Bite your tongue, katherine. It was never proven. Oh, come on, george. She was caught with 500 marked cards and an o56 in her pantyhose. Circumstantial evidence. Thank you, f. Lee zorba. Crazy fox to red dragon. Hang on, davey. Im just gathering supplies. Over. Bill and cassie are gonna be up any minute. We got to hurry. Oops. Then id better hurry. As soon as the game starts, just like my friends raymond seltzer and bob hope. No relation. And for your information, young man, i dont happen to be yelling. Its bill that yells. I merely emphasize my point. Loudly. Very loudly. Well, im a sportscaster, all right . I have a natural resonance to my voice. A certain timbre, a trill. [ clears throat ] uh, would you take that dill havarti and the pheasant p . T . In the other room, please . Dill havarti. Yeah. Katherine, why do we have dill havarti . And what the heck is it anyway . Well, think of it as exotic american slices and move on. Yeah . Well, id like to think of good oldfashioned american peppermint patties. Can i have some of that . No. Why . The peppermint patties are mine and daveys for our campout in the tree house tonight. Yeah, but i love them. Just give me a couple of them. Dont be so no. Will you please hand me the cheese balls . He gets the cheese balls, too, huh . You bet. Okay. I have the sandwich cookies, vanilla fruit bars, and the chocolate cherries. We get special treats cause no school tomorrow. Chocolate cherries . He gets chocolate cherries. I dont have any school tomorrow. [ chuckles ] sorry, george. Me and davey are the only two guys allowed in the tree house tonight. But thats not fair. I helped build that tree house. I laid the linoleum. I know, but tonight its just me and davey. Its part of our best friends oath. Give me that. I think youre being quite childish. He is a child. Oh, and im not . Red dragon to crazy fox. Red dragon to crazy fox. Over. This is crazy fox. Hi, davey. Over. Hi, webster. Can i ask why youre using walkietalkies right here in the kitchen when youre standing beside each other less than two feet apart . Maam, can we play or what . Sure oh, im so glad that we got you those walkietalkies, cause now you can walkie and talkie. Of course, it doesnt work if youre standing still and talking. Oh. Coming george, try not to be too competitive tonight. Katherine, im surprised at you. Im not the one thats competitive. Its bill. Im a im a mellow fellow. Im a im a hammock swaying in the breeze. Of course, if he gets in the way of my hammock. [ chuckles ] may the games begin. Well, george . Im thinking, okay . Im thinking. Broccoli puff . No, thanks. But i will have a deviled egg and a cocktail knish. Come on, george. You have two seconds, and then its old beulah the buzzer. One, two. Wah times up. Ponce de le . N and johnny mathis. Thats ridiculous, darling. Shes right. Were right, katherine but too late. What do you mean, too late . Come on. Youre cheating. Were too late . I quit. S. You should be good at this game. Listen, if you boys cant get along, why dont we just call this evening off . No. No, no, no, no. No way. Not with this gem of a question. Come here. [ laughs ] there is no trivia question i cannot answer. Thats right. My bill is quite a trivial person. Oh. Sorry. Well, george, are you gonna ask the question or not . Okay, katherine. Heres where were gonna rack it up. Oh, look. Its 8 30. Will you go check on the kids and let me ask the question . No, darling. I want to be here when he blows it. Well . History. [ chuckles ] bills best subject. [ chuckles ] who. Was the last to sit on the Peacock Throne . [ laughs ] give me a moment here, okay . [ laughs ] we got him, katherine. I want everyone here when he loses. Shah Mohammad Reza pahlavi. [ cassie, bill laughing ] am i right or am i right . Spell it. This game doesnt call for spelling. Ohhohohoho. He cant spell it, katherine. He cant spell it. Thats it. No, no, no, no, no. Im gonna check on the kids. The other kids. He cant spell it. Ill heat up the knishes. Spell it. What do you mean, spell it . [ chuckles ] webster knockknock. Davey whos there . Banana. Banana who . Knock, knock. Whos there . Banana. Web. Come on. Banana who . Knock, knock. Whos there . Orange. Orange who . Orange you glad i didnt say banana . Boy, thats an old one. Yeah, but it still cracks me up. Yeah. Yeah. s it we can become the granola cola bowler brothers. [ laughs ] you crack me up, web. Yeah. I do that, dont i . Thats what best friends do. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, and best friends tell each other everything so theyll know everything. Yeah. Yeah. Web, can i tell you something . [ creaking ] sure. Did you hear that . Yeah. Maam. Why are you watering the shrubs so late at night . Im, uh, watering because, uh, the shrubs need water. But the cans empty. I dont want to drown the suckers. Yeah. Sure. Right. Well, you need anything up there . Blankets, food, oxygen . [ sighs ] mothers. I guess they just cant help it. Yeah. Yeah. You having a good time, too, davey . [ muttering ] ii beg your pardon . Mmhmm. He cant talk now. His mouth is full of cheddar balls. Oh, but he looks lonely. Yeah. Hes been marooned in outer space for a year. And i just rescued him and brought him back to our moon base. Wow. Well, no wonder hes so hungry. Ohh. I remember camping out in my own tree house. Maam . The cook would make these little niblets duck . Lorange, veal piccata, frogs legs provencale. Maam . I know. I wax poetic. Whats a wax poetic . Well, davey, its when its okay, maam. Ill ill explain it to him later. Maam, were just pretending. She always talks like that. Cassie okay, george. The question is what products secret formula is 7x . 7x . Yeah. 7x what . Bill [ laughing ] shh that is so easy. Ii cant believe it. Billy, stop heckling. My bill is such a heckler. Vaseline. [ laughs ] cocacola. 7x is cocacola . Youre cheating. Oh, yeah . Look at the card. I couldve sworn it was vaseline. Give me back my card. . Nanny nanny nana . Oh, boys, youre behaving like children. Oh, okay. Oh, no. The children are actually behaving very well. These boys could take lessons from the ones outside. Maam, he threw a marshmallow at me what . Yeah . Well, you hit me first. Did not did too did not did too boys, please. Mrs. Papadapolis, hes being mean. Its my tree house, and i can do whatever i want. George come on. And i dont want him in it anymore. Go home, davey. Youre not my best friend anymore. Web. Katherine what and i never want to see you again. Webster then you never will good davey hey webster davey nobody leave. Davey oh, webster. How could you just come in and interrupt this game . Ill take you home mean to. Well, you did. And then you talked to david like that. How could you be so rude to your friend . Hes not my friend. I dont have any friends. And you know what . I dont care webster. Oh, well, i understand. If you have to tinkle, ill talk faster. Would you ask your mother to call me when she gets home . Thank you. Well . Oh, mrs. Wilson wasnt home, but davey had a message for webster. Which was . Pbht thats funny. You know, thats exactly what webster had to say about davey, only he stuck out his tongue when he went pbht i wish one of those kids would tell us what happened last night. About the fight . Oh, come on, katherine. Kids dont hold grudges. You know, theyre like little slinkies. You know, they they bounce back. You know, Badabing Badaboom. Pbht doesnt sound like Badabing Badaboom to me. Thats because you dont know kid language like i do, darling. Believe me, this mind thinks like a child. Nah, im not gonna touch that one. Kid . I was an extremely wellliked, beautifully behaved child. Except i did clobber marianne mcgillicuddy in the third grade with my book bag. Hmm. Why . Well, why . She deserved it. She accused me of buying my School Uniform wholesale. And you were certainly justified. I hope you hit that little hussy with your charge plate. Hi, guys. Hey, hows it going . Oh, i know why youre rushing down here. Youre rushing right over to that phone to call your friend davey up, arent you . Huh . [ chuckles ] what friend davey . I know you didnt want to talk about it last night, and that was fine with us, but we got to talk about it today. What happened out there . Honey, a friendship is just too important to lose over one silly little fight. Things over, and they work things out. Well, im not gonna work anything out with dumb old whateverhisnameis wilson. I dont like him. I told him that yesterday. And ill tell him the same thing today. Come on. Wait a minute now. I mean, you brought the kid over here, you gave him your best cheese balls, and then you kicked him out. And i think you owe him an apology. Come on. Why . You get mad at bill every game