Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170302

laughter cheers and applause . Stephen he said hed like to date his daughter. He said, grab them by the pussy. Stephen he said that was just locker room talk. Oh oh oh, my preexisting condition do you think it will be covered . We will know when the replacement comes stephen when will it come . Perhaps today. Stephen or tomorrow. Dee dee . Yes, godot . Stephen shall we go to canada . Yes, lets go. laughter stephen so are we going to go, or what . Oh, yeah, right. Sorry. Number one, two to beam up. cheers and applause its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes Patrick Stewart. Chris colfer. And roy wood, jr. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen whats up . Hey, chris whats up, matt . cheers and applause stephen thank you very much. Thanks so much. Welcome to the late show. Im Stephen Colbert. Big, really big night, big night last night for donald trump, or, or whoever knav gave that speec. laughter because it really seemed like a different donald trump was giving his first address to congress, and its getty pretty good reviews, pretty good reviews. The Washington Post called it surprisingly president ial. laughter always comforting when the president surprises you by seeming plausible. And getting raves for being surprisingly president ial is nothing new. I mean, look at this 1863 review of the gettysburg address. I like that four score and seven years ago thing. Plus, he didnt stop once to mock the disabled. Hes known for that. Abe is known for that. Jon he was known for that, huh . Wow . Stephen another thing about the speech, it was uncharacteristically optimistic, last night, and a lot of people are praising his shift in tone. Yes, he went from unhinged narcissist to hinged narcissist. laughter applause a little right there. applause heres the thing. Heres the thing trump may have changed his tone but that doesnt change the content upon what he said. One senior white house official even told a reporter that the speech was just nationalism with an indoor voice. Ye, indoor voice. Its the kind you use in the library while checking out books to burn. You know who also said troubling things in a calm voice . Hannibal lecter. Were making a list of imgrants, rounding up the bad ones. Make America Great again, clarice stephen smart. The guys smart. The guys smart. Yeah. laughter the point is, just because you act president ial doesnt mean you are. When i put my head through that cutout at coney island, it doesnt mean im actually riding a dolphin. laughter now, heres a moment that, despite trump using his indoor voice, has upset a lot of people. I have ordered the department of Homeland Security to create an office to serve american victims. The office is called voice victims of immigration crime engagement. Audience oh stephen yes, yes, yes, i hate bad acronyms, too. Victims of immigration crime engagement . You know what that means. That means they had victims of immigration crime, and could not think of a good e word. Lets spit ball this one. Victims of immigration crime. Enchilada . Anybody . Make them. Theyre dlirks come on well, however they did it, the acronym, the program there is called voice, which, after they round up the immigrants, i think means gwen stefani and Blake Shelton vote on who gets to stay in the country. cheers and applause not on cbs. Ive never seen the show. Now, studies have shown that in fact immigrants actually have a lower crime rate than nativeborn population. Come on, immigrants, if youre going to move here, youve got to assimilate. That means, learn english, then knock over a liquor store. Of course, the administration points out that some immigrants commit terrible crimes, but that doesnt mean all of them are criminal. Id say that the administration is cherrypicking, but everyone knows americans dont pick their own fruit. I dont know who does it. Its magic. It just shows up in the stores somehow. After Donald Trumps bizarrely normalsounding speech last night, the administration is taking a moment to bask in the afterglow. And thats why hes delaying signing the new muslim travel ban for a couple of days. As one official put it, we want the executive order to have its own moment. Oh, i get it. Things are good now. Lets talk about the bad stuff later. Its like when your folks say, all right, lets just enjoy our time at disney world, and well talk about getting a divorce later. I want to be goofy. I keep the shelf of all my props over there. Wasnt the whole urgency this is what i dont get, but wasnt the whole urgency of the first travel ban that if we delayed it even for one second, the terrorists would cut our brake cables . This is what he said back then. The Law Enforcement people said to me, oh, you cant give a