And the first i did. Honest to god. The first time i played sidney chaplin, he beat me. Zero something. Why do they call it love . They call it love, as i understand, because is french, a goose egg, or an egg is oeuf, meaning, like a goose egg. Zero. Thats not the french i learned. So it comes from that, as i understand. I dont know. Well, anyway, what did you ask me, before i interrupted . I asked did you d no, no. He was a friend of mine, before he went to england. He told me that film stars, or Television Stars should be remote. You sort of stimulate the imagination of the people who watch. Yeah. And when they get to know you, it destroys a dream. But its very hard not to know you you lose the magic and the mystery, you mean . Yeah. But youre in my bedroom [ laughter ] im sorry. I could not resist. I apologize right here and now. Thats a cheap shot. I knew it. It got here, and i couldnt get it back down, but you know i am joking, and it was a tawdry joke, and thats unlike me and im just kidding. Its just rhythm. You know how people work on rhythm . Well, its more or less true. [ laughter, applause ] you know i dont mean that. It was just one of those silly things. Alright. Where were we . The chaplins. We had a list of things. I never remember it. Oh, to hell with that. I dont even want to talk about those things. We were talking about grocery shopping. Your book. Yes, my book. Well, its two thirds through. Tell me some of the secrets in the book. Give me one secret. No, no. Youve got to buy it. [ laughter ] no, when its ready did i look thinner to you than eight months ago . [ applause ] yes, you do. Are you dieting, again . No, not again. Rerun or something. [ applause ] thats wonderful. The other night, you had a very funny segment the 19th have i been on for 19 years . Very well could be. Thats two husbands ago. Weve been on 25 years. Really . Yes. Itll be 25 years next month. Alright. Thats three husbands ago. [ laughter ] okay. Well, i can match that. [ laughter, applause ] another one. Just came out. Okay. But you know, in new york, people in my neighborhood new york is little neighborhoods. New york is a little neighborhood . Yes, each section. Oh, i see. And people are used to me, so they dont bother me. And you have to have exercise. I mean, its very easy, in california, to go play tennis, or whatever. But i walk, and now some people walk dogs. I dont happen to have a dog. Husband first, then well get the dog. I walk to a Grocery Store thats about ten blocks away. I have deliberately not been on the show 30 pounds ago. And now, i want to come on every ten pounds. Until im size ten, or eight. That would be nice. Well, anyway. Youre heading for the store. Im heading for the store. Would you keep me on track . Y when i go grocery shopping, about 96th street and broadway, people say you know, everybody fifty, or forty and over watches the show every single night. Its obligatory. What do you mean, over forty or fifty . Well, maybe the young kids watch, too, while theyre waiting for david letterman. [ applause ] what do you think . Is this show for old people, or something . No, no, no. But people do. Say, the mature. The young kids watch, too, and i go shopping with my cart, and i get this all the time, shelley, why havent you done johnny lately . Because i dont feel like doing johnny, now. I want to wait. And this is what happened. So, im really satisfying all my grocery friends. [ laughter ] so, every ten pounds, youll come on . Every ten pounds, ill come on. Well keep track, okay . A svelte eight. Wouldnt that be something . Nobodys eight. Is your wife eight . Yeah. You sure . Well, you were an eight at one time. Sure, you were. During the second world war, i was eight. Im aiming for twelve. Okay, well take a break. Were coming right back. [ applause ] attention are you eligible for medicare . The medicare enrollment deadline is just a few days away. Changes to medicare plans could impact your healthcare costs. Are you getting all the benefits available to you . New plans are now available that could increase your benefits and lower how much you pay out of pocket. To update your coverage or enroll for the first time call healthmarkets. Right medicare plan. Hi, im doctor martin gizzi. Its a new medicare year. That means more changes. And more confusion. Heres what i tell my patients. Start by asking. What kind of care is best for your Current Situation . Have there been changes in your health or medications . The key question is what can you do now, to ensure you get the care you need in the coming year . To find the coverage you need, call healthmarkets today. New medicare plans in your area may