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public. like singing out loud in an elevator full of strangers. which is an awkward and embarrassing thing to do. i would do it on purpose. i would get that feeling of embarrassment or kind of destruction of personal status, that protective feeling that you have to stay straight and to stay sort of in control or well thought of. and i would purposefully embrace that awkward moment of embarrassment. it would kind of run through me like an electrical current. and i like that feeling. i think it has something to do with not thinking that anything is important. including my own embarrassment. i know you said that is related to status now. i know you said school didn t seem important and teachers would try to no. i was like a golden child in terms of like my school. but you after that, i was like forget it. you were reading a book a day at school. what i wanted to read, i was escaping into fantasy and science fiction.

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Embarrassment
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Elevator
Strangers
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Destruction
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