Tonight, stephen welcomes daniel craig. An and musical guest blackberry smoke. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey hows it going . Yeah hey thank you very much. Thank you very much. Hey, everybody how are you . How are you . Ladies and gentlemen, weve got a big show weve got a big show for you tonight. Welcome to the late show. Urt. Big day here in the big apple. Donald trump has come back to new york, and new yorkers were really happy to see him. New york hates you clapping new york hates you stephen now, to be fair, that is a standard new york greeting. You might remember, it took donald trump two days to condemn the white nationalists and the neonazis who held that really down in charlottesville. Thats why. Audience about ooo. I know the feeling. Thats why i sent him this card. Fresh irveg. Thats fresh ink. But even though many criticized how long it took, the president knew the right thing was to make the statement monday, be clear about who was to blame, and then move on to the peoples business. Im just kidding. laughter he held a press Conference Today in, i believe, the seventh circle of hell. Heres what he said. When asked why he waited two days to condemn neonazis and White Supremacists in charlottesville. When i make a statement i like to be correct. Before i make a statement, i need to know the facts. Before i make a statement, i need the facts. Stephen okay, i need the facts, okay. Just ask the millions of illegal voters who refused to look for obamas birth certificate, during my recordbreaking inauguration. Okay . Its all on the obama wiretaps. Its all there, thats what im choos of thats what im. And he was still very angry about how the press covered his initial statement on saturday. If the press were not fake, and if it was honest, the press wouldve said what i said was very nice. Stephen and if you were a better president , you wouldve said something very nice. But youre not. Hypotheticals are fun who knows . Yeah. applause if wishes and butts were he a bowl of granola. Applause and when the president was asked about his embattled strategist steve bannon, he gave him his vote of. Mething. I like him. Hes a good man. He is not a racist, i can tell you that. Stephen if the third thing if the third thing someone says about you, unprompted, is he is not a racist, youve got a problem. Oh, youd love jeff. Hes nice, hes good looking. Not a necrophiliac, i can tell you that. But just tack a cold bath. Lie still. But it kept coming back to charlottesville. And once again, donald trump wasnt fully sure whether the nazis should get all the blame. You had a group on one side, and you had a group on the other. But there is another side. I think theres blame on both sides. And i have no doubt about it. And you dont have any doubt about it, either. Stephen the only thing im doubting right now is whether youre going to still be president by friday, because cheers and applause what the hell are you talking about you know, one side hates minorities. The other side hates people who hate minorities. Okay, two sides. All right. Its just like dday. Allies and the nazis. But there was a lot of violence on both sides. Ruined a beautiful beach. Could have been a golf course. Could have been a great sandtrab. And when reporters asked about the white supremacist altright, trump quickly turned the tables. What about the altleft that rg cha, meg atinas y sou do they have any semblance of guilt . Stephen first of all, sir, the opposite of altright isnt the altleft. Its the not nazis. cheers and applause but he was quick to point out that not everybody in that crowd were neonazis. All of these people excuse me. Ive condemned neonazis. Ive condemned many different groups. But not all of those people were neonazis, believe me. Not all of those people were White Supremacists. Stephen thats right. Some of them were antisemites. It was very diverse. applause and trump challenged the media to be fair. Take a look. The night before, they were there to protest the taking down whe. It ee supremacists, by any stretch. Stephen okay. The night before. Lets take a look at the night before. Yep, just your average, friendly, civicminded, torch wielding mob. Probably holding the torches so everyone could see them point to all the good people there. Theres one theres one over there. Theres a good guy. Look at that guy right there, hes a good one hey applause trump also pointed out that not honoring the confederacy is a slippery slope. This week, its robert e. Lee. I noticed that Stonewall Jackson is coming down. I wonder, is it George Washington next week, and is it Thomas Jefferson the week after . You know, you really do have to ask yourself, where does it stop . Self, where does it stop . Im going to say it stops at the people who tried to destroy the country that George Washington and Thomas Jefferson founded. But im just spitballing. Im just thats just me. Jon i think you got it. Stephen i dont know. Lets be fair, jon. You have to be fair, jon. Jon no, thats pretty fair. Stephen then trump