Know why. Trump eats a fair amount of fast food because, according to him, at least you know whats in it. laughter you know whats in it . Donald, the only thing we know less about than whats in fast food is what is in your tax returns. cheers and applause then good dr. Asked the 70year old candidate to diagnose himself. When you look into the mirror, how old is the person you are looking at . What do you see . I would say, i see a person thats 35 years old. cheers and applause stephen 35 . Donald, thats not your reflection, thats your wife. cheers and applause beautiful woman jon cold blooded its true. Stephen beautiful woman. Trump also said he doesnt exercise that often but, even, so hes good enough at golf to play with the pga. Thats a real medical shocker. Judging by the size of his hands, i would have guessed minigolf. piano riff out of the university of california, overall, most u. S. Men are satisfied with their genitals. So satisfied, in fact, that many would like to text you a picture of them. The researchers behind this survey came up with a scale called the index of male genital image, also known as tinder. cheers and applause this index asked how men felt about every aspect of their genitals, such as penis length, girth, shape, and scent. Look, fellas, if you can get your nose close enough to smell your own genitals, first of all congratulations. laughter second of all. Second of all. When do you ever go out . laughter researchers found that out of the nearly 4,000 men surveyed, a total of 86 were classified as satisfied with their penises. While the other 14 said, yes, of course im satisfied. Why, what did you hear . Have you been talking to lisa . You know, if there was some way they could be surveyed, im not sure if the penises would be all that satisfied with the men they were attached to. Ehh, hes okay. Could be a little taller. Also, why wont he let me sleep . Now, say hi to jon batiste and stay human, everybody . Stephen you know, one of the stephen you know, one of the other issues people have been talking a lot about this election is the clinton foundation, and whether big donors received favors from Hillary Clinton when she was secretary of state. But whatever you think about the real charity work earthquake relief in haiti, expanded access to h. I. V. Drugs in africa, and one assumes theyre working on a cure for secret pneumonia. But now somebodys got to do it. But now trump is under fire for his charity, the Trump Foundation, because it gave an illegal donation to florida chairman who doesnt believe youre the theta material, pam bondi, when she was considering investigating fraud at trump university. And yesterday, we learned that new York Attorney general Eric Schneiderman is investigating trumps foundation. We dont know much about the Trump Foundation. All we know is that nearly all of the foundations money comes from people other than trump. And trump is truly generous with other peoples money. For instance, in 2010, trump got a trophy from the palm b Police Foundation for his selfless support of its cause. And thats unusual, because trump usually marries his trophies. cheers and applause again, beautiful. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. And this selfless gift truly had no self in it because the 150,000 he gave to the Palm Beach Police came directly from a new Jersey Charity who gave the money to his foundation. That 150grand couldnt be a an itunes gift card. Best of all, in the trump charitable spirit, trump may have actually made money that night because the gala was held at his maralago resort, and the Police Foundation paid to rent the room. audience reacts thats the soul of charity you scratch my back, and i rent you a backscratcher. laughter but, one of the foundations biggest causes seems to be fun things to put in donald trump because in charity auctions, it spent 12,000 on a football helmet autographed by tim tebow, and 20,000 on a sixfoottall painting of donald trump. And i believe we have that painting. Do we have that, jimmy . laughter there you go. Yes. That, of course, is actually vigo the carpathian from ghostbusters two, but the first time i saw it this made it up. laughter it really looks like something he would buy. And with all this good work, its no surprise that the Trump Foundation has a staff of four trumps donald, ivanka, eric and donald jr. , who work a grueling halfhour a week, and that includes two 15minute breaks. laughter got to have em. You gotta rest. applause you gotta rest. But despite all this controversy, the Trump Foundation is continuing its charitable outreach with this new ad we somehow exclusively acquired. . . Every week, children like these are forced to work for dozens and dozens of minutes on a heartbreaking task trying to make donald trump look generous. Thats why the Trump Foundation needs your help. Coffee inside a new lexus you can help donald trump buy so many things, like some solid gold desktop clacky balls, a diamond trophy that says most charitable and a tiger signed by peyton manning. The Trump Foundation, arent you glad you helped out . cheers and applause stephen do the right thing star of blackish, Tracee Ellis Ross. . cheers and applause hey, need fast heartburn relief . Try cool mint zantac. It releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. Zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. Nexium can take 24 hours. Try cool mint zantac. No pill relieves heartburn faster. Hello. Hi. Welcome. This is the chevy malibu. It was awarded ks great. Wow what is happening . Oh my gosh, its going up but the malibus not the only vehicle that was awarded. This is mind blowing. The chevy camaro, equinox, and silverado hd were awarded most dependable as well. This is extremely impressive. Theres so many doing it once, yea, great job, four times, obviously, theyre doing something right. Absolutely to those who dont run from mud. But through it. Who know it wasnt a day at the beach. Gearheads. And those with green thumbs. To the sticky. The stinky. Even those who get a little icky. To all the beautiful mess makers, keep it up. With delta in2ition plus h2okinetic, you can. See what delta can do. . . You guys ever try one of these bars made over at right twix . Why . You never wondered . [ whoosh zap ] [ glass breaks ] aah [ male announcer ] try both. Pick a side. Twix. [ male announcer ] try both. . Never underestimate the power of energizer. Our longest lasting energizer max ever. I was out here smoking instead of being there for my sons winning shot. That was it for me. Thats why im quitting with nicorette. Only nicorette mini has a patented fast dissolving formula. It starts to relieve sudden cravings fast. Every great why needs a great how. Every great why esurance does Auto Insurance a smarter way. Like their photo claims tool. It helps settle your claim quickly, which saves time, which saves money. And when they save, you save. Thats auto and Home Insurance for the modern world. Esurance, an allstate company. Click or call. Esurance does insurance a smarter way, which saves money. Like bundling home and auto coverage, thats home and Auto Insurance for the modern world. Esurance, an allstate company. cheers and applause . Stephen hey welcome back, my friends cheers and applause good to see you again. My first guest tonight is an emmynominated actress who stars in abcs blackish. Please welcome Tracee Ellis Ross . Stephen welcome to the show. That is an absolutely stunning dress. Thank you very much. Stephen you look beautiful in it. Dolce gabbana. cheers and applause stephen is this your first emmy nomination . Congratulations. It is. When i heard you say it, i thought i like that sound cheers and applause stephen were you awake when they announced it . Stephanie anderson, with Anthony Anderson did the in front of my television. Hes a very energetic human. Stephen yes, he is. And so i was very excited for him. And when it got to my category, i thought, oh, my god, are they doing the e of the ellis or the r of the ross, and then i thought, they passed the es and then i got so excited i got up, ran around my dining room table, opened the front door, there is nowhere to go call somebody stephen so you were running around screaming in your front yard . Totally. Stephen did the neighbors think there was a fire . Oh, theyre totally used to that. Stephen you just informed me of something i didnt know about, the emmys are alphabetized. I didnt know that. Anthony, when they did his category, his name was first. He must have picked the name aa, Anthony Stephen or ace acme. Not as good. Stephen your family celebrated when you got nominated. This is a fullpage ad, congratulations to my daughter Tracee Ellis Ross cheers and applause so sweet. I do want to point out that your mom, the font of mom is bigger than Tracee Ellis Ross. I hadnt actually noticed that. Stephen youre welcome. Its like a yearbook times a hundred. Stephen it is. Did anybody sign it . No, but you should sign it. Stephen hold on. Stay sweet. Have a great summer. You should make a heart or something. Stephen there you go. Thank you very much. Stephen well have this shellacked and framed. Exactly. au stephen so we have been lucky enough, ive had a lot of fun with some of your costars, and ill ask you the same question, what is blackish . Okay. Stephen i dont know the black experience, i dont think i know the blackish experience. What is blackish as opposed to black . Okay. Stephen good question. Its the hot seat. 30 seconds on the clock. Monolithic experience. Stephen mmhmm. So our show explores what it is to be black today and how that evolved and how its changing and what that experience is for this family. So that does not answer your question. Stephen no, anything answers my question. So thats really what it is. Its exploring what black is today. Stephen do you have to be black to be blackish because im definitely not black. Does anyone have a shot at being blackish . Could i have a shot at being blackish . To a certain extent you missed the point by asking that question. laughter however. However, i understand that, within that question is your desire to be black. Stephen to understand each other is what my desire is yes. Stephen i am all white. laughter as a matter of fact, in websters, there is a little picture of me next to the word white. laughter you grew up all around the world. But i think the thing is, though, i believe in a colorful world. So its not about you needing to be something other than what you are. Its about two people celebrating what they are and finding the connection in that and the human experience. cheers and applause stephen you were a model when you started. A short time. Stephen a short, fun time . Yes. Lots of not eating. Stephen that doesnt sound like fun at all. There were a lot of beautiful clothes. When i was in my early 20s im 43 now so its a little bit ago, some modeling. Most of the photographers were like, could you stop talking and be sexy . I would be telling jokes and being silly. Stephen did you go to fashion week . I caught a show, i went to the marc jacobs