Last lap and Jimmie Johnson appears to be using his hands again to hold the group fruit oh, my and theyre neck and neck its a photo finish lets go to the tape no, i was wrong. Going to the tape was a waste of everyones time. Jimmie johnson clearly won. For cbs racing, larry boberry. Back to you, opening credits announcer tits late sho announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert toornghts steve welcomes James Marsden, Jimmie Johnson and john waters. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. Live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen ehey, welcome, everybody welcome to the late show lovely group of folks. Welcome to the late show, everybody. I am your host Stephen Colbert, and i couldnt be happier to be with all of you right now. What a privilege it is to come out here and talk about all of the jon yeah. Stephen some of them good, some of them bad, but human feelings we can share through the miracle of television. Heres something i have a feeling about the trump train keeps on rolling down them crazy tracks. laughter yesterday, trump summoned all the bigwigs of tv news, folks like cnn president jeff zucker and nbc anchor lester holt, to were being named secretary of state. Hes going to have, like, 20 secretaries of state. A lot of countries, makes sense. Once they got there, our nations most prominent media figures were dressed down and told, were in a room of liars, and he told cnns jeff zucker, i hate your Network Everyone at cnn is a liar. That one. I mean, why is Anthony Bourdain on the Cable News Network . Eating noodles is not news and reportedly, trump told the president of nbc news that her network wont run a nice picture of him, instead choosing this picture of me, as he made a face with a double chin. Yeah, nbc, stop using unflattering pictures of donald trump. The man theres no bad pictures of him cheers and applause applause come on, jimmie, put that back up there. He runs the gamut from i just ate a bug all the way to may i lick the bride . You may not. applause of course, when not berating the media, the president elect has been busy filling his cabinet. So attorney general alabama senator and albino smurf, jeff sessions. If senator sessions becomes attorney general, he would be in charge of enforcing our nations civil rights laws. And if you want to know where he stands on civil rights, theres a hint in his full name Jefferson Beauregard sessions iii. in a southern accent i say to you, sir the only way that could sound more confederate is if he were named general stonewall secession mccottongin. laughter of the birmingham mccottongins. I challenge you to a dual laughter in fact, during the reagan administration, he was denied a judicial appointment over some allegations of racism. Among other things, a coworker claims sessions said he was okay with the klan until i learned they smoked pot. laughter come on. You shouldve known they smoked pot when they started calling themselves wizards. laughter piano riff he might be the only politician in history to go down thinking the klan is too chill. laughter and trumps frontrunner to lead the department of Homeland Security appears to be kansas secretary of state and middle School Football coach whos not allowed on the field anymore, kris kobach. When kobach met with trump, something tells me he came plan for the first 365 days. And by something i mean this picture, where he is clearly holding his Strategic Plan for the first 365 days. Well, thats Homeland Security. The only way those plans could be safer is if he stored them on his private email server. audience reacts applause during the campaign, donald things as president , and maybe strangest and strongest was his promise, his pledge, his rallying cry to jail Hillary Clinton. If i win, i am going to instruct my attorney general to get a special prosecutor to look into your situation because there has never been so many lies, so much deception. There has never been anything like it, and were going to have you know, it is. Its just awfully good that someone with the temperament of donald trump is not in charge of the law in our country. Because youd be in jail. Secretary clinton audience reacts stephen woohoo hoo oh, i was a happier time when just the idea of donald trump was terrifying instead of the reality. But today, on msnbcs cof joe morning, hillary got some good news. We begin with breaking news a source with direct knowledge of Donald Trumps thinking tells morning joe that, in his administration, the president elect will not pursue any investigations into Hillary Clinton for her use of a private email server and the clinton foundation. I think when the president elect, whos also the head of your party now, joe, tells you before hes even inaugurated he doesnt wish to pursue these charges, it sends a stephen that strong message ignore all my previous strong messages. applause and i dont know about you, but that is something ill be giving thanks for this thursday. Weve got a great show for you tonight. James marsden is here. And when we come back, ill give you some advice about cooking your turkey. cheers and applause . Where do you think youre going . . . Where do you think youre goinggoing, girl . . . . Girl, where do you think youre going . . . Ights