[ cheers and applause ] neil patrick hey, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] nice to see you. I am your guest host for the night. My name is Neil Patrick Harris. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you. You may know me from a little show called how i met your mother. [ cheers and applause ] my current show im doing is, a series of unfortunate events. [ cheers and applause ] netflix. Binge it. Im also in the upcoming movie downsizing with matt damon coming out on the 22nd. Very exciting. [ scattered boos ] easy, easy. If youre wondering if matt damon is as bad as jimmy says, the answer of course is yes. [ laughter ] hes garbage. [ laughter ] jimmy asked me to host for him, i immediately said yes. I thought he meant at the oscars. [ laughter ] but i guess its too late to go back now. No, in all seriousness, im very happy to fill in for jimmy tonight. I am thrilled. His son billys heart operation was a success. [ cheers and applause ] he is recovering very well. Jimmy told me today that the respirator is out. He is eating. He is smiling. So all good news. We are sending lots of love to all the kimmels. [ cheers and applause ] billy is a brave little boy. And its heartwrenching, literally. And im so glad hes doing well. I would do anything for jimmy, i love him and i love attention. [ laughter ] i guess i just love hosting things. Ive hosted the tonys four times. [ cheers and applause ] ive hosted the emmys twice. Ive hosted the oscars. I even worked parttime as a host of the applebees in harlem. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and bt dubs, the chicken wonton tacos, are half price at happy hour. So save some money. Im whats known in hollywood as a triple threat. I sing. I dance. And i dont sexually harass people. [ cheers and applause ] theres only one of us left. [ laughter ] all day people have been asking, neil, youre hosting a late night show, are you going to make fun of the president . Of course [ scattered applause ] im required, you have to sign a thing when you come in if youre going to host, you have to make fun of the president. Im not going to make fun of his politics. Im not going to pick apart his policies on health care or taxes. I will let other people do that. I am, however, going to make fun of the super weird way he spoke during a press conference this morning. Listen to this. Finally i asked the leaders of the region, political and religious, israeli and palestinian, jewish and christian and muslim, to join us in the noble quest for lasting peace. Thank you, god bless you, god bless israel, god bless the palestinians, and god bless the united states. Thank you very much. [ laughter ] [ applause ] neil patrick is he wearing dentures . [ mumbling ] the only way that would sound weirder is if we slowed it down to make it seem like hes drunk. And with that i present tonights edition of drunk donald trump. [ tape slowed down ] god bless israel. God bless the palestinians. And god bless the united states. Thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] neil patrick take it easy on the manoshevitz, dotty. Oh, talking about politics, i do want to mention this video from a Pennsylvania House State Government Committee Meeting yesterday. And i think this really sums up how divided we are in this country right now. A democrat casually touched the arm of his fellow Republican Committee member, then things got very uncomfortable. Check it out. There is a better way to do this, guys. We dont have to proceed on this one. I hear ya, i understand. Theres some hard feelings with president bradford, look. Im a heterosexual, i have a wife, i love my wife, i dont like men as you might, but stop touching me. All the time. Like keep your hands to yourself. Like if you want to touch somebody, you have people on your side of the aisle that might like it, i dont. Okay. Chairman, chairman okay. Were officially off the rails. Neil patrick yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] first of all, you dont turn gay if a gay person touches you. [ laughter ] were not like zombies. And by the way, the guy who touched him, he isnt even gay. Hes straight. And hes married with four kids. If your issue with him is with him touching you, why are you bringing up Sexual Orientation . Have some class. You are a state representative. And with all due respect, which is none, the only thing that you are representing with this behavior is bigoted dumbassery. [ cheers and applause ] what else is happening . Its a tense time in l. A. As im sure youve seen, major brush fires happening in Southern California right now. More than 80,000 acres have been burned. Tens of thousands of people have been evacuated from their homes. This is what the 405 looked like this morning. The 405 freeway. You know how people say driving in l. A. Is hellish . Today was literally hellish. That is crazy. I see it, when you see it from a helicopter shot, but when youre looking, that is insane. So anyway, thank you to all the firefighters who are out there right now. [ cheers and applause ] our thoughts, our prayers, are with everyone affected tonight. Stay safe out there. For all of those who have been displaced by the fires and need a place to stay, guillermo says you can crash at his place. Yes . Guillermo thats right, yeah neil patrick youre cool with that . Guillermo yeah, im cool, come to my house. I got plenty tamales for everybody. [ cheers and applause ] neil patrick all right. Whats your address . [ laughter ] guillermo 28 something. Neil patrick 2080 something . Guillermo yeah. Neil patrick put that in uber, it just takes you there. Guillermo its in the valley. Neil patrick thats all you need to know. Guillermo yeah, that way. Neil patrick that way. Hey, the holidays are fast approaching. You guys getting into the Christmas Spirit . [ cheers and applause ] done your shopping . I spent the holidays the way everyone else does, i put on a nice robe, some slippers, grab a mug, a hot cocoa, and i pass the time by screaming at my servants. [ laughter ] guillermo, how many servants do you have . Guillermo only one. [ laughter ] neil patrick what happened to the other one . Guillermo i dont know, they went back to mexico. [ laughter ] neil patrick sorry about that. Whole other story there. This is the time of year parents take their kids to the mall, put them on santas lap, they hope that they cry to get an amazing facebook pic. You guys want to play a game . [ cheers and applause ] my segue. Jimmy has a santarelated tradition at this show and i am proud to uphold it tonight. The game is this, i will show you a photo of a child freaking out. You will guess if that child is sitting on santas lap or getting a flu shot. Ready . Time to play santas lap or flu shot . [ cheers and applause ] i love it. All right, here we go. Look at that, look at that. Sad, angry baby. What do you think . Oh, wow, theres a lot of strong opinions. Were sort of divided 50 50. Lets see, is it santas lap or flu shot . Santas lap. Got it . Think you figured it out . Lets try again. All right, we have a headband. Is that pain . Is that holiday trauma . All right, lets see. That was santas lap as well. Wow. Oh, yeah. Flu shot, oh, thats pretty unanimous. And youre right, its a flu shot. Thats weird though. I would be crying too if everyone else was laughing at me in that shot, the parents. All right, what about this one . I love how convinced you are. But it really could be one way or the other. Lets see. That was santas lap. Wow. Both those kids hating on santa claus. Wow. All right. Oh, look at this one. Flu shot . Im getting a lot of flu shots, a few santas laps. Lets see. Santas lap. On a woman who looks like helen hunt. Oh, my. Oh, dear. I mean, this girls really upset. Shes passing a stone. From something thats happening. Flu shot you think . No, you think santas lap . Lets see what it is. Boom, youre right. You guys are good at this game. Oh, her brother looks super happy. Heres our last one. Flu shot or santas lap . Santa . Some santas, some flu shot . Lets see the answer. Its santas lap and a flu shot. Wow, wow. Thats unfortunate. Do they do that these days . Is that how they get it to happen . All right, thanks for playing. Were going to take a break. Be right back with armie hammer, dont go anywhere. [ cheers and applause ] chris the very first time i met bruce i saw on his lapel hes got a purple heart. bruce we started talking about the service. I outrank him. chris [laughs] yeah. Meals on wheels reaches so many people. Its impactful beyond anything ive ever done in my life. bruce the meals and his friendship really mean, means a lot to me. vo through the subaru share the love event, weve helped deliver over onepoint seven million meals to those in need. Get zero percent financing for 63 months on select models, plus well donate two hundred and fifty dollars to charity. Thats the new rockstar. Hurry in to old navy for up to seventyfive percent off storewide thats up to seventyfive percent off with all jeans on sale from fifteen dollars for adults and twelve dollars for kids at old navy. Whoo testis this thing on . huh . Cmon your turn mmmm. Where do pencils go on vacation . loud speaker pencilvania pencilvania laughing frosted just right. Crunch in every bite. Kelloggs frosted miniwheats. Wiback like it could used to . Neutrogena hydro boost water gel. With hyaluronic acid it plumps skin cells with intense hydration and locks it in. For supple, hydrated skin. Hydro boost. From neutrogena kohls intimates stockup with 25 to 40 off all bras. Kohls has the biggest assortment from the best brands. So now is the best time to stock up for the new year. At kohls intimates stockup sale, going on now. Kohls. vo more pokemon. More adventure. Pokemon go. Switch to sprint and get 100 in pokecoins free. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. Welcome, everybody. Im senior product specialist and happy owner at leisureland estates. Are you having a good time . Yeah . So what do you think of my place . Just wait till you see whats inside. Jeff, youve got to stop inviting guests over without telling me. I finally just got in the tub to relax after such a busy day. First i took a tennis lesson and had a massage. Nice. Then after a gourmet lunch with the girls, well, we couldnt help ourselves so we popped into that new Jewelry Store downtown. Ohoh. Loge . Whats that going to cost me . Neil patrick thats me in the great new movie downsizing in theaters december 22nd. This is the only time a matt damon movie will ever be promoted on this show. [ laughter ] if youre just joining us, this is Jimmy Kimmel Live and i am your guest host for the evening, tracee ellis ross. [ cheers and applause ] tonight on the program, from the crown on netflix, Vanessa Kirby. [ cheers and applause ] and then, he packed his prius full of snakes and drove over here to both frighten and enlighten us. Reptile expert Jules Sylvester is here. [ cheers and applause ] im told jimmy hates when they do animals segments on this show but im looking forward to it because i am not a gigantic baby. [ laughter ] make sure to watch the show tomorrow night as well. Melissa mccarthy will be hosting with guests octavia spencer, dave franco, and hansen. So that will be fun. [ applause ] our first guest is a superb and versatile actor whom you can see in the critically acclaimed new movie call me by your name. Its in select theaters now. Please welcome armie hammer. [ cheers and applause ] neil patrick how are you . Im well, thank you very much, how are you . Neil patrick im fantastic. It is nice to have you on the show. Its nice to be on the show. Neil patrick i have one request, dont call me jimmy. You got it. Im thrilled jimmy is not here. Neil patrick really, why . Ive done the show a few times. I think seven times or Something Like that. And every time i manage to put my entire foot all the way into my mouth. Neil patrick really . How so . I one of the times i actually announced our childs gender. Neil patrick oh. Which we were not doing. Neil patrick oh. I once also embarrassed myself by telling drunk stories about vodka. It was an issue, yeah. Neil patrick drunk stories about vodka . That sounds like fun. It was great, it was great. Also they ended up sending me a case of vodka afterwards. [ laughter ] neil patrick which vodka is this . Yeah. [ laughter ] which camera . Ba lug ga gold line vodka. Just saying. Just saying. Neil patrick beluga gold line vodka bows of us, two cases. It was a disaster. Neil patrick well try and buck the trend. Speaking of your unborn daughter. Daughter . Is the right sex . Theyve both been born at this point. Neil patrick thank goodness. Your daughter has a familiar name. Your daughters name, if im not mistaken, is harper grace. Yes. Neil patrick that is my daughters name. [ laughter ] do you think thats an accident . By the way so you had the name first. [ laughter ] this is true, this is true. Neil patrick its true. Our daughters have the exact first and middle name. And also neil patrick what the [ bleep ], man . I know, i know. They also have the same initials. Hammer and harris. Neil patrick thats true. So really we just stole everything, basically. [ laughter ] we went full single white female. Neil patrick oh, really, whats next . Well, youll see. [ laughter ] neil Patrick Harper grace hammer. Yep, yep. Neil patrick sounds like a superhero. It does, it does. That was like part of the reason we chose it. And we chose it before we found out what your daughters name was. And i distinctly remember a moment where my wife was pregnant, she called me, she goes, what the [ bleep ] . To borrow your words. And i was like, what . She goes, do you know what Neil Patrick Harris daughters name is . I was like honestly i dont. She goes, its harper grace. I go, thats fun. She goes, thats our name im like, i dont know, im pretty sure their daughter was born first, so maybe its their name and we kind of usurped it, i dont know. Neil patrick we have had great luck with harper grace as a name. But im sure you have as well. So far, so good. Neil patrick its a beautiful name. Youve been working a ton, are you taking time off . Have you gotten to do anything fun, relaxing . No, no, not really. Its been work. Its been fun. Weve been kind of out promoting this movie now. Neil patrick you have the movie coming out. Then you also are about to do a show on broadway. Am i right . Yes. Im so glad you mentioned this. I wanted to talk to you. I need pointers. Ive never done