Colbert cheers and applause captioning sponsored by cbs welcome to the late show, everybody whats up, daddyo . Y live people. Welcome to the late show, everybody. Welcome to the late show. Thanks s much. At, thanks for noticiready to get in a little little bit ofouble . cheers and applause dont know what that means, but im ready, too. August is a notoriously slow news month, and it can be hard for me to find stuo lk abt. Hidghter i ju want to e to him f occasion with this truly rock solid story boner. laughter ran out. I ran out. I ran out. Today, there are new reports of sextmessages from the disgraced former congressman turned disgraced former mayoral candidate. And this, just a couple weeks afsage own physique as deceptively strong. Like a mongoose. laughter though i will point out that mongooses are much better at wrangling an outofcontrol snake. laughter thats the universal symbol for mongoose. laughter and, of course, there are pictures. Im not going to show them, so if you want to know what they look like, put a cucumber under a li with this happening again, my heart goes out to weiners wife and hillar you know what theyame on you. Fool me thre laughter eents until after the election laughter and earlier today, ms. A and her husband will separate. audience reacts thats right, shes finally cutting off the weiner. laughter piano riff stephen thank you very much. I have been witing for years to laughter ment, she saysfor our privacy. In just on this show twoeeks then, did he . Eight yearsstand corrected. laughter a okay, thank you very much. Heres what i dont i dont think these women are having affairs with him, so why is he doing it . Has no one told him about the existence of porn . Congressman wiener, its everywhere yong next to your penis. Maybe wiener likes the danger. He likes the danger of doing this. So, anthony, just look at porn while jumping off a cliff. You know whos got to be thrilled about the latest weiner scandal . 49ers quarterback colin kapernick, who, on friday, refused to stand for thehem. Its a shocker. Something interesting happened during a preseason game. laughter after the game, kapernick explained, i am not goid up to sh lor. Wow. No matter how you feel about his actions, you have to admit that this took guts. I think football fans tend to be pretty patriotic. Though, obviously, they all hate the laughter cheers and applause of course, kapernicks getting some blowback from his fellow players new york giants lineman Just National anthem tonight, and disrespec yes, that they must be respectful. What do we want . Racial justice. When do we want it . Later, the games on. Ter the earliest k secondstr dream speech until m. L. K. Won that slamdunk contest. That. It. He can do it. laughter opened this weekend. Its the story of barack and Michelle Obamas first date in chicago in 1989. No spoilers. laughter the reviews have been pretty good. Its got a 92 on rotten tomatoes. It appeals to everyone. Democrats like it because its about obama. And republicans like it because its about a time when obama wasnt presia. an2 laughter a president ial first date movie seems like a winning formula. They should do this for all president s. Id love to see andrew and trail of smiles, laughter a movie about their first date when they went to a hanging and both laughed at the same parts. Or what about abraham and mary title, course. T title was lincolns beard. laughter thats why they changed it. Why inanor , fdr u up . laughter which tells the romantic story ofowhe laughter look it up. Look it up. piano riff then laugh laughter footnotes he of course the big news is last night, mtv held their annual they i beli award to any last night featured many asses from beyonce, to rihanna to nicki minaj to kanye. Kanye unveiled his new video fade featuring singer and actor Teyana Taylor sweatily dancing around a gym. Check that out. Wow. I really hope she knows its polite to wipe that equipment down before the next person uses it. R te. 7gr four me image of a naked teyana in prosthetic cat face surrounded to see the whole video, you have to have a tidal subscription or eat peyote and fall asleep watching thundercats. laugh but there was one glaring absence at last nights v. M. A. s. Attend because she was in nashville serving jury duty. Someone even tweeted photos of it. This is good for her do, but it would have been so easy for her to glor swift, and they send me home. lauter say hlo tjo human, stephen hey cheers and applause llo. You know theres been a lot of talk of health on the campaign trail recently, with trump people saying that Hillary Clinton has a secret illness. And they may have a point. If she wasnt sick, why is she calling for universal healthcare . Doesnt make any sense. Of course, this opens up questions about Donald Trumps health. , hes got the kind ofr ed his fulgedos how he audience reacts applause he had bone spurs s the doctor in question i gastroenterologist and trumps strategi reserve dr. Hel hey those trous lau bend over, here c train laughter heguy who can notscription for some people are concerned that hips health. Concern. laughter is ta mybe, mybe not. laughter