in shining armor or happily ever after. But you believed when the right one came along, youd be ready. Time to shine. Orbit. . Because aunts will do anything for a laugh. [sfx squeaking on glass] when families gather, things get messy. Ours can help. Sc johnson. We catch flo, the progressive girl, at the supermarket buying cheese. Scandal alert flo likes dairy . woman busted [ laughter ] right afterwards we caught her riding shotgun with a mystery man. Oh, yeah [ indistinct shouting ] is this your chauffeur . What . no, i was just showing him how easy it is to save with snapshot from progressive. You just plug it in and it gives you a rate based on your driving. Does she have insurance for being boring . [ light laughter ] laugh bigger. [ laughter ] want a feast fit for the season . Sters holiday seafood celebration nothing says treat yourself like any of these indulgent new dishes. So try the new grand seafood feast with tender shrimp, a decadent crab cake, and a lobster tail topped with white wine butter. Or the new wildcaught lobster shrimp trio crispy and garlic grilled red shrimp, and a lobster tail with creamy lobster macandcheese . You wanted a feast, you got it. Feasts like these make the holidays y24zwy y12fy . cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the late show its just two days before of you are stressed about making the meal. Thats why its so important to get Accurate Information on turkey preparation. You could try youtube. Lots of howto videos there about how to give your turkey a smoky eye. But the Gold Standard is the Butterball Turkey talkline. Its a toll free number you can call to speak to experts who really know what theyre talking about. Or, this year, to me because, last weekend, i flew to the heartland of america to help butterball out. Announcer the late show presents Stephen Colberts thanksgiving turkey titches. Stephen i headed to the butterball call center in naperville, illinois where i met carol miller a 33 year hi. Stephen carol, what makes a good butterball hot liner . What are you looking for. A good battleground. You have to be a good listener because theyre telling you whats happening in your house. Stephen i didnt catch that . Theyre telling you whats happening in your house. You have to be a good detective. Stephen they might have murdered someone . No, you have to find clues. Stephen if they d someone . No, you need more clues to answer their question. Stephen whats the craziest question. Sometimes they call and want to rent a turkey suit. Stephen why. I dont ask nu role playing, maybe . You be the pilgrim, ill be the turkey, go get the baster . Do you know the secret handshake . I dont. Stephen come at me like this and our thumbs hook from got it. Stephen whats the phone manner like . Hi, this is steve. Can i take yes, yes. Stephen how about, we canal to the butterball hotline. No, first one. Thank you. When youre done talk and youve made them happy and goodbye you may want to say happy thanksgiving. Stephen should i give them happy at the begin org the end of the phone call . All the way through. When youre done, see the black button . Thats going to get released and you will get another call. Stephen the release is right there. Right. Stephen after the happy ending, i hit the black button for the call release. Thats right. Stephen thank you. laughter great, thank you, carol. Thank you very much. Thanks. Good luck. Stephen all right. Butterball hotline, lets butter your balls. I like it well done, how stephen a long time. Cook it a long time. Hi, this is carol, we canal to the turkey talk line. Hi. Carol, cooking my Butterball Turkey breast with wings, and i put it in at 325. Stephen oh, boy laughter but after two hours, i put aluminum foil on it . Stephen over all of it or just the thighs . There were no thighs. Stephen there were thighs. No. Stephen what happened to the bird. Why were there no thighs . The way it was sold is the breast and wings. Stephen you got ripped off, birds usually come with thighs. I apologize. Can i get a number . Well send you out a fresh turkey with thighs. Thats not right. How do you do that . Stephen give me an address, ill send you another turkey. Most of them are grown with them. Really . Less than the required cook time. Stephen that happens a lot. And the Meat Thermometer is saying its at 188. Stephen get out of there, its going to blow. Is 188, no way you want a turkey that hot. Thats what im saying because i followed the time on the instructions. Stephen whats your name . Why are you asking me my name . Stephen im trying to calm you down. Seems like youre in a panic. Because when i answered the phone youre turkey expert. Stephen well, thats mostly marketing. I apologize. Butterball turkey talk line, this is steve, how can i help you . Oh, i hope you can. This is remlly a question about stuffing. Stephen okay. Do you call it stuffing or dressing . I call it stuffing. Stephen okay. Wrong answer. Byebye. applause hello. Stephen hello. speaking french i speak english. Stephen delta threefiveniner, this is chicago ohare tower. Need you to go to 2700 feet, level off on approach. Please stay in a holding pattern. We will advice. Hello. Stephen hello, is this delta three five niner . No, im calling the Butterball Turkey hot