this before. Neil patrick this is a big deal. Tell everyone, youre making a broadway debut . Its true, im going to do a play in broadway called straight white men. Directed by anna shapiro, written by yung ji li. Its an amazing opportunity and i have no idea what im doing on stage. If you have any pointers or literally any advice at all. Neil patrick um act good . [ laughter ] that one might be tough. Neil patrick what is the play about . I could give you some pointers. I mean, its its basically about the concept of, you know, toxic masculinity and what it is to be a straight white male and the things that are expected of you from that. That whole kind of thing neil patrick when was the last time you were on stage . Never. Literally never. Neil patrick youve never been on stage . In the small Little Theater or anything . All of my training is stage based. I did the stella adler training and stuff. So ive been on stage in front of an acting class but never on stage in front of people. So neil patrick wow. What do i do . Neil patrick i think the great thing about a play is that the great thing about theater is that everyone watches it and lives it from a to z all the way through. So you will get caught up in it. And the one piece of advice i would probably give is to be very careful and protective of your voice. Because ive done musicals before where you have to be careful of your voice. A lot of the people go and start shouting in a play, not realizing that they need to shout almost as if theyre singing, because doing that eight times a week and getting intense suddenly two months later, youre totally hoarse and you can hurt your cords. Pay attention to your throat. Thats good. Neil patrick theres too many jokes after saying Pay Attention to your throat. [ laughter ] yeah. Neil patrick especially given your film. Call me by your name. A clip with armies costar Timothee Chalamet when we come back, stick around. Well talk about this amazing movie. The beam family has a long history of doing things their own way. They age every drop of jim beam twice as long as the law requires for a true kentucky straight bourbon. So, four long years from now, ill be back for this one. Thats how jim beam makes history. How will you make yours . New jim beam vanilla. Subtly sweet vanilla balanced with smooth jim beam bourbon. Mix with cola for a cocktail thats completely in sync. Directv has been rated number one in Customer Satisfaction over cable for 17 years running. But some people still like cable. Just like some people like preshaken sodas. Having their seat kicked on an airplane. Being rammed by a shopping cart. Sitting in gum. And walking into a glass door. But for everyone else, theres directv. For 1 rated Customer Satisfaction over cable, switch to directv and for a limited time get a 100 reward card. Call 1800directv. Its softer than ever. Charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. And its softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird we all go, why not enjoy the go with charmin . I like the way you say things. I dont know why youre always putting yourself down, though. So you wont, i guess . You really that afraid of what i think . Youre making things very difficult for me. [ cheers and applause ] neil patrick welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live. Im your guest host Neil Patrick Harris here with armie hammer. Our next guest recently won the gotham independent film award for breakthrough actor costaring alongside our first guest in call me by your name. Please welcome Timothee Chalamet. [ cheers and applause ] neil patrick thanks for coming. Hey, everyone. Neil patrick im so excited to have you both here. This movie is the number one movie that im dying to see. I havent seen it. And ive heard nothing but outstanding response for it. Ohoh, expectation is too high already. Neil patrick can you tell everyone a little synopsis of it . Sure. Im not as good as at this as armie. Tell me if yoda scribe it in a good way. Call me by your name takes place in northern italy play a 17yearold precocious booksmart kid whose father has a visiting graduate student come every summer this year it happens to be armie hammer. Who wouldnt fall in love with this guy right here . We fall in love. Am i right . A love affair ensues. Nailed it. Neil patrick i cant wait to see it and i hope everyone does. Youre also in getting great notices for lady bird, right . Yes. [ cheers and applause ] yes, thats fine, thats all well and good, were here to talk about call me by your name. If you dont mind. Hes got two big movies that are out. The lady bird contingent over there. Neil patrick you havent acted much in big feature film roles until this, two gigantic roles going on. Certainly not in lead capacities. Apologies to everyone in the audience whos like, who the hell is