Comedian roy wood, jr. And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 623, phoenix steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh hey thats what im talking about, buddy hi welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Thank you very much. I send the love right back to you guys. Welcome. Welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] this is it thank you so much for being here, everybody. Welcome. I love you, jimmy jimmy i love you, too. I love you, too, yeah. [ cheers ] i love everybody. Guys, but love is in the air because tomorrow is valentines day. Steve yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tomorrow is valentines day, which means in 24 hours, guys all across the country will be telling their loved ones, i thought you said we werent doing gifts this year . [ laughter and applause ] but, you said that. Just always get a gift. Just always yeah, yeah, oh. Actually i read that one of the more popular valentines day gifts this year is gym memberships. [ audience oohs ] steve oh, gosh. Jimmy what better way to say, i love you than by saying, youre fat and i want you out of the house . Steve aw. Jimmy its like, thank you very much. Appreciate that. [ applause ] the grammys were last night. Did you watch the grammys . Anybody . [ cheers and applause ] it was great. Adele adele was the big winner. But yeah. [ cheers ] but get this. After winning for best album, adele said she thought beyonce should have won instead. [ cheers ] then kanye was like, damn, she beat me to it, and went back to sleep. [ applause ] you got to be there. You got to be there, kanye. Did you see this . During his performance with a a tribe called quest, busta rhymes referred to President Trump as president agent orange. [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] and the secret service said, great. Now he needs a new code name. All right, uh, what do we uh give me something. Orange julius . Well, this weekend at his maralago resort in florida, President Trump apparently discussed Sensitive Information about a north Korean Missile launch in front of waiters and other guests. The guests said they wont share what they overheard, while the waiter said [ russian accent ] no promises. [ laughter and applause ] president agent orange let cat out of bag. This is just crazy. I saw someone at maralago posted a facebook photo with the man carrying the bag with the Nuclear Launch codes. Even worse, the bag was a purse from the ivanka trump collection. Steve what . Jimmy and you got that the whole thing steve what . Jimmy the whole thing is shady. I dont get it. Steve shady. Jimmy well this is pretty embarrassing. Yesterday the u. S. Department of education incorrectly spelled the name of civil rights activist w. E. B. Du bois in a tweet. [ light laughter ] yeah. Then they followed up they followed that tweet up and this is real by tweeting, our deepest apologizes for the earlier typo [ laughter ] it was only steve ah [ laughter ] jimmy a lot of people called out controversial education secretary betsy devos, for the error. Well, betsy actually reached to us to address this. So joining us now via satellite is education secretary betsy devos. [ laughter ] betsy, are you there . [ cheers and applause ] betsy yes, hi hi, jimmy im back on your tv. Im betsy devos. Jimmy betsy, betsy the camera is the cameras behind you. Oh, hello, camera jimmy yeah. Im betsy devos. Jimmy thats right, you are. Now betsy, would you like to address this tweet controversy . Oh, yes. A lot of people were screaming at me and making mad faces. So i prepared a formal apology. [ clears throat ] betsy devoss apology by betsy devos. Oh, thats me [ laughter ] we at the department of educash cab are [ laughter ] so sorry for any teepos. Parentheses look into camera and frown. [ laughter ] our sincerest im sorrys go out to w. E. B. Du bois as well as to w. E. B. Du girls. [ applause ] jimmy betsy betsy, what do you have to say to all the people who think that youre unqualified for this position . Thats simply not true. I am totally got this. [ laughter ] let me show you with a quick game. Pick any state and i can name the capital. Jimmy okay. New york. [ laughter ] how about a different game . Jimmy all right, all right, all right. How about just name any state . Alaskaka. [ laughter ] floridian. Misapeepee. Thats four right there. Jimmy all right, thank you very much. Betsy. Betsy devos, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] im betsy devos. Jimmy thats right. Betsy devos, thank you very, very much. Cleared everything up. Thank you. [ applause ] guys, its reported that ivanka trump has been signing up for fitness classes in the washington, d. C. , area using a a fake name. Of course, shes not the only white house insider who uses an alias. I mean, for example, Melania Trump uses the alias, ivana gobacktoslovenia. [ laughter ] press Secretary Sean Spicer goes by, angry spice. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, donald trump uses the alias, hugh jands. There you go. [ applause ] hugh jands. Steve hugh jands. Hugh jands. Jimmy as we mentioned earlier, tomorrow is valentines day. And if you havent made plans already, dont worry, youre not alone. Joining us to help with some last minute ideas, is one our writers and selfproclaimed valentines day planning expert, arthur meyer. Welcome, arthur. [ cheers and applause ] hi, jimmy. Happy almostvalentines day. [ laughter ] jimmy ah, so what do you have to say to those procrastinators out there . Well, i have some great news. You dont have to make plans weeks in advance to have a a romantic valentines day. Jimmy thats great. What do you suggest . Well, a romantic dinner is always a sure bet but good luck finding a restaurant that isnt already fully booked for valentines day. So just do what i do and surprise your lady with a a homecooked meal. Jimmy cool. Thats actually what im planning to do this year. Hey, thats great, jimmy. Mind if mind if me and the gal saddle up and join you . [ laughter ] i was just kidding. Jimmy what . [ light laughter ] yeah, no, yeah. Im totally kidding about coming over to your place on valentines day. Unless you happen to be free. [ light laughter ] jimmy im not free. I just told you i have plans. Oh, yeah, no, yeah. I know. I mean, this would be super casual. Itd just be like a super lowkey, like, fourhour dinnerdessert, hang sesh sort of thing. Jimmy hang sesh . No, thats not that low key at all. Having you and your girlfriend invite yourselves over to my place for four hours . No, yeah, no, yeah. Of course not, yeah. Well if it helps, you know, it would actually just be me. My girlfriend cant make it. [ laughter ] jimmy why not . Ah, because we broke up three years ago. [ laughter ] jimmy well, im sorry, but youre not coming over. Well, i could. [ laughter ] jimmy no. You cant but i could. [ laughter ] jimmy no, you cannot. Eh. [ laughter ] how about 6 30 . Jimmy 6 30 it is. Arthur meyer, everybody [ cheers and applause ] well do guys night jimmy thats right. [ applause ] and of course, the big movie at the box office this weekend was the lego batman movie. Which actually beat fifty shades darker, and fifty shades loved it. We have a great show tonight give it up for the roots, right there [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy guys, thank you for being here. We have a great show tonight. One of the greatest players in nba history. Magic johnson is here tonight [ cheers and applause ] the one and only. Steve come on jimmy the one and only plus, from the new animated movie rock dog, luke wilson is on the show steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy magic and i are teaming up against luke and tariq from the roots in a game calmed roomba pong. Steve ooh. Jimmy thats going to be fun, tonight. And we have great, great standup from comedian roy wood jr. There he is right there. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i just met that baby. Its the cutest baby in the world. I just met the baby backstage. Steve aw. Jimmy yeah. I saw roy last night. I saw him do a set at the stand here in new york over on third avenue. Great comedy club. And he just destroyed. So you guys are in for a treat. Its going to be fantastic tonight. Guys, as you know, we always like to showcase new talent here on the tonight show. Theres so much of it right here in new york city. Right here in this audience. So we sent our [ cheers and applause ] we sent our writer becky down to the streets to find the most talented people. So now its time for tonight show sidewalk of fame. Here he go. [ cheers and applause ] tonight show sidewalk of fame jimmy as i said, beckys down live on the plaza outside 30 rock right now. [ cheers ] and were going to have people perform their talents, and then have you, the audience, decide whos the winner. Yeah. Hey [ cheers and applause ] hey, becky, hows it going . [ cheers and applause ] its going great, jimmy jimmy yeah, great to hear. Hows the weather down there . Its chilly. Id say it feels like 36 degrees. [ laughter ] jimmy thats very specific. Did you becky, youre probably right. Becky, do you did you find any talented people out on the street . Yes, i did. Jimmy okay, great. Yeah, who is [ laughter ] yeah. Really helping me out here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, whos up first . Lets start it off here. This is jaken from rochester, new york. Jimmy jaken, okay great, dude. [ cheers and applause ] jaken from rochester. Jaken, what is your talent . So, i can make a trumpet impression with my mouth. Jimmy you can so you make a trumpet noise with his mouth . Mmhmm. [ laughter ] jimmy higgins. Sorry. Okay. Whenever youre ready, id like to hear it. So im going to do justin bieber, sorry. Jimmy okay. [ trumpet impression ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much. Thank you for thank you for coming on the show. [ laughter ] thank you, buddy. [ laughter and applause ] becky becky who do we have next . [ laughter ] this is brittany from pittsburgh, pennsylvania. Jimmy hey [ cheers and applause ] what i love about this city. Its all sorts of people. Pittsburgh, pennsylvania i love pittsburgh, primanti brother sandwiches. Primanti brothers, yeah. Jimmy now. Its great. Jimmy yeah it is. What is your talent . So i can say all my 50 states in about 16 seconds. Jimmy you can say all 50 states in 16 seconds . Uhhuh. Jimmy this is good. I like this. And youre gonna time yourself . Oh, yeah. Jimmy okay, great. Great. Jimmy i love this. Lets see this. Okay, ready . Alabama, alaska, arizona, arkansas, california, colorado, connecticut, delaware, florida, georgia, hawaii, idaho, illinois, indiana, iowa, kansas, kentucky, louisiana, maine, maryland, massachusetts, michigan, minnesota, mississippi, missouri, montana, nebraska, nevada, new hampshire, new jersey, new mexico, new york, north carolina, north dakota, ohio, oklahoma, oregon, pennsylvania, rhode island, south carolina, south dakota, tennessee, texas, utah, vermont, virginia, washington, west virgina, wisconsin, wyoming. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey steve whoa jimmy that is impressive steve wow that was micro machines good. Jimmy that was impressive. Ho did you find out you had that talent . Well, when i was in Elementary School they taught us the state song. You know alabama alaska arizona arkansas and so we used to have competitions to say who could say it the fastest. And ive always been a fast talker so here i am. Jimmy hey, very well down. That was good stuff. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey becky that was good. Becky, how about you . Do you have any talents besides hosting . I do. I can do a scarf dance. [ laughter ] jimmy whos our last contestant we have, becky . Steve oh [ laughter ] our last contestant, this is danielle, ariel and morelle. They are Three Sisters from cleveland, ohio. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, hey steve three jimmy welcome, guys guys, what is your talent . All we can sing with our mouths closed. Jimmy ooh, interesting. Yeah. Jimmy now, id like to see this. Lets do this is perfect. Lets see it. All right. Jimmy whenever youre ready. Ready, set, go you are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are gray jimmy yeah. Youll never know dear how much i love you so please dont take my sunshine away [ laughter and applause ] jimmy that was fantastic [ cheers and applause ] thats fantastic. Thats great. Becky can we line up all the talented contestants . [ cheers and applause ] they were great before we decide the winner, becky, the audience here really wants to see your scarf dance. [ cheers and applause ] ooh, ooh, yeah. Oh, yeah jimmy all right. All right. Very good. Now, then [ laughter ] that was it . Steve that was the scarf dance . Jimmy now, the audience will decide the winner by round of applause. Was it contestant number one . [ cheers and applause ] all right, good. Was it contestant number two . [ cheers and applause ] or was it contestant number three . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy the winner is contestant number two. That is our winner becky becky, what prize do we have for them . Our winner gets a tonight show hoodie and 100. Jimmy hey. Not bad [ cheers and applause ] and you guys, you did not win, so you each get 50 and a a tonight show tank top. Jimmy hey, thats pretty good, too. Thank you guys for playing. Jimmy thats a cool tank top. Yeah, well get you three of those. I promise. Ill get you three of those. Thank you, becky. And how about another round of applause for our contestants. [ applause ] that was fantastic. Well be right back with Magic Johnson, everybody come back to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause ] vo maybe it was here, when you hit 300,000 miles. Or here, when you walked away without a scratch. Maybe it was the day your baby came home. Or maybe the day you realized your baby was not a baby anymore. Every subaru is built to earn your trust. Because we know what youre trusting us with. Subaru. Kelley blue books most trusted brand. And best overall brand. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Remember 2007 . Smartphones . O m g ten years later, nothings really changed. Its time to snap out of it. Hello moto. Snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. Get a 10x optical zoom. Get excited world. Hello moto. Moto is here. The moto z with moto mods. Get a moto z play droid for only 5 mo. No tradein required. The departure comes amid rerhe president mike pence abou s contacts with russia. Add the dept of Water Resources wlhe on the situation in orovle around noon. Meantime, crews are wkinovertim rocks to shore up the dangerous the next round of rain moves i [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a hugely successful entrepreneur and philanthropist, hes also an olympic gold medalist, a a 12 time allstar and five time nba champion who recently rejoined the front office of his beloved los angeles lakers. Here to tell us about that more, please welcome to the show Magic Johnson [ cheers and applause ] aw, man. Jimmy always looking sharp and looking good. Wow, thank you. Jimmy thats the one and only right there. Welcome back. I appreciate it, man. I appreciate it. Let me say jimmy yeah. I was at the white house, and the roots jimmy yeah, i heard about this party. They they turned that party out, and questlove [ cheers and applause ] questlove, djed after they played, and sang the songs and played for other artists, it was amazing. Jimmy yeah. No that everyone, yes oh, we were down, boogieing down to the floor that night. Jimmy really . You got that low . I mean, down. Jimmy you got low. Really . Real low. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] hey, hey, questlove, thats the errol flynn. Thats back in my day. Questlove i know. [ laughter ] the errol flynn. So we were doing it that night. We had fun. Jimmy you were close to the president , right . Yeah. Yeah. Jimmy hows your relationship . I loved president obama. I love president obama. Love the first lady, as well, michelle. Jimmy yeah. [ cheers and applause ] and i cochaired my brothers keeper. Jimmy thats right. Yeah. So we want to catch minority boys before the third grade. Make sure that they can read. Make sure that we give them math skills, because what happens, if its after the third grade, they cant catch up. So we want to make sure, and president obamas really behind this, and thats going to be his passion. Even out of the oval office. Hes going to continue that. Right now. Jimmy yeah. Really . Yes. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its a good thing they do. I know thast. Yeah jimmy we talked about that last time. I love it, you know, because we got to do that. Education is the key. Jimmy the key, man. Absolutely. I agree with you. But now youre doing that as well but youre back with the lakers . Yes jimmy which makes so much sense thank you. Jimmy thank you for doing that. Just makes sense. [ cheers and applause ] you have to be back. You are the lakers, man. Come on. I want to help get them back on track, you know, and when [ laughter ] dont tell nobody. Jimmy no. We got you. We know what you mean. Yeah. You know, its you know, weve been struggling here in the last four or five years. And so, jeanie buss asked me to come back. Be an adviser to her. And, you know, i love the game. I love the lakers. So, its been great. I think ive been back for the last two weeks just trying to come up with a strategy and a a plan to get us back where we belong which is on top. Jimmy i know how that i mean come on. You a pro if anyone can do it, can you do it, man, because youre magic well, i appreciate [ applause ] well, i wish i was about this was 20, 25 years ago so i could put on them little hot pants we used to wear. [ laughter ] jimmy i know. And they was tight, too. Jimmy i know. I sometimes i wondered, how did we get in those. Man [ laughter ] jimmy how did you, right . Exactly. Jimmy no, yeah. I thought it was cool look, man. Come on. Yeah, it was a cool look, back then. Jimmy back then. Yeah, you cant pull it off now. But, i mean you were a great entrepreneur. I know, the last time you were here you and questlove were talking about the different Magic JohnsonMagic Johnson fridays and then what was the reason behind this . Well, what i tried to do was, in urban america, a lot of, when you think about retailers, were not coming into our community. So you couldnt get a salad in urban america. You can get fast foods but you couldnt get healthy foods. You couldnt get healthy options. So what i tried to do was bring quality products and services to the urban consumer. So it started off with Magic Johnson theaters. And a matter of fact, we built them all over the country. Then we went to starbucks, built those all over the country. Jimmy Magic Johnson starbucks . Yes, yes. Jimmy i mean what a genius idea. Just call it Magic Johnson and you just have i didnt know you could do that. [ laughter ] Magic Johnsons chipotle [ laughter ] youre a genius it was unbelievable well well, you know, we quite dont know what scones are. So i took the scones out of my starbucks though. Jimmy smart, smart, smart, smart. Take that out the starbucks, yeah. Africanamericans, we just dont eat scones. [ light laughter ] jimmy you know, i got you. I understand. So sweet potato pie jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. Pound cake, sock it to me cakes, peach cobbler. [ laughter ] but, the reason is because, also, we didnt have Meeting Places back in that time, as well. So the starbucks, the fridays, became a Meeting Place for us to meet our friends and then, really, fridays was because, again, a lady came up to me and said, son, i cant get a salad in my own community. Would you mind investing in a a restaurant so i could get a a salad . And thats how fridays came about. Jimmy have you ever had a a bad investment . Yes. [ laughter ] jimmy mine was mine was a horse. Yours, too . Jimmy yours, too . Oh, man jimmy you got a racehorse . Yes. Jimmy yeah he tricked me. Jimmy maybe its the same dude you know what . Jimmy he tricked me, too. Some guy is like, do you want to own a racehorse . I go, yeah of course id want to Everyone Wants to own a a racehorse. He took me out there and it was running fast by itself. Jimmy yeah [ laughter ] everythings got a little yeah [ laughter ] they put him beside the other 9 horses. He ran slow. Jimmy yeah [ laughter ] he was like this, standing in the corner smoking. [ laughter ] you cant smoke a smoking horse oh, man. Jimmy do you remember the name of it . No. We came in last. [ laughter ] jimmy that might be the name of it. We came in last. I dont never want to invest in a horse again after that. Jimmy i thought i could name the horse. So i was, like, because i invested. I go, great, youre going to be sea warrior. I was going to talk to him. Youre going to win the kentucky derby. You go all the way. They go, you cant name the horse. The horse already has a name. I go, oh. Whats the horses name . Poco bueno. [ laughter ] i go, what does that mean . And he goes, a little bit good. [ laughter ] you got to be kidding me . You knew you were in trouble then. Jimmy im in trouble right there. I go, who bought who bought mucho bueno . I would have even taken bueno. Plain bueno. Guys, Magic Johnson and i are playing a fun game after the break. [ cheers and applause ] come back. Hey, man. Im just gonna wing it. You are completely and utterly. My friend. Its like. Really rare. Youre too important to lose. I could never get through this World Without you. Music piano cover of guns n roses sweet child o mine you need to eat this special. I love it start your day with crunchy wholegrain flakes. And real strawberries. Special k. Eat special. Feel special. Just woke up like this . Can you sign this please . Chorus theres a big mac® for that you rolling with the crew . You just got something new . Chorus big mac® for that solo got props . Have you mastered the drop . Two allbeef patties, special sauce, lettuce cheese, pickles onions on a sesame seed bun. 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Magic and i are a team but tariq is going to need a a partner, and we found a good one. His new animated movie rock dog is in theaters next friady. Please welcome luke wilson, everybody [ cheers and applause ] thanks for coming back. I appreciate it. Magic, how you doing, man. Good to see you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats right there. Thats it, pal. Rules are the same as beer pong. If you make a shot, the other team chugs the beer. First team to sink two cups wins. Also, magic doesnt drink, so ill be doing the drinking for our team. [ laughter ] tariq and luke, why dont you guys go first . Magic and i will be over here. All right. [ cheers and applause ] good luck. Go for it, buddy. Do you shoot atwill . Jimmy no, oh, sorry. Oh. Jimmy no, no, no. Its this one. Luke luke. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, wait [ cheers and applause ] that was good. [ drums play ] [ cheers ] jimmy wait, what now were just everyone just oh yes [ cheers and applause ] good one. [ drums play ] yes yes yes jimmy oh, wait. No. He goes oh, go. Jimmy and then we go. Okay. Go ahead. Oh, okay. Jimmy yeah. Ooh. Jimmy oh [ cheers and applause ] yes jimmy thats the game . [ drums play ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] theres the winners right there. Luke wilson, tariq trotter. Magic johnson, everybody [ cheers and applause ] we are talking to luke wilson after the break. Stick around. Come on back [ cheers and applause ] who doesnt Love Chocolate . Thick, rich chocolate. Chocolate makes you feel good hot chocolate in a cup. Java chips. Two espresso shots. Melt it down. Ooh, just thick, chocolatey goodness. Mmhmm. Once youve reached the bottom, thats the best part. Top to bottom chocolate for the chocolate lover. Uhah, this isnt normal whipped cream. Chocolate espresso whipped cream. Its all about chocolate. Oooh, look at all that chocolate. Extra chocolatey. All chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. 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[ laughter ] and he really looked over my shoulder, down the hallway. [ laughter ] jimmy that actually happened . I guess he thought that i was kidding or being ironical but, no. [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah, yeah, youre talking about magic and me, right . Yeah, us two guys. Jimmy i mean, how cool was that . We just played beer pong with Magic Johnson. Unbelievable, yeah. Jimmy are you a big basketball fan . Did you play basketball growing up . I mean, it was one of those sports i never really could totally get the hang of. [ laughter ] i mean, i played football and ran track, but i mean, i always liked to shoot baskets, like at one point i was like living with my brothers and a friend in this apartment and we played this game, tip horse to see who cleaned the apartment. And it was [ light laughter ] jimmy whats tip horse . Well, its like horse, but you could tipping is involved. So you could catch it in the air and put the rebound in. Jimmy oh, interesting. And yeah, this apartment we were living in, it wasnt like the apartment of some guys that had given up on cleaning. Its like guys that had given up on life. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, yeah, i know those places. This place was was horrible. Jimmy yeah, i guess thats true. There is no cleaning it up. And and wes anderson actually lived there too, but somehow, he he wouldnt have to play in these tip horse games, because we we would do this thing where you could say anything to the guy shooting. So hed say, you know, personal things. Jimmy oh, trash talk. Insulting things. Yeah, trash talk but even taking it, like, to another level. Like, i had this girlfriend leave me for this really handsome surfertype guy. And so like, id be taking a a shot, and it would be like, jims a hunk [ laughter ] and then you know . Youd pull the shot. Jimmy jims a hunk. Thats fantastic. You could you could bring up anything, you know. Outstanding warrants. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] whatever whatever you could do. The divorce. Jimmy divorce is fun whatever you can do to you gotta win the game. Im not cleaning it up. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, i mean, youd think that we would have all just worked together and cleaned it up in like an hour, but you know, no. Jimmy instead, yeah. Yeah, just emotional abuse. [ laughter ] jimmy thats what brothers do. Yeah. Jimmy how is the family . How is everyone doing now . Is mom good . Everybodys great. Thank you. Everyones doing good. Actually, id stopped in texas, where im from on the way here, and my my moms got a new thing where now when i go visit she tries to give me stuff to take home. [ light laughter ] so shell be like, heres some old trophies and i found some old sweaters. And heres some books. And i said, so, are you and dad moving . Like, you know, what whats going on here . Jimmy this is the way it works. This is the deal. I keep my stuff here. Shes trying to like give me my memories to take on the road. So i said, last week i said, i cant take this stuff. Like i got to go on jimmy fallon. And shes like, now, whos jimmy fallon . [ audience aws ] and now now, dont dont. I said i said you know, the tonight show. You know, Johnny Carson well, hes the the Johnny Carson now, like, she doesnt she doesnt know who [ laughter ] jimmy what . Like, i did a movie with adam sandler. She didnt know who who adam was, and she came on the set and she said, she was like, i mean, adam is just so funny [ laughter ] and i said, yeah, i mean, hes a comedy legend. Hes built, like, a comedy empire, but we we did watch you, me and my mom watched you last week, and she thought you were great. [ laughter ] really, really. Jimmy i dont know if i believe you i dont know, youre a good actor, but i dont know if i believe that one, though. [ cheers and applause ] we watched jimmy does she not does she not have a tv . No, she has a tv, but, you know jimmy is she not up this late . No, she wasnt up that late. So, we watched the the monologue. And she said hes great. Hes really charming and funny. And it was the night seth meyers was on. Jimmy oh, yeah. He was great too. I said, so these guys are great together, huh . And i looked over, and she was out. Jimmy she was sleeping. [ laughter ] or just out of the room . No, no, no. She had fallen asleep. Jimmy she just conked out. She just drifted off. Jimmy i have that effect people. Very, very, very peacefully. [ laughter ] jimmy i have that effect what is your moms name . Laura. Jimmy laura wilson [ laughter ] come back to us. Come back to the tonight show. We love you so much. Your son is doing so well, and you got to watch the show more often. [ cheers and applause ] if anyone yeah. Well, you got a new fan now. Jimmy yeah, im happy. Thats good. Yeah. Before before you spoke to her, but even even now. Now shes really going to love you. Jimmy oh, good. All right, good. I want moms should love me. Yeah, i like that. [ light laughter ] im on the moms side all the time. I got to talk about rock dog. Congrats on this. This is a good fun family movie. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy who who doesnt want to see a cartoon dog a a singing cartoon dog . Its so funny. You rocked out. And its just its great. Yeah, its its like the first time my niece and nephews have ever shown any interest in me. [ laughter ] jimmy really . You know, its like, you walk into the room, and say hey its not that theyre not excited to see you, they just have zero interest in seeing you. But now, its like, hey, whens rock dog come out . Like, can you get me a ticket . Jimmy really . Yeah. Jimmy youve never done a a family film before . I done i did this movie my dog skip which was like a a kids movie. I was, actually, at the premiere of my dog skip but when they have kids movies theyll have premieres like early on saturday mornings at like 11 00. And the my dog skip premiere was great. Tons of little kids, they were all laughing, all loved the movie, and then the movie ended and skip dies at the end. [ audience aws ] [ light laughter ] um and it was it was [ light laughter ] but it ended and it was dead silence in the theater, and i thought, what the hell is going on in here . And it was just little kids crying. [ laughter ] [ audience aws ] jimmy this is this is terrible it was like, you and i when we saw sounder. Or like old yeller. Jimmy old yeller, yeah. But at the party, they they all came roaring back. Jimmy but we should let everyone know, this that doesnt happen in this film. No. Rock dog does not die. Jimmy no, he does not. Its very very happy. [ cheers and applause ] we cant theres gonna be another rock dog. Jimmy unless there wont be rock dog 2. Yeah, exactly. No, it