line. Stephen well, youve reached ohare tower. Can you please put the pilot on. What . Stephen can you plee youre on final approach to runway no, im not no stephen maam, it is a federal offense to interrupt with avionics or aviation. Please put the pilot on right now. You are delta three five niner on approach to ohare. I have planes stacked up on ohare like cord wood right now. All right . I dont know what youre talking about. Stephen can i have your name, please . No. Absolutely not. Stephen i cant have your name. All right. Im going to have to hand this over to Homeland Security if you dont give me your name. Well, you can do that. Stephen delta three five niner, you are cleared to land. Im going to call the police. All right . Stephen well, im going to call the army. If you want to get into it. Im going to call the police right now. Stephen youre the one whos calling ohare tower to ask about cooking a turkey and youre calling the police . Butterball turkey talk line, gobble gobble. Hi, ive got a question. I bought a turkey yesterday at a target superstore. It was, like, in the refrigerator kind of open cooler in the produce department. Stephen oh, like those things that look like coffins . Yeah, yeah, but theyre closed. Stephen yeah. Theyre open. Exactly. Exactly. An open casket. Yeah, okay. So my question is, and it says sell up to like november 28th. Now, is it okay to just i brought it hope and just put it in my refrigerator. Can i keep it in the refrigerator a week or can i freeze it first or was it still frozen first. Stephen it might be still frozen and you dont know it. The inside could be still frozen. Because its heavy, like 20 pounds. Stephen when it thaws, it will be just as heavy. Dont put it outside. Thats the one thing. A lot of people put their turk eyes outside to thaw. I want to ask you about the turkeys. Stephen dont be nervous. Its going to be fine, youre talking to a turkey expert now. Its squishy if i squeeze it but it feels heavy on the inside. Its not like i can move the leg. Stephen its still in the packaging, right . Do you have a wooden spoon . Yeah. With the spoon, does it sound like a rock or does it sound like youre spank aging a lover. Like youre spanking. Stephen put the phone up, too. Im hitting it with my hand. laughter one more time. I didnt hear that. spank yeah, thats thawed. It will be fine. Says sell by1 after thanksgiving. Stephen after thanksgiving, sell by 11 28. Does it say what year . 2016. Stephen just making sure. Yes. Stephen so, yeah, you can definitely sell it. Sell it . Stephen yeah, you can definitely sell it, if it says you can sell it by 11 28, you can legally sell it. No, if it was in the refrigerator part of the produce department and theyre sitting out there, so obviously theyre just sitting out there as well as sitting in my fridge, right . Thing which is why they sold it and you can sell it now, too. Okay . Youre confusing me now. Stephen you will be fine as long as you dont take any of my advice and have a fantastic time. Okay. You have a good thanksgiving. Stephen you, too. Goodbye. impossib impossib gobble gobb stephen happy thanksgiving, everybody back with James Marsden . . . . . . . laughs. here it is. . Hey dad . Wishes do come true. The lincoln wish list sales event is on. Get exceptional offers on the lincoln family of luxury vehicles. Sign and drive off in a new 2017 lincoln mkc with zero down and a complimentary first months payment. If you could see your cough, its just a cough. Sfx woman coughing youd see how often you cough all day. And so would everyone else. Robitussin 12 hour delivers fast, powerful cough relief that lasts up to 12 hours. . cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody cheers and applause thank you, sir. Folks, my first guest tonight is an actor that gq recently named the worlds handsomest butler and now hbos westworld. Do you remember now . Yeah, of course i remember why. You look upon the face of true evil, you wont forget. You claimed you could they voice of god. Stephen please welcome James Marsden. cheers and applause . Thank you. Very kind of everyone for that applause. Stephen theyre very nice do they do that for everyone . Stephen only if you say nice things about them. Okay. I love all of you very much. Stephen im a huge fan of the show but im a couple of episodes behind so no spoilers, please. Okay. Stephen but i imagine that people must come up to you all the time, like the westworld fans, are a little obsessive, trying to figure out what its about and that sort of thing. What do they yell at you when they see you . Actually, i was on the plane the other day and i got of my seat to get something out of the overhead bin and a voice went like this are you real . I didnt even see the person. They seemed really put out that i was there on the plane. Are you real . Stephen are you real . It puts the lotion on its skin. It chases delores and finds why and gets the hose again. My show runner will love that. He said, i just want to know, you know, i dont want you getting shot up on my flight. So i said, are you real . I said, those bloody marys are real, arent they . laughter stephen youre already a movie star from big movies, but has this changed the number of people who recognized you on the street . Every