Hy you cant see him as he really is, like this. [ ding ] mother but you persist in seeing him like this. [ ding ] youre wrong on both counts. I see him as he really is like this. [ ding ] oh [ ding ] good. [ ding ] i knew youd leave him someday. Leave who . Your husband. See how easy it was . Youve forgotten already. Were going to florida together. Oh, again . Darrin has the week off. His parents picked up tabitha. Theyre gonna look after her. And this time tomorrow, well be sunning ourselves oh, yes, if my memory serves me, youve postponed that beautiful fantasy six times. What makes you think this is the lucky seven . He gave me his word. Nothing short of a catastrophe can delay us now. Darrin, youre just the man who can help us avoid a catastrophe. Larry, i was just on my way out. Just in from pittsburgh darrin stephens. Id like to stay and chat, but i have a plane to catch. Jim dewitt was just taken to the hospital with appendicitis. Send him a box of candy in my name. Ill write him a getwell card from miami. Darrin, its painful for me to have to tell you this. Well, then, for petes sake, dont do it, larry. Im afraid youll have to cancel your plans. You had to do it. Im afraid im the villain, mr. Stephens. But my hands are tied. I have a strict tv deadline for my commercials. I know how hard youve been working. If anybody ever deserved a vacation, its you. Youve given service above and beyond all right. All right. All right, larry. I cant bear having a grown man cry. I wasnt going to cry. I meant me. Thanks, old pal. Ill leave you two together. Do you want me to call samantha . No, ill do it. Just be nice to her at her murder trial. What . After shes killed me. Re taking this. You sounded a little strained over the phone. Oh, i cant stay mad at you for long. Ive forgotten all about it. Well, i have to get back to work. That reminds me, i have some unpacking to do. See you later. [ ding ] i do hate to say, i told you so, samantha. Really . Since when . R up, my sweet. You havent missed much. Its not much fun going to miami with an old sobersides like desmond. You have the wrong idea about darrin. You can only see one side of him. I know he has another. He can be witty and charming and just full of fun. Well, its a pity you cant take the fun side of him and leave the work side at home. Oh, youre a big help. Well, no sense in feeling sorry for myself. Darrin cant go, and that is that. [ ding ] [ ding ] [ ding ] sam samantha g ] fore darrin, is anything the matter . No, honey. Im three feet from the cup. I hear those courses in miami are great. I can hardly wait to play them. Miami . You didnt cancel the tickets, did you . No. No. Not yet. But you said we werent going. All systems are now go, go, go, go fore darrin, what what about the stern chemical account . Why dont you let me take you out of all this . Ill only be a minute, honey. As soon as i find darrin . Darrin, what are you doing in here . Darrin. Samantha, please, i was trying to concentrate. Oh. What are you concentrating on . The stern chemical account. Jim dewitt got sick, and larry asked me if i wouldnt take vent i been through this before . Yes, you certainly have. Then why am i going through it again . Darrin, you just went upstairs to pack. I did . What gave you that idea . I got the idea when you said, im going up to pack. Samantha, this is no time to play games. The agency is relying on me to come up with an effective campaign. Just a minute. Of course. [ gasps ] then you youre mother what did you call me . Darrin, do you feel any different . Different than what . Never mind. You just go ahead and finish your work. Ill take care of my mother. The meddler mother i want to talk to you. Did you find the book you were looking for, darling . No. But i found Something Else. Whats that . My husband. Oh, darling, you cant win them all. At least one of my husbands the other one is upstairs. Now, admit it, mother. You divided darrin. Oh, dont be so upset, samantha. I did it in your best interests. Made it irresistible. I only want one darrin i know exactly what you mean. Its humiliating to look as if youve made the same mistake twice. [ darrin singing ] darrin samantha [ ding ] samantha, who is that singing . The radio upstairs. It is very distracting when youre trying to concentrate. I have a great deal of work to do, you know. Ill turn it off. Thank you. Nice voice, though. Mother [ ding ] oh, come on, samantha. I just wanted to see if you were right about davids two personalities. You were. Good. Now, how about putting him back together . If he works as hard as you say he does, at least half of him deserves a rest. Thats very peculiar logic. Well, thats because its so sensible. Well . Well. Sam, i cant find my swimming trunks it isnt as if you wont be with your husband. Youll simply have the fun side of him. In your closet, bottom shelf listen to him. Hes actually enjoying himself. He does sound happy. Well, half a rest is better than none. I suppose. Will you take him . Now, mother, i havent said that yet. How am i going to explain this to the darrin in the den . Tell him youre coming with me. Well, now, mother, hed never agree to that. Well, why dont you try it . Darling, i think its a wonderful idea. Just because im chained here to my desk you a chance to rest and me a chance to work. You go with your mother and have a good time. Would you say no to a lot more money . [excited scream] you just won a Million Dollars no thanks. Nice balloons, though janet, im giving you an extra weeks vacation oh, ah. Nooo. What . No way. Who says no to more . Time warner cables all about giving you more. Like the most free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. Call now. And dont forget the free tv app. Get ultrafast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. Saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. Free hd channels, 100 meg internet and unlimited calling to half the world. We can call aunt rose as much as we want now. Switching is easy. Get our exclusive 1hour arrival window, a moneyback guarantee with no contract to sign. Plus get free installation, tv equiment and epix included. Really . Honest. No. Now, the Main Objective of the campaign will be to acquaint the average person with the significance of chemicals and particularly stern chemicals upon his everyday life. Oh, thats excellent, darrin, firstrate. Im sure youll find it satisfactory once youve heard the rest of my ideas. I like it now. Look, weve been at this for 16 hours now. I suggest we celebrate our progress by going out to dinner. Larry here, here. Well, we do have a lot more work to do. I think we should call it a day. Look, i dont get to the big city very often. What do you say we cut loose and have some fun . That reminds me. Ive written a small booklet entitled lets have fun with chemicals. Darrin, mr. Stern is hungry. Thank you. Now, this