offer better coverage and lower costs. Healthmarkets has access to thousands of Medicare Options from leading Insurance Companies nationwide. Plans that may. Cost less. Cover more. With more choices. Like dental and vision care. And the freedom to choose your own doctors. All at a price you can afford. We help find the right plan for you. And we do it at no cost. There were so many benefits i wasnt taking advantage of. Healthmarkets can find me the right plan. Healthmarkets takes away the confusion. Too often i see my patients paying more than they need to because they dont know what theyre entitled to. Make sure you have what you need to get the care thats right for you. You have only a few days left. If you miss the deadline, you may have to wait another year before enrolling. Call a licensed healthmarkets agent now. Call now. Call this number by the deadline. And let healthmarkets find the right medicare call now. [ music, applause ] okay, were back. Friday is always a good night for comedy, and tom parks is here tonight. Hes been with us a couple of times before, and hes also the National Spokesman after he works. He worked comedy clubs all over the country. I think right now, hes up in las vegas at the riviera. Would you welcome tom parks . [ music, applause ] oh, thank you very much. My first tonight show was april first. April fools day. My big paranoia was that id get over here and the entire staff ul you didnt think you were going to be on, did you . [ laughter ] but i was, and its been nice. Now, ive been touring recently, in the deep south. Mississippi, alabama, yeah. Now, its tough, living in los angeles, and telling your friends that youre going to mississippi to perform. Because my friends are all going, tom, dont go. [ laughter ] weve seen them on television. [ laughter ] their idea of gun control is holding it with both hands. [ laughter, applause ] they think wrestling is real, and the Space Program is fake. [ laughter ] now, i was raised in the south. South carolina. [ applause ] thank you. It was nothing. [ laughter ] now, i have to explain to californians, yall well, now, see there. Yall. Its a great collective. I learned that in the south. As long as youre in the south. But, if you leave the south and say yall, there is always some jerk thats going to go, yall. What yall . I finally figured out, as long as youve got one more answer than theyve got questions, theyre just yankees. [ laughter, applause ] aint no big thang. Now, this is a true story. Im standing on a stage in new york. I said, its been nice being here with yall. A guy in the front row, yall . Whats yall . I said, its a small sailing vessel with two masts. [ laughter ] now, hes going, no, no, you all. Whats that . I said a little trailer you rent, to haul your furniture around in. [ laughter, applause ] i went to high school in the south. I was not a Great High School student. I tried everything. I was in debating club. Any debaters here . [ applause ] i was not a great debater. Well, youre just stupid. [ laughter ] pinhead. Then i tried the karmic opposite of debating club, shop class. Now, i was not a great shop student, either. There was always somebody right next to me who was better. Some kind of shop genius. Id be standing there at this big lathe, ma a [ laughter ] the guy next to me is making a station wagon. [ laughter, applause ] then, woodshop would roll around at christmastime, and everybody would make presents for their father. John duncan made his father chest of drawers, player piano, gun rack, lamp. [ laughter ] i made my father a paper weight. [ laughter, applause ] shaped like a block of wood. [ laughter ] i shellacked it. See, i got my Cooking Skills from my mom. So i wasnt great. [ laughter ] its a hard thing to say about your mom on national television, but she cant cook. [ laughter ] she doesnt believe its done, unless its burnt black. [ laughter ] [ laughter, applause ] i was at a friends house. I said, whats that . He said, mashed potatoes. I said, theyre not done. [ laughter ] theyre still soft. [ laughter ] i was at a picnic and ate my way through half a bag of charcoal. [ laughter, applause ] they werent biscuits. [ laughter ] i was going, these are great. They come in this big bag. I can take these to school. [ laughter, applause ] [ music, applause ] funny stuff, tom. Really good. Well do this and well be back. . Think of your fellow man. . . Lend him a helping hand. . . Put a little love in your heart. . . Take a good look around. . . And if youre lookin down, . . Put a little love in your heart. . . Put a little love in your heart. . . In your heart. . avo the subaru share the love event is