notice, because if you gave a notice, if youre going to be really tough one month from now or one week from now i suggested a month, and i said, what about a week . They said, no, you cant do that, because then people will pour in before the toughness. laughter . Stephen pour in before the tough . Ns . Is he enforcing Immigration Law or folding egg whites into a souffle . Of the pour it in. Pour it in. Keep it going. Stiff peaks. Stiff peaks. applause laughter but come on, if you really think that america is facing urgent threat at our borders that grows graver every passing minute, you cant just hit the pause button. What do you think, the speech was so good last night, that isis will be spending the next 24 hours giving you a standing ovation . I mean, he looked so president ial. Youve got to admit it the global caliphate can wait until tomorrow. Let him have his moment, please yes, yes halfway through the reenactment, my isis people became italian for some reason. I dont know why that happened, you know . Thats a spicy caliphate. laughter honestly, ive never thought the travel bafns a good idea. And if flattering news stories will delay him from enacting it, im happy to do my part. So for more positive coverage of trumps address last night, we go to the late shows inhouse news network, real news tonight. Welcome to real news tonight. Of. Im jill newslady. Hour top story, the president ial address. For more we go to jim anchorton. Jim. Thats right, jill. Trump did all of his speeching perfectly, making all legal citizens smile bigley. The president is feeling happy goodness and the best way to celebrate is not enact any new policies. Yes, he feels warm and safe and the air smells like cookies and everything will stay that way, as long as he doesnt do anything until the 2020 elections because trump gave a good, smart speech. Good and smart. Trump is good. And as a matter of fact, jim. So smart. Thats it for real news tonight. Im jim anchorman. And i wish i was memelania. Stephen dont we all . Dont we all . I would like to be melania. , of course, now that trump is president , people are saying anyone can be president , and it does seem that way. I mean, the democratic rebuttal was given either by a former governor or a cult leader asking us to put on sneakers and catch a comet to heaven. It was hard to tell. Or maybe anyone, or perhaps a special someone could be president. Have you ever thought that, given the popularity you have, we havent broken the Glass Ceiling yet for women, that you could actually run for president and actually be elected . I never considered the question, even a possibility. cheers and applause i just thought, oh. Oh . Right, because, its clear that you dont need government experience to be elected president of the united states. Thats what i thought. I thought, oh, gee, i dont have the experience. I dont know enough, i dont and now im thinking, oh. laughter applause stephen youre thinking o . Im thinking o. cheers and applause im think ago not only that, im thinkingime thinking o is a pretty great slogan for 2020. Speaking of president o, do you guys remember barack obama. Remember that guy. Jon great shot. Stephen yeah. Nice guy, about yays had high, grayish hair, we trusted him with the launch codes. Hes out of work right now, but i think hes going to be okay, because he and michelle just signed a 60 million book deal, which explains how he could afford Richard Branson as his kitesurfing instructor. At 60 million, its the most valuable president ial memoir ever. Previously, bill clinton got a 15 million advance for his postwhite house memoir, and george w. Bushs only got 7 million. Meanwhile, tickets are 9 a pop to see hillarys offbroadway production of into the woods. Thats all i know. I know nothing else. Into the woods. Now, the subjects of the obamas books havent been announced yet, but its rumored that baracks book will be a memoir of his presidency. While michelle will write a book designed to inspire young people based on her life story. It will be released in hardback, then paperback, and then by melania. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Sir Patrick Stewart is here. But when we return, well look back at this black History Month. Stick around. Its an important question you ask, but one i think with a simple answer. We have this need to peek over our neighbors fence. And once we do, we see wonder waiting. Every step you take, narrows the influence of narrow minds. Bridges continents and brings this world one step closer. So, the question you asked me. What is the key . Its you. Everything in one place, so you can travel the world better. Psst. Hey. Where you going . Weve got that thing you know. Diarrhea . Abdominal pain . But we said wed be there. Woap, who makes the decisions around here . 