hhe letter seems like he yanked it from where the sun dont shine. R example, his assertion t mr. Trump has results. And positive results are always good Blood Pressure . Positive olesterol . Positive positive ter was written tmpimself in terms like extraordinary and, if elected, mr. Trump, i can state uneql ever elected to the presidency. Of healthiest ever of course, thats only if he keeps taking his prescriptio laughter this letter, last week, nbc news tracked down dr. Bornstein, who was in his Manhattan Office and not as ht a ren fest. laughter stephen and woul a turkey leg . Letter seems rushed because it was. I thought about it all day and, at the end, i get rushed and i get anxious when i get rushed. Stephen rushed, anxious, five minutes, driver waiting. You definitely want the candidates physical to sound like losing your virginityom night. ler gandolf right now. laughter dont get in the gandolf, kids laughter honestly, i have to wonder, is dr. Bornstein is healthy enough to judge whether or not trump is healthy enough for the presidency . Well, to answer that question, we have obtained an exclusive letter from trumps doctors doctor. I have it right here. italthy man. Good at doctoring trump, best at medicine forever, signed dr. Realdoctorhere. laughter well be right back with riz ahmed. cheers and applause ill have that goat cheese garden salad. That gentleman got the last one. Sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie can i pick the genre . Yes, but i card from American Express you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Throw. Its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of American Express. S only those w introducing the firstever never underestimate the power of energizer. Our longest lasting energizer max ever. s support is perfect for you. Only the sealy hybrid has Posturepedic Technology sealy. Proud supporter of you. Z mm f cheers and applause come english actor and rapper best known for his acclaimed role as llgoodu. Bee. No stephenhowikurs, th night of m took for game of thrones. It is. Stephen but scarier. We showed a clip. Im hooked on the series and i havent seen the finale so iy show so keep in mind i dont know how it ends. Okay. Stephen yeah. O how are we going to talk about the show . Stephen in code. laughter id rather talk about you first. A year ago i didnt know your name. No offense. I didnt know bourne youre on a rocket ride right now applause we the same you wait an hour for a londonn three come along at once. Side, i have been working steadily on a bunch of inside, this doesnt like it happened overn und youre alwayshere toe hol yeah,me exactly. A came toanng you . Creators whenine host. Heing back fro festival and my agent sai sending you a script read the plane, youre going to audition as soon as you land. Im so behind, i still havent seen breaking bad. Stephen its all a very happy ending yeah. I good. And k the meant somethin bu latenight boxing. Stephen mmhmm. Y interesting, branching out. Stephen primarily boxi o laughter y i rehoever wrote great future ahead of him, and turned out to be the guys who wrote list and the wire and laughter stephen yeah, theyre your family is originally from pakistan correct . Yes. Stephen in england . Yes. Stephen we have one from every country in ther you are playing someone who is from the new york. Is there a differenceexperien englishmusl experience . Whats interesting is i think the word asian means Something Different that be in the u. K. Stephen asian here meansndt i means peopleng the u. S. Because up to me a to speak to me in spanish, first of all. Stephen yeah yeah. That doesnt happen so much if you look at u. K. I would say, no, im asian, and they would look at me like im crazy. So there is that different, i guess. No i kind of feel like, when i was growing up i felt like i had to qualify and say im ine, looks like and hopefully through nasir thats what an american can look like as well. applause do you have any issues when you travel here in because, you know, donald trump says no muslims. States. Do you have any he kind of always says foreigners are coming over here taking jobs. I kind of agree. There is a lot of british actors on tv right now over here. Stephen hello. Absolutely. applause its not good. Stephen it wall around the audition something, keep them away. laughter eah trouble. Earched flyen a secondary search . A random search. Steph deeper search. I get searched by fans and they can be really thorough. Stephen are you fans surprised when they find out you are english . Because i did not know you were english till you started talking. Flap flap. Great. Stephen thats onld have done your but are people surprised when they go, wait a second youre not queens . laughter its kind of w as i land in were filming, i think im going to Start Talking in the accent of the character to the first person i meet on the production. So they think thats how i talk. So out ofet l. Taned just speak in this accent the whole time. Sometimes people m ha be from london. Sa yeah. When we wrap, they can feel betried. When we wrap up i go up and say, thanks a lot, ma th you who are