happening now and will have given ninety Million Dollars [ music, applause ] okay. It is almost unamerican to say your mother is a bad cook, but you covered it very well. I guess were brought up to say that mothers can do no wrong, and sometimes they dont cook. Well, she was a nurse. When you have a nurse for th than what you get from most other mothers. This scar that i have on the heel of my hand i was about 13 when i got that. I walked into the house with my hand cupped full of blood. My mom looked up from the couch and said, dont spill that on the rug. [ laughter ] nothing phased her. How did you get started . I was living in atlanta, and there was a small club there. I went out on a date. I didnt really know much about it. I had never been in a club before and i sat in the front row watching harry chapin perform. In between songs, hed tell stories, and they were really funny. I turned to this girl at some point in the show and i said, i think i could do that. She looked at me and said, i think you could, too. [ laughter ] and that was that. Yeah. I went right into show business. Are you married . O, do you want to go out again . Im on the road about 250, 300 days a year. You meet a lot of young ladies in this entertainment business. Yeah, i cant get past do you want to go out again . Young ladies like comedians. You ever notice that . They do. But they like musicians better. See, they think musicians are sensitive. Yeah, right. And theyve got instruments, and they write songs that have got the womens names in them. You cant write a joke about a woman, you know . You cant say, i wrote this for you. [ laughter ] she was so fat, that right, that doesnt work. I wrote that for you, baby. It doesnt work. Do you do other things besides comedy . Any other area . Well, theres a lot of stuff going on. Ive already done some commercials. I did a regional commercial in atlanta. It was a hand job. [ laughter ] thats what they call them. A hand model. Thats right. Hands on camera. 235 to do this. Now, i had to go down and audition for the hand job. Im at the Biggest Advertising Agency in the country, walter thompson. Theres a guy can you do this . [ laughter ] now, im thinking, ive got a college education. I want desperately to be able to do this well enough to please him. I did it. Can you imagine the people who couldnt do this . Ten of them. Couldnt get the job. Its down to two of you. Well be right back. [ music, applause ] were a little long, tonight. Abby jay will be with us soon, again. Before we leave. Tom, youre the National Spokesman for the comedy crusade against diabetes, which is going to be occurring november 2nd, in comedy clubs in all 50 states, so i want to mention that. Thank you for being here. My pleasure. Shelley, thank you. [ music, applause ] light strumming lowell, have you seen, oh sorry antonio, i was just looking for lowell. Oh, uh, hes gone to lunch. Oh. What are you doing . Well actually, i was just working on a little song i wrote for casey. You wrote a song . Oh, how romantic. Be thrilled to have a song written especially for her. Uhhuh. Would you like to hear it . Oh please it goes a Little Something like this. audience laughs . When i see casey i see such charm . I win the racey audience laughs . I see it all . Shes satin and lacy . With red hair like lucille ball audience laughs guitar twangs . Like desi love lucy guitar twangs . And hepburn loved tracy guitar twangs audience laughs . Ella count basie guitar twangs . And cagney and lacey . And donald and daisy duck . audience laughs so, helen . What do you think . Its lovely audience laughs upbeat music hey brian, pretend im not here all right . Im burning off this roll, so just act natural. [brian] okay. I just wanna [brian] okay, okay, okay. audience laughs all right, you know what, just forget it. Suit yourself. audience laughs thanks a lot for your cooperation. Joe, the computers on the blink again. Would you take a look at it . Natural, huh . Ill give ya natural. audience laughs smile listen im sorry i gave you such a hard time. I took a picture myself for you. audience laughs you didnt make a goofy face, did you . Grow up. audience laughs upbeat music [fay] my, that cake looks delicious. Ah thanks, i sure hope it cheers casey up. This is her first birthday since her husband ordered. Actually what the doctor ordered was mood elevators. audience laughs you know, those things really work audience laughs im not late for the party, am i . No, casey isnt even here yet. Oh, good. I hope she likes my present. And please, dont even ask what it cost. Whatd you get her . A pair of 200 earrings. audience laughs hey joe, brian, get out here