is actually no, its super fun and, its whos voice of the year . And they go j. K. Simmons. Jimmy j. K. Simmons, but i didnt know if it was him or was it sam sam elliotts in it. Jimmy sam elliots voice. I go, oh, my gosh. And eddie izzard. Jimmy Eddie Izzards fantastic as well. Theres good songs in it as well. We have a clip. Heres luke wilson and j. K. Simmons in the animated movie rock dog. Take a look at this. Where did you did you break into the ah. My son the thief. I i know. Im sorry. But see, theres this guy named angus, and he was telling me about rock n roll park, and finding my band, and it was like the answer of the question of my life, dad. Do you understand . Im gonna have to get a new lock. Like those things grow on trees around here. If you could feel what im feeling here give me the bodi son, give me that gimme [ crashing ] now when youve come to your senses, youre going to march down here and youre going to hand over that noisemaker and were going to pretend this never happened. Jimmy there you go, right there. [ cheers and applause ] luke wilson, everybody rock dog is in theaters february 24th. Well be right back with stand up from roy wood jr. Stick around, everybody [ cheers and applause ] hey ramirez un poquito mas rapido, no . [instrumental music playing throughout] [wheel squeaking] beautiful bike, just beautiful. Ha,ha,ha. [pumping of bike tire] [pumping of hospital ventilator] [rain falling] [wheel squeaking] Carlos Carlos dr. Brad needs to see you in room 3. [wheel squeaking] [heart monitor beeping] director what . You knowe your thats not your line, right . jon did you know that h r block will file your 1040ez for free . director ahhh. Yeah. The line is, rome. jon my jobs done here. director ok. Thank you. jon dont just get your taxes done. Get your taxes won. Lease a 2017 lincoln mkx for 369 a month. Only at your lincoln dealer. Your little sounds of crispy bacon mix drives me crazy. You naughty little smack did you just spank your lunch . Yes. Nice. Food you want to fork. Devour. Classic hersheys outside. With a new creamy, crunchy inside. New hersheys cookie layer crunch. Classic reimagined. To help provide access to cleanh water to womeng and their families in the developing world. We can be the generation remembered for ending the global water crisis once and for all. Because my teeth are yellow. These photos . Why dont you use a whitening toothpaste . Im afraid its bad for my teeth. Try crest 3d white. Crest 3d White Diamond strong toothpaste and rinse. Gently whiten. And fortify weak spots. Use together for 2 times stronger enamel. Crest 3d white. Hello moto. Its time to reimagine the smart phone. Snap on a speaker. A projector. A camera that actually zooms. Get excited world. The moto z with moto mods. Get a moto z play droid for only 5 mo. No tradein required. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my next guest is a a correspondent on the daily show and his one hour comedy special, father figure, premieres sunday february 19th on comedy central. Its available for presale now on itunes and google play. Everyone, please welcome roy wood jr. [ cheers and applause ] wow. Damn its its almost as if we know each other. I needed that. My selfesteem needed that. [ cheers ] i lost an argument with my girl over light bulbs. [ light laughter ] i didnt i didnt even know light bulbs was something you could argue about, but i lost [ laughter ] trying to decorate the house, and apparently the new thing with light bulbs, i did not know this, but now the new thing with light bulbs is you just hang a single light bulb from a string from your ceiling. Just a naked light bulb, just hanging just a hanging naked light bulb, and she was like, doesnt it look nice . It looked like poverty. Im going to be real with ya. All right . [ laughter and applause ] it like poverty. I i walk in my house, it look like the first wutang video. Thats not the look im going for. [ laughter ] not what i want. I went to college. So, i could afford lights thats attached to stuff. [ laughter ] she moved in. I lose the thermostat battles too. [ light laughter ] half the relationship is just me waiting for her to leave the room so i can change the thermostat. [ laughter ] thats it. The thermostat, she always got it on 80, and you you just go back and forth. And thats when you realize that that your parents lied to you. Your parents lied to ya. When when they told us what we need to look for in a mate, they gave us the wrong list. That list was horrible. Find someone that respects you. And who who has ambition, and watch how they treat a a waitress, because how they treat a wait no. Find you somebody you thermostatically compatible with. Thats what you need. [ cheers and applause ] put it at the top of your list. Thermostatic compatibility should be above religion. A catholic can date a a christian, but a 82 cant date a 67. [ laughter and applause ] are you crazy . [ applause ] it will never work not even with a space heater. Youre forcing it. Just let her go. She aint for you. [ laughter ] gotta let it go. I shop. I try to shop online now, because the cashiers keep asking me about these