And now its time for the late show with Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen whats going on . Its purple night. Hey, everybody. Thank you so much. Yeah. Very nice. Welcome to the the show, everybody. Thank you so much. Welcome welcome, everybody cheers and applause feels good. Thats very nice. You guys feel good . Welcome. Thank you so much. Well, that is that is you know what you call that . You know what you call that . You know what you call those people . That is a friday night audience right there. cheers and applause no doubt about it. Jon yeah stephen yeah. Which is definitely is. This is definitely friday and ill prove it because look right here. Ive got thursdays paper. And i bought it yesterday. You do the math, okay. Hey, have you seen this, speaking of headlines. Burger king unveiled a new menu item. Its called mac n cheetos. And its mac and cheese covered in cheeto dust and deep fried. applause yeah. I would give anything for that not to sound fantastic to me. Because its good. The fry at the end there gets you. That fry just pulls you in at the last minute. This. Food . Is the result of such advanced scientific engineering, that if you listen carefully you can hear individual macaronis whispering kill me. But remember, the mac n cheetos are available for a limited time only. And if you eat them, so are you. laughter applause theyll last forever. Theyll be here. A single serving of that will be here long after were all gone. Speaking of things that last forever, theres big news in archaeology. Researchers have just found that the Great Pyramid of giza is slightly lopsided, with the west side measuring about 5. 5 inches longer than the east. Now, for thousands of years, we have marveled at the ability of ancient people to build an incredible monument with such precision. So i just want to say. In your face, ancient egypt your socalled Great Pyramid is 61 onethousandths of 1 off from being perfect. I guess its true what they say about ancient hebrew slave labor you get what you pay for sorry, no. Shoddy workman ship. Meanwhile, here in new york, its pride weekend. applause thats the pride. Thats the pride. It kicked off tonight with a huge rally, which according to the website, featured a performance by bob the drag queen. applause some fans here. Im so glad bob the builder is finally living his truth. Bob the drag queen. Can can we work it . Of course, the main event is the pride parade. Its a special day where the l. G. B. T. Q. Community takes to the streets to show the doubters that they can snarl traffic just as well as straight people. Speaking of new york, id like to take a moment to salute a local hero, a queens resident, named Nelson Hidalgo. Last saturday, hidalgo was arrested for a disturbance. And not the kind you usually hear about in queens a pigeon fighting an old lady over a calzone. Im sorry that should have been a pigeon fighting over a calzone with an old lady. Jon reverse reverse reverse its friday. No, Nelson Hidalgo was arrested for blasting music from his van, which has 80 speakers in it. Which explains the bumper sticker, if this vans arockin, dont come aknockin. Because no one will be able to hear you over the speakers. Now, hidalgo cranked it up and ripped off the knob or the knob just rattled off from all thevibrations, because police were bombarded by noise complaints including one that came from the bullpen at citi field where the mets were taking on the braves. The coach was even overheard saying, whos on first . No, really, who . I cant hear you over this damn music even more impressive, when hidalgo was arrested, he was sitting in the passenger seat with a coors light. cheers and applause what seems to be the problem officer buzzkill . Is there some sort of law against having a good time . There is . Its called an open container law . Ill drink to that. laughter then put that down over there. Then he told the arresting officer, i know its illegal, but its the weekend. cheers and applause thats nice. You know, the weekend. When they let all the prisoners out of jail and say, see you monday now, i really would have met hidalgo in person. And i used all of the cbs resources at my disposal to try and get Nelson Hidalgo on the show tonight, and im not kidding. We cannot locate the guy. We even tried stepping outside and listening. Nothing. So let me address him directly right over the television. Nelson, dont let johnny law push you around, my friend. Because no matter how many speakers are on your party van, youre still not the loudest person from queens. cheers and applause yeah hey now, say hello to our friend jon batiste and stay human, everybody. cheers and applause stephen before we go any further, there is something i need to address. Like most shows we here at the late show use closed captioning. Its a great way to help our hearing