night, and you dont apologize. Well, yes, but but george and bill are adults. Its different. Why . Well, its. Symbiotic. Its its platonic. Its, uh, patriotic. I dont know why. It just is. Well, i dont care. Im not gonna apologize to youknowwho. Not ever, ever, ever. Ill do it. Weweb, cass and bill are here webster ill be down in a minute, george hell be down in a minute. George, i want you to know i think what youre doing is wonderful. Oh, thanks, cass. You know, im just trying to show, uh, web that its okay, you know, to apologize to a friend. Takes a big man, george. Now, when we get to the actual apology, where do you want me . Here okay . Yeah, thats thats fine. It really doesnt matter. I think he should look compassionate. Dont you think he should look compassionate . Compassionates nice. No. The, uh, first stage should be stern. Ill let the compassion creep in as georges groveling becomes more pitiful. [ whispering ] good point. George has asked me to remind you that at one point in his life, he was paid to hurt people. And he liked it. He loved it. Hey, i was just kidding. [ chuckles ] i wouldnt mess you up, big fella. No, this is for the kid. Hi, guys. Whats up . Hey. Well, you know, you made me realize something the other day. I did . Yeah. And i want you to see me realize what you made me realize. Huh . Dont ask him to repeat that. Ive been thinking about what you said about bill the other day, and i do owe him an apology. Oh, boy. This is gonna be fun. Were very proud of you, george. Okay. Im gonna do it now. Bill, i, uh, i just want i want you to know that i, uh. I want to apologize for doubting your veracity. Whats budacity . You usually call him a cheater. Well no, no, no. The kid is actually right. You do call me a cheater. Fine. Okay. Well, all right. Fine. Fine. Okay. Bill, i want to apologize for calling you a cheater. [ clears throat ] thats all right. Now, you get on the phone and call davey. Wait a minute, george. What about the time you called him a pea brain, a boob, and a knucklehead . He called you that . Yes. Yes, he did. You see, cass, he doesnt want to apologize. Okay. I want to apologize for calling you a pea brain. [ muffled ]. A boob, and a knucklehead. [ telephone ringing ] what . You heard me. No, i didnt. I said i was sorry i heard that. I think we all heard that. Now, if youd like to apologize for having called me a fan dancer. [ thudding ] [ ringing continues ] bill this is an apology . George fan dancer, fan dancer. Hello . Oh, mrs. Wilson. Fan dancer, fan dancer, fan dancer. Thats daveys mother . Uhhuh. Im not home. Im going up to my room. And im not coming out until davey leaves chicago. George very funny. Cassie now, george, dont get offended. Hes okay. [ indistinct arguing ] oh, dont be ridiculous. No, no. I love you in that. Um, can i call you back . George fan dancer, fan dancer. Bill no apology is necessary in your department. Hello . Hi. George fan dancer has nothing to do with it. I just found out why webster and davey have been fighting. Boy, isnt this great . Donating books to the library. Boy, are we terrific. What a family we are. Katherine mmhmm. George, you were apologizing to bill so id apologize to davey, right . You got it. Well, forget it. I dont have any apologies in me. Davey says things he doesnt mean. No matter what he says, he pushed me first. I dont think were talking about pushing. I think were talking about two boys who really like each other very much. Oh, yeah . Mmhmm. If he likes me so much, then why is he moving away next week . Youre gonna miss him a lot, arent you . s the use of having friends anyway . As soon as you break them in, theyre gone. They move someplace different and make new friends and forget all about you. Just cause hes moving away doesnt mean you two cant be friends. Are you kidding . Do you know how far away florida is . Yeah. Of course. I mean, if you think youre gonna walk there or take a bike, its quite a way. But i mean, all you have to do is pick up the itsybitsy phonesywonesy, and biddybing biddyboom, yeah. [ scraping ] here we are, forever and ever. D. W. And w. L. P. Yeah. Yeah. And youll never erase me . Never. So, when do you have to leave . Tuesday. I hate tuesdays. Davey, i kind of got you something for a goingaway gift. What am i gonna do with a fur hat and earflaps in florida . Guys, can i play one round . I made up my own