discount cards, in the store. I dont have the discount cards. Okay . Just just let me go. I want to leave. [ light laughter ] just ring up my stuff. Let me leave. I want to leave so bad, id rather pay full price. Thats how bad i want to leave. [ laughter ] but they grill you about the card. Well, do you do you have the discount card . Heres a favorite question. Why i got to have card to get a a discount . Why cant you just always give us the cheapest price . Why do i have to [ cheers and applause ] like we we shouldnt have to join the Grocery Store illuminati to get 10 off. [ laughter ] i dont need that. I appreciate the hospitality, but some people just overdo it. Some companies overdo it. I went on a cruise. Too much hospitality. [ light laughter ] i met the captain of the boat. Thats unnecessary. [ laughter ] its unnecessary. At no point during my cruise do i need to meet the highest ranking person on the vessel im at the pool, and hes walking, hes got his jacket and hes sashaying around and welcome aboard. I am the captain. Are you having pleasure . Uh, who driving right now . [ laughter and applause ] go back to the steering wheel. We in the ocean. Anything could happen. This where godzilla lives. Bro, this is crazy [ laughter ] you doing uturns in the ocean like a cruise is so weird. It makes you appreciate Airline Pilots. I have nothing but respect for Airline Pilots now, because they dont talk to you. [ light laughter ] its not their job. Its the flight attendants job to say hello. The Airline Pilot aint got time to talk to you. Hes busy, he trying to make sure he does his job properly. You look in the cockpit, you get on the plane. What you see . Two people nervous, checking buttons. Thats all you see. Thats all you see in the cockpit. Two people trying not to lose their job. [ laughter ] did you check all of the buttons . [ laughter ] because we cant leave til we check all the you got to check the buttons up here, and then we check the buttons down here. Just the starter. Ladies and gentlemen, theres going to be a delay. [ laughter ] we gotta recheck these buttons. Thank for choosing i dont need that. [ cheers and applause ] like like, i honestly dont need the captain of the flight walking down the aisle checking on me. Just fly the plane, man. We cool. I dont need you sashaying welcome aboard. We are flying. Do you see . We have wifi. Are you having pleasure . In the sky . [ laughter ] but the captain gets it right. Nobody does it better than a than a airplane captain. Because he knows its not time to say, hello, before the flight. He knows to wait til after the flight, after the job is done. Thats when he starts coming out saying, hello, because hes earned it. [ laughter ] i just flew you 500 miles an hour at 30,000 feet and landed safely on the first attempt. Hell yeah im going to come out and say hello. I want you to know who i am. [ cheers and applause ] thats thats why when you get off the plane, the captain is standing in the door like a a boss. He like, whats up . You saw that . [ laughter ] and the copilots next to him. I checked the buttons. How you doing . Thank yall so much. I appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats how you do it. Thats how you do it right there. Roy wood jr. his comedy special, father figure premieres this sunday on comedy central. Well be right back, everybody wow [ cheers and applause ] this is gus. Gus is a handful. We dont know what this thing is, but someday, gus will because this is the thing that gus will build that will change the world. And this is the thing that could change gus world. Gus doesnt know what this thing is, but we know what this thing is. This is the thing well help gus get rid of. And without this thing, gus can grow up to build this thing, whatever that thing is, because thats what we do. We do health things, and we do those things for northern california, birthplace of pioneers. And we do those things [ alarm weather. Eping ]a, [ laughter ] cartoons. Wait for it. [ cat screech ] [ laughter ] [ screaming ] [ laughter ] make everyday awesome with the power of xfinity x1. Hi grandma and the fastest internet. [ girl screaming ] [ laughter ] you feel every mountain weve ever conquered. In our sports cars, you feel every podium weve ever climbed. And now, theyve come together to create something youve never felt before. Introducing the glc coupe. Part suv. Part sports car. All mercedesbenz. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to Magic Johnson. Luke wilson, roy wood jr. and the roots, right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for late night with seth meyers thank you for watching. Have a great night. I hope to see you tomorrow. Byebye, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight john oliver. From hbos girls, zosia mamet. Featuring the 8g band with brann dailor. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late night. How is everybody doing tonight . [cheers and applause] fantastic. Fantastic to hear. In that case, lets get to the news. The Grammy Awards were last night, which is pretty embarrassing for ceelo green, who showed up dressed as an oscar. [ light laughter ]