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Well take it. Its time to snap, post, chat and sell. Its time to letgo. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Say hi to jon batiste and stay human, right over there. That man, right there. That man, right there audience Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much. Listen, listen. Jon, i just want to tell you, im enjoying a little coffee right here. Jon oh, yeah. Stephen okay. You know how i like my coffee . Jon how do you like that . Stephen i like my coffee like i like my History Months, black. There it is. Well, black History Month is officially over. It just flew by as if we gave black people the shortest month of the year. But with Jeff Sessions as attorney general, i have a feeling well be making more black history every day. Jon, my friend, how was your black History Month. Jon it was good, we did a live show to cap it off. Stephen we capped it. Jon capped off the show, the best month of the year. Stephen thats right. I love hearing from you jon, and i love keeping a dialogue open with you. Its so important that we do. Jon yes, yes. laughter . Stephen because its important to understand each others perspective if were going to go forward as a nation full of love. I understand you have a short p. S. A. About that subject. Jon yes, i do. Roll it hey, white people every fall, my white neighbor invites me to go apple picking with him and his family. Thats where you go to someones farm and pay them to stand in the sun and pick crops off a tree. Listen, i aint fallin for that trick again. The closest thing ill get to picking up anything is my check. Hey, white people. Just because you watched slum dog millionaire does not mean you are allowed to get a henna tattoo. You know what pissed me off . We dont look alike. You say denzel, or or maybe, like, fabio. No, wait, fabios white. Whats the other black guy they say look good . The guy from the movie . He got the eyebrows, the nose . Its not okay too do motown at karaoke. No one wants to see it. No one wants to hear it. You shouldnt do it, confused. Pick another song. Hey, white people, when you say urban, we all know you mean black people so just say black people. And if that makes you feel uncomfortable, well, then you should probably meet more urban people. laughter . Hey, white people if you feel left out during black History Month, just remember that you played a pretty giant role in black history, too. What is his name . Willis from different strokes. Thats who i was talking about. True story. Jon hey, white people. Its not okay to air your black History Month p. S. A. A day after black History Month is over. Either air it on time or give black heme an extra month. Thank you very much. cheers and applause stephen thank you, jon. Thank you. Well be right back with sir Patrick Stewart. Stick around. Lines . What lines . The chapstick total hydration collection. 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So no matter where you go, you are here. Join or link accounts at members. Marriott. Com. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Folks, my first guest tonight is one of the finest actors in the world. You know him as the beloved. Professor x, a role he is playing for the final time in logan. Where you all headed . Oregon south dakota um, well, oregon and then south dakota. Vacation. Yes. Long overdue. I would love to travel some day. And i bet you will. I can drop out of school. Okay, lets not go that far. I mean, ill do it. Careful, youre speaking to a man who ran a school for a lot of years, right, charles . Well, yes. It was it was a kind of special needs school. Yeah, thats a good description. He was there, too. Oh, yeah, no. I got kicked out a few times. I wish i could say you were a good pupil, but the words would choke me. laughter stephen please welcome, sir Patrick Stewart this is how we do it this is how we do it this is how we do it this is how we do it. cheers and applause stephen nice to see you. Thank you, and you, too. cheers stephen theyre very happy to see you, clearly. cheers good to see you again. And you, stephen, always good. Stephen i dont lets get to the big news because i hope im not giving anything away here stop me if i am but people may not know this, but theyre actually making the emoji movie. Theyre making a movie this is true. Were not making this up. Theyre making a movie based on the emojis, and you have been cast as the poop emoji. laughter applause do i have that, sir patrick, do i have that correct . Yes, you do. cheers and applause stephen they cant its queen the queen cant come take the knighthood away, can she . Is she going to be okay with this . You know, im going to run it by her when i go back to london. Just so stephen stop by