cards and everything. Web, this games for grownups. Oh, whats the matter, billy boy . You afraid of a little competition from an intelligent kid . Come on, sweetheart. Ill play. What are the categories . Frogs, gum, my windup toys. Mmhmm. And mud. Mud . How many questions can there be about mud . If you have to ask, its not your category. Maam, pick a color. Um, i like green. Thats frogs. Oh. What do you get when you cross superman and a bullfrog . What . What . I dont know, but when it leaps tall buildings, woman . Set in my ways . Losing track of the days . . Never getting caught up . . Love was never brought up . . Its not the thing to do . Both . Ooh . It was you . Then came you . You made me leap without taking a look . . Never thought forever was the best i could do . . Then came you . It was you and me and you . . Then came you . It was you and me and you . . Hey . That old rare roast beefs got me in its spell . But if catherine doesnt get home too soon . Its gonna be done too well . Those spuds are poppin . Those peas look great . Champ, do you have the salad for the . Salad plate . . Salad plate, hey, salad george, could you stop singing . Im hungry and wheres maam anyway . . And wheres maam anyway she promised me shed be home hours ago to help me with my skit for school. I told ya if ya need someone with the skit for school to call me doctor showbiz whos vic immature . Hes an actor with a very fine, healthy head of hair. audience laughs hello, hello, hello its about time. Yeah, were starved, where were you . Did you buy me a turtle . Da dum wow, thanks, maam i been tied up with professor flugel down at city hall. What do you think i should name him . Professor flugel . Nah, too formal. Guess whos been watching the news a lot. So, whos this professor flugel . I met him in the Mayors Office and he is most brilliant man i have ever met in my life. He speaks six languages, he plays concert violin, and he makes his own cheese, youre gonna love him. Can we love him after we eat . Sure, certainly you know, the best thing about the professor . Whats social thought . Obviously, its a course on how to be thoughtful in social situations. Like, for instance, should the turtle tops and bronskis sit at the same table . Youre kidding . Yes, he is. Social thought deals with the. The big ideas in civilization. Its philosophical, its metaphysical. giggling and its also very funny its funny . Well, i mean i havent started the course, not til tomorrow, but bob was saying. Bob . Bob who . Flugel, robert byron flugel, my professor. Anyway, at lunch, and we were talking. [george] wait a minute, wait a minute, you had lunch with your professor before you even had a class . It was a nothing lunch, i dont even remember his name. Can i have some flagel . Could you. audience laughing pass the. Thats it. I dont know, i still wish maam had time to help me with my skit. I think this is silly. Silly . You happen to be performing a classic, sophisticated allegory reflecting the human condition now, cmon, say your lines. Okay. Somebody been eating my porridge, said the papa bear. audience laughing somebody been eating my porridge, said the mama bear. Somebody been eating my porridge, said the baby bear. And she ate it all. [george] up, all up. Hi guys. Yay, youre home [katherine] yeah. Lets order pizza with everything on it except anchovies i hate anchovies okay. And please tell george not to make me do the three bears. Dont make him do the three bears. Thank you. So, how was your first day in class . Fabulous. Before class professor flugel and i discussed the curriculum over a platter of sea urchin and sushi and things. Oh, the way he uses his chopsticks. And then we went to the geology department, and he let me examine his rocks. You examined his rocks . Briefly, very briefly. Oh, george, i just feel my horizons expanding already. I kinda liked your old horizons, you know. George you cut me to the quick, you arent even listening to a thing im saying i heard every flugel you fluttered, i mean uttered. Oh i cant believe this, you are actually jealous. Im jealous . laughing cmon, katherine, i been accused of a lot of things, but jealous im not, ive never been jealous. Yes, you have, george. You said you were jealous when maam came home from the health club with some guys sweat socks. I said zealous. Jealous zealous [webster] jealous zealous [webster] jealous [katherine] boys. That magnificent hunk that i met at the health club gave me those socks as a gift. I thought it was a lovely gesture. Now, about professor flugel, hes my teacher, and i like my teacher, havent you ever liked your teacher . Yup, second grade, ms. Oliver. Ask her to marry me. I really made a fool of myself over her. Webster, please. Right, ill go organize my hats. So, do you really think that im jealous, katherine . Industrial strength. Well, just to show you how wrong you are, darling, i am going to, get this, i am going to have a little t for me and you, web, and fagel. Thats flugel. Whatever youre on. You know, catherine, this is gonna hard to believe for you, but im kind of excited that the old professors coming to dinner tonight here. Yeah, me too. I never met a fuddy duddy before. Fuddy duddy . Yeah, thats what george called him. Spectacles . Right, and a bald head and hes boring, and he goes rump a lot. chuckling is that how george described professor flugel . I think so, did i leave anything out, george . No, why dont you go set the table . I already did. doorbell rings uh oh, heres bagel thats flagel, flugel. Webster. Ill get it ill get it got it you know, george. I think you might be mistaken about professor flugel. Oh, i know, darling, im just having fun. Exaggerating, im sure hes a very nice, wellpreserved old geezer. Lot of those old Fuddy Duddies are. Professor bob is here. And you must be george . Yes, i often am. Pleasure. Looks like you could use some help. Looks arent everything. audience laughing you did do Extensive Research in childrens literature, didnt you, bob . Now i dont know how extensive it was. I just happened to love reading books for young people. Guess im just a kid at heart. laughing whats so funny . Nothing. Im sorry, i could even bore myself sometimes when i ramble on. Robert, please, theres no way in the world anyone could ever accuse you of being boring. I mean youre an art enthusiast. You like ballet, theater, poetry, literature, the fine art of cigar rolling, i mean you are have in common. loud thump and you are a lovely woman, but im afraid i gonna have to cut this evening short. We understand. We do . My Research Assistant is out ill, and i have a proposal for a new that im writing thats due tomorrow. Maybe i could help. Thats very nice of you to offer, but i wouldnt dream of taking you away from your family. Nonsense, i find research stimulating and exciting. You dont mind, do ya, honey . Mind . Me mind . Thank you. Youve gotta be you. What a nice guy. But its your turn to tuck me in. Well, ill be home before that. Oh, thank you, darling, it was a wonderful dinner. And i love both of you. George, webster, tonight was terrific. Goodnight goodnight night audience laughs george, are you okay . Huh . Yeah, yeah, sure. Youre not mad that maam went off, are you . No, no, no. Good, cause you dont have to be. You still have me, ya know. Its 2am, it seems like ten. Would you like to come in . Oh, already in no, thank you, i better get to bed. Oh, well, maybe i could help you. You are a very sweet woman. laughs was that funny . Youre a very sweet man. So. So. Its late, i guess we better get some sleep. Goodnight. soft thump audience laughs snoring sighs george, went to see bob. More work on the book. More work on the book. On the book. doorbell rings theres someone at the door. Tell you what . Ill get it. Hi uncle jerry good morning, webster hows your skit coming . Terrible, george wants me to do the three bears, and maam is never home. I know, she decides to take this course in social thought, and suddenly i become her personal lending library. Well, thats a nice turtle. Thanks. Jerry, george is becoming a zombie. I beg your pardon . Can we talk . Always. He isnt himself, i dont know who he is. He doesnt smile a lot lately. Oh, what does katherine say . I dont know, shes always out with professor flugel. But she seems really happy. Hey, maybe george should go out with professor flugel. I dont think thats the answer. Are we gonna do . Tell you what . Ill go talk to george, you know, man to man. Its the only way. What are you gonna say . I dont know. But i am sure itll get me thrown out of a window. soft curious music that piranha she seein is none of your damn business. Huh . Huh . Alright, maybe im out of line. If you dont wanna talk to me, ill go, but if you