impaired viewers, viewers at the gym, or anyone who has to watch the show on mute because my voice is too damn seductive. Come with me to the chamber of pleasure. cheers and applause lets go down. And, apparently, there was a slight mistake in the closed captioning during my interview with our friend Michael Ian Black last week. He had just bought a hot tub and i was asking him about it. Stephen the other big news on you, and tell me if this is true, you bough a hot tub. Hell, yeah, i bought a hot tub stephen okay, seems like a simple conversation, no problem there. But this is what cbs broadcast on closed caption. laughter applause this is problamatic for so many reasons. I mean, for one, hot Harriet Tubman . Thats laughter applause thats redundant. Lets go down. laughter but id like to assure everyone on Michael Ian Blacks behalf that he did not purchase a hot Harriet Tubman. And also as it was captioned later he does not spend most of his time in the hot Harriet Tubman. laughter applause by the way. Not true. Its not true of he didnt say it. It was closed captioned. By the way, im officially turning down michaels invitation to join him in his hot Harriet Tubman. Im flattered. Its just not my scene. So, now that thats all fixed, i would like to apologize to my hearing impaired viewers. Im sorry that the closed captions during my interview with Michael Ian Black were mistranscribed. I also want to apologize to Harriet Tubman, who helped free over 300 people, truly a great emancipator. And i hope we can put this unfortunate incident behind us. Now, stick around, weve got kevin hart after the break. Well be right back. The Bud Light Party believes in change. Thats why bud light has a new look. And we want to share it with everyone. Jackpot still the same refreshing bud light. With a new look. They call you short stack. Half pint. Lil bit. Small fry. Nobody even knows your name. But thats about to change. Time to shine. Orbit. Never underestimate the power of energizer. Our longest lasting energizer max ever. What if we woke up one day and everything just stopped going wrong . No more accidents. No more fires. No more emergencies. No more bad anything. But in a world where things stopped going wrong, where would state farm be . Right here. To help with college. Here. For that first car. And here. For new beginnings. Because in a world where nothing went wrong, your state farm agent will still be right here. Helping make life go completely right. rustling sound effects, did we put away all the food . Define all. Ahhhhhhhhh cheetos crunching such majestic creatures. What knee pain . . What sore elbow . Advil liquigels make pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Advil. applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My next guest is a little guy but one of the greatest guys in the world. His latest project is the secret life of pets. You idiot. Did they all get away . That was a close one oh, nuts yes we got one oh, good for you guys. Yay oh, yes, tiny dog. We got your friend. Advantage me. Haha uhoh. Just ignore what just happened. Okay . Ahaha. Yes stephen please welcome, kevin hart applause hello hello hello its amazing, isnt it . Good for you. Stephen people very excited about kevin hart. Oh, stop it stop that stephen wait a second. Thats an amazing response, but you must be used to that pause youre one of the few comedians in the world, you sell out huge arenas. Like the o2 arena in london, Madison Square garden. And whats the big arena in philly . Lincoln financial where youre from. We did 53,000 people. Im what do you call it, a big deal. Yeah. cheers and applause . Stephen thats nice. How do you play how do you play a joke to 53,000 people . How do you, like, hold a room like that, man . Well, i think i pride myself on making those rooms intimate rooms. Im a storyteller, so when you tell a story the beauty of doing it with an amazing audience is captivating the the audience with every word until the punchline comes. I paint pictures but theyre realistic pictures. At the end of the day, i put myself in your shoes and you can see yourself in my stories because my stories are relatable. I dont separate myself. Thats why i love you people. Stephen its good to know why people love you. I wouldnt want it to be a mystery. No, you have to make sure you never lose sight of reality, and regardless of any success that you have you have to maintain that connection with the fans. Stephen you really think you can hold on to reality . Youre so huge. You hit 30 Million People on twitter today. I did everybody danced around the world. I tweeted, dance. I just hit 30 million. I want everybody to dance. And i really believe everybody danced. Stephen all right, all right. You have two movies out right now at the same time. You have the secret life of pets. Youve got Central Intelligence