Brightlycolored promo for the cleveland show. Hey, yall, its the cleveland show stewie huh. Thats weird. Black guys usually dont promote themselves. [ male announcer ] getting a complete meal on the table under 10 bucks . Now thats smart. The new kfc 9. 99 6piece deal. 6 pieces of chicken. 3 biscuits, and one large side just 9. 99 today tastes so good. Just 9. 99 come on, stewie, can you fix that damn thing or not . Well, its not broken, brian. It operates according to the laws of physics, but were outside the spacetime continuum, so there are no laws of physics watch. How the helld you do that . No laws of physics, brian. We create our own physics. See, watch this. snaps fingers bumbah, duhduh, bumbah, duhduh bumbah, duhduh, bumbah, duhduh. Heart and soul bumbah, duhduh, bumbah, duhduh i fell in love with you bumbah, duhduh, bumbah, duhduh heart and soul bumbah, duhduh, bumbah, duhduh the way a fool would do bumbah, duhduh, bumbah, duhduh madly bumbah, duhduh, bumbah, duhduh because you held me tight bumbah, duhduh, bumbah, duhduh and stole a kiss in the night bumbah, duhduh, bumbah. chuckles did i tell you . Yeah, that was good. We were good. Yeah, ththats why it sucks that were alone here. Because ififif there were people here, they would say, that was good. You guys should do that more. Oh, yeah, they totally would, but looklook, i still want to go home, stewie. How do we get outta here . Well, if i overload the return pads reactor, it might release enough energy to blow us back into the universe, but its too risky. But it could get us home . Well, maybe, but itll break my thing. And if i overload that reactor, we could both die. Well, you at least have to try. And if you dont, i am gonna spend the rest of eternity chuckling at a joke that i am not gonna share with you. chuckles oh, oh, man. What . Whats the joke . laughs oh, yes what . What is it . laughs youyou cant say that but it got said whawhat what . by who . all right, fine, fine ill try it, you bastard now, step onto the return pad. Now brace yourself. Hopefully, the explosion will propel us into reality. beep, whirring, electricity buzzing electricity buzzing, crackling we made it. Yeah, we made it. Okay, now tell me the joke. Oh, its nothing really. Its just this bit about a planned parenthood clinic on halloween. Next. Brian, i am about to show you something thats gonna blow your mind do you know what the Big Bang Theory is . Yeah, the theory that the universe started with a massive outward explosion from a singularity of infinite mass and infinite density. Check out the big brain on brian good. Now, take a look. Stewie the universes cosmic background radiation, a kind of echo of the big bang, precisely matches the Energy Spectrum of my return pad well, what does that mean . It means my return pads explosion was the big bang. But the big bang happened, like, billions of years ago. No, no we were outside the spacetime continuum. Time and space didnt exist until my explosion. Which means i created the universe, brian. That doesnt make any sense. You were born in the universe. How could you create it . Its called a temporal causality loop. The universe created me, so i could create it, so it could create me and so on. Thats. Thats the most incredible thing ive ever heard. So, wait, thatthat means that. I kinda created the universe, too. wry laugh no, no, no, no. Youre, youre sort of the Art Garfunkel of the universe. Well, im off to the Farmers Market. Ive gotta pick up some plutonium for a new return pad. In case i decide to make another universe later. Plutonium at the Farmers Market . Yeah, im only using organic plutonium now. Think globally buy locally. Hey, slut, get me out of this. crowd murmuring hello there, yusuf. Hey, stewie what can i get you . Oh, just a little of the good stuff for a new time machine return pad. Coming right up. So, hows the whole terrorism thing goin . Well, the good news is my son died in a car bombing. The bad news is he borrowed my car laughs oh, god oh, thats the other reason i come here. Okay, so here is your plutonium. I hope you kill my bitch wife with it. Whoa, whoa. Wheres that comin from . Eh, im just a little upset because she left me. I guess she didnt know what jihad. Come on oh, sorry so. Stewie griffin invented a time machine. gasps bertram hello, stewie. You dont realize it yet, but your life is about to cease to exist. What are you talking about . I am going to kill one of your ancestors, effectively erasing you from history here play with this at least you can spend your final moments doing something you enjoy. You know, its funny, i had actually stopped playing with that toy, but now that i see you with it, i kinda want to play with it again. giddy laughter look at me im mowing the lawn giddy laughter time machine hatch shuts what the hells all that noise . Brian, it was bertram hes gone into the past, and he claims hes going to. gasps stewie, whats going on . whooshing gasps peter, what was that . whooshing quick, brian, into the time machine stewie, what the hell was that . those were ripples in time, brian, emanating from some point in the past. And theres only one explanation. Bertram told me he planned to kill one of my ancestors. He must have succeeded, thereby changing the past and erasing. Me. But what has that got to do with. . I created the universe, Brian Bertram didnt know that by removing me from history, i wouldnt