put your party faces on whatd you get her . A book. What book . I dont know, a white one. audience laughs grabbed it off my shelf. You got her a used book . That is so cheap. Oh really, so whatd you get her, huh . Can i go halfsies with you . scoffs audience laughs okay everybody come on, gather round, shes gonna be here any minute. Helen, just calm down. Its just another lame Office Birthday party. You know, would it kill you guys to show a little enthusiasm for my sisters birthday . Oh hi everybody. [all] surprise. Ant a party. Oh now come on. You know you love to celebrate your birthday. Oh, right. Lets see, what should we celebrate . That my husband left me, or that i have no job, no future, and absolutely no purpose in life . Yeah, itll be fun. audience laughs okay, time for presents. Here you are dear. I hope you like them. Oh, tacky salt and pepper shakers. Thats a great gag gift, thank you fay i needed a laugh today. audience laughs audience laughs uh, here. This is from me. Soon as i saw it in the store i thought of you. 101 ways to pleasure a woman. audience laughs thank you brian, but i dont think ill have much use for this. Good, then give it to joe. audience laughs did you divvy up that cake yet . Is that the only reason you came out here . Didnt you at least get her something . Here, happy birthday casey. What are you doing, roy . You stealing from charity now . Its not a real charity, i made it up. audience laughs im next, im next. Here you are casey. Its a pair of gold earrings, cost me 200 bucks. Oops, i cant believe i let that slip. audience laughs oh antonio, these are beautiful with wrap and tax, 220. audience laughs oh man, did the party start already . Uh, casey doesnt want to be here, helen yelled at us, and fay ran off crying. audience laughs sounds like the best party yet. audience laughs here, happy birthday casey. Thanks lowell i cant imagine what this is. It better not be earrings. Its a shoe rack. audience laughs wow, i dont know what to say well i do. Trash pickup is tuesday. Lowell, i think its beautiful. audience laughs come on casey, lets cut the cake. So, howd the photograph thing go this morning . Photograph thing . Oh you mean the film . Helen sent it off to her parents in phoenix. What . audience laughs can i talk to you for a second please . What, what . Its just a bunch of pictures of helen in her wedding dress. Her parents are really anxious to see em so theyre developing the film out there. Yeah, why, whats the big deal . A picture of your what . audience laughs it was a joke. A joke . Oh, would you lighten up . No, no, no i wont man look, look, a sweet old lady in fuzzy slippers is going to be sitting down to breakfast one morning thumbing through pictures of her daughter in a wedding dress, when suddenly she comes across a picture laughing hey listen, listen if it turns out to be a good picture if i know helens mother shell knit a cozy for it. laughing you want to hear the funniest thing . Is that theyre gonna think its yours audience laughs thats not funny. audience laughs shoot me if i ever throw another Birthday Party again. Heres cake. Uhh, you better tell her joey. No brian, no you tell her. Youre the one that did it. What, tell me what . Ah, okay. Well, the funniest thing happened. Theres a picture of me on that roll. So what . Theyd love a picture of you. audience laughs trust me, this aint one for the album. audience laughs i dont understand. Come on, were all adults here so im just gonna come out and say this. audience laughs aking muumuuwearing mom a picture of your penis . audience laughs oh, please why on earth would you do Something Like that . Eh, its for identification purposes. audience laughs then we tag it then release it back into the wild. audience laughs ill just call them and tell them not to develop the roll. Oh my god i just remembered the note i put in with the film when i thought they were gonna be looking at pictures of my wedding dress. What note . Dear mom and dad, here it is. audience laughs i love it. audience laughs but joes afraid im gonna trip over it when i walk down the aisle. Oh hi lowell, can i see you for a second . Sure. Its about that shoe rack of yours. Oh, you cut yourself on it didnt you . Well, listen, take it from somebody who knows, dont be a hero. Get the tetanus shot. No, lowell actually i have something very exciting to tell you. I showed it to this woman i know in new york who owns an art gallery and she just flipped over it. Did you spit off the statue of liberty . Not this time. Anyway, as i was saying, maya runs one of the hottest galleries in soho. I mean, if she likes what she sees she can give you your own