No, i dont enjoy 6 or erotica and moving pictures. This guy is in a show called the fall which is a fantastic show. I hate. It i have seen every episode and i hate it. You are hate watching it . It is so slow. We are not doing this. You are correct. Im sorry. Move on, move on. He murders women for sport. Thats all i can think of when i see him in the posters for 50 shades of grey. He is type cast. It is a weird choice. It is a weird choice for him. Murdering women . Only you really believe that. I want to move on. I am running out of time. Are you seeing the movie . No and i get sad when i think of couples thats your valentines day plans. I dont mean that in a moral tee way. I dont know hahn thee do you want to try bondage . It doesnt surprise me these are also the kind of women that are into cake, giant pieces of cake. Im also into that, but i think this is now becoming a classless argument. So what if they like the movie. Maybe it is a good movie. I dont think a proper woman would see this movie. Thats awful. Why do you want that in your eyes . Stop it. Andy . I am hearing reports that this movie destroying marriages and i dont think it should be taken lightly. Call me oldfashioned. I dont think people should have these thoughts put into their head. I would rather eat my feelings so i would be all about the cake. I did want cake when i was reading this. No movie is made better by sex scenes. My favorite thing is guys making fun of this like saying it is so stew ped. As if the porn guys watch is mensa level. You dont have to go watch it. It is a twominute clip. And even that is a minute too long frankly. Coming up a story about weddings that will make you vomit. Ie, every story about weddings will make you vomit. Do you have stories about animals . Send them to us. E block. Last story. Thats the last story. She is caught buku, bouqets. She allegedly has grabbed the bouquet 46 times. She wants to be recognized by the guinness book of world records. The current holder has a mere 11. She has like four times that. She saves them in a china cabinet. Shockingly she remains single. Somebody has you have to have a hobby. This is a hobby. I hope she is not allergic to flowers or love. Sorry i almost destroyed that. It is true. She is 37 years old and she is like, yeah, i knock over kids to get these bouquets. Who is inviting her to the wedding . Does that make sense to anyone else . What does it have to do with anything. When you are in community theater. I dont know. Please explain. I never had i have never been to 46 weddings. I have never been to four. I caught 47. Thats true. I dont like that. For several years she worked at an event venue at an event planner. If you are an event planner who helped plan the wedding dont catch the bouquet. You are not allowed. Thats like a ball boy keeping the ball. Joanne have you ever caught a bouquet or is it normally hepititis . The last three weddings i have been to they havent thrown the bouquet. They dont do it anymore. They are expensive so most of the brides want to hold on to it. I would if i spent that money. I guess if you caught that many bouquets and you still arent married then a Guinness World record is the next best thing. And it is good to have a dream. Even if you are not going to share it with anybody. And also it is great to have somebody where you can show it off. She deaf she definitely saw 50 shades of grey on valentines day alone. The garter belt thing that is creepier by far. It is terrible because it always has kind of stripper music and i dont want to see that. I have seen little children doing it. Everybody is like, yeah put it all the way up. Dont do that to my daughter. Come on, dont be a [bleep] put it you will a the way up. Thats the best part of the wedding. Oh, andy. I dont know. Weddings am i right . I am more of a civil ceremony. I dont know where i am. Tvs andy levey in one of the ugliest sweaters i have ever seen. Joanne nosuchunsky who doesnt know what she is doing. Always a pleasure having you on. That does it for me. Im greg gutfeld and i will see you next time with different hair. The new amope pedi perfect foot file gives you soft beautiful feet effortlessly. Its microlumina rotating head buffs away hard skin even on those hardtoreach spots. Its amazing. You can see it and feel it. My new musthave for soft, beautiful feet. Amope pedi perfect. Find it in the foot care aisle or at the registers in these stores. Breaking tonight, disturbing news out of libya as the president s mideast policy appears to be in complete collapse. Days after news hit that the country of yemen, which houses a savage version of al qaeda, is on the verge of collapse. Horror emerges in libya where isis beheaded almost two dozen christians over the weekend yet again in a country president obama was celebrating as a Success Story just a few short years ago. Good evening and welcome to the kelly file everyone. Im megyn kelly. A sickening video out of libya surfacing this weekend showing isis jihadists beheading 21 christians who had reportedly traveled from egypt in the hopes of finding some