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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141016

Good to have you with us. Thank you so much. Folks, folks, i got to say, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here that gets me right here that gets me right here. And folks when you give me, when you give to me the love and the night it makes me want to start a tell thon, to give back the joy and the happy and the kind. I wish hi better news to start the show off but once again, this is who is attacking me now. Nation, i come to you tonight a troubled man. You see, in these dark times we cling to our sacred institutions, the church, the family, the google. But today, today i am a drift. Cast about like a cork in a typhoon, the foundations of my very self have been undermined because this afternoon i found an error on the internet. Yes, oh you heard that right. And folks, this time it was about me. You see, folks, when i googled myself this afternoon, as i do every day at 3 00 sharp, i have a full fibrous lunch, then to the bathroom, google myself until i come out. Folks, i was ho

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141017

Nation, i come to you tonight a troubled man. You see, in these dark times we cling to our sacred institutions, the church, the family, the google. But today, today i am a drift. Cast about like a cork in a typhoon, the foundations of my very self have been undermined because this afternoon i found an error on the internet. Yes, oh you heard that right. And folks, this time it was about me. You see, folks, when i googled myself this afternoon, as i do every day at 3 00 sharp, i have a full fibrous lunch, then to the bathroom, google myself until i come out. Folks, i was horrified to learn that the google celebrity profile of me lists my height at 5, 10. 5, 10 . What does is that measured in, hectares . Because it sure as [bleep] isnt feet and inches, google. I am 5, 11. These people know. These people know. You can see it. 5, 11 i have been 5, 11 since i was 14 years old. And i am speaking directly to google c. E. O. Larry page right now. Which camera do i need which camera do we feed

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141016

cheers and applause stephen boom, pow cheers and applause stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen come on, come on, yay cheers and applause crazy, thats crazy welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen. Good to have you with us. Thank you so much. Folks, folks, i got to say, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here that gets me right here that gets me right here. And folks when you give me, when you give to me the love and the night it makes me want to start a tell thon, to give back the joy and the happy and the kind. I wish hi better news to start the show off but once again, this is who is attacking me now. Nation, i come to you tonight a troubled man. You see, in these dark times we cling to our sacred institutions, the church, the family, the google. But today, today i am a drift. Cast about like a cork in a typhoon, the foundations of my very self have been unde

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141020

Yay cheers and applause crazy, thats crazy welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen. Good to have you with us. Thank you so much. Folks, folks, i got to say, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here that gets me right here that gets me right here. And folks when you give me, when you give to me the love and the night it makes me want to start a tell thon, to give back the joy and the happy and the kind. I wish hi better news to start the show off but once again, this is who is attacking me now. Nation, i come to you tonight a troubled man. You see, in these dark times we cling to our sacred institutions, the church, the family, the google. But today, today i am a drift. Cast about like a cork in a typhoon, the foundations of my very self have been undermined because this afternoon i found an error on the internet. Yes, oh you heard that right. And folks, this time it was about me. You see, folks, when i googled myself this afternoon, as i do every day

Transcripts For KTVU Mornings On 2 20130718

Dave clark is on assignment. Good morning. Im tori campbell. Lets look at weather and traffic. Steve, a little warm . Yeah, a little warm inland. Theres a lot of fog out there. Thats making things tough on visibility. Here we go again. 60s to 90s. Heres sal. Right now were working at highway 4. Slow traffic already sunny in baypoint as you head up to concord. Were looking at traffic on interstate 80. It looks good. We have a couple of trouble spots. Well get to those in a few minutes. Back to the desk. We begin with developing news from oakland. An 8yearold girl has been killed and two others have been wounded in a shooting. One woman was also injured in the gunfire. Ktvus Paul Chambers joins us from the crime scene to tell us what weve learned so far from investigators. Good morning, paul. Reporter good morning. A family is grieving after this happened last night in this apartment complex behind it. Its correct. An 8yearold child was killed. We can take a look at video here, and we pe

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