with dwayne johnson. Yes, thank you, thank you, man. Stephen secret life of pets you play a militant white bunny. Stephen white bunny. Okay. I do not think of you as a militant white bunny. First of all, i took it because i wanted to play somebody white. laughter applause you know, i jumped at the opportunity. Stephen uhhuh. I said im not going to get this opportunity a lot. I said ill take it. Its a bunny. It dont matter. Hes white. I want to do it. When they told me hes militant, the whole thing with the bunny is he is starting a revolution. This guy is in charge of taking this group of pets and turning them against humans. And i was like, thats me. I do that all the time. I brought my characteristic traits to the bunny. And they loved it. They allowed me to improv and play around as much as possible. It came out good. Stephen do you have pets of your own . I do have pets. I have two dogs. Stephen do you think when youre not around theyre doing the kinds of things these animals are doing . 100 . I have a doberman pincher. And a minpin. Stephen oh, minipincher. I did it as a joke. I bought it as a joke. When people come to my house, look at the big doberman hes got a little one, too stephen do people do that . No. Nobody has done it, and it has pissed me off. Its made me feel like the little one of a waste of money. Nobody gets it. Youre there for a punchline. Thats the only reason youre there is to be a punchline. Stephen i hope that dog is not watching right now. It would be really depressing to find out you were just there for a punchline. That dog cooked potato salad one day, i know he did. Listen, i dont know how to make potato salad, and my lady cant cook. I came home, potato salad was on the table. Who cooked the potato salad . Had to be the dog. Stephen thats logical. 100 pure logic. I love dogs. I have become a dog guy. My fiance is aing to lover. I was against pets. I was against bleep that could mess my house up. Stephen how did she turn you into a dog person . Women do man. They make you do what you dont want to do. Thats what women do. Thats a talent women have. They beat you down. I dont know how she did it. I think she asked me for two years straight. And one day i might have been drunk and i was like, all right. And the next thing i know, we get these dogs. And now the dogs sleep in the bed. I have no sayso. My doberman, i woke up, this dogs respect level is so low. Her face is on my face. And i was like, what are you doing . And shes going growling . Stephen youre talking about the dogs still, right . You crossed over between making you do things you dont want to do. My lady lets it happen. I dont even have control over my bed anymore. I come there, and the dogs are it in the bed. I have to find a position to sleep in. Inspectorly the dog is in the bed and he looks at the comfort spot. And im like thats me. Excuse me i dont want to wake anybody up. Stephen do you mind if i sleep at the bottom. I take this nook version of the bed thaty left for me. I dont explain about it. Stephen i dont know how you have time to be here. Youre writing a memoir that comes out in 2017, next year. Im going to be honest with you. I dont even know what day it is. Right now, im sleeping. This is how i sleep. It stephen its friday, itsed from. Its friday here but i have to be someplace else tomorrow. I dont know what day it will be there. I have to be out of the country. Honestly, im working a lot, man. I love the load that i have. You know, it is a lot, and i put a lot on my plate but at the end of the day god doesnt give you anything you cant handle. And im a Firm Believer that i can not only handle these things but im doing it at the highest of my potential. Im not only handling it but im in love with it. Im in love with my craft. Im in love with the fact that im succeeding. Stephen thats fantastic. Im happy, im happy. Stephen thats a great feeling. Thats an amazing feeling. Stephen you can hang on and well talk a little bit more. What if i said no. Stephen we could come back and i would weep into the camera for a few minutes. In that case i can hang on. Stephen well be right back with more kevin hart. The new ford escape. Life is a sport. We are the utility. Be unstoppable. See, we can agree. Reat. Out what . That was in finally, something the whole family can agree on. Oscar mayer deli fresh ham made with pure honey for a taste everyone will love. And youre talking to your doctor about your medication. This is humira. This is humira helping to relieve my pain and protect my joints from further damage. This is humira helping me go further. Humira works for many adults. It targets and helps to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to ra symptoms. Doctors have been prescribing humira for over 13 years. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Ready for a new chapter . Talk to your rheumatologist. This is humira at work. Squuuuack, lets feed him lets feto the sharks sharks yay and take all of his gold and take all of his gold ya and hide it from the crew ya. . Squuuuack, theyre all morons anyway i never said that. They all smell bad too. No you all smell wonderful i smell bad if youre a parrot, you repeat things. Its what you do. If you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. Its what you do. Squuuuack, its what you do. Our friend kevin hart. Kevin, as we were saying before the break, 2016 has been big for you. Yes. Stephen do you four huge movies just this year. Even know what youre here promoting right now . I have a pretty good idea. Stephen its a kevin hart project. I know im in it. The toughest thing when going to the movies is making a choice of which movie of myself that i want to watch. Thats the toughest thing, but i go to the movies and im like i want to see me but which version of me . Do i want to me as the white guy . Thats the bunny. Or the Central Intelligence . And sometimes i see both, repeating myself over and over again. Stephen well, i want to make sure that next year is just as were going to try to lock down your schedule for 2017. I like it. Right here, right now. Stephen this is the the the late show maybe coming soon. I like it. Stephen you want to be clear they have a series of projects id like to pitch to you right now. That i think would be great are you. They dont exist yet but we already made the poster for the movie because they say when you think of the movie, think of the poster first. It has to be visual. Stephen heres the first one so hollywood, i hope youre listening because kevin hart is attached so, hollywood, i hope youre to these projects. Its called ultrasound tag line is nap time is over. You play a rock n roll baby. Tell me whats exciting you about this project. First of all, the fact that im Strong Enough to hold a guitar at that age. Thats exciting. Another thing, im big on being a sex symbol, as a baby, exposing your chest and having females following you. Stephen leaves very little to the imagination here. Youre a child prodigy, it turns out in this movie, who is actually already playing the guitar in the womb. Wow. Stephen thats the opening scene and an extremely painful birth. This ones gold. Stephen youre on board. Im on board with that. Stephen this next one is exciting. Its slightly more dramatic. Youre going to play the lead in a new period epic eye hope, if we can get this going its called do dog titanic, this e with dogs. Youre playing the leo part, and its mutts who fall in love with pure breds in first class. Why do i look like im scared bleep of the dogs . Stephen because there is no place to take them for a walk. Theyre all down in steerage. I like that. Stephen you like this one . I want more. Stephen its got a happy ending . Whats the happy end displg they just pee on the iceberg and it melts. I like it. Stephen this one im particularly excited about. This one is called kevins heart. Its the heart wants what it wants. Its about a man whose heart leaves it because hes gotten too many broken hearts, and then he chases the heart for the rest of the movie until he finds out at the end that his heart was in his chest all the time. Wait a minute, so this is a drama. Stephen oh, yeah, this is a relationship movie. First of all, this is the demographic im looking for. Any movie that i can do to show what im like without a is a strong movie to me. My question is when my heart leaves my body and i find out that my heart is almost like a little person, does that affect me, knowing i was an alien this whole time, or am i okay with this . Thats the thing with my character. Where do i go from here . Because im heartless. Which means this is a villain side to this and i get to bleep people up at some point in time. Stephen this is why this is a perfect project for you. This is where i go, man. Stephen this is where you get to use yug acting chops. Its called the embers of autumn. And look at the chemistry. Look at the chemistry between the two of you. You know what . Being that im engaged any time you get to work with a beautiful woman thats called legal cheating so ill take it. Ill take it right there. Stephen that is actually thats the sequel to embers of autumn. Legal cheating. This time embers of autumn, two, legal cheating. This time they do it. And it this one im very excited about. This is and you me together. I hope we can do a project together because im such a fan. This is and i dont have to tell you, you and i already know what this one is about. Its in the title. Look at the tattoos. Its a heart. Stephen one says best, and the other one says friends. Because we were separated as children. We were best friends as kids growing up next to each other, put we got separated and sent to