show. Did you spit off of the Empire State Building . audience laughs lowell, if this woman wants to she can launch you as an artist and ill represent you. Did you spit off the World Trade Center . audience laughs lowell, you havent heard a word ive said. Maya is very interested in your art. Madness of van gogh, the jarring perception of picasso, the mocking pop humor of lichtenstein. You know, i just made you a shoe rack out of old engine parts. Eh, i dont think we can really call that art. She offered me 300 for it. You know, i might have a mug tree shed find mordant and ironic. audience laughs for adults with advanc ll lung cancer previously treated with platinumbased chemotherapy, including those with an abnormal alk or egfr gene whove tried an fdaapproved targeted therapy, this is big. A chance to live longer with Opdivo Nivolumab . Opdivo demonstrated longer life and is the most prescribed immunotherapy for these patients. Opdivo significantly increased the chance of living longer cause your immune system to attack normal organs and tissues in your body and affect how they work. This may happen any time during or after treatment has ended, and may become serious and lead to death. See your doctor right away if you experience new or worsening cough; chest pain; shortness of breath; diarrhea; severe stomach pain or tenderness; severe nausea or vomiting; extreme fatigue; constipation; excessive thirst or urine; swollen ankles; loss of appetite; rash; itching; headache; confusion; hallucinations; muscle or joint pain; as this may keep these problems from becoming more serious. These are not all the possible side effects of opdivo. Tell your doctor about all your medical conditions, including immune system problems, or if youve had an organ transplant, or lung, breathing, or liver problems. A chance to live longer. Ask your doctor about opdivo. See opdivotv. Com for this and other indications. Bristolmyers squibb thanks the patients, nurses, and physicians thank god youre there. Ive been trying to call you for three days. Um, listen. I sent you a roll of film by mistake, so i need you to send that on back to me. Oh really . Uhhuh. Uhhuh. Okay well, thats all right, great. Helen, say hi to your dad for me. Oh joe says hello. And send him my best. Yeah, you already did. audience laughs so . Ack . Of course hes not sending them back my mom is on the way to the photo hut right now to pick em up. And then shes going to grandmas. I dont have to worry about grandma though, shes got cataracts. audience laughs ill just tell her its a picture of my cousins new baby. audience laughs god, what am i gonna tell my parents . Oh what is the big deal . Whats the big deal . Theyre going to think that their daughter is marrying a weirdo. I mean how are they gonna know its joe . I mean it might as well be anybodys. Sure, well just say some tourist , would you mind taking a picture of my pee pee in front of the lighthouse . audience laughs upbeat music lo, someones here to see you. I would like you to meet Maya Wolverton of the wolverton gallery. Any relation . Oh, see i forgot to tell you about his sense of humor. You know lowell, i was intrigued with that piece that casey brought me. Yes, and here is some more of lowells work. And i suppose a certain innocence. Yes well, it was borne out of depression and anxiety and a burning need to form a human connection. What do you call it . Towel rack. audience laughs to hang the towels that dry the tears of all mankind. And lets do a hook here for a loofah sponge. audience laughs i dont understand. Well how do you get rid of dead skin . audience laughs now, im gonna be honest with you lowell. Oh yeah . Well those shoes dont go with that bag. audience laughs see, haha, what he really means by that no, never mind, hes right. They were on sale. Listen, lowell, i have an artist who just cancelled a show and if you can get me 20 pieces by next week, id like you to fill his slot. But i dont have have the words to express how happy he is lowell, it was wonderful meeting you and i look forward to seeing you in new york. Okay. And that scarf doesnt match either. audience laughs lowell, isnt this wonderful . I guess. You guess . Dont you understand what an amazing opportunity this is for us . Artists have their whole careers and never get a show. This just fell right in our lap yeah, but i dont have 20 pieces. Well thats okay. How many do you have . Mm, including these three . Uhhuh. Well then i guess were just gonna have to get busy and make more make more. Ah, you think its that easy do you, huh . Think i just gather up engine parts and randomly weld them to a metal frame . Actually that is