continued to attack and i cant believe im saying this George Washington. George washington was a slave owner. Was George Washington a slave owner . Yes, he was. So will George Washington now lose his status . Are we going to take down excuse me. Are we going to take down are we going to take down statutes to George Washington . Stephen spoken like a guy whos suspiciously worried that racist president s dont get statues anymore. laughter applause a we gonna what . Do i get one . Because i look and George Washington wasnt the only founding father trump could name. How about Thomas Jefferson . What do you think of Thomas Jefferson . Do you like him . I do love him. Okay, good. Are we going to take down the statue . Because he was a major slave owner. Stephen oh, yeah, major slave over. Easily in the topfive slave owners. It goes jefferson, washington, madison, jabba the hutt, and ivankas clothing line. There are a lot of them. applause i think im not i think so. I think so. If im wrong, im joking, obviously. And he had more to say about jefferson. He was a major slave owner. Now, are we going to take down his statute . So, you know what . Its fine. Youre changing history. Youre changing culture. Stephen yeah, taking down a statue is totally changing history. Because the main way anybody learns about history is through statuebased study. Thats how we know that Abraham Lincoln was 20 feet tall and loved sitting down. Thats really all he did. Thats all he was known for. applause thats my lincoln. Thats my lincoln. And trump oh, lord help our country. Trump had this defense of the white nationalists protesting in charlottesville. I dont know if you know, they had a permit. The other group didnt have a permit. Stephen come on, folks. You gotta give it to the naughties they always do their paperwork. Very punctual. Also very punctual. But trump also reminded us about the true source of racism in this country barack obama. Race relations in america, do you think things have gotten worse or better since youve come into office . Look, theyve been frayed for a long time, and you can ask president obama about that. Stephen yeah it was a miss. Back then i remember there was one superracist guy who kept questioning whether obama was even born here. It was a terrible time. applause but its just wrong its but trump proved that he had a personal investment in charlottesville literally. I own actually one of the largest wineries in the united states. Its in charlottesville. Stephen it is not one of the biggest wineries in the united states, though he is one of the biggest whiners in the united states. Its possible. He is in the now remember last week was it just last week. Last week we all that general kelly was going to bring some order to the Trump Administration . Doesnt that feel quaint now . Yeah, sure, theres a bull in the china shop, but itll be fine. We just hired a new china shop manager. And general kelly was there to witness the whole thing, seen here, overwhelmed with pride. This guy is a fourstar general. Iraq, no problem. Afghanistan, we can do it. 20minute Trump Press Conference . A quagmire from which our country will never emerge. cheers and applause what do we do . What do we i dont. And heres the thing did not get great reviews. It did not get great reviews. David duke liked it. Pretty much nobody else liked this press conference. And his star was very quick to throw the president under the bus. They were in damage control immediately with one aide telling reporters, that was all him. This wasnt our plan. cheers and applause yeah, ours either. But theyre right. It wasnt their plan. And we know this for a fact and this is absolutely true because their plan was a brief, written statement, and we got an actual glimpse of it when trump pulled it out of his pocket. And it says can we zoom in it says. Now, trump never read this statement. T ls Computer Forensic Lab has enhanced has enhanced the image, has managed to reconstruct the other half of the page. It resident cheers and applause thats actually thats what i was going to say. Its what he was going to say. Jon we figured that out. Stephen he should have just stuck with the plan. Thats actually much more coherent than what he actually said. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Daniel craig is here. But when we come back, weve got an answer for what to do with those confederate statues. Please join us. 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Vo only at jack in the box. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back, everybody. Give it up for jon batiste and stay human right over there cheers and applause what a crazy world we live in, jon. Jon wow. Stephen yeah. Now, as trump pointed out, charlottesville has only accelerated the call to remove these confederate monuments across the south. Yesterday, a crowd in durham, north carolina, took matters into their own hands. Whoa that thing buckled quick. Must have been a monument to general festus crumblylegs johnston. And, yesterday, in gainesville, florida, workers peacefully removed a statue of a confederate soldier from a county building, giving it to the group united daughters of the confederacy. I hope they enjoy it while they can. Those girls have got to be getting up in years. And it looks like even more of these monuments will be taken down with cities such as baltimore and lexington, kentucky, announcing their decision to remove confederate statues. No word yet on where the statues will end up, but im guessing Steve Bannons summer home. laughter now nice little garden, peaceful. applause now, i understand communities voting to get rid of painful reminders of the confederacy. Emh might not be the only way. To achieve that. Take a look at this word from our new sponsor. Is your town full of outdated confederate statues . Are you considering tearing them down or petitioning to have them removed in a legaltype fashion . There must be a better way call us. Kopesskitwins confederate conument location service. You got yourself a confederate certainly riding a horse . Lose the guy, keep the horse. The horse didnt know about slavery what about you got some sort of oldguy general . No problem. Bigger mustache. Give him a hat. Boom, cann crunch. And why haved withly on a podium when you can have a water slide . You just went from robert eched Los Angeles Lee to robert e. Weeee. Call today. Stephen well be right back. With daniel craig. Stick around. Hello moto. 21 liftoff. Phone. Projector. Make out party. Buy the new moto z with shattershield, and youll get a free projector mod. I am totally blind. And i live with non24, a circadian rhythm disorder that can throw my days and nights out of sync, keeping me from the people, places, and things i love. The people i love have always been there for me. And now, im there for them, too. Talk to your doctor, and call 8442142424 to learn more. Take an extra 20 kohls off your purchase. Sale get the gear. Win the school year. Kids licensed tees are just 6. 40. Boys plaid wovens are 14. 39 and girls varsity te a g 1 oesy ls 1. Canl. 9 game on. Kohls. Walter . Hmm . Is that the rest of our food . What . No. How come you have cheese in your beard . Because switching to geico could save you 15 or more on Car Insurance. Oh ok. Geico. Because saving 15 or more on Car Insurance is always a great answer. Whoa gross band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back, everybody. Welcome back to the late show already in progress. Ladies and gentlemen, you know my first guest tonight from munich, defiance, and the girl with the dragon tattoo. Oh, and thats right, hes also james bond. Please welcome daniel craig hello, daniel craig. Hello, sir. Good to see you. cheers and applause is that yours . Stephen thats yours right there. Please, have a drink, mr. Craig. Now, nice to see you again. We had you on here about a year ago. We we did, was it your 37th show . Stephen wow. Are you a savanity on counting Television Programs . One of my skills. Stephen can we check, that please . I want to fact check this guy. I dont want to be accused of fake news here on the late show. Munich, defiance, the girl with the dragon tattoo. But many people know you as james bond, i think the greatest bond. I truly i remember the first time the first time, Casino Royale at the end it said, james bond will return. I said, he all right. Thank you very much. Stephen i would see another i would see another Daniel Craig James bond movie in a minute. Now, youve been reported to have accepted the role of james bond again, in the new york times, back in july. They said that you are going to be the next james bond. And people have been asking about it all day. Yes, they have. Ive been quite cagey about it. I haveeen doing interviews all day and people have been asking me and i think ive been kind of coy. I think if i will speak the truth, i should speak the truth to you applause . Stephen crailg, we could use some good news here. Daniel craig, will you return as james bond . Yes. cheers and applause stephen thanks so much. Daniel craig, everybody do i leave now . Stephen that is fantastic that is fantastic i couldnt be i couldnt be happier. Stephen thats wonderful. Oh, hot damn. I have to apologize to all the people ive done interviews with today. Because ive been i wanted to tell you. Stephen you did the right thing. laughter . I think so. Stephen you saved it for here. You did the right thing. Theyll all agree it was the right thing to not give them the scoop. I think they will. I think they will. Stephen how long you have known you would be the next james bond . How long you have been holding out, daniel craig . Its been a couple of months. Weve been discussing it. Stephen wow. Dngtryie just been sort oflwante toig to. I needed a break. Stephen you didnt always want to because you said in terv after you finished spectre, mr. I always wanted to. You said, id rather slash my wrists than play james bond agai tte cphanen bofelie coursf course. I have a terrible memory. People have to write things down for me. So there is a time when you didnt