you . laughter stephen this year you will be in rogue one. There are a lot of things you camh right . Yeah. Oesnt end in a dance i can tell you how we filmed it a little bit. Its kind of different than star wars movies. Its ats on the ground feel. Our director would often operatethe camera and we would do these would do it and again and again withoutantoppi again. Ly, thats because of that process because partly we never got to break to go to the toilet within that process at all. Stephen so if i shot of you and you look furious, s laughter yeah,thing di rop some knowledge for us right now . applause do you needg . T do it a cappella. So i used to do free style rap battles. So it could be like coper in a blackt gent,at showrksiont just Downton Abbey and those posh peeps dont believe that lie like you he loghter thank you. Stephen the night of is available on hbo go and hbo now. Riz ahmed, everybody. Well be right back with my thoughts on bill clintons potential role as first dude. band playing cheers and applause take on any road with intuitive allwheel drive. The nissan rogue, murano and pathfinder. Now get 0 apr for 72 months cash. baby laughs baby laughs what muscle pain . What headache . What arthritis pain . Advil makes pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Advil. To those who dont run from mud. But through it. Who know it wasnt a day at the beach. Unless someone got buried. To the fullbacks. Gearheads. And those with green thumbs. To the sticky. The stinky. Even those who get a little icky. To all the beautiful mess makers keep it up. With delta in2ition plus h2okinetic, you can. See what delta can do. I am sebastian artois. Brewmaster. Risktaker. I sold everything i had to own a brewery. You might have heard its name. Stella artois be legacy band playing cheers and applause stephen hey welcome back everybody folks, theres no other way to put it, donald trump laughter i know i talk about donald trump a lot on this show but its quite possible that after 240 years of male president s, america may finally elect. A male first lady. And as americas potential first ladies man, bill clinton is already making spousal history because, last week, he participated in what Family Circle magazine used to call the first lady cookie contest. But now that bill is on the scene, theyve renamed it the president ial cookie poll. laughter because when youre forcing the spouses of president ial candidates to be judged on their baking, you dont want to sound sexist. The contest goes back to 1992, during bills first president ial campaign, when hillary gave a controversial interview where she said, i suppose i could have stayed home and baked cookies. But what i decided to do was to fulfill my profession. Her comments were taken as a slight against stayathome moms. Not to mention the powerful keebler lobby. laughter they employ over 50 of americas elves laughter but Family Circle saw hillarys remark as the perfect opportunity to start a cookie competition, and what started out as a gaffe became a fun contest. Just like when hillary made that gaffe with her email server, which was really more of a delete your cookies contest. laughter cheers and applause so this year bill agreed to participate in the contest but instead of a new recipe, he turned in the exact same recipe hillary used to win the 1992 and 1996 contests. Come on man, who would have thought bill clinton was a cheater . laughter applause be careful, bill. You cant just use all of hillarys old moves. First off, youre never going to fit into her inaugural gown. laughter wow. That is shocking. How much he looks like barbara bush. laughter its really very attractive. Very attractive. Point is, im excited about bill clintons potential first husbandom. And if i were hillary, id come up with many more traditions for him to be in charge of. Really, anything to keep him busy. Well be right back with pedro pascal. band playing cheers and applause the ford freedom sales event is on our biggest event of the year just got better announcing zero for seventytwo across the entire lineup of ford cars, trucks and suvs. Plus, tagged vehicles now get a thousand smart bonus. Thats freedom from interest. And freedom to choose with ford. Americas best selling brand. Now get 0 financing for 72 months across the entire ford lineup, plus specially tagged vehicles get a thousand smart bonus. This is my body of proof. Proof of less joint pain. And clearer skin. This is my body of proof that i can fight Psoriatic Arthritis with humira. Humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. Its proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage, and clear skin in many adults. Humira is the number 1 prescribed biologic for Psoriatic Arthritis. 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Vo all your coupons in one place. The kohls app. Vo now thats the good stuff. Mother cool. Daughter can we go shopping now . Crabfest is on at red lobster so come dive into dishes like the new alaska bairdi crab dinner with sweet crab from the icy waters of alaska. Or try crab lovers dream with tender snow and king crab legs. Love crab . Then hurry, crabfest ends soon. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey hey hey ladies and gentlemen, my next guest tonight hat his had his face ripped off his skull in game of thrones. He now he stars in narcos. speaking spanish stephen please welcome pedro pascal band playing cheers and applause stephen did you mind me describing you as someone who had his face ripped off his skull . Its one of the most gruesome deaths. It wasnt ripped off. It was crushed well, my teeth were knocked out, my eyes were gouged in, and then it was crushed. Stephen like a rotten melon. Like a rotten melon, like gallaghers melons the big fruit. Stephen not as funny. It was funny when we were doing it laughter stephen how did that feel . Did you enjoy having the most gruesome death in the history of game of thrones . Which is saying something. Its saying a lot. Stephen yeah. I loved it. Its an honor. cheers and applause im a huge fan of of the night of. Stephen have you seen the last episode . I was on a plane. I love it so much. I sort of watch it on my terms. I wasnt about to catch it midway in my hotel room so i hadnt seen it . Neither have i. So lets move on. Stephen stay away from backstage. I didnt even notice he was british when i met him. Stephen i had no idea till he started talking to me. Yeah. It was so exciting. And then you said he was english and i thought, oh stephen youre not going to drop an accent on me, are you . I was born in chile. Stephen there is someone from every country in the show every night. Legally, its for the international market. cheers and applause now, in narcos, the character is javier pena based on a real d. E. A. Agent. Just recently retired, january 2014. What year is it now . Stephen 2016. All right, so a long career. Stephen and did you get to meet this guy, the guy youre playing . I did. I met him spent time with him. We went to quantity co and i trained for a week with the other actor Boyd Holbrook and steve murphy who he plays, and it was weird because, like i said im from chile, and im a child of socialist political refugees we are very very liberal, and i cant seem to shake the feeling amongst the d. E. A. Because, i mean, i dont want to accuse them of being conservative laughter but laughter stephen let me ask you this is there anything else in the past in your past you might want to hide from the d. E. A. . Everything i dont regret doing, which is sort of stephen you were with him the whole time did it feel like you were in traffic and a cop was behind you the whole time. Like im going to get caught for my thoughts. You know what i mean . Every drug they talk about, i can only think about doing it. Not that i have, but its that opposing contrary stephen these people are trying to catch Pablo Escobar. For people who are not children of the 80s, can you explain what a huge figure Pablo Escobar was . He was the king of the cocaine industry. A guy like al pacino in scarface. Stephen hes the bill gates of cocaine. He was worth about 30 billion. Thats correct, and he was on Forbes Magazine and one of the richest men in the world. Stephen he spent 2,500 a month on rubber bands to wrap his cash. True story. You know more than i do. Im just thinking about the drugs im not supposed to be doing while im playing the character. laughter applause stephen you met this guy. You saw what these guys were doing. This guy is infiltrating the cartel. Do you think you could have done that as an actor . No. Stephen no . Well. laughter we did tactical simulations. Stephen what does that mean . Where we kind of have to perform a so fario, given a a scenario. I had to buy drugs from someones house, that was all at quantity co. A quake culdesac you drive up. You have a description of what youre supposed to do or ask, and the assignment is just knock on the door, you met this guy before, bought drugs off him one time before and youre just going to buy the drugs and go. Youre not going to catch him just finish the assignment. So i go and i knock on the door, and the guy invites me inside the house middle east and i am invites nee immediately and i am terrified. I know these d. E. A. Agents are having fun with the stupid actors who are trying to be cool at quantico. He says come inside. Im, like, i dont think i should. He says, whats wrong . I said nothing. He said, youre being different. I said, so are you. He said, you were so chill last night. No you were chill last time. We went at this a long time. Finally, he was so frustrated because he had to sell me the drugs. So i bought the drugs and i left. So they took me through what was going to happen to me if i went in the house. They were going to take me inside and a third guy was going to come and i was going to get shot in the head with like, real blanks. Yeah, yeah, so it was sort of an actors survival instinct like avoiding humiliation and terror that made me a good d. E. A. Agent, i guess. Stephen wow. Yeah. laughter stephen i dont care if its just blanks, that would suck. Yeah, that would really suck. They did it to Boyd Holbrook the guy who plays steve murphy. Stephen and . Well, when he came to give me the car that i had