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Satire | Campus Scout | It s a Wonderful Scout

“Scout … you must awaken!” The ethereal voice meets Campus Scout’s eardrums through a swirling darkness as he rouses from a deep winter’s nap in his deck chair atop Foellinger Hall.  Not again.  Blinking blearily, he meets the eyes of a phantom the galloping ghost of Red Grange upon his massive steed.  The ghostly.

Satire | Campus Scout | All aboard the Scout Charter

Roused from his deep slumber in his tent pitched in the now-indefinitely condemned Campus Scones restaurant in the Illini Union basement, Scout sat up straight with a new entrepreneurial pursuit brewing in his brilliant mind.  This mustard seed of innovation was planted in Scout’s head following his many mysterious travels over the summer, during which.

Satire | Campus Scout | Campus Scones to fill void left by Einstein Bros

Our campus is currently in mourning we have lost a giant, indeed. The departure of Einstein Bros. Bagels from its five campus locations, including a much-beloved spot in the Illini Union, has left a painfully gaping void in the hearts of the student body. But fear not the arbiter of cuisine, the gastronomic.

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