show. I caught a show. Stephen wow. Did anybody get wobbly on the high heels . These were not high heels. They were platform extraordinary shoes. Stephen they were high though. Beyond high, four bricks on top of each other. Stephen i watch Fashion Shows like i watch nascar, im waiting for the ankles to snap. Thats terrible stephen why . Thats hilarious. What did you say, honeymoon salad . Stephen lettuce alone, no dressing. Where they put a lot of vodka and nothing else. Stephen just wave the vermouth bottle at it . Yes. Stephen abe would say 8 with the Early Bird Special with the scrod. He would do this every night. Just like i do. Not at all stephen you have a character. Yes. Stephen who is this . Clyde. Stephen this is actually you. Okay. speaking in french accent could i be offended clyde is boring because tracee is boring . My name is her name pronouncing name stephen could that mean speaking french but i dont speak french, only speak with a french accent. Stephen so what would she make of my outfit . Oh, its nothing. Stephen nothing . No, its nothing, nothing is happening here, no style, its just clothing. Now, this. cheers and applause i will tell you, stefan, i want to be your friend. Stephen i want to be blackish. laughter blackish season three premieres september 21 on abc. Tracee ellis ross, everybody well be right back with an Important Message that just cheers and applause foot steps . crickets chirping . jet engine . heart beat . water splashing engine revving tires on wet road dennys introduced new buttermilk pancakes and now were introducing free pancakes for kids. Whos crazy idea was this . Well, were pretty sure we know who. For a limited time, kids get our new pancakes in any of these flavors, free. Look at you. Mr. Spontaneous. Feeling good today. Until you realize, your phone is in your pocket. Sure, you could get a new one. But your photos . What, will you do . Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Nothing. Because every pic and video youve ever taken in your entire life. Was already backed up. For free with google photos. Man, im glad aflac pays cash. Aflac aflac like rising copays and deductibles. Aflac or help pay the mortgage . Or child care . Aflaaac and everyday expenses . Aflac learn about one day pay at aflac. Com boat blurlbrlblrlbr tired of redosing antacids . Try duo fusion new, two in one heartburn relief. The antacid goes to work in seconds. Ours in one chewable tablet. Try new duo fusion. . cheers and applause stephen welcome back, ladies and gentlemen cheers and applause welcome back, folks hey, i dont mean to sound die, and i think its the election thats going to kill us. See, tensions have never been higher, because with less than eight days until early voting starts, donald trump and Hillary Clinton are tied in the polls. Which means no matter who you support, your pretty upset. I mean, that candidate might win . the untrustworthy one, with the questionable foundation . the one with the famous daughter and what about the health stuff . that person certainly doesnt look healthy. Plus, they dont understand the rest of the country, theyre from new york. Look, that person is from new york, whoever you support, that other one. Look, democracys had a great run, and so oh, excuse me. That gentle tap on my shoulder means its time for. A late show polite reminder. Tonights polite reminder theres no need to pistol, or the plastic bag and the duct tape. Just step out of the bath and put that toaster down. You see, heres the polite reminder a tie between the candidates around this time in the campaign has happened in every election of this century. Romney and obama were tied around now. Obama and john mccain were tied on september 17 two days from now. George w. Bush and al gore are still tied. One of them won the vote, the cheers and applause its even so, of course hillary and trump are tied right now. Its inevitable. In fact, a latebreaking tie is almost as inevitable as you thought hillary was. And this has been the late show polite reminder. cheers and applause now, in a related story, National Polls show 7. 6 of really . laughter given how passionate people are on both sides, how can you still be unsure . Thats like saying, hmm, what do i want for breakfast . Cheerios or a bowl of hornets . I bet they stay crunchy in milk. laughter and yet, everybody is checking the polls every day. Everyones desperate for any way to read the tea leaves. Well, the good people at snapple 2016. Heres how it works you got two different bottles being put up this year. This tea with a red label, which could represent republicans, or Donald Trumps face. laughter and this tea with a blue label, which could represent democrats, or indicate the flavor secret bluemonia. laughter so go out and get whichever one suits you most. Its as easy as buying a because youre probably asking right now, youre probably asking yourself, was this a paid promotion of snapples delicious and fun teacision 2016 . Fun fact yes, it was and if youre one of the undecideds, heres what you do you just mix them together, all its a poetic and beautiful way to buy twice as much snapple. Well be right back with Andrew Rannells. . cheers and applause initiating retrieval sequence. Target acquired. Dang it ah come on astronauts can vote from space. Take a break from the election with red or blue tea. Make time for snapple. First theres shaving. Blades. Sharp and precise. And also cooling. Oooh. Got goosebumps. Gillette proshield chill. With lubrication before and after the blades. Shields and cools while you shave. Proshield chill from gillette. The best a man can get. Proshield. Discover card. Customer service maam. This isnt a computer. Wait. Youre real . With discover card, you can talk to a real person in the u. S. , like me, anytime. Wow. This is a recording. Really . No, im kidding. 