different countries. Each became secret agents, disguised as teachers in our local communities, who meet when were sent to the world cup and she we realize weve always known each other. laughter so youre on board. Youre in. Youre in. I love it. I love it. Jon and the tag lines the best friendship is their only gooooal. Kevin, im so excited were going to be doing these together. Youre hurting me stephen the secret life of pets is in theaters friday, july 8. Kevin hart, everybody well be right back with taylor schilling. Speed data. To stream more video. And more music. More whatever you want all on americas largest and most dependable 4g lte networks. Choose from two great plans our unlimited plan with 5gb of highspeed data. Or double your data for just 10 bucks more. Find out more at straighttalkswitch. Com officials are reporting, this new doritos mix is responsible for the worldwide bold outbreak. Woo hoo over you to you tom things have gone totally around the bend. Has the world gone completely bold . New doritos mix. Four snacks in one. Which saves money. Owners insurance a smarter way, they offer a diy home inspection, which you do yourself, which saves money. They offer a single deductible, so you dont pay twice when Something Like this happens, which saves money. They make it easy to bundle home and auto, which reduces red tape, which saves money. And they offer claim forgiveness, so if you make a claim, you could save money. Esurance was born online and built to save. And when they save, you save. Thats home and Auto Insurance for the modern world. Esurance, an allstate company. Click or call. Wheall i can think abouthit, is getting relief. Only nicorette mini has a patented fastdissolving formula. It starts to relieve sudden cravings fast. I never know when ill need relief. Thats why i only choose nicorette mini. You can get a lot more for your money with applebees twofor20 deal. Choose two entrees and an appetizer, all for just twenty bucks. 2 for 20 all day, every day, only at applebees. applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Welcome back. My next guest tonight my next guest is americas favorite uppermiddleclass white prison inmate in orange is the new black. Please welcome taylor schilling. applause hello. Stephen thank you. Sometimes hello again. Its so nice to be here. Stephen im never not going to hold the hand of a pretty woman. I never know whether to help the ladies up the stairs sometimes. I actually needed a second to think if i needed help or not, and i looked down and thought im going to hold his hand. Stephen yeah, yeah. I was thinking that before i saw the shoes. I was thinking that from back out there. I thought we were going to do the interview from the alleyway. Stephen that would be fun. From a distance. I could just shout the questions from back there. A Certain Energy and freshness. A Certain Energy and freshness. It does have a certain freshness. It would be a nice angle, a nice angle. Stephen exactly. Did you see the interview when they were shouting last night . Congratulations on the new season of orange is the new black. cheers and applause youre so nice. Stephen like, this show is like, this show is like a cultural milestone in many ways, not only the content, not only its successful, but also because this is the show, like, that started all the Binge Watching. It did start all the Binge Watching. And what i think is so funny hearing about Binge Watching is when i started this show, i thought i wasnt sure if it was, like, a web series. Thats what we were kind of like on nobody had and idea what it was. Stephen it kind of is. It kind of is a web series, because its only internet stephen they said, hey, its not going to be on tv. Youre going to do it on the internet. Stephen its like local theater but more people see it. When we first did it in the first round, you do Media Training when you start when you watch something and people tell you sort of what to say really . I dont usually listen. Stephen you dont listen to the media trainers. I dont listen to them very much. But what they were telling us is not to use the word binge. Stephen they anticipatede no, that was absolutely inappropriate, and totally verboten. What youre supposed to say is the show is dropping. Now its a part of the lexicon that were all binging on tv. Stephen sure. Initially when i was waking a web series laughter black box for more people. We werent allowed to use that word. Stephen wow. And now youre using it. Stephen everybody uses the word. Even things on broadcast, you let them stack up and binge them at the end of the week. There was one party where netflix gave out tupperware so people could take more food home and binge on food while they were binging on tv. They really switched. They did a 180. Stephen why shouldnt why shouldnt we consume everything the way we do