this guy right now . Neil patrick are you getting recognized a lot when you go out . I no. [ laughter ] i got paparazzid for the first time the other day. Neil patrick you got paparazzid . Its a verb. How do you say it when it happens . [ bleep ]. Normally. Neil patrick what does that feel like . That must be weird. Yeah i was like shocked. I like looked behind me. I dont know, it was super weird. Yeah. Neil patrick coming out of a restaurant or whatever, you ate, then all of a sudden someones out and its as if youve done something terribly wrong. Theyre snapping pictures and theyre aggressive. There was like one guy. [ laughter ] probably thought i was Freddy Highmore or something. [ laughter ] neil patrick youre better looking. You cant say that on tv, no. [ laughter ] hes the host, he can say whatever he wants. Neil patrick i can today. Wait, i mentioned you were named breakthrough actor of the year at the gotham independent film awards. Congratulations, what was that night like . This is going to sound cheesy but it was one of the greatest nights of my life. And i dont know, i guess i went with my mom, i didnt think it was going to be the most fun plus one but it was, it was a really great time. You cant say that on tv. [ laughter ] which cameras mom . Love you, mom. She just turned it off, dont worry. Yeah, shes not watching us. So it was like it was just totally surreal. I didnt realize what a big thing it was going to be. Neil patrick you get a speech . I got to give a little speech and i shouted out cardi b in my speech. Neil patrick cardi b . It was a new york event. Im a new york guy. I felt like it was Due Diligence to thank any and all new york artists that inspire me. And the next day somebody had messaged her that this kid had mentioned her in a speech. And, you know, she acknowledged it. So theres an infinitesimal part of cardi bs brain that knows i exist. [ laughter ] she fully slid into your dms. Neil patrick you guys are on the press tour talking about the movie. What was it tell me a little story about what it was like working with your director. Hes supposed to be amazing. I heard you shot things in sequence . Yeah. Neil patrick which is unique. You shot from the beginning all the way through to the end . Yeah. Neil patrick was it you were in a little italian city. And were you kind of living the performances and the roles . Yeah we definitely were. We were sort of like sequestered. You talk. A couple of exceptions there. Living the roles, no, not everything, not everything. [ laughter ] all right, take a couple of seconds there to make sense, thats all right. You describe it better. I dont know, all i know is i went to italy thinking, ive got a cursory level of italian, this is going to be fun, i got this. We ended up going to a restaurant, i tried to order a steak in italian. And i messed it up terribly because they brought me a raw steak. I dont mean like cook it a little, its raw in the middle. They brought me a steak that had never seen a heat source. Neil patrick no, no. Straight cut from like the muscle, a piece of steak. And i was so ashamed that i wouldnt own up to it so i just sat there and ate an entire raw steak. Neil patrick wow. Yeah. Neil patrick when in italy. Yep. There you go. Eat raw steak, yes. Neil patrick congratulations on the movie, i cannot wait, i hope it gets great acclaim and you guys are amazing. Thanks for being here. Call me by your name is in select theaters now. Armie hammer and Timothee Chalamet everyone well be right back with Vanessa Kirby [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] you are a city city wall, city wall she could be dancing down a hall, dancing down a hall were turning heads, were turning heads, were turning heads, oh yeah and nothing can stop us now thats the new rockstar. Hurry in to old navy for up to seventyfive percent off storewide thats up to seventyfive percent off with all jeans on sale from fifteen dollars for adults and twelve dollars for kids at old navy. Studying to be a dentist and she gave me advice. She said dad. Go pro with crest prohealth. 4 out of 5 dentists confirm these crest prohealth products. Help maintain a professional clean. And its the only toothpaste with the ada seal of acceptance for protection against acid erosion. Oh, its actually. Sfx short balloon squeal its ver. Sfx balloon squeals ok can we. Sfx balloon squeals goodbye oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasnt it . Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoying lactose. Good right . Yeah. Lactaid. The milk that doesnt mess with you. Whoo testis this thing on . huh . Cmon your turn mmmm. Where do pencils go on vacation . loud speaker pencilvania pencilvania laughing frosted just right. Crunch in every bite. Kelloggs frosted miniwheats. If you could see your cough, youd see all the sickness youre spreading. Robitussin cf max. Nothing lasts longer and treats more symptoms for your cough, cold and flu. elevator bell ringing robitussin cf max severe. Because its never just a cough. St. Jude helps save kids rwiim from florida. Ere. Im from illinois. Where are you from . I dont remember i was a baby when i was born. Visit stjude. Org or shop where you see the st jude logo. I want ycome on mom t easy. Go slow. Lets go mom slow down for the ones who keep pushing. Always unstoppable. Resolution 1 binge more. Join the uncarrier, and get four unlimited lines for only forty bucks each. Plus, netflix for the whole family. On us. So, they get their shows. Lets go, girl youre gonna love this bit and you get yours. Watch however you want. On your phone, tablet, or tv. For just forty bucks per line. With no extra charges. Lets rock this joint all on americas best unlimited network, tmobile. Juice this, cleanse that. But, food isnt a resolution. Its fuel for our resolutions. Whole grains, fruit, protein. Food that keeps us strong. So we start the new year strong. Special k neil patrick welcome back, everybody. Im Neil Patrick Harris, tonights understudy for jimmy kimmel. Our next guest plays princess margaret, the rebellious royal sister of queen elizabeth, on the golden globewinning series the crown. Season 2 premieres december 8th on netflix. Please welcome Vanessa Kirby. [ cheers and applause ] hello. Neil patrick gorgeous, nice dress, thats fantastic. Thanks, neil. Neil patrick we have something in common, this is my first time hosting a latenight talk show, this is your first time on a latenight talk show. My first talk show ever. [ cheers and applause ] neil patrick so be kind. My mom said, whatever you do, dont swear. [ bleep ]. So sorry. Sorry, mom. Neil patrick where are you from . Im from wimbledon, actually. Neil patrick are you, cool, thats fun. Yes, tennis. Americans love that. I like never go. I can hear it from my house, though. I can hear the scores and stuff. Im hopeless neil patrick you dont play . My dad gave up. I play like that. Gave up on me a long time ago. He said it was like a flying frying pan. I never got past the frying pan. Neil patrick what is the frying pan . Youre not supposed to use a frying pan. Its a move. I only went up. Im not coordinated at all. Neil patrick no . No. Neil patrick was your dad a tennis player . He is. You know what his teams called . Hes quite proud of it. Its called the old peculiars. Neil patrick the old peculiars . Ive never met them but i have a vision of them. My dad is very embarrassing. Neil patrick hes embarrassing . Yeah, hes an embarrassing dad. Neil patrick embarrassing dad . How so . I want to hear these stories. Well [ laughter ] hes a urologist. Right . So he kind of looks at that all day. Neil patrick right. So like sunday lunches and stuff, i mean it was a hot topic in our house. Neil patrick a hot topic in my house too. [ laughter ] is it . Yeah, it was like he just, you know yeah. So he has like license to talk about it like most of the time. Neil patrick about . Its a thing. Neil patrick about weiners and heehaws . My sister brought her first boyfriend to the house, the first thing he asked was, are you circumcised . For no reason. I mean, why . Why do you need to know that . Neil patrick that would be awkward if you had a date and brought your date over. Yes. It was. It was always risky. There was like a it was a hazardous risk. Neil patrick he could be a good wingman. [ laughter ] a very good wingman. Do you know my sister and i he turned into a fangirl in random, spontaneous moments. Like at the crown premiere, he fangirled the casting director for no reason, he got starstruck. He beelined for her. Im like, dad, dad. He wants to be an actor or something. He had like one proud moment where he played marc anthony and he never let it go. Neil patrick maybe he just wanted to see her penis. Do you . [ laughter ] neil patrick so wait a second. Yes. [ laughter ] its out now. I did it, i did it. Neil patrick you are currently working in production on Mission Impossible 6. I am, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] neil patrick thats exciting. So are you engaged to tom cruise . [ laughter ] isnt that how it works . I move very fast. Yeah. No, it was id met him once. There was rumors that i was engaged to him. Neil patrick i was kidding, youre serious . Oh, yeah, did you not know that . Neil patrick no. Thats so weird. Neil. Yeah, no. They came up like yeah. Neil patrick youre not engaged . No, no. No, i have a boyfriend. He got all the cousins, are you okay . Do you need to come over . I think they thought id run off with tom cruise. Neil patrick whats it like working on a big movie like that . Is it super fun . Yeah, its amazing. Its different. Tom is so nice. Knows everyones name. I forget everyones. Really