is going to be fun. Now, everybody, all together the last line go . If you knew susie like i know susie . . Oh, what a gal . [ applause ] isnt that terrible . Oh, hes so witty and charming. Isnt he funny . Yeah, hes a laugh a minute. Whoohoohee come on, sam. Lets watusi. I think ill sit this one out, if you dont mind. Youre not gonna poop out on me, are you . Youre a little hard to keep up with, you know. Yeah, i know. Im having a ball. Hey, look, joe is going off the board. Great dive, joe excuse me a minute. Darrin fun, fun, fun. Hey, watch this, everybody darrin darrin, you cant swim [ tinkles ] [ ding ] jumped right into the pool and back again . [ cheers and applause ] thank you, my friends. It was really nothing. S party time everyone up to our room for a party party i feel guilty. I should be back at the office, working. Darrin, will you relax . Youve been like a oneman factory all day. That is another angle to consider. We should make a film about the factory, show the folks at home some of the research youre doing in a fun sort of way, of course. Isnt there some kind of a button you can push , hmm . Larry, you cant really forget about chemistry. Its in the very air we breathe, this salt and pepper shaker, ashtray, table. Fascinating. Yes, it is. Thats why i believe this campaign will work. First of all, we show the public the phenomenon, and then we interest them in your product. Uhhuh. You know, uh, after dinner, id like to go to a couple of nightclubs. Great. They have a marvelous new chorus line at the purple popsicle. Oh, they also have a new comic funny, very different, sort of, uh, lowpressure. Thats exactly my point. What . A lowpressure campaign. Now, while were waiting for our food, why dont i show you some more ideas i have . Darrin, youre kidding. I doubt it. Hes not the kind of a man that kids very much. Its a great party, huh . Uh, yeah. Hey, honey, were all out of champagne. Well, well order another magnum better still, a magni thats two magnums. You just leave it to old dar. Um, darrin. Darrin, at the risk of sounding like a nagging wife, can we afford all this . Well, well just dip into our savings. We cant do that. Hey, youre right. I got a better idea. H your nose and whap up some champagne . You want me to use witchcraft . Why not . I mean, itll be crazy. The gang will love it. Theyll be crazy about it. Theyll get a big kick out of it. But, darrin, you cant tell them im a witch. Why not . Theyll love it, love it, love it. Darrin ill just try to quiet them down while you do it. Darrin hey hey, gang hey, folks [ ding ] where did everyone go . Back to their rooms. But, honey, we were having such fun. Darrin. We have something to tell you. We . Yes. Mother [ ding ] oh, my, looks like quite a party. Hi, endora. Great to see you, baby oh, thank you. Mother, i want the man i married back. I know, but hes charming this way. But this is his best side. Dont you like him this way . I like ice cream, but i dont want to eat it all the time. Uh, girls, you just lost me. Yes, we certainly did. Darrin, will you please sit down, please . Now, i know this may be i realize this may be rather hard for you to understand, but only part of you is here the fun side, without a care in the world. The other half is at home. Okay, ill bite. Whats he doing . Well, i hate to think. But id better find out. [ ding ] thought shed never leave. So much for the tv campaign. Now, let me tell you what i had in mind for the radio spots. This boy reminds me of Horatio Alger a boring Horatio Alger. Darrin. D stern. What are you doing here . Youre supposed to be in miami. Gentlemen, do you mind if i borrow my husband for a moment . Oh, please do. Oh, please do. We have to be going, anyway. Right, sanford . Weve monopolized your time too long. But but sam, we were right in the middle of a business discussion. Arent you glad to see me . Of course i am, but not when im talking business. I have to get them back. Hey [ ding ] wait a minute youre in miami. Who is he . Thats not he, thats you. What are you doing here with my wife . Oh, i knew we shouldnt have invited him. We were having a cool time until he showed up. I thought you were going with your mother. She came with me. Look, youve got some explaining to do, buster think you are . Boys, boys. Will you please tell me who this is . Oh, really, you are dense. Its very simple. This is your other half. Other half . Pleased to meet you. Sam, will you please get to the point . Darrin. Darrin, this is the point. You see, we thought you needed a rest, so we thought wed take your fun side on vacation. Fun side . Hi, work side. Funny about this at all. Absolutely no sense of humor. Mother, will you hurry up and put them back together . Well, it would help if they liked each other a little. Never happen. Mother. Well, separating was easier, you know. But, uh. Putting them back together may be more difficult. Will you please stop talking about me as if i were some doityourself kit . Hey, what a grouch. There is a way to get them back. But im not sure theyd like it. Whats that . Well, they both stand at opposite ends of the room and then run into each other. Hey, sounds like fun. Are you out of your mind . Now, theres no need to be rude to darrin, darrin. After all, hes my husband, too. Im not even sure thats legal. Sam, ive had enough of this nonsense. Darrin, you want to get back to work, right . I certainly do. And you want to go back to the party, right . Okay. First one out the door gets his wish. [ crash ] is he back together again . Yes, dear. Oh, darrin. Darrin, speak to me. Oh, im mad about that outfit. Oh, its nice to see you, sweetheart. Oh, mother, hes back to normal. That, my gal, is a matter of opinion. 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Ive never heard such blatant, sticky sentimentality in my whole life. I never want him to be anyone else. Oh, i think ill leave before i get sick. Ding ] oh, hi, honey. Oh, hi. My, its nice to have you back all of you. Well, youve got all of me for three whole weeks. Larry was so pleased with the work i did, he gave me a vacation. Well, larry is right. You deserve a vacation. The word he used was needed. Anyway, i know where i want to spend it. Where . Right here just the four of us. My work side. Oh, thats the best vacation i ever heard of. [ gasps, giggles ] careful, my husband hasnt left yet. Im not going to fall for that. I happen to know youre crazy about me. It shows, huh . The feelings mutual. And that is one reason why were going to have a celebration tomorrow night. Whats the other reason . As a little surprise for you tomorrow night, but i may as well show it to you now. [ gasps ] a calendar just what ive always wanted. You havent seen the best part yet. A calendar with the days crossed off well, thats even better. Honey, its what those crosses represent that counts. Sam, you havent done any