should change your mind. Te, jerry, its just. Jer, i dont know, shes spending so much time with this guy, flugel, i mean its. Scary . [george] yes, yes cmon, george, shes only known the guy for few days [george] but thats the point, she only knew me for two weeks and we got married, and i wasnt even a professor youre right, youre in big trouble. Youre a real comfort, jer. Why dont you try talking to katherine. No, its too honest. Jer, its my pride. You have anything else in mind . Well, we could try sneaky. I knew youd come through, jer. You do all this research on a perfect car, then smash it into a tree. Your Insurance Company raises your rates. Maybe you shouldve done more research on them. For drivers with accident forgiveness, Liberty Mutual wont raise your rates due to your first accident. And if you do have an accident, our claims centers are available to assist you 24 7. Uote today. Liberty stands with you . I dont think parents should be allowed to dress their kids like this. Well, dont look at me, it was jerrys idea. So, call me a perfectionist, we are doing the three bears what do you wanna wear . Tutus . These are orchestra seats, and the orchestras getting restless well be right there, why wont you have a nice glass of seltzer water . But im so uncomfortable. Webster, you must understand there are times when one must sacrifice for their art. Sacrifice is fine, i just feel ridiculous hows my tail . audience laughs it looks fine to me [katherine] gentlemen, i dont want to alarm you, but im losing my bubbles. Okay, okay. Wait a minute, this is all different from my three bears. I dont even know what im saying anymore. Es, please. I hope you guys know what youre doing. Web, look at me, do i look like i dont know what im doing . audience laughs hi cutie. Hi maam love your pelt. Thanks, ready . Hey, theres no business like show business, so get on with the show hope ya like it. Oh, im sure ill love it. Dont be so sure. By george papadapolis. Once upon a time, there were three bears. A baby bear. laughing and the papa bear. And the mama bear. Who, because of prior commitments, couldnt play with us today. And the baby bear was sad. And the papa bear was mad. Somebodys been sleeping in my bed. And papa bear said, it must be mama, cause she aint been sleepin in mine. laughing youre right, i dont like it. Cmon, darling, this is our little play. Go head, web. And the baby bear said, how come . And the papa said, because its academy yes, im the academic, and it is problemic, nse, and an apple a day for the teacher they say, and to be teachers pet is the best job to get. No, im wrong, i dont not like it, i hate it. Lest ye forget. Baby bear, and papa bear are still your best bet and the mama bear came home, and we put on this show. R would like to have mama bear here. I mean they dont call it the three bears for nothing. clapping would somebody please explain this whole thing to me . Because ill be honest, im losing it. Right, cmon, webster. Why dont we go rethink the three bears for the third grade . Will you please get me out this suit . Of course. Papa bear, i love you. Okay, so i was jealous, so sue me. Ow its my tail. Katherine, im only human, you know . In spite of what i might look like at this particular moment well, im sort of glad you were jealous. A reason really to be jealous . Very little. Almost nothing, certainly not flugel well, i mean, of course. You know, i felt very flattered that he might have been attracted to me. Of course, i was a little attracted to him. Okay, a lot, but the point is that katherine, was opening up. The atmosphere was so charged with ideas and people were thinking. They were thinking, george, not about defective rotisseries and office and money back guarantees, but. Honey, i think i might wanna go back to school. Really . Yeah, ill buy ya a loose leaf binder, three hole. I love it when you talk stationary. Aw, look it papa bear is kissing mama bear. Now i understand what the play was about. No, i dont. audience laughs audience applauds captioning made possible by u. S. Department of education, phillips petroleum, Alcoa Foundation cocacola foundation, rockwell international, and Sony Corporation . What would we do, baby . . Without us . . What would we do, baby . . Without us . . And there aint no nothing . . We cant love each other through . . What would we do, baby . . Without us