bad. But hes yeah hes lovely. Neil patrick how is the crown . Its a magnificent show and youre wonderful on it. [ cheers and applause ] are you filming that at the same time . Are you still in the movie and the series . No, were finished. Theyve recast all the actors now. I love margaret so much, its too much. But i did really want to carry on. I said, i will smoke a thousand cigarettes, i will age overnight, what do you need me to do . Yeah, we hand it over to other people now. Neil patrick do you have a lot of people that come and talk to you about the royal family now . I mean people ask. They come up, how do you think how does harry feel . Im like, [ bleep ]. Neil patrick how does harry feel . [ laughter ] i think they think were an authority on it. Sometimes its like, well, i think hes feeling great. I think Roast Chicken moment was amazing for him. Its like because i play his aunt on some show, like ridiculous neil patrick really happy with meghan. And they look happy, right . How cool, because margaret didnt get to marry the person that she really wanted to. Neil patrick what are your thoughts on Meghan Markle . Not many, actually. [ laughter ] i think shes great. Theyre in love. Thats cool, isnt it . What are your thoughts . Neil patrick i dont know, it seems like shes a hollywood actor person, all of a sudden shes going to be in the royal family. She seems super nice in everything that ive seen, and hes such a lovely guy, i really hope theyre happy together. But i dont have intel like you do, youre on a tv show that talks about the royals. [ laughter ] i have the intel. I think the show is great, you have a fantastic career ahead of you. Congratulations on being on your first talk show. [ cheers and applause ] season 2 of the crown friday on netflix. Vanessa kirby, everybody well be right back with Jules Sylvester and his animals [ cheers and applause ] sourced entirely in france, for a character all its own. Grey goose. Give the worlds best tasting vodka. Clubhouse, but we call it the matthwish house. Was a mom and it just immediately brought something positive in our life. Oh, i gotta get up get matthew on his treatment. matthew its not that bad, though. mom yeah. matthew the good thing about the surgeries is i get to have a popsicle at the end. mom he makes the best of everything and he teaches us to be strong and brave, too. vo through the subaru share the love event, weve helped grant the wishes of fifteen hundred kids so far. 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Sourced entirely in france, for a character all its own. Grey goose. Give the worlds best tasting vodka. Neil patrick welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live. Im your guest host Neil Patrick Harris. The shows going pretty well so far so lets tempt fate and bring out some deadly animals. Here with snakes, spiders and so much more, please welcome reptile expert, Jules Sylvester. [ cheers and applause ] neil patrick everywhere you do you bring out snakes . All the time, heres a present for you, have that one. What are these . Deadly coral snakes. No, theyre not. These what are they call sinaluan milk snakes. In the movies we make them deadly coral snakes. They look the same except the colors are reversed. Red and yellow, killer. Red and black, youre okay, jack. Red and black, youre okay. Neil patrick why are they milk snakes . Apparently somebody saw them in a field, a cowherder was stealing milk and he blamed the snakes. Milk snake. He was the one that milked the snakes. I dont know if you remember snakes on a plane. These guys were the baby snakes that came out when they pulled the airplane back and killed the captain. Thats them. [ laughter ] neil patrick do you want to apologize to samuel l. Jackson . [ laughter ] actually, theres another movie in ohio last week, working with Walton Goggins . Really good actor. [ scattered cheers and applause ] very, very intense. He played the people who run around the church and pick up the certificate pets, hallelujah. Neil patrick i used to go to a bar called milksnake. A different type of bar. [ laughter ] thats just wrong, dude. Neil patrick oh, it was right. It was right, jules. What else do you have here . So beautiful. Thanks, mark. Can you get that from him . Neil patrick a pleasure. Whats next . Worlds largest spider. Neil patrick oh the goliath birdeating spider. Neil patrick oh, wow. This comes from the amazon. What you do is get them thats the hardest part. Neil patrick what this is called . A tarantula . A goliath birdeating spider. Neil patrick birdeating spider . Yeah. Neil patrick what is this going to accomplish . [ laughter ] get back no, boy. Relax, relax, everythings fine. Neil patrick no i dont like this at all. Hes really mean. Hes got fangs underneath there. Stay, sit, roll over. Hes trained, see . Hes got fangs