witchcraft for 29 days. You finally noticed. Yeah. Im very proud of you. Not only have you not twitched for 29 days, but we havent seen any of your witchy friends in that time, either no offense. None taken. I got a little head start on that when mother said she was gonna go skin diving for a month. Good. Now, all you have to do is protect your record for Good Behavior for two more days. Ooh. Ill try and keep my nose clean. Ill see you tonight. Oh. [ ding ] samantha, youre still a vision of loveliness. I dont know you. What are you doing in my kitchen . Dont fret, my dear. I have a feeling were gonna make a lovely couple. Just who are you . Ah, my favorite food, chocolate cake. You havent answered my question. Well, actually, theres no reason why you should recognize me. Illiant, but callow. Babysit with you wait a minute. Youre not rodney. The same. I lost my callow. You mean youre that pushy, spoiled, neurotic brat my mother used to force me to look after . Knew you hadnt forgotten me. Fortunately, i matured with my neuroses intact. Thats what makes me so fascinating. Now, look, rodney. I happen to be very busy, so would you mind telling me why youre here . Well, even as an adolescent, i loved you, samantha in a repressed sort of a way, of course. Uh, could i have a little more chocolate cake . Make it yourself. Well thats mean and cruel of you, samantha. Youre only trying to hurt me. Take your chocolate cake and get out [ ding ] good. [ ding ] why dont you come away with me . If i tell you, will you leave . Perhaps. I think youre obnoxious. Mplex relationships. Rodney, dont you understand . Im married. Im above convention. And i have a baby. No, thats out of the question. Well put it up for adoption. Rodney, if you dont go away, ill tell your mother on you. You dont know where she is. Do you . Ill tell her youve been misbehaving, rodney. [ ding ] well. Whew darrin honey, we have a visitor. Who . Come and see. Oh [ laughs ] i found him outside. He just wouldnt leave. Oh, darrin, hes marvelous. Oh, hes so cute. I wonder who he belongs to. Well, i dont know. He doesnt have any tag or i guess well have to take out an ad in the lostandfound column. You sound reluctant. Well, honey, if nobody claims him, would you mind if we kept him . Darrin, i thought you wanted to wait till we got a bigger place before we got a dog. Well, i did, but im crazy about his personality. Lets keep our fingers crossed that nobody claims him. How would you like to fix me a drink while i go upstairs and fiddle with my papers . Oh, what are wives for . Thank you. Now, you stay right here and get to know my wife. Youll be crazy about her. [ glass breaks ] [ gasps ] oh, i just fixed that cake for tomorrow night rodney thats you, isnt it . [ ding ] now, just what are you doing here . Oh, samantha, my love for you is not warped and selfish. And if i think hes worthy of you, ill leave by tomorrow morning, believe me. If you dont leave right now, im going to tell darrin who you are. No, you wont you dont want him to know there were any nonmortals in the house. What are you doing . Im gonna hit you with this saucepan. You come one step further, ill turn into a dog. Sam, what are you doing . [ ding ] um. Well, you werent gonna hit him, were you . He ate my chocolate cake. Well, honey, dont be too hard on him. Look, ill pick you up another cake tomorrow at perkins pastry shop. Ill bring it home from work. You take good care of him, honey. Oh, you can rely on it. I phoned the ad in last night and left my office number. I hope nobody calls to claim him. Hmm. Hmm. Mmhmm. Nothing. Harriet kravitz is spying on us from across the street, and i thought we might as well give her her moneys worth. Ill see you tonight, sweetheart. Bye, dog. Rodney. Rodney rodney [ ding ] im not leaving. Ive decided hes not worthy of you. Rodney, when are you going to get it through that pointed little head that we love each other . Is that the only reason you have for not leaving him for me . Isnt that enough . [ tabitha crying ] coming, tabitha but if you had a fight and you split up, then youd come with me . For the last time, we are not going to split up. What makes you so sure . Im interested. We have a marriage thats based on mutual trust and respect. If i proved that wasnt true, then youd come with me . Rodney, i am going upstairs to get tabitha, im going to do something terrible to you. And ruin your record . Oh, i dont need witchcraft. Ill punch you in the nose. [ knock on door ] just what i need. Phase one of operation splitup, coming up. [ ding ] oh. Oh, im Harriet Kravitz from across the street. Hi, honey. Uh, i found this in the kitchen. I guess gladys borrowed it from mrs. Stephens. Ill take it. Sams slipping into something more comfortable. Were gonna have a little snort together. Are you a friend of mr. Stephens . Well, more a friend of sams. Listen, honey, id love to gab with you, bye. Mutual trust, indeed. Phase two of operation splitup coming up. [ ding ] rodney. Rodney . [ laughs ] well, tabitha, looks like our homewrecking friend finally got the message and gave up, huh . Are you sure its the same dog, mr. Entwhistle . The description in the ad sounded just like him. Hes very friendly, and, uh. Oh, yes, he loves chocolate cake. Thats him, all right. You sound disappointed. Well, ive grown very fond of that dog. To tell you the truth, i was hoping nobody would claim him so that we could keep him. Well, perhaps that might be arranged. Oh . Id hate to lose him, but it would be difficult to take him with us. Would you be willing to sell him . Well, look, im meeting my sister at 7 00 for dinner. Let me talk it over with her, and ill drop by your house later tonight and tell you our decision. Good. I hope you convince her. That dog is really something special, mr. Entwhistle. Yes. Youre very perceptive, mr. Stephens. It was the strangest thing. I suddenly had this terrific craving for chocolate . Clairs. I mean, i just had to have a chocolate . Clair. Isnt that odd . Oh, i think that happens to all of us at some time or another, miss kravitz. Well, i suppose mrs. Stephens asked you to stop by and pick up something for your company . Company . Of course, i met him quite by accident. Unfortunately, i called at a very bad time. He was still in his robe and pajamas when he answered the door. He said they were just having a snort together. Is he a friend of yours, mr. Stephens . And sam just hasnt had time to tell me about him yet. Well, i must say, your faith in your wife is very touching, mr. Stephens. Uh, miss kravitz. Arent you going to buy some . Clairs . . Clairs . I hate . Clairs. In fact, i dont even know why i came in here. [ ding ] hi, there now, listen, rodney, no more mrs. Nice guy. When darrin comes home, im gonna tell him exactly who you are. And im warning you, he can be very violent. No, you dont want to spoil your record when youre