food . Exactly. Stephen have you seen the fried macaroni and cheese at burger king. You were talking about mac and cheese earlier. Stephen i would eat that in a minute. Would you all of it . Stephen maybe last meal. Hey, have you actually because you play a prisoner, have you gone to prison to see what the the experience is like. Because its opened the eyes for a lot of people of what a prison experience is like, especially for women. It absolutely has. Stephen have you done whatever the equivalent of a ridealong is for a prison . I have. Before the Second Season of the show, i spent some time at rikers stephen thats a prison. Ands it. Piper chapman is based on piper kerrman, was really instrumental in teaching me about the the prison system and teaching me about her experience. What that sort of moved from is being in the prison, spending time with the womens prison association, the w. P. A. , that piper is on the board of. And they do incredible work. Stephen would you want to hang out with your character . Is she the sort of person you would want to spend time with . Would i want to hang out with piper . Audience yeah i think piper eye would. The thing, i think piper has a hard time hang will out with herself, you know what i mean . Stephen yeah. Is she getting any better with herself this season . She has a lot of work to do, you know. I think she has a lot of work to do before she wants to she wants to hang out with anybody. Stephen season 4 is available for download right now. You can stream it right now. As soon as you want. Stephen ill do it right now. And eat some food while youre watching. You know what i mean . Binge stephen congratulations on season four. Thank you. Stephen it was really lovely to meet you. It was nice to meet you, too. Stephen orange is the new black is streaming now. Taylor schilling, everybody. Well be back with rupaul charles. Recently weve noticed some ads created by these two birds, inviting you to stay away from the streak free shine of windex. Well dear windex users these ads are false. Sfx squeaks from Window Cleaning clean glass is better than dirty glass. Dont stand for dirty. Use windex. And theyre off should we tell them there are more . Theyll figure it out, eventually. Only tmobile lets your family stream all the video and music you want from your favorite services freewithout using one bit of your lte data. Plus, you can roll your unused data forward. And right now, get a free line for your family. When you get 3 lines for 40 bucks each, the fourth line is free. Switch today. Thats why bud light has aes new look. And we want to share it with everyone. Jackpot still the same refreshing bud light. With a new look. Not yet, im. Folding the laundry can you . No. Cleaning the windows the living rooms a disaster vo most Insurance Companies give you every reason to avoid them. Plants need planting well the leaves arent going to rake themselves vo nationwide is different. Hon, did you call nationwide to check on our claim . vo we put members first. Actually, they called me. Nationwide is on your side nationwide is the exclusive Insurance Partner of plenti. Never underestimate the power of energizer. Our longest lasting energizer max ever. Do you really know what it means . No. The answer is no. Because its complicated and sciencey. But with my nutrition mixes, you dont have to worry about the science. You can just put it in your pie hole. Planters. Nutrition starts with nut. Nice to meet you today were going to talk about the allnew 2016 chevy cruze, but heres the catch. Youre only going to answer me in emojis. So, this cruze has builtin 4g lte wifi® with 24 gigs of data. Wow. message sent sfx strong it also comes with 24 months of siriusxm satellite radio. message sent sfx like, word, chevy. Thats the way to go. Pick the one emoji that sums up the car. A crystal ball. I can see the future. That was deep. Are applause . Stephen hey, everybody. My next guest is an actor, drag queen, model, author, and recording artist. Please welcome rupaul charles. applause Stephen Lovely to meet you. Thank you so much for being here. Come on up. applause youre playing im coming out. I love it. Jon yeah stephen well, thank you for being here. Its a great, great honor to meet you. I love you. Stephen i love you, too. Listen i dont need any coffee with that suit on. You got me wide weak right now. This old thing. I was going to throw this away before you called, and i thought Stephen Colbert, yes. Stephen solar flare plaid. Yes stephen let me show the people right here for people who may be surprised to see you not at your most fabulous right now. Look at that beautiful applause right there. Thats extraordinary. Now, ive got a question to ask you. When i introduced you, i said among your other things youre known for i said drag queen. Can i as a white, straight male who