what i do. audience laughs tomorrow by five okay . upbeat music uh joe, brians on the phone. He wants to know if the picture whats he talking about anyway . Um, its a part for the plane. Oh, i thought he was talking about his hoohah. audience laughs before. After. audience laughs thats before. Okay. After. audience laughs hi lowell. Oh i hope im not interrupting, but i just couldnt wait to see the new pieces. Oh you know, this one looks very similar to the one you were doing yesterday. Oh its part of a series, isnt it . They love series no its the same one. Oh, i dont understand. I mean youve been in here for three days. Whatve you been doing . Um, mostly this. Before. After. Before. Okay, where are all the others . The shows in a couple of days. Whats wrong with you . Well, i dont know. Its like, um. I dont know. Thats it, thats it, im blocked thats been driving me crazy. Lowell, you cant be blocked, okay . You have 17 pieces to do. I mean dont you realize that this is your ticket off of this island . You dont want to live the rest of your life here. Yeah i do. I like it here. No, no, no, you want more out of life. You want recognition and excitement and a chance to prove to your exhusband that you can make it on your own audience laughs you know what . Youre right. Ill show that bastard. Hey wait a minute. Oh lowell, please, please come on we have much much much much too much riding on this to give up now. But casey, i cant just create art on demand. You know, i usually need a reason like a birthday. A birthday, you, a birthday . Sure because you know what . It is always somebodys birthday because right here, today, we have charlotte bronte, babe ruth, and angie dickinson. So, make one for angie audience laughs and i still have not received a thank you note. audience laughs look, i know what youre trying to do but maybe im just not cut out for this. Sure you are, and you will work nonstop for the next two days and i will be right here, by your side the entire time because i am here to support you, lowell what if i still cant do it . Ill kill you, ill kill you dead. Look, my mom sent the pictures back. Please, please, please be in here wedding dress, dress, dress, hello audience laughs looks like the family resemblance doesnt end with the nose. audience laughs here, tear this up. Oh, i cant. audience laughs just hope they didnt look at them. Dear helen, love the dress, love the fabric. You look beautiful in it. Cant wait to see you, love mom. P. S. , whats up with the hoohah . audience laughs oh casey, can i talk to you for a minute . Sorry im in a hurry. No no, i know, itll only take a minute. Its about lowell. Oh god, he didnt get out of the hangar, did he . No, hes still there. In fact hes been there all night. Well of course he has. Hes a dedicated artist. Yeah, well look. Maybe this is none of my business pushing him a little too hard . Oh, fay. Thank you for your concern, but i dont think you understand the artistic process. You only see lowell as a nice, easygoing mechanic but im finding a side of him that no one ever has. Okay talk to me. audience laughs okay, speak to me reveal yourself lowell . It was just me, casey. Oh casey hey, how many of those diet colas have you had . Well, lets see. The machine holds 40, 80 audience laughs hey, look, i want to show you some of the things ive been working on. Im particularly proud of this piece. The cool thing is i pushed them all into place with my nose. Okay well now, now youre starting to scare me. Are you sure youre all right . Im fine, im fine let me show you some more of my work. audience laughs okay, this is a piece ive been working on. Its called nude descending a staircase. With a diet cola. audience laughs and this one is madonna and child. With a diet cola. audience laughs and this one is the thinker all hopped up on diet cola. audience laughs and this ones untitled. Thank god. With a diet cola. Here, just but i, i am calm but you know what . Im a little thirsty. Can i borrow 40 or 50 quarters . No you dont need any more of this. All you need to do is just rest. But, casey, the show, the show Lowell Mather is not a quitter you know what lowell, look. I just decided theres not gonna be a show. Im just gonna call maya and cancel the whole thing. Really . Im going to sleep now. Oh look, before you go can i just tell you that im sorry . Sorry for what . Well for using you the way i did. I mean, i didnt even stop to think about your feelings. I just thought of myself. Ah, come on. Dont beat yourself up. So you dont think i used you . No of course you used me and you rode me like a circus elephant. Are you okay . Well ive been better. Look, casey, you