so close to your celebration. Besides, you have my solemn oath that if you two are still together by 9 00 tonight, ill fly out of your lives forever. Still together . Did you put a spell on darrin . To cause a rift between you two by witchcraft. I just want to be around you for another 45 minutes. Thats all. Is that too much to ask . Darrin honey, open the door. Ive got my hands full. Ah, my masters voice. [ ding ] just a minute, sweetheart. Thank you. Hey, its nice to have someone like you welcome me when i get home. Nice to have someone like you welcome me. Ssarily in that order, i hope. No, i just think you look sensational. I brought dessert. Thank you. Dinner should be ready in a little while. Good. Uh, just the two of us . Well, this was our celebration. Didnt you want to be alone . Oh, sure its just that sometimes friends drop in unexpectedly, thats all. No, no, no friends. Oh, uh, you want a snort uh, drink . Puttering around the house on your own, huh . Darrin, i think theres something i should tell you. I thought so. Youve just mixed four ounces of scotch with two ounces of gin. Oh. Is that all . No. When you want to find out something from me, just ask. Not very subtle, huh . Unhunh. Okay, i bumped into Harriet Kravitz today. Were having a snort together. Well, thats ridiculous. Then its not true. No. Then why would she say it . I dont know. Honey, dont misunderstand me. I trust you implicitly. Its just that i do get a bit confused. Now, are you sure that there wasnt a man here today in his pajamas and robe . Darrin, that isnt exactly the kind of thing that would slip my mind. The man answered the door uhoh. What is it . Well, darrin, i wasnt gonna tell you this. And, uh, i dont think youre going to like it, but honey, im sure theres a perfectly logical explanation. Now, who was he . Him. The dog . In pajamas and robe . Okay, very funny. Now, who was he . No, uh, darrin, it was the dog. Because i didnt want to spoil our celebration. Actually, hes a warlock i used to babysit with. The dog. He came to see me yesterday morning. I know it sounds ridiculous, but, uh. He thinks hes in love with me. The dog. Darrin, im trying to tell you that that is not a dog. He just posed as a lost dog. Im him. Because hes a warlock . Darrin, im telling the truth. Look, ill prove it. All right, rodney, he knows. Change back. Oh, hes just being stubborn. Stop playing games, rodney. Turn back he knows i wont use any witchcraft on him. Right this minute, ill hit you with my shoe. Sam, youll scare him. Right out of his hide, i hope. Sam, dont you think it would be easier just to tell the truth . Darrin, dont you believe me . No, i dont i happen to know that dog is not a warlock. How . Because his owner came to my office this afternoon. What . And hes a very nice young man. Yes, i do see you want me to believe that this poor, helpless animal is your friend, a dog, and his owner all at the same time. Well, darrin, rodney is very devious. Sam, arent you being unfair . Unfair . youre trying to put the blame on this dog because you dont like him. Now, dont deny it. You never did like him. You even said that he fawned. You dont trust me. Yes, i do trust you. I just resent youre trying to blame this innocent animal. Now, will you please tell me the truth . Im not going to tell you anything. I dont even want to speak to you. In that case, im going to bed. I dont care what you do. In the den. Come on, fella. [ door slams ] boy, am i beat. Im gonna fall asleep just as soon as my head hits that pillow. Good night, dog. [ snoring ] [ ding ] i got you no, dont hit me samantha of mans best friend now . Never mind what he thinks of me. What about what he thinks of you . You said your marriage was based on mutual trust and respect. Well, i proved you were wrong. He didnt believe you were telling the truth. Yes, i did. You did . Yes. Just once i wanted to win out over witchcraft without any help from you. Besides, i didnt want you to spoil your record. Hes lying. Thats why i went to bed at 8 30 you dont know how happy i am to hear you say that. Thank you, sweetheart. Uh, pardon me. Does this mean that youre not coming away with me . Sam, will you excuse me for just a minute . What are you gonna do . Im gonna punch you right in the nose. You tell your Insurance Company they made a mistake. The check they sent isnt enough to replace your totaled new car. The guy says they didnt make the mistake. You made the mistake. I beg your pardon . He says, you should have chosen fullcar replacement. Excuse me . Let me be frank, he says. With Liberty Mutual new car replacement . , well replace the full value of your car plus depreciation. Call 18442317721. Make the switch to Liberty Mutual and see why weve been awarded highest in Customer Satisfaction by j. D. Power. Thats 18442317721. Liberty stands with you . Liberty mutual insurance. How long is he going to stay this way . Oh, its just one of his old tricks. He knows you wont hit a dumb animal. Im going to call the pound. That wont work. [ doorbell rings ] [ sighs ] mr. Stephens, i saw your ad. Ive come to claim my dog. I think there must be some mistake. Oh, no mistake. I recognized the description. There he is. Now, rodney, you come out of there. This is rodneys mother, darling. How are you gonna get him to change back . Oh, thats easy. Rodney, if you dont change back, ill give you a fleaandtick bath. [ ding ] come on, rodney. Its way past your bedtime. Goodbye, my love. I shall return. Oh, no, you wont. Dont bother to show us out. Goodbye, now. Ve loved to have seen that tickandflea bath. Well, you still think im entitled to a celebration . You didnt use witchcraft. Well, with him gone, we really have something to celebrate. Ill drink to that. [ coughs ] sam, water [ ding ] oh, sam what . Ways next month. [doorbell rings] [razor buzzing] [doorbell rings] [razor buzzing] master . [doorbell rings] hello, my name is harry huggins. Is major nelson home . Oh, yes, but he hes, uh, occupied. Youre, uh, mrs. Nelson . Oh, not yet, but i am very hopeful. Oh, major nelson is quite fond of me. I am his, uh, housekeeper. Yes. Well, uh, may i wait for major nelson . Thank you. Tiny, little place, isnt it . Tiny . Boxy. They dont build houses the way they used to. Pity. No taste. Major nelson has wonderful taste. Uhhuh. Grand rapids renaissance. You must see the rest of the house. [ . . . ] why that that looks like a louis xv. Oh, it is. Why, it must be worth a fortune. Oh, yes. Money Means Nothing to major nelson. It is no copy. A real renoir . In cocoa beach . Of course. Uh, be careful of major nelsons genuine ming vase. Ming vase . I told you major nelson has wonderful taste. Cash . [giggles] that safe is full of cash. Full of cash . Mmhm. Its like a museum. Do you take care of this house yourself . [ . . . ] uh, no, thank you. The others are off today. No, thank you. Good morning. Oh, good