buckingham . So to speak. And i think she will approve because she will know that for me, poop has been laughter stephen guys talking about his art. For me thank you, thank you, stephen you hear what the man said. Stephen yes. For me, poop has been a lifelong work in progress. cheers and applause stephen yeah. Are you method . Is this method . Oh, totally internal, until its external, of course,. Stephen yes, of course,. But you see, when i was an infant, of course, it was more spontaneous. laughter but whats interesting is that in my teens, it took a kind of comedic spurt, you know. I was laughter it was low farce, rather than high comedy. But as i matured, so did my output. Laugh. Stephen okay, lets talk about logan for a second. It comes out this weekend. I because im special, ive already seen it. Ive already seen it. You have seen it . Ive seen it twice. Stephen its an absolutely beautiful movie. And it is different from any other, you might say sort of comic book romp than theyve ever made, but in some ways its so much more like what its like to read one of these sort of adventure, superhero comic books. Its gritty, its dark. Professor x. Drops the fbomb every so often. Was that nice to let fly with him being a little bit more human . Well, its one of those ways in which you can say, things have changed, folks. This is not the man that groove grown to love and feel secure with all these years. No, he is old, 90 90plus. Which i know would be a stretch for you to imagine me as a 90plus. laughter . Stephen the makeup artists were amazing in this one. The makeup, they were sensational. They deserve Oscar Nominations for their work on me. Like all the xmen movies, it is about something. And primary, although, yes, they are superhero people, but its also about family. Theres the family that you saw in that clip just now. But, also, theres another family. Theres a grandfather. Theres a son who might be logan. And theres a daughter, a granddaughter, too, who is the most extraordinary young woman, i think the most extraordinary child performer i have ever met. Her name is daphne keen. Stephen shes the story is surprising how moving it is because all the other xmen movies up to now you got to know and have affection for these characters but now you see them brought low. Its in 2029. Something terrible has happened. You dont really know. Its not explained that much, one of my favorite things in good science fiction. You dont know yet future is this way. I assume trump was elected. cheers and applause . Yes. The thing is what is pertinent about this movie was written three the ideas four years ago. And this is really a case of life catching up with art. Stephen it really is. Like you cant you cant imagine that this thing was written before donald trump became president. I know. Stephen what they are dealing with, the mexican border, fleeing to canada, the which im not giving anything away by saying that but theyre all things i thought how could they possibly have known this could be so we couldnt have known. Stephen topically associated. But the three principal characters the good news in our story they have one super objective, and that is to get to a border it happens to be the Canadian Border and get across. Why . To safety. And all of the world, there are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people who are doing exactly the same thing because their lives are at risk and in danger. And it is never been so bood, and that has happened since this script was developed. Stephen well, everybody should see it. Its an incredibly beautiful movie. And its a western in its own way. And i i havent cried at a superhero movie before. How about that, i havent cried at a superhero movie before, but this one really got me. This one really got me. Its okay. Stephen its okay . Its okay. Stephen its okay. applause upon. Thats been my that was my superpower not crying. laughter . Until now. Stephen yes. applause now, you we have this little video here. This was you posted this online or a friend of yours postepostedposted this online, r wife posted this. This is you in front of a hardware story window. This is also very moving. Jim cwe show . laughter applause stephen i know the feeling. I know the feeling. You, too. Stephen i know the feeling. So we just wanted to give you a little we wanted to give you a little gift. We got you we got you a socket wrench set. cheers and applause there you go. Right there. And i will i will hold this. And as and as we as we go up on the, i thought it would be nice if we just sort of socket wrench down. Socket wrench that down. Maybe take that off actually, ill do this. Ill hold this you, do do you do that side. I got it stephen ready . Ill hold this. Logan is in theaters this friday. Sir Patrick Stewart, everybody