Alibi Ikes News Today

As miserable a season as the New England Patriots have endured, do you realize that Commonwealth of Massachusetts has been doing even worse?

Please, state-run media, I implore you. Print more of these sob stories about destitute hippies with their posh new houses and their brand-new cars who now they claim they can’t afford a new bong. Welcome to our existential crisis, hippies!

I told you Charlie Baker is the worst governor in state history, worse than Mike Dukakis, worse than Jane Swift, worse than Deval Patrick – you name ‘em, Charlie Parker sucks worse.