half an inch long. If he bites you they go right through to the bone, six pounds per square inch. Neil patrick if he bites me do i turn into a birdeating superhero . [ laughter ] youll run screaming. Ill see if i can get him raised up a little there. Ive got to turn around so the camera can see. No, no, that way, buddy. Neil patrick no, no, that way, buddy [ laughter ] no, i dont like this at all its kind of fun, isnt it . Neil patrick no i do this every day. This is real fun. Lets see if i can see the fangs. Jimmy lets see the fangs. Up we go. Good boy. No hes not going to play the game. Anyway, take my word for it really big fangs. Well put him away. Neil patrick okay. Yeah, get something nicer. [ applause ] bird eating . Right. These are giant scorpions. Ones from china, ones from vietnam. I dont know which one is which. I dont speak the language. [ laughter ] heres what you do. Put your palms up like that. Palms like that. Okay, whatever you do, dont scream. Stay. Here we go. And stay, sit. You are now a scorpion trainer. Thats how that works. Neil patrick wow. [ applause ] they can give you a terrible pinch and a sting, really, really hurts. Neil patrick these would make great stocking stuffers. Wouldnt they . Once. Neil patrick once. Why is its tail ready to strike me . Youll be fine. I got it there. Neil patrick ow i dont know if you can see the hang on to that one, hes fine. I think thats the vietnamese one. Here we are. I dont know if you can see that close up. Get my thumb behind it there. There we go, thats it right there. That thing, when they had the massive pincers. The rule of thumb is, if a scorpions got great claws it has a light clout at the back, it means the venom is not that toxic. Skinny claws, the venom is very toxic. One or the other. Rule of thumb. Ive never been stung but i imagine it really hurts. Jimmy i imagine so. They turn around, they can give you a good pinch. That really hurts. Oh everybody goes hah its really kind of funny. Neil patrick then they go oh oh put those up. One more beastie coming out. Neil patrick one more beastie coming out. Oh wow. Wow. Oh, dont trip. Okay. You need to come around the front here. Neil patrick i want to see this, this is cool. Wow. Back, back. Neil patrick back, okay. Are you talking to me or the snake . You duck your head. All right, here we go. And hes all yours. Jimmy oh, my. [ cheers and applause ] put your hand underneath. Youre a branch, youre a branch, youre a branch. Neil patrick like brit brit at the vmas. [ cheers and applause ] now this fellow is a papuan python he comes from new guinea. He can take you out in 15 seconds flat. Neil patrick maybe 20. No its fine. Its kind of tickling downstairs. I like it. [ laughter ] hes about full grown. Only about ten years old. Hell get another foot or two bigger than this. Neil patrick what does it eat . Anything he wants, cannibalistic. Keep him away from other snakes. Snakes, spiders, lizards, frogs, mammals, anything he wants, he eats. Talk show hosts . [ laughter ] just the slow ones. Hes got 30, 40 large, spiky teeth in there. Neil patrick now you tell me. See how he constricts . Bites, punches, down you go one, two, three. Count to 50. Then you die. Neil patrick feels so strange. I kind of like it. This is awesome. Hold him with the other hand. There you are. Look at that. Thats a work of art. [ cheers and applause ] neil patrick thank you, jules, this is amazing. Well be right back hopefully ill be alive. ,000 deaths in america last year. We need to stand up and say enough. The only way this problem is going to be solved is if we raise our voices. Choose help over helplessness, hope over hopelessness. Make sure that the lives weve lost will not have been lost in vain. Addiction is a disease. When you ask for help, help is there for you. Neil patrick thats all the time we have. Id like to thank armie hammer, Timothee Chalamet, Vanessa Kirby, Jules Sylvester, and jimmy kimmel for letting me borrow his show. Melissa mccarthy hosts tomorrow and stay tuned for nightline. Goodnight [ cheers and applause ] in tanzania, children hunted for the color of their skin. They think theyre not human. Victims of ignorance, greed, and superstition. Their body parts sold by witch doctors on the black market. The attackers broke into the house and went for barackas arm. From the unspooes speakable cruelty, unexpected saviors. Juju chang on a journey that began eight years ago in africa with a woman risking it all to keep those persecuted safe. The police told me, you will be killed and were not going to be there to protect you. While in america a bighearted heroine giving them hope. They call you the saint of staten island. People shouldnt feel that you need to be a saint to do good things. And the doctors about to change their
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