100 u. S. Based customer service. Here to help, not to sell. Anncr hanes underwear with revolutionary xtemp technology is designed to respond to your body temperature youre up. Ew. Im gonna play it. Wedge . Yup next anncr it speeds evaporation to help keep you cool and dry. Hanes xtemp technology. Because when youre cool, youre comfortable. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back folks, my next guest tonight is the tony and grammy Award Winning star of the book of mormon and girls. Please welcome Andrew Rannells . cheers and applause thank you nice to see you its been a while since ive seen you. Stephen it has. The first time you and i met, i had the great honor of introducing you at the tonys for the book of mormon. applause we had been doing the show but out of context like that its terrifying to bru to that stage in front of tens of people, however many people watch the tonys. But i was really scared and then that song started and i was, like, its going to be fine, its going to be fine, then all the moisture left my mouth, so i started singing, and i looked like either jim carrey from the mask or a coke whore i dont know what was happening. Which is oddly the same things i said i wanted to be when i grow up. laughter yes, but it was good. And then i got to see you on the other side at a party which was more fun and i was drunk and stephen absolutely. When you do this, you still look happy. Well, you can do this and you dont even have to smile. laughter and its like i dont even have to work the muscle. Im going to remember that next time im, like, not feeling very happy at dwayne reed. Stephen good prom photo. What are you talking about . Oh, my prom photo. Stephen right there. Can you tell i was aggressively overcompensating for being a gay student in an allboys Catholic School . Stephen yeah. And thats my friend randi newton with whom im still i was 17 in that photo and i think she was 20. In high school, the difference between a 17yearold girl and a 20yearold is like, what the what . Shes showing up, shes not even wearing a proper prom dress, shes wearing like a cocktail dress, the priest lost their bleep minds. laughter but then everybody assumed i was such a player. Theyre like, oh, rannells brought that girl and doing show tunes with her. Wasnt having sex laughter stephen as well you shouldnt. Youre from oklahoma. Omaha, nebraska. Stephen one of those states gets an apology now. Thats all right. Stephen but youre from nice people. You have been in some obscene shows. The book of mormon is dirtiest thing ive ever seen. I guess. Stephen and girls gets down and dirty at times. Trey parker, when we were rehearsing, he would say i dont know if the middle of the country is going to go for this. Trey would say, im from the midwest and rannells is from the midwest, thats where all the dirty people are from. Stephen from the center. Yeah. laughter some people assume its the coast, those are the heathens. No, its right in the center. Stephen the midwestern people know when theyre being dirty so it counts. Yeah. Stephen but people on the coast are so filthy they cant even tell anymore. They dont know. Stephen so girls rapping wrapping up. Yes, were finishing. Stephen how did the girls change over the seasons . Our first job on television. Be on the show but theyre actually the proper age. Stephen you could be any age between 20 and 42 and i would believe you. Ill take both sides of that. Stephen okay. No, its been good. I think a lot of people think the cast is, like, it must be crazy, young actresses. Stephen cool. No, its a lot of talk about bone density and, like, non like they cant have dairy. Its a lot of talk l its more like the golden girls than girls, girls. applause stephen maybe you should just keep going they will all look like rue mcclanahan. They should. Stephen you are the big star. What are you doing here . What is this . cheers and applause what is this . Pok . Mon live. cheers and applause 2000, i believe it was. Yeah, radio city music hall. I will not say this actress name because im sure she would probably sue me. Stephen shes in the witness protection program. Some of these people i see we were in that show together and its as if we did porn together or made a snuff film together. Stephen thats more midwestern dirty, yeah. laughter this is cbs, we dont say snuff film here. My career has done better . Stephen youre going back to broadway or for a remake of falsettos. Yes cheers and applause stephen youre built for this show. Im very flattered. Its a show thats never been revised. Im a huge fan. It was in the tony awards in 1992 and i was so blown away by its a really crazy thing that i actually get to be a part of it with a great cast. Stephen you all get midwestern dirty. Little anthony rosenthal, the 12yearold, is making his broadway debut. Stephen you could definitely play 12. laughter well, congratulations. Nice to see you. Thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. Stephen falsettos begins september 29. Andrew rannells, everybody performance by mac miller featuring Anderson Paak . cheers and applause constipated . Suppositories for relief in minutes and stool softeners for comfortable relief of hard stools. Dulcolax, designed for dependable relief [ on the road again, by Willie Nelson ] . On the road again . [ rear alert sounds ] [ music stops ] . Just cant wait to get on the road again . [ front assist sounds ] [ music stops ] [ girl laughs ] . On the road again . . Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway . [ beetle horn honks ] you get more standard features, for less than you expected. Hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s for just 199 a month. . . Marco. polo marco. polo marco. polo marco. polo marco. s . . Polo marco. polo scusa . Ma io sono marco polo, ma. Marco. playing marco polo with marco polo . Surprising. Ragazzini, io sono marco polo. S . , sono qui. How much money amanda and keith saved by switching to geico. Ahhh. Polo. Marco. polo fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. . cheers and applause hold onto your forks. Endless shrimp is back at red lobster. That means you get to try as much as you want. Of whatever flavors are calling your name. Seriously. Like new garlic srirachagrilled shrimp. Its a little spice. A little sizzle. And a lot just right. And try new parmesan peppercorn shrimp. Helloooo crispy goodness. And the classic. Handcrafted shrimp scampi. You cant get enough of . Still gonna floor you. Last. Poor mouth breather. Allergies . Stuffy nose . Cant sleep . Take that. A breathe right nasal strip instantly opens your nose up to 38 more than allergy medicine alone. Shut your mouth and say goodnight, mouthbreathers. Breathe right. . Never underestimate the power of energizer. Our longest lasting energizer max ever. At lexus what we learn on the track, experience the power and precision of the lexus f sport performance line. This is the pursuit of perfection. Hey, need fast heartburn relief . Try cool mint zantac. It releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. Zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. Nexium can take 24 hours. Stephen here performing, dang , ladies and gentlemen, mac milller featuring Anderson Paak with jon batiste and stay human cheers and applause . I cant keep on losing you over complications . Gone too soon wait, we was just hangin . I guess i need to hold onto dang . The people that know me best the key that i wont forget . Too soon i cant keep on losing you . I cant keep on losing you . Yeah, yeah, yeah how many mistakes do it take . til you leave and im left with my hand and my . Face all red and a face looking at you like . Wait i know i aint a saint, . If it aint too late well. I cant keep on losing you . I run away so fast know my heart like gold . But it break like glass knowing stuff get old when i act . So young baby you so cold, . Never had no son you dont wanna grow up, . You some make you feel like whoo, . When i hit that drum yeah the aint free . I dont give no yeah its complicated . Got you frustrated get home late and you dont . Trust me baby you way too drunk . You dont know what im saying you can drive my car . Dont drive me crazy complicated, got you frustrated . Every single night i keep you waiting . You say you dont care is what you saying . We both know thats some bull okay, we be fighting . We be reuniting kiss me, tug me, tease me . Me excited got the devil who . Couldnt get through to you because . I cant keep on losing you over complications . Gone too soon wait, we was just hangin . I guess i need to hold onto, dang . The people that know me best the key that i wont forget . Too soon i cant keep on losing you . Cant keep losing you i cant keep losing you . Cant keep losing you i cant keep losing you . Cant keep losing you i cant keep losing you . Well, you cant go away girl imma need you play your games . Like they my ticket to an Ivy League School . Wont get hall of fame from a minor league dude . I just eat, other people need food . Only got a little time, and i aint tryna spend it . Arguing about who aint giving who attention . Starting up the engine, need to reboot . I just eat, other people need food . And i aint used every bone in my body . Youre always on my brain if l . It come with pain . I just think thats some bull . Okay, its seems inviting trust me, shes a titan . This week she like him next week they fightin . Need protection all your dress is bulletproof . Say it for me girl . I cant keep on losing you where the hell you going . . Where you taking this trip to . Wait . Dont move dont stay too i cant keep on losing you . Where the hell you going . Wait over complications . Gone too soon wait, we was just hangin . I guess i need to hold onto dang . The people that know me best the key that i wont forget . Too soon i cant keep on losing you cant keep losing you . I cant keep losing you cant keep losing you . I cant keep losing you cant keep losing you . I cant keep losing you cant keep losing you . I cant keep losing you cant keep losing you . I cant keep losing you cant keep losing you . I cant keep losing you cant keep losing you . I cant keep losing you cant keep losing you . I cant keep losing you stephen mac millers new album, the divine feminine comes out tomorrow mac miller and Anderson Paak, everybody stephen thats it for the late show, everybody tune in tomorrow when my guests will be john slattery, oliver now stick around for james corden and his guests, jimmy kimmel, patrick dempsey, and rene . E zellweger. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org . Are you ready yall to have some fun . Feel the love tonight dont you worry bout . Your hangups and fearsht bout to set you right . Its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from lake ontario,