well be right back with chris colfer. cheers and applause im in vests and as a vested investor in vests, i invest with e trade, where investors can investigate and invest in vests. Or not in vests. This is my retirement. Retiring retired tires. And i never get tired of it. Are you entirely prepared to retire . Plan your never tiring retiring retired tires retirement with e trade. How do you become americas bestselling brand . You make it detect what they dont. Stop, stop, stop sorry. You make it sense whats coming. Watch, watch, watch mom. Relax im relaxed. You make it for 16year olds. Whoawhoawhoa and the parents who worry about them. You saw him, right . Going further to help make drivers, better drivers. Dont freak out on me. Thats ford. And thats how you become americas bestselling brand. Un poquito mas rapido, no . [instrumental music playing hthroughout] [wheel squeaking] beautiful bike, just beautiful. Ha,ha,ha. [pumping of bike tire] [pumping of hospital ventilator] [rain falling] [wheel squeaking] Carlos Carlos dr. Brad needs to see you in room 3. [wheel squeaking] [heart monitor beeping] remember 2007 . Smartphones . O m g ten years later, nothings really changed. Its time to snap out of it. Hello moto. Snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. Get a 10x optical zoom. Get excited world. Hello moto. Moto is here. The moto z with moto mods. Visit verizonwireless. Com droid to discover todays hot deal. band playing cheers and applause stephen ladies and gentlemen, my next guest tonight is a golden globewinning actor best known for his work on glee and captain of the starship enterprise. Please welcome chris colfer. applause stephen okay, now, Everybody Knows you as c time . The voice of an angel. Why arent you singing all the time . Oh, thank you i guess i didnt really think i had a good voice because i think on the show, like my characters always made fun of the singing and had to compete with really powerful female performers. So i guess i got a little subconscious and i thought im not that great of a singer is theres always been a joke made about it. Stephen your voice is like a silver bell. Thank you ill take it, thank you. Stephen okay. Ive gotten a lot worse. Stephen i understand is it like a muscle . I like to sing but im not a singer . Is it a muscle like you lose it if you dont do it for a while . Not really, because im always singing in the shower to my golden restreefary dismay. Stephen is the golden retriever in the shower with you . No, no well, sometimes, sometimes i get yeah, sometimes i miss him just too much. Stephen now, i understand that you were hesitant to take want part originally on glee. Why were you hesitant to do that . Its so crazy to think about, like, 2008, is when i got cast and i had just graduated high school and what a different world it was stephen you had just graduated from high school . Yes, i graduated in june, and i joined the show in september. Stephen thats crazy. A show about High School Kids that had People High School age. Thats unprecedented. I know, right. The rest of them were, like, 30. laughter i know. So it was you know, my talent was very, very conservative. So, you know, like playing an openly gay character was a little a little terrifying for me. Stephen wow. And, also, i was in college at the time so i had to drop out after my first two weeks. Stephen oh, wow, oh, wow. But it worked out. It worked out. Stephen overrated. I think i made the right choice. Stephen well, youre also an author. You can a new book called stranger than fanfiction. And have you written fair long time . Ive been writing since i was a little kid, before i even knew what writing really was. Stephen thats impossible. laughter . Yeah stephen i was going to say thats hard. Its actually impossible. Im sorry, before i knew what good writing was. Stephen okay. How did you get started . Who did you write for . My Action Figures, actually. I had a few of Patrick Stewart. Stephen oh, really . Yeah. Stephen as jean luke piccard. I used to make up stories for my Action Figures and at the end write a list of characters professor x. As old man. Sorry, patrick. laughter . Stephen well, now, i understand your grsms your first editor. She was. Stephen is that because you know she would, like, go easy ow . Its a bit of a copout. Editors have to be tough. She this is my 11th book, and my grandmother still the the toughest editor i ever had to work with in my life. Stephen you would write stars a child and say, grandma, would you look at this . Yeah, and they were short, no more than two pages long, and i brought them to grandmothers house and she liked them, she kept it dismaik if she didnt shes crumb pel it up and throw it away. Stephen in front of you . In front of me. Shed said, you can do better. Stephen