want to be the next james bond. Look, theres no point making excuses about it. But it was two days after i finished shooting the last movie. I went straight to an interview and someone said, would do you another o saying somethingf with style and grace, i gave a really stupid answer. And its stephen well, thats like asking a woman who just gave birth and has, like, a fourinch episiotomy, would you thriek have another baby . Its not quite like that. I dont, i can compare it to that. Stephen you would get in trouble. I would get in a lot of trouble. That was bad enough. Stephen how is your lovely wife . Shes very well. She sends her love. Stephen does she . Es, she sens her y love. Stephen love . Have i mentioned that i have a rachel problem . You didnt say a problem. Its a crush. Stephen its a problem if youre married and you have a crush on somebody elses wife, thats a problem. And youre talking to me about it. Stephen and especially if its Daniel Craigs wife. You have a real problem if you have a crush on Daniel Craigs wife. She has a little crush on you, so thats okay. Were just adults. Were just being very adult about this. Stephen totally adult about this. Just but not european about it, right . No. Stephen because i have i have a good marriage. Yeah, so do i. Stephen anyway, give her my best. laughter your new movie okay, so bond, poof who cares about bond at this point. You have the new movie which is logan lucky. What is what is your characters name . Joe bang. Stephen hes an explosive expert, joe bang. Thats like a knife expert named ricky staby. Yeah. Stephen you do an extraordinary kind of appalachian accent in this movie. Extraordinary, yes. Stephen it was very good. It was i know youre from the south so i was very nervous about coming on here and you judging me. Stephen no, not at all. We have a clip here. Lets let the audience judge. Youre in the back of a car i think im in the back of the car, adam driver is in the front, and im taking my clothes off. Stephen another jim. Gunning for 100 in the neonly blue car that probably aint even on the market yet. Dont you tnk youre asking for to be pulled over . Sundown, a holiday weekend, Police Department hit by budget carts. Theres only one pacontrol car for 40 miles. Thats still one musker. Its been handled. Nelly. Im about to get naked. Back here. So no peekin. I said no peekin . Would you give me my arm, please . Is it this one . cheers and applause stephen you got it down. You got it down. You think . Stephen i think so. I mean, the key word in that sentence is necked. You get necked. Did you pick up any phrases, like southern phrases that you hadnt heard before . Do you know this one bleep . Stephen grin bleep . Yes. Stephen ive met anthony scaramucci, but. cheers and applause yeah. Yeah. What does that mean . I can imagine i think it kind of means you pay someone a expliment compliment and sort of twist the knife in at the end. Stephen oh, okay, okay. I know that. Like kind of a hostile friendliness. A hostile friendliness. Stephen like, you know what . Ill pray for you. Its exactly that. You put it in a nicer way. Stephen ill pray for you. Bless your heart. Thats exactly what it is. Stephen that usually means, youre the dumbest bleep ive ever met. Okay. Now, okay, this is theres one other thing i want to point out here. Id like to know how this came about . This is this is for those iso dont know. Th in the force awakens where shes being held captive before shes interrogated, thats you as theselyouan tell its you. How did this happen . I slept with j. J. Abram s. Stephen you slept with j. J. Abe racks . Well part i star, tidi an get wars. And you did . Stephen he is a very inventive lover. Some people say he makes love too much like spielberg, but i think hes very original. I think thats true. He si agree. I wish that star wars most have been shot at pine wood now stephen in england. In england where we shoot the bonds. Most of the crew on that were working on the bond, which was straight afterwards, im going to get him into trouble, ben dickson, second a. D. , who i have known and worked with for a long time and he was my liaison on set, and he was working on star wars and i had meetings and said. How is it going . Its fantastic. Its wonderful. J. J. Is amazing. Its going to be great. And i said, can i be in it . And he sort of went, are you serious . Yeah, im serious. And he went to j. J. And he said, were shooting a stormtrooper scene this weekend. Do you want to do it . Stephen wow, wow. There he is. Arent you a little short to be a stormtrooper . O i hate you so much. laughter you be, you give with one end and the take with the other Stephen Lovely to see you again. Listen, so is this the last bond . You can tell me if youre going to do the one after that . I think this is it. I think this is it. I just want to go out on a high note and i cant wait. Stephen how you just asked to be in this movie and in it, can i be the next bond . cheers and applause can you hook that up . Done. Its done. Logan lucky is in theaters this