morning, master. You have a visitor. Major nelson. Huh . Im harry huggins. Department of Internal Revenue. [ . . . ] you didnt read your Car Insurance policy. You just stuck it in a drawer somewhere and forgot about it. Until a dump truck hit your pickup truck and now you need a tow truck. The cost of a tow truck . Who knows . You didnt read it. You cant even find it. The Liberty Mutual app with coverage compass . Makes it easy to know what youre covered for and what youre not. Call Liberty Mutual for a free quote today at coverage compass . Gives you the policy information you need at a glance. Available 24 7 on your mobile device. Call thats liberty stands with you . [ . . . ] ddid you say the department of Internal Revenue . Yes. I have a refund here for you on your last years income tax. Seventeen dollars and fifty cents. Since i live in the neighborhood, i just thought id drop it by myself. Well, thank you, mr. Huggins. Ill just keep this until we finish the investigation. Investigation . Major, this house [chuckling] im sorry. I dont seem to understand. Your housekeeper was kind enough to show me your treasures. Oh, i see. What, uh . What treasures were you kind enough to show mr. Huggins . Oh, you know, master, your, uh, louis xv, your renoir, your ming. [laughing] oh oh, those treasures. Tony you sure you didnt forget anything . Oh. Is that a michelangelo . Tony i wouldnt be at all surprised. Are you quite through . I have not had so much fun in a long time, master. Would you like to see Something Else . No, ive, uh ive seen more than enough, thank you. Ill be back here in the morning with the assessor. Mr. Huggins, uh, all of this all of this is not what it seems. [laughing] oh, youre as soon as i tell you the truth, oh, im dying to hear all about it. Well, jeannie does, uh, these we like to call em tricks. None of this is genuine. Of course it is genuine. Would you hold this a moment . Yes. And stand right there. You see, the michelangelo and the renoir and the ming and whatever, well, theyre all just just junk. [chuckles] well, id like to say, my guess is, this junks gonna run somewhere between 20 to 30 years in prison. Oh, 20 to 30 years. Plain to the government why none of it appeared on your income tax, major. Oh, and i wouldnt touch that safe if i were you. Safe . The one full of cash. Oh. Ill be back early in the morning with the assessor. We showed him, did we not, master . I think he was impressed. Why, he did not like your house, master. And i did not want him to think you were poor. Well, thats what i am, a poor master. No. Yeah, i wake up in the morning and ii come down to br and what do ii . A michelangelo. And a renoir . And a ming. You gotta get rid of this. Oh, but i could not do that, master. Why not . Because i want you to have beautiful things. You never let me do anything for you. All the other genies give their masters treasures and palaces, i know, but if i ever need a treasure or a palace, believe me, youll be the first one to know. Well, now, get rid of this stuff. No. Jeannie, ive gotta pay income taxes on this. But why . I gave them to you. Well, that doesnt make any difference. I still have to pay taxes on it. You mean people cannot give you gifts . Yeah, thats right. Oh, you tell your government that is ridiculous. Ridiculous re they are you. [sighs] enjoy them. Yeah, not ii just i just cant afford it. Jeannie . Now, jeannie, you stop that. Stop it this jeannie come out of there. Come on. Now, listen here, young lady. I want all this stuff gone, you understand that . Gone, when i get home. Oh. He is so adorable when he is angry. [ . . . ] and a ming vase, and youre complaining . Oh, how ungrateful can you get . Hey, roger, i gotta get rid of that stuff. All right. All right. What are friends for . Tell you what, ill take the renoir, the michelangelo, and the ming vase. Youll only get in trouble. Trouble . Thats right. Get in trouble. Uh, tell you what. Ill take the renoir and the michelangelo. No. How bout just the renoir . No. That i got. Roger, dont you understand . I am in trouble with the Internal Revenue department. Theres a guy named huggins on my neck. Hes bringing an assessor over tomorrow. What am i . How am i gonna explain all that art . Its very simple. All you have to do is tell him that yeah, what . What . Well, you could say that, uh yeah, you got problems. Doesnt he always . Whats your problem this time, major . Nothing, sir. Roger and i were talking about art. Yeah. About art. Tony is a real culture vulture. [chuckles] the simulators ready for you, major. Ill be right along, sir. You gonna handle the ground controls . Its the least i can do for one of the great collectors. If you dont mind, major. Yes, sir. You finish this, huh . Huh . Oh, yeah. Heres your hat. Roger . [inhaling exhaling] well, you are in remarkably good health, major. You can get dressed now. Oh, thanks, sir. [phone rings] oh, excuse me. Huggins . [glass shatters] i dont know any huggins. Oh, urgent, huh . Oh, very well. Im on my way to my office now. Ill see you later, major. Yes, sir. Uh, your shirt. Shirt . Uhuh. Oh, yes. Im sorry. [knocking on door] oh, come in. Dr. Bellows . Yes. Harry huggins. Mm. Sit down, mr. Huggins. Department of Internal Revenue. Uh, the department of . Now, if its about that trip i took to jamaica last year, i can prove that it was government business. Im not here to, uh, discuss you, doctor. But, uh, ill certainly make a note of that. Jamaica. No, im here because something peculiars going on what has major nelson done now . I didnt mention his name. How do you know it was major nelson . Do you see these reports . Theyre all on major nelson. Oh . Well, uh, what are they about . Well, i wouldnt know where to begin. Heres a report of a woman who swears she saw him flying over cocoa beach. Well, hes a pilot, isnt he . Whats so unusual about that . He had no plane. A gas station attendant saw major nelsons car go into a drivein theater. Well, that doesnt seem unusual. Hm. No one was in the car. Oh, heres one that will interest you. A witness saw it snow on major nelsons house, but only on his house, in the middle of july. [laughing] that was obviously some crackpot. It was reported by me, mr. Huggins. I have a 117 of these. Im afraid youll have to wait in line. The government doesnt wait in line, doctor. Im here to get the answers to some questions. Well, i dont know whether i can answer them, mr. Huggins. You see, uh, our files are confidential. Im with the government, remember, doctor . Now, thats a coincidence. So am i. And im wearing a uniform to prove it. How would you like to have your income tax audited for the last five years . How would you like to be drafted . Let me put it another way. My branch of the government would appreciate cooperation from your branch of the government. What is it you want to know . Would you say that major nelson is a