know, you saw my shoe rack as art. Most people dont even see it as a shoe rack. audience laughs yeah. Well you know, you accomplished something. I mean you got a famous new york art gallery owner to give a show to a completely unknown artist. I mean, thats something yeah, i guess i did do that. S a bunch more positive thoughts ricocheting around inside my skull, but im just too damn freaked out to figure em out. audience laughs no, no, thanks lowell. I mean, i got it, you know . And who knows . Maybe my career in art is just starting now even though yours is ending. Yeah, well you know joes gonna be thrilled. Whys that . Well now i can put the plane back together. I know how disappointed you must be about lowells show. Is there anything i can do to cheer you up . Oh, thanks fay, but ill be okay. Okay. Hi casey. I heard you were a little down in the dumps, so. Well, i wrote you a song and i was going to save it for another occasion, but seems like the perfect time. Thats very sweet of you. Well, goes a Little Something like this. audience laughs guitar twangs . Desi love lucy guitar twangs . And hepburn loved tracy guitar twangs . And ella count basie guitar twangs . And cagney and lacey guitar twangs . Donald and daisy duck . Hey, guys. Look what i just got. Wow, a new camcorder. Looks expensive, whered you get the money for that . Aw, joe, why cant you just let him enjoy it . Why do you have to be so cynical . Whered you get the money for that . Sandpiper petty cash. All right, wait, wait, wait, before you get so uptight, ght this . Oh, this is oughta be good. Ok. I bought it to make a wedding gift for you and helen. A wedding gift . Yeah, a videotape. Of you and your friends telling the story of how you guys got together. You know, the whole relationship. I thought it would be something that you could show your grandchildren, you know . Be something that the whole family would treasure. Thats really nice of you. Im sorry, brother. Thanks. Brian, that is a lovely, lovely idea, im very impressed. Yeah, me too. Some of the quickest thinking ive ever done. The problem is now i gotta make the stupid thing. lively piano music ok, fay, were rolling. So, quickly as you can, just tell the camera how joe and helen first got together. They were just friends, but even back then i could tell they had a thing for each other. They may not have known it, but i did. Joe, its just a difference in technique, thats all. Youre a stifflipper and im a soft. Its no big deal. Well, i never really thought about it before, does it make that much of a difference . Yes. Here, ill show you. You wanna kiss me again . Oh, dont be stupid, this is just an acting exercise. Now just relax. Like that . That was better, that was much better. Oh, well, thanks for the tip. Goodnight. Goodnight. Oh, well, wed been friends for so long that at first it was kinda strange. laughing no, i dont think so, joe. Once more. Nope. Once more. Be serious. laughing yeah, im kinda beat myself. And im certainly not getting any rest back here. When did you first meet joe and helen . Oh, it was their first valentines day as boyfriend and girlfriend. I was working as a waiter in an Italian Restaurant and there was this big mix up and then helen ended up waiting for joe beautiful woman alone on such a romantic night. Giacomo, calls in italian hes only a busboy now but he has head waiter written all over him. Oh, no, its really ok signorina, meet my cousin giacomo. Hello your valentine for this evening. Hi. speaking italian whatd he say . He say youre nice. I give it a year, tops. [brian] youre supposed to Say Something nice, roy. That was something nice. I really only give it six months. [brian] would you Say Something positive . Oh, all right, all right. What are you gonna . Oh, no. No, no, you wouldnt. Oh, no . Ok. All right, helen. You wanna play hardball . You stab the plane, the cello here gets it. You dont think ill do it, do you . No. Guess again. hissing sound screams youre messy, joe, youre messy, messy, messy. I cannot believe you did this to me. I cant believe you believe, joe, believe. spraying screams spraying screaming truce truce this is ridiculous. Put the fire extinguisher down. You put the grease gun down first. Oh, honey. spraying screams [brian] well, what happened then . I dont wanna talk about it. [brian] joe, what happened then . She left me. Every musician worth his salt has to take a shot at new york. If i can make it there, i can make it any. Well, you know. Helen, just wait, just wait. Please stay. I cant. But thank you for asking. Helen. I love you. I love you too. And that was it. We broke up. sniffling [brian] helen, then what happened