friday. Daniel craig, everybody. Well be right back with Tiffany Haddish. Thanks, man. Vegetarian. Except for every ladies night. Only glad has forceflex to prevent rips, leaks, and punctures. So whatever you throw in the bag. Stays in the bag. Be happy, its glad. What bad back . Gels work so fast youll ask what pulled hammy . Advil liqui gels make pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Advil. Cameras. Introducing the newly redesigned gla suv. At a price thatll make you feel like youve gotten away with something. The 2018 gla. Lease the gla250 for 359 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. How was your vacation . Hey, guys, whats this tomato doing at randys desk . [all coworkers laugh] hahahahaha. You know, that actually reminds me, steve. I got you something. Aloha mangoes can get sunburned. Put some flavor in your break with new snapple mango tea make time for snapple. When you you act fast. Er, boo. So do we. Raid kills roaches seven times faster than the next leading ant and roach spray. Seven times faster . gasps raid get raid and get tough on roaches fast. Sc johnson. [ gasps, laughs ] you ever feel like. Cliche foil characters scheming against a top insurer for no reason . Nah. So, why dont we like flo . She has the name your price tool, and we want it. But why . Why dont we actually do any work . Why do you only own one suit . Its just the way it is, underdeveloped office character. Youre right. Thanks, bill. No, youre bill. Im tom. You know what . No one cares. cheers and applause stephen beethoven . Jon no, mozart. Stephen mozart. That was mozart on meth. Folks, my next guest is the scenestealing breakout star of girls trip, and is one of varietys 10 comics to watch for 2017. Please welcome Tiffany Haddish. applause teph wow wow. applause amazing. I was going to try to dance this out. Stephen no, that was perfect. Daniel craig did the same thing when he came out here. laughter well, im not surprised youre dancing. You should be very excited. What a summer. It has been a really awesome summer. Stephen youre the breakout star of girls trip. Like i got out of jail or something. Stephen and you got your first comedy special coming up on. Friday, the 18th. Stephen friday, 18th. The august. Stephen on . Showtime. You didnt know that . Stephen it says showtime. I want you to be able to say it. You wanted me to say it. I wanted you to say it like youre my spokesperson. Stephen you have a comedy special coming up on the 18th on showtime. I do. Its call Tiffany Haddish. She ready from hood to the hollywood. Stephen you also were in a jayz music video. I can show the people . Whats going on here. We did a reenactment of friends. And any chance i get to play a white woman, i am there, you know. Stephen who are you . Which one are you here . Im phoebe. Im phoebe on there. See, im a white woman on paper. Ive been a white woman for the last, like, five, 10 years now. Stephen wait, holon a second. Because im white in almost every way. What do you mean white on paper . Thats beyond me. Seven years ago, the census came around, and they showed up to my house and they asked me what my nationality was because they were counting to see how many black people were in the neighborhood. And i was like, what do you mean . Im american. He was like, no, whats your race . I said, so are we doing that today, bringing racism right to my front door on this day. What are you color blind . And he said, yes. And i said, this is my chance. And i had a whole conversation, like girl this is your chance. Atwho chance . Obama said its time for change. You can be whatever you want to be today. And i said youre right i can be whatever i want to be. And i looked at him and said im caucasian becae i got a car and i know a lot of asians, so i just put that together. And i was caucasian. And he said okay and been c fantastic. Stephen okay, he checked the box on the census thing. Yeah. Stephen howas that affected your life, though . Oh, my h goodness, a few days later, my credit score went up by 300 points. laughter applause i got i got a black card. I got a mexican housekeeper now. Life has been really awesome ive been booking all these tv roles because of affirmative action. They need white women to play black women. So thats me stephen congratulations. Many comedians have to struggle. They talk about the struggle they had when theyre starting off. Right. Stephen you had an extraordinary level of struggle. You understand how long ago were you doing gigs homeless . Yeah, i was living in my geo metro, twodoor hatched back. Stephen how long are we talking . This was 2004, and 2003. I was very homeless, and i was the type of chick they didnt want anybody like, im very pridefulful. So i didnt want anybody to know i was homeless so i kept my nails done, and my hair done, and had my suitcases in the car and i would cover them up in with blankets. And i was at the laugh factory and kevin hart was there and he was like, yo,ative, what is ca . Do you live in there or something . I said, im between houses. Leave