rich man . A few weeks ago he had 3 million in his Christmas Club fund. His Christmas Club fund . When we went to track it down, it had vanished. Well, i think i found it again. Where . Sorry, we cant give out that information. This is gonna mean a nice promotion for me. Inspector huggins. Weve been after nelson for a long time. After him . For what . Can you keep it confidential . I mean, this is one branch of the government talking to [whispering] another branch of the government. Go ahead. Your major nelson is the head believe me, its strange to hear myself saying this, but i am sure that major nelson is innocent. The curator of the Palm Beach Museum is flying up in the morning. And, uh, what if major nelson removes the things tonight . Hed be a fool if he didnt. You mean you think he will . Of course, doctor. Hes in a panic. Moment, the poor devils out probably trying to round up a truck. Then hes planning to drive to the house and load everything in the truck. And lose it somewhere. And, uh, whats to stop him . I am, dr. Bellows. I am mr. Huggins, you may be an expert on financial matters, [ . . . ] [tires screeching] roger have you driven a truck before . Tony huh . You sure you know what youre doing . Believe me, roge, this is the only way out. Hey. A real cellini. Michelangelo. Well, he couldve copied cellini. Yeah. Look, lets get this out first, huh . All right. Be careful. Its worth about 2 million. Two Million Dollars . Dont drop it. Come on. Come on. All right. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Whoa, wait a minute. I got the heavy end. I know that. Come on, lets go. Good grip on it. Okay. I got it. I got it. Put your end down a minute. Hello. Hello yourself. Can we get this onto the truck . Put your end down, roger. I cant let my end down. Ii just got a good grip on it. Well, get a grip on yourself and just put it down. [grunting] oh, you sent for help. Good idea. We can use you. Roger we better get this stuff out of here before the Internal Revenue department catches us. This is give us a hand, well get this onto the truck. This is mr. Huggins. Nice to meet you. You want to . Of the department of Internal Revenue. I guess id better be running along. Just a moment, major. Just a moment. Well consider you an accomplice after the fact. Did you hear what he said . An accomplice after the this is a notice of distraint, major nelson. Nothing is to be removed from these premises until my assessor gets here in the morning. Good day, gentlemen. Jeannie keeps doing these things to me because she loves me. Yeah, she loves you. Well, i guess this time youre really trapped. Not necessarily. How you figure that . Im gonna outsmart her. Im gonna use my brain. Yeah, well how you gonna do that . Im gonna say, jeannie, you hello, master. Oh, hello, jeannie. Do you like it . It is a rembrandt. Oh, its absolutely lovely. Its what ive always wanted. Oh. My own rembrandt. You mean you are not going to ask me to return it . Oh, lovely. Itll go well with my michelangelo, dont you think . Are you . Are you out of your mind . You realize whats gonna happen when huggins finds that picture . Well, dont worry about it. Dont worry . Dont worry. Just for that im gonna ask for separate cells. Jeannie, id like you to get ahold of all the old masters you can lay your hands on. Oh, yes, master. Oh, uh, wait, wait, wait. Now, this is not the right surroundings for it. Could you . Oh, yes, master. Hey, i get it. Youll have your turn next. And while youre at it, you might as well blink all the statuary and the paintings and everything to the tangiers villa, hm . You are right, master. Oh what is it . Jeannie, take this with oh, mr. Huggins, i thought youd gone. To tell the truth, i couldnt bear to tear myself away from these beautiful things. So ive decided to spend the night here with, uh, michelangelo. Oh. [ . . . ] [doorbell rings] that must be professor preever, our little art expert. [door opens] come in, professor. Ah. How do you do . [laughs] this is major nelson. How do you do, sir . Major healey. Professor preever. Gentlemen. [doorbell rings] ill get it. Ill get it. No, ill get it. Oh, you get it. Huh . Oh, dr. Bellows. What are you doing here, sir . Hello, major. I came to offer my services. Oh, thats very kind of you. Youre a lot of things, major. A lot of things. But youre not an international smuggler. [ . . . ] is a very exciting morning, professor. For instance, here we have a genuine ming vase. What would you say it was worth . [sniffs] about a dollar and a quarter. Made in. Japan. They have the renoir. With a mustache . I used to have an aunt who looked like that. [roger laughing] at wasnt there yesterday. Six fingers . Of practical joke . You bring me all the way here and show me a collection of junk . I undetand. W bout the safe full of money . Its confederate. Confederate . How . How bout the gold . [sighs] hm. Try one. Chocolate. Ill send you my bill. S major huggins professor just a minute. Bellows i cant tell you what a pleasure it is to see you do it to someone else. About your trip to jamaica, dr. Bellows, you did say it was strictly government business . Now, why dont you level with me for the rest you shouldve told me that it would get you into trouble. I never wouldve done that. There were many ways our house. [ . . . ] master, i was not sure whether you preferred chicken or lamb or beef or veal or goose, so we have them we have them all. Oh, yes, master. And a few little extra surprises. [giggles] i am ready. Well, jeannie, im afraid i have a surprise for you too. I am so excited about our picnic. Oh, master, you do not know the last picnic i went on was with omar khayy . M. Oh, no, no kidding, really . Mmhm. Oh, and believe me, master, that was no picnic. Uh, jeannie, why dont we have our picnic he in the living room. Uh, you could blink up a tent and but you said we would go to the beach. Yes, yes, i know i did, jeannie, but somethings come up. [thunder crashes] or, rather, somethings coming down. Its raining. Oh dont worry, jeannie. First nice day i have off, well go on that picnic. Do you promise . Yeah, i promise. [giggles] [ . . . ] [both laughing] let us go, master. Well. How bout that . That is the most amazing thing ive ever seen. How do you change the weather like that . Oh, it is simple. I think hot. You think hot. You [laughing] it would be great if we could control the weather. Oh, well, that is easy, master, but would you not get tired of sunshine all the time . Yeah, i suppose i would. It used to get pretty cold up in wisconsin where i was. Oh, do you enjoy the cold weather . Yeah, yeah. I must say, some of the happiest days of my life ngs] like that, master . Huh . [chuckling] hey, thats wonderful, jeannie. Thats, uh doctor bellows hello, sir. Major nelson. I dont know quite how to tell you this, but its snowing on your house. Oh, yes, i see. Uh well, its