week they see a new James Marsden movie, essentially. Well, thats kind of you. Its usually split between the people who recognize me and the people else. I get mistaken quite often for someone else. I was actually on the set of westworld and one of the key grips or someone on the crew came up and say, can i speak to you for a minute . I was, like, oh, boy. Ehe said, i just want to say, your films, i watched them with my son. When i grew up, i was a boy and i read the comics and watched the tv show with my father and it was a tradition that we had, the same thing with your films, and its a part of my household, its a part of our tradition in my family that i cherish and thank you for being a part of that and god bless captain kirk. laughter i was, like, i just didnt have the heart to tell him i wasnt chris pine. Stephen or he thought you were william shatner. laughter there are underpinnings to westworld. There is lots of whiffs of philosophy coming off the show. What do you think its about . What do you think westworld is about . I think its the exen tear that its presenting is sort of when do we become human and what it is to be human and is there a beginning of consciousness and how do you behave when no ones looking and there are no rules. From a humans perspective visiting, but beyond that we technology crazy and with we are fully immersed in Virtual Reality and video games an thats all on the horizon and there are people much smarter than i am that know where thats going. Stephen does that appear to you . Have you done the goggles and exploration of Virtual World and all that sort of thing . No, i was playing nintendo 64 last night, actually. cheers and applause stephen the host on w generation of the hosts are so human as to be indistinguishable from human. Right. Stephen how do you as an actor play a probot that is supposed to be indistinguishable from a human . Jonah no land the show runner and lisa joy did an amazing job with us and said were playing human beings, were bringing humanity to these a. I. And Evan Rachel Wood plays halfway through the shoot where we as actors are robots. And we went, wait a second, we come in, someone gives us lines to read, we have a narrative, we do the scene, we make out with someone whos not our real girlfriend, we die sometimes, and they yell cut lets do it one more time. Lets reset and start over again. Thats what we do for a living as actors applause is this true the handsomest man thing . Congratulations, gq named you the worlds handsomest man. Does that come with anything . Is there a medal or cash prize or you just get to keep your face . No, its just an alba troughs around my neck. Stephen were you a stud growing up . I was not. No, i was sort of a theater geek. cheering stephen you think this guy did not get any attention . Look, you picked the best photo of me. Stephen would you like to see the best photo of me from high school . I would. Stephen this is the best photo of me from high school. cheers and applause were safe to say that that is stephen evidently it was precolor film. laughter so if you couldnt get the girls attention, what was your gamut to get their attention . I was goofy. I was in theater. I was a guy who was probably a little too enthusiastic to be playing, you know, hugo peabody in byebye birdie, and i probably may have confused some of the girls in high school. The girls would be, like, i yet. But i was kind of goofy. I was kind of, you know, i would come to school and do Richard Pryor and edd ed eddie murphy bits. I would memorize their standups. Stephen do you do impressions . Well, not, like, on the spot. cheering i just finished a movie with woody harrelson. The hardest are your walkins or mcconaughey. One thing about mcconaughey is you cant just do the all right, all right thing anymore, but what youve got to do is throw in a little texas whistle in there with those ss so when start to creep on in, and why dont you step outside to my air stream, ill make you a margarita to blow your horns off imitating mcconaughey cheers and applause stephen westworld airs sunday nights on hbo. James marsden, everybody well be right back with nascar James Marsden, everybody well be right back with nascar champion Jimmie Johnson. B cheers and applause wr. How much am i making for this again . Ooh oooooooh her last opponent is still in a coma. What . I should go walk my cats. No. No no no. Amy, get in there and fight for your life. Isnt there an easier way to make a hundred k . Sure. Old navys giving away a hundred k everyday through black friday. Plus its 50 off your entire purchase. 50 off . you keep in touch with me, girl. Im going to old navy. Ahh its 50 off wednesday through friday i just see a black screen. Crazy stuff, man. Youve gotta see this. Whatwhat is this . Its like some 3d Virtual World. Can i see . Oh yai yai yai yai yai yai. Look at the moon. Hey, need fast heartburn relief . Try cool mint zantac. It releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. Zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. Nexium can take 24 hours. Try cool mint zantac. No more games, jerry. You saw the deal and hustled to u. S. Cellular to get yourself the Samsung Galaxy s7 and 500 bucks. Maybe. Maybe, jerbear . Hmm . Got your phone and your 500 and put it under your own tree. Thats your writing you after santas job . It was a oneday deal. Sorry, santa. Its no crime to gift yourself. Get a Samsung Galaxy s7 this friday cheers and applause . Stephen hey welcome back, everybody my next guest just won his seventh sprint cup championship, making him tied for the most championships in nascar history. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the 2016 nascar Sprint Cup Series champion, Jimmie Johnson cheers and applause congratulations, man there you go. Hey, hey can we take a look at that thing right there . Yeah. Stephen that is oh, my lord that is this would make a great murder weapon. No one would ever suspect. Its got a lot of shar a great thing to hold your nameos. Congratulations. Thank you. Stephen put it over there. It would be like getting rid of confession. Congratulations. Ive got the moment where you finished the line, celebrating with your friends. Okay. That is the most cheers and applause did that hurt . At this point in time, if you zoom in, the pain hasnt hit me and the next frame im just in utter misery. Stephen what gets me is i think there is more gatorade here than could possibly fit in the tub. Is the back of this tub connected to narnia or something . laughter congratulations you joined Richard Petty and Dale Earnhardt as the seventimers club. What does that mean to you . Eth means so much to tie with the great hopefully i can leave my own mark in the sport as they did. Stephen youre 41 right now. Yes. Stephen got a little snow on the chin. Coming in slowly. Stephen tony stuarts last race and hes 45. 45. Stephen how long can you drive . Whats the career like . In some sports youre done by 41. Right. Stephen whats the top there. I can get to 45, i think. Stephen i have sat in a nascar car, but ive never the wheels have never even rolled one full revolution with me in it. We need to change that. Stephen i know. It would be nice. The doctors say ive got a condition called a coward laughter clinical term. Stephen and ive ridden with the Thunder Birds but afraid to get in a nascar. I havt birds. Stephen dont do it. Thats what ive heard from everybody. Stephen is there anything you can compare it to . We were all kids once and had our license and stood on the gas and raced around. Its in that same vein and thats where i started. Granted, it was a lot safer than what i was doing on the streets as a kid. Youre on a track, you have walls, everybodys going the same direction, an ambulance is was his race to lose before he crashed with ten to go or Something Like that. What the it like when youre in a crash, like being in an industrial drier with fluorescent bulbs thrown in with you . laughter are you oriented at all when thats happening . Absolutely. As the crash starts, were going on the brakes, some cases you need to be on the gas to try to spin out of the way, working the steering wheel, trying to i limit the impact of whats going on. For us, there is a lot of noise in a crash, but when you hit hard, you just take a little nap, you wake up and youre okay. Stephen cant be too upset, you dont want to make it to 52. Thats it. Stephen also, youre an athlete with the car but also your foot. You do triathlons. The pain in triathlon versus much easier. Stephen do you have to be in shape to drive a race car . Yes. Stephen doesnt the car provide the muscle . True, but its 120 degrees inside the car regardless of the outside temperature. Stephen you do a little hot owinga. No, i cant sit still so i dont do yoga. Im very dehydrated right now because of the race and the celebrating last night so i need to get back on that program. Stephen we race to the top of the show. I cramped a little. Stephen i saw the hand touch the grapefruit a lilt bit there. Im not going to ask for instant replay. Your hand touched the grapefruit a little bit there. Also touched the orange. laughter were going to stop there with the fruit . Theres one more left. Stephen okay, so now youre one of the alltime greats of your sport. What do you think makes you great . You know, i was asked this earlier and ive thought long and hard about it, and really the basis of being a top, top nascar driver is being good at complaining. Stephen how does complaining all i do is complain about what my car wont do and can somebody fix it. Stephen you just come into the pit and say, hey, than, this thing wont even go faster. The button, talk to the crew, yell at them about how bad the car is and hope they can dream up something to fix it. Greatest job in the world. laughter stephen if youre doing 180, if youre out in the front and know you have the rest of the field dustt even at 180, does your mind wander, like, i got to pick up some eggs and bread . laughter do you ever start whistling a taylor swift song or Something Like that . The taylor swift songs been we went to her concert. Stephen doe does taylor kno . You should be in the squad. Whats that . Stephen the girls squad. Doesnt sound good. I dont know about. This my daughter can be. Stephen okay. Well work it out. I think she would like to have you up there. Jimmie, lovely to meet you. Thank you so much again. Good to have you back. 2016 nascar Sprint Cup Series champion johnson. Well be right back with john waters when cold and flu