me alone. He was like, where are you sleeping . I said,ing, beverly hills. I park on the streets on beverly hills. He said, youre sleeping in your car . Youre awe beautiful woman. You could be with any man. I said, look, i sleep with people to heel them, not for a roof over my head. Because i got magical powers. This is this is, you know, where life comes from. It heels. And so, he had a long conversation with me, he hay long conversation with me stephen i think i have a Tiffany Haddish problem now. Wow, youre amazing. You healing . You need a healing. Stephen no, im good. Im all healed. Youre amazing. Please go on. So he we had a conversation and he said, tiffany, you shouldnt be sleeping in your car. Here is 300, get yourself a hotel room for a week. I was like, for a week in los angeles . Not going to happen. But he gave me the money and said, make a list. Make a list of goals of what you want for your life. Make a list and when youre sitting in that room figure out how to tackle that. I got me aist room at the l snoy fox. It was by the hour, and i got myself three hours worth of room. I took a shower and started writing out my list. And i wrote i want to get my own place one day, work with jada pinkett smith, and sit across from you one day and you googly eye me like that. I also wrote on that list i also wrote that yes i also wrote that, you know, brad pitt would starsk auinchgem where im like, look, brad, im busy pep i cant. Stephen hes free now. Hes free now. I know, i know he was free then, and now hes free now. Well, he was in a mix anyway. Also, also, i wrote on there thatiment to get pregnant by leonar dicaprio. Stephen uhhuh. And ill have my a big, old house and that i get my own two streets. I want my own two streets. Like that intersect. One called tiffany, and one called haddish and ill start youth Center Centers and peoplee like, where you learn how to do that . I learned that on tiffany and haddish. Stephen thats beautiful. Congratulations. What a joy just to sit next to you. Well, you know its even more of a joy if you get to know me better. cheers and applause stephen please read the name of your special . Its called she ready from the hood to hollywood . Its on showtime on friday, starring Tiffany Haddish. Everybody, well be right back with the performance from blackberry smoke ready, ok when we say study you say haul study haul everything you need to ready, set, go back to school. Hello moto. 21 liftoff. Phone. Projector. Make out party. Buy the new moto z with shattershield, and youll get a free projector mod. Take an extra 20 kohls off your purchase. Sale get the gear. Win the school year. Graphic tees are 10. 39. Young mens baseball tees are also only 10. 39 and juniors plaid wovens are 11. 99 plus get kohls cash too. Game on. Kohls. The world is full of surprising moments. Theyre everywhere. And as a Marriott Rewards member, i can embrace them all. Experience more as a member. In over 110 countries. So no matter where you go, youre here. My namspecialist for pg e. Blic y my job is to heleducate our fiynrst srespthi de hrsn on how to deal with natural gas and electric emergencies. Everyday when we go to work we want everyone to work safely and come home safely. I live right here in auburn, i absolutely love this community. Once i moved here i didnt want to live anywhere else. I love that people in this community are willing to come together to make a difference for other peoples lives. Together, were building a better california. Waiting for the thunder from their album like an arrow, please welcome blackberry smoke light the fuse and run now brother cause you aint got a lot of time dont you act surprised when it all goes to hell on your dime maybe you can stand tall enough to look the devil eye to eye but you better make your getaway quick so you dont have to answer why the bells will ringes will fly 2,000 years of fury in the big black sky the wind will roll and the rain will fall are we waiting for the thunder . Waitin for the thunder all the money and the war and religion and the which one do you serve . Maybe them with the power and the glory got more an they deserve why do we stand by and do nothin while they piss it all away . And we hope we wake up in the mornin to the light of a brand new day the bells will ring and the flames will fly 2,000 years of fury in the big black sky the wind will roll and the rain will fall are we waiting for the thunder . Will the lightnin get us all . The bells will ring and the flames will fly 2,000 years of fury in the big black sky and the rain will fallng forh . Waitin for the thunder waitin for the thunder waitin for the thunder stephen hey, thanks, man. That was beautiful, man. Late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be ellie kemper, andrew dice clay, and peter serafinowicz. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, Linmanuel Miranda and nikolaj costerwaldau. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show announcer ladies and gentlemen, all the way from where you think he migh