probably one of those freak summer storms were having. I could make myself understand why it might snow in, uh, [laughing] yes, well, its the High Pressure but i cant make myself understand why its only snowing on your house, major nelson. The sun is shining on the other houses. Oh, yes, yes. [magic boings] well, now, its, uh well, its just stopped snowing, sir. Uh, please come in. Let me, uh. Im, uh, dying to hear your explanation of this, major. T experiments. Well, its strange that i wasnt advised of it. Well, i didnt know about it myself until a few minutes ago. Please, sit down. That is, i didnt know it would work until a few minutes ago. Its a very simple procedure of, uh, seeding the silver iodide particles in a low pressure barometrics strata with inverse isobars. Yes. Um. I, umi would like you to show this to general peterson. Well, im afraid i cant, sir. And why not . Well, its not, uh, completed yet. You understand. Understand . Oh, major nelson, i havent understood anything since you arrived at this base, but i will. I am dedicating myself to understanding you. Uh, do you understand . [laughing] whatd you say . Nothing. [laughing] major nelson. Yes . If you think that this is any laughing matter, youre very much mistaken. [laughing] [ . . . ] i am not cracking up. I am not cracking up. Hi. Oh, hi, roge. Hey, i hear you had a little, uh, snowstorm over your place this morning. Oh, whered you hear that . That from . Well, dr. Bellows has been telling everybody on the base. Why, hes carrying on like a madman. You better be careful. Major healey is right, master. I would not want to see you in trouble. Im not the one thats getting me into trouble. Youre the one thats getting me into trouble, jeannie. But you asked for snow. No, no, i didnt. All i said was oh. [stammering] oh, hello, general. Well, i guess i better be running along. Stay right where you are, major healey. Uh, can i talk to you for a minute, tony . Oh, yes, of course. Oh, i didnt realize you had company. Neither did i. This is mr. [jeannies voice] ali habeeb. Uh, mr. Habeeb is a a rug salesman. A weather expert. Uh, he doesnt look it, but she, uh mm, mostly toads. Theyre the best. When a toad croaks seven times in the swamp, when the moon is full, there is going to be a storm. Can you make it rain or snow . Rain, snow, thunder, you name it. Uh, of course i cannot make it rain or snow. What do you think i am . A genie . [chuckling] [laughing] its certainly nice seeing you, sir. Ii hope youll drop right, thank you. Thank you. Youve been most kind. Tony, do you have any way of changing the weather . I mean, can you make it snow . No, sir. I cant even make it smog. Thats what i thought. Doctor. I know when ive been snowed on, general, and i was snowed on this morning. And you did it. He snowed on me. Admit it. If you say so, sir. Did you hear that . Yes, i heard it, and, doctor, i think you better come along with me and try not to excite yourself. I am not excited. I tell you, it was snowing. And it was only snowing on major nelsons house. All the other houses were bathed in sunshine. It was the strangest thing ive ever seen. All the houses bathed in sunshine and the snow falling on major nelsons. [ . . . ] [laughing] roge roge they gone yet . Oh. [laughing] i tell you. You know, im gonna have to get rid of jeannie for a while, or im gonna have a nervous breakdown. Why dont you ask her to go away for a while. Ive tried. Oh, ive tried. Ive tried everything. I guess youre stuck then, huh . Yeah, i guess so. Ive tried everything except wait a minute. I know exactly how ill get her to leave. How . What does she love most in the world next to me . Me. No, no, her family. Are you ready for our picnic, master . Huh . Oh, in just a minute, jeannie. Roger was just telling me about his family, werent you, roge . Aw. Oh, yeah, family. About how your mother and your father and how you havent seen em in a year and you miss them. And father in a year, and i miss em. Well, i have not seen my mother and father in, oh, 1000, two. [chuckles] well, i would rather not say. It must be hard on em, jeannie, not seeing you. Oh, yes. Weve always been a very close family. Oh, i would love to see them. Oh, i get it. Bet youre gonna trick her into im sure theyd enjoy it. Mm, so would i. And my little baby sister. Your little baby sis no kidding. She must be grown by now. Mm. I suppose so. Master. Would, uh. . Would you mind. . If i went back for a visit with my family . Youre still the old master. [laughs] oh, aa week. A week . Well, thats not very long. Why dont you take two or maybe even three. Oh, you are the most wonderful, marvelous master in the whole world [knock on door] shh, look out. Ahem. Come in. Uh, excuse me, major. Sir. Im sergeant ben roberts. Can i talk to you a minute . Oh, sure, sure. Come on in. Well, i gotta be running along anyway. Mother and father, oh, clever, oh. At would be nice. Uh, im afraid this might sound a little bit foolish, and i wouldnt even botherd ya no, no, no, go ahead, tell me whats on your mind. Well, i was in dr. Bellows office this morning, i heard him tell me that you could control the weather. Sorry. Uh, well, now, you oughta know that noby can control the weather. Thats what i thought, and id of forgotten about it right then and there, except that, uh, he was so positive about it. Yeah, well, i think maybe you you misunderstood him. Ng else on your mind . Oh, no, sir. Im sorry again to bother you. But, major, i hope youll excuse me. Oh, yeah, thats all right. It was just the only way i could think of to save my brother. Uh, to save your brother . Well, yes, sir. Uh, my brother and my sisterinlaw, they got this here farm in four corners, alabama yeah . It aint much, but its all they got in the world. Anyway, i got this letter from my brother you see, theres been a terrible drought down there all year, not a drop of water. All his crops drying up and blowing away. So when i heard dr. Bellows talk about you, i, uh. Excuse me again for bothering you, sir. Oh, thats all right, sergeant. Oh, here, here. This is oh, im sorry. Oh, thats too bad. Well. He was such a nice man. Oh, yes, yes, i know. And his brother is going to lose his farm if we do not do something. Well, jeannie, theres not anything we can about it. Theres nothing we can do without getting into an enormous amount of trouble. Now, you justyou just go and visit your mother and father and be happy and have a wonderful time. Hm . Oh, i will. Good. [magic boings] uh, what was . What was that for . Byebye. Yeahuh, jeannie. About the flight ive never seen you happier. Ive never been happier. You want some coffee . Id love one. You havent been this happy in a long time. I had a good nights sleep last night, roger. I woke up refreshed, relaxed. Look at that hand, steady as a rock, huh . Say, whens jeannie coming back . Sorry, i well, ii dont know. I think shell