is that why this is available in hardcover, so she cant crumple. Yes. Stephen what other books have you written . I have one called the land of stories. Its like catnip with kids. And another novel struck by lightning, which is also a movie. And i have im at the age i have to have, like, a list because i cant remember. Stephen thats perfectly fine. Im an adult, and im younger than some adults. Tell me about stranger than fanfiction. Fanfiction there might be people who dont know what that is. People write about famous people or they write about storylines that already exist out in tv or movies burnght they write their own versions of them. Yes. And waited enemy the release of this book to let people know this, but i was actually an avid fanfiction writer when i was a kid. Stephen who did you write . I wrote a screenplay for zina Warrior Princess movie. I wrote i adapted wicked the musical, into a screenplay. And i wrote candyland, the musical. Stephen the childrens board game candyland . Childrens board game. Stephen what happens . Oh, this is really dark. Okay, okay, so i i was, like, 12, so forgive me. But i looked up somewhere that on wikipedia or . , that candyland had been invented for kids with polo. So i made a musical about qidz polo. laughter . Stephen i hesitate to ask what the dance numbers were like. laughter . Well i didnt i didnt exactly know what polo was at the time. I just thought it was, like, a cough. laughter . Stephen you didnt know what polo was, and you were not aware that writing existed . No. Stephen do you have people write fanfiction about you . Oh, yeah, yeah. Stephen have you read it . I never go looking for it. It always finds its way to me. But what i really i say its always very its like 50 shades of colfer sometimes. Im really very touched that everyone describes me with abs. Stephen i have never had the honor. Its great. Stephen chris, lovely to meet you. Thank you for being here. Stephen book number 11, stranger than fanfiction, is available now. Chris colfer, everybody. Well be right back with roy wood, jr. Stick around. Store and download it. Now, you have microsoft word on your ipad pro and it works with apple pencil. Word . Word. Word yeah, word. Wooooorrrddd. First thblades. Shaving. Sharp and precise. Then gillette shielding. Comfy lubrication before and after. And also cooling. Oooh. I got goosebumps. Gillette proshield chill with lubrication before and after the blades. Shields and cools while you shave. Proshield chill from gillette. The best a man can get. Proshield. Available with or without chill. And you have to run to the printer before anyone else does. Dont print. With ipad pro and apple pencil, you can just sign and send off that secret new job offer. What new job . im not looking for a new job im very happy here ,,,, band playing band playing cheers and applause stephen thank you, everybody. Such lovely people. So generous. My next guest is a comedian, an actor, daily show correspondent and captain of the starship enterprise. Please welcome roy wood, jr cheers and applause yeah Stephen Colbert. Stephen hol hello. How are you doing sir . Stephen happy black History Month one day late. I apologize. I should have had calls. I appreciate it. Its African American History Month. Stephen is it . I didnt know it officially changed. Some white dude told us what we should dahl it now. Stephen good, good. Speaking of white dudes, did you see Donald Trumps speech last night . Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stephen what did you what did you he was up there. You know, he was talking. It was english. He spoke english. Stephen he was, yeah. Im very concerned, because, as a minority, as a black person, when i look at whats happened with this administration towards other minorities, up until this point, it makes me nervous because i know we next, you know. Black people at some point, we are on the list. And you see whats happening with planned parenthood and women and see whats happening with the muslim ban and the trans community. Its like walking into the house and seeing your sibling getting a whooping and you know you next. Its nerveracking. Stephen what do you do, go back up on the the door . Yeah. You walk in the house and you see the muslims laying over trumps lap. Black people come here no go upstairs and get my stop and frisk. No, obama said we didnt have to stop and frisk. cheers and applause thats what it feels like. Stephen yeah. And it just it makes me scared because black History Month, all you saw was trump taking pictures with all of these affluent black people, and you have to be leery of someone who says that he wants to give your group rights while at the same time denying rights of other people. Sooner or later, that snake is going to bite you, too. cheers