hold you back try theraflu expressmax, now in new caplets. Its the only cold flu caplet that has a maximum strength formula with a unique warming sensation you instantly feel. Theraflu. For a powerful comeback. New expressmax caplets. . sfx plastic scraping plastic about future grandchildren. When families gather things get messy. Ours can help. Sc johnson. Hey come quick. My new beer, stella artois, is finished. The people will love it. Originally brewed for the holidays. Enjoyed ever since. Stella artois. Host one to remember im here with targets black friday orbuster you guys look amazing good thing i wore my formal frosting tonight cheers and applause . Stephen welcome back, everybody hey, everybody my next guest is known as the pope of trash and the man behind films like pink flamingos, hairspray and crybaby. Please welcome, john waters cheers and applause stephen thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. Stephen that jacket is a wake me up. Thank you. I try to dress like a jackson pollack painting. Stephen its working. Thanks. Stephen youve got a Christmas Tour coming up called a john waters c country. 18 cities. Stephen obviously before christmas we have thanksgiving. Whats a john wate a john wates thanksgiving like . Every year i go to my sisters and i bring a swag bag of everything fans and companies send me i dont want and all my nieces and nephews go through it and try it on but i forget some send me is a little questionable and ill see a little 5yearold with a bossy tshirt. Stephen so the hippest kid at preschool. Or the authorities raid the thanksgiving, right. laughter stephen you have been known for doing pretty outrageous films and shows. What does it take to shock john waters these days . Well, the election shocked me, certainly. applause stephen yeah. Yeah, i did feel like somebody stuck me with a cattle prod. But heres how i feel about it. I lived through nixon and reagan who said there wasnt anything about aids. Trump at least has met a gay person but pence is the one im worried about. Stephen no impeaching . Oh, i think he might not last four years but ill get through go ahead. laughter but to me, you know, the whole thing about pence is his policies are so terrible. I mean, with gay people, you know, he wanted to not have aides funding and give it to conversion therapy. Well, even pence wouldnt want me to be straight, really. I mean, what would i do . Be doing the electric slide and agoling Tiffany Trump . Its hard to imagine. So i think he deserved what he got at hamilton, to be h artists are there. First of all, hamilton is the only musical heterosexualmen ever loved, and i really looked it, too, but he better be careful if he goes back to broadway. I hope he doesnt go to the revival of bette midler and hello dolly because those cho russ girls will come out and give him a new kind of bleep . cheers and applause to cbs, but thank you for being here. laughter a john waters christmas. What do you love about the holiday . I love its so extreme. Stephen what do you mean . Its coming at you. Cant change it. There is nothing you can do about it. So every year at christmas i try to think of things i want for christmas. Stephen toys and stuff like that . Well, toys are i collect every year and the list just came out, im so is an Organization Called watch which is world against toys that cause harm, and every year they release a list of the ten most dangerous toys. And i collect them. Stephen is this one of them . Yeah, this is the first one ever. Gobbles, the garbageeating goat. And i have it laughter the problem with it is the little garbage it ate children choked on. But i gave it to my nephews. laughter but this year, theyve got some good new ones. Stephen what is this, butch . The butch charging dinosaur. I thought it was a present for baby lesbians, you know, but its not because the problem on this is it has some starting device that punctures your neck if you get it to close. Well, thats going to be a problem at christmas. Stephen you will get blood all over the tree. Yeah. Stephen what do you want for i want backing for a business. I want to start a new sex club. We dont have them anymore. Stephen i wouldnt know. You never went to hellfire . Stephen no, i couldnt afford the initiation. laughter but i want to have a new kind and the publicity event, first of all, would be all the gay women from provincetown would go to fire island and raid the meat rack there, and all the nude men the weekend and they would have sex lesbians and gay men together and it would be a new strain of heterosexuality. applause stephen and this is what you want for christmas . I do. If there is any backers out there, my club would be called flipflop. Stephen well, good luck. Its very 2018. Stephen it certainly is. You c christmas comedy tour across the east coast from now through stephen thats it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be danny devito, Max Greenfield and musical guest okgo. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, Aaron Eckhart and trevor noah. Goodnight captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh . Are you ready yall to have some fun . Feel the love tonight dont you worry bout . Where you come from its gonna be all right . Its the late, late show