be back in a week or so. Oh, you heard from her, huh . Morning, major nelson oh, hello, sergeant. Morning, sir. Uhoh. Hey, corn. Oh, thank you. Thats wild, whered you get this . Thats the finest corn in alabama, sir. Thank you. Uh, no, you hang onto that, sir. [laughing] yes, of course. Well, whos this for . Uh, its for you, sir. For me . Well, thank you very much. Oh, dont thank me. Its from my brother. He and his family just wanted you to know how grateful they are. How grateful they are . What did you do . U dont have to pretend with me, sir. It started rainin an hour after i talked to you. Oh, thats what that blink was for. What blink . Oh, nothing, it was just well, you saved four corners, sir. Theyre all beholden to you. Well, you probably even be hearing from them. Well, sergeant, really i had nothing to do with it. Honestly, i oh, yes, sir. I understand. This is just between us. Thanks again, major. Whats this all about anyway . I knew i couldnt trust that girl. I knew it, i knew it, just as well as i am standing here. Uh, his Brothers Farm is drying up and blowing away, and jeannie made it rain on it. Well, thats great. She saved the poor guys farm, didnt she . And youre not in any trouble. Youre right. Youre absolutely right. You know what that proves . What . It proves that jeannie can use her power and not get me into trouble. Yes . Excuse me, major nelson. I have a delivery for you. Bring it in, men. [ . . . ] all right, what is it . Sign here, major. Yeah, thank you. Thank you, sir. Well, how bout this. Its very nice, i must say. [squealing] [doorbell rings] jeannie jeanits good to see you, dr. Bellows. Is it . Yes. Good evening, major healey. Hello, dr. Bellows. No, thank you. I can only stay a moment. Forgive me for intruding like this. Oh, its perfectly all right, sir. What can i do for you . Oh, you could do a lot for me, major. And one of these days you will. Cant he, sir . [laughing] he thinks im out to get you, major nelson. Oh. And are you, sir . No. I dont want to get you, i just want to understand you. Some men dedicate their lives to science, some men dedicate their lives to politics. I am dedicating my life to understanding you. Well, it is really very simple, sir. Dont bother, major. You see, ive been making a mistake. Ive never been able to pin you down, but in the future, i will. I will. Well, thats all i came to say. Excuse me. Awfully friendly of you to do that, sir. I dont know how deeply youre involved in this, major healey, but i warn you be careful. Be very careful. Good night, gentlemen. Good night, sir. Do me a favor, will you, tony . Major nelson. Huh, yes . Uh, excuse me, major, but this is really urgent. What is it . Its about four corners, sir, or whats left of it. Yes . Now, i know i asked you to make it rain down there, and i certainly appreciate your help, but, major, this isoh. Well, my brother said the streets turned into rivers. His farm is three feet under water. The barn floated away this morning. The barn floated away . Roberts you gotta stop that rain, sir. M doing the best i can one of the tools i use is out of town at the moment, and well discuss this at a at a later date. Just a moment, sergeant. Well discuss it right now. Its really nothing that would interest you, sir. Interest me . Why, it fascinates me, major. Uh, from what i just heard, i gather that Sergeant Roberts brother has a farm. Ed a flood, hes asked you to stop it. Well, thats the gist would you say that was an accurate summation, sergeant . Well, uh. Yes, sir. I guess i would. Well, thats fine. Thats just what i wanted to hear. Ill see you in my office in 10 minutes. Uh, yes, sir. Do you remember i mentioned pinning you down, major . Mm, well, um, thats what i had in mind. Ill see you in my office in 10 minutes. I am back, master. Oh, yes, i see. Did you think about me . You might say that. Oh, i missed you, master. I missed you too. My father made you this camel pouch, and my mother baked you this cake, and my sister knitted you this sweater. , jeannie. You can thank them for me when you see them this afternoon. Hm . This afternoon . Oh, well, i am not going back. Well, you might as well. Now, i have a feeling im not gonna be around for the next couple of years. Has something happened, master . Jeannie, why didnt you stop the rain when you left . Rain . Oh, four corners. I left the water running. Its a lake. And general petersons gonna blame me. Oh, well, it is not your fault. I will tell him that he can yeah. Oh, im sorry, master. Is there anything i can do . It looks like dr. Bellows has finally caught me, and this time, hes got youre saying that tony nelson rained on a town called four corners . He not only rained on it, general, he flooded it out. Doctor, im warning you, this is the last time general, ive got him right where i want him. Theyre meeting us in my office. [ . . . ] now, major nelson ill handle this. Ion that you can control the weather. Can you . No, sir, i cant. Uh, Sergeant Roberts i said id handle this. Yes, general. Sergeant roberts, do you have any proof that major nelson can make it rain or snow . Well, i havent any proof, no, sir. But it sure did come down cats and dogs down in alabama. And it was major nelson . Doctor thats all, sergeant. Yes, sir. No, general. Yes, you can. Uh, make it snow. Dr. Bellows, honestly try. [ . . . ] snow. [laughing] thank you, tony. Doctor. Im sorry about all this, sir. Imim sure it was all a coincidence. Oh, hello, sergeant. Major nelson. Yeah . My brother just phoned me and nobody understands it, but that lake that used to be his farm yes, whats the matter now . Trout . And bass and catfish its a fishermans paradise. Well, my brother and all his friends is rentin out cabins to tourists and gettin rich. Well, thats wonderful. I just wanted you to know, sir. Sometimes, i sure like to hear how you do that, major. Uh, wait right there, sir. I got a little surprise for you. Okay. [giggling] oh. Jeannie, that was a brilliant idea. Ster, it makes me happy. Why do we not go fishing there sometime . No, no, id rather not. But why . Oh, well, frankly, i just dont care for fish much. Oh. Look out. Oh. Just a little token of my brothers appreciation. [ . . . ] bring it in, boys. Got a whole truckload outside. Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. Uh, iii. [laughing] oh. Well, here i am. Good. Say, mr. Douglas, i need your opinion. How do i look . Well, uh. What difference does it make . Its dark outside. You look very nice, eb. Where are you going . This is a very important night for me. Im gonna ask darlene if she wants to plight in my troth. What . If she wants to get engaged to me. Ribbit Ribbit whats that . Oh, thats my frog. Hes my good luck charm. Arent ya . Bit i cant rely solely on my sophistication and charm. Thats right. Say, mr. Douglas, what do you say to a girl at a time like this . Very simple. You st