and applause . Stephen well, he says donald trump says he says he has a very Good Relationship with the African American community. He said i want to get this correctly he said, the blacks love me. laughter applause thats what he said. Thats not me. I know what he said. Stephen do you want to fact check him on that one . He should ask more blacks. laughter . Stephen another now, listen, we have something in common. Youre a daily show correspondent. I was proudly a daily show dr many years. Paved the way. Stephen i was in there at the beginning. You go on the road and do these field pieces out there. How is your soul doing . Because you go out there, and you talk to the lovely people out there, who perhaps have different world views than you do. Uhhuh. Stephen and you have to come back with the comedy and edit it and people get mad at you. People get very mad and very fast i have not been sued personally. Stephen you just wait. They want to sue me, i tell them im on the lat the late h Stephen Colbertment. Thats what i tell them. I got squared one time in north carolina. They have a law in place businesses can deny services to people just on the suspicion that youre gay. Stephen what . I think you look gay. You know what . No, im not serving you. Gli heard about laws like, im not going to make your wedding cake, or im not taking photos. Correct. Nosbake a gay wedding cake. We set up a barbecue truck and called them gay to their face. Stephen what was the name of the truck . Bone brothers barbecue. cheers and applause brothers and bone. Stephen was it good . Oh, yeah thats why that i was mad. Stephen people would come up people were shake the truck. Stephen and you would say you cant have barbecue because i think youre gay . Do you know how frustrating is for me to out yourself and you didnt you you were gay and i outed you. Stephen its not as bad as denying me barbecue. That was one of those times where i definitely was scared for my life. But we got the truth out there and thats the important thing about the show. So we keep getting on the plane and doing it again and again. Stephen good luck. I know how hard it is. How hard it is. Its scary. Stephen yes. Now, you got a new special called father figure. You have a new son i just met. Whats his name . Henry. Stephen henry, absolutely beautiful. Urand your lovely wife. Why was it important for you to make this you say this was ainoge your son. Yeah. Stephen why make a special out of it . Why not just talk to him when the time was right gidont even im going to be alive that long, man, so i figure i give him something he can pull up on itunes in a couple of years stephen will he have to pay for it on itunes . Possibly, he might. There are certain things you can explain to a child, stex and oh, by nice and dont murder. Like, thatsacy me street teaches you that. But when it talks about how to deal with a society where people may hate you for the color of your skin and not letting that permeate your selfconscious and affect your selfesteem, thats probably daddy talk. So i decided to make a special and made sure i talked about race and talk about Race Relations in this country so sooner or later, even im not here to have the conversation him, he can understand the ideologies and how he shouldnt let those things affect him. cheers and applause . Stephen any schools . Any schools youre giving him, like specific instructions or anything like that . The first thing im going to instill on my son is always leave the store with a back, period. Stephen what do you mean it depends how much i buy . It dont matter how much i buy, i leave way bag. You have to leave with a bag. As a black man in this country, people need to know i paid for this stuff so i need a bag. Not only i do need a bark i need that receipt and i want people to staip toll the outside. I was at best buy, staple the receipt to the outside like chinese carryout. Im not leaving the store, no matter what i buy, im leaving with a bag. You dont want questions from the securityrd pupont know what hes been through. Stephen you dont know what the security exwrd has been through. He might snap. What you got int bag . I got the receipt. Snow noe hes going for a gun stephen stay safe. Absolutely. Stephen thank you for being here. Thank you, sir. Stephen his new special, father figure, is on the Comedy Central app. Roy wood jr. , everybody well be right back. ,,,,,, the late show, everybody. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be hugh jackman, condola rashad, and musical guest, the flaming lips. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, Hayden Panettiere and shirley maclaine. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where you come from its gonna be all right its the late, late show ladies and ji, all the way