lives in the suburbs and drives his volvo to pick up his khakis from the dry cleaner, is that okay for me to call you a drag queen . It is okay. You can call me you can call me reegeis and kathie lee. I dont care. Honestly. Stephen i just want to make sure. Im not that kind of a queen. The thing about drag queens is drag queens dont take life too seriously. The idea you can tall me anything. Its just a name. But you said you said drag queen. Im not just drag queen. I am the drag queen. cheers and applause number one. Stephen all right. Its true its true, though, you know stephen well, thank you for being here, your majesty. How did you as i was saying before, this is pride week. This is gay pride weekend. The pride parade is this weekend. What was your experience like when you were younger . How did you come out to your family . Do you mind sharing that story with us . I never came out. I was never in. There was no way for me to be in, you know what i mean . I was always ru. Stephen is that your real name rupaul . That is my real name. My mother was from louisiana. Rue is how the base. She wanted to pay homage to her background, her heritage. Its my real name. I always tell kids, any young kid, change your name, because dont want your real name on public records. So if youre starting in show business, change your name because youre sitting at the gynecologists office and all of a sudden, you know, they call your name out, and everybody goes, shes up here getting her bleep cleaned. You know, rupaul . Rupaul laughter applause what did i say . What did i Say Something did i Say Something wrong . Stephen not at all. Not at all. Not at all. Noin the least. Not in the least. So change your name. Change your name. Stephen so is it a mistake for me to be Stephen Colbert . Does your gynecologist know . Stephen i do not go nearly enough, my friend. I can ill show you. I took a stab at drag once. Tell me how i did. Tell me how i did. S this is me right there. What do we think . What do we think . Look at all that ass stephen yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I it will is by the pound, my friend, by the pound. You know, you look like selma blair in that picture. Stephen what . Gorgeous. Stephen thats quite a compliment. Do you see selma blair in that picture. Stephen i totally see selma blair in that picture. I can tell you a quick story about this. I had this photo and my brother jay showed this to my brother tome. And he goes, tommy, check this out. And my brother tommy goes, how do we know her . How do we know her . And my brother jay points at me, and tommy looks at this and looks at me and goes, all right, how does stephen know her . I was quite complimented. I do pass muster. What is her name . Does she have a drag name . Stephen paul would know. Was it raven . Thats a good name. Shes gorgeous. How differently did it make you feel it made me feel beautiful. I think everybody should do drag. Honestly. Everybody its not just because im, you know, for the you know, sort of twisted reasons. Its an important its important to know your ying from your yang. Stephen and occasionally have your ying cleaned out. cheers and applause its him. Not me. I think i got that right. You can tell me about this young man. Tell me about this young man right here. This is you at what age . 19. I was 19 here. Just starting out my career. And, you know, i wanted to do it took ano y hdood time here in new york, you know, sleeping in the you know, in the central park under the piers and, you know, trying to makeoengrk. 11. N drag, its crazy. Its so much paint. Its an Intricate System of pulleys and weights. Theres so much going on things are strapped in, singed in. Its like nassau. Its crazy. When you were raven, did you tuck . Stephen i tucked. I taped. I squeezed. I had three different pairs of pant on, one for shaping, and two more for smoothing. Yes. Now, was that all of your own butt or were you padded . Stephen baby, i bring it. Okay. applause stephen do you have any plans for pride weekend coming up . You know, pride is for young people who are just coming into the life and just understanding what it is to be themselves. I have lived pride for the past 55 years. cheers and applause so i dont you know, i live pride every single day. I go out and i love myself. I make sure that i am lovin rue, im lovin rue 24 7. Stephen thank you for being here, your majesty. Rupaul hosts skin wars fresh paint, wednesdays on gsn. Rupaul charles, everybody as proud as he can be. Well be right back,,,,,,, stephen thats it for the late show. Have a great weekend. See you at the pride parade. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org reggie are you ready to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout your hangups and fears bout to set you right its the late, late show ladies and gentlemen, all the