be there to be accidentally thrown outside the universe and subsequently create it. So the universe never existed well, we have to stop him yes. Unfortunately, bertram took the return pad with him, so well only get one shot at this. Ah, here it is. Now well have to travel back in time to a point shortly before bertrams arrival. Get ready, brian. How long until bertram arrives . I cant be certain, but id say about 15 minutes. Where do you think we are . I dont know. Looks like. The renaissance. It does. This doesnt count as our trip to italy. Brian, look theres the mona lisa. And its unfinished we must be in Leonardo Da Vincis studio footsteps quick someones coming gasps that must be Leonardo Da Vinci stewie, he looks just like you da vinci must be my ancestor. Good lord thats who bertrams here to kill so that means youre italian. Of course my love for spaghettios and smoking on the toilet. It all makes sense. Ew. Well be right back with more. Bertram had to go back enough generations to make sure he was snuffing out the ancestral source of my genius without affecting his own. And apparently, its Leonardo Da Vinci. Well, weve gotta stop bertram. What are we gonna do . Dont worry, brian, ill come up with something. Remember, im a genius. Like thomas edison. Thomas, what are you doing . experimenting. Brian, look whirring, buzzing mama mia what is thisa . Leonardo Da Vinci, i presume. Who are youa, littlea lisping baby . Your assassin, you overrated caricaturist gasps stewie thats my name, dont wear it out. laughs see, thats brandnew to him. creaking ey ey youre about to be yesterdays hopscotch chalk on a sidewalk, stewie erased yeah, no, ii got the metaphor, but, bertram, if you erase me, youll destroy the universe what are you talking about . Listen to him, bertram its true brian and i were trapped outside the spacetime continuum and the only way for us to get back was to overload my old return pad the resulting explosion was the big bang so if you kill me, youre killing yourself and Everything Else that ever existed or will exist worth it groans you fool grunts hey, bertram, whats your favorite kind of bottled water . Huh . Mines arrowhead. groans my god, hes really dead. This is it. Yeah. But why hasnt the universe ceased to exist . I dont know. Unless. Theres still a chance of me being born. But da vinci is dead. Yes, but were still here. So i must have done, or will do, something that will save the universe. If i can just figure out what that is. sniffs oh bertram just voided his bowels. Thats it the genetic material needed for my creation is inside me. So ill take da vincis place and pass it on. Wait, how did you get that from bowels . Huh . Im just wondering how you got that from. You know what . I dont care. Will that work, though . You taking da vincis place . Only one way to find out. All right, im going to send you back five minutes after we disappeared in the time machine. If all goes well, the universe should be intact this time. Good luck, old friend. Hopefully, ill be leaving you a future to return to. Im gonna miss you, stewie. Good luck. You did it, stewie. You did it. sighs knocking on door uh. Can i help you . italian accent are you Brian Griffin . Yes. Ima from the vatican, and this is for you. What is it . The vatican has been holding this note for you for about 500 years. It was left to us by Leonardo Da Vinci himself, with instructions that it be delivered to you on this exacta date at this exacta time. Stewie dear brian, its been a week since you left, and im pretty sure ive set things right. So ive built a cryogenic stasis device, and am placing myself inside it, leaving instructions for it to be buried in very specific coordinates in what will be future quahog. If everything goes according to plan, i will have spent the next 500 years buried beneath our basement. Oh, my god clears throat a tip isa customary clunk stewie whoosh stewie stewie, you okay . highpitched voice you gotta kiss him to wake him up. What . Im not gonna kiss you. Stewie cant hear you. Hes not awake. Only a kiss will wake him up. Well, i better get meg. Oh, oh, oh, where am i . Wha. . Stewie, what the hell happened . oh, well, shortly after you left, da vincis girlfriend showed up, so i injected her with my dna. You had sex . No, i put my dna inside her. Right. You had sex. No, what are you not getting . I put a sample of my dna in a syringe and i injected her on the staircase, the couch and the balcony. Well, whatever the case, thank god. Yeah, i know. Oh, hey, i brought you something from da vincis workshop. A candle . I can get a candle now. You couldnt have grabbed me one of his original notebooks . You know, i didnt have to bring you back anything. Its almost like you didnt. Closed captioning for family guy is brought to you in part by. [ emerson ] thats me, emerson stone, leaving my phone, keys and gum behind when i needed them the most. That is until i came up with this reminder. Phone, keys, gum, check phone, keys, gum, check phone, keys, gum, check remind yourself at phonekeysgum. Com. [knock] no one was at home, but on the Kitchen Table sat three insurance policies. The first had lots of coverage. The second, only a little. But the third was. Just right bear hi yeah, we love visitors. Thats why we moved to a secluded house in the middle of the wilderness. Just the right coverage at just the right price. Coverage checker from progressive