to get into to drive to the same location, he was pale as a ghost, he was lighting a cigarette and he was like this laughter and i was just like, this is terrible stephen that happened before you went . So you had a hint. Exactly, but i didnt know what. I was, like, im not going in that house. Stephen well, thank you so much for being here. Delightful to meet you. Good to meet you as well. Stephen season 2 of narcos is available on netflix on september 2. Pedro pascal, everybody well be right back with a performance by angel olsen. band playing cheers and applause i tried hard to quit smoking. But when we brought our daughter home, that was it. Now i have nicoderm cq. The nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release Technology Helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. Its the best thing that ever happened to me. Every great why needs a great how. Well . I love it. This piece is so you. I know, right . I saw it and i was just like oh, i have to have it. Is it suede . Its suede. I love suede. State farm knows that every one those moments, theres one of these. Well . I love it. This piece is so you. I know, right . I saw it and i was just like i have to have it. Is it suede . Its suede. I love suede. Thats why were there with renters insurance when things go wrong. But also here, with a rewards credit card, to help life go right. State farm. cheers and applause when youve been making delicious natural cheese for over 100 years like kraft has, you learn a lot about how people cook. I wish i had like four different mexican cheeses but in one super melty cheese. It does exist you still have two cheese wishes left. Only those who dare drive the world forward. Introducing the firstever cadillac ct6. [bell rings] walking to school is serious business. Especially on class picture day you have to stay clean. [dogs barking] youve gotta be responsible. Whoa and no matter what be on time. Its no big deal for a second grader. Cat and jack uniforms. Guaranteed for one year. Nexium 24 hour introduces new, easytoswallow tablets. So now, there are more ways, for more people. To experience. Complete protection from frequent heartburn. Nexium 24hr. The easytoswallow tablet is here. Never underestimate the power of energizer. Our longest lasting energizer max ever. I am sebastian artois. Brewmaster. Risktaker. I sold everything i had to own a brewery. You might have heard its name. Stella artois be legacy stephen here performing shut up kiss me, ladies and gentlemen, angel olsen cheers and applause i aint hanging up this time i aint giving up tonight even if you walk around as though you think youre right at your worst you still believe its worth a fight i could make it all go away tell me what you think and dont delay we could still be having some sweet memories this heart still beats for you why cant you see . Shut up kiss me hold me tight shut up kiss me hold me tight stop your crying its alright shut up kiss me hold me tight stop pretending im not there when its clear im not going anywhere if im out of sight then take another look around im still out there hoping to be found shut up kiss me hold me tight shut up kiss me hold me tight stop your crying its alright shut up kiss me hold me tight shut up kiss me hold me tight i could make it all disappear you could feed me all of your fears we could end all this pain right here we could rewind all of those tears i could take it down to the floor you dont have to feel it anymore a love so real that it cant be ignored its all over baby but im still yours im still yours shut up kiss me hold me tight shut up kiss me hold me tight stop your crying its alright shut up kiss me hold me tight shut up kiss me hold me tight cheers and applause Stephen Angel olsens album my woman comes out on this saturday well be right back. To prove how authentic my new brewhouse bacon burger is im going undercover, at an actual brewhouse. Its awesome. Amazing what if i told you you are eating a jacks brewhouse bacon burger from jack in the box. Not this one. Absolutely lying. And what if i told you. That im jack. Whaaaat . no way no didnt see that coming did you . Porter ale cheese sauce, grilled onions, and bacon on a artisan potato bun. Jacks new brewhouse bacon burger, new from jack in the box. Hey, where did jack go . He was just here. I called for help as soon as i saw her. I found her wandering miles from home. When the phone rang at 5am i knew it was about mom. I see how hard its been on her at work and i want to help. For the 5 million americans living with alzheimers and millions more who feel its effects. Lets walk together to make an even bigger impact and end alzheimers for good. Find your walk near you at alz. Org walk. Stephen thats it for the late show everybody. Please tune in tomorrow when my guests will be john krasinski, adam brody, and musical guest st. Paul and the broken bones. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, heidi klum and josh groban. Goodnight captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready to have some fun . Rock n roll tonight. Its going to be all right. The late, late show. Ladies and